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Messages - Forgotten Mother

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46
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12679607/russian-woman-married-son.html

I've MARRIED my 22-year-old adopted son after raising him from the age of 14 officials have now taken my other five children away from me

    Aisylu Mingalim, 53, from Tatarstan, raised her now husband from the age of 14
    READ MORE: My mum paid ?15,000 for my dream wedding... then had a BABY with my husband nine months later

By Shannon Mcguigan

Published: 14:35, 27 October 2023 | Updated: 14:35, 27 October 2023

A mother has revealed how she has married her adopted son after raising him from the age of 14.  Aisylu Chizhevskaya Mingalim, 53, from Tatarstan, Russia, has left child welfare experts horrified by tying the knot with 22-year-old  Daniel Chizhevsky.  She first met Daniel when he was just 13 and working as a singing teacher at his orphanage.  Aisylu then adopted him and raised him from the age of 14.  But just eight years later the pair have now tied the knot, leaving authorities to take custody of her other adopted children.  'Our relationship is perfect. We can't live without each other. We are on the same wavelength,' she told local media.

The mother and her adopted son wed in a ceremony at a restaurant in Kazan last week.  Child welfare officials have now seized Aisylu's other five adopted children one boy and four girls.  The adoptive mother has denounced the decision, with the children reportedly having been placed into care homes or given back to their biological relatives.   She wants the children back in her care, so all of them including their adopted brother turned step-father can flee to Moscow.  The former music teacher believes the family will be able to live more 'freely' in the Russian capital.  Reportedly Aisylu has a biological son from a previous marriage, however no additional information about him has been detailed.  The former singing teacher's adoption spree started shortly after coming into contact with orphans whilst on a film project with a Tatarstan TV station.  Last year, a woman who traded in her husband for her step-son revealed she was expecting their second child.  Marina Balmasheva, 38, from Russia, already had a 20-months-old daughter with Vladimir 'Vova' Shavyrin, now 24.  She has known him since he was seven, calls him 'the most charming blue-eyes in the world', and was previously married to his father Alexey Shavyrin, 48, who now cares for their five adopted children.  Marina, who is a popular weight loss influencer, announced her baby news online, sharing a video of the moment Vladimir learned she was going to be a father for the second time.  Marina calls her second husband 'the most charming blue-eyes in the world' but scolds him on social media for being 'clumsy' pushing their daughter's pram, and failing to hold down a well paid job in Krasnodar region, close to Ukraine, where war is raging.  She makes clear that she supports him from her social media earnings rather than allow him to do a mundane office job.  After revealing her relationship with her former stepson, she said: 'So many people tell me to use makeup make lashes, and curl my pubic hair because of my young husband. 'But there is one thing he fell in love with me with all my scars from plastic surgeries, cellulite, excessive skin and personality.'

47
General Discussion / Re: Devotions
« on: October 29, 2023, 04:11:12 PM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2023/01/19/we-can-stop-being-so-afraid-of-conflict?utm_campaign=Daily+Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=241195950&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-8Z76nBhMl64LCJ9hHEi6OZAecBRHHMseAxzNRiUIXLWmhr9_Loe4di8K0aK8jXez44xiX3R16NiQsl-SGPvr5MOrEFcw&utm_content=241195950&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

We Can Stop Being So Afraid of Conflict
January 19, 2023
by Lysa TerKeurst

?As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.? John 15:9 (NIV)

hen I was in my early 20s, there was nothing I disliked more than conflict.  I didn?t vocalize my opinion even when I felt strongly. I danced around needed conversations or boundaries because of fear surrounding what would happen to the relationship or what someone would think of me. I became a ?stuff it and smile? kind of girl.  What I didn?t know then, which I have learned now, is this: The problem with pretending to be fine when we're really not is that all that pent-up steam will eventually come out. And if you've ever held your hand too close to steam, you know how it can burn.  On the outside it may have looked like I was just conflict averse, but on the inside there was a deep-rooted people-pleasing trap I had stepped into.  Years later, I still fumble through this. I still don?t enjoy conflict by any means. I still struggle with wanting to please people more than I should. And as I?ve examined this, I?ve asked myself over and over: What am I truly wrestling with?

What am I so unsure of?

What is the great dread in my soul?

Besides just fearing other people will walk away from me, what is the deeper fear driving all of this?

Maybe it?s deeper than just my fear of someone rejecting me because of a conflict that didn?t go well. Maybe I fear I must get from people what I am unsure God will provide for me. And if I fear God?s provision is incomplete, I must fill in that gap with other people or I won?t make it in this big, sometimes scary, often threatening and always chaotic world.  Therefore, I?ve made people the answer to my security rather than God Himself. I?ve made rationalizations to avoid conflict and upsetting others, hoping this will bring me the peace I really long for.  Yikes.  It?s an inverted security that only makes us more and more insecure with every realization that people aren?t designed for or capable of filling in the gaps of our doubts about God. The smoke screen is ?I don?t want to appear unkind or unchristian by stirring up conflict with my ?no? or setting a necessary boundary.?

But the raw truth is we will always desperately want from other people what we fear we will never get from God.  Trying to please people won?t ultimately satisfy us or the other person, and it certainly doesn?t please God.  Even when we look at the life of Jesus, He did so many amazing and sacrificial acts of love for others. He fed people, washed their feet, taught them, comforted them, and modeled a different way to act and think. But He didn?t do it so people would fill a need in Him. He served from a place of fullness, not for a feeling of fullness. (Matthew 20:28)  Jesus was obedient to God and loved people well. He didn?t people-please, hoping to be well liked and accepted by everyone. And when people didn?t like what He had to say and they walked away from Him and many people did He didn?t drop His boundaries, chase the people down, and beg them to take Him back. Jesus loved people enough to give them the choice to walk away.  What does all of this have to do with our own fear of conflict?

 Everything.  God calls us to obey Him. God does not call us to obey every wish and whim of other people and keep them happy at all costs. God calls us to love other people. God does not call us to demand that they love us back and meet every need we have.  If we are afraid someone will think poorly of us, potentially abandon us or try to make us feel crazy when we speak up about something, chances are that, without wise boundaries, they will eventually do all three of these things to us.  So how can we stop being afraid of conflict and step away from unhealthy people-pleasing?

We can start by breathing in the words of Jesus in John 15:9: ?As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.?

When we remember we are loved by God, we can remain in His love. We can allow this truth to inform our thoughts and actions. Knowing we?re loved, we can prayerfully consider needed conversations or necessary boundaries in our relationships. We can pursue a healthier approach to inevitable conflicts we all deal with, facing issues with grace and humility. Knowing we?re loved, we can release the fear and anxiety people-pleasing breeds in us.  Ultimately, knowing we?re loved by God allows us to live without carrying the weight of what others think of us.  I don?t know about you, but I nt to live like I?m loved today. Will you join me, friend?

48
General Discussion / Re: Devotions
« on: October 27, 2023, 03:07:00 PM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2023/01/13/running-past-snakes-what-to-do-when-you-face-a-distraction?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=240604111&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-93wweDgLXqH0cY7DfjH43cZhORyDgoRCJKH2Uh2tSxfVgoTF8eyQA7o73I5A0NdoNO2njT_O8NnPDae6gsHFET1wNrKg&utm_content=240604111&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Running Past Snakes: What To Do When You Face a Distraction
January 13, 2023
by Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

?Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.? Proverbs 4:27 (ESV)

A few months ago, I ran in the Diamond 13K race in Central California. The out-and-back course included a mix of shade and sun and a view of the majestic Sierra Nevada in the distance.  Taking off from the start, I found myself running next to my friend Sunny. We were chatting away as we started to ascend the first hill, named The Corkscrew. Then I saw it.  On the side of the trail, just a few steps away, was a coiled black-and-white snake. Did I mention I hate snakes?

I tried to stay calm and do the only thing I knew to do: keep running. ?Did you see that?? I asked Sunny next to me. ?A snake!?

?I missed it!? she exclaimed, wide-eyed.

I kept thinking about that snake for the next mile, feeling distracted and unsure of my steps.  Was it dangerous?

Should I have stopped to take a picture?

Would it be there on my way back down the hill to the finish line?

It was then that a proverb I had read came to mind:  ?Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil? (Proverbs 4:26-27, ESV).

The book of Proverbs provides for believers wisdom that King Solomon collected for a young man in his day.  The word ?ponder? in Proverbs 4:26 means ?to consider well.? In life (and while trail running), it?s important to consider well where we are going. This proverb reminded me to keep my eyes forward and my feet on the path.  After I reached the top of The Corkscrew, I made a decision to stop thinking about that snake. With 7 miles ahead of me, I needed to refocus on my race. If I continued to keep dwelling on the snake, I could get distracted, lose my footing and fall potentially causing myself injury or ruining my running time.  In putting the snake from my mind, I chose to dwell on other things. (Philippians 4:8) That?s when I started to enjoy my run. The sky was an azure blue, and the trail was lit up with greens and golds. I turned on my worship music and found the cadence of breath and steps again.  By the time I crossed the finish line, I had completely forgotten about that snake.  Later, I realized how much this experience was a mirror for life.  Sometimes as we go along, we encounter a ?snake? on the side of the trail. Perhaps it's a simple distraction, like a social media notification during our quiet time, a questionable television show we know we shouldn?t watch, or a task left unfinished that calls to us when we need rest. Maybe it's the enemy himself trying to lead us astray, to discourage us from pursuing our calling or to cause a misunderstanding in our relationship with God.  Many times in long-distance races, a runner called a ?pacer? will lead the rest of the runners. The pacer sets the pace for the other runners, but the other runners have to keep the pacer in view, making sure not to speed ahead or lag too far behind.  Friends, these are the moments when we have to make a decision to let Jesus be our Pacer in life and to keep running. When our eyes are focused forward on Jesus and where He?s headed, it?s easier to pivot away from distractions.  And when our minds simply won?t cooperate in the face of distractions, we can remember it was God Himself who created our minds. Let?s ask Him for the perseverance to focus on Him as we take each and every thought captive throughout our days.

49
General Discussion / Re: Devotions
« on: October 25, 2023, 02:37:38 PM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2023/01/11/reject-the-lie-that-you-arent-good-enough?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=240603973&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--GiDTdBEDJ3he5JxOBKP0gnmwQ5SKhMAN0UoJ1V6QPNkZ7A4Dl2Ow-SqOYO7hMqU93JeGjjA129UunbkXYlT0ZBQRMag&utm_content=240603973&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Reject the Lie That You Aren?t Good Enough
January 11, 2023
by Nona Jones

?As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send someone to bring him to me, for he must die!? 1 Samuel 20:31 (NIV)

We?ve all been there feeling like we?re not good enough because no matter how hard we try, someone else is doing better and achieving more.  Behind the forced smile, we secretly feel like their success is our failure because we believe we don?t measure up in comparison.  You know the feeling. At work, your boss told everyone, ?Amanda broke the sales record again!?

Your stomach turned because yet again you wondered, Why can?t I ever beat Amanda?

Or maybe you were scrolling through social media when you saw Jennifer away on another exotic vacation with Stanley. You looked at your husband and thought, Why am I not worth a nice trip somewhere?

Or maybe you were so excited about the launch of your new podcast until your college roommate hit 100,000 subscribers on hers. As you closed your laptop, you thought to yourself, What's the point? I'll never have that many subscribers.  The Bible story of King Saul?s jealousy toward David hinges on this same line of thinking.

Saul was the reigning king of Israel appointed by God after the Israelites demanded that God give them a king. However, Saul felt less-than in comparison to David because people approved of David more than him. The people sang in 1 Samuel 18:7, ?Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands? (NIV), a song that set Saul on a murderous rampage against David.

But there is a third person in this story Jonathan, Saul?s son and supposed heir to the throne. He was also David?s best friend. As a matter of fact, just three verses before Saul?s jealousy was triggered against David, Jonathan gave David his robe and weapons in a display of love and friendship. (1 Samuel 18:4)  Jonathan had an entirely different reaction to the people?s approval of David. Instead of seeing the people?s approval of someone else as an indictment against himself, Jonathan celebrated David. Here?s why this is so crucial.  Saul believed it was because of David?s popularity that his kingship and Jonathan?s future kingship were less secure. This is why, in response to Jonathan?s encouragement not to harm David, Saul angrily turned to his son and said, ?As long as the son of Jesse [David] lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established. Now send someone to bring him to me, for he must die!? (1 Samuel 20:31).

Saul forgot that it was God alone who had put him on his throne, and it would be God who would remove him and set the next king (who turned out to be David) on the throne.  But Jonathan didn?t secure his identity in being king; he secured his identity in who God said he was and in God?s power to win battles on His people?s behalf. Jonathan wasn?t threatened by David because he believed that ?nothing can hinder the LORD from saving, whether by many or by few? (1 Samuel 14:6c, NIV).

Ultimately, he trusted God to exalt and humble whom He wished, whether that included God granting him kingship or not.  When you start to spiral into thoughts like Why wasn?t I invited? or Why her instead of me? or Why can?t I ever be good enough? ask yourself a more important question: Why does it matter?

Killing toxic comparison requires changing what we believe about ourselves. The question Why does it matter? helps us uncover what we believe about ourselves. Not being invited matters because we believe we're not worthy, and for those of us struggling with that, not being invited serves as perceived proof that we're not worthy.  But what if we learn to reframe the things that trigger our insecurity so instead of making us feel unworthy, they draw us closer to God?

Like Jonathan, we need to reframe other people?s success as an opportunity to celebrate what God is doing in their lives without comparing it to what God is doing in our lives.

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Articles / For Decades, Churches Forced Unwed Mothers Into Adoptions
« on: October 19, 2023, 03:09:17 PM »
https://sojo.net/articles/decades-churches-forced-unwed-mothers-adoptions

For Decades, Churches Forced Unwed Mothers Into Adoptions
By Rebecca Randall
Oct 17, 2023

When Francine Gurtler gave birth at age 15, she felt like she lost her voice. Gurtler lived at an Episcopal home for unwed mothers and said the workers of the home coerced her into placing her baby for adoption.  ?They literally took him from my arms,? she said. The adoption record notes she was ?tearful,? but Gurtler said, ?I was sobbing, hysterically, uncontrollably, on the ground begging the social worker to let me keep my baby.?

Now, she is lobbying the Episcopal Church to make to make an apology for forcing her and other women and girls to relinquish their children for adoption while receiving services in the church?s maternity homes.  Raised an Episcopalian, Gurtler entered St. Faith?s Home for Unwed Mothers, operated within the New York diocese of the Episcopal Church, in 1971. The adoption records included: ?The birth mother told this social worker that she knew she had to give up her son as there was no other way, but she loved him and wished she could have kept him.? Gurtler told Sojourners: ?There was no other way because I was not given a choice.?

In 2017, she was reunited with her son through a DNA test. The reunion was drawn out over a few years? worth of phone calls and trips. It was emotionally draining, particularly as members of her reunited family still thought of Gurtler as ?giving up? her son. After a cross-country trip to visit him, ?I had a full-blown panic attack and went home,? she said. ?That put me on the journey to finding the truth.?

For a long time, she thought she was the only one who felt her child was stolen from her and given to another family. During late night internet surfing, she discovered another mother forced to surrender her baby: Karen Wilson-Buterbaugh, who wrote The Baby Scoop Era documenting forced adoptions between 1945 and 1972.In 2021, Gurtler found the Catholic Mothers for Truth & Transparency a group formed to speak against Catholic institutions that forced adoptions. The mothers successfully advocated for a 2021 Connecticut law to allow adoptees to access their original birth certificates.  ?It is widely recognized we have endured a trauma by losing our children to adoption, but the overwhelming majority of us are actively trying to heal in the face of this trauma,? the group wrote in an op-ed in The Connecticut Mirror. ?We do so by regaining our voices and our power that was lost at relinquishment.?

Energized by that win, the mothers turned next to asking for an apology from the Catholic Church. While other institutions, including churches, have apologized for forced adoptions in other countries, no church institutions in the U.S. are known to have apologized. The Episcopal Church declined to comment until after its executive council meets in late October 2023.  Gurtler, who is still an involved member in the Episcopal Church, wondered if she could successfully get the denomination to apologize for their role in forced adoptions. She sent emails to every bishop and any clergy member she thought might help sponsor a resolution. Eventually, she met Mark Diebel, a retired priest and adoptee. Together, they wrote a paper for a resolution at the 2022 Episcopal general convention, including the research of Wilson-Buterbaugh.  The church passed the resolution acknowledging its role in running maternity homes, where forced adoption took place. According to Gurtler?s research, the Episcopal Church ran at least seven maternity homes across the country, as well as having a role in the network of other homes. While it?s unknown if all maternity homes coerced mothers into giving up their children, historian Rickie Solinger described in her book Wake Up Little Susie how abusive adoption practices became common all over the country from the end of World War II to 1973 when Roe v. Wade passed.

The Baby Scoop Era

Wilson-Buterbaugh estimates that 1.5 million mothers were forced to relinquish their infants to adoption during this time. She refers to it as the ?Baby Scoop Era.? Unmarried mothers in the U.S. and other anglophone countries faced coercion by social workers and societal attitudes toward their ?sin.? Young, single, mostly white women, who became pregnant, were commonly sent to live at maternity homes, often against their will. Most maternity homes were operated by religious institutions.  Wilson-Buterbaugh said she ?had no control in 1966 when [her] baby was taken? by a Catholic social worker at the Florence Crittenton Home in Washington, D.C.

According to several reports found by Wilson-Buterbaugh, there were between 150 and 190 maternity homes in the U.S. in the 1960s. Three-quarters of the homes were affiliated with either the Florence Crittenton League (a charity that helped ?reform? unwed mothers, also known as National Florence Crittenton Mission), the Salvation Army, or various Catholic charities. The others were run by other religious groups or independent agencies, including by Episcopal organizations.  ?When you hear, ?Well, oh well it was the times, that?s why they did it.? Bull---- on that,? said Gurtler.

According to Wilson-Buterbaugh?s book, mothers were not generally pressured to relinquish their children in the early decades of the 20th century. She describes the ?Baby Scoop Era? as a regression on a timeline of women?s rights.  National Florence Crittenton Mission was established in 1883 by Charles Crittenton and Dr. Kate Waller Barrett, who were both Episcopalians. The homes would provide mothers shelter, medical care, discipleship, and job training. Mothering was considered a path to reform. Barrett wrote in 1903, ?During all the years that our home has been opened we have never consented in a single case to the child being given away.?

Over the years, the Crittenton homes expanded across the country and world to include over 70 independently operated homes.  A 1923 St. Faith?s report released from the diocese of New York doesn?t mention any adoptions among the 16 babies born that year. Instead, it notes the number of girls confirmed and babies baptized.  But in the decade leading up to WWII, historian Regina Kunzel found that social workers shifted to thinking of unwed mothers as ?deviant? or even psychotic and unfit to parent. They increasingly began practicing relinquishment and adoption, believing it to be in the best interest of the child. In some maternity homes, mothers were not granted entrance unless they agreed to relinquish their child. Once there, mothers were isolated from society, their families, often the father of their children, then, ultimately, their child.  In the decades after World War II, infertile, white married couples, often wealthy, began turning to social workers to form families, creating a demand for adoptions. According to sociologist Gretchen Sisson, researchers agree that about 20 percent of babies born to white unwed mothers were relinquished during this era. By 1966, most mothers who stayed at St. Faith?s surrendered their children for adoption according to a document from the home?s director at the time.  Jeannette Pai-Espinosa, the current president of Justice + Joy (formerly the National Florence Crittenton Mission), said that people felt that white women ?had more possibility or chances of reaching their hopes and dreams, and there were so many opportunities that they were going to miss if they had this baby,? she said. ?That wasn?t the case for marginalized women of color.?

These racist expectations colored views on motherhood and adoption. Most people of color born during their mothers? stay at Crittenton homes were still raised by their mother. As Sisson explained: In the Baby Scoop Era, white women faced shame, which was redeemable through adoption, while Black women faced blame, which resulted in discriminatory policies and attitudes toward Black families and children.  St. Faith?s closed in the mid-1970s, becoming a children?s home. Today, 25 Justice + Joy agencies still provide services to young women, but the priority is to enable mothers to remain with their children a pendulum swing that Pai-Espinosa regards as true to the original mission. Though times have changed, she said ?young motherhood is still influenced by the same complex mix of factors: race, gender, and class.?

An Episcopal apology?

If an apology is formalized, the Episcopal Church would be the first organization in the U.S. to facilitate an apology process for mothers and their children who were adopted. Two Canadian religious institutions formally apologized: the United Church of Canada in November 2020 and the Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Vancouver in May 2022.  The United Church of Canada ran five maternity homes across Canada. ?Women told us that they felt, pressured, coerced, or forced to give up their babies and the church recognizes it participated in the culture of shame that surrounded unmarried mothers at that time,? said Rev. Daniel Hayward, chairperson of the committee that recommended the apology.

To make reparations, the Vancouver archdiocese initiated trainings for Catholic counselors, social workers, and psychologists; ran articles in its regional newspaper; created a webpage of resources for adoptees and families of origin; and opened a hotline for those affected by adoption. Archbishop J. Michael Miller also gave a Mother?s Day blessing for mothers who were coerced to place their children for adoption.  Although the Episcopal Church no longer operates maternity homes, Gurtler and her counterparts worry that local dioceses and parishes continue to encourage the separation of mothers and infants via support of social and adoption agencies that pressure mothers to relinquish their infants.  Overall, she wants the church to stop promoting the narrative of adoption as ?the most wonderful thing,? and instead favor natural family preservation.

She wants the church to support mental health services for women who relinquished their kids at church-operated maternity homes like St. Faith?s. She also wants the church to assist families in finding each other again; birth records are not accessible even to adoptees in every state, and adoption records themselves can be elusive.  For the Episcopal Church?s resolution, Pai-Espinosa wrote a letter expressing regret over the actions of Crittenton in coercing mothers into placing their children for adoption. ?Not a month goes by that we don?t hear from someone searching for a family member and we are acutely aware of the pain and damage done by the past practices,? she wrote.

She encouraged the church not to react defensively but to compassionately consider the consequences of the actions taken during this era.  Gurtler, now a speech pathologist, says joining other women in calling on religious institutions to apologize for forced adoption is finally helping her use her voice again. For herself, she simply wants the truth to be acknowledged.  ?I just want someone to say to my son and my grandchildren: ?We stole him from her,?? she said.

51
General Discussion / Re: Devotions
« on: October 17, 2023, 11:30:28 AM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/12/29/planting-small-seeds-that-reap-big-rewards?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=237844368&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_-ZSP3F51zWzcK8X1bMeblkHTyKNujmN6jqLKCO_cxroIiTniglTU8udJ5-IeRJvd1BTksY0TO8thLpplMDKD_Q27sLg&utm_content=237844368&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Planting Small Seeds That Reap Big Rewards
December 29, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“He told them another parable: ‘The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.'” Matthew 13:31-32 (NIV)

Isn’t it easy to overlook small opportunities to help others because we don’t think it would make a real difference?

Little acts of kindness, chances to help another person, will pass us right by if we’re not carefully paying attention.  These things might seem meaningless, but when we get to heaven, I think we will be surprised by what mattered the most. What actually changed the world. What fulfilled the purposes for which we were created. The small places we showed up and served in obedience will prompt Jesus to say, “Well done. Remember when you took the time to share encouraging words with someone who needed them? That’s the day you helped change the world.”

That’s what I see in our key verses today, Matthew 13:31-32:  “He told them another parable: 'The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches.’”

I keep reminding myself right now of this upside-down nature of God.  God has a pattern of taking what makes us feel less-than and using it for great things. And then the opposite is true as well. It’s those things that make us feel like we’re better than others that actually produce nothing significant at all. It seems, with Him, small is big, and big is small. The cheers of the crowds don’t mean much. The simple conversation where we helped someone means everything. Hundreds or thousands of people following us on social media isn’t the big influence we think it is. Being kind and gracious to that gal who works at the grocery store does more than we know. A donation given with a pure and generous heart is a massive gift for the Kingdom. A million dollars given with a hidden agenda and a desire for recognition is a tiny gift for the Kingdom.  God has the most beautiful, powerful ability to take the little we have, offered to Him in obedience, and magnify it for His glory in a big way.  I also know when you feel unseen, unheard and unnoticed, it can feel incredibly hard to muster up encouraging words for others. However, no matter what we may be facing, we have an opportunity not to overlook the small, mustard-seed opportunities where we can invest in others in heaven today.  Here’s what I want you to try with me:

    If you feel unseen, help one person feel seen by reminding them how uniquely beautiful and gifted they are today.
    If you feel unheard, help one person feel heard by holding space to listen when they're speaking to you, and prayerfully ask God how you can encourage them.
    If you feel unnoticed, help one person feel noticed by honoring the amazing little things they do every single day to make the world a better place.

And why do all of this? Because I’ve found as we purposefully ease the ache in others, we will see it is beautifully eased in us. The unseen ache. The unheard ache. The unnoticed ache. We want to live in a better world, right? So let’s make a decision today to contribute to making it better. Let’s vow to bring heaven to earth with the loving words we say and the moments we cultivate that bring laughter.

It doesn’t have to be big to be significant. We can show up, listen and lean in. We can pray. We don’t have to push or prove or earn anything. We can plan something joyful. We can plan for some moments that matter. We can plan to do something for another person that will simply be kind and honor God.

The next big step God wants us to take may appear small by the world’s standards:

Loving our next-door neighbor who lives alone …
Spending extra time with our child when we’re exhausted …
Going the extra mile for someone who can’t repay us …
Choosing to stay obediently in a commitment that isn’t going how we thought it would …
Giving our all in something we want to quit …

And sometimes God is inviting us to be a part of great things He is doing all around us, but we may miss the invitation because of its appearance of smallness or insignificance. We may never know what that next step is if we don’t “listen for GOD’s voice in everything [we] do, everywhere [we] go,” as Proverbs 3:6 (MSG) instructs us.

Each day we can look for His invitation to leave our plans behind to join Him in His wondrous work through small steps of obedience.  Let’s start with the people right in front of us today. And watch how God turns something small into something big and beautiful in His timing.  I believe we have the opportunity to do something eternally significant every single day let’s not allow today to pass us by.

52
https://committees.parliament.uk/work/1522/the-right-to-family-life-adoption-of-children-of-unmarried-women-19491976/news/164944/ongoing-legacy-of-historic-adoption-practices-revealed-in-published-evidence/

Ongoing legacy of historic adoption practices revealed in published evidence

18 March 2022

The Joint Committee on Human Rights has published the first tranche of written evidence it has received as part of its inquiry into the adoption of children of unmarried women between 1949 and 1976. The submissions include a large number of personal testimonies from mothers who were separated from their children, and people who were separated from their mothers as babies.

The testimonies reveal the societal and institutional pressures that led to unmarried mothers feeling they had no choice but for their baby to be adopted, and in many cases being given no option at all. They reveal a pervasive sense of shame and judgement towards unmarried mothers that led to pregnant women and girls being hidden or sent away and an air of secrecy for many years afterwards. This extended to the standard of treatment experienced during and after the birth, and has left a lasting impact. People who were adopted described the legacy of not knowing their family history, particularly for health issues.

A central aim of the inquiry is to listen to those affected by adoption practices during this time. As part of this the Joint Committee is holding a round-table event where members of the public can relate their experiences. Further information about how to take part can be found here.

The published written evidence can be found on the Committee’s website here. Excerpts of the submissions giving an overview of some the key issues raised are below. At the request of some respondents, and to protect the anonymity of individuals, some parts of the submissions have been redacted ahead of publication.

How unmarried mothers were treated

“Sending me away from my family to adult lodgings to have a baby on my own at 15 years has scarred me for life. Physically and psychologically. Being away from home in a strange town, I was not integrated into ante natal care and had absolutely no idea what to expect. I had a traumatic manual induction of labour at the hands of a local GP. I went into labour and hospital by ambulance alone. The birth process was a terrible shock as I had no preparation. I cared for my son for 8 days in the maternity hospital before returning to my lodgings alone. Back in my home town I was not integrated into post-natal care. I believe this lack of physical health care led to my being unable to have any further children. An indescribable grief.”

Mrs Eileen Griffiths (ACU0006)

“In 1962, as a seventeen year old art student, I found myself pregnant. As was commonplace at that time, my family was horrified and decided to send me away and hide my situation, to avoid the shame and loss of reputation that would otherwise follow.”

Anonymous (ACU0092)

“I was unaccompanied during the birth, except for the midwives, and the birth took place in a local hospital on 1975. The birth was long and grim, ending with an epidural, forceps and many stitches, probably because I had had virtually no ante-natal care or preparation and was absolutely terrified. My daughter was taken straight into the nursery and I was left on a trolley outside the delivery room until, sometime later, I was wheeled onto a ward. I cannot remember much of the next ten days (ten days was the usual post-birth hospital stay then) but I do know that I was desperate to see my daughter all the time. I remember going secretly into the nursery in the dead of night and attempting to breastfeed her – I had no idea at all of how to do this but some primal need and drive led me. After ten days, I left the hospital with my mother, leaving my daughter behind. And from that moment on, my family didn’t refer to either my daughter or my experience for forty years. I was expected to get on with life.”

Anonymous (ACU 108)

Making decisions around adoption

“I did not know I was allowed to give my son a name I was so elated when I was told I was allowed to. There was so much I didn’t know, about my rights. There was no-one standing up for me and my son. Everything was geared to pressurise me into relinquishing my son to a married, childless couple.”

Anonymous (ACU0044)

“As an unmarried mother I was allocated a social worker, who although, was very kind and understanding, persuaded me that there really was no alternative but to have my baby adopted. I had no support from the father of the baby, I could not, and would not rely on support from my parents, and at that time there was no government support in any way. I just could not have kept my baby, carried on working and supporting myself without help. So the most painful decision of my life had to be made, and everyone encouraged me to have my baby adopted.”

Florence Keaton (ACU0057)

“My parents didn’t really know what to do, so left it all in the hands of our family doctor. He immediately put us in touch with the Church Army moral welfare officer and the whole situation was completely governed by my GP and the Church welfare officer. Adoption was the only prospect ever considered by them and my parents – I didn’t even have a say in the matter. But I knew even before he was born that I loved my baby – it felt like it was him and me against the world. But my rights as a mother and his rights as my child were taken away from us.”

Anonymous (ACU0112)

Attempting to establish contact

“I decided I would try to find my mother as the law allowed. I had to go for 3 interviews with Social Services just to apply for my original birth certificate. They gave me incorrect info regarding my mother. Said she was 21 and not Irish as I had been told by my adopted mother. They told me they could give me no help in tracing my mother. I felt I had to pass a suitability test just to know who I was.”

Anonymous (ACU0020)

“Another very difficult thing to hear from my mother was that she had searched for me. She had desperately wanted to find me and had done everything in her power to find out where I was including going through the records at [redacted] House. All to no avail, she was told that all she could do was leave her details on my file should I ever come looking. I will never understand this. Why was she not allowed to at least know that I was alive and safe? How incredibly cruel. It brings tears to my eyes to think of how that must have felt for her, knowing I was out there somewhere, possibly in the next street or possibly on the other side of the world.”

Anonymous (ACU0081)

“Under the adoption legislation of the time, the adoption was deemed full and final, that there would be no contact. What if my daughter didn't know she had been adopted? There was, after all, no requirement for her to have been told and I had no right to approach mediation services”

Anonymous (ACU0115)

Long-term impact

“I am angry that adoption practices allowed me to be handed over to unfit adopters. I am angry that society, professionals, and adoption practices at that time caused my birth mother so much pain, trauma, and life-long shame. I feel an adoption apology to acknowledge the huge impact of forced adoption on birth mothers and their children who were adopted is long overdue.”

Anonymous (ACU0046)

“None of us me, my birth mother, and adopted parents received support or counselling. There was nothing. We were all just left to get on with it it’s only from having a friend who is a fellow adoptee of the same age (with similar issues) that I have researched the effects of how being adopted impacts on one’s self-esteem and ability to bond with others. But I continue to feel like a dirty unworthy secret.”

Anonymous (ACU0074)

“I was severed from my birth family, and they were severed from me. I was prevented access to familiar faces and the people that I look like. I didn’t have information pertinent to familial medical history. I grew up without the facts surrounding my life. I was raised with the knowledge that I am adopted, although my experience of dialogue around my adoption is shut-down. It is not talked about. Adoption has deeply impacted on my sense of self, my self-esteem, my relationships to others, and my relationship to the world.”

Harry Barnett (ACU0091)

53
General Discussion / Re: Devotions
« on: October 15, 2023, 02:32:04 PM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/12/22/what-do-i-do-with-all-of-these-painful-memories-this-christmas-season?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=237560633&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_S6iOO-gzp132-c-gUQGIs-2EkcYQEBGtOlCXMHuYbJ6cp6v2y3RWz_nSeTY6cDz54PBDBsa0eiw11eUmyBoMjT__BhA&utm_content=237560633&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

What Do I Do With All of These Painful Memories This Christmas Season?
December 22, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“Now grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift.” Ephesians 4:7 (CSB)

Do you ever find yourself defining life by “before” and “after” the deep hurt?

The horrific season. The conversation that stunned you. The shocking day of discovery. The relationship you hoped would go the distance, but it didn’t. The day your friend walked away. The hurtful conversation. The remark that seems to be branded on your soul. The day everything changed.  That marked moment in time. Life before. Life now. Is it even possible to move on from something like this?

I deeply understand this kind of defining devastation in such a personal way. I also know how the Christmas season can magnify all of that pain.  People who are no longer a part of our lives are missing from holiday traditions. Ornaments and photographs that should bring joy stir up feelings of grief instead. Memories that were once sweet now serve only to widen the chasm between what was and what is.  So what are we supposed to do with all of these mementos and memories?

The ones where there was some good there at one time, there were some beautiful things, and there are some good memories even if the good turned bad and an ending was absolutely necessary.  Do we go through our homes and throw everything out? Is there a way for us to walk away holding on to our integrity? Is there a way to let someone walk away from us without hating them? Is there any way for a bad goodbye to be a “good” bye still?

It’s interesting that the original phrase in the late 1500s was “God be with ye.” The contraction of that phrase was “Godbwye” which eventually became “goodbye.”  I’ve recently sat with the thought of goodbyes being more of a sending off with God rather than a slammed door, a contact deleted and a puddle of angst. Is it possible for a goodbye to be more than a good riddance with a huff of disgust?

I wonder. When Jesus watched the rich young ruler walk away, what was the look in His eyes? (Matthew 19:22)

I wonder. When Peter denied Jesus and abandoned Him just before Jesus went to the cross, what was the goodbye like?

A goodbye Jesus surely whispered through a busted-up body and a broken heart? (Mark 14:71-72)

I wonder what it was like when Judas, with a heart full of betrayal, kissed Jesus’ cheek, sold Him out and then ended his own life. (Matthew 26:47-49) How did Jesus say goodbye?

I’ll never really know on this side of eternity.  But I have a thought. I think Jesus said goodbye the same way He lived all the days before the hurt, betrayal, rejection and abandonment. While the relationships certainly changed, He didn’t let the goodbye change Him. He let people walk away without letting go of who He was. Even when people turned on Jesus, He didn’t let a goodbye turn Him into someone He was never meant to be.  And while I’ll be the first one to admit I’m nowhere close to the purity and perfection of Jesus, I also don’t want goodbyes in my life to make it look like I’ve never spent any time with Jesus at all.  I haven’t been great about this in the past. But I’d like to get better.  Friend, can I whisper something I’m learning?

Staying here, blaming that person and forever defining your life by what they did will only increase the pain. Worse, it will keep projecting out onto others. The more our pain consumes us, the more it will control us. And sadly, it’s those who least deserve to be hurt whom our unresolved pain will hurt the most.  We can’t edit reality to try to force healing. We can’t fake our way into being OK with what happened. But we can decide that the ones who hurt us don’t get to decide what we do with our memories. Our lives can be a graceful combination of beautiful and painful. We don’t have to put either definitive label on it — it can be both-and.  Maybe that’s part of what’s hard about moving on: the letting go. But what if it’s possible to let go of what we must but still carry with us what is beautiful and meaningful and true to us? And maybe this less-severe version of moving on is what will ease us to a place of forgiveness, allowing God’s grace for us to flow freely through us like today's key verse talks about. (Ephesians 4:7)  There’s been enough trauma. So because I don’t want anything else ripped or stripped away, I need to decide what stays and what goes.  This is what I need. This is what I want. I’d like a little more “God be with you” in my goodbyes.  Some of the memories of what happened will probably always be painful and not good at all. But the thought of “God be with you” has really stuck to something good in my heart. And it’s sneaking into my thoughts and my processing and even my conversations as Christmas is approaching.  And then the other night I literally just closed my eyes and pictured Jesus’ hands. I mentally started placing all the memories, one by one, into His strong, carpentry-calloused, nail-pierced, grace-gripped hands. I asked the Lord to help me whisper “God be with you” over each memory.  It didn’t settle everything yet. But it was a start, and I believe that Jesus is working in me and healing my heart.  I want this for you, too, however this translates within the context of your pain, those pictures, those memories, those times of togetherness.  This isn’t easy, sweet friend. But let's determine today that we don't want to let pain write our future.

54
General Discussion / Walking Counts When It’s Hard To Run Your Race
« on: October 15, 2023, 01:51:01 PM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/12/21/walking-counts-when-its-hard-to-run-your-race?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=237560722&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-9M_DJMRTaKHOvqov1oQDXzPeCNb3MuG_Egdcfkj4ybzqoV7BjvI3329UW5_Tj4tKYIs6j0cmVNRcK4DtVUw83B_Gt4sg&utm_content=237560722&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Walking Counts When It’s Hard To Run Your Race
December 21, 2022
by Kia Stephens

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us …” Hebrews 12:1 (NIV)

Everything about me looked like I was a serious runner.  Leggings, earbuds and my cellphone armband communicated to all onlookers that I was in the habit of exercising regularly. The elastic in my pants firmed up my otherwise wiggly cellulite, making me appear more toned. I felt good, looked the part and had a bright idea: Why not run today instead of walk?

The sun beamed on my face, the morning air was refreshing, and the songs on my playlist made me feel alive as I jogged to the beat. I was a runner at least until my body began to tell me otherwise.  Initially, it was a subtle change: My legs started to ache, my skin started to itch, and my breathing became uncontrolled. Soon, I was completely out of breath and aching all over. Everything in me wanted to quit, but quitting was not an option. I had a self-imposed goal to run my entire route.  I did not want to break the commitment I made with myself, but my ambitions were more than I was capable of achieving that day. Reluctantly, I gave myself permission to alternate between running for as long as I could and walking when I needed a break.  Sometimes we need to offer ourselves this same type of grace in our faith race.  There are seasons in our lives when we look and feel spiritually strong. We faithfully have daily quiet time, attend Sunday services, forgive quickly, serve in multiple ways, adhere to spiritual disciplines and fellowship with others.  Then we experience unexpected obstacles we must overcome that leave us exhausted, out of breath and ready to give up. The author of Hebrews offers us encouragement for those seasons in our lives.  Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us …”

This scripture comes after spiritual “giants” Abraham, Sarah, David, Samuel and countless others are commended for their faith. These people are the spectators of our faith race and a part of the “great cloud of witnesses” referred to in Hebrews 12. Because of the foundation they laid for us, the author of Hebrews says we can “throw off everything that hinders” and “run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

My faith race this year has been one filled with many challenges. I wish I could say I immediately threw off my hindrances, sins and the things that entangled me, but there have been times when all I could do was just keep moving forward.  Hebrews 12:1 tells us quitting is not an option. Instead of quitting, we must learn to give ourselves grace.  I opted to run my faith race for as long as I could and to walk when I needed to. Walking does not equate to failure. It simply gives us the grace we need to persevere.  Walking may mean that for a season …

1.  We are intentional about resting more and serving less.
2.  We spend time with God instead of doing things for God.
3.  We pray prayers that are filled with more tears than words.

I am convinced walking will not disqualify us. God doesn’t ask us to sprint at top speed through our faith race; He asks us to persevere. God encourages us to choose a pace we can sustain over time. Sometimes this requires spiritually walking.  When we walk, we are still moving and believing in God, completing the race marked out for us and building up our endurance so we can eventually run again. Each of us has a God-appointed race only we can run. When life gets hard (and we know it will), may we focus on Jesus and walk with perseverance until we can run the rest of the way.

55
https://publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm201213/cmselect/cmeduc/137/137we02.htm

Education Committee - The Child Protection System in EnglandWritten evidence submitted by John Hemming MP, Justice for Families

1. I founded the Justice for Families campaign in 2006 in a response to the number of people contacting me with problems which arose from care proceedings in England. Justice for Families assists people facing problems with the care system by offering advice on taking cases though the domestic courts and to the European Court of Human Rights. Justice for Families currently has over a thousand cases. These are my personal views.

2. England’s child protection system is in crisis. Perhaps the most obvious symptom of this is in the large numbers of vacancies in the profession and the anecdotal reports of burnout amongst practitioners. At the same time families have left the country to get away from the system and increasing numbers of children are dying from suspected child abuse and neglect. Ofsted’s records of serious childcare incident notifications went up from 47 baby deaths in 2008 to 75 baby deaths in 2009. This was accompanied by a substantial increase in the numbers of children being taken into care.

3. The problem is that the system takes the wrong children into care. Inherently the quality of practice will vary. Some practitioners may be very cautious before taking a child into care particularly given the outcomes for children in care. Others may take a more gung ho approach. If, however, the care system gets overloaded with children resource constraints will inevitably have an effect. The costs are also an issue. Similar sums could provide a lot more support.

4. Haringey, like many authorities, had a target for the number of children in care which was kept for budgetary purposes. The target for March 2007 was 365 and for March 2008 352. In part the objective of reducing numbers in care is laudable as well of that of trying to reduce the weekly costs which have run at higher than £800 per child per week. On 3 October 2006 it was noted that the deficit forecast for Haringey Local Council was £4.6 million which included a forecast overspend for Children’s Services of £2.3 million including a figure of £500K for Looked After Children. The Executive Member for Finance said “I will be working closely with the services concerned and I will be looking to them to identify ways to bring the budget back on target”. It was recognised at that time that the placements budget was running at 381 children and was very tight. The figure then crept up to 392 by November 2006.

5. By 31 March 2007 the financial situation had improved although there had still been an overspend of £500K on legal fees. The numbers of children in care had reduced and a new target was set of 352. In March at the end of the 2007–08 financial year, however, the numbers of children in care had increased back up to 373 (21 more than budget). It appears that controls on the number of care proceedings were tightened up in November 2006 with the 12 month rolling number from November 2006 going below 40 for the first time they were released in August 2007 and the number then went back up above 50 (where historically it has been in recent years) in September 2007.

6. From this can be seen how the care system can be influenced by budgetary constraints. At a senior management level the details of cases are not considered. Managers are instructed to get certain numbers to change. Whilst BV163 was in operation managers were instructed to increase the numbers of children adopted. This was a pressure from central government that occurred not taking into consideration what effect this had on children and families. Managerial success was determined on the basis of the numbers rather than how well children had been cared for.

7. The child protection system in England is particularly obsessed with adoption. What is worse is that not only was the system driven by financial targets for increasing the number of adoptions, but also that it was driven by a mathematical error in the calculations as to what proportion of children were adopted.

8. There are many reports that show the error made by the government, but a good example is Alan Rushton’s paper “Outcomes of adoption from public care: research and practice issues” published in Advances in Psychiatric Treatment (2007) 13: 305–311. In this paper he says “Adoption from care concerns just a small proportion (6%) of all looked after children in England (Department for Education and Skills, 2005) and so remains a relatively uncommon solution to the needs of these young people.”

9. The mathematical error made by the department is that they are comparing the number of children adopted (3,800 in 2004–05) to the number of children in care (about 63,000) rather than the number that came into care in that year (7,700). Of the 7,700 taken into care in 2005 1,700 were aged over 10. Those children are normally taken into care because their parents cannot cope. Hence of the 6,000 that could potentially be adopted some 3,800 are actually adopted. That is more like 60% than 6%.

10. Unsurprisingly a large number of these adoptions break down. Research by people such as Alan Rushton finds disrupted adoptions run at around 20–25%. These fail often because the children that are adopted exhibit very difficult behaviour. Anecdotal evidence also suggests that many adoptive parents are not given full understanding of the child’s background and behavioural difficulties before the adoption is completed. There also seems to be a perception among some adoptive parents that once they are abandoned by both CAMHS and the LA being left to cope alone with these behaviours.

11. What is particularly sad is that a large proportion of the children who are adopted are removed at a very early age from their birth family. Research by Professor Michael Rutter points to the key months for a baby being six to 18 months. In 2004–05 1,770 babies were taken into care before this period.

12. The evidence in terms of attachment disorders and particularly reactive attachment disorders, therefore, for these children is that this is caused by the way they are treated whilst in care. Professor Rutter’s research demonstrates that the children can recover from difficulties from a lack of love and attention in the first six months of life, but not so readily from that in the following 12 months.

13. Reactive Attachment disorder is often misdiagnosed as autism. Children who have this problem have difficult behaviour that the authorities provide little support for and then when the children get old enough their behaviour is so difficult that their adoptive parents cannot cope and they go back into care.

14. A figure of 20% of adoptions failing would give some 800 children every year who are coming back into care. What I find particularly dreadful is that a number of those are children whose problems are caused by their treatment in care.

15. At the same time we have children removed at birth for inadequate causes. It is obvious from the figures as to increasing numbers of deaths (sent to Ofsted) that the crystal ball used by practitioners to predict the future (such as likely emotional abuse) is not spotting the children at risk of dying as a result of abuse.

16. Before going into the issue of potential changes I will look specifically at the issues raised by the committee:  Whether the child protection system allows for effective identification of, and early help to, children at risk of different forms of abuse and exploitation (including, but not restricted to: neglect, sexual and physical abuse, domestic violence, forced marriage, female genital mutilation, child trafficking and online exploitation)

17. The current system has low thresholds that allow a very large number of interventions. The interventions that actually happen, therefore, tend to be driven in part by a mixture of budgetary limits and chance.

18. The phrases “neglect” and “physical abuse” are far too vague. One constituency case I have relates to a debate as to whether or not a child has been smacked. The damage that has been done to the family as a result of the intervention goes much further than any potential harm to the child.

19. If low thresholds are allowed for intervention then this places a strain on the system and does not allow a proper triage system to operate.

20. “Emotional abuse” is far too much of catch all category. Children suffer some psychological trauma from being taken into care. Hence before a child should be taken into care for “emotional abuse” there has to be a very high threshold. It would be useful to have a longditudinal study of cases of children removed from families for emotional abuse to identify if this benefits the child.

Factors affecting the quality of decision-making in referral and assessment, and variations across the country

21. There are far too few guidelines for decision-making. This gives rise to a wide variation in thresholds. One mother who has had over nine children removed by one authority has recently been allowed to go home and look after her child by a different authority.

Appropriate thresholds for intervention, including arguments for and against removing children from their families

22. This is a matter that requires detailed work as referred to above and formal guidance from the government.  Whether the child protection policies and practices of non-social work agencies and Government departments assist professionals to work together in the interests of the child

23. There are far too many compulsory referrals which means that the children’s services departments have to do a lot of triage work. There needs to be clear guidance as to when intervention is warranted and this should guide both social work agencies and non-social work agencies.

Solutions

Firstly, there need to be some general principles

Design a system for real people

24. We need to move away from an approach that looks for scapegoats and aims to punish people for making errors. Child protection is a complex environment where subtle judgments need to be made. Too much pressure on the individual making the judgments results in a number of unacceptable outcomes. Firstly, people decide they do not want to do the job hence lots of vacancies. Secondly, defensive decision-making occurs and finally there is a tendency to try to cover up mistakes rather than learn from them.

25. Care should add value to the child’s life and the parents are actually often the best people to monitor that even if they are not directly responsible for the care of the child.

26. The system should aim to be minimally intrusive with supervised parenting as a priority rather than to be avoided.  Have checks and balances that actually work

27. The system has many so called checks and balances. However, because of the pressures there is a tendency not to correct early mistakes. This creates a culture in which once a decision has been taken an overwhelming effort goes into implementing the decision and too little thought goes into reviewing whether the original decision was right. At the same time it is important that if a decision is changed that no effort goes into punishing the person or people who made the original “wrong” decision. What is needed is that people learn from the process rather than feel they must justify their original decision at all costs.

Operate on an evidenced basis with guidelines

28. There are no real guidelines or law as to what warrants intervention, when parenting is “good enough” or how people fail or pass assessments. This results in an overly wide individual interpretation which is only marginally evidence based. The large numbers of disrupted adoptions show that the main policy underpinning the English system is failing for large numbers of children every year.

Don’t have too much bureaucracy and targets

29. Numerical targets for subtle issues of judgment don’t help. Even having a simplistic target for a timescale within which to do an assessment really doesn’t help. The systems used for recording information should be driven by the job rather than performance indicators. Targets have done substantial damage to judgment.

Given the general principles there need to be specific changes

Move away from a legally dominated system and strengthen the case conference

30. The case conference should be the key location in which decisions are taken. This should not require lawyers although parties may have advocates in meetings. The objective of the case conference should be to look inquisitorially for the best way forward for the children and the families with a view towards what potential solutions exist on a co-operative basis.

31. The practitioners of various disciplines should be allowed to cast a secret ballot as to the conclusion. There may be a merit in bringing in a small number of independent individuals as jurors to balance out the process. This could include members of the extended family. Furthermore proceedings should be video recorded and a copy kept.

32. The case conference, however, has to operate in a truly independent manner with a chair who is not financially dependent upon the local authority. It can also be used to control contact arrangements.

Independent has to mean truly independent

33. One problem area is that many individuals are described as being independent when they are in practice not independent. An expert appointed jointly by the parties depends upon all of the parties. The refusal of second opinions means that it is the decision as to which expert is appointed that generally the determinant of the outcome of the case. Contentious issues such as SBS are ones where specific experts are known to have specific views.

34. Social Workers regularly “advocate for the child” in lobbying experts as to what they expect the conclusion to be from a particular report. It would not be surprising if a local authority were to oppose the appointment of an expert with whom they had previously had difficulties. Hence experts have to keep the local authority sweet.

Have a merits review case conference

35. There needs to be one or two tiers of independent reviewing of the decisions of the case conference. This needs to occur outside the management of the local authority responsible for the original case conference.

36. The problem with the judicial processes is that they have substantial costs which do not exist and are not accessible for people without advice.
Scrap the adoption panels

37. It is unclear what added value arises from the adoption panels. Some evidence is needed as to whether they improve decision-making. Such a large proportion of adoptions are disrupted that it is clear that decision-making goes badly wrong. Adoption panels are made up of lay people who are presented with large quantities of often complex paperwork at a late stage. They normally rely on the social worker who wrote it to guide them through the report and although searching questions are asked this brings into question the true independence of the panel. Further the chair is usually an employee of the LAs children’s department.

Scrap targets and improve case handling.

38. If the performance indicators are scrapped then some of the problems with the ICS are resolved. Record keeping needs to facilitate the process whereby matters are taken to the case conference and through merits reviews. It is important that the recording process identifies allegations that are agreed by parties to the case and also those that are contested. Too many cases are based upon shifting sands and shifting arguments.

Have longitudinal research and feedback

39. The current system has a database called SSDA903 that could be used for more effective research. However the previous government refused to research the numbers of adoptions that were disrupted. Independent audit of a small number of cases on a longitudinal basis is needed for feedback as to changes in practice.

40. There are quite a few cases where children continually run away from foster care to get back to their parents. Detailed review of these is needed to understand whether the actions taken by the state are really any benefit to the children.

Have better categorization of cases for budgetary purposes

41. There will always be budgetary problems. In the current climate questions should be asked as to whether cases based upon “emotional abuse” warrant intervention. However, there needs to be a finer analysis of cases so that when budgetary decisions are made there is some understanding as to their impact.

Facilitate independent scrutiny

42. There needs to be more independent accountability as to what is happening in care cases. Judges should not have control over what is released in respect of the cases that they handle. This should be handled by the information commissioner’s office. Material that does not identify any human parties should be assumed to be to general publication with the permission of a party as long as the parties are kept anonymous. The process should require parties to tell other parties that which they wish to publish and to copy this to the information commissioner. After two weeks they should have deemed consent.

Replace “risk of significant harm” with Article 8.

43. The question as to when intervention is handled is better phrased in Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights than Section 31. Article 8 builds in a balancing act that is not built into Section 31 of the 1989 Act.

Review the merits of forced adoption

44. The existence of forced adoption as an option creates a major tension between parents and practitioners. Those countries with forced adoption also have higher levels of deaths from child abuse and neglect. Removing the option of forced adoption could align the interests of parents and practitioners and in doing so improve the outcomes for children.

Use standard of proof between balance of probabilities and beyond reasonable doubt.

45. Many practitioners use the “real possibility” standard of proof which is basically to try to disprove an allegation and if you fail to disprove the allegation then it is considered proven. This is a disastrous approach as it results in many matters being accepted as fact for which there is no evidence. Training needs to be given to stop this from happening.

Don’t increase the levels of qualifications

46. There is no evidence that requiring degree level qualifications in social work has improved the situation more important than qualifications are life skill gained over a number of years bringing to the practitioner a rooted common sense approach which is lacking in the current system. What may improve the position is extra on the job training before becoming fully qualified. There has been a deficit of suitable places available to degree students over the last few years and if the degree is going to continue as a necessity, then this needs to be addressed.

Don’t reorganize the departments

47. The initial Laming reform that completely reorganized social services has probably been counter productive, but reversing those reforms is probably not warranted.

Review specifically how to handle Domestic Violence issues

48. There needs to be a detailed review into how child protection issues are managed within situations which involve domestic violence.
Reading Parents their rights

49. Currently in care proceedings there is no vehicle for ensuring that parents are aware of their rights regarding the law and child protection. Nor are parents aware that when they have an argument with their spouse, then that constitutes “emotional harm” and can result in their child being adopted.

October 2011

56
Research / Forced Adoption
« on: October 11, 2023, 11:41:53 AM »
https://childprotectionresource.online/forced-adoption/

Forced Adoption

Here we look at the concept of ‘forced adoption’

I am a passionate believer in the value of adoption in appropriate circumstances.  But I fear that, in making all those orders, I never gave much attention to the emotional repercussions of them. In particular I fear that I failed fully to appreciate that an adoption order is not just a necessary arrangement for the upbringing of some children… the order is an act of surgery which cuts deep into the hearts and minds of at least four people and will effect them, to a greater or lesser extent, every day of their lives…

Lord Wilson Denning Society Lecture 13th November 2014

‘Forced adoption’  is a phrase we often hear used by people like Ian Josephs  and the former MP John Hemming  We have provided links to their sites under their names but we hope that if you visit their sites, you will also stay here and read what we have to say.  See this post for discussion of the case law which judges have to consider before agreeing to any care plan for adoption. See this post for general discussion of the law around adoption and placement orders.
 
The debate begins

The historical development of adoption in England and Wales

Adoption is the means by which a child’s legal relationship with his birth parents is eliminated and the child becomes a legal member of a new family. Adoption did not become law in England and Wales until the Adoption Act 1926; some time after the USA, Australia and Canada. Many babies born out of marriage in the Victorian era were ‘farmed out’ or placed with married couples who would pretend the baby was their own.  There were increasing concerns about the lack of regulation of this private adoption industry which led to statutory intervention. Under the Local Government Act 1929, local authorities (LA) were given powers to remove children from parents, if the LA decided they could not care for them.

See this post from the Guardian giving a time line of the history of child protection.

In 1968, 25,000 adoption orders were made, reflecting a society where illegitimacy was still stigmatised, birth control less reliable and welfare benefits less accessible.  In 2014 only about 5000 adoption orders were made. Adoptions now rarely involve babies.  As the President of the Family Division commented at para 15 in the case of N (Children) (Adoption: Jurisdiction) [2015]:  It is important to acknowledge, however, that, whatever the legal theory, practice has changed dramatically over the 89 years we have had adoption in England. Non- consensual adoption used to be rare, but the position has changed radically. Initially, the courts took a very narrow view indeed of the final limb of section 2(3) of the 1926 Act: see Re JM Caroll [1931] 1 KB 317 and contrast H v H [1947] KB 463. Much more important, the entire focus of adoption has changed dramatically in recent decades. Until the late 1960s, the typical adoption was of an illegitimate child born to a single mother who, however reluctantly, consented to the adoption of her child. Non-consensual adoption was comparatively rare. A combination of dramatic changes in the 1960s the ready availability of the contraceptive pill, the legalisation of abortion, the relaxation of the divorce laws and a sea-change in society’s attitudes to illegitimacy led to a drastic reduction in the number of adoptions of the traditional type. The result of various changes in the system of public childcare, culminating in the implementation in October 1991 of the 1989 Act, has led in recent decades to a correspondingly dramatic increase in the number of non-consensual adoptions. The typical adoption today is of a child who has been made the subject of a care order under the 1989 Act and where parental consent has been dispensed with in accordance with section 52(1)(b) of the 2002 Act.

The often highly polarised debate about ‘forced adoption’ and what this means for child protection work, gained increased traction around 2007 and became the focus of renewed attention towards the end of 2013. This followed discussion of Alessandra Pacchieri  (the ‘forced caesarean case’ ) and media interest in reports of parents wrongly suspected of abusing their children who were actually suffering from various medical conditions.  You can read comment on Ms Pacchieri’s case and the judgment here. The court made an adoption order in relation to her child in April 2014. The case is here. For an explanation of what sparked John Hemming’s interest in the child protection system, see ‘Hemming’s Way’ the article by Jonathan Gornall in 2007.
 
The Conspiracy Theory and allegations of systemic corruption

However, despite the enormous reduction in adoption orders over 40 years, the debate about the entire concept of adoption continues to grow. There have been serious concerns about the child protection system for many years. Those unhappy with the UK’s approach to ‘forced adoption’  raised their concerns in November 2014 with the European Parliament’s Petition Committee.  In fact, it was this 2013 ‘forced adoption’ debate that encouraged us to set up this resource as we were concerned that a lot of justifiable criticism about the system was getting lost or taken over by those who wanted to believe the more extreme ‘conspiracy theories’  i.e. that the entire system was corrupt and that social workers are paid bonuses to snatch babies from loving homes.  For a sad example of the damage that can be done to a parent’s chances of keeping their family together, by  a ‘siege mentality’ and belief that concerns about their parenting are fuelled by a conspiracy, see Hertfordshire County Council v F & Others [2014] EWHC 2159.  We have attempted to debunk some of the more specific myths here and in particular the frequently made assertion that adoption targets exist to take babies away, rather than to promote finding adoptive families for children who have already been through care proceedings and don’t have a permanent home.  People who are unhappy with the current child protection system often refer to it as a system of ‘forced adoption’ which is almost unique in Europe.  However, this assertion is not supported by the 2015 Report by the Committee on Social Affairs, Health and Sustainable Development from the Council of Europe which notes that adoptions without parental consent are possible in Andorra, Croatia, Estonia, Georgia, Germany, Hungary, Italy, Montenegro, Norway, Poland, Slovenia, Sweden and Turkey.  A further 7 countries permit adoption without parental consent in ‘rare’ circumstances. See further, this post from the Transparency Project. See also this post from Claire Fenton-Glynn confirming that EVERY European country has a mechanism to provide for adoption without parental consent.  They say that children are taken from parents for no good reason in order to meet LA’s ‘adoption targets’ set by various Governments and this is shown by the increased numbers of children being taken into care.  It is further alleged that family courts are secret and people who try to speak out will be sent to prison. Parents aren’t allowed to see the evidence against them and lawyers, experts and Judges are all in each other’s pockets and just rubber stamp the decisions made by the LA and social workers.  There are many on line groups for parents who are convinced that their children were removed on the basis of deliberate lies. The view expressed here is typical:  UK Social Services/CAFCASS are the most prolific and serious perpetrators of Domestic Violence in the country. UK Family Law Courts a close second. One day, history lessons will describe the horrific details of what is happening to families all across the country. The descendants of those who have perpetrated this abuse, will be ashamed of their ancestors and try to distance themselves from them….

Worries about social work practice come from a variety of sources. Colin Brewer wrote in the Spectator in the aftermath of the Rotherham child sex abuse scandal:  The Rotherham report suggests, as June and I suggested 34 years ago, that social workers excel at empathy but lack the ability to carry out ‘coherently planned action’. Social work with troubled teenagers is doubtless even more challenging today than it was in the 1980s, yet the report’s conclusions reveal many of the unhelpful institutional and ideological features that we identified are still with us.  It seems these were not just individual failures, occasional and regrettable exceptions in a generally efficient professional culture, but a persistent feature of a profession that emphasises doing good rather than doing it efficiently. This happens despite the fact that social workers have relatively modest case loads, especially compared with doctors.

These are not fanciful concerns. We should all be interested in the state of our child protection services. However, while we accept that sadly there have been serious examples of injustice we don’t accept that this is a result of deliberate corruption within the system itself, or chasing after ‘adoption targets’.  What is clear is that a growing number of people DO believe exactly that. We need to understand why and what we can do about it.
 
Adoption Targets: How did this belief take hold? do they exist, and what impact do they have?

In 2000, the government introduced a national target to increase the number of children adopted from care by at least 40% between 1999-2000 and 2004-5. Tony Blair had been horrified by the numbers of children who remained in care for long periods of time without a permanent home.  Therefore, these were not targets to take children from their homes in order to get them adopted but a well intentioned attempt to help children who were already in the care system and hadn’t been found a permanent home.  Claire Fenton-Glynn describes the situation in her study on the UK system, presented to the European Parliament in June 2015:  The Prime Minister’s Review of Adoption in 2000 put forward the belief that the system was not delivering the best for children, as decisions about how to provide a secure, stable and permanent family were not addressed early enough. As such, it advocated an increase in the use of adoption to provide children with permanency at an earlier stage. The Review gave the opinion that there was too great a focus on rehabilitation with the birth family, at the expense of the child’s welfare. It emphasised that the first choice should always be a return to the birth family, but where this was clearly not an option, adoption should be seen as a key means of providing permanence. Foster care, on the other hand, was viewed as a transitional measure, which should be used only as a temporary option.  Following on from this, the government produced a White Paper entitled Adoption: A New Approach, which outlined the government’s plan to promote the wider use of adoption for looked after children, establishing the target of increasing adoption by 40-50 per cent by 2004-2005.39 The White Paper also announced that the government would require local authorities to make a plan for permanence returning home, placement for adoption, or special guardianship40 – for a child within 6 months of being continuously looked after.  It was in this context that the Adoption and Children Act 2002 was introduced, with the explicit aim of promoting the greater use of adoption. The Act changed the process of adoption itself, by making the welfare of the child the paramount consideration for courts and adoption agencies in all decisions relating to adoption, including in deciding whether to dispense with the birth parents’ consent to adoption.

The Government’s official position about targets to get children taken into care is clear: they don’t exist. Matthew Dalby of  the Ministerial and Public Communications Division of the Department of Education said in October 2014, in response to an email from a parent:  I must explain that there are no targets on the numbers of children in care. In fact the law is clear in that children should live with their parents wherever possible and that families should be given extra support to help keep them together. In most cases, support from the local authority (LA) enables concerns to be addressed and children to remain with their families.

The Transparency Project responded in September 2015 to John Hemming’s assertion that the London Borough of Merton has ‘targets’ to take children from their birth families. There are certainly concerns that ‘key performance indicators’ promoting adoption could risk impacting on the integrity of decision making for individual children. This was analysed in more detail after receiving responses to FOI requests to councils in England and Wales see the report of the Transparency Project in November 2016. Some of the responses raised concern that reliance on ‘adoption targets’ by some councils in England, could lead decisions being made about children to meet targets, rather than promote their welfare.

Judicial response to allegations of systemic corruption

John Hemming raised very specific allegations about the corruption in the family courts in the case of RP v Nottingham [2008] which were rejected by Wall LJ as being without evidence:  97. It is plain to me from these documents, that in addition to the allegations set out above, Mr. Hemming believes that HJ was in the pay of the local authority and thus was “the local authority’s expert”. For good measure, he asserts that the system is “evil” and that “there does seem to be little concern in the legal profession about the reliability of opinion offered in court.”. The clear implication behind the “witch findings” items on the website set out at paragraph 95 above is that “experts” like HJ are in it for the money; that they are happy to “manufacture ‘evidence'”; and that they are in receipt of “phoney” letters of instruction. The result, Mr Hemming asserts is a “disaster”.  98. In my judgment, these comments are not only wrong and ill-informed; the simple fact remains that they have no foundation in the evidence presented either to the Nottingham County Court or to this court. That they are made publicly by Mr Hemming once again strikes me as an abuse of his position.

Wall LJ went on to say at para 127:  In my judgment, the arguments advanced by Mr Hemming in this case are ill-informed and tendentious. They are contradicted by the evidence, and must be rejected. I think this most unfortunate. Nobody who works in the Family Justice System regards it as perfect: most of us see it as under-resourced and struggling to deal with the work loads thrust upon it. Constructive criticism, particularly from those in a position to bring about change, is to be welcomed. I am myself in no doubt that the system must change and adapt, and I have spoken many times in public in support of my belief that there needs to be greater transparency in order to combat the partial, tendentious and inaccurate criticisms made against the system. I therefore welcome the opportunity provided by this case to demonstrate that the system has operated properly, and that the criticisms made are unfounded.

The Law of Unintended Consequences Campaigners reject the ‘official’ position

However, following the introduction of targets to speed up finding a home for children in care, some then argue that the ‘law of unintended consequences’  came into play and these targets acted to promote undesirable behaviour from those in the child protection system.  John Hemming has argued that these targets did little to help the older children already in care but rather had the effect of encouraging local authorities to issue care proceedings with regard to more ‘adoptable’ children so they would filter through the system, end up adopted quickly and improve the adoption rates.  This was denied at the time; see this report from BBC News On Line in 2008:  The Children’s Minister Kevin Brennan has denied claims that young children are being taken into care by local authorities to meet adoption targets. Mr Brennan has written to two national newspapers to say there has never been any financial incentive for councils to meet national adoption targets. The claims surfaced over the case of a baby in Nottingham placed into care just hours after being born. Liberal Democrat MP John Hemming has accused the council of baby-stealing.  In a letter to The Times and The Daily Mail, Mr Brennan says there were national adoption targets designed to place more children in care into loving, family homes. But, he writes, “they ended in 2006; and there was never a financial incentive for local authorities to meet these national targets.”

The belief that children are removed from loving homes in order for LA’s to meet their ‘adoption targets’ persists to date.  There is no doubt that this version of events feels very ‘right’ to a significant number of people.  As Claire Fenton-Glynn comments:  While national adoption targets were set for some years, these ceased in 2006. The government emphasised that targets were intended to make sure more children who had been adjudged to need an adoptive placement were found permanent homes. They were not intended to affect the judgment of whether the child was in need of an adoption. However, despite the government’s statements, there is a danger that such targets do impact on such an evaluation, or at the very least, create the perception that they do so. Moreover, the government’s focus on adoption risks disadvantaging those children in care for whom adoption is not suitable. In the year ending 31 March 2014, only 16% of children who left the English care system were adopted, with others returning home, being placed with relatives, or with a special guardian, among other options. As such, an excessive focus on adoptive placements can mean that these others do not receive sufficient attention.

So what is really going on?

There are a number of elements we need to look at to try and work out whether assertions about a deliberately corrupt system contain any truth. Without doubt, the child protection system is not working well. We need to think more deeply why that is.

*  The continuing and repeating pressures on the child protection system which lead to growing distrust between parents and professionals;
*  The cost of care proceedings why would a LA bear these costs without very good reason?
*  What do the statistics tell us about adoption rates for babies or very young children?
*  Adoption rates are now set to fall in the aftermath of the judgment in Re B-S.

 
A system under pressure

Helping children is a human process. When the bureaucratic aspects of work become too dominant, the heart of the work is lost.

The Munro Review of Child Protection Final Report

We consider the  history of concerns about the child protection system in more detail in this post. In brief, it seems that for very many years the system has become overwhelmed by the demands placed upon it. Excessive bureaucracy, dangerously high caseloads and low morale amongst social workers combine to work against good decision making and protecting children.  Some argue that it is the Children Act 1989 itself that has contributed to the problems, as it has pushed the law into ever less measurable levels of ‘abuse’ rather than setting out realistically measurable standards to govern the protection of children.  The fact that the system is under considerable strain and pressure is a serious problem for us all but it is not evidence of deliberate malignity on the part of those decision makers. 
 
The cost of care proceedings

It seems odd to suggest that LA deliberately set out to target children to adopt to ‘make money’ when you consider just how much care proceedings will cost them.  Research from the University of Bristol in 2011 said this:  Bringing care proceedings is a costly and time consuming business for local authorities. It has been estimated that each care case takes up 20 per cent of a full-time social worker’s working hours for a year (Plowden 2009). In addition, the local authority will have to contribute towards independent assessments ordered by the court and may need to instruct barristers (counsel) to represent it at court. In order to ensure that proceedings are used only where the local authority can prove its case and court orders are required, as well as to control expenditure, local authorities have established internal procedures for approving court applications. Legal advice and senior management approval are generally required even where an application if made for an order to remove or detain a child in an emergency (Masson et al 2007; DCSF 2008, para 3.3).

However, some will assert that the cost of care proceedings is actually an illustration of the problem it’s a ‘gravy train’, keeping lawyers, social workers and experts in employment.  So if the financial burden on the LA does not reassure people that care proceedings are not taken lightly, what can we see from the statistics about children taken into care?

If Hemming and others are right, we should see a clear rise from 2000 in the number of babies or very young children taken into care and then adopted.
 
Lies, damned lies and statistics

We argue that the statistics do NOT support an argument that more babies and young ‘adoptable’ children have been targeted since 2000, although it is clear that the number of children being adopted has been rising. However, we agree that there are reasons for concern over a general ‘push’ for adoption as a ‘good thing’ that may lead to compromising the integrity of decisions made about children.  There is now considerable interest in the statistics around adoption and placement orders, so we consider this in detail in another post.
 
Why we reject the allegation of systemic corruption

Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

The court judgments, culminating in Re B-S that have so concerned Martin Narey were right to point out the dangers of sloppy analysis. But why had some cases got into such a mess?  Because the system was ‘evil’, the social workers were telling lies to get their bonuses and that all the lawyers and judges closed their eyes to this because its actually a government policy?

Or is it more likely , that what we have is a child protection system that is often inefficient and/or overwhelmed by case loads? where mistakes are made, but rarely due to deliberate malice?

The conspiracy theories take hold because they feel ‘right’ to a lot of people who may have good cause to feel that they have not been listened to or treated fairly. This can lead people to  be unable or unwilling to consider a reality which does not accord with their strongly held perceptions:

*  People say: “Let the facts speak for themselves”; they forget that the speech of facts is real only if it is heard and understood. It is thought to be an easy matter to distinguish between fact and theory, between perception and interpretation. In truth, it is extremely difficult.

For further fascinating discussion about the impact of cognitive bias and how hard it is to get people to abandon their narratives, even if they are based on a false premise, see this article ‘Your Brain is Primed to Reach False Conclusions’.
 
What is our reality?

We have not been able to find evidence to support the assertion that the child protection system is designed and maintained deliberately to be corrupt or ‘evil’. Recent research from Cafcass says that LAs were right to make applications for care orders in 80% of cases they reviewed.  But that of course does not mean the system is perfect. Far from it. If 80% of cases are ‘right’ we still have 20% which are not and that is worrying. There are also serious concerns that an ideological ‘push’ for adoption is masking proper consideration of statistical trends.  We agree with that justice needs to be seen to be done and there should be as much openness as possible about such serious matters.

*  We accept that there can be serious consequences when a system is overwhelmed by cases; individual practitioners may lack support, and there is a risk of bad or even no decisions getting made. There is a particularly sad example of that in the case of A and S in 2012 where the boys’ Independent Reviewing Officer had a case load three times in excess of that recommended by good practice.
*  Sometimes mistakes are made because lawyers and doctors got it wrong about the medical evidence. Here is an example of a case where the court decided there wasn’t enough evidence to conclude that a child suffered non accidental injuries as this child also had rickets due to Vitamin D deficiency.
*  There is no doubt that the Government wishes to speed up the adoption process and there are legitimate concerns about how the new Children and Families Act 2014 will operate. See further this article by Cathy Ashley of the Family Rights Group and here for the views of Barnados on the need to speed up adoptions.
*  We note the conclusions of the the Report of the Committee on Social Affairs, Health and Sustainable Development of the Council of Europe which was concerned by the high numbers of children in England and Wales who were adopted without parental consent, and commented (see para 74) that the UK’s refusal to reverse adoption orders where there had been a miscarriage of justice was a ‘misunderstanding’ of the best interests of the child, who had a right to return to his birth family.
*  Possibly the most serious problem is that social workers in child protection work are asked to wear ‘two hats’ at the same time they are tasked with supporting families at the same time as they are gathering evidence against them. The tension and difficulties inherent in this dual role are obvious. See Wrennall, L. 2004 Miscarriages of Justice in Child Protection: a brief history and proposals for change.

But what we don’t accept is that these problems as serious as they undoubtedly are can legitimately lead to a conclusion that the whole system is corrupt and operating to ‘steal children’ to meet government endorsed targets.  We think it would be a great shame for children and parents if legitimate debate about problems in the system is overwhelmed by allegations that have no basis in fact and which serve only to make parents even more worried and frightened about what the system might ‘do’ to them and their children.
 
The Way Forward.

However, we accept that it is odd, if adoption really is the ‘gold standard’ for children that other jurisdictions do not seem to share the UK’s enthusiasm for adoption without the parents’  consent.   We should always be open to more discussion and debate about what we should be doing to secure the welfare of children.  You may be interested in this post describing the different approach in Finland, where children who are taken into care will Iive with foster families or in institutional care.  You may also be interested in this article by an adoptive parent in the Guardian from 2012, discussing the difficulties caused by lack of post adoption support.  There are also concerns expressed by adoptive parents that they haven’t been given the full picture about their children’s backgrounds and this has caused enormous problems for the family.

*  We agree that everyone who works in the system should be aware of the dangers of an insular or paternalistic approach to child protection issues.
*  We agree that adoption may not be the best plan for every child and there should not be an automatic assumption that adoption is best. There is an interesting article criticising ‘adoption driven systems’ here.
*  However, we think for many children subject to a final care order, it will represent their best chance of achieving a stable and loving home throughout their childhood.
*  We agree that placements with family members should continue to be investigated thoroughly.
*  We also agree that we need more consideration to how we support adoptive placements after an order is made as studies show the breakdown rates for adoptions can be as high as 25%. There is interesting research from the US here which looks at rates of adoption disruption and why they break down. Research published on April 9th 2014 by the University of Bristol offers another perspective on adoption disruption rates, concluding that they are low but emphasising the importance of post adoption support, particularly for older and more challenging children.
*  Social workers need more help to deal with the bureaucracy of their job, so they can focus on working with and supporting families the ‘reclaiming social work’ model needs wider implementation.
*  What we don’t agree with is a debate that polarises around the term ‘forced adoption’ and politicians who advise parents to leave the country rather than engage with social workers.
*  Where we all hopefully agree is that every child has the right to grow up in a safe home and that any child protection investigation must be carried out quickly and fairly.

We hope this site can be part of sharing resources and information to promote open and honest debate about the child protection system.
 
Further Reading

*  You can read here about government sponsored research into the reasons why people are motivated to adopt or foster.
*  You may also be interested in what we say about post adoption contact.
*  Read the transcript of the 9th Annual Debate of the Family Justice Council; Adoption without consent is wrong in principle. November 24th 2015.
*  The debate in Westminster Hall on 25th November 2015 about Forced Adoption.
*  Excellent article from the New Yorker magazine about the history of child protection in the USA.
*  Heads Must Roll? Emotional Politics, the Press and the Death of Baby P Article by Dr Jo Warner, Senior Lecturer in Social Work, School of Social Policy, Sociology and Social Research, University of Kent.
*  Silent crisis of inadequate councils caring for thousands of children The Guardian 18th August 2018
*  Revealed: cash crisis pushing child services to tipping point The Observer 1st Sep 2018
*  Born into care: Newborns in Care Proceedings in England The Nuffield Family Justice Observatory October 2018
*  Tortoise Media have considered and discussed the child protection system in a variety of pieces in 2019. See for example ‘I refused to say goodbye’ which examines some of the stressors on the system and the impact this has on parents.

Key Messages from the Department of Education Research

The Department of Education published ‘Adoption Cases Reviewed: an indicative study of process and practice’ in 2013 which provides a comprehensive review of contested adoption proceedings. Its key messages are set out below. While the review certainly did not find that everything was perfect, it did not conclude there was any evidence of systemic corruption or orders made for trivial reasons:

*  The study confirmed routine local authority and judicial compliance with the required procedural and legal framework for adoption. Parents’ rights to due process in contesting and opposing care, placement and adoption applications were ensured. Decisions were taken by the court in an appropriate way, following the full testing of evidence.

*  Local authority practice in the study cases pre-dated current statutory guidance, in which permanence is required to provide the framework for all social work with children and families. Where it lacked this perspective, social work intervention could not be relied upon to pursue effectively the protection and care planning that might have secured child safety on a permanent basis at home.

*  In addition, quality assurance of child protection and care planning was insufficiently robust.

*  Where risk assessment and protection and care planning lacked confidence and decisiveness, the right of the child to have a safe and permanent family life secured in a timely way could be compromised. Similarly, the right of parents to effective intervention to help them make necessary changes could be neglected where permanence principles were not applied equally to the process of rehabilitation.

*  While no clear pattern of contestation emerged in these cases parents often argued that the local authority had sought merely to gather evidence to make the case against them, rather than intervene purposefully to support the changes required to keep the child safely at home.

*  Extensive use of independent expert evidence and advice provided a guarantee that harm and risk had been assessed fully and decisions appropriately informed, once the case was in proceedings. However, the use of experts also caused duplication and delay. Current proposals for reform will need to ensure such evidence is deployed effectively within the sharper case management regime.

*  This study suggests that the enhancement and quality assurance of the expertise and effectiveness of social work within the inter-agency system should attract policy attention. Timely and proportionate decision making is undermined as much by lack of case management continuity and of grip in making a judgement about parents’ capacity to change in the local authority as it is in the court.

*  The reform process should be underpinned by a review of the philosophy, organisation and support of local authority case management in protection and care planning, to ensure reliability of compliance with current statutory guidance that a permanence perspective is employed as a matter of routine.

*  The reform process should also include a review of the availability and effectiveness of post-placement support for birth parents in all forms of permanent placement, including placement at home.

57
General Discussion / A Reason To Celebrate All Year
« on: October 11, 2023, 10:40:57 AM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/12/07/a-reason-to-celebrate-all-year?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=236027786&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-8-ETfByCAruoJiTMzYsaFkOiMiqTTDRxXBE3RP7lRbS40UbvwJmtcEKQpcEbhdCcS1Y51uPv0FNkyGB9HnSAeZeW6F0w&utm_content=236027786&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

A Reason To Celebrate All Year
December 7, 2022
by Laura Bailey

“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21 (NIV)

I watched my little girl float between her party guests before she took a deep breath to blow out the candles on her cake. Through the smoke of extinguished flames, she whispered, “I wished I could celebrate my birthday every day!”

Returning her grin, I replied, “Wouldn’t that be something? But you might grow tired of celebrating your birthday every day.”

She paused for just a beat before exclaiming, “Well, we already have something to celebrate every day Jesus!”

Only a few months had passed since Christmas. My husband and I made it a point to tell our girls that, although we celebrate Jesus' birth on December 25, this, along with His death and resurrection, is reason to celebrate Him all year long.  I've spent many past Christmas seasons consuming Advent devotions and attending Christ-focused celebrations. However, when the party is over, the excitement over God's great gift to humankind soon wanes.  Numerous times I’ve brushed over the words from our key verse, neglecting to ponder their significance: “She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins” (Matthew 1:21).

The Greek name for Jesus comes from the same origins as the Hebrew name Joshua, which means “Yahweh saves.” Yes, Jesus' birth is something to celebrate because God sent His only Son into the world to be our Savior.  We need not dampen our excitement for exchanging presents, swapping cookies or trimming the tree during the holiday season; what we do need is to keep our hearts and minds on Jesus not just at Christmas but throughout the year. Here are a few ideas of how we can continue to celebrate the gift of Jesus year-round.

1.  Grab a mini artificial Christmas tree, and place it somewhere you will see it frequently. Don’t take it down after Christmas! Trim your tree with Bible verses of encouragement and reminders of God’s love and forgiveness.

2.  Set a reminder on your phone to play your favorite worship song on the 25th day of every month. Lift your voice in praise and gratitude for God’s continual gift of salvation.

3.  Host a “Christmas in July” celebration, and invite someone who doesn’t know the Lord. Talk with them about why you celebrate, sharing with them your testimony and what God has done in your life.

4.  Keep bags filled with nonperishable food items, toiletries and a Bible in your car so that if you see someone in need, you can provide them with a “Christmas gift.” Invite them to church or share about the gift of salvation if you feel led.

God has given us good reason to celebrate: the birth, death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ. Not only is salvation a free gift from God but it's also freeing, for it is the only gift that provides everlasting hope and eternal life.

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General Discussion / Trusting God in the Midst of Uncertainty
« on: October 11, 2023, 10:35:24 AM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/12/06/trusting-god-in-the-midst-of-uncertainty?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=236028556&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-9RvriMQtNVpAOV81V4nR0X8oz2TOjYNjNnG7RlMhpdYBK-d3XGZhqFBWhUNFf7z_QfpeeXzHzG_CC2gtwPj-59tyIByQ&utm_content=236028556&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

5Trusting God in the Midst of Uncertainty
December 6, 2022
by Alice Matagora

“I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will consider all your works and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” Psalm 77:11-12 (NIV)

It was 3 a.m. and I was wide awake. No, the trouble wasn’t my newborn; she was sleeping blissfully in her room. It was an old companion of mine anxiety.  About a month earlier my husband and I had made some significant decisions with our work, decisions that we felt were clearly led by God and that, at the same time, we knew could result in us being asked to step down from our current roles and even relocating. For two weeks, we saw a possible path forward that would ensure our job security and we prayed persistently for God to make it happen.  Then we received word that the way was shut.  God, what now?

Will we lose our jobs?

What if we have to move?

Why let us hope at all if You knew the answer would be no?

Did we hear from You right, Lord?

Sometimes I wonder if Mary the mother of Jesus had thoughts like these after saying "yes" to carrying the Son of God. It’s easy for me to read through Mary’s encounter with the angel Gabriel who told her God had chosen her, a virgin, to give birth to Jesus  without a second thought. I know the rest of her story. I forget Mary didn’t know what was next when she said, “May your word to me be fulfilled” (Luke 1:38b, NIV).

What if Joseph, her fiance, would divorce her? Would Mary lose any hope of financial and social security in a husband?

What if Joseph would be dishonorable and accuse her of sexual sin she never committed? Who would believe her, and would she ever get married as a seemingly “shameful” woman?

Did she ever doubt along the way to the cross, when it seemed darkness would prevail as her son was crucified?

Did Mary ever wonder, God, what now?

Did I hear from You right, Lord?

Here’s what I think:  My baby is going through a wonderful (and stressful) season of stranger anxiety that involves screaming whenever someone unfamiliar holds her. This happened recently as her pediatrician examined her at a routine checkup. But then I reached for her hand and murmured words of comfort and she stopped crying and bravely endured through the rest of her checkup, never taking her eyes off me.  In the few months she’s been alive, my baby girl has already experienced my faithfulness to respond to her needs, to comfort her when she cries and to protect her from harm. Even while being held by a stranger in a new environment, she could persevere because she knew her mama was with her and she is convinced her mama is good.  In the same way, I wonder if Mary was able to trust God because she could recall His faithfulness in her life. She said, “the Mighty One has done great things for me …” (Luke 1:49, NIV).

Perhaps as a result of her experiences of His faithfulness, she knew God was with her and was convinced her God was good, and that gave her all the courage she needed to persevere in the midst of incredible uncertainty.  Throughout the Bible, God calls His people over and over again to remember His faithfulness in their lives. And it’s no wonder because we are so prone to forget! I am so prone to forget.  But when uncertainty causes us to doubt, may we be women who pause to remember the goodness of God in our lives; who draw strength from His Word; and who remain steadfast in Immanuel, God with us, who always has been and always will be on our side.

59
General Discussion / Remembering Your Story
« on: October 05, 2023, 03:15:24 PM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/11/28/remembering-your-story?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=234384021&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-89UEqjbs2f3aeITIBb0622Z0l6rMlVZTfbQJDUZDEq9Je71zop5nJZoogFYVrB-4wvRL9aoAJ368mslL_YRsPpgcj9Ew&utm_content=234384021&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Remembering Your Story
November 28, 2022
by Sharon Jaynes

“I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done.” Psalm 143:5 (NIV)

On our way to the coast, my husband and I stopped at Chick-fil-A. While Steve purchased our nuggets, I took our dog, Molly, for a walk in the grassy area nearby.  On our second turn around the plot of green, I noticed something shiny poking through the weeds. When I bent down to pick it up, my heart skipped a beat.  It was a silver cuff bracelet that read, This is my story. This is my song. Praising my Savior, all the day long. What left me slack-jawed wasn’t just that I found the bracelet but that the bracelet was mine!  Three weeks earlier, Steve and I had traveled the same road, stopped at the same spot and walked Molly on the same plot of grass. I didn’t even realize the bracelet had slipped from my wrist. But God did.  It was as if God were whispering, Don’t forget your story.  Don’t lose the wonder.  See, I’ve had times in my life when I have forgotten the miracle of my story and the sheer wonder of all God has done in my life. How He sought me and saved me. How He pulled a little girl from a difficult home situation with many heart wounds and placed her in a family of believers with many healed hurts. How He took an insecure teenager and transformed her into a woman who knows she’s equipped by the Father, enveloped by Jesus and empowered by the Holy Spirit.  But sometimes the truth slips right out of my mind somewhere between everyday challenges and difficult disappointments, just like that bracelet slipped right off my wrist between Chick-fil-A and Dunkin' Donuts and I don’t even realize it.  I wonder if that’s why the word “remember” is a golden thread that weaves its way throughout the Bible. From Genesis to Revelation, God reminds us to remember.  In Deuteronomy, Moses wrote, “take care lest you forget the LORD, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery” (Deuteronomy 6:12, ESV).

David wrote, “I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done” (Psalm 143:5).

Remember. Don’t forget.  In the New Testament, Peter is a good example of a man who forgot his story. Jesus called Peter to become one of His first followers. Jesus was on the shore; Peter was in a boat. (Matthew 4:18-22)  But when Jesus was arrested and Peter denied he even knew Him, Peter lost his story. (Matthew 26:69-75) Just as surely as the bracelet fell from my wrist in the grassy knoll, Peter’s story fell from his heart behind the stone wall of the high priest’s home.  After Jesus was resurrected, he went to help Peter find his story right where it had begun: on the Sea of Galilee. Jesus was on the shore; Peter was in a boat.nnPeter was fishing. He had gone back to doing what he’d always done before he met Jesus. Then Jesus called out and told Peter to throw the nets on the right side of the boat for a super catch. (John 21:6)  After Peter realized it was Jesus, he swam to the shore, where Jesus already had breakfast waiting. There, Jesus reminded Peter of his calling and helped him remember his story, what he had been (a fisherman) and what he was now (a fisher of men). (John 21:12-19)

I don’t know where you are today, if you’ve lost your story or you’re celebrating it. But I do know this: You’re reading these words because God is calling you to remember.

Remember that you have a place in His story of salvation.
Remember that, through faith, you are equipped by the Father, enveloped by Jesus and empowered by the Holy Spirit.
Remember that you are a child of God who is dearly loved, completely forgiven and blamelessly free.

Remember what He has done in you and for you.

Remember your story. Remember His.

After I found my story bracelet lying among the weeds, I placed it on my wrist, gave it a squeeze to tighten its fit, and thanked God for all He has done. This is my story. This is my song. Praising my Savior all the day long.

60
General Discussion / Dear God, Why Haven’t You Given Me ...
« on: October 05, 2023, 03:08:53 PM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/11/25/dear-god-why-havent-you-given-me?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=232630504&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--mD5b_5cGJ4iWTxLqQs8Gtwwyq2YELY006tUt24tfHUO7yN1VXzMDBlsvrSAjkv4TsY6WyRJLuAgBlSHNMnUKZvDm8jw&utm_content=232630504&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Dear God, Why Haven’t You Given Me ...
November 25, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes ...” Psalm 19:7-8 (ESV)

I remember the day I closed my eyes as tears fell and I whispered, “God, please either take away this longing of my heart or show me Your answer. I just don’t think I can keep hoping for what no longer seems possible.”

If you’ve ever prayed a similar prayer, you know this kind of breaking point. And it’s at this exact place of desperation that our lives can go in one of two directions:

    We can lean into God and learn to trust Him more fully.
    We can look within ourselves for temporary solutions, numb out so we don’t have to feel the ache, or listen to the hopeless scripts running through our minds, only leaving us more empty.

One of those scripts I have found myself tangled in typically goes something like this:  I could really be happy and fulfilled if only I had …  More resources.  Predictability and peace in my home.  More time.  Uncomplicated relationships.  Friends who were more understanding.  The ability to see a future where I’m really OK.  I don’t know what your “if only I had” statements are, but I do know this: None of them will bring ultimate fulfillment. They might bring temporary moments of happiness, but even those won’t be as perfect as you imagine. It’s so hard not to pursue solutions of our own making more than waiting on God’s way or God’s timing. The truth is, apart from a thriving relationship with God, even if we got everything on our list, there would still be a hollow gap in our soul.  If we were sitting together over coffee, processing all of this, here’s where I would turn in God’s Word with you: “The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes …” (Psalm 19:7-8).

You see, instead of saying “if only I had” and filling in the blank with some person, possession or position, we can make the choice to replace that statement with God’s Truth. Here are some examples:  People.  I no longer dwell on “if only my biological father loved me.”

Instead, I remember God is the “Father of the fatherless” (Psalm 68:5, ESV) whose love for me endures forever. (Psalm 136)

Maybe your gap isn’t left by an absent father but by a friend who hurt you or rejected you. Or the children you’ve longed to have but still don’t have.  Whatever that gap is, God is the perfect fit for your emptiness.  If you find yourself here today, pray this paraphrase of Luke 1:78-79 with me: Because of the tender mercy of my God by which the rising sun will come to me from heaven to shine on my darkness and in what feels like the shadow of death to me I will find peace.  Possessions.  I no longer get fixated on things I wish I had or compare myself to others. Instead, I redirect my focus when I recite the words of Matthew 6:19-21: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (NIV).

Any possession I ever long for, no matter how good it may seem, will only be good for a limited time. In light of eternity, every possession is in the process of breaking down, becoming devalued, and will eventually be taken from us. If I set my heart solely on acquiring more things, I’ll feel more vulnerable with the possibility of loss.  Possessions are meant to be appreciated and used to bless others. They were never meant to be identity markers. It’s not wrong to enjoy the possessions we have as long as we don’t depend on them for our heart’s security.  Position.  Instead of thinking “if only I had more opportunities” or “if only I had the right networking connections,” we can pray the words of Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path” (NIV) immediately exhaling the pressure of striving and competing.

Friend, you don’t need a better position to get where you should go. We don’t have to figure out our path and run ahead. God’s Word will guide us. And as we follow Him and honor Him step by step, we can be assured that we’re right where He wants us, doing what He wants us to do.  Sweet sister, let the solid truths from Scripture interrupt whatever “if only I had” statement you’re struggling with today.  When God’s Word gets inside of us, it becomes the new way we process life. It rearranges our thoughts, our motives, our needs and our desires. Our souls are tailor-made to be filled with God and His Truth; therefore, it seeps into every part of us and fills our longings like nothing else can. And even if we don’t receive from God what we thought we desperately wanted, He will give us perspective to help us see that with God, we will never be left empty.

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