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Articles / Exploring the loss left by forced adoption
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 29, 2023, 10:39:26 AM »
https://www.sussexexpress.co.uk/arts-and-culture/theatre-and-stage/exploring-the-loss-left-by-forced-adoption-4342006

Exploring the loss left by forced adoption

You an award-winning play by Sussex-based writer Mark Wilson, who lives near Horsham, about a mother reunited with the son she gave up for adoption more than 30 years before is set for a revival at Brighton’s New Venture Theatre this October.

By Phil Hewitt
Published 23rd Sep 2023, 08:05 BST

The play, telling the story of Kathleen who as a teenage mother was forced to give up her baby for adoption, is a tender and deeply moving look at love, loss and the invisible ties that bind us. You by Mark Wilson opens at the New Venture Theatre, Brighton on Friday, October 6 and runs until Saturday, October 14 (no performance Monday 9). Running time: one hour (no interval). Ticket price £12 on www.newventure.org.uk. The play was inspired by the writer Mark’s own story as one of the half a million babies forcibly given up for adoption in 1950s-1970s Britain. Many of the mothers were unmarried teenagers and gave birth in church-run mother and baby homes.  Now in her mid-40s, Kathleen sits anxiously awaiting the arrival of the man she gave up for adoption more than 30 years ago. As she finally allows herself to remember the events of that time, each of her story’s characters are brought to life by two actors on stage in front of us. Mark said: “I see You as having come from a need to hear my own mother, hear her story; a need to conjure her as a way of managing the loss I realised I was feeling. It would have been so obvious for me to have told my story. But from the beginning it was her story that started to be told.”

The play was first performed at the Brighton Festival in 2015, where it received five-star reviews and went on to win several awards. It’s since been produced in the UK and internationally to great acclaim. Its revival at the New Venture Theatre is a particularly special one for You writer Mark as it’s a community theatre he has close ties to, having directed several productions and mentored new directors and writers there. Mark said: “I’m excited that NVT have chosen to stage You within the close intimacy of their studio space. It’s one I’ve worked in a number of times because of its potential to give the audience an experience of being drawn into the lives of the characters in front of them.”
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General Discussion / After You’ve Done All You Can, Just Stand
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 25, 2023, 06:56:28 PM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/10/28/after-youve-done-all-you-can-just-stand?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=230382177&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-8Cy_fpQTqt7PHe5nwRS0pG8fYaQut9liy3c3raDS47BArSzSU5W_RBjo8TvlRtPa-ADhwVDPL8vVPUyhcI_mYvOpsL8A&utm_content=230382177&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

After You’ve Done All You Can, Just Stand
October 28, 2022
by Avril Occilien-Similien, COMPEL Training member

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm ...” Ephesians 6:13-14 (NIV)

Recently, my family and I were at the water park, celebrating my husband’s birthday. After much lamenting, I found myself going down a water slide at an alarmingly fast rate. This situation would not be so bad except I don't know how to swim.  As I exited the slide, I expected my body to slip safely into a puddle. Instead, I found myself fully submerged underwater. I panicked. I flailed my arms and legs frantically.  I thought, This is it. This is how it’s going to end!  Through the sound of the water, I heard the whistle of the lifeguard. Then I saw an arm reach down and heroically pull me up to safety. Breathing heavily, I thanked the lifeguard, who was looking at me very strangely.  When I inquired about his puzzled look, he replied, “All you had to do was stand.”

He then pointed to the inscription on the side of the pool that read “3 feet.” I was drowning in 3 feet of water!  Isn’t that how life is sometimes? We feel overwhelmed by the never-ending to-do lists, the children who are rebelling, the spouse who doesn’t understand us, the relationships that suddenly go awry or the house that never seems to stay clean. We feel like we cannot cope. We may not even be able to explain it. We just feel overwhelmed. We feel like we’re drowning.  I’m not sure what is currently happening in your life, what overwhelming situations you may be facing, but what I do know is we will all face challenges and heartaches we didn’t expect. In the midst of it all, we have a God who, just like that lifeguard, is ready to rescue us.

I can see Him looking at me, saying, “I’ve given you everything you need. Just stand.” Ephesians 6:13-14 declares, “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm …”

My heart is encouraged as I remember these truths:

    No matter how unqualified I feel for the tasks set before me, with God I am well-equipped.
    No matter how fast I seem to be sliding down the slippery slope of this thing called life, with God I am not in despair.
    No matter how overwhelming the situations of life feel, with God I am not drowning.

Friend, God has given us everything we need to stand victorious against the enemy’s schemes. All we have to do is stand. Stand on His Word. Stand on His promise that declares we are “more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Romans 8:37, NIV).

Stand on the command of Jesus to “take heart” because He has “overcome the world” (John 16:33, NIV). Stand on the truth that He will “fight for you against your enemies to give you victory” (Deuteronomy 20:4, NIV).

Let’s declare it with our mouths and believe it in our hearts. After you’ve done all you can, just stand!
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General Discussion / Crate Training and Other Good Boundaries
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 25, 2023, 06:51:53 PM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/10/27/crate-training-and-other-good-boundaries?utm_campaign=Daily+Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=230380993&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-809bhlfXksmmm4NhXoI8pNf-h8Gh0MXMDqWBPH-j0_g3KiKHlXztA5Uo4vPS4nKcrYVUzOMMkqF6vJQ-QXvuNHgCFRQA&utm_content=230380993&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Crate Training and Other Good Boundaries
October 27, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)

“Mom, we think you need a puppy.”

Before my grown kids, who no longer live at home, got to the second syllable of the word “puppy,” I said no.  There were many reasons. But mostly I felt like this whole conversation was code for “we want all the fun of a puppy without the daily responsibilities of said puppy.”

If they could talk me into it, they could love the puppy and enjoy him when they wanted but then choose to leave him with me to do everything else.  So of course I wound up getting a puppy. And it absolutely worked out exactly like I thought it would.  But what I hadn’t counted on was completely falling in love with this little apricot-colored furball of pure joy. And you know how it’s wise for some dogs to be crate trained?

Yes, well, that wasn’t working for my little pup named Givey. Every time I put him in his crate, he cried and cried until I couldn’t take it any longer and let him out.  But this pattern wasn’t helping in the potty-training department or the don’t-chew-up-my-stuff department at all.  One day, my friend Shae came over to work on some projects, and Givey was in rare form. Everything a good puppy should do, he was doing the opposite. I said, “I know I should put him in his crate for some timeout, but I just can’t stand to hear him cry.”

Shae replied, “You know, my mom had a really wise statement she would often say when we were crate training our dog, Rosie. When she started crying and we all felt bad for Rosie, my mom would say, ‘Well, I’m not happy 100% of the time in my life either. She’ll be just fine.’”

I mean, Mama has a real good point there.  Eventually, Givey not only got used to spending appropriate amounts of time in his crate but wound up liking it so much that now he sometimes goes in it on his own. I think the crate has become his safe place in this big world.  And it certainly brought a lot of relief to my puppy-mom life. Putting Givey in his crate when I left the house or he just needed some timeout helped establish a boundary between his personal space and mine. If he wants to chew something of his in his crate, great. But in the rest of my home, chewing up my stuff isn’t acceptable.  Defining what is and is not acceptable is even more important with human relationships. If people are constantly annoying us, frustrating us, exhausting us or running all over us, chances are we either don’t have the right kind of people in our lives or we don’t have the right kind of boundaries. Or maybe it’s both.  But if we see the process of implementing boundaries as a one-way ticket to someone thinking we’re unkind, unchristian or uncaring, there will be no relief because we will be consumed with the grief of others not being pleased with us.  You might be thinking to yourself, Boundaries don’t bring relief. They can make the other person angry or disappointed enough in me to say hurtful things about me. I just want to keep the peace, so I’ll go along with their attitudes and behavior so that I don’t have to deal with the fallout of addressing all of this.  That might appear to work for a while. But without establishing appropriate boundaries, either there will be an eventual emotional explosion of frustration, which you’ll later regret, or simmering resentments that will silently eat away at you until you start distancing yourself from the other person.  I’ve been that woman. Sometimes losing my temper because I’d let things go so long I just couldn’t hold back my frustration any longer. Or sometimes biting my tongue so long I lost the desire to stay in that relationship. I’m not proud of either of these extremes. And neither of these reactions matches who I really am as a person.  Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

I’ve read those verses so many times, and yet I never made the connection that implementing healthy boundaries in my life could actually help me be this kind of woman.  This is where I’ve gotten boundaries wrong in the past. Boundaries don’t prevent me from being the best version of myself. Boundaries allow me to be the best version of myself.  If I want to be a woman of compassion, good boundaries will help me be more compassionate. If I want to be a woman of grace, good boundaries will help me be more gracious. If I want to be a woman of forgiveness, good boundaries will help me be more forgiving.  Good boundaries help us keep the best of who we are intact.  Keeping this in mind, we can prayerfully consider where necessary boundaries may be needed in some of the relationships in our lives without the added guilt or worry of what this person may think of us.  Just like Givey has learned to thrive within the parameters of his crate, I believe we can learn to thrive in healthy, life-giving relationships, protected by sound, biblical boundaries.
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General Discussion / The Last Time I Talked To A Pastor
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 23, 2023, 11:21:01 AM »
https://medium.com/deconstructing-christianity/the-last-time-i-talked-to-a-pastor-3036d3da30bd

The Last Time I Talked To A Pastor
Gina Miller.
Deconstructing Christianity
Aug 28

When I was disinherited, I was not suprized, but it was still difficult to see it in writing, and deal with all the hate again. It was a final slap in the face from the man who was supposed to love me. I needed therapy, but my insurance did not cover mental health.  I was playing organ for a Presbyterian church. I decided to talk to one of the two pastors. We are rural and pastors have several churches to cover. I decided to talk to the second one, because I knew the first one had a relinquished relative and had said they were adamant about non-contact with the relinquished relative. I disapproved strongly with this attitude. It is never the fault of the adoptee they are relinquished, and they have every right to know their information.  These are the points she made to me in the so-called counselling session.

    Abuse happens in biological families.
    You should be grateful
    Even if there was abuse they did put a roof over your head and food in your mouth. What about all the children who do not have these necessities of life, especially in countries like Africa [sic]
    What would happen to all the unwanted babies without adoption? Would they just rot in orphanages or die?
    You could have been aborted
    Most adoptions are beautiful.
    You just had a bad experience.
    My neighbor has an adopted son and he turned out fine. He is so grateful she adopted him.
    You are just angry.
    You need to forgive the people who adopted you. She called them my parents. I don’t call them that.

She then offered to pray for me that I would learn to forgive and to be positive and grateful for my blessings instead of focusing on my past and being so angry.  It was the last time I ever spoke to a religious person about adoption. I had learned better. I had shut down a Methodist minister once when he was doing the horrible adopted into the family of god sermon. When he was asking what adoption meant, everyone in the congregation was saying things like love and joy. I raised my hand and said “disposable.” I derailed his sermon.  Adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide, and eight times more likely to be abused than people living with biological caregivers, and also eight times more likely to abuse substances and be incarcerated. Statistics are from a 2013 study by American Academy of Pediatrics.

    ELECTRONIC ARTICLE| AUGUST 01 2001

    Adoption as a Risk Factor for Attempted Suicide During Adolescence

    Gail Slap, MD;

    Elizabeth Goodman, MD;

    Bin Huang, MS

    https://www.publications.aap.org

However, religious leaders are unconcerned. With declining church membership, offerings are also down, so financing must go on. Adoption is a way to continue financing churches. Many agencies are faith based, and fees can be between 50 thousand to 130 thousand for a white, womb-wet infant. This exchanging of money for an infant is trafficking. It is selling babies. It is not about providing homes for a child in need, it is providing a commodity to someone who can pay.  Sell a baby and praise the lawd! We just paid this months mortgage!
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https://www.irishpost.com/news/survivors-in-britain-urged-to-share-views-on-national-tribute-to-irelands-mother-and-baby-home-victims-260125?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=trending

Survivors in Britain urged to share views on national tribute to Ireland’s mother and baby home victims
BY: Fiona Audley
September 07, 2023

SURVIVORS in Britain have been urged to take part in a public consultation on how best to commemorate those who went through Ireland’s brutal mother and baby homes and industrial schools.  In March 2022 the Irish Government approved proposals for a National Centre for Research and Remembrance to be located at the site of the former Magdalene Laundry on Sean McDermott Street in Dublin.  “This Centre will stand as a site of conscience to honour equally all those who were resident in Industrial Schools, Magdalen Laundries, Mother and Baby and County Home Institutions, Reformatories, and related institutions,” they confirmed.

This month the Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA) has issued a call to those living in Britain who were impacted by these institutions to have their say before the consultation period closes.  “The Government has opened this consultation to ensure that development of this centre is guided by the people most directly impacted,” the DFA states.

“Anyone who spent time in one of these institutions, as well as relatives and advocates of those who did, is invited to respond.  Their voices are vitally important as feedback from this consultation will directly inform the ongoing work on the development of the centre.”

Although physically situated in Dublin, content from within the proposed National Centre will be accessible in other parts of Ireland, and abroad.  This will be made possible through the provision of digital access to some records and exhibits, the Government has confirmed.  “The National Centre will be a national institution, which achieves a global and national reach, as well as having strong connections to, and benefits for, the local community,” they add.

Once complete the Centre will feature a museum and exhibition space, a research centre and repository of records related to institutional trauma in the 20th century, and a garden space for reflection and remembrance.  In addition, social housing units, educational, family and parenting supports will also be constructed at the site in Dublin.  Work is already underway to progress the planning and development stages of the National Centre, with a steering group chaired by Irish Ambassador to Britain, Martin Fraser driving this.  “As part of its work, the steering group on behalf of Government is now inviting submissions from interested parties, to an initial, open consultation process,” the Government confirmed.

“This consultation will form an important part of the planning work for the project.”

The steering group is specifically seeking views on “the museum and exhibition space; the research centre and repository of records related to institutional trauma in the 20th century; and the space for reflection and remembrance”, they confirm.
76
https://www.irishpost.com/news/their-stories-need-to-be-told-says-irish-star-of-new-bbc-drama-that-examines-legacy-of-magdalene-laundries-259596?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=trending

'Their stories need to be told,' says Irish star of new BBC drama that examines legacy of Magdalene Laundries
BY: Gerard Donaghy
August 30, 2023

THE IRISH star of a new BBC drama that examines the legacy of Ireland's Magdalene Laundries says it's important to talk about the scandal now rather than 'wait for the dust to settle'.  Philippa Dunne from Co. Mayo stars as Niamh in the fictional six-part series, The Woman in the Wall, which began on BBC One on Sunday.  Set in the fictional Irish town of Kilkinure, it centres on Lorna Brady (played by BAFTA winner Ruth Wilson) who finds a corpse in her house after waking up from a bout of sleepwalking.  As Detective Colman Akande (Tipperary actor Daryl McCormack) investigates a seemingly unrelated murder case, Lorna tries to uncover what happened to the daughter that was taken from her at a Mother and Baby home decades earlier.

'It can never be forgotten'

The gothic thriller, which was filmed in Northern Ireland, comes just 10 years after then Taoiseach Enda Kenny apologised to the Magdalene victims, calling the institutions 'a national shame'.  Meanwhile, it's just over two years since the Church and State apologised for the treatment of mothers and children following a damning judicial investigation prompted by reports of a mass grave at a Mother and Baby home in Tuam, Co. Galway.  With the last such institution closing relatively recently in 1998, Dunne says it's important to continue to highlight the scandal to honour those survivors who are still alive.  "[It] needs to be spoken about forever, it can never be forgotten. And what the women endured can never be forgotten," she told the BBC.

"We have to be aware of how dark this country got so that nobody would have to suffer that way again. It's inexcusable, unforgivable.  Plus, the fact that it was still in operation up until so recently is absolutely shocking. It's still too fresh. And when it's fresh, let's not wait for the dust to settle, let's keep talking about it.  Because there are people still alive who went through this awfulness, and we need to honour them. They need to be listened to and they need to be heard, their stories need to be told.  You can't let the memory of this fade because it's an injustice to the women and it's putting us at risk of something similar happening again."
'The context is real'

Co-star Wilson agreed, saying the research she carried out for the part was an eye-opener, having not known much about it beforehand.  She hopes the series will prompt others to further explore the real-life story behind the fictional drama.  "It's only been in the past 10 years that the truth has really started coming out," she told the BBC.

"It was shocking to me that the last Mother and Baby home closed in the '90s, such recent history.  Our show is fictional, the characters are fictional, but the context is real and much of the material is inspired by true events.  It feels important to make work that can platform the stories of these women and my hope is that people enjoy the series, but more importantly, go away and dig a bit deeper, learn a bit more."

The show's London-born Irish creator Joe Murtagh admitted to being equally shocked when learning the details of the real-life scandal.  He added that most people outside of Ireland were unaware of it when he mentioned it to them and so he was 'inspired to do this [show] just by a sense of outrage'.

Murtagh believes that despite the apologies and compensation schemes, there hasn't been enough done to address the issue.  He believes it should be included on the Irish curriculum and hopes his own series can educate people who may just tune in expecting a traditional crime drama.  He said: "My hope is that someone in a random corner of the world, someone who's never heard about the Magdalene Laundries is going to sit down to watch this show because they want to watch a heightened type of murder mystery, and it will totally deliver on that and they will be engaged by it but then by the end of all, they've also learned all about the Magdalene Laundries too."

The first two episodes of The Woman in the Wall are available in Britain on BBC iPlayer. The series will continue on BBC One on Sundays at 9pm, starting with epispode three this Sunday, September 3. Each episode will be available on iPlayer after airing on BBC One.  The series will later air on Paramount+ with SHOWTIME in the US and exclusively on Paramount+ in Canada, Australia, Latin America, Brazil, Italy, France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria and South Korea. The series will be distributed by Paramount Global Content Distribution in additional international markets.
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General Discussion / The Power of Sharing Our Messy Stories
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 17, 2023, 12:53:42 PM »
https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/10/17/the-power-of-sharing-our-messy-stories?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=228994815&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-8cM6-_neG-54XQGDmlE5cBtc3NpYH7yOe8H9o6ViYFK5vW27W1sIq0heiICaRtaZ5NLdrClCj17ujDn8On1cmkqEpsPQ&utm_content=228994815&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

The Power of Sharing Our Messy Stories
October 17, 2022
by Asheritah Ciuciu

“We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.” Psalm 78:4 (NIV)

“Tell us a story, Mommy!” My children bounce on the mattress, their shining faces matching their singsong voices.

“Which one?” I ask, unable to hide the smile tugging at my lips.

What follows is a jumble of animated requests:

“The time you were looking for mushrooms and got lost in the woods!”
“The time you hid in the backyard and ate all the canned whipped cream!”
“The time you met Daddy at summer camp and he chased you, but you thought he had cooties!”

So many stories. Such fond memories. And I love sharing them with my kids, even if most of the stories involve me getting into some kind of trouble. Because what kid doesn’t enjoy hearing how her parents got into a scrape when they were young, just like her?

But lately, I’ve been weaving a different kind of story into our bedtime routine.

“… Have I told you the story of how I met Jesus in the back of my parents’ Subaru one cold autumn night?”
“… Want to hear how God miraculously provided exactly how much money I needed for school?”
“… Did I ever tell you how I was almost separated from my mom at birth, but God protected us both?”

These are more than bedtime stories, more than funny anecdotes of mom getting into trouble. These are stories that showcase God’s glory in our messy, human need. But we sometimes convince ourselves to leave them untold, and we hide a blazing light under a flimsy bushel. (Matthew 5:14-16)   When my children were babies, I didn’t feel the urge to tell them these God-sized stories because I didn’t think they’d grasp the miracle in the mundane. But as they grow, I’m aware of just how quickly time passes and just how few storytelling evenings we still have together.  I still don't do it perfectly, but there’s an urgency now, a passion to make sure I pass on these stories to my children so they know the God of Joseph, David and Esther is just as alive and active in our lives today.  You see, we all suffer from soul amnesia, forgetting who God is and what He’s done from one day to the next and from one generation to the next. God knows this human tendency. That's why He commanded His people, starting in ancient Israel, not just to teach their children His laws but also to tell their God-stories  true tales of the dangerous exodus out of Egypt; the miraculous Red Sea crossing at night; the unexplainable manna and quail in the wilderness; and many more stories of the God who sees, who hears and who provides for His people.  In fact, the Israelites chronicled this commitment in one of their worship songs:  “We will not hide them from their descendants; we will tell the next generation the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD, his power, and the wonders he has done.” (Psalm 78:4)

We live in a story-driven world, and it’s not just children who want to hear stories it’s all of us, co-workers, neighbors, roommates. Most everyone we meet is immediately hooked by the words “Want to hear a great story?”

And these stories are not just from the past: We’re living God-sized stories every day, if only we open our eyes to see Him working in our lives. Because the One who writes our stories still holds the pen in His hands, and He’s not finished with us yet.  So what’s your story?
78
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12523805/The-Nazi-U-boat-doomed-ship-riddle-body-beach-thats-solved-83-years.html?ico=scotland-section-desktop

The Nazi U-boat, a doomed ship and the riddle of the body on the beach that's been solved after 83 years

    Incredible detective story unravels tangled web behind tragedy that claimed 800 lives
    Family finally given answers to fate of beloved husband buried in unmarked grave

By Gavin Madeley For The Scottish Daily Mail

Published: 01:44, 16 September 2023 | Updated: 01:44, 16 September 2023

On a warm late August day in 1940, as war raged across Europe, a nine-year-old boy was scavenging the coastline near his Ayrshire home in search of treasure.  Newly evacuated to the seaside village of Lendalfoot, the child had quickly learned to head for a rocky spot known as the Loup, where all the flotsam and jetsam of the day washes in from the sea.  Lured back by the recent find of a fine ­fishing rod, his eye was suddenly drawn to an altogether more disturbing shape gently lapping at the shore human remains long since dead, yet fully clothed and strapped into a ship’s life jacket.  The shock of that encounter stayed with the boy long after he raced to fetch help and the local bobbies arrived to deal with the matter and take the poor soul to the local mortuary. It bothered the child that he didn’t know anything about this unfortunate stranger, neither his name nor anything about his life.  Even the scant detail in the brief newspaper report of the man’s burial two days later in a nearby cemetery, in a plain black coffin in an unmarked plot, would have been unilluminating.  It would be another eight decades before some remarkable detective work by a band of determined researchers unlocked this macabre mystery and finally revealed the identity of the drowned man as Francesco D’Inverno. Here, the Scottish Daily Mail can exclusively publish the only photograph known to exist of Francesco.  But in this strangest of tales, that name was already in the possession of those researchers as a victim of an infamous wartime tragedy, the sinking of the Arandora Star. Indeed, Francesco D’Inverno is etched onto a memorial plaque in Glasgow to the 94 Scots Italians who lost their lives when the converted cruise liner transporting ‘enemy aliens’ to Canada was torpedoed by a Nazi U-boat on July 2, 1940.  What nobody knew, until now, was that Francesco and the drowned man buried in an anonymous grave were one and the same.  ‘It’s just spine-tingling what we have been able to uncover,’ said genealogist Raffaello Gonnella. ‘But this story just continues to give. We have now managed to locate the exact spot where ­Francesco was buried and spoken to surviving members of his wider family who had no idea about this story. They thought he had been lost at sea.’

This fascinating tale of how a complex historical jigsaw was pieced together began with a ­supposedly simple project to ­produce pictures and biographies of all the men featured on the Arandora Star memorial, which stands in the Italian Garden at St Andrew’s Metropolitan Cathedral in Glasgow.  When historian Michael Donnelly, of the Italian Garden Improvement Group, started to research Francesco D’Inverno, he got a ­surprise. ‘The thing that came up first was his death record, which is extraordinary,’ he said. ‘Given that very few bodies were ever found, I was really puzzled that he was a man with a death record in the Scottish system.  And when I called the record up, it revealed that he wasn’t from here at all; he wasn’t ­Scottish, his last known address was London.’

It is thought the fact his death was recorded in Scotland led to a slip of a bureaucrat’s pen ­mistakenly adding Francesco’s name to a list of Scots Italian ­victims of the Arandora Star. ‘Thankfully for us, this was a happy mistake as it cracked the case open,’ said Mr Gonnella.

The death certificate also confirmed Francesco had been found drowned at Lendalfoot. Further research with South Ayrshire Council then discovered details of the burial in an unmarked grave at the Doune cemetery in Girvan.  The next problem was trying to pinpoint the location of the burial site. Ritchie and Lorna Conaghan, of the Girvan and District Great War Project, which tends the graves of more than 600 war dead, pored over the council’s lair books which map the graves of every cemetery. They were amazed to discover that, although Francesco was buried on common ground here people are often buried together his was the only body in his plot.  ‘They must have realised he was a Roman Catholic because the funeral was carried out by the ­parish priest from Irvine,’ said Mrs Conaghan. This second stroke of fortune meant the group could push on with plans to mark ­Francesco’s grave with a headstone. A JustGiving page has been set up to raise the £5,000 they need to cover the costs.  They have also been able to ­contact relatives of Francesco to tell them of his final resting place and flesh out details of his life.  Born in Villa Latina in the Lazio region in 1901, Francesco D’Inverno came to London in the 1930s in search of a better life. He found lodgings with an Italian widow, Ginevra Tasselli, and her four children at her home at 57 King’s Cross Road.  He worked at a 181-bedroom country house hotel in Croydon, south London, called the Selsdon Park, which still exists. ‘He held various jobs, including head plateman, who was in charge of all the fancy table decorations and serving plates, and worked in the kitchens as a cook,’ said Mr Gonnella.

At some point, his relationship with his landlady changed and despite the age gap she was 50 and he was 37 they married in April, 1939, at St Peter’s Italian Church in Clerkenwell Road, London. It was just months before the outbreak of war when, in an atmosphere of public paranoia about ‘fifth columnists’, all refugees were classified as ‘enemy aliens’.  After Mussolini declared war against Britain in June 1940, Churchill famously declared ‘collar the lot,’ and Italian shop, café and restaurant owners were arrested, including Francesco their only crime was their heritage.  Hundreds were herded, along with some German prisoners of war, onto the Arandora Star liner painted battleship grey with barbed wire and no Red Cross logo to signal they were not soldiers to take them to prison camps in Canada.  Off the coast of Ireland, she was attacked by the U-47 commanded by the ultra-Nazi Gunter Prien who had previously sunk the Royal Oak at Scapa Flow. It took just one torpedo to send the Arandora Star to the seabed with the loss of 805 lives. Only 22 bodies were ever identified from the disaster, while Francesco’s is thought to be the only one that carried as far as the Scottish mainland.  ‘What is amazing is we thought we were researching the 94 men who came from Scotland and yet this story was of a man who never set foot in Scotland alive,’ noted Mr Gonnella. ‘He is a London Italian, but he is our London Italian.’

Francesco’s story carries added poignancy for Mr Gonnella, who lost his own maternal grandfather Quinto Santini from Paisley on the Arandora Star.  ‘That’s where my passion for researching this tragedy stems from,’ he said. ‘My family don’t have a body, we don’t even have a death certificate because they died as enemy aliens. This chap washed up as an unknown on the beach and was given full details because of what they found on the body and were able to identify him.’

Mr Gonnella added: ‘My grand-father’s story was no different from many others; he came over here almost 30 years before he was arrested. Five of his seven children were born here and he ran his own business here, he had Scottish friends. Every town and village, it seemed, had Italians and they were welcomed. But when Italy declared war, he was arrested because he held an Italian passport.  Ironically, his two eldest sons served in the British Army. My uncle Raffaello, after whom I’m named, served in the King’s Own Scottish Borderers and died at Caen in northern France in 1944. My mum’s other brother, Ardero, was in the British Medical Corps for four years.’

Mr Gonnella’s own father spent four years in a Canadian internment camp having sailed on another ship, the Ettrick, three days after the Arandora Star. This is a tale that is repeated through the Italian community and what makes Francesco’s story ­important is that this is a forgotten tragedy. In war, there are hundreds of such tragedies, he said.  ‘To get somebody like Francesco found after 80 years, you just couldn’t make up. That could have been my grandfather that was washed up. Now we know this story, we want to tell it, so others are also remembered.’

For Francesco’s surviving family, the story has been a revelation. In the ebb and flow of life, Ginevra, his widow, and all four of her ­children have died, but one ­daughter-in-law, Doris Tasselli, is still fighting fit at 93 years old.  Her granddaughter Charlotte Tasselli Arnold said: ‘I had no idea about this story at all, but my nan Doris knew all about Frank, as they called him.  She said Ginevra always talked about Frank and said all she got was a letter from the War Office saying that he went down with the ship and was lost presumed drowned at sea. We didn’t know there was a death certificate.  Doris said it was lovely that they had found Frank and she said that if Ginevra knew he had been buried in a Catholic funeral, she would have been very touched. And she would have been up to Scotland like a shot to visit his grave. It’s just a shame that she never got that news; the family were never notified that the body was found.’

She added: ‘It’s a strange feeling to know the full story happiness, but also quite sad that Ginevra and the people who really knew and loved him never knew the truth. She told the story for years that he went down with the boat.’

Mrs Arnold said Ginevra was married before and widowed quite young with four small children: ‘She couldn’t work as she didn’t know much English, so to make ends meet she would take in lodgers, one of whom was Frank.  He came to her from the church and later they had this relationship. There was a 20-year age gap and she would call him “the boy”. My nan said she wondered if they got married when they did because Ginevra wanted to keep Frank safe with the war sparking off.’

The family now hope to make a journey north to see Francesco’s grave and pay their respects. ‘It’s just so important to have somewhere to go to,’ said Mrs Arnold. ‘It is an amazing story and the fact that he has been there all these years and people have worked so hard to track us down. They have made so many people happy by solving this mystery.’

The final piece of the puzzle ­slotted into place last week when Mrs Arnold’s relatives located the only known photograph of ­Francesco among family albums – standing next to Ginevra on a trip to Italy soon after they were ­married. ‘We are so happy to have put a face to the name,’ she said.

But this story has one final incredible twist – after researchers tracked down the boy who found Francesco’s body 83 years ago. ‘He is 92 and not in good health but we were able to visit him briefly and tell him what we had discovered,’ said Mr Gonnella. ‘He replied, “Since I was nine years old, I have often wondered what happened to that man I found on the beach all those years ago”.  He said he had tried but never managed to find out. We were able to tell him the full story up to that point and his face just lit up at the news we had found him; he was humbly grateful that we could fill in the story for him.  It’s amazing; he could tell us the exact spot where the body was found. That was one of the most touching points of the story. Until then, this felt almost like a research project, but that really brought him alive as a person.’

For now, a wooden cross marks Francesco D’Inverno’s grave and flowers were placed there for the first time on July 2, the ­anniversary of the Arandora Star disaster. Soon, Mr Gonnella hopes, something more permanent will replace it.  ‘This was a forgotten story,’ he said. ‘Now we’ve traced who he is and where he is, we need the ­public’s help to provide Francesco with a fitting headstone. It will be symbolic for all the victims’ families a place to mourn and remember.’

To donate to the headstone appeal, visit www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/michael-donnelly-4
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Articles / Court accidentally gave adoption family details to birth father
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 14, 2023, 04:05:00 PM »
https://www.lawgazette.co.uk/news/court-accidentally-gave-adoption-family-details-to-birth-father/5117194.article

Court accidentally gave adoption family details to birth father

By John Hyde 11 September 2023

The Ministry of Justice has been ordered to improve its systems after details of parties in an adoption process were leaked to the birth father.  The data breach happened despite the court judge directing that the father be excluded from proceedings as he posed a risk to the family concerned.  A decision notice from the information commissioner found the mistake was due to a combination of unauthorised local processes and a failure to follow national practice requirements.  The MoJ was given three months to implement multiple changes to its approach to data protection, notably a review of all court processes to check for any other regional deviations from national practice.  The decision notice outlined that the cover sheet had been removed from the front of the adoption file in a breach of protocol. Staff members at the unnamed court with responsibility for checking the file prior to disclosure had then failed to check the contents.  Usually in adoption cases the parties are removed from the electronic court system, but in this case the judge had not issued such an instruction and there was no set procedure for court communications to be recorded.  A note on the restriction of information sharing had been placed in the electronic filing system, but at the time of the incident the system could hold only one note at a time and had subsequently been overwritten.  The Information Commissioner's Office noted that the court had amended its local process to bring it in line with national practice. The cover sheet is no longer removed and the electronic filing system can hold more than one note at a time.  The regulator issued a reprimand but listed a set of requirements to be completed by 7 December. These include a review of national practice to check levels of security of personal information, spot checks of case files to ensure ongoing compliance and improved training in data protection.  The decision notice did not state the consequences of the data breach or whether the father attempted to use the information he had been supplied.
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https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/09/28/how-you-can-encourage-your-husband-when-hes-struggling-with-his-faith?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=226889201&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-8PxVxIYSx0GfGZw5oXewmjvc5L1yhHP6XNo7T4PLHnEvS88AU4eznqbEa83-l-xwycLIrh0r7-GxGZzfE54vTS0xmMJg&utm_content=226889201&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

How You Can Encourage Your Husband When He’s Struggling With His Faith
September 28, 2022
by Lisa Jacobson

“Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 (ESV)

I don’t know why I hadn’t picked up on it earlier.  One Friday evening, I looked up to see my husband walking by with his shoulders slumped and his stride too slow. He moved as if burdened by some great weight, and it was all he could do to carry it across the floor.  My heart ached to watch his heavy steps as he made his way to the other side of the room.  How did I not notice this before?

My excuse is that we were caught up in such a swirl of troubles challenges at church, a struggling child and a work deal fallen through that I’d not stopped to realize the full effect it was having on him.  But if pressed, I’d probably have to admit I was too caught up in my own concerns of that difficult season to consider what might have been his own concerns.  I couldn’t ignore the signs any longer. Yes, we still said grace before our meals and rarely missed church on Sundays, but there was a noticeable lack of enthusiasm on my husband’s part.  Clearly, my man was not in a good place, and my heart went out to him. What can I do to bolster his spirits?

To help strengthen his faith in this trying season?

Maybe you’ve asked some of these same questions and more.  So what does a wife do when her man is downcast? When he seems rather lost or wavering?

Maybe he’s stopped reading his Bible or attending church. Perhaps he never did those things in the first place. And for this reason or possibly others, you’re worried about where your husband might be in his spiritual journey.  Oh, friend, few things make a married Christian woman feel more helpless than watching her husband struggle with his faith.  I’m sure you’ve tried everything subtly placed his Bible on the bedside table, asked if he’ll go to church with you this coming Sunday or urged him to try the new men’s Bible study. But despite your best efforts, he’s shown little interest in these spiritual pursuits. Naturally, you’re anxious for him and yet you are not as powerless as you might feel.  Although it’s true we cannot walk in faith for another person, we can still minister to our husbands in their wrestling places. We can do as 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says: “Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing.”

You can begin by calling out to God on your husband's behalf. More than a basic “pray for him,” this means true supplication crying out to the Lord to bless, heal, convict and move him. Your husband might be encouraged by knowing his wife is lifting him up, even if he is not in a place where he feels like praying for himself.  hen a man is discouraged, he is often down on himself most of all. So this would be the perfect time to affirm the good you can see in your husband that he might not be able to see for himself. Express your appreciation for the everyday tasks he does for you, and remind him of those unique qualities you love about him. Instead of pointing out what he isn’t doing well, point out any positives, no matter how small.  And never underestimate the power of your faithful example in your husband’s life. An understanding smile, an encouraging word and a joyful song on your lips even while going through trials can have a stronger influence on him than might be immediately apparent.  You can have a tremendous impact on your husband by shining the love of Christ sometimes quietly and other times exuberantly in your home.
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