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General Discussion / Outside the Circle

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 07, 2023, 04:31:44 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/09/27/outside-the-circle?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=226888128&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-8PegbAAUrl7QEkWllP1U883eOtDFIJx64HhUJuW8IZTvdgoYOZpV99EnKkBDv9G9YjG9D711E7zqudw4Liu74PDSLbOg&utm_content=226888128&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Outside the Circle
September 27, 2022
by Susie Larson

“God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important.” 1 Corinthians 1:28 (NLT)

d9.27-22

When I was in high school, I was actively involved in lots of activities. But due to some childhood trauma, I was also painfully insecure. I couldn’t find my footing to save my life. You’d find me on the sidelines at the varsity football games with the cheerleaders, but I wasn’t a legitimate member of their group. They didn’t care for me much. But I don’t fault them for that because I didn’t care for me much either. Maybe this is your story too. Something happened in life to push you outside the circle. Now, on one hand, you don’t want to give too much power to the opinions of others, but on the other, you don’t want to live with a lie embedded in your soul. God loves you. He designed you masterfully. And He does His best work through humble, broken people who know they need Him. One day I cried out in prayer to God, knowing I had a flawed view of myself but at a loss for what to do about it. The Lord whispered to my heart, Susie, you’ve felt outside the circle your whole life, but that circle is actually an illusion. It has no value in heaven. Then I pictured Him drawing a circle around me when He whispered, You’re inside My circle, and that’s the only one that matters. The truth settled into my soul that day. God consistently uses people who seem to be outside the circle, and He seems to love to do so. He takes regular, flawed, weak people and positions them to interrupt the enemy’s plans and establish His ultimate purposes on the earth:

* Joseph was an outsider, as far as his brothers were concerned. Then he became an insider in Egypt. God promoted him and positioned him to save a nation. (See Genesis 50.)

* Moses was an insider raised by Egyptians. But God called him to be an outsider and align with His people, Israel, at a significant cost to Moses, so that He could lead them out of captivity and into freedom. (Read the book of Exodus.)

* Jesus was an insider seated in heaven, one with God and the Holy Spirit and stepped down from His throne to enter the womb of a teenage girl. He who knew no sin became sin so that we could become the righteousness of God through Him. (2 Corinthians 5:21) He became an outsider so we who bear His name would become insiders heirs to the Kingdom, filled with His Spirit, assigned to carry out His purposes on the earth. Hallelujah! (Read the Gospels.)

* Paul was an insider: a Roman citizen and a persecutor of Christians. God knocked him off his horse and called him to be an outsider. Paul then followed Jesus and walked with those he’d once terrorized, and God used him to change the world. (Read Acts 9.)

Over and over again, God upsets the status quo. He purposely chooses the weak, the outcast and the marginal for His great purposes, as 1 Corinthians 1:28 says: “God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important.”

How many people go through life thinking they are outside a circle that holds no value in heaven?

What would change for you if you understood and embraced your place at the table of grace?

What if you genuinely saw yourself as the apple of God’s eye?

Maybe you feel left out like I did outside the circle of others and even outside God’s circle. Friend, while others may not choose you, God will always choose you. He created you just as you are, and He has a purpose and a plan for how He wants to use you just as you are. What others think of you and what you think of yourself will never compare to how God thinks of you, His daughter! And the best news is that if we wish to see ourselves as God sees us, all we have to do is ask Him for His vision, His perspective of us. He delights in every detail of our lives.

Articles / Children's care home horror in Germany as girl, ten, is raped 'by adult ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 05, 2023, 02:31:32 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12481649/Childrens-home-horror-girl-ten-raped-murdered-German-police-believe-burglar-25-committed-sex-attack-boy-11-later-killed-argument.html

Children's care home horror in Germany as girl, ten, is raped 'by adult burglar then murdered in separate attack by boy, 11, also living at facility'

Victim found dead in her room at child and youth welfare facility in Wunsiedel
Police believe burglar, 25, raped girl before she was killed by 11-year-old boy

By Rachael Bunyan

Updated: 14:04, 5 September 2023

German police fear a ten-year-old girl killed in a care home was raped by a burglar shortly before being murdered in a separate attack by an 11-year-old boy who was living at the same facility. The victim, identified only as Lena, was found dead in her room at a child and youth welfare facility in Wunsiedel, in Germany's Bavaria region, on April 4 and police suspected the 11-year-old boy of being involved in her death. But now it has emerged that a 25-year-old German man, who has been identified only as Daniel T and is said to be a garbage collector, allegedly entered the child welfare facility through an open bathroom window on the night the victim was killed. The suspect, who lives locally, was allegedly trying to steal from the children's home when he came across the 11-year-old boy and ten-year-old girl. Police suspect the burglar sexually assaulted the victim before leaving the facility, reports Onetz. On that same night, prosecutors now say the 11-year-old boy, who was the girl's roommate, got into an argument with the victim and murdered her. They do not believe Daniel T was involved in her killing. With regard to the killing of the girl, the investigators and the public prosecutor's office assume that the 11-year-old boy killed her without the 25-year-old's involvement,' Matthias Goers, of the Hof public prosecutor's office, said.

The boy is not yet at the age of criminal responsibility, which is 14, so has been kept in a secure facility since April. It is not yet clear how the girl died, but police say she suffered a 'violent' death. The children had been one of a few children left at the home at the time of the murder because most of the other youngsters living there were on a skiing holiday, reports Bild. Last month, prosecutors brought charges against the 25-year-old man for rape, burglary and arson. He is suspected of committing five burglaries between 2022 and 2023 and stealing construction machinery worth £13,700 (16,000 euros) from containers, which he set on fire to try to remove evidence. At the time of the girl's murder, the child and youth welfare centre in the small town of Wunsiedel, home to around 90 children and teenagers, said it was 'deeply shocked' by her death. 'Our thoughts and prayers are with the parents, the family, our children and our colleagues,' it said in a statement.

On its website, the institute describes itself as supporting 'young people and their families who need help with their upbringing'.

Her brutal murder came just a month after the killing of 12-year-old Luise Frisch, who was found dead in the western town of Freudenberg in March after suffering multiple stab wounds. Her killers, named as Luisa Halberstadt, 13, and Anna-Marie Hoffman, 12, stabbed their victim 32 times with a nail file before pushing her down a steep embankment in nearby woods. The classmates also put a plastic bag over Luise's head before one chillingly told the other to 'hit her with a stone or she would be lying next to her'.

The pair confessed to the crime but will avoid punishment as they are too young to bear criminal responsibility in Germany. Police fear Luise may have been alive before she was thrown down the embankment and died from her injuries and the sub-zero conditions that hit the area in early March.

Politics / Adoption Gratitude: How Expectations Weigh on Adoptees

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 02, 2023, 02:27:35 PM »

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/adoption-gratitude-expectations

Adoption Gratitude: How Expectations Weigh on Adoptees
This reported op-ed argues that adoptees shouldn't have to feel grateful.

By Logan Hoffman-Smith
August 29, 2023

“I never know how to feel around my birthday,” said an anonymous adoptee on Subtle Asian Adoptee Traits, a Facebook group where thousands of transnational Asian adoptees go to share their feelings on adoption. “I celebrated my birthday when I was younger,” the poster continued, “but as I’ve gotten older, I am reminded of loss.”

The flurry of hearts and crying emojis that followed from fellow members speaks to the resonance of this statement. Birthdays are a complex time for adoptees. While celebratory in nature, they can also bring up painful reminders of loss, relinquishment, and questions about one’s adoptive parents. Our experience of birthdays serves as a metaphor for the broad, unspoken expectation that goes with adoption: We should always wear a smile lest we be labeled ungrateful or defective for expressing more complicated feelings about our situation.`

Adoptees are often told that our biological parents put us up for adoption because they were financially or emotionally unable to care for us, and that our adoptive parents, out of generosity, took us in to give us a better life in a country with better resources. This narrative is reinforced by most available adoption literature, which is by or for adoptive parents; it is more difficult to access adoption literature that is written by or for adoptees. The stories we are told frame biological parents and birth countries as nonviable as non-options. Kiera McCabe, a poet and Chinese American adoptee, says this version of events disregards the humanity and potential of biological parents, and that the reality is often more troubled. “I think that it took me a long time to get to that attitude, to not view adoption as just this cut-and-paste family where we’ve made everyone happy,” she tells Teen Vogue. “Especially because adoption does inflict a social death on us, and a legal death on us and of where we’re from, our countries of origin, cultural death. We lose so much."

McCabe adds, "It also inflicts a social and legal death on our birth families, because of the pariah status” they get subjected to in some communities for giving up their kids. White savior fantasies," says McCabe, such as the one spun in the 2011 documentary film Somewhere Between, are “reassurance for white people that they’re doing the right thing by adopting.” The “horror” of adoption and foster care is that “we have these narratives of ‘making a family for you.’ But you can’t make these families without destroying another one.”

Many Chinese American adoptees recall their adoptive parents telling them a story about a “red thread of fate” that connected them to their adoptive parents when they were young. Kimberly Rooney 高小荣, an essayist, fiction author, and Chinese American adoptee who has written about the red thread folktale, explains that this appropriated metaphor obscures complex systems by focusing on individual decisions. As Rooney wrote in The Offing magazine, one of these original folktales was about a young man who tried to escape his red thread of fate by maiming the girl he was connected with and ended up unknowingly marrying her. Says Rooney, the original folktale was presented as “sort of proof of, ‘Oh, even if you tried to resist, you are connected.’ This is appropriated and sanitized and whitewashed by a lot of adoptive parents, who turned it into this tale of how the red thread was actually connecting their adoptive child to them.”

They continue, “In appropriating and changing this narrative, adoptive parents aren't just scrubbing the violence of the original folktale, they're also scrubbing the violence that exists within Chinese American adoption."

Rooney goes on to say that "adoptive parents have a lot of power over adoptees in the access that we have when we're younger to our own cultures and the tools and frameworks we’re given to think about ourselves and what happened to us. Even if adoptive parents don't realize that they're abusing that power, and abusing their ability to filter what is and isn't appropriate from our cultures through the lens of their own whiteness even if they don't realize that that's what they're doing, it still is. And it's unfortunately incredibly impactful on adoptees.”

Those who acknowledge the complexities of adoption are often met with backlash. Kimberly McKee, an adoptee and associate professor at Grand Valley State University in Michigan, has written about the assumption of obligatory gratefulness, presenting the concept of the “adoptee killjoy.”

“The adoptee killjoy pushes back against demands for gratitude toward adoption by demonstrating adoption's complexities,” McKee tells Teen Vogue. “It's not just about being angry; it's thinking about the systems and institutions that rendered individuals adoptable, as well as drawing attention to the fact that adoption just isn't that positive win-win-win for all people.”

She adds, “I like thinking about the adoptee killjoy because, inherently, by voicing just any opinion, we are killing the joy surrounding fantasies of adoption, and that prevailing fantasy of adoption as rescue and as a humanitarian act.”

Statistics show that adoption doesn't exist independent of imperial politics. International Korean adoptions boomed during and after the economic devastation of the Korean War, with the number of international adoptees increasing from around 6,166 in the 1960s to 66,511 in the '80s, according to the country’s Ministry of Health and Welfare data, cited by The Korea Herald. Comparatively, between 2010-2021, the number of international Korean adoptions was 486. China’s one-child policy brought on by economic anxiety also led to an exponential increase in the number of international Chinese adoptions, mainly the adoption of girls. Rooney argues that the movement of adoptees from China to the United States replicates the violence of forced migration and assimilation brought on by the hand of the United States in global capitalism and imperialism. Anna Ghublikian, an artist and Korean American adoptee, identifies as an adoption abolitionist due to the structures of criminality and poverty that render children adoptable. “Adoption is an industrial complex, designed only in the interests of those who have adopted, but it also puts responsibility on an individual adoptive parent," says Ghublikian. "So they either see their child through or steer their child through this journey of institutional violence without necessarily the tools to do that right, potentially thinking they’re do-gooders.”

However, Ghublikian notes, the onus ought not be put on individual parents, but rather on exploitative global politics overall. “Many adoptive parents, I think, could benefit from a little more self-reflection and a critical lens," they say. "But at the end of the day, I wouldn't blame my parents for wanting me. The question of who adoption resources are for kind of reflects both of those things. The interests of parents, prospective parents, I think, is what drove the industry, so naturally, the resources would be oriented around it.”

A shift toward agency for adoptees has led to more readily available resources, says Ghublikian, like gatherings, support groups, film, and literature. McKee, while conducting research for her new book, Adoption Fantasies: The Fetishization of Asian Adoptees From Girlhood to Womanhood, has also noticed a shift in resources for adoptees, by adoptees. Memoirs like Shanon Gibney’s The Girl I Am, Was, and Never Will Be and Jenny Heijun Wills’s Older Sister. Not Necessarily Related: A Memoir have given adoptees new access to community and language. McKee is particularly excited about the forthcoming YA anthology of adoptee short fiction, When We Become Ours. Major films, such as Return to Seoul, that feature adoptee characters in all their nuance have also helped make adoptees feel like they have more agency and are less alone. “We're still seeing a shift in terms of how adopted voices are being listened to and amplified," McKee says. "It's not just that we're seeing more adoptees writing memoirs adoptees have been writing memoirs for decades. That's not new. What is new is the content within them the more nuanced or complex conversations about adoptive communities.”

Social media, McKee points out, has also provided a space for adoptees to connect with one another and share their experiences: “Adoptees on social media have a huge voice, whether it's adoptee Twitter, adoptees on TikTok, adoptees on Instagram, there is a growing community. So even if you may not be having these conversations in real life with your friends, there are other avenues to start exploring identity in ways that may feel more comfortable to you.”

Through reflection and conversation with other adoptees, McCabe has gained more confidence and become more comfortable with herself. The poet wants other adoptees to know that it’s okay to push back on society’s assumptions, and that there are many ways to break out of narratives that seem pre-written for us. Adoptees are often told our adoptive parents relinquished us because they really did love us and wanted a better life for us, but this idea as well as feelings of abandonment can bring about significant attachment anxiety. Says McCabe, "Two things were revolutionary for me: Learning the idea that, for us, we are taught love means leaving. Knowledge of this really helped me adjust how I think, my understanding of how I've been in relationships and also to understand why I've been existentially terrified of dying alone for so long. The other thing," McCabe continues, "is we are entitled to the information around our history. It’s not wrong of us to want to know where we come from, because everyone else has that.”

Articles / ‘The Blind Side’ lawsuit spotlights tricky areas of family law

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 02, 2023, 02:14:48 PM »

https://theconversation.com/the-blind-side-lawsuit-spotlights-tricky-areas-of-family-law-212175#:~:text=Oher%2C%20whose%20story%20was%20made,was%20in%20fact%20never%20adopted.

‘The Blind Side’ lawsuit spotlights tricky areas of family law
Published: September 1, 2023 1.43pm BST

What’s the difference between adoption and conservatorship?

Millions of dollars and the freedom to make your own choices, if you ask retired football player Michael Oher. Oher, whose story was made into the 2009 movie “The Blind Side,” says he believed he signed papers to be adopted by an affluent white couple, Sean and Leigh Anne Tuohy, in 2004. But papers filed in court recently indicate Oher was in fact never adopted. Rather, he has been under a court-imposed conservatorship all this time. Further, it is alleged that the arrangement allowed the Tuohys to “gain financial advantages” by striking deals in Oher’s name. The Tuohys’ attorneys have pushed back, saying that Oher had long known he wasn’t formally adopted and that the conservatorship was necessary for his college football aspirations. Their current attorney has also said he believes the long timeline for getting an adoption compared with the relatively speedy conservatorship process played a role in their decision. As the high-profile legal drama continues to unfold, Leigh Anne Tuohy’s personal website still describes Michael Oher as the couple’s “adopted son.” As a law school professor who teaches trusts and estates as well as family law, I have been intrigued by the precise connections between the Tuohys and Oher. A conservatorship and an adoption are two very different legal proceedings, and the resulting relationships are entirely distinct.

What is a conservatorship?

Conservatorships are legal mechanisms to help people who can’t care for themselves or their finances for example, due to advanced dementia. They’re typically not for people like Oher who have been signing their own contracts or writing their own books. The goal is to protect a vulnerable person’s well-being and their assets from being misused. Another recent conservatorship in the news, that of Britney Spears, was also the subject of contentious legal proceedings, although the conservator in that case was her father. Adoption is a different legal process that results in a new parent-child relationship. Parents have certain rights and responsibilities for their children, but once a child turns 18 – regardless of whether they are adopted they are legal adults: They can make their own medical decisions, enter into their own contracts and get married without any parental involvement. People in conservatorships don’t typically have the same kind of freedom. In Tennessee, where the Tuohys live, parents are not required to support their children once they graduate from high school. But the existence of a parent-child relationship remains meaningful even after a child turns 18. For example, parents and children may have legal inheritance rights, or children may be required to pay for a parent’s necessities. The Tuohys say they were told that they couldn’t adopt an adult. But under Tennessee law, as in many other states, adoption can take place at any age. To be sure, in Tennessee, anyone 14 or older needs to consent for the adoption to take place. So Oher would have had to agree which he says he thought he did. In addition, adoption typically requires ending the rights of the birth parents, which can be done either voluntarily or through a termination hearing. So even though Oher was over 18, the Tuohys could have adopted him but that probably would have required ending the parental rights of Denise Oher, Michael Oher’s mother.

Tuohys’ relationship to Oher

The Tuohys didn’t file for adoption. Rather, they asked a court to appoint them Oher’s conservators, which it did. Only a court can impose a conservatorship, and only a court can terminate one. A handful of states explicitly allow for a “voluntary” conservatorship that is, one to which the person subject to the conservatorship agrees. Others, including Tennessee, seem to allow that implicitly, providing for special procedures when the person joins the petition. That appears to be what happened with Oher: He joined in the request for a conservatorship, and so did his birth mother. At issue is whether he knew he was doing so. Although Tennessee law requires that the court find an individual “fully or partially disabled and in need of assistance” before issuing the order on conservatorship, there do not seem to have been any claims that Oher could not manage his own finances, health or living situation. The court apparently found that it was in Oher’s “best interest.” Nonetheless, the Tuohys were apparently given authority to act on behalf of Oher. Although they were appointed “conservators of the person,” which typically does not include control over finances, they were also given authority to approve any contract that Oher wished to sign. It’s unclear just what financial arrangements they undertook, other than those that Oher alleges related to “The Blind Side” he claims that a deal saw the Tuohys receive millions of dollars in royalties from the film. An attorney for the Tuohys strongly denied exploiting Oher, describing the lawsuit as a “shakedown”; they are reportedly preparing a legal response.

Little oversight

Conservatorships also called guardianships in some states can be useful to help people who cannot make their own decisions. Even then, to protect the individual’s autonomy, states typically require that conservators be given the least amount of power possible. But there is typically very little oversight over conservatorships. Generally, a conservator is supposed to provide an annual report to the court. Under-resourced courts, however, may not be able to monitor the guardianship. It isn’t even clear how many conservatorships exist in the U.S., due to uneven record-keeping. There are alternatives to guardianships. In advance of any incapacity, an individual can designate a trusted person, known as an “agent,” to act on their behalf through advance medical directives or financial powers of attorney. Another option is supported decision-making, in which the individual retains decision-making authority but receives help from other people. These arrangements can be informal or written as contracts.

Oher’s options

Oher has already asked the court to compel the Tuohys to stop using his name and image, to provide an accounting of and an end to the conservatorship, and to return any money which should have been paid to Oher. He is seeking information about his school records and any contracts related to the movie. Outside of the conservatorship system, Oher could sue for damages in the event of any breach of fiduciary duty or fraud. When all the smoke is cleared, maybe Oher can persuade Hollywood to make a sequel to “The Blind Side” about his struggle with the conservatorship system.

Articles / Family Court refuses application to reopen findings made in 2016

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on August 31, 2023, 05:33:36 PM »

https://www.localgovernmentlawyer.co.uk/child-protection/392-children-protection-news/54782-family-court-refuses-application-to-reopen-findings-made-in-2016

Family Court refuses application to reopen findings made in 2016

August 15, 2023

A Family Court judge has rejected a mother’s “speculative and hopeful” application to reopen findings of fact made in 2016, which found her to be the perpetrator of injuries inflicted on her child when he was a small baby. In Z, Re (Care Proceedings: Reopening of Fact Finding) [2023] EWFC 137, Mrs Justice Knowles concluded that she was “unpersuaded that there are solid grounds for believing that the 2016 findings [made by HHJ Orrell] require revisiting”.

Mrs Justice Lieven said the case concerned four children: a boy, Z aged 7; a girl, W aged 3; a boy, Y aged 2; and a girl, X aged 1. Z, Y and X all share the same father. The identity of W's father was not known to the court. Z's mother is the father's first partner, K. The father’s second partner, L, is the mother of W, Y and X. All four children are the subject of care proceedings listed for next month. The judge noted that all four children are in foster care. Z lives with his maternal aunt, the sister of K, and the three younger children live with foster carers. Mrs Justice Knowles said: “This hearing was listed to determine K's application to reopen findings of fact made in 2016 by HHJ Orrell in the context of care proceedings brought by a different local authority in respect of Z when he was a small baby”.

In April 2016, a local authority issued care proceedings in respect of Z who was then just over three months old. Z was found to have sustained a number of serious injuries and the court directed that there should be a fact-finding hearing to determine how and by whom those injuries had been caused. The fact-finding hearing was conducted in September 2016 by HHJ Orrell, who found the following:

a) Z had sustained four fractures to the ribs on his back and front. There was a small bruise under his left eye and a roughly circular bruise below the angle of his right jaw;

b) Z had significant bruising on the front and back of his chest and on his shoulder blades;

c) Z had sustained trauma to his liver and to the internal wall of his chest;

d) On the unchallenged medical evidence, these injuries were inflicted on two or more occasions;

e) The only people who could have caused these injuries were the father and K;

f) K was Z's primary carer;

g) Applying the criminal standard of proof, K inflicted both sets of injuries and the father had not inflicted any of the injuries;

h) K was described as being "manipulative, highly intelligent and has skilfully arranged the evidence and her recollections so as to implicate, somewhat obliquely, a very vulnerable father, particularly as it seems agreed between the parents in the past he accidentally inflicted a very small cut on [Z's] lip".

In March 2018, Z was placed into his father's care and K was permitted to have contact with Z five times each year, supervised by the local authority. The judge noted that the father commenced a relationship with L in April 2020 and they began to cohabit in March 2021 after W was born. All four children lived with the father and L though Z visited his maternal aunt every fortnight for weekend staying contact. He continued to see his mother at contact supervised by the local authority. In May 2022, Z's school made a referral to a different local authority due to safeguarding concerns it had about him. Z had alleged in May 2021 that his father had hit him and bitten him. On 31 July 2022, X then a six-week-old baby was taken to hospital by L and paternal grandmother and, on investigation, was found to have sustained a number of significant injuries. “Those injuries were confirmed as findings of fact at the hearing in June 2023”, said Mrs Justice Knowles.

She added: “Additionally, I found that all the above injuries had been inflicted during probably two incidents of abusive handling involving different mechanisms. […] The injuries to X were inflicted by either her mother, L, or by the father. The perpetrator of these injuries failed to obtain medical help for X at the time the injuries were caused. If the perpetrator of the older injuries was the father, L was aware of X's pain and distress in consequence and/or the causative events and failed to obtain medical help for X. Both the father and X failed to obtain timely medical help for X's acute injuries on 31 July 2022.”

The judge said that neither L nor the father gave her a “satisfactory, let alone, reliable or truthful account” of X's life.

She noted that following his removal from the family home, Z had told his maternal aunt that the father and L had "proper fights" in which each hit the other. Z said he had never been hit or hurt by anyone and denied telling his teachers that his father had hit him. However, the local authority did not pursue any findings about this material at an early stage in the fact-finding hearing, a decision which the judge described as “wise”. Turning to the positions of the parties, the judge said that counsel for the mother, K, submitted that there was “genuine new information which warranted that course”, namely:

(a) the father was now in a pool of perpetrators, restricted to just two, one of whom had inflicted very serious injuries on a small baby;

(b) the father had failed to obtain timely medical help for X;

(c) the injuries inflicted on X were strikingly similar to those inflicted on Z in 2016;

(d) there had been safeguarding concerns about Z and Z had said that his father had been fighting L in the family home; and

(e) the father had been found to be evasive, untruthful and unreliable when giving evidence on matters of critical importance.

The judge added, however, that counsel for the mother “accepted that K was not stating that she remembered new matters relevant to Z's injuries and she accepted that she had not acquitted herself well in cross-examination at the 2016 hearing.”

The local authority, the father and the children's guardian all opposed K's application. Counsel for the local authority submitted that a pool finding in relation to the perpetrator of X's injuries was insufficient in combination with other factors to reopen HHJ Orrell's findings. It was submitted that there was unlikely to be a different outcome to any re-hearing as, subsequent to the hearing before HHJ Orrell, K stated that she had “never been away from Z long enough for the father to cause the injuries and thus did not know how the injuries had been caused”.

Counsel for the father submitted that an uncertain perpetrator finding was a relevant factor to weigh in the balance but required the court to evaluate the weight to be given to it by dissecting the evidence in the circumstances of the particular case. “[Counsel for the father] doubted that, given the passage of time and the concession made as to K's memory, any re-hearing was likely to lead to a different outcome by identifying the father as the sole perpetrator”, said Mrs Justice Knowles.

Counsel on behalf of the children submitted that the only material new information was the pool finding implicating the father together with the allegations of harm to Z which the local authority had not pursued. This new information had no impact on three fundamental aspects of the 2016 findings, namely, the mechanism of Z's injuries; who cared for Z and when; and Z's presentation at key points in the chronology. Turning to the law on ‘reopening findings of fact’, the judge said: "Whether the court is prepared to entertain an application to reopen a finding will depend upon whether it is satisfied that the finding has actual or potential legal significance, in other words, whether it is likely to make a significant legal or practical difference to the arrangements that are to be made for the children.”

Turning to caselaw on an ‘Uncertain Perpetrator’ she said: “A pool finding or to put it more accurately inclusion on a list of those who had the opportunity to cause injury to a child is not a finding on the balance of probabilities that a person harmed a child. Thus, in itself, such a finding cannot when the court is considering whether or not to reopen findings of fact constitute reliable, direct evidence about the perpetration of earlier injuries (by analogy with the analysis set out in [43] of Re A (Children) (Pool of Perpetrators) [2022] EWCA Civ 1348). However, in the context of an application to reopen findings of fact, inclusion on a list of those having the opportunity to injure a child can be information which invites further inquiry and which could contribute alongside other evidence to establishing solid grounds for believing that earlier findings require revisiting."

Mrs Justice Knowles concluded that she should refuse K's application to reopen the findings of fact made by HHJ Orrell in 2016. Setting out her reasoning, she said: “First, there is a public interest in the finality of litigation and in matters not being relitigated without good reason, particularly in circumstances where the resources of the family justice system are under serious strain. The circumstances of this case do not constitute good reason for casting doubt on the findings made by HHJ Orrell. Second, any re-hearing would undoubtedly import delay and uncertainty into decision-making about Z. Third, the only material new information before the court is the pool finding made against the father and the allegations of harm outlined in paragraphs 10 and 14 above. With respect to the latter, the local authority did not invite me to make findings about these matters, a decision I described as wise in my fact-finding judgment. I did so because there are substantial forensic problems with these allegations such as inconsistent accounts given by Z together with a lack of other corroborative evidence. In my assessment, it would be very unlikely that a court would find them proved on the balance of probabilities.”

She noted that the pool finding means that the father is a possible perpetrator of the injuries to X and not a proven perpetrator. She added: “Though the father is the common denominator in respect of X's and Z's injuries, that feature does not make it so unlikely that the father and K could both have inflicted injuries on two separate children that solid grounds exist for reopening the 2016 findings.”

The judge continued: “Fourth, turning to the findings made by HHJ Orrell, these were made following a procedurally fair hearing where both the father and K were represented by counsel and where the court heard oral evidence from both of them. In his judgment, given ex tempore, HHJ Orrell identified inconsistencies between K's oral and written evidence which cast doubt on her credibility.”

She noted that the overall picture created by K's evidence was of someone not being honest about the circumstances in which Z came to be injured, adding that by contrast, the father was felt to be a “more honest and straightforward witness”.

She said that the impression created by K's evidence was reinforced by her position at the conclusion of the oral evidence that K “accepted the probability that she was responsible for causing the injuries to Z even though she had no memory of doing so”.

Lastly, turning to the effectiveness of any rehearing, the judge noted that she considered that the court would be faced with “substantial difficulties” if she were to permit the responsibility for Z's injuries to be relitigated. “Z was injured some 7 years ago, thereby compromising accurate memories of what happened in the family home”, she argued.

Despite observing that HHJ Orrell was entitled to identify K as the perpetrator of Z's injuries, the judge highlighted her consideration that he was “unwise” to make reference to the criminal standard in doing so. She said: “Though HHJ Orrell came to his conclusions in 2016, well before the Court of Appeal deprecated the importation of concepts from the criminal law into family proceedings, he should not have expressed himself as being satisfied on the criminal standard of proof. […] No matter how sure they are of their findings, family judges should avoid expressing themselves in the way HHJ Orrell did given the subsequent authoritative decisions of the Court of Appeal cited earlier in this judgment.”

Concluding, Mrs Justice Knowles said: “I am unpersuaded that there are solid grounds for believing that the 2016 findings require revisiting. The likely legal and practical difference consequent upon embarking on a rehearing is very limited for all the reasons I have examined. Sadly, this application is speculative and hopeful and thereby fails to demonstrate that solid grounds for challenge to the 2016 findings exist.”

Lottie Winson

Articles / Brother and sister who were adopted separately discover they were related....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on August 26, 2023, 02:07:05 PM »

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/adopted-brother-sister-dna-testing-b2395972.html

Brother and sister who were adopted separately discover they were related all along

‘The odds are insane’
Olivia Hebert
Los Angeles

Adopted siblings Frank, 22, and Victoria, 19, have recently discovered that they are biologically related. In the early 2000s, the Staten Island siblings were adopted separately by married couple Angela and Dennis. To their surprise, they found out that they were biological siblings through DNA testing from Ancestry.com, according to reports from CBS News. The family requested that their last names not be used by outlets in order to maintain their privacy. “We were both found a year and a half apart and wound up in the same family,” Frank revealed to CBS News. “The odds are insane.”

Both of them were abandoned as newborns, their adoptive mother Angela explained. “They didn’t know they were abandoned until a couple of months ago because we don’t use the word abandoned in our vocabulary,” she said.

The siblings decided to try Ancestry.com out of their desire to learn more about where they come from. Their mother had bought each of them a DNA test and after submitting the kit, Vicky received a surprising message. “I got the match that my brother had popped up as my full sibling, my biological brother,” Vicky said, referring to the moment as “crazy” and unexpected.

Frank was the first to be adopted by the couple, who also share a biological son, after he was reportedly left on the steps of a Staten Island daycare in 2002. Meanwhile, Victoria who goes by Vicky was discovered in 2004 in a first-floor restroom at the Richmond University Medical Center. According to CBS, she was just four to five days old when a nurse and cardiology technician named Claudia Beadle found her beside a bag of diapers swaddled, clothed, and perfectly clean. “I opened the stall she was in between the toilet tank and underneath,” Beadle told the outlet. “I just scooped her up and ran to the clinic.”

After taking her to the pediatrics department, Beadle would visit the baby girl between shifts to feed and care for her until she was finally adopted. On Tuesday (15 August), Vicky reunited with Beadle for the first time. The nurse showed the now-teenager where she had discovered her - what once was a bathroom had been turned into an electrical closet more than a decade later. Speaking about the experience, Vicky told ABC News: “Walking in here was emotional and a little overwhelming, but it was nice to see the place where I was left and to know Claudia was so great and took such good care of me.” Vicky reportedly found out just one month ago what Claudia had done for her as a baby; she knew that she was adopted, but she wasn’t aware of her history.

“For my whole life, I kind of just knew Claudia as my mom’s close friend,” she explained to CBS. "Now knowing the story, it definitely is a lot but in a good way.”

Frank and Vicky are now working with the Richmond University Medical Center Foundation to establish a scholarship fund. On their website, those who are interested in making a contribution to the fund can press the donate button to make a gift as a tribute to Frank and Vicky. When asked about their goal behind the scholarship fund, Frank replied: "Even though this story is about me and my sister, I want to showcase everyone around me that created such a great life for me and my sister.”

General Discussion / Are You up for a Fight?

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on August 22, 2023, 07:30:58 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/08/31/are-you-up-for-a-fight?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=223709211&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--_RzCcdktYbRnhS2rzs4P9W6rwdi-TaoirGVhcu2SB24zMo1SbiYhxUgoB3rLSdBpUZ6hO_YUYjVb4lFpaHqAaF6GCjA&utm_content=223709211&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Are You up for a Fight?
August 31, 2022
by Jess Connolly

“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (NIV)

Until I was 15, I was a docile wallflower. Picture me as the classic middle child, shrinking behind the success of my older sister and the sweetness of my younger one. I didn’t make excellent grades or terrible ones. I didn’t have hobbies but also didn’t pitch any fits. I never picked a fight and usually did everything I could to avoid being corrected or called to account. And then everything changed. At age 15, I became known as the family member most likely to start hard conversations. I began asking intense and thoughtful questions that demanded answers or serious consideration. Provocation and challenge became my favorite tools for engaging with others. What was the shift?

At 15, I met Jesus. I walked down the aisle at a church event and prayed some honest words to the God I had genuinely believed in but had yet to put my trust in. And everything immediately changed, as if the tiny, invisible strings that held my mild personality in place were cut, and I was set free to be the fighter God made me to be. It seemed to me that if He was real, if all His words were true, there was so much at stake to be contended, defended and obtained. So here are the serious questions: Who are we fighting?

Who or what are we fighting for?

And are you up for a fight?

I’ve settled on the truth that I’m fighting the enemy of my soul, not other humans, and I want to be fighting for the good of others and God’s glory. The most recent battle I’ve been engaging in on behalf of myself and my sisters in Christ is in the area of body shame. I know that our enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy, (John 10:10) but this passage from 2 Corinthians gives me so much encouragement about our capacity to fight in the name of Jesus. “For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5)

Our weapons the Word of God and worship have the power to demolish the arguments that set themselves up against God’s knowledge. In this case, God's knowledge is that He made our bodies good, loves them and purchased our freedom on the cross of Christ. And our opportunity is to walk into the combat with full confirmation that our side wins. Whatever your current battle is, here’s an important reminder: You were born for a fight but know your enemy. Remember that the warfare might look more like worship than yelling, and always hold fast to the truth that the contest is over Jesus wins in the end. Amen?

General Discussion / And All That Jazz

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on August 22, 2023, 07:25:04 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/08/30/and-all-that-jazz?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=223709209&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-8XhYUI7N0Twt9p3WvPLYERU64uRyBjibruqzAgr81NrsHBdjDK-P1OmGf9xnwc0sTkihRjZoIelDXvgybGg1f7Wgx9iw&utm_content=223709209&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

And All That Jazz
August 30, 2022
by Karen Ehman

“Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path.” Psalm 119:105 (CSB)

A few days ago, my Instagram scrolling was interrupted when I saw a surprising ad emerge on my screen. The ad was promoting a sale on some Bible study accessories such as colorful highlighters, trendy bookmarks and a set of creative tabs for all 66 books of the Bible. These products looked whimsical and even helpful. But what stood out to me most was the tease at the top of the post, which told readers it was about time they finally “jazzed up” their Bibles. Now, of course the entrepreneur of these items was talking about adding functionality and a little pop of color to the pages of a physical Bible, which so many of us love to do when studying the Word. But the ad caused me to ponder this idea of “jazzing up” the Bible in a different and spiritual sense. So often in our culture, we try to jazz up God’s Word God’s very words. We display Scripture verses on a lovely social media graphic or on a rustically stenciled sign for our home. While there is certainly nothing wrong with using Scripture in our decorating whether at home or online let’s remember what the real purpose of Scripture is in the first place. The writer of Psalm 119 declared: “Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path” (Psalm 119:105).

In ancient times, a lamp was used to help people find their way in the dark. The lamp was suspended over their feet as they walked along a dim pathway. This illumination helped keep them from stumbling and falling. The original Hebrew meanings of the three items depicted in this verse a lamp, feet and a light are straightforward. Their English meanings identically match. However, the phrase “your word” has a multifaceted meaning we would do well to pay attention to. The Hebrew connotation for “word” can be all the following: a message, command, edict, advice, thought, verdict, conversation, counsel or promise. This myriad of meanings is remarkable! Do you need advice?

Go to God’s Word. Would you like to know God’s thoughts?

His Word lights the way. Could you use a good conversation with Jesus today?

You will find it in the pages of Scripture. Want to be sure you are following the Lord’s commands?

Crack open your Bible. And if you’d like to explore the promises of God, you will find them lovingly penned on Scripture's pages. While it’s fun and even beneficial to “jazz up” the physical pages of our Bibles with bright highlighters, colorful pens, and helpful bookmarks and tabs, Scripture itself doesn’t need to be jazzed up at all. Instead, it should be diligently read, carefully studied and prayerfully applied. Let God’s holy Word light your path and show you the best way forward. May it illuminate our minds, causing us to eliminate ungodly behavior. We develop a closer relationship with our Creator through times spent soaking in Scripture. Let’s carve out time to encounter Jesus personally through God’s Word very soon. (Cute Instagram picture of said encounter is optional.)

General Discussion / The Cure for a Troubled Heart

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on August 18, 2023, 03:55:36 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/08/15/the-cure-for-a-troubled-heart?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=222598303&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_MWGha26MtOngNVDMpIKDRRgvu93LuXfYGABihjHeN7Z_LucRG87ajqnKbm6DFjVm8B6Sk6QIn7g_VKfrlf5xfM8TmRg&utm_content=222598303&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

The Cure for a Troubled Heart
August 15, 2022
by Joanna Weaver

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 (NIV)

It had been a terrible, no-good day. My husband had said something that embarrassed me, and I was mad. We’d tried to talk about it, but John couldn’t see the problem. I, on the other hand, couldn’t see anything else. While he went to an appointment, I wandered through the small town we were visiting. In one of the stores decorated for Christmas, I fell in love with a set of brown wooden blocks that spelled out “peace.” Festooned with pine cones and holly, the blocks could be displayed all year long. Best of all, the whole set was only $8. Later, at the coffee shop where John had agreed to pick me up, I ordered a mocha and started rehearsing a short but powerful speech that would help my husband understand the depth of my hurt. But when he arrived and I started to climb into the truck, another set of words came out of my mouth. “Stop!” I exclaimed. “I’ve lost my peace!”

I ran back into the coffee shop and searched frantically for the small bag of blocks. But it was nowhere to be found. “Someone stole my peace!” I told my bewildered husband as I got in the truck and swiped away a tear. I really loved those blocks.

The next morning, I called the gift shop to see if they had more in the back. The woman on the phone offered to check as I whispered a prayer. “Good news! I found another set,” she said, but then she added, “Hey I just noticed a bag of blocks under the counter. Do you think they’re yours?”

Suddenly the Lord put everything together. No one stole your peace, Joanna. And you didn’t lose it. You left it, My dear, He whispered gently to my chastened heart. It’s easy to leave behind our peace with all the uncertainty and chaos in the world. Even as Christians, we can become so consumed by the cares of life that we miss the inner calm Jesus came to give. “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you,” Jesus says in John 14:27. “I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

This peace from God is truly remarkable. It’s meant to infiltrate every part of our being, giving us peace within and peace without. A deep-rooted stability that isn’t easily ruffled, stolen or misplaced no matter what touches our lives. It’s the kind of life Jesus lived when He came to earth. Fully dependent on God, Jesus never seemed to rush from one place to another. He was purposeful rather than driven, available rather than busy, touchable rather than distant. Because He was led by the Holy Spirit, Jesus saw everything and everyone as part of God’s will for His life. And because He trusted that the Father had everything under control, His life was marked by a beautiful peace. Imagine what our lives would be like if we did the same. It starts with the instructions found in John 14:27: “Do not let your hearts be troubled …” (emphasis added).

In a very real way, worry and even anger at our husbands when they hurt our feelings is a choice. I know we don’t always feel like we have an option when something produces a strong and immediate emotion. But until we understand we have a choice, we will remain powerless and peace-less. Perhaps that’s why Jesus, in John 14:27, repeats a phrase found in John 14:1: “Do not let your hearts be troubled” (NIV, emphasis added). Then He tells us how to do it: “Trust in God, and trust also in me” (John 14:1, NLT).

Trusting God is the only cure for a troubled heart, so I find myself repeating these verses from John 14 often. My wooden blocks have also helped. They sit on my bedroom dresser as a constant reminder not to abandon my peace but to guard it carefully. And there’s one more lesson God taught me from that little bag of blocks. When I retrieved the paper bag of blocks from the store, I noticed the saleswoman had written on it three large letters in marker: P.I.F. “paid in full.” The peace you and I need has already been purchased by Jesus and His death upon the cross. What we do with that peace is up to us. So when fear comes knocking and it will, my friend don’t let it trigger panic. Let it trigger trust instead.

General Discussion / This Isn’t Where I Thought I’d Be

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on August 18, 2023, 03:35:25 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/08/12/this-isnt-where-i-thought-id-be?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=221877990&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-8VmLERLMnYCLIQsTHyUTWMUOHNkYc1lm8aXeyfDoeTcyLNzcGHAVZrFoPXCpWRPGwQ3QtFt1BNZY8pYyhk99iF8bge1g&utm_content=221877990&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

This Isn’t Where I Thought I’d Be
August 12, 2022
by Donna Jones, COMPEL Training Member

“Peter, an apostle of Jesus Christ, To God’s elect, exiles scattered throughout the provinces of Pontus, Galatia, Cappadocia, Asia and Bithynia, who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to be obedient to Jesus Christ and sprinkled with his blood: Grace and peace be yours in abundance.” 1 Peter 1:1-2 (NIV)

This isn’t where I thought I’d be at this point in my life. w2Chances are you’ve had this thought; I certainly have. When all my friends were buying houses, I struggled to buy groceries. When the plus sign on the pregnancy test left other women elated, the negative sign on my test left me defeated. When others watched their careers soar, I saw mine get sidetracked. More than once I’ve hung my head in grief, anger, regret or shame and whispered, “This isn’t where I thought I’d be.”

It’s almost second nature to measure ourselves by where we are in life. We define our position relationally: single, married, widowed, divorced. We define our position professionally: top of the ladder, bottom rung. We even define our emotional well-being in language that alludes to where we are, with phrases like, “I’m in a good place” or “I’m in a tough spot.”

Why do we depend on defining ourselves by where we are?

I suspect it’s because, deep down, we’ve bought into the belief that where we are in life defines who we are in life. But what if this notion simply isn’t true?

Tucked away in the greeting of 1 Peter, we read words that might be easy to miss: “To God’s elect, exiles scattered throughout the provinces …” (1 Peter 1:1).

Where were Peter’s readers?

They were in exile. Who were Peter’s readers?

They were God’s elect, “who have been chosen according to the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, to be obedient to Jesus Christ and sprinkled with his blood …” (1 Peter 1:2).

Exiled by others, they were elected by God. Rejected by culture, they were chosen by Christ. They were out yet in. Scattered yet secure. And so are we. Where we are is not who we are. And yet where we are affects us, doesn’t it?

The great temptation is to allow where we are to influence how we are rather than allow who we are to determine how we are and, therefore, how we live.

Like those early exiles, only when we maintain a firm grasp on who we are in Christ — chosen by the foreknowledge of God the Father, through the sanctifying work of the Spirit, sprinkled by the blood of Christ — can we live obedient to Jesus, especially when where we are is not where we want to be.

The world, circumstances and other people may determine where we are, but only Jesus determines who we are. This truth is as vital for us to embrace as it was for Peter’s original audience. The success of our faith depends on the choice to live based on who we are rather than where we are. To go the long haul with Christ, who we are must inform how we live, wherever we live.

When we finally find ourselves at home in the place where who we are trumps where we are, we discover grace and peace in abundance.

Because no matter where we are — further along than we dreamed or further behind than we hoped — where we are isn’t who we are.