https://www.mylondon.news/news/south-london-news/adopted-woman-21-had-seizures-20941878Adopted woman, 21, 'had seizures from stress' when her birth parents tried to contact her
Megan, who has 16 brothers and sisters, hadn't been ready for the unauthorised contact from her birth parents
By Seren Hughes Trainee reporter
21:40, 30 JUN 2021
An adopted woman remembers having seizures from stress after her birth parents tried to contact her just a few weeks before her GCSEs at school. Megan, now 21 and living in Camberwell, South London, was adopted when she was four years old along with one of her biological sisters. She has a very 'open and honest' relationship with her adoptive parents, who she says are 'basically just my parents'.
She is also in contact with many of her 16 birth siblings who she meets up with about once a year. But her birth parents have continued to make unauthorised contact which Megan hasn't asked for or been ready for. Over the years, Megan, who did not want her last name published, has had to deal with siblings she didn't know existed contacting her out of the blue, false claims from her birth father, and a relative 'stalking' her on Instagram. It all started a few weeks before her GCSEs, when Megan got a Facebook message from a few siblings on her birth father's side who she hadn't known existed. "That was exciting because it's always nice to have more siblings," Megan said.
But then her birth parents tried to get in touch too, adding her on Facebook and Instagram. "That was where I drew the line," she said.
"And it sent me over the edge. On my first days of my GCSEs I started having seizures as a result of the stress and anxiety of it."
She told her adoptive parents, and blocked the messages. But then two years ago, her birth dad saw an article Megan had released for Adoption UK and some other magazines. He contacted the magazine and 'tried to play victim', claiming he didn't know Megan existed. She explained: "He contacted them, tried to play victim, saying 'I didn’t even know she existed. I wrote a letter to give her on her 16th birthday but they never gave it to her. I tried to fight for her in court.' And it's all lies because he likes to play victim."
The saga continued around six months later when Megan found out her birth father's niece was stalking her on Instagram. Megan hadn't thought the girl was a relation and wasn't suspicious as she posted make-up videos. But then her birth father started messaging her from that account. Exasperated, Megan told him to give her his address and wrote a three-page long letter with the help of her parents. In it she explained the effect his contact had had on her, including the seizures. She also explained how the unauthorised contact, especially at night-time when she was trying to get ready for work and needed to sleep, was 'inappropriate'. Instead of replying, her father took to Facebook. "So that was immature," she said. "And I haven’t heard from him since."
Her birth parents still haven't understood that Megan doesn't want contact with them, as her birth mother commented on her Facebook photos just this week. Now, Megan can brush the contact from her birth parents off, but she did go to therapy to deal with it. "It’s fine I’m used to it by now," she said.
"I ended up in therapy to try to deal with it all but there’s nothing you can really do because everyone has a smart phone and it's very hard for parents and the kids to constantly have their phone monitored."
Megan uses an alias and keeps her social media accounts on private to try to avoid another incident. Fortunately, her adoptive parents have been very supportive throughout it all. "The adoption has been the best thing that happened to me and made me have the opportunity to do good with my life," said Megan, who has been working as a nanny for more than a year and is studying to be a primary school teacher.
Adoption UK has warned of a mental health emergency among adopted children. The charity has revealed that two-thirds of adopted people aged 16 and over have sought help with their mental health, and the numbers are rising. Additionally, more than a quarter of 13-18-year-olds had direct contact with a birth family member outside of any formal agreement, which can have a negative impact, as seen with Megan. But too many of these children struggle to access support. Adoption UK’s CEO Sue Armstrong Brown said: “For the third year running, 71 per cent of Barometer respondents said they face a continual struggle for support. All too often these families are being failed by a system which invests heavily in the placement of children for adoption, then fades into the background, often with terrible consequences for the mental health of the children and their adoptive families.”
