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571

Adoption Activism / Adoption Activism

« on: May 04, 2020, 01:08:32 PM »

https://www.ncregister.com/site/article/adoption_activism

Archives News  |  Aug. 14, 2006
Adoption Activism
SABRINA ARENA FERRISI

SAN FRANCISCO — Catholic Charities of San Francisco announced Aug. 2 that it would no longer provide full adoption services. Instead, their adoptions will be handled by an organization known for placing children in homosexual households.  Dawn Stefanowicz, a Canadian woman who grew up with a homosexual father, fears their new approach will backfire.  “Why do children need to be adopted by a male and female couple? Because kids need a sense of security,” she said. “These kids have already been abandoned. They’ve been through psychological trauma. They need a male and female couple to be there long-term. You can’t guarantee that kind of stability from gay parents.”

In a document issued before he was elected Pope, “Considerations Regarding Proposals to Give Legal Recognition to Unions Between Homosexual Persons,” then-Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger wrote, “Allowing children to be adopted by persons living in [homosexual] unions would actually mean doing violence to these children, in the sense that their condition of dependency would be used to place them in an environment that is not conducive to their full human development.”

Boston’s Catholic Charities abandoned its adoption efforts after complaints that it was placing children with homosexual couples. San Francisco’s Archbishop George Niederauer decided to take another approach.  “When we saw the public discussion in Boston, we decided to have a study group that would determine how we could serve the adoption community both parents and children. We knew we couldn’t be involved in home studies or specific child matching,” he said.

The study group did not want fewer children to be adopted as a result of Catholic Charities leaving the adoption field. So they looked into how they could help more foster children find families.  “California Kids Connections is a website where agencies and the state post pictures of children who need homes,” said Archbishop Niederauer. Prospective parents are then free to browse the website. “The problem was that they get so many inquiries that they can only post a certain number of pictures at a time.”

In fact, because of limited staffing, California Kids Connection had to limit the number of children they could work with. In light of this situation, Catholic Charities decided to move part of its staff to work within the offices dedicated to California Kids Connection, which is provided by Oakland-based Family Builders by Adoption.  The Archdiocese of San Francisco has also decided it will undertake an intensive program within parishes whereby pastors will raise awareness of the need for foster care and adoption. Parishes will be encouraged to have special evenings at which specialists speak to parishioners.

Activist Adoptions

“This will more than double the size of our program,” said Jill Jacobs, executive director of Family Builders by Adoption. “Last year we had 218 kids placed through the program. We field calls on behalf of the county. Now we’ll have the staff to be able to take all the phone calls.”

Jacobs is a member of the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgendered National Advisory Network and an activist for homosexual adoption.  In her article, “Laying the Foundation to Welcome Gay and Lesbian Families,” (available at www.NCAC.org or find it by “googling” “Jill Jacobs” AND lesbian) Jacobs describes various strategies for increasing the number of children placed in homosexual homes.

Catholic Charities CYO executive director Brian Cahill said in a press release, “It is a privilege to be working with Jill Jacobs and the Family Builders, Team. They are a highly respected, quality organization, and this exciting new partnership allows us to greatly expand and leverage our resources within the current child welfare system.”

Stefanowicz thinks that plan is tragic. She said she and others who grew up in homosexual homes know how painful the experience can be.  “It’s due to the fact that these kinds of parents are involved with many different partners,” she said. “Some parents were transvestites. Very few of us will go public because of the trauma we went through.”

She said that the decision to allow homosexual adoptions will put children in peril.  “I know people are trying to be politically correct, but they are not looking at the rights of children,” she said. “Kids want to see the equality between male and female. They want to see how they interact. My father could not provide affection to me, only to other men. I grew up feeling worthless as a woman.”

She added that homosexual parenting “doesn’t work in the long term for kids because there is no representation of the equality between men and women. Your conscience is shut down. You can’t criticize your parent or their partner. If you do, they go berserk. You know if you tell authorities, you will either end up in a group home or in the streets.”

Reaction

Archbishop Niederauer said that Catholic Charities staffers will not be agents of Family Builders by Adoption. They will only field phone calls.  “We won’t refer to Family Builders by Adoption,” he said. “We will refer to local agencies. We won’t be causing the direct adoption of a child to an inappropriate home.”

A few larger issues remain: How is it possible to know if a Catholic Charities staffer refers to same-sex couples to an adoption agency?

Should the Church be forced out of areas where she has traditionally served the nation?

“I think Boston did the right thing” by getting out of adoption entirely, said Msgr. William Smith, a moral theologian at St. Joseph’s Seminary in the Archdiocese of New York. “But it’s intolerable. We’ve been involved in adoptions in this country for over 100 years. The same thing will happen to the Catholic Church in healthcare. Groups like Planned Parenthood want to get us out of healthcare. We shouldn’t go without a fight. But I wouldn’t want to see us partnering up with groups giving out the morning-after pill.”

About Catholic Charities in San Francisco, Msgr. Smith felt it was not clear if they were involved in any wrongdoing by partnering with a group whose parent is involved in adoptions to homosexuals.  “It could cause scandal,” he said. “Where institutions are concerned, if you can’t run a Catholic institution according to Catholic principle, you should step aside.”

Smith also questioned the wisdom of the new arrangement. “It does not really solve the problem. How could you verify that gay couples are not being served?”

Sabrina Arena Ferrisi is based in Mamaroneck, New York.

572

Articles / Inside insane lives of world's richest royal family worth more than £1trillion

« on: May 04, 2020, 12:52:02 PM »

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/inside-insane-lives-worlds-richest-21940934?utm_source=mirror_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=Mirror12at17&utm_campaign=daily_newsletter

Inside insane lives of world's richest royal family worth more than £1trillion

The British royal family has a combined fortune of £68billion but that pales in comparison to the vast wealth of the world's richest monarchies

By Jane Lavender Assistant Editor

11:05, 4 MAY 2020

The British monarchy might be one of the richest royal families on the planet with an estimated combined fortune of £68billion - but it only ranks at number five on the global list.  The Queen was believed to have a personal fortune of £425million in 2016 with the majority of the British monarchy's wealth coming from inherited land and investments.  This is in addition to the sovereign grant to pay for the royal family's expenses, which comes from taxpayers.  But that wealth pales in comparison to the coffers of the House of Saud, the ruling family in Saudi Arabia.  The monarchy is said to worth more than £1TRILLION more than 16 times the wealth of the British royal family.  And with that amount of cash, the royal family expects only the best.  Private jets, luxury superyachts, helicopters, palaces, luxury chateaus, gold furniture in their lavish homes, and even a gold-plated tissue dispenser.  Among one of the biggest spenders in the royal family is Crown Prince Mohammed Bin Salman.  On one wall in one of his Saudi Arabian royal palaces hangs a Leonardo Da Vinci painting worth £360million.  The crown prince, who is heir to the throne, is also said to have bought a £400million superyacht, £240million chateau in France, two homes in London, and an entire compound on the southern coast of Spain.  As deputy prime minister his father King Salman is Prime Minister the crown prince is said to be the power behind the throne.  Along with his massive spending, he has also made some important cultural changes to Saudi Arabia, including removing the ban on women being able to drive.  But with a personal fortune of almost £2.5billion, he can certainly afford to splash the cash.  Unlike the British royal family, the Saudi monarchy hasn't gained its wealth from land instead, their vast fortune comes from the huge oil reserves in the Middle Eastern country.  The crown prince also seems to have turned his attention to acquiring a football club and is believed to be heading a consortium who wants to buy Newcastle United.  However, he refuses to be drawn on how large his vast wealth actually is.   In an interview with  CBS News, the Crown Prince insisted that his finances were a private matter.  He added: "I’m a rich person and not a poor person. I’m not Gandhi or Mandela. I’m a member of the ruling family that existed for hundreds of years before the founding of Saudi Arabia."

His father the king, who came to the throne in 2015, is believed to have a personal fortune of £13.5billion.  One of the wealthiest members of the Saudi royal family is Prince Alwaleed, who was said to have a fortune of £15billion and was the 45th richest man in the world.  But then he was arrested under the orders of the crown prince.  He was one of the three members of the royal family to be arrested in November 2017 as part of an anti-corruption drive by the government.  He was freed a few months later and is believed to have made a financial settlement and fallen out of the Forbes rich lists.  However, the prince still owns a huge superyacht which was used in the James Bond film, Never Say Never Again.  He also has but a mere two palaces with a third currently being built. The Kingdom Palace is the residence the prince calls his main home.  Worth £105million the sand-coloured palace boasts 317 rooms, five kitchens, including one solely for desserts, a lagoon-shaped pool, and a 45-seat cinema.  In addition, 1,500 tonnes of Italian marble was used in the palace's construction and the floors are covered in silk oriental carpets.  And there's no chance of the prince ever getting bored when he's at home as the palace has 250 TVs.  As well as his lavish palaces, Prince Alwaleed also owns the Kingdon Resort, which has three lakes and huge gardens.  His third palace, which will be called Kingdom Oasis, will have its own private zoo.  However, despite their lavish spending, the Saudi royal family insists they plough billions into charitable projects every year.  Prince Alwaleed bin Talal has set up his own charitable organisation, Alwaleed Philanthropies, which he has given billions to.  He said: "Philanthropy is a personal responsibility, which I embarked upon more than three decades ago and is an intrinsic part of my Islamic faith."

And when King Salman came to the throne one of his first acts was to donate £35billion to ordinary Saudi people.  The money as given to "all state employees, soldiers, students, and pensioners, as well as generous grants to various professional associations, and literary and sports clubs".

Three million people out of Saudia Arabia's five million population work for the state and everyone got the equivalent of two month's pay.  They have also donated millions to further the cause of female entrepreneurs.

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General Discussion / BBC/ADOPTION UK Survey: A Snapshot of modern day adoption

« on: May 03, 2020, 02:56:11 PM »

https://www.adoptionuk.org/news/bbcadoption-uk-survey-snapshot-of-modern-day-adoption

BBC/ADOPTION UK Survey: A Snapshot of modern-day adoption

More than a quarter of adopted families are ‘in crisis’, according to a new survey from the BBC and charity Adoption UK.  Asked how they would characterise their adoption, more than a quarter of parents said there were either serious challenges impacting the wider family, or that their adoption was at risk of disruption, or that it had already disrupted.  Almost a half was finding it ‘challenging but stable’, just over a quarter ‘fulfilling and stable’.

Dr. Sue Armstrong Brown, chief executive of Adoption UK said: “The survey results broadly mirror what we already knew that many families are experiencing serious challenges. In a utopian world, all adoptive parents’ experiences would be ‘fulfilling and stable’ but we’re talking about some of the most vulnerable children in society.”

The majority of adoptive parents who responded to a joint survey carried out by the BBC and Adoption UK say they are living with serious and continuing violence from their children.  The survey was carried out by BBC Radio Four’s File on Four programme and Adoption UK, the charity that speaks for adopters. The results of the survey and feedback from adoptive parents will provide the content for File on Four's investigation into modern-day adoption.  Child to parent violence in adoption is increasingly recognised as being the result of trauma suffered as a result of neglect and abuse experienced by adoptees with their birth families before going into care.  Almost two-thirds of respondents said their child had displayed aggressive behaviour towards them.  Detailed comments made by almost two thousand parents, revealed that much of this was serious and sustained.  The majority of all adopters responding to the survey reported incidents of significant violence: from punching, kicking and biting, to threats with knives to sexual assaults and attacks requiring hospital treatment.

Incidents included:

“Frequently violent due to inherent high anxiety. He is now bigger than me and with huge regret, we have to call the police.  If he were my husband, I would get a divorce but you can’t divorce your child. I cannot give up on him because we are the only stable thing in his life.  We live with a child on parent domestic violence.”

The vast majority of the 5,000 plus children adopted in the UK every year are adopted from care. Dr Sue Armstrong Brown said: “We’re talking about trauma-fuelled violence from children who will have witnessed the unthinkable in their early lives. Adoption is not a silver-bullet these children’s problems don’t just disappear overnight.  Children who have suffered the trauma of abuse or neglect have experienced the world being an unsafe and dangerous place. The child's violent behaviour reveals extreme distress and a need to feel safe and protected. These children need a particular parenting techniques and access to therapy to overcome early childhood trauma, and they may reject any attempts at parental affection or management of their behaviour.'

Adopters were also asked about the information they were given pre-adoption.  Around a third believed they did not receive ’full and correct’ information about their children during the adoption process.  When asked whether they were glad they adopted, the overwhelming majority of respondents to the survey said yes.  Dr. Armstrong Brown added: “Despite the challenges, adopters are resilient and devoted to their children, and these results reinforce that adoption can work for the majority, with the right support. Nine out of ten of the respondents said they were glad that they had adopted”

File on 4 Adoption: Families in Crisis, is broadcast at 8 pm on Tuesday 26th September 2017, Radio Four

574

Articles / Gay and bisexual men are BANNED from Covid blood plasma trials: Volunteer ....

« on: May 03, 2020, 02:35:26 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8281957/Gay-bisexual-men-turned-away-Covid-19-blood-plasma-trials.html

Gay and bisexual men are BANNED from Covid blood plasma trials: Volunteer who was turned down despite being in a monogamous relationship for 30 years

    Gay and bisexual men are being turned away from Covid-19 blood plasma trial
    Around 6,500 people have already registered an interest in taking part
    Critical care manager Andy Roberts who recovered from coronavirus said he was 'angry' after being barred
    Here’s how to help people impacted by Covid-19

By William Cole For Mailonline

Published: 13:14, 3 May 2020 | Updated: 13:52, 3 May 2020

Gay and bisexual men are not being allowed to take part in a blood plasma trial to help in the battle against coronavirus.  The NHS is looking for plasma donors from recovered patients to use in the trial by doctors at London's Guy's and St Thomas' hospital.  Earlier today it was reported that 6,500 people have already registered interest in taking part.  But under rules that enraged potential donors, gay and bisexual men will be barred from donating unless they had already abstained from sex for three months.  Critical care manager Andy Roberts told ITV News that although he had tested positive for coronavirus and has since recovered, he was turned down for the trial.  During a phone call with someone working on the trial, the married NHS worker was asked about his sexuality before being told he was not allowed.  Keith Ward, his partner of more than three decades, said Mr. Roberts being barred from the trial just because he is a gay man made him 'angry'.  'We have been together in a monogamous relationship for more than 30 years and I previously didn’t know of this outrageous three-month rule,' he said.

'It only goes to show that in the UK being gay is still thought as a form of contamination, so if you’re straight and sleep with a different person every weekend it’s safer according to the rules.'

General blood donation guidelines stipulate gay and bisexual men are not permitted to donate blood unless they have abstained from oral or anal sex with another man for three months.  The time limit was reduced from 12 months in 2017. There is no exception given to married gay men or those in monogamous relationships.  The NHS Blood and Transplant service told MailOnline that the decision to use current donor selection guidelines is to 'protect donors and recipients'.

The Advisory Committee on the Safety of Blood, Tissues, and Organs (SaBTO) makes recommendations to the Department of Health which decides on guidelines which NHSBT follows.  So the guidelines mentioned are the Department of Health guidelines which we implement. Any reporting needs to be clear on this, please.  An NHS Blood and Transplant spokesperson said: 'We will initially be using the current donor selection guidelines although we will keep this under review.  The guidelines are there to protect the health of the donor and the recipient. Under the current guidelines, men must wait three months after having oral or anal sex with another man.  We appreciate this deferral can feel disappointing if you want to save lives.  Separately to the convalescent plasma trial, we are working with LGBT+ groups to explore whether we might be able to introduce a more individualised risk assessment for blood donation.'

For those who are permitted to take part in the trial, the donations have been collected and transfusions will begin in 'the coming weeks', the hospital's Biomedical Research Centre said.  It is hoped the potential treatment, known as convalescent plasma, will help patients whose bodies are not producing sufficient antibodies to fight the virus.  The hospital says if the trials prove the treatment to be effective, NHS Blood and Transplant will begin a national programme to deliver up to 10,000 units of convalescent plasma per week to the NHS, enough to treat 5,000 patients each week.

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Articles / Targeted for being Chinese: Celebrity London restaurateur whose guests have ...

« on: April 30, 2020, 11:47:45 AM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8269673/Celebrity-London-restaurateur-tells-racist-Chinese-backlash-Covid-19-slashed-tyres.html

Targeted for being Chinese: Celebrity London restaurateur whose guests have included Prince Charles, Jonathan Ross, and Stephen Fry tells of racist backlash over Covid-19 and reveals his own car tyres were slashed

    Geoff Leong, a father of three, owns Dumplings' Legend in London's China Town
    He has hosted an array of stars including royalty, actors and artists
    The Anglo-Chinese businessman sits on the Covid Anti-Racism Group
    He said the Chinese community had been assaulted, ostracised and shouted at
    All four of his car tyres were slashed outside his home in Hackey, north London
    His wife Marie-Claire had been using the car to get to work on a Covid-ward at King's College Hospital in south London during the lockdown
    Mr Leong, who moved to the UK from Hong Kong when he was 10, said 'anti-China racism' was getting worse
    Here’s how to help people impacted by Covid-19

By James Fielding For Mailonline

Published: 10:26, 30 April 2020 | Updated: 10:27, 30 April 2020

A celebrity London restaurateur whose guests include the Prince of Wales, Jonathan Ross and Stephen Fry has described the shocking rise in racism against the Chinese community due to coronavirus.  Geoff Leong, 43, who owns Dumplings' Legend in China Town, told how people had been assaulted, children ostracised at school and others spat at while they went about their lives.  And he revealed that the Metropolitan Police were investigating after all four tyres on his silver Mercedes were slashed outside his home in north London.  It means his wife Marie-Claire an NHS doctor now struggles to get to work on a busy Covid-19 ward during the lockdown.  Mr Leong sits on the Covid Anti-Racism Group a committee made up of Anglo-Chinese business leaders, councillors and former police officers which was set up this month to liaise between Scotland Yard and the South East Asian community.  He told MailOnline: 'There has been growing anti-China racism since the pandemic took hold by people who hold China responsible for the spread of the virus.  One woman told us how someone pushed her off her bike and told to take her virus back to China.  The parents of an 11-year-old girl told us how their daughter was left out of activities at school in January and February because she "would give everyone the virus"  And at China Exchange, we had a volunteer spat at in the street and an intern who had a man back her out of a tube train while yelling that she shouldn't infect everyone.'

Mr Leong, a father-of-three, said he noticed the tyres had been cut when he went to drive the car with his children in Hackney, northeast London, last week.  'It’s possible that someone living locally who knows that I am of Chinese-heritage has seen me getting in and out of the vehicle and decided to stab the car tyres as some sort of retaliation for coronavirus.  No other car on the street was touched, just mine. I’ve reported the matter to the police as a potential hate crime and they have been out and taken photos of the damage.'

n a bid to shame the culprits, he plastered the car with messages reading ‘Why? Who did this to a doctor’s car, 4x wheels stabbed!’ and ‘How is my NHS doctor going to get to work today?’

He also scrawled the word ‘WHY? on each damaged tyre.   Mr Leong, who is also on the board of the Barbican, said his wife works in neurology but has been asked to cover in the Covid-Ward at King's Colleg Hospital in south London to help battle the pandemic.  'That’s why I left all those messages over the car, I want them to know that they’ve basically hindered a doctor trying to save lives. I want the wider community to know what they’ve done.’  I’ve lived in Britain since I was 10-years-old, I was schooled here. The Chinese community have given a lot to this country, many nurses and doctors who work for the NHS have come from China or Hong Kong.  It is distressing for us to go through as a family. If there are people out in the community who have a grudge against me or the Chinese community and have done this then they need to be exposed.’     

Meg Hillier, MP for Hackney South and Shoreditch, said she was shocked his car had been attacked: ‘If only his car was attacked in the street the simple question is why?  This will shock all right-minded people because we know that coronavirus is a worldwide pandemic and we have to be pulling together, which most people in Hackney are.  This was a particularly unnecessary and nasty crime, which has had the added consequence of leaving a front-line health worker without her wheels.'

A spokesman for the Metropolitan Police said: ‘Police were called on Wednesday, 22 April to reports of criminal damage to a car.  The owner of the vehicle reported that the car’s tyres had been slashed. There have been no arrests at this stage.’

576

Research / Re: Adopters’ Perspectives of Adoption Support in the UK: An Empirical Study.

« on: April 26, 2020, 01:42:49 PM »

Adoption in Romania illustrates both the best and worst aspects of intercountry adoption and has led to the most comprehensive British study on outcomes of early deprivation. Since 1990, 30 000 Romanian children have been adopted abroad, 1200 within Britain.18 The English and Romanian Adoptees Study Team (ERA) followed up 165 of these children, adopted before 42 months, comparing them with 52 non‐deprived UK adoptees placed before 6 months.

The Romanian children had been confined to their cots in impersonal unsanitary institutions with insufficient food and no opportunities for play.19 Although initially 50% were malnourished and 60% were severely developmentally delayed, by the age of 4 most had caught up with their British counterparts.20 However, further studies at the ages of 6 and 11 showed that severe institutional privation was particularly associated with attachment disorders, inattention/over‐activity and quasi‐autistic behaviours. There were no discernable effects if the institutionalisation occurred before the age of 6 months. Thereafter, the marked adverse effects persisted at the age of 11 for many of the children who were over 6 months on arrival.21,22

Although there is marked heterogeneity in the outcomes, it seems that after the first critical 6 months of life, severe deprivation can lead to long‐term psychological impairment. It is also clear that the effects are neither universal nor fixed and there is no significant “dose–response” relationship between the duration of deprivation and the outcome. Profound deprivation is also compatible with normal psychological functioning. One-fifth of the children who had spent the longest time in institutions showed normal functioning. The behavioural outcomes were unaffected by the quality of the adoptive home.21,22

Today Romania is making strenuous efforts to rehabilitate children and 170 orphanages have closed. Spending on antenatal care and family planning has increased. Foster families and volunteers have been recruited to work with abandoned children. The government has spent heavily on public education to stamp out the idea that children are a saleable commodity, a viewpoint encouraged by the vast sums made from child trafficking in the 1990s.

In 2005, Romania banned international adoptions. Government officials claim that the ban has helped them to concentrate on proper substitute childcare. Opponents claim it is denying children the chance of a family. Powerful American adoption agencies, backed by Italy and France, continue to lobby hard for repeal. However, the European Union strongly supported the adoption ban and even insisted on continuing childcare reform as a condition of Romania's bid for EU membership.18

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The long‐term outcomes

Growing up is challenging for children from stable backgrounds. Intercountry adopted children have had a sharply defined historical, geographical, and social break in their life histories. They grow up looking different from their parents, family, and friends. Unlike immigrants, they do not grow up in bilingual households in contact with their extended family and culture. Whether this has damaging long‐term effects on identity and self‐esteem is an unresolved issue.

Many adoptees are now reaching adolescence in Western Europe and the USA. Research studies, which are almost exclusively Scandinavian, Dutch and American, into the mental health and social adjustment of these young adults have produced conflicting results. Some suggested that substantial numbers became increasingly maladjusted as they grew older, with higher than average rates of suicide and mental health problems,23,24 while others suggested a more favourable outcome.25 An overview of the Scandinavian experience concluded that although 75% were managing well, 25% of adolescents were experiencing problems linked to learning, identity and ethnicity.26 American research suggests that the best outcomes are found in a nurturing environment, where a willingness to acknowledge physical differences, openness about the child's origins and help in dealing with the potential conflict of cultures exists.27

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So what is all the fuss about?

Intercountry adoption is not going to stop. The number of children involved is increasing. Intercountry adoption must, therefore, be a service driven by the needs of children. It is not the solution to child abandonment. It does not empty orphanages nor address child poverty in developing countries. It rescues one child but many are left behind. Driven by a powerful demand for babies, it is unlikely to provide families for older children, sibling groups, special needs or disabled children. Only governments can permanently change the lives of all a nation's children by prioritising maternal and child welfare.

All children have the right to be cared for by their parents within the traditions of their family and land of birth. Any alternative should be considered a last resort. Children are a nation's most precious resource and few countries should want to let them go easily. All governments could do more to ensure that they have firm control over intercountry adoption and practice it with integrity. 

Globally, there is a pressing need for basic data and further research into outcomes. Virtually nothing is known about the fate of the children adopted into the UK. Very little international attention has been paid to the plight of birth parents or siblings left behind. British paediatricians and child psychiatrists need to become more knowledgeable about the unique health and psychological problems of intercountry adoption. Above all, more research is needed on the long‐term outcomes for children who have grown up far from home and their issues of identity, culture, belonging, and loss. Children transplanted from one culture to another deserve to have their chances of rejection reduced to a minimum.

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Footnotes

Competing interests: None.

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References
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2. Selman P. The demographic history of intercountry adoption. In: Selman P, ed. Intercountry adoption: developments, trends, and perspectives London: British Agencies for Adoption and Fostering, 200015–35.
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5. Hague Conference on Private International Law Articles 1, 4, 26. In: Hague Convention on Protection of Children and Co‐operation in Respect of Intercountry Adoption. Permanent Bureau, Hague Conference on Private International Law, Proceedings of the Seventeenth Session. Tome 11 1993. A full and up‐to‐date list of ratifying and acceding states is available on www.hcch.net (accessed 15 March 2007)
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7. The Adoptions with a Foreign Element Regulations. 2005. London: Stationery Office, 2005
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26. Dalen M.The status of knowledge of foreign adoptions: a summary of the results of key foreign‐adoption research projects in Scandinavia. Oslo: Department of Special Needs Education, University of Oslo, 1999
27. Silverman A R, Feigelman W. Adjustment in interracial adoptees ‐ an overview. In: Brodzinsky DM, Schechter MD, eds. The psychology of adoption. New York: Oxford University Press, 1990187–200.

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Research / Adopters’ Perspectives of Adoption Support in the UK: An Empirical Study.

« on: April 26, 2020, 01:42:06 PM »

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2066146/

Arch Dis Child. 2007 Jun; 92(6): 479–482.
DOI: 10.1136/adc.2005.086322
PMCID: PMC2066146
PMID: 17515618

Intercountry adoption
Mary Mather

Author information Article notes Copyright and License information Disclaimer
This article has been cited by other articles in PMC.

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Short abstract

More research is needed on the long‐term outcomes of children adopted from other countries

Celebrity adoption was one of the media sensations of 2006, the year every British newspaper suddenly had an opinion about intercountry adoption. What some praised as the altruistic rescue of a child from poverty and early death, others criticised as an adult‐driven, largely commercial transaction. Few editorials considered the consequences for the child growing up in a “rainbow family” far from home or the plight of those children for whom rescue was not an option.

Unlike newspaper editors, paediatricians instinctively support policies that are in the best interests of children. However, forming an opinion about intercountry adoption can be an ethical minefield. While adopters are often driven by humanitarian motives, the children they crave are potentially very saleable items in unscrupulous hands. Few would wish to insult the good intentions of adoptive parents. However, it would be naive to deny that corruption and criminality can exploit the desperation of parents caring for children they can ill afford and the yearnings of those with none.

In a perfect world without war and gross inequities in living conditions, intercountry adoption would not exist. To leave the country of one's birth and culture is to undertake an uncertain and hazardous journey which, given a free choice, few would attempt. For a child, this is also a risky and disempowering process. The decision to move is normally made for a child rather than by the child. Children move from the familiar to the different and from fitting into standing out. While the change is often from poverty to relative wealth, wealth alone cannot guarantee a better life.

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The demographics of intercountry adoption

Intercountry adoption started in North America primarily as a philanthropic response to the devastation following World War II and initially involved children moving from orphanages in Europe to North America.1 As a more global phenomenon, it has grown rapidly since 1990 when the world first discovered Romanian orphans. In affluent societies, increasing demands for children, particularly babies, coupled with a marked decrease in domestic adoption has fuelled this growth. The internet has also increased public awareness about the availability and unmet needs of children in developing nations from where the vast majority of adoptions now originate.

Although accurate, up‐to‐date statistics are extremely difficult to obtain, intercountry adoption probably represents the silent global movement of about 30 000 children per year moving between 100 different countries. In 1998, the main receiving countries for children were the USA, France, Italy, Canada, Sweden, Switzerland, and the Netherlands. The main countries of origin were Russia, China, Korea, Guatemala and Vietnam.2 In the USA, the number of visas issued to “orphans” doubled in 10 years from 9102 (1988) to 16 396 (1998). In France, there was a 50% increase in 10 years from 2441 (1988) to 3777 (1998).2

In England and Wales, the numbers involved are small. Official data collection only started in 1993 and government statistics are based on the number of approved intercountry adopter applications not the number of children brought into the country. Countries with less than five applications are not counted. In 2006, there were 270 intercountry adoptions (367 in 2005).3 Anecdotal evidence suggests applicants tend to live in London and the Home Counties, a distribution probably reflecting the substantial costs of adopting abroad. In 1998, the intercountry adoption rate in the UK per 1000 live births was only 0.4 compared with Norway (11.2), Sweden (10.8), Denmark (9.9) and the USA (4.2).2

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The Hague Convention (1993)

Alongside this growth in intercountry adoption, the international community has made very significant attempts to control the process. The underpinning ethical principles were first introduced in Article 21 of the 1989 UN Convention on the Rights of the Child.4 The detailed implementation was left to The Hague Convention in 1993 agreed in the aftermath of the Romanian crisis.5

The Hague principles seek to put the best interests of children first. Contracting states must ensue that the abduction, sale, and trafficking of children is prevented. Children must be protected against the risks of illegal, irregular and ill‐prepared adoptions abroad. The child must have been freely given up for adoption. No financial inducements of any kind can be made. Efforts must have been made to place the child in a family in their home country. The receiving state must confirm that the adopted child will be given permanent residence and that potential parents have been comprehensively assessed as suitable adopters. Each convention state must appoint a non‐profit making central adoption authority.5

At the time of writing, 67 countries, including most of the major receiving countries, have ratified or acceded to the Convention including the UK (on 1 June 2003). More problematically, most of the states of origin from which children are being adopted have either not accepted the Hague principles or are at a very early stage of implementation.

Children from convention countries are considered legally adopted on their arrival in the UK and automatically receive British citizenship. Children adopted from non‐convention countries need to be re‐adopted in a UK court before the adoption is legally recognised. It is only this second group of children who are subject to a local authority monitoring process and who will have medical examinations as a prerequisite of their British adoption.6,7,8

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The reality of adopting abroad

There are no published data although anecdotal evidence suggests that British intercountry adopters are articulate and well educated. Many have lived and worked in their chosen country. Most act upon humanitarian motives. Others mistakenly believe that adopting abroad involves less bureaucracy or that it will be easier to adopt a very young child. In the past, they have struggled against unspoken prejudice and even outright professional hostility with few local authorities providing help or post‐adoption support. They have also had to manage frustratingly long delays in both countries supported only by the voluntary sector or other adopters.

This situation changed on 1 June 2003, when the UK Adoption (Intercountry Aspects) Act 1999 came into force. Now regardless of the country involved or their relationship to the child, anyone wishing to adopt a child overseas must undergo the same procedure as domestic adopters. Before travelling abroad to meet a child, all adopters must be formally approved by their local adoption panel. Once the child is back in the UK, adopters can now request post‐adoption support.6,7,8

Unlike domestic adoption, however, adopters are still expected to become experts in the adoption practices of the chosen country, make all initial inquiries, identify a child, and pay the full costs. In terms of potential health risks, adopters are advised to obtain comprehensive, local, public health information, although this information is frequently unobtainable or unreliable. Although it is now illegal to pay the birth parents or any intermediary, third party payments for genuine expenses must be met. Social services currently charge between £4000 and £5000 for the pre‐adoption home study and when travel, accommodation and legal expenses are included, the minimum cost is at least £10 000 ($19 500, €15 000). The whole process can take up to 3 years.

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Does any of this matter to paediatricians?

A newly arrived, clean, well‐dressed child can easily mislead, particularly when the examining doctor is a paediatrician or family practitioner with little experience of either domestic or intercountry adoption. Yet the child could have medical problems that are rare or unknown in the developed world. American research indicates that 81% of these problems are only detected by screening and are missed by physical examination.9

Tropical infections, severe malnutrition, prolonged institutionalisation and exposure to heavy metals have long‐term consequences. Family histories are unknown in abandoned children. Prenatal drug or alcohol misuse, obstetric complications or positive tests for blood borne viruses can be deliberately concealed. Physical examinations can miss developmental delay. Neonatal screening tests and immunisations may be incomplete. Medical reports need to be translated and interpretation is often compounded by differences in medical culture.10

One American study looked at 452 Chinese children (443 girls) adopted in 2000. Of these, 75% had developmental delay, 39% had growth retardation, 13% were anaemic, 10% had abnormal thyroid function, 28%, had hepatitis B, 9% had intestinal parasites and 3.5% tested positive for tuberculosis.11 One of the few British studies looked at 35 children adopted into Hampshire. Medical reports were available in 63%, but most were poorly completed with little information; 69% had required treatment abroad for infectious diseases, failure to thrive, anaemia or rickets. One child had an untreated hemiplegia diagnosed as a “problem with one leg”. Screening tests found hepatitis B, abnormal haemoglobin and a chronic salmonella carrier.12

In the USA, where specialised intercountry adoption clinics have existed for over a decade, there is a nationally recommended schedule of screening tests for all children.13,14 The schedule includes screening for anaemia, haemoglobinopathies, HIV, syphilis, hepatitis, TB, parasites, hypothyroidism, rickets and lead. All children have their vision and hearing tested and a developmental assessment. Immunisations given in orphanages are repeated. This comprehensive medical screening is rare in the UK where the total responsibility for securing health is placed on the adopters. This position is unacceptable and leaves children at risk.

The British Association for Adoption and Fostering (BAAF) has now issued guidance adapted from American recommendations.15,16 The regularly updated UNICEF website with individual country health statistics is another useful tool.17

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The Romanian experience

578

Articles / Unrepentant Spice: Furious Victoria Beckham thinks SHE'S the victim after....

« on: April 26, 2020, 12:55:16 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8257253/Victoria-Beckham-unrepentant-spending-taxpayer-cash-furloughed-staff-thinks-shes-victim.html

Unrepentant Spice: Furious Victoria Beckham thinks SHE'S the victim after backlash over her use of taxpayer cash to pay furloughed staff (despite family's £335m fortune)

    Victoria Beckham's 46th birthday celebrations cut short by furlough backlash
    The former Spice Girl saw nothing wrong about using the scheme for her staff
    30 staff were furloughed despite the Beckhams's £335million family fortune

By Katie Hind For The Mail On Sunday

Published: 22:31, 25 April 2020 | Updated: 11:35, 26 April 2020

Last Sunday was the third and final day of Victoria Beckham's extended 46th birthday celebrations.  Already she had enjoyed a 'virtual' party hosted by a celebrity DJ friend and broadcast on Instagram and had a chocolate cake which she had also proudly displayed on her favourite social media platform.  The day was supposed to happy one, perhaps accompanied by more posted images of Happy Family Beckham toasting the former Spice Girl with their favourite £2,000-a-bottle red wine.  Only things didn't quite go as planned.  The Beckhams may have been lucky enough to have decamped from their £31 million home in Holland Park, West London, to enjoy the country sunshine at their luxury barn conversion in the Cotswolds, but their morning was soon interrupted by panicky phone calls from their public relations and management teams.  The cause of the furor was The Mail on Sunday's front-page revelation that Victoria Beckham had furloughed 30 staff at her struggling fashion label, despite having a staggering family fortune of £335 million.  Without doubt, the Beckhams' carefully and expensively cultivated public image was damaged by the fact that with thousands of people dying, and millions of livelihoods at risk, this hugely wealthy woman was taking advantage of a Government emergency scheme to claim what was estimated to be tens of thousands of pounds of taxpayers' money.  With a perverse sense of victimhood, a 'furious and stressed' Mrs. Beckham demanded to know why there was such a fuss about her use of a scheme which Chancellor Rishi Sunak had said was intended as a lifeline for Britain's struggling businesses which had 'done nothing wrong but are watching their finances fall off a cliff'.

Many will think it was not meant for a small luxury fashion brand which has racked up about £35 million of losses since it was founded in 2008, or for a woman whose family business empire paid £38 million to its owners, despite its own near-90 percent fall in profits, in November.  So the mood on Sunday was 'dreadfully tense,' according to a source. 'There were many crisis calls to discuss how they should react.  It would be no exaggeration to say Victoria was sulking. She is used to David being criticised but other than some light ribbing for not being able to sing very well, or never smiling, she has never come under scrutiny like this.'

Make no mistake, it was a very bad day for Brand Beckham. Perhaps the worst day since leaked emails revealed that former England captain David had bad-mouthed the Honours Committee as 'a bunch of c***s' when told his possible knighthood had been blocked. It followed claims that HM Revenue & Customs had suggested he had been involved in a controversial form of lawful tax avoidance.  And it didn't help when it emerged that Mrs. Beckham's reaction was that it was 'the worst week of her life'. But, of course, in the self-obsessed celebrity world, priorities are always different.  So how should Brand Beckham play this latest crisis? Amid the blizzard of PR advice, it seems no one suggested she should announce that her decision to furlough her staff and take taxpayers' money was a mistake and that she should reconsider. Instead, it was all about superficial image issues.  The advice was to hold back on any more boastful Instagram posts of the Beckhams' luxury lifestyle.  There were none last Sunday, nor have there been any since.  Quite a surprise for Victoria's 28 million followers.  In previous days, there had been a constant supply, with the couple making public videos of themselves baking or designing tie-dye T-shirts with their daughter Harper.  Even their weekly ritual of posting videos of themselves clapping for NHS staff every Thursday night was ditched as they attempted to ride out the storm by using the well-worn showbusiness tactic of keeping your head down and hoping things will pass.  But the storm didn't pass. It just got more fierce. Comedian Ricky Gervais 'liked' a comment on social media which said: 'The f****** Beckhams, sorry I'm done with them now. Shame on them.'

And then Piers Morgan weighed in after the Beckham family spokesman justified the decision to get taxpayers to fork out 80 percent of the wages for 30 of her staff by saying: 'Having assessed all our options, we made the decision to furlough a proportion of staff on an enhanced package.'

He said Victoria's business was only a vanity project, adding: 'Lost money year after year. Been bailed out by her famously rich husband David Beckham. Sorry, this furlough scheme was not for prima donna millionaires like you.'

Even now, Victoria is not prepared to backtrack on using the scheme, which will save her £225,000 at the very most.  I am told that her team discussed whether the company should resist taking taxpayers' money but 'it was decided the story would drag on for longer if they took that route, so they opted to continue in the hope that it would soon be forgotten'.

Meanwhile, it has been suggested that Victoria and her team, led by chief executive Marie LeBlanc de Reynies, may have misunderstood the principle behind the Coronavirus Job Retention Scheme.  The rules state that firms can only claim under the scheme if they 'cannot maintain their current workforce because their operations have been severely affected by coronavirus'.

But Mrs. Beckham's fashion house which sells dresses for £1,500 is still actively hunting for staff.  One retail executive told how she received a call from a London branch of recruitment company Hays to see if she was interested in a brand manager role at the label.   The starting salary would be £80,000, though she was told it could be pushed up to around £100,000.  The woman, who wishes to remain anonymous, said: 'How can you justify taking money from the Government to furlough staff but then offer someone a big salary, potentially a six-figure one?'

The Beckhams deny that such a job has been offered to anyone. Until Thursday, the company was recruiting on the website LinkedIn for a social media manager to 'design and create compelling social content across multiple channels and platforms.' The salary is estimated to be between £36,000 and £56,000.  After our story last weekend, Culture Secretary Oliver Dowden was questioned about it on ITV's Good Morning Britain.  He replied: 'Each person and each company should ask themselves, do they have to rely on the tax bed, because the scheme is meant to be if you're about to make someone redundant and you haven't got the money to continue to employ them, then you can rely on the Government to stop people being made redundant. The principle is you should only be using it if you have to.'

Meanwhile, on Twitter, the brickbats continued all week with a hashtag #boycottthebeckhams.  Eventually, it seems, the backlash got too much for Victoria. As well as her PR people admitting it had been her 'worst week', despite her birthday, a friend revealed: 'She's really upset and doesn't think it's fair that she's getting slammed for something a lot of companies and businesses are doing.'y6541
``

The truth is that those close to the Beckhams and their business affairs believe that never before has their brand been in such a precarious place.

The launch of David's US football club, Inter Miami, has left the couple in a quandary over whether to stay in Britain or move to Florida. But it is Victoria's ever-failing fashion business that is at the forefront of their minds. 
#





It has never recorded a profit, and Victoria and her team are anticipating having to announce yet more crippling losses in October.  In the past, the company has been propped up with regular handouts from David, whose business DB Ventures has always been much more lucrative. Despite being advised to close her flagship store in Mayfair, Victoria refuses.  'It's her baby, her pride and joy,' said one friend. Inevitably there is talk in the fashion world that the business won't survive much longer. Without a doubt, the changes have reduced dramatically since the coronavirus crisis.'

Other factors have been at play too. Last year she split from Simon Fuller, the entertainment mogul responsible for creating Brand Beckham. He had helped launch her fashion label – a dream she had had since childhood.

After more than a year of wrangling, both she and David extracted themselves from him to run their businesses themselves. Ever since, there have been staffing issues, with the couple each losing their long-term PR gurus and new recruits in quick succession.

David's most recent PR girl, Izzi May, a close friend of Meghan Markle, left his company on Friday amid rumours of a falling out, though she denies that is the case.

Meanwhile, Victoria's spokesman, Bella Blenkinsopp, has also handed in her notice to take up a senior position at social media phenomenon TikTok.

In her place, Nicola Howson, a former ITV publicist and spokesman for actor Kevin Spacey, has been drafted in to work for both Victoria Beckham Limited and David, whose business is now run by best friend David Gardner.

Despite these rescue attempts, having ditched the man who made them their millions and scored the biggest own goal of their career over Victoria's furlough application, there is no doubt Brand Beckham is suddenly in severe crisis.

579

Changes in the Law / Government announces changes to adoption law & extends adoption support fund

« on: April 25, 2020, 04:32:41 PM »

https://www.first4adoption.org.uk/news/government-announces-changes-to-adoption-law-extends-adoption-support-fund/

Government announces changes to adoption law & extends adoption support fund
14 January 2016

The government today announced that it will seek to change legislation as soon as possible to prioritise the placement of vulnerable children with a loving family where adoption is in the best interest of the child. For the first time ever, the law will explicitly state that councils and courts must prioritise the quality of care the child will need in order to recover from abuse and neglect. Where appropriate, children will be placed as quickly as possible with the person best able to care for them until their 18th birthday rather than with carers who can’t provide the support they need over the long term.  Education Secretary, Nicky Morgan said: “Every single day a child spends waiting in care is a further delay to a life full of love and stability and this simply isn’t good enough. We have a responsibility to transform the lives of our most vulnerable children, making sure they get the opportunities they deserve. That’s why we are changing the law on adoption to make sure decisions rightly prioritise children’s long-term stability and happiness, so that children are placed with their new family as quickly as possible, helping them fulfill their potential and get the very best start in life.”

Increased government funding totalling over £200m will also be made available redoubling efforts to breakdown bureaucratic barriers in the adoption system which can lead to children waiting in care for months longer than necessary.  The money will see the speeding up of adoptions of harder to place children; support the creation of new Regional Adoption Agencies to improve the recruitment of adopters and the matching with children; strengthen voluntary adoption agencies, and ensure social workers have the right knowledge and skills to make robust decisions about the best placements for children.  In addition, the government’s Adoption Support Fund will be extended for the next four years, so adoptive families can access funding for crucial therapy services from day one of caring for their child, rather than waiting months for the adoption order to be finalised.  The government has also announced plans to change regulations so councils have to carry out more thorough assessments of ‘Special Guardians’, to make sure children are in the right home, and with the right relatives rather than distant family members they’ve never met.

580

Articles / Meghan and Harry's pleading texts to Thomas Markle published in court papers

« on: April 25, 2020, 03:23:54 PM »

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/meghan-harrys-pleading-texts-thomas-21895259?utm_source=mirror_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=EM_Mirror_Nletter_DailyNews_News_smallteaser_Image_Story1&utm_campaign=daily_newsletter

Meghan and Harry's pleading texts to Thomas Markle published in court papers

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry both send text messages to Thomas Markle in the lead up to their Royal Wedding, in which they expressed their concerned about his health and asked if they could send a security team to his house

Zoe Forsey Lifestyle Editor

14:00, 20 APR 2020 Updated 05:40, 24 APR 2020

Prince Harry sent messages to Meghan Markle's father pleading for him to answer the couple's calls and warning that speaking to the press would "backfire". The personal texts between Meghan, Harry, and Thomas Markle have been published in court papers as part of their legal battle against a newspaper.  Meghan's worried message to her dad days before her royal wedding has also been made public, in which she says she's "very concerned about [his] health and safety".

The texts have been published to dispute claims that Mr. Markle didn't hear from the couple in the lead up to the wedding and as part of their claim that he's omitted key details.  During the exchange, Harry sends a number of messages to his future father-in-law, saying that he should call if he "loves Meg".  The first message says: "Tom, it’s Harry and I’m going to call you right now. Please pick up, thank you."

Another reads: "Tom, Harry again! I really need to speak to u. U do not need to apologize, we understand the circumstances but “going public” will only make the situation worse.  If u love Meg and want to make it right please call me as there are two other options which don’t involve u having to speak to the media, who incidentally created this whole situation.  So please call me so I can explain. Meg and I are not angry, we just need to speak to u. Thanks."

A third text says: “Oh any speaking to the press WILL backfire, trust me, Tom. Only we can help u, as we have been trying from day 1”.

The couple has also claimed they learned Thomas was in the hospital after seeing a media report.  They claim Meghan texted her dad on May 18, saying: “I've been reaching out to you all weekend but you’re not taking any of our calls or replying to any texts.  Very concerned about your health and safety and have taken every measure to protect you but not sure what more we can do if you don’t respond.  Do you need help?  Can we send the security team down again? I’m very sorry to hear you’re in the hospital but need you to please get in touch with us.   What hospital are you at?”.

The document claims Meghan sent a follow-up message 10 minutes later saying they were going to send the security team over.  She wrote: "Harry and I made a decision earlier today and are dispatching the same security guys you turned away this weekend to be a presence on the ground to make sure you’re safe they will be there at your disposal as soon as you need them.  Please please call as soon as you can all of this is incredibly concerning but your health is most important”.

According to the the legal papers, Mr. Markle replied saying he would only be in a hospital for a few days and refused their offer of security.  Harry then sent a message from Meghan's phone, begging Thomas to let the security help, but Mr. Markle continued to refuse.  The papers state: "While Mr. Markle responded later that evening to say that he appreciated the offer but did not feel in danger and would instead recover at a motel, the Claimant responded 10 minutes later to make a further request for the hospital details so that she would know where he was."

581

Articles / A man left in tears after finding heartbreaking note attached to a distressed do

« on: April 24, 2020, 11:21:42 AM »

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/man-left-tears-after-finding-21887192?utm_source=mirror_newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_content=EM_Mirror_Nletter_DailyNews_News_smallteaser_Image_Story3&utm_campaign=daily_newsletter

A man left in tears after finding heartbreaking note attached to a distressed dog

Siggy the dog was rescued from a busy road after being abandoned and a soggy note attached to her collar explained why her owner wasn't able to take care of her anymore

By Lionel Vytialingam & Luke Matthews Audience Writer

11:07, 18 APR 2020Updated15:54, 19 APR 2020

A man broke down in tears on the side of the road after reading a note tied to the collar of an abandoned dog he found in a state of real distress.  Lionel Vytialingam was buying food when he heard car horns and saw a small terrified dog weaving in and out of traffic in Ipoh, Malaysia.  He jumped in his car and followed the abandoned dog until he was able to get close enough to approach the animal.  Lionel saw the dog had a soggy note attached to its collar with a rubber band but didn't try to retrieve it until he had gained its trust.  After about 10 minutes, the dog plucked up the courage to approach him and Lionel carefully removed the note, while holding on to her 'sticky knots of fur', hoping it contained the owner's contact details or an address.  Instead, he found a heartbreaking message which read: "Woof! Hi! My name is Siggy and I'm the most loving and attentive doggy you'll ever see.  "My master is very sorry he had to leave me here with you, but he just can't look after me anymore. I am very sorry about that as I'm sure he is too.  Please take me into your home. Please let me be part of your family. Please love me.  I am a goldendoodle, I am five years old this year and I have not been neutered. I am very nice, I haven't bitten anyone, ever!  I am a good guard dog who will sit in front of your door all day, and bark at anyone who comes to your gate. Until you tell me to stop. Or if I know the person very well. I can do some tricks too!  I hope you'll accept me. With love and some woof, Siggy."

The note left Lionel in tears and he decided to take the poor pup home, where he fed and bathed her, dried her off and let her sleep in a cosy bed he created under the safety of his sofa.  His previously adopted dog Sammo didn't get along with Siggy, so Lionel's brother is taking care of him while Lionel and Siggy stay in temporary accommodation.  Lionel said: "She had formed the most intense, most pleading eye contact with me from under her matted fringe. I unhooked the note, opened it up and read it right there crouched by the roadside. I broke down in tears.'

582

Articles / A carer who's fostered 150 children recalls the harrowing moment a ....

« on: April 23, 2020, 07:18:18 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-8221899/Best-selling-author-foster-mother-Cathy-Glass-says-never-gets-sexual-abuse-cases.html#

A carer who's fostered 150 children recalls the harrowing moment a six-year-old told her he'd been sexually abused by two men who threatened to 'cut him in bits' when his mother left him in the care of strangers

    Excl: Cathy Glass is a renowned author and a foster mother of 25 years
    In her latest book, tells how Oskar, six, told her he had been sexually abused 
    Kids she fosters have stories of sexual abuse which are 'harrowing and upsetting'
    Told FEMAIL she still has sleepless nights thinking about children's sexual abuse
    Says letting a child leave her care feels like a 'mini-bereavement' for her family

By Claire Toureille For Mailonline

Published: 07:56, 23 April 2020 | Updated: 11:30, 23 April 2020

A foster parent with 25 years of experience revealed she was reduced to tears when the boy she was fostering told her he had been sexually abused.  Cathy Glass has written 33 memoirs about her experiences as a foster carer to more than 150 children and has sold more than 4.5 million copies worldwide, and her latest book, Too Scared To Tell, recalls the harrowing moment where Oskar, six, admitted to her that he had been repeatedly sexually abused.  Oskar's mother, Roksana, worked long hours and often left her son in the care of the people she lived within a shared house, where the tenant turnaround was high, and he was abused when she went out of the country, leaving him in the care of strangers.  Cathy, who uses a pen name to protect her identity, also changed the name of the boy and his relatives, as well as the people she worked with on his case in order to safeguard their anonymity.  Speaking to FEMAIL, she revealed that she's often the first one a child tells if they've been sexually abused and that you 'don't ever come to terms with' what you hear as a foster carer.  Speaking of her latest novel, Cathy revealed she was still in contact with Oskar, and that his mother only sees him about once a year.  Oskar came into her care because his teacher contacted the authorities after he stolen food from school because he was starving.  He also arrived at school with bruises and had a series of 'uncles', who did not speak English, picking him up from school.  Oskar eventually admitted to his teacher that the 'uncles' beat him at home, and his pale appearance, as well as hunger and bruises, alerted the teacher, who contacted social services.  With his mother being unreachable and out of the country, Cathy was asked to look after the six-year-old for a period of time, and he came to live with her.  Cathy found that Oskar did not have an adult figure to rely on where he lived, because his mother did not have time to look after him.  In Too Scared to Tell, she recounts a scene where Oskar, six, admits to her he's been sexually abused by two paedophiles who had been staying with his mother.  The two men had offered him toys and threatened to kill him if he talked about it to anyone.  'They made me take off my pants. They touched my private parts and took photographs,' the young boy reveals.

When Cathy tried to reassure Oskar that the two men whose names he did not know could not hurt him anymore, he was still terrified.  'They said they'd find me if I told and cut me up in little bits, but I had to tell you because I'm unhappy all the time.'

Cathy revealed Oskar's admissions left her speechless and 'blinking back tears', with 'her voice caught in my throat.'

After Oskar revealed that the two men 'made him' do degrade things and saying he did not want to, Cathy was forced to assure him that it wasn't his fault.  'No, it certainly wasn't your fault. None of it was. Bad men like that tell the child they are abusing it's a game and they enjoy it.  They give them gifts and threaten them, which makes the child very confused, so it's more difficult for them to tell. You've been very brave, Oskar, I am proud of you,' she told him. 

The two men would often sexually abuse the child after school when there was no one home but them, or when his mother was visiting Oscar's brother Luka, 12, who had stayed in their home country. The boy displayed classic signs of child abuse, including having night terrors, episodes where he wet himself, and refusing to undress in front of Cathy.  Early on, Cathy suspected Oskar might have been a victim of sexual abuse but was waiting for him to open about it so she could report it to the social services.  His mother was questioned by the police, but the two men responsible for the abuse, escaped the police visit, potentially because they were tipped off.  She also revealed that in order to exorcise his demons, Oskar had repeated the behaviour he suffered from another child at school, asking him to take off his trousers and threatening to 'cut him into bits' if he did not comply, something his attackers had told him.

'Children who have been sexually abused often display sexualised behaviour,' she wrote.

The foster parent had to talk Oskar through which parts of the body were 'private' and which parts were 'okay.'  'I settled Oskar at the table in our kitchen-diner with a drink and I took out a large sheet of plain paper and some crayons.  I sat beside him and asked him to draw the outline of a person, which he did.  I told him to colour in red all the parts of the body that were private, and then those in green that others could see and touch with our permission.'

While Oskar had a good understanding of what was private or 'okay,' Cathy revealed she had done the same exercise with children who had been so badly sexually abused, that they didn't think any part of their body was private.  She then concluded by telling Oskar: 'I know those wicked men made you show your private parts, but that was very wrong of them. You mustn't do it to anyone else because it will hurt them as it hurt you.'

At the end of the book, it was revealed that Oskar will go back to his home country to live with his brother, under the care of their aunt and their family.  It was also revealed that the two men responsible for his abuse were caught by the police, and trialed for their crime.  Cathy and the aunt, Dol, made plans to keep in touch and to allow Oskar to use Skype to see Cathy when he wanted to.  Cathy revealed to Femail that she still kept in touch with Oskar and his family, via Skype. However, she said his mother only visited once a year for Christmas and had not left the multiple-occupancy house she lived in at the time of the abuse.  'Sadly many of the children who come into care have been sexually abused. It is a lot more widespread than is generally realised,' she said.

'Despite fostering for many years it is still harrowing and upsetting to hear a child describe what has happened to them.  I have sleepless nights and of course if they tell the rest of my family they are upset too. You don’t ever come to terms with what you hear but you have to remain calm to help the child.  I think counselling should be offered to all foster carers as well as the children,' she added.

Having spent years fostering children from troubled backgrounds, Cathy admitted she still struggles to say goodbye when it was time for children to leave her care.  'It is never easy to say goodbye to the children we have loved and cared for. I liken it to a mini bereavement,' she said. 

'But often as one child leaves the next one is due to arrive, so while grieving for one we are also welcoming the next.  There is always a shortage of foster carers in the UK. We miss the children, but often they keep in touch which is fantastic,' she added. 

'Some people who would like to foster feel they can’t because they couldn’t say goodbye. It is very difficult.'

Like the rest of the country, Cathy is currently on lockdown and is currently fostering a child, which as made keeping contact with parents a challenge. 'I had a young child placed with me just before lockdown. Face-to-face contact for the child when he sees his mother has stopped,' she said.

'We use live-streaming like Zoom, Skype, and Whatsapp video calls but in some ways, it makes it worse. It upsets him because he can see and hear his mother but can’t actually be with her.  Routine visits from social workers and meetings have stopped for now, but we are in regular contact by phone and email,' she explained.

583

Articles / Why I handed back my adopted babies when I got pregnant: For years, Ali and ...

« on: April 20, 2020, 11:53:31 AM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-7164649/Why-handed-adopted-babies-got-pregnant-Woman-tells-heartbreaking-decision.html

Why I handed back my adopted babies when I got pregnant: For years, Ali and her husband had struggled to conceive so they chose to adopt adorable twin boys. What happened next was a heartbreaking decision that will divide EVERY family

    School librarian Ali Sanders adopted twins after doctors said she was infertile
    She found out she was pregnant the day after the babies were brought home
    Ali then made the heartbreaking decision to send them back to their foster home
    The eight-month-olds were adopted with husband Michael in December 2014
    The couple from Staffordshire threw all of their efforts into the adoption process

By Jenny Johnston for the Daily Mail

Published: 22:18, 20 June 2019 | Updated: 15:35, 25 June 2019

No parent ever forgets that first proud procession from the car to the family home. Ali Sanders remembers every tiny detail of the day she brought her twins home — the baby seats ‘took up the whole of the back seat’, she says.  She watched as her husband, Michael already ‘head over heels in love’ clumsily fussed over the straps and buckles, like the excited novice dad he was. Then, inside the house, came the other big family milestone meeting the ‘over-the-moon’ new grandparents. ‘I remember Michael’s dad meeting them,’ says Ali, 35. ‘He said: “Here’s Grandad!” He was so happy. Everyone was. My parents were thrilled, too.’

Of course, they were: this was the fairytale ending to Ali and Michael’s struggle to start a family. Told they were infertile early in their marriage with issues on both sides the couple, from Staffordshire, threw all their efforts into the adoption process.  Just after Christmas in 2014, their prayers were answered. They were approved to adopt adorable, eight-month-old identical twin boys who even looked like Michael.  ‘They were chunky and squidgy, with huge brown eyes,’ says Ali. ‘Absolutely gorgeous.’

The couple spent the next six weeks gradually getting to know ‘their’ babies, visiting them at the foster home where they had been placed, decorating their nursery and preparing for the big ‘take-home day’.  Life could not have been more perfect in theory. Only something was wrong with Ali. She wasn’t ‘getting it’, she says.  Instead of bathing in a maternal glow of excitement, Ali, a school librarian, felt numb and flat.  ‘It felt like I was playing that it wasn’t real,’ she says. ‘What made it worse was that Michael bonded with the babies immediately. He already felt like Daddy.’

She would watch him changing nappies and cooing during visits but felt absolutely nothing.  She remembers taking the boys to the park for the first time in the beautiful new double buggy she had ‘obsessed’ over for months.  ‘It sounds daft now, but so much effort had gone into getting the perfect buggy. It was an iCandy double and cost more than £1,000. But even when I was sitting with my beautiful buggy containing these gorgeous babies, I just wanted the process to stop. I’d never felt so lonely in my life.’

Motherhood often feels overwhelming and adoptive parents are not spared the waves of panic. There is even a condition called ‘post-adoptive depression’.  But this was something else.  ‘My overriding memory is of sitting there praying that the twins wouldn’t wake up, because when they did, I’d have to go back to pretending to be a mother again,’ Ali recalls.

Seeing her obvious misery and panic, her husband begged her to go to the doctor only a day after they brought the twins home. He knew something was wrong. She had felt ‘out of sorts’ for weeks.  The GP asked for a urine sample, left the room and returned with astonishing news: Ali was pregnant. She was dumbstruck.

‘I said: “I just can’t be” and he asked: “Why?”

I said: “Because we are infertile and we’ve just adopted baby twins.” ’

Legally, of course, they hadn’t. The adoption process takes months to finalise through the courts. But, as far as everyone involved was concerned, they were already Mum and Dad.  The couple drove home in stunned silence, then Ali sent her husband out to buy another pregnancy test ‘the most expensive one he could find, I was convinced the GP had got it wrong’. But he hadn’t.

Shocked, Ali and Michael called their social workers. And that was that. By the end of the day, the adoption process was off.  ‘I told the social worker I didn’t think we would be able to keep the twins,’ says Ali, tearfully.

The babies went back to their foster parents that very evening.  ‘It was the last time I saw them. I cried and cried. I hadn’t expressed any emotion until then, but when they were taken from my arms for the last time, something inside me broke and I don’t think it will ever be fixed again,’ she says.  ‘I don’t think the guilt will ever go. I let down these babies who had already been let down.’

Some will never be able to fathom how a woman so far into the adoption process could backtrack ‘they will think: “How evil”,’ Ali concedes.

Others, though, will sympathise with a woman who, in impossible circumstances, made a terribly difficult decision that she considered best for everyone.  Now, with the benefit of hindsight, Ali thinks that from the moment she was pregnant the adoption was doomed because her body simply refused to allow her to bond with babies that were not genetically hers.  ‘I think it was a physical thing. The way I couldn’t connect with the twins was completely out of character. I’d always been really maternal and desperately wanted those babies.  I think it was my body saying: “Concentrate on your baby.” I put my biological baby first and will have to live with that for the rest of my life.’

Four years on, and that baby is now a three-year-old whirlwind called Jacob. And Ali is expecting again another pregnancy that has defied the odds her baby girl is due in October.  She and Michael couldn’t be happier. Yet, neither has been able to forget the baby boys who were so nearly theirs.  Ali rises to get two hanging toys from the sideboard. They are gingerbread men, Christmas decorations purchased when they received the news that they had been matched with the twins: ‘We put them on the tree that Christmas, thinking there would be a lifetime of decorating the tree.’

These are the only mementos of the twins left in this house. As soon as the adoption process was halted, the couple was asked to erase all correspondence and photos of the twins, who have since been adopted (happily, it seems) by another couple.  Memories are harder to wipe, though. Ali has written a book about her difficult journey to motherhood one that took her through not only a failed adoption but also severe depression. At one point, she says she even contemplated suicide.  Quite understandably, she is concerned that she will be judged. ‘I would hate people to think I was like a child, handing back a toy when I didn’t want it anymore. What we did broke my heart.’

Ali had always wanted to be a mother. From a happy family herself, her earliest recollections are of playing with dolls.  When she married her university sweetheart, Michael, in 2012, they were keen to start a family.  After trying for a year with no luck, they went for tests. The results were distressing.  The chances of them conceiving naturally were ‘impossible’, says Ali. ‘Tests revealed I wasn’t ovulating. Even when I went on Clomid [a fertility drug], the fertile phase of my cycle wasn’t long enough to result in a pregnancy.’

Meanwhile, tests on Michael revealed issues with sperm count and motility.  Devastated, the couple immediately ruled out invasive fertility treatments such as IVF and went straight down the adoption route. ‘I’d seen friends go through fertility treatment unsuccessfully,’ says Ali. ‘I’d also never been hung up on having a child that was biologically mine. To me, it didn’t matter. If there were children out there who needed a loving home, we could provide it.’

They went through an extensive vetting process, which included assessments, interviews and home inspections friends and family were interviewed, too.  While some couples wait for years to be paired with a baby, Ali and Michael received a call just a few weeks after their approval, telling them they were being considered to adopt not one baby, but two.  They were given information about why the babies had ended up in care, which Ali cannot share. She admits that parts of the official report ‘made us both weep’.

The twins had been born prematurely, and while there were no major health issues, there were developmental delays and they would need more care than most babies of their age.  It is now obvious that during her very first meeting with the babies, at the foster carer’s house, Ali was suffering morning sickness. ‘The first time I saw them they were lying on the floor. Michael went straight to them. The room was reeling, and I didn’t. I look back and think: “That was not me. The old me would have been down on the floor without a doubt.” ’

That early introduction was supposed to be joyful, but Ali felt an odd detachment ‘as if watching someone else. I held them, of course. I could coo over them and see how lovely they were, but I couldn’t feel it.’

She put her unease down to the feeling of being ‘watched’ by the foster carer and social workers.  Over the next month, there were regular visits, each longer than the last, culminating in the couple looking after the twins for a whole day. Michael took the lead in doing all the feeds and changes. Ali says she ‘chipped in’, but had to force herself to engage.  ‘I was feeling so sick. All I wanted to do was lie down.’

Was Michael concerned?

‘Yes. He knew I wasn’t myself,’ Ali says. ‘But he also thought that it was just the stress of the situation. We both thought it would settle down when we got them home.’

The day before they were due to collect the twins for good, they had an argument.  ‘Michael couldn’t understand. He said: “This is what you have always wanted why aren’t you more excited?” That made it worse, because I didn’t know why.’

When Michael forced her to go to the doctor, she only gave in ‘so I could get away from the babies for a while’. Michael went, too, and burst into tears as news of the pregnancy was broken. ‘Happy tears,’ she clarifies. ‘But we were both reeling.’

They drove home in silence and then told Ali’s mother and sister, who had been babysitting the twins.  ‘Everyone was stunned. No one knew what to say,’ says Ali.

Eventually, Michael said: ‘We have to talk about this. Do you want to go through with the adoption or do we need to reconsider?’

One might imagine that such a momentous decision would be taken over days, if not weeks. Yet, once Ali had confessed that she didn’t think she could deal with a double adoption and a pregnancy, the die was cast. ‘We had no idea they would take the twins that night, but they said it was for the best.’

The goodbyes were upsetting for all involved. Ali wept, as did everyone in the room. ‘As the social workers took them from us, I knew I did love them, but I also knew this was the right thing, for them and for us,’ she says.

That night, she could not stay in the house, so she went to her mum’s, while Michael packed up all the baby equipment.  ‘I couldn’t look at it,’ she says. ‘We passed everything on to the foster carers because it was only right the twins should have them.’

Ali has questioned her decision many times, perhaps unfairly. She says the social workers themselves told her that if she and Michael had not given up the twins, they may well have been taken back into care anyway. ‘They said they would never have been placed in a home with other children because babies who are up for adoption need such specialist care.’

She still had to battle with the emotional fall-out. And her pregnancy with Jacob, who was born in October 2015, was far from easy. She suffered bouts of depression and, while there were ‘moments of pure joy’, it was clearly difficult.  Even when Jacob arrived, the bonding she had hoped for was not instant. ‘It took time,’ she admits.

Ali is comforted by the fact the twins found a forever home, and she remains convinced she made the only decision possible. She and Michael don’t discuss it much, though, because it is too painful.  Now, she says, every time she sees twins of that age, she wonders: ‘Could that be them?’

Her greatest wish is that one day the boys will come knocking on her door. She has drafted a letter which the adoption agency says can be put on their file.  What does it say?

‘That it wasn’t their fault, that they did nothing wrong, and that I’m sorry we let them down.’

Ali Sanders wrote a book about her experience. 'When The Bough Breaks: The Pursuit of Motherhood' is published by Trigger.  Some names have been changed.

584

Articles / The women robbed of motherhood by the virus: The Government has halted ...

« on: April 20, 2020, 11:18:25 AM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-8234613/The-women-robbed-motherhood-virus.html

The women robbed of motherhood by the virus: The Government has halted all IVF treatments due to the pandemic but biological clocks are still ticking and many distraught couples fear their dreams of parenthood are now over

    Thousands of babies may be prevented from being born due to the coronavirus
    Tina Mulhern, 41, broke down in tears when her IVF treatment was postponed
    A business owner from Glasgow fears treatment won't resume without a vaccine
    Ruth O’Leary, 37, shared being unable to go to Greece to continue her treatment
    Learn more about how to help people impacted by COVID

By Helen Carroll for the Daily Mail

Published: 22:01, 19 April 2020 | Updated: 22:46, 19 April 2020

Tina Mulhern has the usual worries about lockdown: its impact on her business, finances and loved ones. But one crippling fear, that it may have robbed her of the chance of motherhood, overshadows them all.  Tina, 41, had endured one failed round of IVF in February and was awaiting a second, until a notice was posted on the website of her fertility clinic last month, stating that all treatment had been postponed, because of the threat of COVID-19, for the foreseeable future.  By the time she had plucked up the courage to check the website, Tina had been following the news about enforced social distancing and so guessed what it would say. Still, seeing it in black and white, she broke down in tears as she told her partner, by then working in his home office, ‘the dreadful news’.  Because of her age and low levels of Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH), a good indicator of a woman’s egg reserves, Tina’s chances of a successful pregnancy were already low just 14 per cent and she is acutely aware that with each day, week and month that passes, they continue to fall.  ‘Every month treatment is delayed takes me farther away from realising my dreams of becoming a mum. The older I get, the poorer my egg quality will become,’ says a tearful Tina, who is dreading her 42nd birthday in October. By that age, some experts believe, success rates using a patient’s own eggs are so low that treatment is almost pointless.  IVF is stressful,’ says Tina. ‘There are all the injections, medication and invasive treatments, and I felt so down when mine failed to lead to pregnancy in February.  What carried me through was hope about the next round and that has been taken away, at least for now, by this pandemic.  I’m trying to be positive but it’s not easy knowing this crisis may have wiped out my chance of becoming a mum.  Most of us will recover and return to normal, and the economy will repair, but I can’t help tormenting myself with the thought that one consequence may be that I never have the child I so dearly want.’

In mid-March, the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority (HFEA), the government body that regulates fertility care, ordered that no new interventions could begin and all fertility treatment must be concluded by April 15.  Of course, nobody knows how long this edict will stand. But if the rule were to remain in place for a year, it could prevent the birth of many thousands of babies. In 2017, 20,500 children were born in Britain as a result of fertility treatment.  For older women in the ‘last-chance saloon’ in reproductive terms, the next few months could be vital.  ‘You can’t rewind your biological clock,’ says Dr. Catherine Hill, of the reproductive research charity Progress Educational Trust.  Time is of the essence when it comes to fertility treatment. For some people, this shutdown means they may never become parents. This was going to be their last chance and they’re not able to have it. That is deeply distressing.’

Tina and her partner Luke Devereux, 38, began trying for a baby in early 2018, within a year of getting together, as they knew Tina’s biological clock was ticking.  She had always wanted to be a mum but didn’t meet Luke, an engineering consultant until she was well into her 30s.  When conception failed to happen naturally, they decided to use the proceeds from the sale of the house Tina owned, before they moved in together in Glasgow, to fund fertility treatment.  Each cycle, at the Glasgow Centre for Reproductive Medicine, costs about £7,000 and, knowing their chances of success were not high Luke also has a low sperm count they had set aside enough money to fund five cycles.  It was a realistic approach, given that, because of Tina’s relatively advanced age, each cycle would have only a 14 percent chance of success. Before the pandemic, the couple had intended to try to beat the clock, having successive rounds of IVF as close together as medics would allow.  But Tina, who has her own beauty business and is unable to work because of social distancing rules, now has no choice but to dip into these reserves to cover bills and other outgoings.  An added concern for her is that, after lockdown ends, fertility treatment could be further delayed by concerns about the impact of COVID-19 on pregnant women and babies.  ‘My mind is working overtime and although I hope that after this, I will be prioritised because my time is running out, the doctors may decide that if my chances of pregnancy are down to, say, 12 percent, they should treat younger people with more hope of success,’ says Tina. ‘The clinic I’m dealing with seems compassionate, so I hope that won’t be the case.  ‘I also worry that even once social distancing is relaxed, they may not be able to restart treatment until a vaccine is found, because of the unknown effect of COVID-19 on pregnancy and embryos.’

This, she believes, would be deeply unfair, given that those lucky enough to be able to conceive naturally have not been advised to avoid pregnancy.  Professor Tim Child, medical director of The Fertility Partnership, which has nine clinics across the UK, offers some reassurance, based on the medical findings to date.  ‘Pregnancy would certainly not be an ideal time to get coronavirus. If you become ill and are pregnant it’s much more complicated,’ he says. ‘However, while there’s a bit of evidence that this virus can cross the placenta, there is no evidence that it harms unborn babies.’

Among the grounds for postponing fertility treatment, though, was the added risk of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) ‘not common, but not a rare complication from IVF either,’ according to Professor Child which can lead to breathing problems and require hospital admission.  Another reason was the possibility that all medical staff anaesthetists, doctors and nurses working in clinics may have to be redeployed to hospitals providing urgent care to those worst affected by the virus.  On the plus side, while each NHS trust has an upper age limit past which women are ineligible for funded fertility treatment it ranges from 34 to 42 those contacted by Professor Child’s team have implemented six-month extensions to this limit.  When the call came through from Ruth O’Leary’s private clinic in early March to say the first stage of her IVF cycle had been successful two NHS attempts had previously failed and that she and her husband had created a healthy embryo ready for implantation, she had never felt so elated.  But her joy was short-lived as, days later, a nurse called back from the clinic in Athens to tell her all fertility treatment had been suspended, under an order from the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE).  Ruth and her husband Matthew, both 37 and primary school teachers from Leeds, have been trying for a baby for three years and wanted more than anything in the world to be a step closer to realising their dreams of parenthood.  ‘It was devastating news,’ says Ruth, her voice cracking. ‘Becoming parents has been our main focus for so long and we have faced so many hurdles along the way.'

Among the grounds for postponing fertility treatment, though, was the added risk of Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome (OHSS) ‘not common, but not a rare complication from IVF either,’ according to Professor Child which can lead to breathing problems and require hospital admission.  Another reason was the possibility that all medical staff anaesthetists, doctors and nurses working in clinics may have to be redeployed to hospitals providing urgent care to those worst affected by the virus.  On the plus side, while each NHS trust has an upper age limit past which women are ineligible for funded fertility treatment it ranges from 34 to 42 those contacted by Professor Child’s team have implemented six-month extensions to this limit.  When the call came through from Ruth O’Leary’s private clinic in early March to say the first stage of her IVF cycle had been successful two NHS attempts had previously failed and that she and her husband had created a healthy embryo ready for implantation, she had never felt so elated.  But her joy was short-lived as, days later, a nurse called back from the clinic in Athens to tell her all fertility treatment had been suspended, under an order from the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology (ESHRE).  Ruth and her husband Matthew, both 37 and primary school teachers from Leeds, have been trying for a baby for three years and wanted more than anything in the world to be a step closer to realising their dreams of parenthood.  ‘It was devastating news,’ says Ruth, her voice cracking. ‘Becoming parents has been our main focus for so long and we have faced so many hurdles along the way.'

As the chances of Ruth’s one frozen embryo becoming a baby were only 23 per cent, she was due to return to Athens at the end of March to be given injections in the hope of stimulating the release of another egg and creating a ‘fresh embryo’ that could be transferred along with the frozen one, increasing her chances of conception.  But with both travel and fertility treatment suspended for the foreseeable future, this process, like the O’Learys’ precious embryo, is on ice.  Ruth’s 38th birthday is less than four months away and the couple cannot help tormenting themselves with the statistic that a woman’s pregnancy success rate is estimated to fall from 23 per cent to just 15 per cent by the age of 38.  Their circumstances are further complicated by travel restrictions which could delay a return to the clinic in Athens, even once normal services begin to resume in the UK.  ‘I’m trying not to project my mind too far into the future because so much is beyond our control,’ says Ruth. ‘I can’t bear to think about our life without children. It would always feel like there was something missing.’

Professor Tim Child says thousands of British patients have been left with similar anxieties.  ‘This has affected hundreds of patients in our clinics alone and breaking the news that treatment had to be postponed was hard,’ he says. ‘Fertility treatment is not considered urgent, unlike cancer treatment, but the clock is always ticking for our patients, so many of them do see it as urgent.  Understandably, patients are asking when they can start, or resume, their cycles, but I can’t see anything being relaxed in the very near future.’

While two or three months should make little difference to the chance of a successful outcome for most, Professor Child says restrictions lasting much longer could have an impact.  According to NHS figures, the success rate for IVF among women aged 35 and under is about 29 per cent. It is 23 per cent for those aged 35 to 37; 15 per cent at 38 to 39; 9 per cent from 40 to 42; 3 per cent at 43 and just 2 per cent for those over 44, if the woman uses her own eggs.  ‘For most people, this wait is upsetting and frustrating, particularly because they will have waited a while to get to the point of being ready to start treatment,’ says Professor Child.  'If women have lower egg numbers or are in their late 30s to 40s, a few months can make a difference. But even then, I would be reassuring them that any change in their personal chances of success was very small, as long as we get going again in the next couple of months. However, if the ban extends into next year, that’s completely different.’

Vicki and William Fenton, who have had more than their fair share of exposure to NHS emergency care, fully appreciate the need to protect the vulnerable but have, nonetheless, been left devastated by the postponement of their Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI), a form of IVF in which a single sperm is injected directly into an egg.  William, 32, had Hodgkin lymphoma, a type of cancer that develops in the lymph glands, diagnosed six years ago and was advised to have sperm frozen before receiving chemotherapy, which adversely affects semen quality.  The former chef, originally from Leamington Spa, Warwickshire, and now living in Caithness, Scotland, has come perilously close to death more than once but, following a bone marrow transplant in November 2018, has been in remission for 17 months.  Vicki, a dementia carer, married William in late 2016 when neither of them knew if he would survive cancer. But the one thing both were certain about was that they longed for a family.  So in March 2018, they had their first round of ICSI, using William’s frozen sperm, at Aberdeen Fertility Centre.  A further four rounds, all NHS-funded on medical grounds because of William’s cancer, followed, leading to just one pregnancy, which sadly ended in miscarriage at five weeks, last February.  Having exhausted all their NHS-funded treatment, shortly before lockdown the Fentons were about to embark on their first private round of ICSI.  ‘It’s heartbreaking. I honestly don’t know how much more we can take,’ says Vicki. ‘The thought of facing another year not being parents is so painful, especially when it seems everywhere I look now I see people with prams.  My sister-in-law is pregnant and due to give birth in June and I haven’t even been able to congratulate her because it hurts too much. I don’t want to feel this way but I can’t help it. It eats me up inside.’

Neither of them is currently able to work they haven’t left their home for four weeks because William’s immunity has been so compromised by cancer treatment that catching coronavirus could be lethal for him.  As this is considered voluntary isolation, they are not being paid, either. So to avoid dipping into their precious fertility-treatment coffers, they are living on beans on toast and other low-cost meals.  So when will it all end?

Tina contacted her clinic last week to check if there was any news on when her treatment might restart. She was told that, for now, there is ‘no guidance’.  For her, like so many others struggling with infertility, the uncertainty surrounding this pandemic adds to an already ever-present fear that she may never experience the joy of parenthood.   

585

Articles / 'I ran away to France to keep my baby'

« on: April 18, 2020, 11:23:37 AM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-47802296

'I ran away to France to keep my baby'
By Ena Miller

4 April 2019

Every year a number of pregnant women flee the UK in an attempt to stop their babies being taken into care. In 2015, Zara was one of them. With her baby due in days she packed a small bag and left everything behind. But once she had crossed the Channel, things went badly wrong.  There's a photograph of Zara in a garden in France, holding her passport in front of her huge belly.  She's looking proud. The passport signifies freedom she has taken back control. And soon she will give birth to a child that she's hoping she'll be allowed to keep.  A week earlier Zara had been sitting in her living room in England, scouring the internet. Thirty-seven weeks pregnant, she had begun to doubt that social services would allow her to keep her baby. Her plan had been to work with them this time, to convince them that she was capable of being a mother. But they had not given her a Yes or a No and the baby was about to arrive.  Zara was already well known to social services. Her first child had been taken into care when she was 16, at a time when she was suicidal, she says and had been asked to leave her foster home. Her second child was taken two years later, while she was in an abusive relationship with an older man.  "Removal is just like losing a child. You feel compelled to be a mother and there's a child-shaped hole in your heart that needs filling," she says.  "I've never really recovered."

But a few years had elapsed before she became pregnant with her third child, and this one she thought she might be allowed to keep.  "When I became pregnant for the third time it was a new beginning. I thought it was OK to move on and start again. I was living in hope," Zara says.  "I wanted to be the mum I was never allowed to be, because of abusive relationships and my volatile family situation."

She hadn't told her family about her pregnancy. The only people she felt she could speak to were strangers online - hundreds of them, in Facebook groups set up to allow people to vent, support and advise each other on social services and child removal.  These strangers fuelled Zara's anxieties and made her situation seem hopeless, she says.  "I was being told that my child would be removed and the only solution was to leave the country and leave now," she says.

So when Zara was invited by a British woman in one of the Facebook groups to stay with her in France, outside UK jurisdiction, she seized the chance.  "She offered me a job and accommodation, and sold me a new life," she says.

Within four hours, Zara was in London taking her seat on a Eurostar train. She only had a small bag. She'd packed things for her baby, stuffed in enough underwear to last a week and found space for one change of clothes.  "It was absolutely mental and horrible. My heart was pounding and my head was a mess," she says.  "I didn't understand what I was doing, it was robotic. Pack, book my ticket, check, double-check.  Up until then, I was fighting to keep my baby in the UK, but then there was a shift. It was huge, drastic, frightening and life-changing."

After accepting the woman's invitation and booking her ticket, she was advised to contact a man called Ian Josephs.  Once a councillor in the UK, now a wealthy resident of Monaco, he runs a website where he campaigns against forced adoptions. He offers advice to people dealing with social services, or the family courts. He also sometimes provides financial help to families who run from the UK to countries such as France, Cyprus, Ireland, and Spain. And for many, this makes him a hero testimonials on his website thank him for his assistance.  He said he would reimburse Zara's travel costs; if she showed him proof of social services involvement, travel receipts and evidence of her pregnancy, the money would be transferred once she was in France.  When Zara arrived at Paris's Gare du Nord station, the woman she had met online was there to greet her. It turned out she was pregnant too. They hugged as though they were old friends.  It was the height of summer and they set off on a long journey along "cute" country roads. Then the car came to a halt.  "We stopped in the middle of nowhere. I thought we were taking a break but was told the barn in front of me was my new home," Zara says.

But a few years had elapsed before she became pregnant with her third child, and this one she thought she might be allowed to keep.  "When I became pregnant for the third time it was a new beginning. I thought it was OK to move on and start again. I was living in hope," Zara says.  "I wanted to be the mum I was never allowed to be, because of abusive relationships and my volatile family situation."

She hadn't told her family about her pregnancy. The only people she felt she could speak to were strangers online hundreds of them, in Facebook groups set up to allow people to vent, support and advise each other on social services and child removal.  These strangers fuelled Zara's anxieties and made her situation seem hopeless, she says.  "I was being told that my child would be removed and the only solution was to leave the country and leave now," she says.

So when Zara was invited by a British woman in one of the Facebook groups to stay with her in France, outside UK jurisdiction, she seized the chance.  "She offered me a job and accommodation, and sold me a new life," she says.

Within four hours, Zara was in London taking her seat on a Eurostar train. She only had a small bag. She'd packed things for her baby, stuffed in enough underwear to last a week and found space for one change of clothes.  "It was absolutely mental and horrible. My heart was pounding and my head was a mess," she says.

"I didn't understand what I was doing, it was robotic. Pack, book my ticket, check, double-check.  Up until then, I was fighting to keep my baby in the UK, but then there was a shift. It was huge, drastic, frightening and life-changing."

After accepting the woman's invitation and booking her ticket, she was advised to contact a man called Ian Josephs.  Once a councillor in the UK, now a wealthy resident of Monaco, he runs a website where he campaigns against forced adoptions. He offers advice to people dealing with social services, or the family courts. He also sometimes provides financial help to families who run from the UK to countries such as France, Cyprus, Ireland and Spain. And for many, this makes him a hero testimonials on his website thank him for his assistance.  He said he would reimburse Zara's travel costs; if she showed him proof of social services involvement, travel receipts and evidence of her pregnancy, the money would be transferred once she was in France.  When Zara arrived at Paris's Gare du Nord station, the woman she had met online was there to greet her. It turned out she was pregnant too. They hugged as though they were old friends.  It was the height of summer and they set off on a long journey along "cute" country roads. Then the car came to a halt.  "We stopped in the middle of nowhere. I thought we were taking a break but was told the barn in front of me was my new home," Zara says.

But a few years had elapsed before she became pregnant with her third child, and this one she thought she might be allowed to keep.  "When I became pregnant for the third time it was a new beginning. I thought it was OK to move on and start again. I was living in hope," Zara says.  "I wanted to be the mum I was never allowed to be, because of abusive relationships and my volatile family situation."

She hadn't told her family about her pregnancy. The only people she felt she could speak to were strangers online - hundreds of them, in Facebook groups set up to allow people to vent, support and advise each other on social services and child removal.  These strangers fuelled Zara's anxieties and made her situation seem hopeless, she says.  "I was being told that my child would be removed and the only solution was to leave the country and leave now," she says.

So when Zara was invited by a British woman in one of the Facebook groups to stay with her in France, outside UK jurisdiction, she seized the chance.  "She offered me a job and accommodation, and sold me a new life," she says.

Within four hours, Zara was in London taking her seat on a Eurostar train. She only had a small bag. She'd packed things for her baby, stuffed in enough underwear to last a week and found space for one change of clothes.  "It was absolutely mental and horrible. My heart was pounding and my head was a mess," she says.  "I didn't understand what I was doing, it was robotic. Pack, book my ticket, check, double-check.  "Up until then I was fighting to keep my baby in the UK, but then there was a shift. It was huge, drastic, frightening and life-changing."

After accepting the woman's invitation and booking her ticket, she was advised to contact a man called Ian Josephs.  Once a councillor in the UK, now a wealthy resident of Monaco, he runs a website where he campaigns against forced adoptions. He offers advice to people dealing with social services, or the family courts. He also sometimes provides financial help to families who run from the UK to countries such as France, Cyprus, Ireland and Spain. And for many this makes him a hero - testimonials on his website thank him for his assistance.

He said he would reimburse Zara's travel costs; if she showed him proof of social services involvement, travel receipts and evidence of her pregnancy, the money would be transferred once she was in France.  When Zara arrived at Paris's Gare du Nord station, the woman she had met online was there to greet her. It turned out she was pregnant too. They hugged as though they were old friends.  It was the height of summer and they set off on a long journey along "cute" country roads. Then the car came to a halt.  "We stopped in the middle of nowhere. I thought we were taking a break but was told the barn in front of me was my new home," Zara says.

She readily admits that she has made bad choices, and she has a message for others in her situation.  "My first mistake was posting my life on social media forums and asking for help," she says.  "Fight your battles here, don't run away. If I hadn't fled my child may not have been taken from me and I wouldn't have been labelled a flight risk. I wish I had never gone.  I am sharing my story so someone else doesn't make the mistakes I made. Don't turn to people online who are going to give you bad advice. Don't be bullied into making decisions that you never wanted to make in the first place."

Zara and Kelly are pseudonyms