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Topics - Forgotten Mother

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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12154399/Scottish-woman-FINALLY-mother-53-25-years-trying.html

My miracle IVF baby at the age of 53: Scottish woman FINALLY becomes a mother after 25 years of trying and 21 rounds of gruelling failed fertility procedures costing almost ?100,000

    Helen Dalgish gave birth to her baby at the age of 53, after trying for 25 years

By Katie Foster For The Scottish Daily Mail

Published: 01:48, 3 June 2023 | Updated: 01:52, 3 June 2023

It's a time of life when most mothers are enjoying more time to themselves as their children get older with some having already become grandmothers.  But one Scots mother is delighted to postpone all that, having given birth to her 'miracle' baby at the age of 53 after 25 years of failed fertility procedures.  Helen Dalglish had endured 21 gruelling rounds of treatment at a cost of almost ?100,000.  Ms Dalglish, from Glasgow, underwent the successful IVF procedure that led to the birth of daughter Daisy Grace in Cyprus, where she lives with her partner.  Now 54, she has spoken of her joy at finally giving birth last year after refusing to give up on her dream.  She said: 'When you get that little miracle at the end, you forget about the 25 years.  I was looking down and the bump was getting bigger and I thought, 'Am I dreaming?' Even now, looking at her I can't believe I'm a mum. It's surreal.'

Ms Dalglish first moved to Cyprus in her 20s and originally began trying for a baby with her then husband when she was 28.  Diagnosed with 'unexplained' infertility, they underwent 20 years of privately-funded fertility treatment, including IVF, some of it in the UK.  Despite producing 'top quality' embryos, each attempt to get pregnant ended in failure.  Ms Dalglish admitted: 'Sometimes it got too much emotionally, physically and financially.  'Sometimes we stopped for a year or two. Because they said it was unexplained, we thought, 'We'll do some yoga, meditation, alternative health, because there's nothing stopping us. Maybe it'll just happen if we forget about it'.'

She added: 'Every one that fails, you're absolutely devastated. It's like a death.'

Ms Dalglish grew concerned because each time medics tried to transfer her embryos back into her womb, the procedure was unbearably painful, as though they were 'hitting a wall'.  More than a decade into her IVF journey, a different consultant said her severely tilted womb was to blame. After that, Ms Dalglish became pregnant three times but on each occasion suffered heartbreaking miscarriages.  She said: 'What kept me going was I just kept seeing this baby.'

Eventually she decided to use donor eggs instead of her own initially without success.  She then approached the Dunya IVF Fertility Centre in the city of Kyrenia. Now with another partner, she decided it was time to try again but following the death of her father in Scotland, she almost did not undergo the final procedure until her mother persuaded her to keep going.  The couple were stunned to conceive on their second attempt.  Ms Dalglish recalled: 'The two of us burst out crying and screaming. I think my dad must have had something to do with it.'

Describing her feelings after giving birth to Daisy Grace in September, she said: 'When we came home, I burst out crying. It felt like 25 years of grief trying to escape.  She seems the most placid, laid-back, happy baby. It's almost like I waited so long and now I'm being spoilt.'

Ms Dalglish's doctor Alper Eraslan said her determination would be an inspiration to others. He said: 'Even though it can be both psychologically and financially burdensome sometimes, with our support, knowledge and experience we are aiming to help women who want to have a healthy baby.  We are so happy to see women like Helen finally getting the chance to have their own children, and we will continue to do our best in helping other couples achieve this dream as well.'

17
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13155867/nightmare-ordeal-innocent-school-gate-mums-Satanic-paedophile-ring.html?ito=mailplus-newsletter-daily&utm_source=Sailthru&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Tuesday%2C%20March%205%2C%202024%20-%20Kate%20comeback&utm_term=MOL_MailPlus_daily_newsletter

Our nightmare by the four Hampstead mothers falsely accused of being satanic paedophiles: Middle class women who were forced to turn detective to jail their tormentors speak for the first time

By Kathryn Knight for the Daily Mail

Published: 02:17, 5 March 2024 | Updated: 07:19, 5 March 2024

There?s a photo on Anna?s phone which captures what she now knows to be the final day of normal life for her family: it shows her nine-year-old daughter making her way to school across a snowy Hampstead Heath.  ?When I looked back on that picture, I realised I had no idea then how much our lives were about to change,? Anna recalls. ?It was the last snapshot of life as we knew it.?

Because the next day February 5, 2015 Anna and her husband, along with other parents and staff at her daughter?s pretty North London primary school, found themselves caught in a nightmare.  Two young children of a fellow parent at the school in one of the wealthiest areas of London, home to celebrities including Jonathan Ross, Helena Bonham Carter and Dame Judi Dench had begun to make a series of extraordinary and horrifying allegations.  Anna was just one of the adults connected to the school accused by the brother and sister of being part of a Satanic paedophile ring that indulged in horrendous ritual abuse and murder.  So outlandish were these allegations among them that they were Devil worshippers who had sex with children, made child sacrifices and drank their blood it is hard to imagine that anyone could take them remotely seriously.  And it?s important to say here that those accused were entirely innocent. But this is the internet age, where there is a ready audience for everything.  And so, fuelled by conspiracy theorists, the lurid allegations went around the world. To say that it upended the lives of those involved is an understatement.  The names, addresses and phone numbers of the parents, school staff and pupils identified as being involved were published online, and they were inundated with death threats.  The parents were contacted by vigilantes saying they would snatch their children to take them to safety. Equally horrifyingly, paedophiles would ask about their children?s sexual preferences.  It was, Anna recalls, ?like being under siege?.

When they appealed to the police for help, they were told the harassers could not be prosecuted. Stymied, too, by internet giants doing little to shut down the relentless online content, it was left to the parents themselves to do what they could to protect their families.  Ultimately, it would take the determined and extraordinary efforts of four mothers in particular, who, working until the small hours, month in month out, meticulously gathered evidence that would lead to the prosecution of two of the most vocal online conspiracy theorists.  Now, for the first time, the mothers have told their story in a compelling Channel 4 documentary, Accused: The Hampstead Paedophile Hoax, which explores both the devastating impact of the allegations and their determined fightback.  ?For years we had to keep this dignified silence, because we were trying to build a legal case and we didn?t want to jeopardise that,? says Anna. ?Now, finally, we get to have our voice.?

A voice, yes, but not a face. Along with the other mothers who appear in the documentary, Anna is choosing to remain anonymous.  On film, their words are spoken by an actor, and they are referred to by pseudonyms. They are determined to protect the privacy of their now grown-up children.  For while the trolls who targeted them are quieter these days, they have not disappeared entirely: they are still out there, propagating their theories in dark corners of the internet.  ?They?re still there, trying to spread their poison,? as Jenny, another of the mothers, puts it.
 
The parents? bewilderment remains palpable.  ?There are many curveballs in life that you can predict, whether it?s a terminal illness diagnosis or the death of a loved one but being accused of being a satanic paedophile is not one of them,? Anna says.

A mother of one, Anna had been happily married for 18 years and running a business with her husband, when, back in February 2015, she along with some other parents of children in Year 5 at the Church of England affiliated primary they attended received an email saying allegations had been made against the school.  ?It said they had been investigated by the police and that the case was closed,? she recalls. ?It begged more questions than it answered, so I went straight onto the internet.?

Within five minutes, Anna had found footage of the two siblings one of whom, Abigail, was in her daughter?s class alleging that an organised cult was based at the school which indulged in horrors from paedophilia to baby sacrifice.  ?She mentioned our daughter by name, saying she got paid for sex in sweets and naming myself and my husband as her abusers,? Anna recalls. ?It was like walking through the looking glass.?

Abigail and her brother Joseph (as they are called in the documentary) were the offspring of a striking-looking mum called Ella Draper, a glamorous, Russian-born yoga teacher who had lived in London since the 1990s.  Separated from the father of her children, she had become involved with an older man called Abraham Christie, then 65. He, like Draper, had an interest in alternative therapies but was seen by many as a menacing presence in the playground, with parents claiming that he was intimidating.  It was under Christie and Draper?s direction that, in the summer of 2014, Abigail and Joseph had first made their bizarre allegations to the police of ?secret rooms? at the school and the adjoining church where torture and abuse unfolded.  But when police could find no evidence, they recanted, confiding that Abraham had beaten and pressured them into lying.  A bitter custody case with the children?s father ensued, with parents and teachers still, at this point, none the wiser about the fact they had been the subject of horrific allegations. That is until a woman called Sabine McNeill a virulent conspiracy theorist, since dubbed Britain?s worst online troll became aware of them.  With Draper?s blessing, in early 2015 McNeill released onto the web videos they?d made of the children making their claims, alongside personal details of 175 people allegedly involved.  It went viral.  ?We were just sitting at home watching this story explode worldwide,? says Jenny, whose only child, a boy, was also in Year 5.  ?It was massive. Global.? Anna recalls: ?I remember sitting on the floor in our bedroom thinking this isn?t going to go away. But I couldn?t even imagine what was to come.?

The fuse had been lit. Protesters began to gather at the school and the church, shouting obscenities at parents. Individual families received vicious death threats on their home phones and mobiles.  ?They would call us satantists, shout down the phone that we were f***ing and killing babies; that we were evil,? says Jenny.

Police told them to vary their routes home, and carry rape alarms, yet none of it was enough to shake the lingering menace.  Sarah, a lawyer in her 40s who also had a child in Abigail?s year, slept on her children?s bedroom floor for eight months until the family were able to move house.  ?Once our address was out there, I could not shake the thought that someone would come in and try to take them,? she says.

Jenny recalls being followed by a large group, chanting obscenities, as she picked up her son from a school cross-country race.  ?That was particularly disturbing, as this activity hadn?t been advertised, so it was clear that somehow they were tracking our movements.?

Naturally, the parents wanted to know why they?d been targeted.  ?I could not get my head around the fact that it was another mother who had made these allegations,? says Anna.

But when Sarah called to confront Ella Draper, she denied that she was responsible. Anna recalls: ?I said to her, can you please stop the bulls**t?  And she said: ?It?s not me. It?s been this blogger.??

What horrified the parents most was the potential damage to their children. It was impossible to protect them entirely from the unfolding drama, and Anna recalls her own daughter?s spiralling anxiety.  ?The fact that these lovely, nine-year-old children were the subject of such degrading content, which could potentially be there for ever,? says Jenny, ?was so violating.?

Some parents were contacted by paedophiles asking if they could hook up with their child because they ?liked sex?.  Again, the police said their hands were tied.  ?They pretty much admitted it was beyond their knowledge,? says Anna. ?There was this feeling that it would blow over, but to us it felt organised and targeted.?

?It was incredibly disappointing,? adds Sarah. ?We were quite clear that this was criminal activity. We even identified a list of up to 20 laws that were being broken. But no one would listen.?

Undeterred, the parents began to mobilise, determined to get social media giants to remove links to the children?s videos, and at the same time gather evidence against the trolls that could lead to their prosecution.  As they hit one brick wall after another, many parents fell away, leaving Anna, Jenny, Sarah and another parent, Alice, the only ones refusing to give up.  Anna admits now they were an unlikely alliance: while all had children in the same year, they were not close friends.  ?If this hadn?t have happened to us, we wouldn?t have been this tight group,? she says. ?But we now have a lifelong bond.?

It was an uphill slog, with door after door shut in their faces, from tech giants to the Information Commissioner?s Office, which deals with data protection. ?Their response was to suggest we should write to these people and ask them to stop,? says Sarah. ?Yet the police had told us not to engage.?

Only prosecution, the mothers believed, would send a message to those spreading the unfounded allegations across the web. And with the police still saying there was no case to bring, the mothers decided to build their own painstakingly compiling a dossier of evidence to bring them down.  It would take years.  ?Bear in mind that every one of us worked, as well as looking after our families,? says Anna. ?It meant sitting down come 10 o?clock at night, then working until the early hours, evidencing, evidencing, evidencing. And that was pretty much it for four years.?

?You can see from emails that I sent that I was working at 3 am, 4 am,? says Sarah. ?I wasn?t really sleeping. I lost a lot of weight.?

Jenny was forced to leave her job because of the allegations. ?Ultimately, it made me bad for business because I started to get directly targeted.  Emails were sent directly to my staff, saying, ?Did you know your boss has been accused of this?? It wasn?t that people weren?t sympathetic, but there was a feeling of being tainted by it.?

Sarah was in the process of applying for new roles when the scandal broke, and found herself rejected time and again.  ?It was all, ?You?re just what we?re looking for?, until it got to HR and suddenly they would come up with a story about why it wouldn?t work,? she recalls.

All admit their marriages came under strain.  Finally, in late 2018 more than three years after the allegations first broke there was a breakthrough.  Thanks to their assiduous gathering of tens of thousands of documents as evidence, Sabine McNeill was put on trial for stalking, harassment and breaching a restraining order.  The German-born pensioner was labelled an ?arrogant, malicious, evil and manipulative woman? by the sentencing judge, who jailed her for nine years the longest sentence ever handed down in a UK court for these offences.  Self-styled activist and blogger Rupert Wilson Quaintance, an American who had come to the UK a few months earlier, became obsessed with the case and threatened to ?kick doors down? and ?draw blood? from the parents.  He was jailed for nine months after being found guilty of putting people in fear of violence.  They were major victories, albeit bittersweet ones.  ?How do you go from being told there is ?no public interest? in bringing a case to someone being sentenced to nine years in prison?? asks Sarah. ?That tells you that this was a huge system failure.?

D raper and Christie fled the country in 2015. They?ve have been on the run ever since, believed to be in Spain.  Why they started the hoax is still a mystery. If it was part of Draper?s fight for custody against her ex-husband, it failed. After a period in care, Abigail and Joseph were reunited with their father.  Six years on from the prosecution of Sabine McNeill, the mothers have now returned to a degree of normal life.  The children who were in Year 5 back then are now 18 and embarking on adulthood relatively undamaged so their mothers hope by what happened.  ?I think we saved our kids, and I?m so grateful for that,? says Sarah. ?They were young and they couldn?t protect themselves.?

The women admit the ordeal changed them, leaving deep scars that will never fully heal.  You cannot go back to what you were, because that?s not the way life works,? says Sarah.

All agree that however bizarre and outlandish their experience may seem, no one is immune.  ?All the way along, the police said this could have happened to any parent, in any school, anywhere in the country, anywhere in the world,? says Anna.

?It just so happened that, unfortunately, it was us.?

Accused: The Hampstead Paedophile Hoax is on Channel 4 at 9pm on Monday.

18
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/us-news/were-putting-baby-up-adoption-32133469?fbclid=IwAR1q8-2GBRRyppqWvyrniR4Zr3hSD-5IPjcTkDhm8uoharK92vAGJXNIr_s#lt4ftmcvr1du1tigu

'We're putting our baby up for adoption she's not a good fit for the family'

A dad has sparked outrage after revealing he and his wife are putting their three-month-old daughter up for adoption because she's 'not a good fit' for their family

By Paige Freshwater Content Editor

14:01, 15 Feb 2024

A couple has sparked outrage after deciding to put their three-month-old baby up for adoption because she 'doesn't fit in well' with their family. The dad took to Reddit to share the shocking story, explaining that his wife, Catherine, 33, returned to work just two weeks after giving birth and their daughter, Elizabeth, is primarily cared for by her grandmother.  He said: "I go to work later than her [my wife] so I take morning duty, but she gets home earlier than I do so she takes evening duty. During the day, Elizabeth stays with my mother-in-law."

However, he noticed that Catherine was neglecting their newborn's emotional needs. "Catherine really doesn't have anything to do with her. Even if she is crying, unless it's for a real reason (like being hungry or wet), Catherine doesn't do anything to soothe her," the 35-year-old added.

"I know that babies sometimes cry for no reason and that picking Elizabeth up every time she cries could reinforce the crying, shouldn't she at least pick her up and soothe her a bit? Plus, even when she's not crying, Catherine doesn't interact with her."

Finding it hard to connect with their baby girl and longing for their old life back, the couple decided to put their three-month-old up for adoption. Before taking this step, the dad sought advice from Reddit users about the adoption process.  He asked: "I will be consulting a lawyer this week, but prefer to go in with some idea of what to expect. My wife and I wish to place our three-month-old daughter up for adoption. Are there any laws that could impact this process? Could members of our family file against our decision to adopt out? How long can we expect the entire process to take?"

Reddit users were taken aback and questioned how they came to this decision. The dad confessed that their daughter is "not a good fit for the family", and having a baby has made "taking holidays awkward for his wife".

He shared: "My wife broke the news to my mother-in-law of our decision to adopt. She reacted poorly, which is to be expected, and with a great deal of yelling. This did not endear her to my wife, who finds yelling annoying, but attempts to placate the yelling resulted in more yelling."

He continued: "In short, my mother-in-law first blamed her deceased ex-husband for my wife 'turning out like this' and then myself for our decision. I was called a number of names, and learned that my mother-in-law had disapproved of me from the start of the relationship, and otherwise trashed.  It went on to the point that Catherine eventually threatened to ensure my mother-in-law never saw our daughter again if she would not be reasonable. That quieted my mother-in-law enough for my wife to layout how the upcoming months would go."

The couple then told the mother-in-law she could adopt Elizabeth if she wanted, otherwise, she would be placed with another family. "Our daughter was going up for adoption; this was non-negotiable. My mother-in-law, having assisted in her care, could take custody if she so wished.  My sister-in-law would be a permissible alternate. Otherwise, we would pursue outside arrangements. As many predicted, my mother-in-law opted to assume custody herself and we started that process after Thanksgiving."

After hearing this, the mother-in-law took the three-month-old baby, left the house and stayed in a hotel. "Shortly thereafter, my sister-in-law called, in the end, she threatened to call the police if we attend [family gatherings]," he said.

"Communication from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law has been sparse since my mother-in-law left.  From what we know, she and Elizabeth are staying with my sister-in-law for the time being. Moving forward, we are cooperating as much as possible to ensure the transition of legal custody over Elizabeth goes smoothly.  My mother-in-law thus far refused any and all offers of financial aid, but we are prepared to [pay child support if/when the time arrives."

Some people praised him for 'saving his daughter from a lifetime of misery', while others criticised him for 'not even trying to be a parent' before giving up.  One person commented: "I don't understand why everyone is so mad. They're s****y parents and realise that. The kid is probably better off being put up for adoption."

Another said: "Therapy has not been tried by either parent. Therapy needs to be tried."

A third asked: "Now this is an odd situation. Would it be better for a pair of parents who are willing to send off their three-month-old child for whatever sociopathic reason to continue to raise said child, or should they go through with the adoption, preventing the child from being raised by a bunch of weirdos?"

19
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13127333/psychopathic-millionaire-vlogger-tortured-children-concentration-camp.html

Inside the world of the US millionaire mommy vlogger and her 'psychopathic' accomplice who 'tortured' her children in 'concentration camp' home while making a fortune from parenting videos

By Barbara Mcmahon

Published: 16:58, 26 February 2024 | Updated: 11:46, 27 February 2024

The call to emergency services came just after 11am on August 30 last year. The man?s voice on the tape can be clearly heard faltering and cracking as he holds back tears.  A terrified 12-year-old boy had just turned up at his home, he said.  ?He?s got [duct] tape around his ankles and his wrists. He?s hungry, he?s thirsty. He?s very afraid. This kid has obviously been detained he?s covered in wounds,? the caller said.

?This kid? was the youngest son of his neighbour, Ruby Franke, then living in an affluent suburb of ?Mormon County? Utah, in the US.  Franke had moved to the luxurious, $5.3million (?4.2million), five-bed, six-bathroom home with a five-car garage, hot tub, swimming pool and sweeping gardens, following the break-up of her marriage the previous year.  The property was owned by her mentor and business partner Jodi Hildebrandt, a licenced mental health counsellor and life coach, and was the last word in luxury.  The pair had worked hard for their good fortune: Franke, 42, was a highly successful ?mommy? video blogger and YouTube parenting expert, whose channel, at its height, attracted 2.3million subscribers earning the family an estimated $5million (?4million) over eight years from sponsored content, YouTube adverts and clothing sales.  Hildebrandt, 54, a divorced mother of two, charged clients up to $3,000 (?2,400) a month for her services. Together, the two women ran a separate YouTube channel and podcast called ConneXions, offering parenting and lifestyle advice.  But, for all their so-called ?expertise?, terrible acts of cruelty had been going on behind the veneer of wholesome, happy family life peddled on social media, cruelty that was exposed when Franke?s emaciated and traumatised son fled to a nearby house, pleading for help.  This week Franke and Hildebrandt admitted aggravated child abuse charges and were each sentenced to up to 60 years in prison for the ?concentration camp-like setting? in which they had held the boy and his equally malnourished and frightened little sister.  A shocked court room heard how the children were regularly denied food and water, forced to do hard manual labour in bare feet, kicked and held underwater, and told they were ?possessed? and ?evil? and needed to accept punishment as an ?act of love?.  ?I?ve had many strange cases in my career in family law, but this one is right at the top,? attorney Randy Kessler, who represents Franke?s estranged husband Kevin, the father of the couple?s six children, told the Mail.

?They had a bizarre mindset that just destroyed people. It was all about breaking people down, deflating their egos, humbling them and disciplining them. It was totally destructive.?

Franke was charged with intentionally inflicting and knowingly allowing another adult to inflict serious physical injuries on her two youngest children that prosecutors described as ?torture?.  Her son was made to carry boxes of books up and down stairs and forced to do outside labour without shoes and in the summer heat, resulting in serious sunburn and blistered skin.  He was punished when he secretly consumed water, given plain food like rice and chicken while others in the house ate tasty meals, and was isolated from other people and denied all forms of entertainment such as books, TV and electronics.  After he attempted to run away, his hands and feet were regularly bound, sometimes with handcuffs, ropes or duct tape.  Franke kicked him while wearing boots, held his head underwater and placed her hands over his mouth and nose.  Franke?s younger daughter was subjected to the same treatment, isolated and forced to do physical tasks, remain outside and denied food and water. She was also told repeatedly by the two women that she was evil and possessed and needed to go through punishments in order to repent, according to the charges laid by prosecutors.  The little girl was forced to run barefoot on dirt roads for extended periods of time when she was examined by doctors her feet were covered with scabs and blisters and was forced to jump into a cactus several times.  The roots of this disturbing case go back to 2015 when Franke launched a video blog documenting her and husband Kevin?s tough love parenting style on a YouTube channel called 8 Passengers, named after her, Kevin and their six children, now aged between 21 and ten.  It was wildly popular at first, but Franke?s strict parenting style began to draw criticism. In a 2020 video, the ?mumfluencer?s? teenage son revealed he was forced to sleep on a beanbag for seven months as a punishment for playing a prank on his brother.  In another video, shot as Franke sat in her car, she detailed how she was ignoring a message from her youngest daughter?s teacher, saying the then six-year-old had forgotten her packed lunch.  ?My hope is that she will be hungry and come home and say ?that was really painful being hungry all day, and I?ll make sure to always have a lunch with me,?? Franke said.

In a video posted later the same day Franke and her husband told concerned viewers the little girl was fed as soon as she returned home from school.  Another of the 1,000-plus videos of her family that Franke posted showed the children being made to mop floors, a punishment meant to ?really bring pain? but which ?didn?t work because they enjoyed it too much?.  One of the most controversial episodes was when Franke said her two youngest children would be receiving only one gift at Christmas a card called The Gift of Truth because of their ?long patterns of selfishness and egregious behaviour?.

The card would contain a list of attributes that would help the children set boundaries and repent for their selfishness, Franke claimed.  The episodes became so alarming that 18,000 people signed a petition asking Utah?s Division of Child and Family Services to investigate. They conducted a home visit the following month but found the children physically unharmed.  In an angry video, Franke posted she was ?very aware of people online that hate me and want to cancel me, or who would like to see me burn in hell or disappear off the face of the earth.? She added: ?I?m not going anywhere.?

In 2022 the Frankes began marriage counselling with Hildebrandt it is believed Ruby Franke found her future mentor online yet decided to split up the following year.  Hildebrandt, who has a master?s degree in educational psychology, had been a licensed clinical mental health counsellor since 2003, offering life-coaching and counselling services for marriage problems and addiction.  Yet, she was no stranger to controversy herself. In 2012, she?d been put on a period of professional probation for discussing a male patient with an alleged porn addiction with leaders in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (LDS) and Brigham Young University without her client?s permission.  Former patients described her as over-authoritative and aggressive and said that she operated her business like a multi-level marketing scheme, urging patients to recommend her to family and friends.  ?Jodi was a powerful LDS voice, and religious people in authority regularly recommended her counselling services to people in need,? says Jamie Belnap, a therapist who works in private practice in Heber City, Utah, and who followed the case closely.

?It?s hard to describe to someone who doesn?t understand the Mormon religion how significant the level of trust is for people in authority. Jodi capitalised on this. She made people believe she knew what was ?right? and what was ?wrong?.?  In her role as a mental health provider, Hildebrandt had numerous group client sessions for men and women, says Kessler.  ?With the men, she told them they were sinful, lustful and had too much ego, and that she had to break them down before they could return to their families,? he says.

?She reinforced that with the women?s groups too, pointing out their faults, and making them feel worthless and subservient, before saying she would build them back up again.?

The attorney said Hildebrandt convinced Franke and her husband last year that they should separate for a year, and Kevin left the family home.  It should be stressed that he has not faced any charges, has filed for divorce from his wife and hopes to regain custody of his four younger children who are in care.  Following the onslaught of criticism, Franke closed the 8 Passengers channel in 2022 and joined forces with Hildebrandt on ConneXions where she was listed as a ?mental fitness trainer?.  The pair also started a Facebook group called Moms of Truth and garnered 13,000 followers.  Meanwhile, neighbours were concerned that Franke?s four youngest children were often left alone at the family home in Springfield after their father moved out and Franke began to spend more time with Hildebrandt.  Eldest daughter Shari, who had cut ties with her family in 2022, told police that on one occasion her sisters and brother had been left alone for five days.  Franke began taking the two youngest children to Hildebrandt?s home until that day in August, last year, when the youngest boy decided he?d had enough.  Both women were charged with multiple counts of aggravated child abuse.  Franke has three sisters, two of whom Ellie Mecham and Bonnie Hoellein are also social media stars, documenting their families? lives, with 549,000 and 315,000 followers respectively.  After Franke and Hildebrandt?s arrest, Hoellein posted a video insisting the family had done ?as much as they could? to protect the children but they had been shut out.  ?I knew they were weird. I knew they were off. Those are the things that we kept quiet about because what was I gonna say? What was I gonna do? I was not going to come out publicly and say that I don?t like my sister. I am not my sister. I am not my sister?s mistakes.?

In the run-up to sentencing, Franke?s brother Beau Griffiths wrote a letter to the judge hearing the case, detailing his experiences with ConneXions, which he said he was roped into.  ?The program was by all definitions a cult,? he wrote. ?Ms Hildebrandt discouraged people from making their own life choices. A recurring theme was the principle of separation and isolation. I personally witnessed numerous marriage relationships separated through Ms Hildebrandt?s encouragement including, for a time, my own.  ?In Ruby?s case, I believe Ms Hildebrandt wanted Ruby?s platform and influence for her own gain.?

Franke?s parents Chad and Jennifer Griffiths also wrote to the judge in the hope of getting a lighter sentence for their daughter.  Writing from Serbia where they are on a Mormon mission, they said they noticed a shift in Ruby?s thinking in the summer of 2020 when she cut off all ties to them, her siblings and close friends.  ?She was delusional. She was so deeply brainwashed we could not recognise her,? they said.

In a bizarre pre-sentencing statement, Franke expressed her regret and remorse.  ?I was led to believe this world is an evil place filled with cops who control, hospitals that injure, government agencies that brainwash, church leaders who lie and lust, husbands who refuse to protect children and children who need [to be] abused. My choice to believe and behave this paranoia culminated into criminal activity, for which I stand before you ready to take accountability.?

Starting to cry, she addressed her children. ?To my babies, my six little chicks. I can see now that over the past four years I was in a deep undercurrent that led us to danger. I would never have led you to darkness knowingly. I was so disoriented I believed dark was light and right was wrong. I will never stop crying for hurting your tender souls.?

For her part, Hildebrandt said one of the reasons she pleaded guilty, and did not go to trial, was that she did not want the youngsters to relive the experience.  ?My hope and prayer is that they will heal and move forward to have beautiful lives. I?m willing to submit to what the state feels would be an appropriate amount of time served to make retribution as an outcome.?

Attorney Randy Kessler, for one, was unmoved by Hildebrandt?s saccharine words. ?Hearing Jodi say in court that she loved those children ? that?s psychopathic,? he commented.

Both women can expect to spend a long time behind bars but, under Utah law, they will serve no more than 30 years of their 60-year sentences.  As for the children, a long period of healing lies ahead. The oldest daughter, Shari, is now 21 and at university. She broke off all contact with her parents some time ago.  Typically, for a young woman whose childhood was documented on social media, she chose Instagram to break her silence.  ?Today has been a big day. Me and my family are so happy that justice is being served. We?ve been trying to tell the police and CPS for years about this, and so glad they finally decided to step up.?

She continued: ?Kids are safe, but there?s a long road ahead. Please keep them in your prayers and also respect their privacy.?

20
Articles / A Look at ?Respectful Adoption Language?
« on: February 25, 2024, 07:16:27 PM »
https://www.originscanada.org/adoption-practices/adoption-language/respectful-adoption-language/

A Look at ?Respectful Adoption Language?

Over the last 30 years, the adoption industry has developed terminology in order to help ?sell adoption,? even going to far as to admit that it is much like ?selling cars.? This terminology set is known as ?Positive Adoption Language? or ?Respectful Adoption Language.?

The term ?Respectful Adoption Language? is misleading, as the only parties who are respected in this terminology set are the adoptive parents and the adoption agencies.

What this language lacks is respect for people who were separated from loved ones by adoption:  mothers who grieve for their lost children; and adoptees who have lost their identities,  families, and often their culture and genealogy as well.  Their loss and experience is rendered invisible.

This lack of respect has been reinforced by employees and promoters in the adoption industry, who argued that it would be easier to promote public acceptance of adoption if one could first ?linguistically erase? mothers who lost their children to adoption.  One way that they did this was to create the term ?birth mother? to replace the original term ?natural mother.?

The terms ?birthmother? and ?birthparent? were first used by author, adoptive parent, and adoption promoter Pearl S. Buck in articles published in 1955, 1956, and 1972, to refer to the mothers of the children she had adopted or had wanted to adopt.

These terms then were promoted in the early 1970s by adoption business employee Marietta Spencer, who is the creator of ?Positive Adoption Language? or ?Respectful Adoption Language.?   She states in her 1979 article ?The Terminology of Adoption? that adoptive parents and the adoption industry should take control of adoption language:

?Social service professionals and adoptive parents should take responsibility for providing informed and sensitive leadership in the use of words. ? For professionals, the choice of vocabulary helps shape service content? (p. 451).

Spencer then clearly identifies the purpose of ?birth-terms?:   To strip natural mothers of their motherhood, their love for their children, and any recognition that they may still be related in any way to their lost children.

Adoption industry social workers Reuben Pannor, Annette Baran, and Arthur Sorosky promoted these terms as well in articles they published in 1974 through 1976.  Through these avenues, the social work profession began applying them into ?triad support groups;? and the burgeoning ?open records movement? felt that by using these terms (that suppress and deny the motherhood of natural mothers), they could perhaps enlist the support of adoptive parents and adoption agencies.  Some groups felt pressured to use ?birth terms.?  Author B.J. Lifton recalls:

? The reform movement tangled with the issue of language as early as the seventies. Lee Campbell, the founder of CUB, just reminded me that I argued for the term ?natural mother? because it was the one used in all the historical texts. It was the term I used in my memoir Twice Born, which came out in 1975.  And I still prefer it. But somehow the struggle with the agencies and adoptive parent groups narrowed down to ?birth mother? and ?biological mother.?

This new terminology set was intended to comfort the people who were adopting, as it was assumed that they wanted to be the sole parents of the child.  The original term ?natural mother? was to be eliminated by RAL as it implied that the child?s mother had not lost her mothering connection and relationship to her child.

Thus, the term ?birth mother? is intended to imply that mothers who were separated from a child by adoption *were* mothers at the time of their children?s birth but not afterwards, having a solely reproductive role in their children?s lives and history. Defining a woman this way reduces her as being nothing more than a breeder. This attitude towards unmarried mothers, as being living ?production units? or sources of babies for adoption, is also evident in the industry?s writings:

?Because there are many more married couples wanting to adopt newborn white babies than there are babies, it may almost be said that they rather than out of wedlock babies are a social problem. (Sometimes social workers in adoption agencies have facetiously suggested setting up social provisions for more ?babybreeding?)? from ?Social Work and Social Problems,? National Association of Social Workers, 1964.

?... the tendency growing out of the demand for babies is to regard unmarried mothers as breeding machines?(by people intent) upon securing babies for quick adoptions.? ? Leontine Young, ?Is Money Our Trouble?? National Conference of Social Workers, 1953.

As for the term ?birthfather,? it is a physical impossibility as men cannot give birth. Therefor, the male equivalent of ?birthmother? would have to be something just as ?ejaculation father.?  RAL proponents also suggest using ?sperm donor,? ?gene donor,? and ?biological stranger? for a father who has lost a child to adoption.

The terms birthchild,  birthson, and birthdaughter were coined to imply that the relationship of adoptees to their natural parents ended at birth, and thus the adoptee is a ?product? produced by unrelated ?breeders.?   This is intentional on the part of the industry, to ?sell? the idea that adoption is ?just like having a child of your own.?

The TRUTH is that in reunion, exiled natural parents and their lost children often find that the deep spiritual and emotional bonds between them have never been severed, despite years of separation.  Deep emotions of connection still exist, and family relationships can be restored.  Thus, the b-words are wishful thinking on the part of the industry (adoption lawyers, social workers and agencies).

As one natural mother states:

??Respectful Adoption Language? denies us any recognition that we are mothers, and by limiting our motherhood to the act of birth, it reduces us to being nothing more than breeders, valued only for performing a uterine function.  By denying that we are mothers, ?Respectful Adoption Language; denies that we are related to our children in any way, shape, or form.?

Many women who have lost children to adoption feel their loss to have been as traumatic as rape.  These mothers feel the trauma every time they hear the term ?birthmother,? as it denigrates them and other exiled mothers into being merely incubators for their children ? used and discarded after their babies were harvested from them.

In many support groups for exiled mothers and adoptees, members are beginning to become aware of the semantics of these words, and to by consensus use language that does not traumatize other members, and to not use language that was coined by the adoption industry in order to demean natural mothers or the mother/child relationship.   People separated by adoption are realizing the meanings of  the ?Respectful Adoption Language? terms created and imposed upon them by the industry, and are rejecting these labels. They are showing dignity and pride by reclaiming terms such as ?natural mother? and ?natural family? as ways of stating that the mother-child bond, their family relationship, did not end with birth, but has continued on, often despite decades of separation.
References:

    Baran, A., Pannor, R., and Sorosky, A. (November, 1974).  ?Adoptive Parents and the Sealed Records Controversy,? in Social Casework, 55, (1974), pp. 531-536.
    Baran, A., Pannor, R., and Sorosky, A. (1976).  ?Open Adoption,? in  Social Work, 21, pp. 97-100 (adapted from a paper presented in 1975)
    Buck, Pearl S.  (1955).  ?Must We Have Orphanages?? in Readers Digest, November 1955; Vol. 67, No. 403.
    Buck, Pearl S.   (1956).   ?We Can Free the Children,? in Women?s Home Companion, June 1956.
    Buck, Pearl S.  (1972).   ?I Am the Better Woman for Having My Two Black Children,? in Today?s Health, January 1972.
    Gerow, Darlene. (2002). ? Infant Adoption Is Big Business in America? (PDF)
    Lifton, B.J.  (September 12, 2006).  Personal correspondence with Origins Canada
    Pannor, R., Sorosky, A., and  Baran, A. (December, 1974).  ?Opening the Sealed Records in Adoption ? The Human Need for Continuity,? in  Jewish Community Service, 51 (1974), pp. 188-195.
    Sorosky, A., Baran, A., and Pannor, R. (January, 1974) ?The reunion of adoptees and birth relatives,? in  Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 3, pp. 195-206.
    Sorosky, A., Baran, A., and Pannor, R. (1975). ?Identity conflicts in adoptees,? in The American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 45 (January 1975), pp. 18-25
    Spencer, Marietta. (1979). ?The Terminology of Adoption.? in Child Welfare Vol. 58, No. 7, pp. 451-459.

21
https://stuyspec.com/article/the-damaging-effects-of-misrepresentation-of-adoption-in-the-media

The Damaging Effects of Misrepresentation of Adoption in the Media
Representations of adoption falsely shape mainstream attitudes.
Reading Time: 4 minutes
By Juliet Burguieres
Issue 8, Volume 113

From Superman to Annie, adoption is a part of the media we love. For many writers, adoption adds a level of complexity to their stories that appeals to audiences while still keeping a family-friendly tone. However, despite the large selection of stories involving adoption, only a few positively portray adoptees and their families.

Movies and TV shows like Stuart Little, The Owl House, Elf, and even the IMDb description of I Am the Night (about ?a teenage girl looking for her real father?) use the term ?real? to describe biological families. When characters interchangeably use ?real? and ?biological,? it suggests that the inverse is also true that ?fake? and ?adoptive? are the same. While this seems harmless, it proves that screenwriters are happy to exploit adoption stories. Even a minimal amount of research would find that the adoption community prefers the term ?biological family? over ?real family.?

Other shows, like Netflix?s Carmen Sandiego and Green Eggs and Ham, romanticize the issue of abandonment. In these shows, birth parents were forced to relinquish their children because they were involved in flashy crime organizations or were high-profile spies, respectively. These are irresponsible plotlines that may prompt adopted children to fantasize about another family out there that leads a glamorous life and is willing and able to care for them. Sadly, this is almost never the case. It sends the message that an adoptive family is like a placeholder for the ?real? one that an adopted child should search for.

In a more sinister manner, Orphan and its sequel Orphan: First Kill are horror movies about families who adopt a child only to learn that this ?child? is a homicidal grown woman. These films encourage parents to seemingly shield their biological children against the foreign threat, demonizing adopted children in favor of biological children. They suggest that adoption is dangerous and reinforce the idea that an adopted child is an outsider who does not belong.

Netflix?s The Umbrella Academy is another example that exemplifies the misunderstanding of the familial bonds adoption creates. The show depicts seven children whom an eccentric billionaire ?bought? because of their extraordinary superhuman abilities. Not only does the show promote the idea that adopted children are commodities, but the series also goes on to explore a romantic relationship between two of the adoptive siblings, which has rightfully elicited backlash.

However, some viewers justify these misrepresentations as attempts to create interesting media. As one article put it, The Umbrella Academy should be allowed to misrepresent adoption because ?the point? is to ?creat[e] compelling art.? This author believes that since the incestuous relationship ?presents a challenging dilemma for the characters,? it is okay to make people uncomfortable. This show and many others like it, decides to delegitimize the bonds formed in adoption in favor of a more dramatic plotline.

If you?re getting tired of this list, imagine how tired adopted families feel. My family adopted my sister almost eight years ago. Unfortunately, representations of adoptive families in mainstream media are often inaccurate. We try to protect my sister from watching media that misrepresents adoption, but it is hard. We are tired of digging through articles and spoiling plot lines to avoid showing my baby sister a degrading movie or show, which is all too common in much of the media currently produced for children.

Importantly, negative messages about adoption aren?t confined to the screen. For many of the harmful depictions of adoption in the media, my family has personal experiences that reflect the messages they promote. My sister was once on a Zoom playdate with a girl from her school when, out of nowhere, the girl began interrogating her about where her ?real family? was. My mother calmly informed the little girl that we were my sister?s ?real? family, but when she informed the child?s parents of the incident, they saw no issue with their child?s insensitive question. As a society, we have become accustomed to exploiting adoption with no regard to the pain it may cause.

A friend of mine once declared with confidence that my family had ?bought a baby.? Too shocked to explain why this was false, I simply responded that she was wrong. The incident was perhaps more disturbing than if she had said it out of malice. It proves the power of the media to distort how well-meaning people talk about adoption.

My family is tired of justifying our legitimacy we deserve just as much respect as biological families. The solution is all too simple: research. If writers simply learn the correct terminology to use and consider the message their stories of adoption promote, our media would be kinder and, in turn, children would stop growing up believing that adoption is ?sad? or that adopted families aren?t ?real.?

Websites like RainbowKids go to great lengths to explore the complexities of responding to questions about adoption. One great response to being asked if two siblings are ?real? siblings is to say ?They are NOW! (This clarifies that adoption makes us a real family.)? Articles from Adoption can give you other perspectives and opinions on adoption. HealthyChildren explains other facets of adoption and foster care that my article didn?t have the space to discuss. AdoptHelp has a comprehensive list of some terms to avoid when talking about adoption. By teaching oneself, anyone can help to create kindness and understanding. Simply using the right terminology can be the difference between alienating someone and accepting them. And for those already part of the adoption community, consider reading the articles for reaffirmation?there are people out there who recognize and accept you and your family.

Everyone has a role to play in creating a society that is more accepting of different families. I talked solely about adoption, and only from my perspective as the sister of an adoptee, but there are so many other stories to tell about non-traditional families. We must be thoughtful in our portrayals of different families and give them the basic respect they are due.

22
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13094483/father-smashed-adopted-daughters-head-wall-bad-temper.html

Father, 33, smashed two-year-old adopted daughter's head against a wall in a 'bad temper' after she squabbled with his 'favourite son' over ice cream as he is jailed for murder

    Zahra Ghulami suffered a skull fracture at the hands of Jan Gholami
    He claimed she had fallen down the stairs while he was at the supermarket
    Judge blasts the father for his attack on the 'vulnerable and defenceless' child

By Jon Brady and James Callery

Published: 07:52, 17 February 2024 | Updated: 13:10, 17 February 2024

A father who killed his two-year-old adopted daughter by smashing her head against the wall lashed out after she fought with his 'favourite son' over ice cream.  Zahra Ghulami suffered a skull fracture caused by 'significant impact' at the hands of Jan Gholami, 33, at their home in Gravesend, Kent, in May 2020. He has been jailed for a minimum of 23 years and six months.  The girl, who Gholami adopted from Afghanistan, was taken to hospital on May 27, 2020 and died two days later; Gholami sought to claim to jurors she had fallen down the stairs while he was at Tesco.  Prosecutor Sally Howes KC told Maidstone Crown Court there had been a 'rivalry' between Zahra and Gholami's son and that the pair had squabbled about going for ice cream before Gholami stepped in and took out his 'bad temper' on the child.  Gholami told jurors that she had fallen down the stairs while he was at Tesco and was vomiting when he got home. A disturbing image was shown to the jury of Gholami carrying Zahra to hospital.  Jurors convicted Gholami of murder in a majority verdict of 10 to two after deliberating for nearly 20 hours at Maidstone Crown Court on January 9.  Gholami, of Oak Road, Gravesend, was also unanimously found guilty of child cruelty and was sentenced to a minimum of 23 years in prison.  His wife, Roqia Ghulami, was cleared of murder during the trial but was also found guilty of child neglect unanimously by the jury.  The 32-year-old, of Oak Road, Gravesend, was also sentenced to two years in prison at Maidstone Crown Court on Friday. She did not give evidence in court but told police she thought Zahra fell down the stairs.  During the trial, Zahra was described as a 'bright, intelligent' child who was 'highly curious' and wanted to find out about everything.  Zahra was admitted to the A&E department at Darent Valley Hospital in Dartford on May 27, 2020, during the first coronavirus lockdown.  She was later transferred to a hospital in London, but tragically died two days later.  The girl's cause of death was given as a severe head injury and skull fracture by Professor Charles Mangham, an osteoarticular pathologist.  When he was arrested by police, Gholami produced a receipt from the supermarket in an attempt to prove his innocence.  He told officers: 'Why are they taking me to a police station? What have I done? I have enough worries. My child is in a coma.  I don't know anything about what happened to the child because I was not at home. I was at Tesco. I don't know what happened.'

He added: 'I am a Muslim. You can't blame me for these things. There are cameras. Whatever happened I was not at home.'

Jurors were told Gholami, originally from Afghanistan, came to the UK in January 2016 while Ghulami was still in Afghanistan with their children.  The couple adopted Zahra in 2017 after Gholami's friend, Zahra's father, felt unable to look after her after his wife died in childbirth.  This happened when Ghulami was in Afghanistan and the adoption was approved by village elders.  In January 2019, Gholami applied for asylum for Ghulami from the UK, and she arrived with the children to join him.  The 32-year-old, of Oak Road, Gravesend, was also sentenced to two years in prison at Maidstone Crown Court on Friday. She did not give evidence in court but told police she thought Zahra fell down the stairs.  During the trial, Zahra was described as a 'bright, intelligent' child who was 'highly curious' and wanted to find out about everything.

Zahra was admitted to the A&E department at Darent Valley Hospital in Dartford on May 27, 2020, during the first coronavirus lockdown.  She was later transferred to a hospital in London, but tragically died two days later.  The girl's cause of death was given as a severe head injury and skull fracture by Professor Charles Mangham, an osteoarticular pathologist.  When he was arrested by police, Gholami produced a receipt from the supermarket in an attempt to prove his innocence.  He told officers: 'Why are they taking me to a police station? What have I done? I have enough worries. My child is in a coma.  I don't know anything about what happened to the child because I was not at home. I was at Tesco. I don't know what happened.'

He added: 'I am a Muslim. You can't blame me for these things. There are cameras. Whatever happened I was not at home.'

Jurors were told Gholami, originally from Afghanistan, came to the UK in January 2016 while Ghulami was still in Afghanistan with their children.  The couple adopted Zahra in 2017 after Gholami's friend, Zahra's father, felt unable to look after her after his wife died in childbirth.  This happened when Ghulami was in Afghanistan and the adoption was approved by village elders.  In January 2019, Gholami applied for asylum for Ghulami from the UK, and she arrived with the children to join him.

23
Articles / The UK?s forced adoption scandal was state-sanctioned abuse
« on: February 10, 2024, 11:42:27 AM »
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/may/27/uk-forced-adoption-state-sanctioned-abuse-unmarried-mothers

The UK?s forced adoption scandal was state-sanctioned abuse

Gaby Hinsliff

Unmarried mothers were treated with contempt by authorities in the mid-20th century. The same goes for people deemed not to matter today

When Ann Keen gave birth, the midwives refused to give her anything for the pain. That way, they told her, she would remember it and learn not to be so wicked again. To be treated like an animal in labour, denied the most basic compassion and respect, was simply part of the punishment she had supposedly earned for getting pregnant out of wedlock aged 17. The hospital discharged her without any follow-up care, as if the birth had never happened. But the most grievous part of the story is that she also went home without her baby.  For Keen is one of a still unknown number of unmarried British women coerced into handing over their newborns for adoption between the 1950s and the late 1970s, who are now seeking an apology from Boris Johnson on behalf of the governments of the day. But perhaps just as importantly, they want it acknowledged that they didn?t give their children up willingly. Some were told that if they loved their babies they would want them raised by respectable married couples, not under the shadow of illegitimacy.  Instead of being briefed about the financial support to which they might be entitled, they were warned that keeping the baby would bring great hardship on their families. And while some consented to adoption under this kind of duress, others say forms were simply signed on their behalf by parents or so-called ?moral welfare workers? supervising adoptions. They became, in effect, an unwilling human production line of babies for adoption by couples considered more deserving by virtue of their wedding rings. The grief for the mothers must have been lifelong, and for many it was handed down a generation when their children grew old enough to understand and be disturbed by what had happened.  Oppressive morality, cloaked in religion, is the obvious explanation for how such unthinkable things could have happened. Pregnant teenagers such as Keen would be shipped off by their mortified parents to church-run mother-and-baby homes to hide them from the neighbours, and adoptions were often arranged through church-run agencies; the head of the Catholic church in England and Wales has already apologised for what he called the ?hurt? caused by agencies acting in its name. Yet the long history of shame being weaponised against women in the name of organised religion is really only half the explanation for cruelty meted out not in some secretive Magdalene laundry, but to women giving birth inside British NHS hospitals, who were singled out as different from other mothers. It was effectively state-sanctioned abuse and in a week when much of the country is understandably preoccupied instead with a much more recent failure of the state, it carries urgent lessons.  When Ireland?s taoiseach apologised recently for the ?profound generational wrong? done to survivors of Irish mother and baby homes, following a public inquiry that exposed horrific brutality, some responded with a striking anger. They didn?t want to be told that ?society? or the culture of the time was to blame; they wanted names, audit trails, a forensic examination of government decisions and processes that had allowed this to happen. The British mothers have been refused a public inquiry, but seek the same recognition that this was fundamentally a failure of the state, something Keen understands perhaps better than most.  Astonishingly, the teenager who was slapped for crying out when the doctor stitched her up after the birth grew up to be a nurse, then a Labour MP, and finally as health minister under Gordon Brown an advocate for dignity and compassion in healthcare. But it?s a principle that matters much more widely in public life.  At the heart of almost every account of a public scandal I have read are people who have somehow become dehumanised in the eyes of officialdom; whose feelings were deemed not to matter.  This particular, often unthinking breed of contempt is there in accounts of how police officers yawned through interviews with Girl A, the gang-raped victim of child sexual exploitation in Rochdale, whose case was initially dropped because they considered her trouble: promiscuous, damaged, not a credible witness. It?s there in the shocking stories of the Windrush generation?s treatment at the hands of the Home Office, and in accounts tumbling out in the wake of the Grenfell Tower fire about how residents? safety fears were dismissed.  And it was lurking too behind Dominic Cummings? account of Boris Johnson allegedly grumbling that ?only 80-year-olds? were dying of Covid, as if their lives were regarded somehow as lesser. The nature of who is and isn?t deemed to count may change with the passing decades, but the lesson remains the same; that all too often, terrible things start with a failure of the state to treat every citizen as though they matter.

*  Gaby Hinsliff is a Guardian columnist

24
https://www.irishcentral.com/news/redress-mother-and-baby-home-survivors-delayed?utm_campaign=IC%20Daily%20-%20Jan%2029%20-%202024-01-29&utm_medium=Email&_hsmi=291808461&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_GkI8nHOVcgoz4At1LxWChSs3E0fiz8057yiS8MsNM2UjlSCsAmBB2vWC3yt4aSIMNYPtEn4eq3pRp7AAJ_Y4nXmmLBT-ik0FGF-ZQLwE_SCZ0_OQ&utm_content=Story1&utm_source=HubSpot

Redress payments for Mother and Baby Home survivors continue to be delayed
The Department of Children has stated that opening a redress scheme as soon as possible remains a "top priority",
@IrishCentral
Jan 29, 2024

Mother and Baby Home survivors continue to wait for redress payments three years after Ireland's Mother and Baby Home Commission of Investigation recommended compensation for survivors.  The Department of Children has stated that opening a redress scheme as soon as possible remains a "top priority", according to the Irish Examiner.  The Department added that the redress scheme, which was due to be rolled out by the end of 2023, is set to open in Q1 of 2024.  However, the Examiner reports that survivors are still waiting to receive the green light to apply.  UCC law professor Conor O'Mahony described the delay as "simply unfair" to aging survivors.  In 2021, the Commission of Investigation into Mother and Baby Homes recommended compensation for survivors in its final report and the Irish Government subsequently appointed a financial assessor to negotiate with seven religious institutions about compensation.  However, there is no legal framework compelling the religious orders to negotiate, according to the Examiner.  O'Mahony told the publication that the Government could open the scheme to survivors while negotiations are ongoing.   "There's no need to wait until any contributions are handed over, just open the scheme and have it up and running," O'Mahony told the Irish Examiner.

The Commission's five-year inquiry, which was led by former judge Yvonne Murphy, found that over 9,000 children died in 18 institutions run by seven different religious orders between 1922 and 1998, double the mortality rate among children in the general population.  The final report also detailed shocking experiments and physical abuse carried out in the different institutions and recommended financial compensation for survivors.   Up to 34,000 people are eligible for compensation, but the scheme has faced criticism because it excludes certain categories of survivors, including babies who spent less than six months in an institution and those who were fostered out to local families. O'Mahony said the Irish Government is attempting to lay financial responsibility on the seven religious orders as well as maintaining public finances.   The seven religious orders include the Bon Secours sisters, the Daughters of Charity of St. Vincent de Paul, Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and Mary, Our Lady of Charity of the Good Shepherd, the Sisters of Mercy, the Sisters of St John of God, and lay organization the Legion of Mary.  Children's Minister Roderic O'Gorman has sought financial contributions from each religious order, but only the Bon Secour nuns, who ran the Tuam Mother and Baby Home in Galway between 1925 and 1961, have agreed to contribute to the redress scheme.  However, the Examiner reports that no deal has been secured with the Bon Secours nuns.  Peter Mulryan, a 79-year-old man who spent four years at the Tuam Mother and Baby Home before being fostered out to a family that abused him, labeled the delay as a "disgrace".  "The whole thing is a disgrace. I have never, ever received a penny from the State for the abuses and neglect I suffered," Mulryan told the Examiner.  There isn't a sign of anything. I am disgusted with it to be honest, what they are doing to us, they are playing a game of wait and die so they have less to give a few euros to."

Mulryan added that the delays were "prolonging our agony" and said he is skeptical that redress payments will be made this year.  "They say they are giving us redress this year, I take that with a pinch of salt, how many times did they promise this that, and the other?"

25
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/us-news/i-regret-adopting-daughter-feel-31947707

'I regret adopting my daughter I feel like I'm babysitting a stranger's kid'

A mum has sparked outrage after admitting she regrets adopting her daughter as she has never loved her as much as her biological children and still sees her as 'someone else's child'

By Paige Freshwater Content Editor

13:38, 23 Jan 2024Updated15:05, 23 Jan 2024

A mum has caused a stir by confessing she regrets adopting her daughter, admitting she's never loved her as much as her biological children. She shared her story on Reddit, explaining that after having her son through IVF, she chose to adopt for her second child.  However, she confessed she's never been able to bond with her adopted daughter and over time, even began to resent her. The woman wrote: "So years ago before the birth of my first son, I was told it would be hard for me and my husband to conceive. We went through IVF and eventually I gave birth to my son.  A few years later we wanted another child but didn't want to have to go through the time and expense we did the last time with our son. So we decided to adopt. We adopted this beautiful baby girl whose parents were too young to raise her themselves. I loved her so much and treated her no different but I've never had the feeling she's my own. I often feel like I'm babysitting someone else's child. I feel terrible but I can't help it.  I've tried forcing myself to feel it but I just don't. She's 15 now and I've never felt a connection with her."

But four years ago, the woman discovered she'd fallen pregnant naturally - and was expecting another girl. This only strained her relationship with her adopted daughter further, as she started to feel more excluded from the family.  "We were so surprised since it just happened naturally and we found out it was going to be a girl. During the pregnancy, my hormones were all over the place and I started hating my adopted daughter because I felt if I had just waited then I wouldn't have to have had her. When my daughter was born everything just felt right. I felt a proper connection like with my son and I bonded straight away."

In search of sympathy, she confessed: "I sound horrible but adopting her was a massive mistake. I wish I could go back in time. I love her to pieces but unfortunately not as much as my biological children. I hate myself for it since I promised her parents I'd love her no different and I feel like I've let everyone down."

To this, one Reddit user replied: "Therapy for you. Under no circumstances tell your daughter that you don't love her as much as your bio kids, though that's something that's not hard to miss. Reach out to her birth family, if they're decent people and you haven't maintained contact, and see if they'd be interested in spending more time with her. This girl deserves to be enthusiastically cared for and loved by the people in her life. What about your husband? Does he feel the same way?"

Another person commented: "Since you already had a biological child you shouldn't have adopted. I have heard lots of adoptees say they have always felt like they were competing with the biological child of the adoptive parent. I will say at least you have the courage to be honest, which is rare among adoptive parents. Does the child have any interaction with her birth family? Perhaps if she had a good relationship she could go back to them."

A third person chimed in: "I really hope your adoptive daughter doesn't know how you feel. Have you looked into professional help for yourself to dissect what's going on and why you haven't allowed yourself to bond? There are so many techniques out there that could have been used to create that bond. I know because I used some of them when I struggled to bond with my adoptive daughter. They worked. I feel so upset on behalf of your 15-year-old. I hope she never finds out and that you've said this because you want things to change.  You can work to repair and create that bond rather than dwelling on the past and your own anger and regret. I hope you haven't damaged her through any perceptible emotional distance on your part. How dreadfully sad that you still feel you are babysitting someone else's child after all these years. Please stop dwelling on what might have been and step up to being the best parent you can be to her by seeking help if need be."

26
Articles / New rights for UK donor babies as they turn 18
« on: January 30, 2024, 08:08:35 PM »
https://medicalxpress.com/news/2023-10-rights-uk-donor-babies.html

OCTOBER 3, 2023

New rights for UK donor babies as they turn 18
by Helen ROWE

Around 30 young adults conceived via sperm or egg donation in the UK will soon be able to discover the identity of their biological parent.  The new rights come as rising numbers of children are being conceived using the technology, posing a range of challenges for the children, their families and donors.  The UK law removed the anonymity of egg and sperm donors in 2005 and gave children the right to receive basic information about them when they reached 18.  With the first children covered by the legislation turning 18 this month, they will finally be able to request details such as the donor's full name, date of birth and last known address.  Advances in fertility treatment methods and changing social attitudes have seen an increasing number of donor-conceived children being born not just to people facing fertility challenges but also same-sex couples and women in their late forties and even fifties.  Initially the numbers of children who will have the right to know will be small, with just 30 people becoming eligible between now and December this year.   Data from the UK's Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority (HFEA) shows that will rise to more than 700 people by the end of 2024, increasing to 11,400 by 2030.  According to the latest available figures from the regulator of fertility treatment and research using human embryos, 4,100 UK births around one in 170 were the result of donor conception in 2019.

Few months off

The cut-off point for the legislation has left some donor-conceived people disappointed that the identity of their donors will remain a mystery.  "I'm happy for the people who want to find out but I'm also a little annoyed that I was a couple of months off, so I won't have the chance," 19-year-old student Jamie Ruddock, from Brighton on England's south coast, told AFP.

Ruddock said he had known for as long as he could remember that he had been donor-conceived and while he was not looking for another father figure he was still curious.  His older brother along with their father had begun looking for the donor via a DNA ancestry testing service but had not had any success.  "My brother definitely has a bigger sense of curiosity than I do but if my brother finds him I would like to have a conversation with him," he said.

People in the UK conceived by egg or sperm donation will now be able to trace their biological parents.  Nina Barnsley, director of the UK's Donor Conception Network, said many of those eligible to ask for the information might not even be aware of how they were conceived.  When new techniques such as artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization (IVF) were first introduced some four decades ago, infertility was something of a taboo subject and parents often did not tell children how they were conceived.  But for many years now, psychologists have advised families to be open with the information as early as possible.  Others might not have realized the significance of the legislation or have other priorities.

'Incredible gift'

"Certainly in terms of our donor-conceived young people, many have got far more important things going on in their lives with exams and girlfriends and boyfriends, travel and work and other challenges," said Barnsley.

"Being donor-conceived may well just be low on the list of interests."

Having the right to access the information, however, could still be important to them in the longer term, even if it also brought potential challenges.  Some parents would inevitably be "anxious about making the donor into a real person in their lives and how their children would feel," she said.

At the same time many were also "curious about these donors and wanted to thank them to acknowledge their contribution towards helping them make their families," she added.

Donors are being urged to get in contact with the clinic where they donated and make sure their details are up to date.  "This is a very important time for young adults who were conceived by the use of donor sperm or eggs. Many will hope to find out more about their donors as they reach 18," said Professor Jackson Kirkman-Brown, chair of the Association for Reproductive and Clinical Scientists (ARCS).

He said it was important that donors too reach out for support and guidance to help them navigate any approaches.  "Being a donor is an incredible gift and alongside the sector ARCS are keen to recognize and support those who enable people to have the families they desire," he added.

27
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/jan/09/real-taboo-include-birth-trauma-in-uk-womens-health-strategy-mp-urges

?Real taboo?: include birth trauma in UK women?s health strategy, MP urges

Theo Clarke shares own experience and says large number of people contacted inquiry into birth trauma after call for evidence

Birth trauma remains a ?real taboo? and should be part of the UK government?s women?s health strategy, an MP leading an inquiry into the subject has said.  On Tuesday, the all-party parliamentary group on birth trauma launched an inquiry, led by the Conservative MP, Theo Clarke, and Labour?s Rosie Duffield, looking into the causes behind traumatic births and to develop policy recommendations to reduce the occurrence of birth-related trauma. The inquiry is open to parents and professionals in the maternity field, and is expected to report on its findings in April.  Clarke, the MP for Stafford, said she was ?delighted? to be launching the first parliamentary inquiry into birth trauma, and said the topic was ?long overdue for discussion within parliament?.

?I was amazed that literally within the first five minutes of announcing the call for evidence on social media we already had submissions into our inquiry inbox, probably the quickest response I?ve ever had to anything I?ve announced as an MP in my career,? Clarke said.

?That really shows how incredibly important this subject is and how mums in the UK feel that they need to be listened to and they want their stories to be heard.?

Clarke was inspired to launch the inquiry after needing emergency surgery and thinking she was going to die after the birth of her daughter in 2022. ?I gave birth to my daughter last year and had a third-degree tear, which is a very significant birth injury, and which resulted in me having a huge surgery,? she said.

Between 25,000 and 30,000 women experience PTSD after birth in the UK, according to the Birth Trauma Association.  The inquiry is currently collecting written and oral evidence to inform the policy report. The report is due to put forward policy recommendations for the government and will be published April 2024.  Evidence will be heard over several sessions between February and March. Its main objectives will be to ?identify common features in maternity care (antenatally, during labour and birth, and postnatally) that contribute to birth trauma, highlight examples of good practice, both in the quality of maternity care and in providing support to women who have had traumatic birth experiences, and to look at the impact of birth trauma on women?s relationships, ability to bond with their baby and future decision-making?.

The inquiry said they particularly welcomed submissions ?from people from marginalised communities such as those who are racially minoritised, LGBT, economically disadvantaged, homeless, asylum-seeking or displaced, care-experienced, neurodivergent or facing any other circumstances [that mean] their voice is less likely to be heard?.

Clarke spoke of her own experience during a Commons debate on birth trauma in October, and said the reaction to her speech showed just how important the issue was to many people in the UK.  She said: ?There is such a focus on the baby post-birth that we sometimes forget about the mums and the fact that they need care too. And I was really amazed when I shared my personal story last year the huge amount of people that contacted me from across the country that shared their own difficult stories.  It was very clear to me that there was a real taboo about talking about birth trauma, and people felt that they couldn?t share with friends or colleagues at work if they had had a birth injury or had mental psychological distress based on giving birth.?

Separate to the inquiry, Clarke has called on the government to consider birth trauma as part of the women?s health strategy update next week, because ?it is recognised and included?.

28
Articles / Police investigated child abuse claims at Whitgift last year
« on: January 22, 2024, 11:28:06 AM »
https://insidecroydon.com/2024/01/20/police-investigated-child-abuse-claims-at-whitgift-last-year/

Police investigated child abuse claims at Whitgift last year
Posted on January 20, 2024 by insidecroydon   

The Met has confirmed that they followed up complaints about sexual abuse at the ?47,000 per year boys? private school, after pictures and messages were shared on social media, which may have contributed to the suicide of a former teacher. By STEVEN DOWNES

A public relations firm was hired last year to provide ?crisis management? as the Metropolitan Police  investigated allegations of sexual abuse of boys attending the ?47,000 per year Whitgift School.  At least two Whitgift teachers left their jobs abruptly and under suspicious circumstances, one of whom who cannot be named for legal reasons was accused of having hacked into the school?s computer system in order to access contact details for former pupils.  Others, without any direct involvement in the alleged misconduct, were dragged in to the growing scandal, with one former teacher committing suicide as a consequence.  The police investigation was being carried out last year just as another former Whitgift teacher, Paul Dodd, was being sentenced to four years in prison after being found guilty of sexual abuse charges dating back to the 1980s, some that had involved boys as young as 10 years old.  Whitgift School is one of three private schools run by the Whitgift Foundation, the owners of the Whitgift Centre shopping mall in Croydon town centre and the borough?s biggest land owners. The Whitgift Foundation is registered as a charity and is closely connected to the Church of England: according to its most recent annual report lodged with the Charity Commission, eight of its Court of Governors were appointed by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby.  The Foundation has begun to suffer significant financial pressures, after more than a decade of waiting for Westfield to conduct a massive regeneration project on properties it owns in Croydon town centre. The Foundation has even decided to close down one of its private schools, the Old Palace girls? school.  But last year the charity, with its then chief executive absent on long-term sick leave, decided to hire an expensive PR firm to help it navigate the significant reputational issues arising from paedophile scandals emerging from Whitgift School.  Sources close to the Foundation and Whitgift School have assured Inside Croydon that the departure of Chris Ramsey, the headmaster who is to stand down in July, as was exclusively revealed by this website this week, is entirely unconnected with the latest set of abuse claims.  Ramsey, a linguist by vocation and a Spanish speaker, is leaving to become head of an international school in Madrid.  ?The opportunity to run an international school overseas, which as a linguist he has always wanted to do, has come unexpectedly, and it is a great shame for the school, but it is an enormously attractive move for Chris and one which governors have agreed he should take,? the Foundation said after iC had revealed that Whitgift?s headmaster was leaving.

Meanwhile, the Metropolitan Police has confirmed to Inside Croydon that Whitgift School was subject to an investigation into allegations of suspected grooming of children.  On Wednesday, January 3 [2023] police received a third-party allegation of suspected online sexual communication with a child that was alleged to have taken place during December 2022.  A police investigation was carried out and no offences were identified.  The investigation was closed with no further action. However, should any further information be provided to officers, this will be assessed.?

Parents of pupils at the school, and others connected to Whitgift, have contacted Inside Croydon this week to express deep concerns about the school?s response to safeguarding issues.  Reports in the national press have quoted a former Whitgift pupil and ex-governor of the school alleging ?inappopriate behaviour by teachers over a 40-year period?.

They said, ?If anything at all cropped up they would just try to smother it and move on, it was all about reputational risk.  The reports appeared in the Daily Express, who related that Whitgift School refuted any suggestion of cover ups, stating ?it has worked with the relevant authorities and within regulations of the relevant time to investigate and report any incidences reported to it?.

?Fundamentally, it?s always been about cover-up.?

The Express claimed to have interviewed at least 10 people associated with Whitgift, prompted by recent allegations relating to the actions of teachers on social media, some of whom it was alleged were having sexual relationships with former students.  Despite the police involvement, Whitgift School did not advise parents of the allegations until six days after they were approached by a newspaper reporter. On July 19 last year the school wrote to parents claiming ?all of these matters have been thoroughly investigated?.

Convicted: child abuser Paul Dodd

What Whitgift School and the Foundation was not able to do was cover-up the historic abuse case involving Paul Dodd, which after neary 40 years was to be placed firmly in a public spotlight when the former history and games teacher was hauled into the dock to face charges relating to his abuse.  It was in the late 1980s that the then Whitgift headmaster, David Raeburn, received allegations that Dodd had taken a 10-year-old boy into the school changing rooms alone, had him strip naked and stared at his genitals.  As Inside Croydon reported at the time of Dodd?s trial at Gloucester Crown Court last year, Raeburn did not go to the police when this was reported, deciding instead to deal with the matter internally.  Dodd remained at the school and was allowed to take boys on trips. Dodd isolated a further two boys and abused them. One victim of abuse, interviewed late last year by the Express, accused Dodd of using the school?s rules to empower his abuse of young boys.  It was school policy to have a teacher in the changing rooms and showers to ?oversee? boys getting washed. As was documented in the criminal case against Dodd, another rule forced boys to wear swimming trunks under their shorts or nothing when playing rugby. Underpants were not permitted for rugby.  ?When Paul Dodd was involved,? the Express reported, ?these policies were used as cover for abusing children.?

The court heard how Dodd locked a child of 11 or 12 in a room before lifting his boxers to stare at his penis. Another 10-year-old victim was taken to a quiet area where the Whitgift teacher grabbed and squeezed his genitals.  A report of the final incident did prompt Raeburn to act. Dodd was sacked, the assault was reported to police and the Department for Education. Dodd left the country, to take up teaching posts in New Zealand, until he was discovered assaulting boys there, too.  ?Dodd?s crimes were unforgivable, and our thoughts are with those impacted by them,? a spokesperson for the school and the Foundation told the newspaper.

?It is critical that matters such as these, regardless of their historic nature, are thoroughly investigated and that justice is served.  The School assisted the police and relevant authorities throughout their enquiries and we are grateful for their work in bringing this man to account."

Roll of honour: eight of the members of the Whitgift Foundation?s Court of Governors were appointed by the Archbishop of Canterbury, according to the charity?s latest annual report.

?We are absolutely committed to our safeguarding responsibilities and we will ensure any allegation is passed to the authorities. It is important to us that those who have suffered feel able to come forward and we will provide appropriate support.?

More recent allegations of misconduct and abuse have taken a tragic toll. While at least two members of staff left Whitgift following the computer hacking allegations, one of the teachers named in the allegations ultimately took their own life.  Parents have expressed their distress and disquiet over how a popular and gifted physics teacher, Dr Kevin Ralley, became implicated in the Whitgift scandal.  Dr Ralley had left Whitgift and had been teaching at KCS Wimbledon at the time of his death.  Concerns had begun after images from an account that appeared to be connected to a teacher started to circulate on social media. As well as containing pictures of one member of staff in a state of undress, the posts made serious allegations about two other teachers at Whitgift.  It was claimed one was messaging former students ?by getting their number off school systems? and sending them ?very explicit content?. It suggested another was ?adding students and ex-students on social media by catfishing and trying to get inappropriate content?.

?Catfishing? is the practice of using someone else?s pictures to create a fake social media account.  Also shared were a series of screenshots that claimed to be from a WhatsApp conversation between a teacher and former pupil.  The messages suggested the ex-pupil had sexual contact with two other teachers. Referring to the penis size of one of the teachers repeatedly, one message added: ?I know I?m third after Kevin and [another teacher] haha but I?d love to get to know how naughty you are.?

?We are absolutely committed to our safeguarding responsibilities and we will ensure any allegation is passed to the authorities. It is important to us that those who have suffered feel able to come forward and we will provide appropriate support.?

More recent allegations of misconduct and abuse have taken a tragic toll. While at least two members of staff left Whitgift following the computer hacking allegations, one of the teachers named in the allegations ultimately took their own life.  Parents have expressed their distress and disquiet over how a popular and gifted physics teacher, Dr Kevin Ralley, became implicated in the Whitgift scandal.  Dr Ralley had left Whitgift and had been teaching at KCS Wimbledon at the time of his death.  Concerns had begun after images from an account that appeared to be connected to a teacher started to circulate on social media. As well as containing pictures of one member of staff in a state of undress, the posts made serious allegations about two other teachers at Whitgift.  It was claimed one was messaging former students ?by getting their number off school systems? and sending them ?very explicit content?. It suggested another was ?adding students and ex-students on social media by catfishing and trying to get inappropriate content?.

?Catfishing? is the practice of using someone else?s pictures to create a fake social media account.  Also shared were a series of screenshots that claimed to be from a WhatsApp conversation between a teacher and former pupil.  The messages suggested the ex-pupil had sexual contact with two other teachers. Referring to the penis size of one of the teachers repeatedly, one message added: ?I know I?m third after Kevin and [another teacher] haha but I?d love to get to know how naughty you are.?

Much missed: Dr Kevin Ralley

The ?Kevin? referred to in the message was Dr Ralley.  It was the release of these images that led to the complaints to the Met investigation.  According to the Express: ?Whitgift conducted an ?independent? investigation into the alleged wrongdoing which a spokesperson claimed had found ?that what took place did not involve any pupils and the former pupil said to have been involved was an adult at the relevant times?.  There was, therefore, no evidence of any criminal wrongdoing, albeit the behaviour fell below expected standards of a member of staff at the school.?

One teacher resigned before the investigation began. Another teacher was dismissed, the Express reported.  Whitgift claimed the probe had not ?centred? on the young teacher as he had left the school two years earlier. A Whitgift spokesperson said that Ralley ?declined to be interviewed as a witness by the external investigators? and ?nothing emerged from our investigation to support Ralley being involved in any criminal conduct?.

It was known that Ralley, although a high-achiever academically, was in some ways vulnerable. The existence of the investigation, and his being mentioned in the messages, was enough for Dr Ralley to take his own life. He was 38.

29
https://www.cypnow.co.uk/news/article/sexual-exploitation-review-finds-child-protection-failings-at-rochdale-council

Sexual exploitation review finds child protection failings at Rochdale Council

Joe Lepper
Wednesday, January 17, 2024

Rochdale Council and police failed to protect children at risk of sexual exploitation in the Greater Manchester town more than a decade ago, an independent review has found.  It found ?compelling evidence of widespread organised exploitation of children? in Rochdale from 2004 to 2012 and a failure by the council?s children?s services and Greater Manchester Police to protect them.  In 111 cases looked at the review found ?there was a significant probability? that 74 were survivors of child sexual exploitation and in 48 of these cases ?there were serious failures? to protect the child by the council and police. 

    Supporting families affected by online sexual offending
    Rochdale multi-agency team supports CSE victims

The review also looked at work carried out by Sara Rowbotham, coordinator of the NHS sexual health service in Rochdale and the Crisis Intervention Team, which investigated child sexual exploitation cases and included former police detective Maggie Oliver among its members.  Two serious case overview reports published a decade ago had criticised Rowbotham and the team for not following child protection procedures and not communicating information on cases to social workers and police.  But the review found that by 2012 council and police were ?aware of approximately 127 potential victims?. These had been referred by the Crisis Intervention Team to the council but ?had not been acted on over the years?.  During the review?s probe this figure, of cases known about but not being acted on by the council, more than doubled to 260.  ?This information was clear to all the partners three months before the publication of the serious case review overview reports in December 2013,? found the review.

It concluded there is ?compelling evidence to support the view that the Crisis Intervention Team was sharing explicit information with the authorities on the exploitation of multiple children?.

Malcom Newsam, the review?s lead author, said that Greater Manchester Police (GMP) and Rochdale Council ?failed to prioritise the protection of children who were being sexually exploited by a significant number of men within the Rochdale area.  We have also concluded that Sara Rowbotham was unfairly criticised? after being wrongly accused of not referring cases of children at risk of exploitation.  For several years, Sara Rowbotham and her colleagues were lone voices in raising concerns about the sexual exploitation and abuse of these children,? he added.

?Both GMP and Rochdale Council failed to respond appropriately to these concerns, and it has been a gross misrepresentation to suggest that the Crisis Intervention Team in some way was complicit with this failure and to tarnish the reputation of this small group of professionals.?

Rochdale Council?s leader Neil Emmott said the local authority is ?deeply sorry? for its failures relating to the scandal.  ?I want to reassure the public that those responsible are gone and long gone,? he said.

?No amount of contrition or apology can ever repair the awful damage that was done to the lives of these survivors.  As the current leader of Rochdale Council, I want to repeat the apology we have made previously but also to reassure the public that far more rigorous practices are in place today to protect our children.?

However, last year Rochdale children's services was criticised by Ofsted for not making "sufficient progress" to improve. It said changes in senior management and the Covid-19 pandemic had hindered efforts to improve support for vulnerable children.  The independent review had been commissioned by Greater Manchester mayor Andy Burnham in 2017.  ?This report is hard to read,? said Burnham.

?It gives a detailed and distressing account of how many young people were so seriously failed.  That said, it fulfils the purpose of why I set up this review in the first place. It is only by facing up fully and unflinchingly to what happened that we can be sure of bringing the whole system culture change needed when it comes to protecting children from abuse.  I would like to thank those who have had the courage to come forward and share what happened to them. We know how difficult it must have been and still is.  We are sorry that you were so badly failed by the system that should have protected you.  I would also like to praise those who blew the whistle on their behalf, particularly Sara Rowbotham and Maggie Oliver, and for the support they have provided to them ever since. That took huge courage and determination, and we thank them for it.?

30
https://time.com/6051811/private-adoption-america/

The Baby Brokers: Inside America?s Murky Private-Adoption Industry

Shyanne Klupp was 20 years old and homeless when she met her boyfriend in 2009. Within weeks, the two had married, and within months, she was pregnant. ?I was so excited,? says Klupp.

Soon, however, she learned that her new husband was facing serious jail time, and she reluctantly agreed to start looking into how to place their expected child for adoption. The couple called one of the first results that Google spat out: Adoption Network Law Center (ANLC).  Klupp says her initial conversations with ANLC went well; the adoption counselor seemed kind and caring and made her and her husband feel comfortable choosing adoption. ANLC quickly sent them packets of paperwork to fill out, which included questions ranging from personal-health and substance-abuse history to how much money the couple would need for expenses during the pregnancy.  Klupp and her husband entered in the essentials: gas money, food, blankets and the like. She remembers thinking, ?I?m not trying to sell my baby.?

But ANLC, she says, pointed out that the prospective adoptive parents were rich. ?That?s not enough,? Klupp recalls her counselor telling her. ?You can ask for more.?

So the couple added maternity clothes, a new set of tires, and money for her husband?s prison commissary account, Klupp says. Then, in January 2010, she signed the initial legal paperwork for adoption, with the option to revoke. (In the U.S., an expectant mother has the right to change her mind anytime before birth, and after for a period that varies state by state. While a 2019 bill proposing an explicit federal ban of the sale of children failed in Congress, many states have such statutes and the practice is generally considered unlawful throughout the country.)  Klupp says she had recurring doubts about her decision. But when she called her ANLC counselor to ask whether keeping the child was an option, she says, ?they made me feel like, if I backed out, then the adoptive parents were going to come after me for all the money that they had spent.?

That would have been thousands of dollars. In shock, Klupp says, she hung up and never broached the subject again. The counselor, who no longer works with the company, denies telling Klupp she would have to pay back any such expense money. But Klupp?s then roommates?she had found housing at this point both recall her being distraught over the prospect of legal action if she didn?t follow through with the adoption. She says she wasn?t aware that an attorney, whose services were paid for by the adoptive parents, represented her.  ?I will never forget the way my heart sank,? says Klupp. ?You have to buy your own baby back almost.?

 Seeing no viable alternative, she ended up placing her son, and hasn?t seen him since he left the hospital 11 years ago.  Movies may portray the typical adoption as a childless couple saving an unwanted baby from a crowded orphanage. But the reality is that, at any given time, an estimated 1 million U.S. families are looking to adopt many of them seeking infants. That figure dramatically outpaces the number of available babies in the country. Some hopeful parents turn to international adoption, though in recent years other countries have curtailed the number of children they send abroad. There?s also the option to adopt from the U.S. foster-care system, but it?s an often slow-moving endeavor with a limited number of available infants. For those with means, there?s private domestic adoption.

ANLC was started in 1996 by Allan and Carol Gindi, who first called it the Adoption Network. The company says it has since worked on over 6,000 adoptions and that it?s the largest law corporation in the nation providing adoption services (though limited publicly available data makes that difficult to verify). ANLC?s home page is adorned with testimonials from grateful clients. Critics, however, see the organization as a paradigm of the largely unregulated private-adoption system in the U.S., which has made baby brokering a lucrative business.  Problems with private domestic adoption appear to be widespread. Interviews with dozens of current and former adoption professionals, birth parents, adoptive parents and reform advocates, as well as a review of hundreds of pages of documents, reveal issues ranging from commission schemes and illegal gag clauses to Craigslistesque ads for babies and lower rates for parents willing to adopt babies of any race. No one centrally tracks private adoptions in the U.S., but best estimates, from the Donaldson Adoption Institute (2006) and the National Council for Adoption (2014), respectively, peg the number of annual nonrelative infant adoptions at roughly 13,000 to 18,000. Public agencies are involved in approximately 1,000 of those, suggesting that the vast majority of domestic infant adoptions involve the private sector?and the market forces that drive it.  ?It?s a fundamental problem of supply and demand,? says Celeste Liversidge, an adoption attorney in California who would like to see reforms to the current system.

The scarcity of available infants, combined with the emotions of desperate adoptive parents and the advent of the Internet, has helped enable for-profit middlemen from agencies and lawyers to consultants and facilitators to charge fees that frequently stretch into the tens of thousands of dollars per case.  A 2021 ANLC agreement, reviewed by TIME and Newsy, shows that prospective parents were charged more than $25,000 in fees not including legal costs for finalizing the adoption, birth-mother expenses and other add-ons (like gender specification). The full tab, say former employees, can balloon to more than double that.  ?The money?s the problem,? says Adam Pertman, author of Adoption Nation and president of the National Center on Adoption and Permanency. ?Anytime you put dollar signs and human beings in the same sentence, you have a recipe for disaster.?

Even though federal tax credits can subsidize private adoptions (as much as $14,300 per child for the adopting parents), there is no federal regulation of the industry. Relevant laws governing everything from allowable financial support to how birth parents give their consent to an adoption are made at the state level and vary widely. Some state statutes, for example, cap birth-mother expenses, while others don?t even address the issue. Mississippi allows birth mothers six months to change their mind; in Tennessee, it?s just three days. After the revocation period is over, it?s ?too bad, so sad,? says Renee Gelin, president of Saving Our Sisters, an organization aimed at helping expectant parents preserve their families. ?The mother has little recourse.?

Liversidge founded the nonprofit AdoptMatch, which describes itself as a ?mobile app and online resource? that aims to ?increase an expectant parent?s accessibility to qualified adoptive parents and ethical adoption professionals.? She says the hodgepodge of state statutes invites abuse: ?Anyone that knows or learns the system it doesn?t take much can exploit those loopholes very easily for financial gain.?

Thirteen former ANLC employees, whose time at the organization spanned from 2006 to 2015, were interviewed for this story. Many asked to remain anonymous, out of fear of retaliation from the Gindis or ANLC. (The couple has filed multiple suits, including for defamation, over the years.) ?The risk is too great for my family,? wrote one former employee in a text to TIME and Newsy. But whether on or off the record, the former employees told largely similar stories of questionable practices at an organization profiting off both adoptive and expectant parents. ?These are such vulnerable people,? says one former employee. ?They deserve more than greed.?

The Gindis have long faced questions about their adoption work. In 2006, the Orange County district attorney filed a scathing complaint contending that while operating Adoption Network, the couple had committed 11 violations, including operating as a law firm without an attorney on staff and falsely advertising Carol as having nursing degrees. Admitting no wrongdoing, the Gindis agreed to pay a $100,000 fine.  Since around that time, the Gindis? exact involvement with ANLC has been difficult to discern amid a web of other companies, brands and titles. They both declined interview requests, but Allan did respond to emailed questions, explaining that he plays what he termed ?an advertising role? for ANLC, including for the company?s current president, Lauren Lorber (the Gindis? daughter), who took over the law practice in 2015. Before that, an attorney named Kristin Yellin owned ANLC. Former employees, though, say that despite an outwardly delineated setup, Allan in particular has remained heavily involved in ANLC operations. As far back as 2008, even though Yellin was the titular owner, ?everyone knew that Allan Gindi ran it,? according to former employee Cary Sweet.

(Sweet and other employees were plaintiffs in a 2010 discrimination and unlawful business practices lawsuit against ANLC. The company denied the allegations and the parties settled for an amount that Sweet says she isn?t allowed to reveal but called ?peanuts.?)

In an interview, Yellin bristled at the idea that Allan Gindi was in charge during her ownership period, saying, ?I realized what the Gindis? role was and how to put boundaries on that.?

Lorber, who declined an interview for this story, wrote via email that Allan has been a ?leader? in adoption marketing. He maintains, also by email, that over a 25-year period, each attorney for whom he has provided his ?highly specialized marketing services? has been ?more than satisfied.? In an earlier text message, Allan also characterized the reporting for this story as ?an attack on the wonderful work that Adoption Network has done and continues to do.?

Sweet, who worked with both expectant and adoptive parents at ANLC from 2008 to 2011, says she wasn?t aware of Klupp?s experience but remembers a situation involving a staff member?s threatening to call child protective services on a mother if she didn?t place her child for adoption. In a 2011 deposition taken as part of Sweet?s lawsuit, Yellin stated that the employee in question had told her that they had conveyed to the mother that ?if you end up not going through with this, you know social services will probably be back in your life.?

Yellin said that she found the comment inappropriate in context but did not perceive it as threatening or coercive.  Lorber, who has owned ANLC since late 2015, wrote in an email that she?s unaware of any incidents in which birth mothers were told they would have to pay back expenses if they chose not to place their child. But Klupp isn?t the only expectant mother to say she felt pressured by ANLC. Gracie Hallax placed two children through ANLC, in 2017 and 2018. Although the company arranged for lodging during her pregnancy (including, she says, in a bedbug-infested motel), she recalls an ANLC representative?s telling her that she could have to pay back expenses if she backed out of the adoptions. Madeline Grimm, a birth mother who placed her child through ANLC in 2019, also says she was informed that she might have to return expense money if she didn?t go through with the adoption. ?That was something that I would think of if I was having any kind of doubt,? she says. ?Like, well, sh-t, I?d have to pay all this back.?

The experiences described by Klupp, Hallax and Grimm fit a pattern of practices at ANLC that former employees say were concerning. Many describe a pervasive pressure to bring people whether birth parents or adoptive couples in the door. This was driven, at least in part, they say, by a ?profit sharing? model of compensation in which, after meeting certain targets, employees could earn extra by signing up more adoptive couples or completing more matches. Former employees say birth mothers who did multiple placements through ANLC were sometimes referred to as ?frequent flyers.? (Lorber and Yellin both say they have never heard that term.)  ?The whole thing became about money and not about good adoption practices,? says one former employee. As they saw it, ANLC made a priority of ?bringing in the next check.?

Adoptive parents, former employees say, were sometimes provided inaccurate statistics on how often the company?s attempts to matchmake were successful. ?They almost made it seem like birth mothers were lining up to give their babies away,? says one. ?That?s not reality.?

(Yellin says in the 2011 deposition that the data were outdated, not inaccurate.) Clients pay their fees in two nonrefundable installments, one at the beginning of the process and another after matching with a birth mother. As a result, former employees say, if the adoption fell through, there was little financial incentive for ANLC to rematch the parents, and those couples were routinely not presented to other birth mothers. ?Counselors were being pressured to do this by the higher-ups,? claims one former employee, recalling instructions to ?not match couples that are not bringing in money. Period.?

Some prospective adoptive parents whom the company deemed harder to match those who were overweight, for example, say former employees were given a limited agreement that timed out, rather than the standard open-ended contract. There was also a separate agreement for those willing to adopt Black or biracial babies, for which the company offered its services at a discount. (In her 2011 deposition, Yellin acknowledged that there were multiple versions of the agreement and providing staff with obesity charts. When asked if obesity was a reason clients got a limited agreement, she said, ?Specifically because they were obese, no.? In regard to whether what a couple looked like was considered, she responded, ?I can only speculate. I do not know.?)

Former ANLC employees also allege the company would encourage pregnant women to relocate to states where the adoption laws were more favorable and finalizations more likely. ?I believe it?s called venue hunting,? one recalls.

And while that former employee made sure to note that ANLC did produce some resoundingly positive, well-fitting adoptions, they say the outcome was largely a matter of luck, ?like throwing spaghetti on a refrigerator to see if it?ll stick.?

Yellin acknowledges that when she took over the company in 2007, ?there was a feeling that some of the adoption advisers had felt pressured just to make matches.?

But she says she worked to address that and other issues. Yellin says she put an end to the use of the limited agreement, and denies that ANLC ever advised birth mothers to relocate to other states to make an adoption easier. She also says she wasn?t aware of any instances of birth mothers? being coerced into placing their babies. Other practices, though, she defended. Charging lower fees to parents willing to adopt babies of any race makes business sense, Yellin says. ?Their marketing costs were lower. That?s just the reality of it.?

Lorber maintains that fee structure stopped in 2019. More broadly, she noted that of the thousands of parties that ANLC has worked with over the years, the complaint rate is less than half of 1% and ?that is one track record to be proud of!?

But ANLC?s practices over the years could have legal implications. Experts say that reports of any organization?s putting pressure on birth parents to go through with an adoption would raise concerns about whether those parents placed their children under duress which can be grounds for invalidating consent and potentially overturning adoptions. And ANLC may be violating consumer-protection laws with a clause in its agreement that makes clients ?agree not to talk negatively about ANLC?s efforts, service, positions, policies and employees with anyone, including potential Birth Parents, other adoption-related entities or on social media and other Internet platforms.?

The federal Consumer Review Fairness Act of 2016 makes contract clauses that restrict consumer reviews illegal, as does the 2014 California ?Yelp? bill. ?It would certainly be unlawful,? says Paul Levy, an attorney with the consumer-advocacy organization Public Citizen, who reviewed the agreement. ?If they put this in the contract, what do they have to hide??

Stories of enticement and pressure tactics in the private-adoption industry abound. Mother Goose Adoptions, a middle-man organization in Arizona, has pitched a ?laptop for life? program and accommodations in ?warm, sunny Arizona.? A Is 4 Adoption, a facilitator in California, made a payment of roughly $12,000 to a woman after she gave birth, says an attorney involved in the adoption case. While the company says it ?adheres to the adoption laws that are governed by the state of California,? the lawyer, who asked to remain anonymous because they still work on adoptions in the region, says they told A Is 4 Adoption?s owner, ?You should not be paying lump sums. It looks like you?re buying a baby.?

Jessalynn Speight worked for ANLC in 2015 and says private adoption is rife with problems: ?It?s much more rampant than anyone can understand.?

..Speight, whose nonprofit Tied at the Heart runs retreats for birth parents, worries that the industry sometimes turns into a cycle of dependency, as struggling women place multiple children as a means of financial support. (The same incentive may also encourage scamming adoptive birth parents, with purported birth parents who don?t actually intend to place a child for adoption or are never even pregnant.) Anne Moody, author of the 2018 book The Children Money Can Buy, about foster care and adoption, says the system can amount to ?basically producing babies for money.?

Claudia Corrigan D?Arcy, a birth-parent advocate and birth mother who blogs extensively about adoption, says she routinely hears of women facing expense-repayment pressures. Some states, such as California and Nevada, explicitly consider birth-parent expenses an ?act of charity? that birth parents don?t have to pay back. In other states, though, nothing prohibits adoption entities from trying to obligate birth parents to repay expenses when a match fails.  ?How is that not blackmail?? D?Arcy asks, emphasizing that in most states, fraud or duress can be a reason for invalidating a birth parent?s consent.

According to Debra Guston, adoption director for the Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys, conditioning support on a promise to repay or later demanding repayment if there is no placement is ?at very least unethical.?  States are ostensibly in charge of keeping private-adoption entities in line. Agencies are generally licensed or registered with the relevant departments of health, human services or children and families. Attorneys practice under the auspices of a state bar. But even when misdeeds are uncovered, action may be anemic and penalties minimal. In 2007, Dorene and Kevin Whisler were set to adopt through the Florida-based agency Adoption Advocates. When the agency told the Whislers the baby was born with disabilities, the couple decided not to proceed with the adoption?but they later found out that the baby was healthy and had been placed with a different couple, for another fee. After news coverage of the case, Adoption Advocates found itself under investigation. In a 2008 letter to Adoption Advocates, the Florida department of children and families (DCF) wrote that it had found ?expenses that are filed with the courts from your agency do not accurately reflect the expenses that are being paid to the natural mothers in many instances.? Although DCF temporarily put the organization on a provisional license, a spokesperson for the department says that after ?enhanced monitoring for compliance,? it relicensed the company, and there have been no issues or complaints since. (When contacted, Adoption Advocates? attorney replied that the company is ?unable to respond to your inquiries regarding specific individuals or cases.?)

More recently, in 2018, the Utah department of human services (DHS) revoked the license of an agency called Heart and Soul Adoptions, citing violations ranging from not properly searching for putative fathers (a requirement in Utah) to insufficient tracking of birth-mother expenses. Rules prohibit anyone whose license is revoked from being associated with another licensed entity for five years. But a year later Heart and Soul owner Denise Garza was found to be working with Brighter Adoptions. DHS briefly placed Brighter on a conditional license for working with Garza but has since lifted all sanctions and never assessed any fines.  Enforcement is even harder when middlemen operate as consultants, facilitators or advertisers or under any number of other murky titles that critics believe are sometimes used to skirt regulations. There is little clarity on who is supposed to oversee these more amorphous intermediaries.  Jennifer Ryan (who sometimes goes by ?Jennalee Ryan? or ?Jennifer Potter?) was first a ?facilitator? and is now a kind of middleman to adoption middle-men. Her ?national online advertising service? refers expectant parents to lawyers (including her own son), facilitators and other intermediaries; as of November 2020, the company was charging these middlemen fees starting at $18,800 for each birth-mother match (with the idea that the cost is passed on to families). Ryan declined an interview but, in an email, she says she does approximately 400 matches annually. Among the websites Ryan operates are Chosen Parents and Forever After Adoptions, which both include a section that lists babies for adoption, sort of like a Craigslist ad. One example from last August: ?AVAILABLE Indian (as in Southeast Asia India) Baby to be born in the state of California in 2021.  Estimated cost of this adoption is $35000.?

Many advocates say they would like to see reforms to private adoption in the U.S. Even Yellin, a proponent of private-sector involvement in the adoption space, says there probably ought to be more regulation. But calls for systematic change have remained largely unheeded, and agreeing on exactly what should be done can be difficult.  Some believe the problem could be addressed with greater federal-level oversight pointing to the foster-care system, which a division of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services helps administer, as an example (albeit an imperfect one). But Liversidge notes that family law has traditionally been a state issue and says that is where fixes should, and will likely need to, occur. She wants to see improvements such as an expansion of mandatory independent legal representation for birth parents, better tracking of adoption data and the reining in of excessive fees.  Illinois attempted to take a strong stand against adoption profiteering in a 2005 adoption-reform act, which barred out-of-state, for-profit intermediaries from engaging in adoption-related activities in the state. But Bruce Boyer, a law professor at Loyola University who championed the legislation, says, ?We couldn?t get anyone to enforce it.?

Only after much pushing and prodding, he adds, did advocates persuade the state to pursue a case against what Boyer called the ?worst? offender: ANLC.  The Illinois attorney general filed a complaint in 2013 alleging that ANLC was breaking the law by offering and advertising adoption services in the state without proper licensing or approval. To fight the suit, ANLC retained a high-profile Chicago law firm, and within months, the parties had reached a settlement. ANLC agreed that it would not work directly with Illinois-based birth parents, but it did not admit any wrongdoing and called the resolution ?fair and reasonable.? Boyer disagrees. ?They caved,? he says of the state. ?There were no meaningful consequences that came from a half-hearted attempt.? The attorney general?s office declined to comment.

What few changes have been made in adoption law are generally aimed at making the process easier for adoptive parents, who experts say tend to have more political and financial clout than birth parents. At the core of the inertia is lack of awareness. ?There?s an assumption in this country that adoption is a win-win solution,? says Liversidge. ?People don?t understand what?s going on.?

Many proponents of change would, at the very least, like to see private adoption move more toward a nonprofit model. ?It?s a baby-brokering business. That?s really what it?s turned into,? says Kim Anderson, chief program officer at the Nebraska Children?s Home Society, a nonprofit that does private adoptions only in Nebraska (with a sliding fee based on income) and which rarely allows adoptive parents to pay expenses for expectant parents.

Whatever shape reform ends up taking or mechanism it occurs through advocates say it will require a fundamental shift and decommodification of how the country approaches private adoption. ?A civilized society protects children and vulnerable populations. It doesn?t let the free market loose on them,? says Liversidge. Or, as Pertman puts it, ?Children should not be treated the same as snow tires.?

Yellin kept working with ANLC as an attorney until late 2018. By then, she says adoption numbers had dropped significantly because of increased competition and a decreasing number of expectant mothers seeking to place their babies. But the company seems to still be very much in the adoption business. During the pandemic, Adoption Pro Inc., which operates ANLC, was approved for hundreds of thousands of dollars in stimulus loans, and its social media accounts suggest it has plenty of adoptive-parent clients. According to data from the search analytics service SpyFu, ANLC has also run hundreds of ads targeting expectant parents. For example, if you Googled the term ?putting baby up for adoption? in January 2021, you might get shown an ANLC ad touting, ?Financial & Housing Assistance Available.?

Meanwhile, Allan Gindi continues to play an advertising role for ANLC (and to use an ?@adoptionnetwork.com? email address). Court documents connected to a bankruptcy case show that, in 2019, Gindi expected to make $40,000 per month in adoption-advertising income. (He says that number was not ultimately realized but did not provide any more details.) Lorber?s LinkedIn profile says that ANLC is a ?$5 million dollar per year? business. ?And that?s just one family in Southern California,? remarks Speight, who used to work for ANLC and who runs a birth-parent support nonprofit.

?Think about all of the other adoption agencies where couples are paying even more money.?

Klupp?s Facebook feed still cycles through ?memories? of posts she made when she was placing her son through ANLC. They?re mournful but positive, she says; in them, she tended to frame the decision as an unfortunate necessity that put her son in a loving home. ?I thought everything was really great,? recalls Klupp, who has since immersed herself in the online adoption community.

What she?s learned has slowly chipped away at the pleasant patina that once surrounded her adoption journey; such a shift is so common, it has a name, ?coming out of the fog.?  ?They take people who don?t have money and are scared, and they use your fear to set you up with an adoption that you can?t back out of,? Klupp says of the industry. ?I?m sure even the parents that adopted my son didn?t know half the stuff that went on behind the scenes. They probably paid this agency to find them a baby, and that?s what they cared about. And this agency takes this money from these people who are desperate.?

Klupp isn?t anti-adoption; in fact, she?s been trying to adopt out of foster care. The problem, she says, is the profit. Today, she believes she has a better understanding of the extent to which ANLC influenced her and now views her decision as, at the very least, deliberately ill informed, if not outright coerced. She says she?s taken to deleting the Facebook posts about her son?s adoption as the reminders pop up they?re too painful.  ?It seems like the agencies have some universal handbook on how to convince doubtful moms,? she says. ?I know in my heart that I would have kept my son if I had had the right answers.?

?With reporting by Mariah Espada and Madeline Roache

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