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General Discussion / Dear God, Why Haven’t You Given Me ...

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 05, 2023, 03:08:53 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/11/25/dear-god-why-havent-you-given-me?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=232630504&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--mD5b_5cGJ4iWTxLqQs8Gtwwyq2YELY006tUt24tfHUO7yN1VXzMDBlsvrSAjkv4TsY6WyRJLuAgBlSHNMnUKZvDm8jw&utm_content=232630504&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Dear God, Why Haven’t You Given Me ...
November 25, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes ...” Psalm 19:7-8 (ESV)

I remember the day I closed my eyes as tears fell and I whispered, “God, please either take away this longing of my heart or show me Your answer. I just don’t think I can keep hoping for what no longer seems possible.”

If you’ve ever prayed a similar prayer, you know this kind of breaking point. And it’s at this exact place of desperation that our lives can go in one of two directions:

We can lean into God and learn to trust Him more fully.
We can look within ourselves for temporary solutions, numb out so we don’t have to feel the ache, or listen to the hopeless scripts running through our minds, only leaving us more empty.

One of those scripts I have found myself tangled in typically goes something like this: I could really be happy and fulfilled if only I had … More resources. Predictability and peace in my home. More time. Uncomplicated relationships. Friends who were more understanding. The ability to see a future where I’m really OK. I don’t know what your “if only I had” statements are, but I do know this: None of them will bring ultimate fulfillment. They might bring temporary moments of happiness, but even those won’t be as perfect as you imagine. It’s so hard not to pursue solutions of our own making more than waiting on God’s way or God’s timing. The truth is, apart from a thriving relationship with God, even if we got everything on our list, there would still be a hollow gap in our soul. If we were sitting together over coffee, processing all of this, here’s where I would turn in God’s Word with you: “The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes …” (Psalm 19:7-8).

You see, instead of saying “if only I had” and filling in the blank with some person, possession or position, we can make the choice to replace that statement with God’s Truth. Here are some examples: People. I no longer dwell on “if only my biological father loved me.”

Instead, I remember God is the “Father of the fatherless” (Psalm 68:5, ESV) whose love for me endures forever. (Psalm 136)

Maybe your gap isn’t left by an absent father but by a friend who hurt you or rejected you. Or the children you’ve longed to have but still don’t have. Whatever that gap is, God is the perfect fit for your emptiness. If you find yourself here today, pray this paraphrase of Luke 1:78-79 with me: Because of the tender mercy of my God by which the rising sun will come to me from heaven to shine on my darkness and in what feels like the shadow of death to me I will find peace. Possessions. I no longer get fixated on things I wish I had or compare myself to others. Instead, I redirect my focus when I recite the words of Matthew 6:19-21: “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (NIV).

Any possession I ever long for, no matter how good it may seem, will only be good for a limited time. In light of eternity, every possession is in the process of breaking down, becoming devalued, and will eventually be taken from us. If I set my heart solely on acquiring more things, I’ll feel more vulnerable with the possibility of loss. Possessions are meant to be appreciated and used to bless others. They were never meant to be identity markers. It’s not wrong to enjoy the possessions we have as long as we don’t depend on them for our heart’s security. Position. Instead of thinking “if only I had more opportunities” or “if only I had the right networking connections,” we can pray the words of Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path” (NIV) immediately exhaling the pressure of striving and competing.

Friend, you don’t need a better position to get where you should go. We don’t have to figure out our path and run ahead. God’s Word will guide us. And as we follow Him and honor Him step by step, we can be assured that we’re right where He wants us, doing what He wants us to do. Sweet sister, let the solid truths from Scripture interrupt whatever “if only I had” statement you’re struggling with today. When God’s Word gets inside of us, it becomes the new way we process life. It rearranges our thoughts, our motives, our needs and our desires. Our souls are tailor-made to be filled with God and His Truth; therefore, it seeps into every part of us and fills our longings like nothing else can. And even if we don’t receive from God what we thought we desperately wanted, He will give us perspective to help us see that with God, we will never be left empty.

General Discussion / When I Am Most Like Jesus

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 02, 2023, 03:52:50 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/11/15/when-i-am-most-like-jesus?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=232071398&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--TvOGvXcqF3izehko2KJnqojw5w3nBy7uEexMbW09EMtjpq8ckauOrxxy5FabqKf6q70ivskTxTOeP0lwcp813rNSWpA&utm_content=232071398&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

When I Am Most Like Jesus
November 15, 2022
by Lynn Cowell

“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.” Philippians 2:5-7 (NIV)

I had only one thought when I opened my eyes in the pre-dawn darkness: Why do I have to get up before the sun does?

I knew the answer but I was tired and not thrilled about being awake that early. My husband and I were part of a team that turned a public school into a church sanctuary on Sunday mornings. Hanging drapes, setting up chairs and transforming classrooms into children’s church rooms were all part of our volunteer description. Most mornings, I was happy to be serving with my man. This type of work was a welcome change from the roles we each played during the week. Other mornings, when my alarm went off at 4:45 a.m., my thoughts were not that positive. Sundays are for rest, so why am I not resting?

And still other times, it wasn’t my alarm but my own desire for recognition that tempted me to take my thoughts in the wrong direction. Right there in that high-school cafeteria, the enemy and I would have a knock-down brawl as I fought to serve from a pure heart. I am guessing I am not the only one who struggles at times with serving in the unseen spaces. We get confused, thinking ministry is more in the spotlight, such as teaching a Bible study. Yet Scripture shows us clearly, through the example of our Savior, what pure service looks like: “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness” (Philippians 2:5-7).

Jesus, the King of kings and Lord of lords, made Himself nothing for us, and He did that by assuming the posture of a servant. If our desire is to be like Jesus, then Paul tells us here in Philippians that serving like Jesus is less flashy than we think. It looks more like taking groceries to our elderly mother. Serving like Jesus is making a meal for women in a local shelter. Serving like Jesus is caring for those who won’t or can’t ever pay us back. This is when we are most like our Savior. Jesus Himself instructed us in this way: “… whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must be your slave; just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many” (Matthew 20:26-28, CSB).

When I’m truly serving like Jesus, I am serving Jesus. When we choose to do the hidden work, the less-than-beautiful, unseen work when we choose to humble ourselves and give our time, effort and resources to those who need love most this is when we are like Jesus.

General Discussion / The Good Shepherd’s Comfort

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 02, 2023, 03:49:29 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/11/14/the-good-shepherds-comfort?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=232069792&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-8cG2FlWBb39R5LnO1RsX7JMd9oMhND-efpR-XAXZ7d2UBXImAVDCiuBopyHsGKnGAf1pIdQzX-gqtDERGCcki7d__O_A&utm_content=232069792&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

The Good Shepherd’s Comfort
November 14, 2022
by Danielle Hitchen

“The LORD is my shepherd … your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:1, 4 (ESV)

“Stop eating play dough,” I tell my 3-year-old for what feels like the millionth time.

“BE KIND,” she hollers back at the top of her lungs.

Sighing, I insist that the kindest thing I can do is ensure she doesn’t ingest the indigestible. Much to her loud and obvious displeasure, I remove the play dough and put it away in a bin out of her reach. While her ongoing reaction grates on me, I remind myself that after persistently warning the Israelites of the consequences of disobedience, God allowed them to be taken captive and enslaved. Hopefully, most of us (preschoolers and adults alike) don’t need to experience Old Testament-level discipline before we listen and obey. In our day-to-day usage, the word “discipline” tends to be associated with punishment but Scripture describes discipline more like instruction and protection. Psalm 23 wonderfully illustrates this type of discipline, saying of God, our Shepherd: “Your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4).

Shepherds regularly employed both these instruments to ensure their flocks were safe:

A rod was a short club for prodding the sheep in the right direction and fighting off threats.
A staff had a long crook on the end for redirecting the sheep pulling them away from danger and placing them back on the correct path.

As I reflect on the discipline of the Lord in my own life, I find the psalmist’s language helpful in understanding and identifying how God has been at work. The Good Shepherd’s rod is in play every time I open my Bible. Like a standard shepherd’s rod prodded sheep, God’s Word prods me in the right direction and fends off the lies and attacks of the enemy. The Good Shepherd’s staff is more subtle. It is most visible to me in circumstances like the unexpectedly closed doors that redirect my plans or the sermons or conversations that convict and redirect my spirit. While I often want to respond to the frustration, disappointment, pain or discomfort of “staff” experiences like my 3-year-old did (hollering at God, “BE KIND”), I remind myself that no matter how I feel, the objective truth is that the Lord’s discipline is an act of loving kindness. In retrospect, I’m always grateful for God’s protection for His severe mercy in refusing to allow me to eat the metaphorical play dough. Friends, the Good Shepherd desires the flourishing of His beloved flock. His rod and His staff are there for our comfort a persistent reminder that the Shepherd is present, watchful and protective, guiding us in the way of life eternal. By the use of His rod and His staff, the Good Shepherd guides us deeper into His will and encourages us to cling to the promises of His Truth that we might walk in faith and repentance, following the way of life. May His rod and His staff be a comfort to you this day and every day.

Articles / Middlesbrough has highest number of children referred for potential ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 02, 2023, 03:40:58 PM »

https://www.gazettelive.co.uk/news/teesside-news/middlesbrough-highest-number-children-referred-27816460

Middlesbrough has highest number of children referred for potential adoption in region

The highest number of adoption orders which sever legal ties between a birth parent and a child were also made in Middlesbrough, compared to other parts of the Tees Valley

By Stuart Arnold Local Democracy Reporter

16:00, 1 OCT 2023

Middlesbrough continues to be the local authority referring the highest number of children for potential adoption of any in the Tees Valley. It referred 74 children for adoption in 2022/23, according to an annual report from regional adoption agency Adoption Tees Valley (ATV), followed by Stockton (51), Redcar and Cleveland (44), Darlington (33) and Hartlepool (21). The number of adoption orders an order giving full parental responsibility for a child to the approved adopters and made on application to a court increased year-on-year from 78 to 84 across the region, the most occurring again in Middlesbrough (26). The report described how more adoptive parents were meeting with the parents of the child from the outset and, nationally, there had been a move towards maintaining these significant relationships through direct and indirect ways of keeping in touch. It said research continued to show that many adopted people wanted to have some form of contact with their birth relatives and “as a whole system we need to continue to review how we move in this direction”.

The number of families approved for adoption increased year-on-year with 55 families having been assessed and approved to adopt across the Tees Valley from the 46 in 2021/22. But there continued to be a need for more families to house siblings and older children (those aged over five) and there weren’t enough adoptive families for children with complex needs. Of the 55 families 58% were in the age 31 to 40 category and overwhelmingly white British (93%).

The report described how new Virtual Reality headsets were in use in ‘virtual schools’ in Redcar and Cleveland and Darlington which enabled adoptive parents to experience the world of the child in a range of scenarios that they may have experienced with feedback suggesting they were “powerful, impactful and helpful”.

ATV is governed by a board of directors which comprise the directors of children’s services for its five partner local authorities Darlington, Hartlepool, Middlesbrough, Redcar and Cleveland and Stockton who also make financial contributions towards its work. For more information about adoption tees valley visit: http://www.adoptionteesvalley.org.uk/

Articles / I was an awkward tomboy when I was young. What I needed was someone to say....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 30, 2023, 04:51:42 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12566181/I-awkward-tomboy-young-needed-say-okay-girl-trans-community-insisted-MAN-heartbreaking-story-detransition.html

I was an awkward tomboy when I was young. What I needed was someone to say it was okay to be a girl but the trans community insisted I was a MAN: A heartbreaking story of detransition

Hazel Appleyard, 31, from Leamington said she was lucky not to have been hurt
She came out as a trans man when she was 17 but detransitioned before surgery

By Chris Matthews

Published: 13:40, 30 September 2023 | Updated: 15:23, 30 September 2023

A trans man who detransitioned back to being a woman has slammed gender ideology and cautioned against teaching children they can change sex. Hazel Appleyard, 31, from Leamington, was referred to a gender clinic aged 17 after she said she wanted to become a man. She even intended to make herself infertile by having an operation to remove her uterus. The detransitioner is now a mother-of-one and said she was 'lucky' to escape the trans community before too much harm was done. She told MailOnline: 'I don't think anyone believes trans women are women. People who have been brought up around political correctness we have been raised to be accepting people but this time it might have been taken too far. I was always a bit of a tomboy as a kid. I'm autistic. My mother tried to dress me as a girl. I wasn't keen on dressing like that. I started rejecting everything girly.'

According to Pew Research Center research, some 5.1 per cent of adults younger than 30 are trans or nonbinary. Somewhere between eight and 13 per cent of them revert to their gender at birth, according to various estimates. And according to the most recent census, just 0.1 per cent of people in the UK are trans. That amounts to just 96,000 people, with 48,000 saying they were trans men and another 48,000 calling themselves trans women. Even though being trans is not a widespread issue, the trans community is extremely vocal and issues around gender and sex have become the source of fierce public debate. Hazel explained how she was influenced by the internet. When she was younger, Hazel used the website Live Journal to meet other gender-questioning and trans people. She said being 'exposed to more people who were identifying as trans got me thinking'.

She added: 'On those kinds of echo chambers I would see people say, "I'm not sure if I'm trans" but then the trans people would say, "If you feel that way then you are that way". [The website] doubles down on the delusion.'

When she was 17, Hazel came out to her mother as trans, telling her she wanted to be a man. She cut her hair short and went by the name of Aaron to seem more like a boy. She even intended to have a sex change operation. However, she said with time the feelings went away. She said: 'It kind of just faded. One day it was strong and I was thinking about ending my life. One day I woke up and didn't feel so bad any more. I just fell out of the trans community. I slowly slipped back in [to being a girl]. I got some c**p from kids at school but I managed to assimilate back. Since then when you speak out against it, against the trans community, you get a lot of pushback. They don't want to [know] that there's a potential that people make mistakes. They are really very set on denying people who detransition.'

Although she was referred to a gender clinic, she didn't go to her first appointment and feels she was lucky to escape any treatment, even though she thought at the time, 'maybe I'm not supposed to be a woman'.

She said: 'Autistic kids need to be protected from this ideology. I was so vulnerable. We need to be really, really careful of these kids who are vulnerable and impressionable and already feel lost. What I needed as a child was to know it was okay to be a girl who didn't act like the other girls. I was just a kid. Yes I'm a girl and I'm different but that's okay. I have come out the other side. If they let me do that where would I be? I have got a child now. I was so close to losing all of these things. I see those kids who want what I wanted. What if they change their minds too but it's too late? I feel really lucky. The thing that disturbs me is that I don't think people are born trans. If you raise kids who don't know about trans that gives them the better chance of growing up and being themselves. Kids who identify as a different gender it doesn't help to transition them.'

Hazel also revealed she was worried about safe spaces for women. She said allowing men the ability to self-identify as women opened up the possibility of men aiming to make women feel 'uncomfortable' by invading women's spaces. The detranitioner said: 'Born women need their safe spaces. There might be a core trans subset who are truly trans, but this new wave of trans where we have blokes in dresses with beards? If you are trans you want to live as the opposite sex. I don't think that any man who feels like a woman today should be able to identify [as one]. Women deserve to be safe in these spaces.'

Debate around clinics offering treatment for youngsters who believe they are trans, and the drugs offered to them, has become increasingly heated. Hazel's story is the latest example of children being advised to transition at an age when they are not able to fully quantity the decision. In 2020, Keira Bell took the Gender Identity clinic (GIDS) to the High Court to stop children with gender dysphoria being prescribed puberty-halting drugs. Aged 16 and, by her own admission, ‘very mentally ill’, Keira had been given the drugs by doctors at the controversial clinic to pause her own development before realising six years later and after undergoing a double mastectomy that it was a monumental mistake. The scandal-ridden Tavistock gender clinic was told to close after a review from Dr Hilary Cass branded it as 'not safe'. Plans set out by NHS England for future gender clinics set a minimum age for a referral for the first time seven years old and will also aim to limit the use of puberty blockers. The closure followed a review led by senior paediatrician Dr Hilary Cass, who warned the gender clinic was 'not a safe or viable long-term option'. She found other mental health issues were 'overshadowed' in favour of gender identity issues when children were referred to Tavistock's Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS). The clinic was accused of rushing children onto puberty-blocking drugs by former patients who feel they weren't challenged enough. It treated at least 9,000 children for gender dysphoria since it opened in 1989. Yet although the clinic was supposed to close its doors this year, the closure was postponed until March 2024.

For confidential support call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch, see www.samaritans.org for details

Articles / Exploring the loss left by forced adoption

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 29, 2023, 10:39:26 AM »

https://www.sussexexpress.co.uk/arts-and-culture/theatre-and-stage/exploring-the-loss-left-by-forced-adoption-4342006

Exploring the loss left by forced adoption

You an award-winning play by Sussex-based writer Mark Wilson, who lives near Horsham, about a mother reunited with the son she gave up for adoption more than 30 years before is set for a revival at Brighton’s New Venture Theatre this October.

By Phil Hewitt
Published 23rd Sep 2023, 08:05 BST

The play, telling the story of Kathleen who as a teenage mother was forced to give up her baby for adoption, is a tender and deeply moving look at love, loss and the invisible ties that bind us. You by Mark Wilson opens at the New Venture Theatre, Brighton on Friday, October 6 and runs until Saturday, October 14 (no performance Monday 9). Running time: one hour (no interval). Ticket price £12 on www.newventure.org.uk. The play was inspired by the writer Mark’s own story as one of the half a million babies forcibly given up for adoption in 1950s-1970s Britain. Many of the mothers were unmarried teenagers and gave birth in church-run mother and baby homes. Now in her mid-40s, Kathleen sits anxiously awaiting the arrival of the man she gave up for adoption more than 30 years ago. As she finally allows herself to remember the events of that time, each of her story’s characters are brought to life by two actors on stage in front of us. Mark said: “I see You as having come from a need to hear my own mother, hear her story; a need to conjure her as a way of managing the loss I realised I was feeling. It would have been so obvious for me to have told my story. But from the beginning it was her story that started to be told.”

The play was first performed at the Brighton Festival in 2015, where it received five-star reviews and went on to win several awards. It’s since been produced in the UK and internationally to great acclaim. Its revival at the New Venture Theatre is a particularly special one for You writer Mark as it’s a community theatre he has close ties to, having directed several productions and mentored new directors and writers there. Mark said: “I’m excited that NVT have chosen to stage You within the close intimacy of their studio space. It’s one I’ve worked in a number of times because of its potential to give the audience an experience of being drawn into the lives of the characters in front of them.”

General Discussion / After You’ve Done All You Can, Just Stand

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 25, 2023, 06:56:28 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/10/28/after-youve-done-all-you-can-just-stand?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=230382177&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-8Cy_fpQTqt7PHe5nwRS0pG8fYaQut9liy3c3raDS47BArSzSU5W_RBjo8TvlRtPa-ADhwVDPL8vVPUyhcI_mYvOpsL8A&utm_content=230382177&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

After You’ve Done All You Can, Just Stand
October 28, 2022
by Avril Occilien-Similien, COMPEL Training member

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm ...” Ephesians 6:13-14 (NIV)

Recently, my family and I were at the water park, celebrating my husband’s birthday. After much lamenting, I found myself going down a water slide at an alarmingly fast rate. This situation would not be so bad except I don't know how to swim. As I exited the slide, I expected my body to slip safely into a puddle. Instead, I found myself fully submerged underwater. I panicked. I flailed my arms and legs frantically. I thought, This is it. This is how it’s going to end! Through the sound of the water, I heard the whistle of the lifeguard. Then I saw an arm reach down and heroically pull me up to safety. Breathing heavily, I thanked the lifeguard, who was looking at me very strangely. When I inquired about his puzzled look, he replied, “All you had to do was stand.”

He then pointed to the inscription on the side of the pool that read “3 feet.” I was drowning in 3 feet of water! Isn’t that how life is sometimes? We feel overwhelmed by the never-ending to-do lists, the children who are rebelling, the spouse who doesn’t understand us, the relationships that suddenly go awry or the house that never seems to stay clean. We feel like we cannot cope. We may not even be able to explain it. We just feel overwhelmed. We feel like we’re drowning. I’m not sure what is currently happening in your life, what overwhelming situations you may be facing, but what I do know is we will all face challenges and heartaches we didn’t expect. In the midst of it all, we have a God who, just like that lifeguard, is ready to rescue us.

I can see Him looking at me, saying, “I’ve given you everything you need. Just stand.” Ephesians 6:13-14 declares, “Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm …”

My heart is encouraged as I remember these truths:

No matter how unqualified I feel for the tasks set before me, with God I am well-equipped.
No matter how fast I seem to be sliding down the slippery slope of this thing called life, with God I am not in despair.
No matter how overwhelming the situations of life feel, with God I am not drowning.

Friend, God has given us everything we need to stand victorious against the enemy’s schemes. All we have to do is stand. Stand on His Word. Stand on His promise that declares we are “more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Romans 8:37, NIV).

Stand on the command of Jesus to “take heart” because He has “overcome the world” (John 16:33, NIV). Stand on the truth that He will “fight for you against your enemies to give you victory” (Deuteronomy 20:4, NIV).

Let’s declare it with our mouths and believe it in our hearts. After you’ve done all you can, just stand!

General Discussion / Crate Training and Other Good Boundaries

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 25, 2023, 06:51:53 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2022/10/27/crate-training-and-other-good-boundaries?utm_campaign=Daily+Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=230380993&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-809bhlfXksmmm4NhXoI8pNf-h8Gh0MXMDqWBPH-j0_g3KiKHlXztA5Uo4vPS4nKcrYVUzOMMkqF6vJQ-QXvuNHgCFRQA&utm_content=230380993&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Crate Training and Other Good Boundaries
October 27, 2022
by Lysa TerKeurst

“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV)

“Mom, we think you need a puppy.”

Before my grown kids, who no longer live at home, got to the second syllable of the word “puppy,” I said no. There were many reasons. But mostly I felt like this whole conversation was code for “we want all the fun of a puppy without the daily responsibilities of said puppy.”

If they could talk me into it, they could love the puppy and enjoy him when they wanted but then choose to leave him with me to do everything else. So of course I wound up getting a puppy. And it absolutely worked out exactly like I thought it would. But what I hadn’t counted on was completely falling in love with this little apricot-colored furball of pure joy. And you know how it’s wise for some dogs to be crate trained?

Yes, well, that wasn’t working for my little pup named Givey. Every time I put him in his crate, he cried and cried until I couldn’t take it any longer and let him out. But this pattern wasn’t helping in the potty-training department or the don’t-chew-up-my-stuff department at all. One day, my friend Shae came over to work on some projects, and Givey was in rare form. Everything a good puppy should do, he was doing the opposite. I said, “I know I should put him in his crate for some timeout, but I just can’t stand to hear him cry.”

Shae replied, “You know, my mom had a really wise statement she would often say when we were crate training our dog, Rosie. When she started crying and we all felt bad for Rosie, my mom would say, ‘Well, I’m not happy 100% of the time in my life either. She’ll be just fine.’”

I mean, Mama has a real good point there. Eventually, Givey not only got used to spending appropriate amounts of time in his crate but wound up liking it so much that now he sometimes goes in it on his own. I think the crate has become his safe place in this big world. And it certainly brought a lot of relief to my puppy-mom life. Putting Givey in his crate when I left the house or he just needed some timeout helped establish a boundary between his personal space and mine. If he wants to chew something of his in his crate, great. But in the rest of my home, chewing up my stuff isn’t acceptable. Defining what is and is not acceptable is even more important with human relationships. If people are constantly annoying us, frustrating us, exhausting us or running all over us, chances are we either don’t have the right kind of people in our lives or we don’t have the right kind of boundaries. Or maybe it’s both. But if we see the process of implementing boundaries as a one-way ticket to someone thinking we’re unkind, unchristian or uncaring, there will be no relief because we will be consumed with the grief of others not being pleased with us. You might be thinking to yourself, Boundaries don’t bring relief. They can make the other person angry or disappointed enough in me to say hurtful things about me. I just want to keep the peace, so I’ll go along with their attitudes and behavior so that I don’t have to deal with the fallout of addressing all of this. That might appear to work for a while. But without establishing appropriate boundaries, either there will be an eventual emotional explosion of frustration, which you’ll later regret, or simmering resentments that will silently eat away at you until you start distancing yourself from the other person. I’ve been that woman. Sometimes losing my temper because I’d let things go so long I just couldn’t hold back my frustration any longer. Or sometimes biting my tongue so long I lost the desire to stay in that relationship. I’m not proud of either of these extremes. And neither of these reactions matches who I really am as a person. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

I’ve read those verses so many times, and yet I never made the connection that implementing healthy boundaries in my life could actually help me be this kind of woman. This is where I’ve gotten boundaries wrong in the past. Boundaries don’t prevent me from being the best version of myself. Boundaries allow me to be the best version of myself. If I want to be a woman of compassion, good boundaries will help me be more compassionate. If I want to be a woman of grace, good boundaries will help me be more gracious. If I want to be a woman of forgiveness, good boundaries will help me be more forgiving. Good boundaries help us keep the best of who we are intact. Keeping this in mind, we can prayerfully consider where necessary boundaries may be needed in some of the relationships in our lives without the added guilt or worry of what this person may think of us. Just like Givey has learned to thrive within the parameters of his crate, I believe we can learn to thrive in healthy, life-giving relationships, protected by sound, biblical boundaries.

General Discussion / The Last Time I Talked To A Pastor

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 23, 2023, 11:21:01 AM »

https://medium.com/deconstructing-christianity/the-last-time-i-talked-to-a-pastor-3036d3da30bd

The Last Time I Talked To A Pastor
Gina Miller.
Deconstructing Christianity
Aug 28

When I was disinherited, I was not suprized, but it was still difficult to see it in writing, and deal with all the hate again. It was a final slap in the face from the man who was supposed to love me. I needed therapy, but my insurance did not cover mental health. I was playing organ for a Presbyterian church. I decided to talk to one of the two pastors. We are rural and pastors have several churches to cover. I decided to talk to the second one, because I knew the first one had a relinquished relative and had said they were adamant about non-contact with the relinquished relative. I disapproved strongly with this attitude. It is never the fault of the adoptee they are relinquished, and they have every right to know their information. These are the points she made to me in the so-called counselling session.

Abuse happens in biological families.
You should be grateful
Even if there was abuse they did put a roof over your head and food in your mouth. What about all the children who do not have these necessities of life, especially in countries like Africa [sic]
What would happen to all the unwanted babies without adoption? Would they just rot in orphanages or die?
You could have been aborted
Most adoptions are beautiful.
You just had a bad experience.
My neighbor has an adopted son and he turned out fine. He is so grateful she adopted him.
You are just angry.
You need to forgive the people who adopted you. She called them my parents. I don’t call them that.

She then offered to pray for me that I would learn to forgive and to be positive and grateful for my blessings instead of focusing on my past and being so angry. It was the last time I ever spoke to a religious person about adoption. I had learned better. I had shut down a Methodist minister once when he was doing the horrible adopted into the family of god sermon. When he was asking what adoption meant, everyone in the congregation was saying things like love and joy. I raised my hand and said “disposable.” I derailed his sermon. Adoptees are four times more likely to attempt suicide, and eight times more likely to be abused than people living with biological caregivers, and also eight times more likely to abuse substances and be incarcerated. Statistics are from a 2013 study by American Academy of Pediatrics.

ELECTRONIC ARTICLE| AUGUST 01 2001

Adoption as a Risk Factor for Attempted Suicide During Adolescence

Gail Slap, MD;

Elizabeth Goodman, MD;

Bin Huang, MS

https://www.publications.aap.org

However, religious leaders are unconcerned. With declining church membership, offerings are also down, so financing must go on. Adoption is a way to continue financing churches. Many agencies are faith based, and fees can be between 50 thousand to 130 thousand for a white, womb-wet infant. This exchanging of money for an infant is trafficking. It is selling babies. It is not about providing homes for a child in need, it is providing a commodity to someone who can pay. Sell a baby and praise the lawd! We just paid this months mortgage!

Articles / Survivors in Britain urged to share views on national tribute to Ireland’s ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 20, 2023, 12:13:41 PM »

https://www.irishpost.com/news/survivors-in-britain-urged-to-share-views-on-national-tribute-to-irelands-mother-and-baby-home-victims-260125?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=trending

Survivors in Britain urged to share views on national tribute to Ireland’s mother and baby home victims
BY: Fiona Audley
September 07, 2023

SURVIVORS in Britain have been urged to take part in a public consultation on how best to commemorate those who went through Ireland’s brutal mother and baby homes and industrial schools. In March 2022 the Irish Government approved proposals for a National Centre for Research and Remembrance to be located at the site of the former Magdalene Laundry on Sean McDermott Street in Dublin. “This Centre will stand as a site of conscience to honour equally all those who were resident in Industrial Schools, Magdalen Laundries, Mother and Baby and County Home Institutions, Reformatories, and related institutions,” they confirmed.

This month the Department of Foreign Affairs (DFA) has issued a call to those living in Britain who were impacted by these institutions to have their say before the consultation period closes. “The Government has opened this consultation to ensure that development of this centre is guided by the people most directly impacted,” the DFA states.

“Anyone who spent time in one of these institutions, as well as relatives and advocates of those who did, is invited to respond. Their voices are vitally important as feedback from this consultation will directly inform the ongoing work on the development of the centre.”

Although physically situated in Dublin, content from within the proposed National Centre will be accessible in other parts of Ireland, and abroad. This will be made possible through the provision of digital access to some records and exhibits, the Government has confirmed. “The National Centre will be a national institution, which achieves a global and national reach, as well as having strong connections to, and benefits for, the local community,” they add.

Once complete the Centre will feature a museum and exhibition space, a research centre and repository of records related to institutional trauma in the 20th century, and a garden space for reflection and remembrance. In addition, social housing units, educational, family and parenting supports will also be constructed at the site in Dublin. Work is already underway to progress the planning and development stages of the National Centre, with a steering group chaired by Irish Ambassador to Britain, Martin Fraser driving this. “As part of its work, the steering group on behalf of Government is now inviting submissions from interested parties, to an initial, open consultation process,” the Government confirmed.

“This consultation will form an important part of the planning work for the project.”

The steering group is specifically seeking views on “the museum and exhibition space; the research centre and repository of records related to institutional trauma in the 20th century; and the space for reflection and remembrance”, they confirm.