https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/stories-47802296'I ran away to France to keep my baby'
By Ena Miller
4 April 2019
Every year a number of pregnant women flee the UK in an attempt to stop their babies being taken into care. In 2015, Zara was one of them. With her baby due in days she packed a small bag and left everything behind. But once she had crossed the Channel, things went badly wrong. There's a photograph of Zara in a garden in France, holding her passport in front of her huge belly. She's looking proud. The passport signifies freedom she has taken back control. And soon she will give birth to a child that she's hoping she'll be allowed to keep. A week earlier Zara had been sitting in her living room in England, scouring the internet. Thirty-seven weeks pregnant, she had begun to doubt that social services would allow her to keep her baby. Her plan had been to work with them this time, to convince them that she was capable of being a mother. But they had not given her a Yes or a No and the baby was about to arrive. Zara was already well known to social services. Her first child had been taken into care when she was 16, at a time when she was suicidal, she says and had been asked to leave her foster home. Her second child was taken two years later, while she was in an abusive relationship with an older man. "Removal is just like losing a child. You feel compelled to be a mother and there's a child-shaped hole in your heart that needs filling," she says. "I've never really recovered."
But a few years had elapsed before she became pregnant with her third child, and this one she thought she might be allowed to keep. "When I became pregnant for the third time it was a new beginning. I thought it was OK to move on and start again. I was living in hope," Zara says. "I wanted to be the mum I was never allowed to be, because of abusive relationships and my volatile family situation."
She hadn't told her family about her pregnancy. The only people she felt she could speak to were strangers online - hundreds of them, in Facebook groups set up to allow people to vent, support and advise each other on social services and child removal. These strangers fuelled Zara's anxieties and made her situation seem hopeless, she says. "I was being told that my child would be removed and the only solution was to leave the country and leave now," she says.
So when Zara was invited by a British woman in one of the Facebook groups to stay with her in France, outside UK jurisdiction, she seized the chance. "She offered me a job and accommodation, and sold me a new life," she says.
Within four hours, Zara was in London taking her seat on a Eurostar train. She only had a small bag. She'd packed things for her baby, stuffed in enough underwear to last a week and found space for one change of clothes. "It was absolutely mental and horrible. My heart was pounding and my head was a mess," she says. "I didn't understand what I was doing, it was robotic. Pack, book my ticket, check, double-check. Up until then, I was fighting to keep my baby in the UK, but then there was a shift. It was huge, drastic, frightening and life-changing."
After accepting the woman's invitation and booking her ticket, she was advised to contact a man called Ian Josephs. Once a councillor in the UK, now a wealthy resident of Monaco, he runs a website where he campaigns against forced adoptions. He offers advice to people dealing with social services, or the family courts. He also sometimes provides financial help to families who run from the UK to countries such as France, Cyprus, Ireland, and Spain. And for many, this makes him a hero testimonials on his website thank him for his assistance. He said he would reimburse Zara's travel costs; if she showed him proof of social services involvement, travel receipts and evidence of her pregnancy, the money would be transferred once she was in France. When Zara arrived at Paris's Gare du Nord station, the woman she had met online was there to greet her. It turned out she was pregnant too. They hugged as though they were old friends. It was the height of summer and they set off on a long journey along "cute" country roads. Then the car came to a halt. "We stopped in the middle of nowhere. I thought we were taking a break but was told the barn in front of me was my new home," Zara says.
But a few years had elapsed before she became pregnant with her third child, and this one she thought she might be allowed to keep. "When I became pregnant for the third time it was a new beginning. I thought it was OK to move on and start again. I was living in hope," Zara says. "I wanted to be the mum I was never allowed to be, because of abusive relationships and my volatile family situation."
She hadn't told her family about her pregnancy. The only people she felt she could speak to were strangers online hundreds of them, in Facebook groups set up to allow people to vent, support and advise each other on social services and child removal. These strangers fuelled Zara's anxieties and made her situation seem hopeless, she says. "I was being told that my child would be removed and the only solution was to leave the country and leave now," she says.
So when Zara was invited by a British woman in one of the Facebook groups to stay with her in France, outside UK jurisdiction, she seized the chance. "She offered me a job and accommodation, and sold me a new life," she says.
Within four hours, Zara was in London taking her seat on a Eurostar train. She only had a small bag. She'd packed things for her baby, stuffed in enough underwear to last a week and found space for one change of clothes. "It was absolutely mental and horrible. My heart was pounding and my head was a mess," she says.
"I didn't understand what I was doing, it was robotic. Pack, book my ticket, check, double-check. Up until then, I was fighting to keep my baby in the UK, but then there was a shift. It was huge, drastic, frightening and life-changing."
After accepting the woman's invitation and booking her ticket, she was advised to contact a man called Ian Josephs. Once a councillor in the UK, now a wealthy resident of Monaco, he runs a website where he campaigns against forced adoptions. He offers advice to people dealing with social services, or the family courts. He also sometimes provides financial help to families who run from the UK to countries such as France, Cyprus, Ireland and Spain. And for many, this makes him a hero testimonials on his website thank him for his assistance. He said he would reimburse Zara's travel costs; if she showed him proof of social services involvement, travel receipts and evidence of her pregnancy, the money would be transferred once she was in France. When Zara arrived at Paris's Gare du Nord station, the woman she had met online was there to greet her. It turned out she was pregnant too. They hugged as though they were old friends. It was the height of summer and they set off on a long journey along "cute" country roads. Then the car came to a halt. "We stopped in the middle of nowhere. I thought we were taking a break but was told the barn in front of me was my new home," Zara says.
But a few years had elapsed before she became pregnant with her third child, and this one she thought she might be allowed to keep. "When I became pregnant for the third time it was a new beginning. I thought it was OK to move on and start again. I was living in hope," Zara says. "I wanted to be the mum I was never allowed to be, because of abusive relationships and my volatile family situation."
She hadn't told her family about her pregnancy. The only people she felt she could speak to were strangers online - hundreds of them, in Facebook groups set up to allow people to vent, support and advise each other on social services and child removal. These strangers fuelled Zara's anxieties and made her situation seem hopeless, she says. "I was being told that my child would be removed and the only solution was to leave the country and leave now," she says.
So when Zara was invited by a British woman in one of the Facebook groups to stay with her in France, outside UK jurisdiction, she seized the chance. "She offered me a job and accommodation, and sold me a new life," she says.
Within four hours, Zara was in London taking her seat on a Eurostar train. She only had a small bag. She'd packed things for her baby, stuffed in enough underwear to last a week and found space for one change of clothes. "It was absolutely mental and horrible. My heart was pounding and my head was a mess," she says. "I didn't understand what I was doing, it was robotic. Pack, book my ticket, check, double-check. "Up until then I was fighting to keep my baby in the UK, but then there was a shift. It was huge, drastic, frightening and life-changing."
After accepting the woman's invitation and booking her ticket, she was advised to contact a man called Ian Josephs. Once a councillor in the UK, now a wealthy resident of Monaco, he runs a website where he campaigns against forced adoptions. He offers advice to people dealing with social services, or the family courts. He also sometimes provides financial help to families who run from the UK to countries such as France, Cyprus, Ireland and Spain. And for many this makes him a hero - testimonials on his website thank him for his assistance.
He said he would reimburse Zara's travel costs; if she showed him proof of social services involvement, travel receipts and evidence of her pregnancy, the money would be transferred once she was in France. When Zara arrived at Paris's Gare du Nord station, the woman she had met online was there to greet her. It turned out she was pregnant too. They hugged as though they were old friends. It was the height of summer and they set off on a long journey along "cute" country roads. Then the car came to a halt. "We stopped in the middle of nowhere. I thought we were taking a break but was told the barn in front of me was my new home," Zara says.
She readily admits that she has made bad choices, and she has a message for others in her situation. "My first mistake was posting my life on social media forums and asking for help," she says. "Fight your battles here, don't run away. If I hadn't fled my child may not have been taken from me and I wouldn't have been labelled a flight risk. I wish I had never gone. I am sharing my story so someone else doesn't make the mistakes I made. Don't turn to people online who are going to give you bad advice. Don't be bullied into making decisions that you never wanted to make in the first place."
Zara and Kelly are pseudonyms
