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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15129155/My-mum-raped-grooming-gangs-predator-just-schoolgirl-police-failed-again.html

My mum was raped by a grooming gangs predator when she was just a schoolgirl and police have failed us again

    Do YOU have a story? Email p.thirunimalan@dailymail.co.uk

By PIRIYANGA THIRUNIMALAN, SENIOR REPORTER

Published: 14:46, 27 September 2025 | Updated: 14:46, 27 September 2025

Jodie Sheeran was just 14 years old when she was raped by a member of a grooming gang.  She was plied with Malibu before being taken to a hotel room by a group of older men for an 'Eid party'.  When she regained consciousness hours later she was horrified to find she had been raped and abandoned at a hotel in Blurton, Staffordshire.  When her parents rushed to the police station to see her, she was 'delirious' and 'under the influence', and was covered in a 'sort of a curry powder' all over her body.  After Jodie called the police on that night in 2004, a man in his mid-20s was arrested and charged, but in a devastating blow to the family, the CPS dropped the case the day before it was to reach trial.  Nearly two decades later in 2022, Jodie tragically died having never found justice.  And now the family, including Jodie's son Jayden, 19, who was conceived as a result of that traumatic night, have been left feeling let down by authorities once again.  Jodie's parents Ange and David were led to believe for years that a piece of evidence gathered following the attack was not available anymore, only to now find out that it still exists, but had not been viewed by prosecutors in their investigation.  Jodie had given a police interview on the night of the rape, but it has emerged the footage was not watched by the CPS as it 'was not shared with' them and they were not aware of its existence.  They were instead only provided with detailed notes of the interview.  The reason the tape never reached the CPS remains unclear as Staffordshire Police have confirmed the recording, which the family say they were repeatedly told did not exist, was available when the case was reviewed in 2019 and in 2023 when the investigation was reopened.  The CPS have said they requested all available evidence from the police when conducting the review, but were not provided with it or informed of its existence.  It was only in August this year that the CPS were made aware of the availability of the footage.  Ange told Sky News this week: 'I don't know if I've been misled [or] it was an accident.  To suddenly say evidence has been there all along and I've got every single letter, every email to tell me they haven't got the evidence any more and then it's emerged Staffordshire Police did have the evidence after all it was shocking really.'

David accused the police and CPS of not knowing 'what one another were doing', adding that the made failure has made them 'so angry'.  Jayden, who has been campaigning for his mum's justice relentlessly, said it 'feels like they've gotten away with it', and that while he's 'grateful' the evidence has been found, he questioned what has been done about it.  After watching the tape last month, the CPS concluded that the interview notes taken down by an officer was an accurate copy of what was said in the interview, and that their view that there was not enough evidence to charge the suspect remains unchanged.  A Staffordshire Police spokesperson said the interview was 'available to the senior investigating officers in 2019 and 2023' and a 'comprehensive written record' was provided to the CPS on both occasions.  They explained: 'In August 2025, a copy of the recording was provided to the CPS who conducted due diligence to ensure the contemporaneous written record of Jodie's ABE (Achieving Best Evidence) interview, that they reviewed in 2019 and 2023, was an accurate account of the video recording. They have confirmed this is the case.'

The CPS said reviews carried out in 2019 and 2023 found there was not enough evidence to charge the suspect with rape, and that while all available records were requested during these reviews, Jodie's video interview was not shared with them.  They added: 'The way the CPS handles these cases has changed significantly over the last two decades, however we recognise this offers little comfort to Jodie’s family and we continue to offer them our deepest condolences for the loss they have endured.'

A police spokesperson assured: 'Today, and throughout the investigation and reviews, our thoughts have remained with Jodie’s family and friends. We do not underestimate what they have been through.  A significant amount of work has been undertaken reviewing this case several times over the last eight years.'

The force said the Professional Standards Department at Staffordshire Police investigated a complaint from Jodie’s mother about the handling of this case in 2024 but no police failings were identified in the 2004/05 handling of the case and the investigation was 'to the required standard'.

They confirmed case has been submitted for further evidential review, adding that if any new evidence were to surface, it would be referred to the CPS 'for their consideration'.  Earlier this year, the Daily Mail conducted a sit-down interview with Jayden and Ange in which they detailed their fight for justice, and the everyday difficulties Jayden has faced as a child of rape.  Any opportunity of having a 'normal' relationship with his mum was 'robbed' from him before he was even born, and he has had to grow up knowing that his 'father' is a rapist who roams free.  He told the Daily Mail: 'Just growing up I always felt a bit different to everyone else.  I never called her mum. I always called her by her name. I never ever called her mum or anything like that. Just because I didn't know anything else.'

Jayden is now fighting for more support to be awarded to children of rape who are now officially recognised as victims in their own right under the Victims Bill and is also in the process of suing authorities over their failures to protect both Jodie and him.  Following her death to alcohol ketoacidosis, Jodie's mum Ange requested the CPS to reopen the case into her daughter's rape, but claims she was told to 'let it go'.  About a week or so after the rape, Jodie had to go to a clinic for sexually transmitted diseases, which is where it was found she was pregnant.  Jodie decided to keep the baby, but was moved to a safe house after she was met with threats from groups of Asian men to drop the charges, leading to her giving birth miles from home under an alias and using secret passwords.  When Jayden was born, Jodie is said to have held him up, looked at him, and said 'take him away now, get him off me'.

From just a few months old, Jodie's parents Ange and Dave took shared parental responsibility of Jayden and took the lead role in bringing him up.  Describing how his complex relationship with his mum has affected him, he said: 'It's mental. I can't describe how it makes you feel.  She was lovely with me, she would do anything for me, but our relationship was more like brother and sister.  All mates would say 'oh my mums making tea, this and that' and all my mates when I was at school used to ask 'why don't you call your mum, mum,' and I didn't know, I just thought it was normal. I hadn't even questioned it.  And now, knowing how my mum felt when she gave birth to me, that's sent me even more west.   The way I've been feeling over the last couple years it's hard to describe.'

The family say the effects of grooming, paired with the CPS' 'failure' to prosecute her rapist, meant Jodie struggled throughout her life to overcome the ordeal.  She would fall in and out of alcoholism and would find herself in abusive relationships.  But she would never mention her rapist, bar one occasion.  Ange said: 'She mentioned him to me once.  As Jayden was getting older, she turned round and said 'do you think he looks like...' and she said his name.  She said 'do you think he looks like him?   That was the only time she mentioned him like that. It was heartbreaking.'

While Ange knew the name of her rapist, she never came face-to-face with him.  Jayden, however, has had encounters with him, and says he now constantly 'looks over his back' as he speaks out about his mother's rape publicly.  He said: 'While my mum was alive, he rang me on the phone.  I was trying to get in contact with him, this was before she passed away, and he was saying to me that if I went to live with him that he'd look after me but that I'd have to follow his rules, this and that.  And he was saying that he needed to see me and my mum.  But I didn't even tell my mum I was speaking to him at this point so I said no.  After that I didn't get back in contact with him or anything like that.  But when my mum passed away a couple of years later, I'd gotten hold of him again and he was like 'I don't know who you are'.   He was nasty, you could tell he was a nasty man.  He was trying to meet up with me, and I didn't know what he was going to do if he met up with me so that's why I tried to keep myself to myself and kept my head down.  And then a few weeks ago when I finished work I saw him in a takeaway but he didn't even recognise me.  He didn't recognise me at all.  I knew it was him straight away and I thought 'if I say the wrong thing now I don't know what could happen'. It was very intimidating.  I did say 'do you know who I am' as I was leaving, and he came back with a nasty comment.  He said something like 'do you know who I am little boy?'  I just walked away.'

While Jayden and the family feel let down at the fact Jodie's rapist is still able to roam the streets, he says this is a wider scale issue and there are 'more out there' like him.  He said: 'He is just one of them.  I can't stand him, I'll never understand why he's done what he's done.  But he's just one of them, he's one of a bad bunch, and there's more out there like him.'

Jayden now has a son of his own.  He said: 'My partner at the time was pregnant when my mum was still alive so my mum knew I was going to have a baby.  And then it was the February after the November she died that he was born, so obviously I was still broken at this time.  It ruined mine and my son's relationship.  It was really bad.  Now having my own son, I know I never got to have that relationship with my mum, I was robbed of it.  That's why I now take a step up with my son because I never had a dad, so I'll be there for my son as much as I can.'

The family have recently detailed Jodie's story in a new documentary produced by Rotherham grooming gang survivor Sammy Woodhouse.  They are campaigning for the grooming gang inquiry to be taken seriously as they say they believe the issue is rife across the UK.  Jayden said: 'I presume this has happened in every single town, every city in Great Britain.  100 per cent it will be.  I'm determined to do whatever it takes to get it sorted. I'll do whatever it takes.'

Speaking of her grandson's plight, Ange looked at Jayden as she said: 'It's heartbreaking because it's ruined him for life.  Ruined him for life.  I used to have a lot of dreams and things like that but they're all out the window for me now', Jayden added.

'Hopefully I can find a way through but as it stands I don't see a way out.'  I didn't even know it was grooming'

Ange remembers vividly how her daughter's personality changed before she was abused by the gang.  However,  she admits that more than 20 years ago she had never heard of the term 'grooming'.   I didn't even know it was grooming back then, I didn't even know it was grooming,' Ange said as she spoke in the conservatory of their home.  It was only when I watched the drama Three Girls and Jodie was sitting next to me that I said 'oh my god, that's a replica of you.'  And that's when I knew then that she'd been groomed.'

Detailing how the grooming began when Jodie was around 13, she said: 'You could see a change in her, in her personality, her behaviour.  She was going missing, not coming in at the right time, things like this.  In 2003, my other daughter, Chantelle, she contracted meningococcal septicemia, and it was terrible. So she was rushed to A&E in an ambulance, and by the time she got to the hospital she was covered, she was black and blue.  Anyway, my husband went, and I had to stay because I had a baby at the time. And the hospital rang and said can all the family get up here you need to say your goodbyes.  So obviously she had to be resuscitated, sedated, everything like that. This was when we were living at the hospital.  Jodie had been her behaviour had changed, going missing, prior to this. But we must have been living at the hospital for about two months and in that time, this is when she was vulnerable.  I put my hands up, I couldn't give her the attention she deserved. I did my best with all of them but it was so so hard not knowing if your daughter is going to live or die. She was eleven years old.  So this is when she'd go missing. She wouldn't come the hospital with us. She'd physically try to jump out of the car, the bedroom window.  It was terrible. Honestly the amount of times I would report her missing because I was told to report her missing every single time which I did.  And then she'd arrive back early hours of the morning and they'd either leave her on my front door or my back doorstep and she was just out of it, completely from drink or whatever it was.  The police each time they brought her back they said 'look if she keeps doing what she's doing, she's putting herself in danger, if she keeps doing what she's doing, she's going to end up dead or raped.'  They knew what was happening at the time because they were finding her in cars with older men. They were all older than her, she was 14.  Not once were they in trouble. It was always Jodie, making out like she was that naughty girl, that tearaway, that runaway.'

Recalling the night the rape happened, she said she had once again reported Jodie missing to the police.  It was around 2 or 3am that they then had a knock on the door from the police, informing them that they had Jodie and that she was asking for them.  Ange said of when she got to Longton Police Station and saw Jodie: 'I'd never seen anything like it.  She was under the influence. She was delirious, delirious.   The reports after they tested her blood, they said the amount of alcohol in her system, she wouldn't have known what planet she was on because of her body weight.  Then she kept saying 'they've stabbed me, they've injected me with something', she kept pointing to her leg.  She was covered in like all this curry thing. It was all over her. I was like 'what have they done to you'.

CCTV cameras at Tollgate Hotel, Blurton, is said to have shown a group of older men taking Jodie up the stairs to a hotel room that night.  But, Ange added: 'That wasn't the only hotel she'd been to.  Because many a time we'd drive if we were out going cricket grounds or something and she'd say 'oh I've stayed there mum, been there, been there'.  She kept saying when she'd go missing 'well I've got a boyfriend.'

The gangs would groom her with gifts including mobile phones and alcohol, and would get her to meet up in spaces like car washes.  It was the gifts. She'd have like mobile phones and I'd be like where've you got that from?  She was 13. These men were about 24, 25.'

A Crown Prosecution Service spokesperson said: 'Our thoughts remain with Jodie Sheeran's family after her tragic death.  In 2005, the case against the suspect in Jodie's case was discontinued because the legal test for a prosecution was no longer met, a decision that was independently reviewed in 2019 by a different prosecutor who reached the same conclusion.  Child sexual abuse and exploitation are appalling crimes and since 2005 we have made significant investment in how we prosecute these complex cases.  This includes the recruitment of dedicated victim liaison officers across the country to better support victims of rape and sexual offences, and the creation of a dedicated Organised Child Sexual Abuse Unit to tackle these awful crimes.'
 
'My daughter's death is being used as a political game'

Both Ange and Jayden told of how they've tried every avenue they could to find justice for Jodie but felt that 'not one person in authority cared'.  Instead, they felt Jodie's death was being used by politicians for their own motives.  Ange told MailOnline: 'It's like they try and make it into a political game.  Some politicians they even said to me, 'well you know you need to change your votes'.  They were all blaming Keir Starmer.  Well the Conservatives have been in power and they're all the same.  I wouldn't vote for any of them.  They're trying to turn my daughter's death into a political game.  Every party that's been in power, none of them have done anything.'

The pair also criticised people's attempts to make it 'about race'.  Jayden said: 'It doesn't matter about the race in my opinion.  Look at me, I'm an Asian male myself, I know plenty of Asian males who I get along with very well.  It's not about race at all. I really want to get the point of it's not about the race, it's going on everywhere.  There's dirty males out there who just want to abuse women because they know they've got that power over women.  People will look at our story and try and throw shade on immigrants. This is nothing to do with that.  It's all races, it's everywhere. It's not one particular race.  I think people need to understand it's going on everywhere, it's all different races, and it's disgusting.'

Ange added: 'We've got a lot of Muslim friends because we were brought up in the cricket world, and we've got so many Muslim friends and they've been messaging us, sending us messages saying 'we apologise, we can't believe our Muslim community have done such a thing.'  They shouldn't have to do that, should they?  I think it's just a little minority in each town, it's just a little minority. A minority of our people are horrible too.  People are jumping on the bandwagon going 'deport, deport'.  No.'

On their lack of faith in the authorities, they told of how they feel ignored, with no politicians, police or the CPS willing to take their daughter's case or the overall grooming gang seriously.  Jayden said: 'It just feels like your wasting your time.  You go around in circles.  We even travelled all the way to London just to get our point across. It felt like they listened to what we had to say for ten minutes then told us to bugger off.'

Ange echoed his views, saying: 'Our local MP hasn't even had the decency to respond.  We just get turned away because no-one wants to talk to you at all, they don't want to get their name involved in something like this.  Every time I've gone to anyone, nobody has wanted to help. There's only Sammy Woodhouse that helped me. That's because she's a lived-in experience.  I lost faith in the police, the CPS, social services. I've lost all my faith in everyone.   There is not one person in authority that cares. Not one.  It just makes you think what would they do if it was one of their children.  One of the police officers couldn't even get her [Jodie] name right when I went to the independent review.  I was in tears.  My MP just got up and walked out without even saying 'I'm just leaving the room'.  And their parting words basically were 'you've got to let this go, you're fighting a losing battle' sort of thing.'

The documentary on Tousi TV has now been made free for the public to watch on YouTube.  Jayden said: 'That's why we're grateful for the documentary coming out because it's not coming out from the government or anything.  They've not done this.  My nan has had to go out of her own way while she is going through all this to do it herself.  Which in my eyes are unbelievable.  You get all different politicians and nothing gets done.  Every year it gets worse.  I don't really have much to do with governance or politics. I just know the governments are all the same.  They're just trying to get that promotion.  We lost faith in the authorities a long time ago.'

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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15048347/minneapolis-shooter-robin-westman-adopted-daughter.html

The family secret that Minneapolis shooter's mother kept hidden for two decades

    READ MORE: What really happened to Minneapolis shooter's 'missing' mom

By DANA KENNEDY IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA

Published: 00:32, 30 August 2025 | Updated: 06:53, 30 August 2025

The mother of Minneapolis shooter Robin Westman appeared in a movie about her reunion with a daughter she put up for adoption as a child, the Daily Mail can reveal.  Years after giving up her baby, Mary Grace Westman, now 67, went on to became a devout Catholic and anti-abortion activist who once held a crucifix in protest outside a Planned Parenthood clinic.  Mary Grace has so far refused to cooperate with police seeking information about her son.  She flew to Minnesota on Wednesday afternoon, within hours of the shocking attack at the Church of the Annunciation Catholic School that left two children dead and 18 injured.  Faryl Amadeus, 44, a Los Angeles-based filmmaker, wrote and directed the film 'Mary Meet Grace' in 2021, a fictional retelling of her real-life reunion with her biological mother, Mary Grace.  In interviews, Amadeus - who grew up in Brooklyn, New York, with her adoptive family and was then known as Rachel Millet has since formed a close bond with Mary Grace.  Amadeus, who did not return calls or emails from the Daily Mail, writes on her website that she was adopted and 'shipped from Kentucky, like a box of whiskey' to New York.  'I was in foster care for a month before I was adopted, and that family sent me a card every birthday,' Amadeus said in 2021.

'It meant so much to me to know I wasn't just, like, in a basket somewhere.'

Amadeus was adopted by the Millet family in Brooklyn. The woman believed to be her adoptive mother, Jamie Millet, was not reachable by the Daily Mail on Friday.  Amadeus told the Nerd Daily in 2021 that her film was 'inspired by that intense yearning an adoptee can feel for who they are and where they come from'.  'My birth mother, who appears in the film, found me in 2005 and we later reunited with my bio dad in 2012. The emotional mystery of adoption could fuel countless stories,' she added.

'I love being adopted. It's strange and sad and wonderful.'

Amadeus writes about her birth mother contacting her in 2005 and eventually travelling to Minnesota to meet her 'five half-siblings', who include Robin Westman.  On social media, Amadeus has posted photos of Mary Grace and her half-siblings, including transgender Robin, born Robert Westman.  Mary Grace did not return messages from the Daily Mail on Friday, nor did Ryan Garry, the criminal defense attorney she hired this week in Minneapolis.  FBI agents descended on Mary Grace's first floor condo in Naples, Florida, on Wednesday after she reportedly refused to cooperate with authorities investigating the mass shooting.  But she had already flown to Minnesota, in such a hurry that she called a friend to tell her she feared she had left the patio door open. Police were dispatched to check on the home's security.  Robin Westman graduated from Annunciation Catholic School in 2017. Mary Grace used to work at the school's church but retired five years ago, social media posts show.  Amadeus's last name is courtesy of her husband of many years, Nick Amadeus, also a native New Yorker who is a writer and composer. Among other projects, he co-wrote the screenplay for the 2021 film Separation, co-starring Meryl Streep's daughter Mamie Gummer.  He is the son of actor and writer John Scoullar and actress Linda Robbins, who appeared in the original Broadway production of Amadeus, which her son chose as a stage name.  The couple have two daughters and currently live in LA, according to information online. Faryl received a BFA from NYU's Tisch School of the Arts.  Mary Grace's brother, Robert Heleringer, a longtime Louisville member of the Kentucky House of Representatives. He told the AP this week that he was Robin Westman's uncle but hardly knew his nephew.  He hung up on a Daily Mail reporter on Friday.

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https://edition.cnn.com/2025/08/01/asia/south-korean-adoptees-reuniting-families-reconnecting-harder-hnk?Date=20250802&Profile=CNN+International&utm_content=1754116201&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&fbclid=IwY2xjawMVcH5leHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHgV0MT1NhJZ33LnR0o2N9nJZxAsrdKmAPk96WBbaCC3OXms7XltAcTaqwDc4_aem_gwatN_9uiferkDXBz6inrQ

Korean adoptees in the US and Europe are finding their families. Reconnecting is much harder
By Yoonjung Seo, Hanna Park and Hilary Whiteman, CNN
Updated 7:36 PM EDT, Sat August 2, 2025
Seoul CNN 

Marianne Ok Nielsen never wanted children, or a family of her own. She used to tell friends she didn’t feel worthy of that kind of life.  For most of her 52 years, she believed she’d been abandoned by her parents as a baby; found on the street in 1973 by police in Daejeon, South Korea, a city about 90 miles south of the capital Seoul.  “I was discarded like garbage. Nobody wanted me.  That’s what I was,” said Nielsen, who grew up in Denmark, the home of her adoptive parents. “When your mom doesn’t even want you, who would want you? Can you then be loved by anyone?”

Her Danish mother, who passed away last year, once told Nielsen that her birth mother had probably “given her up out of love” because she couldn’t afford to raise her.  It was a story likely told to console a child, but one that provided cover to a lucrative business built on the “mass exportation” of babies some with fake names and birth dates to foreign parents in at least 11 countries, South Korea’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission reported this year, in the first official recognition of the scale of the injustice.  The commission found more than 141,000 Korean children were sent abroad between the 1950s and 1990s, primarily to the United States and Europe. In a society that shunned unwed mothers, some women were pressured to give up their infants soon after giving birth. Others grieved stolen children.   Han Tae-soon, 73, still recalls the sound of her 4-year-old daughter’s laughter as she skipped off to play with friends outside their home in Cheongju, South Korea, a provincial city about 70 miles south of Seoul, in 1975.  “I was heading to the market and left Kyung-ha with a couple of her friends,” Han told CNN. “When I returned, my daughter was gone.”

Han, then 22, would not see Kyung-ha again until decades had weathered them both. Nielsen, seeking her own family in circumstances similar to Han’s, also finally met the mother she thought had dumped her like trash.  After a lifetime of separation, the cruelty of South Korea’s foreign adoptions is only now becoming clear as reunited children and mothers struggle to communicate through different languages and cultures.  Han’s baby now has a life of her own in America. And in Nielsen’s case, time and old age have robbed her mother of most memories she ever existed.

A fake abandonment

Growing up in the small Danish town of Gedved, Nielsen said she longed to be “more Danish than the Danes.”

“I would avoid looking myself in the mirror because I was trying so desperately to be White trying so desperately to convince everybody else that I was White,” she said. If her parents didn’t want her, she didn’t want anything to do with them or Korea.

Nielsen said she didn’t question her origins until, when she was an adult, a four-year-old boy the son of a man she was dating asked where her birth mother was.  When she explained that she couldn’t find her because no records remained, the boy said, “If somebody had done that to me, I would cry all the time!”

In that moment, Nielsen realized she’d suppressed her feelings her entire life. “Maybe a small baby inside of me has also been crying all the time,” she said.

In 2016, she took a DNA test through 325Kamra, a US-based non-profit organization helping Korean adoptees to reunite with families.  For years, there were no results. But last May, everything changed.  She received a text message: “A possible family match has been found.”

Her older brother had registered his DNA with Korean police, hoping to locate his missing sister.  Nielsen had finally found her family.  “For 51 years, I believed I was abandoned in the street, that I was an orphan. I never imagined in a million years that I had a family, and that they had been searching for me,” she said.

An alleged abduction

When Han’s daughter Kyung-ha went missing, the family combed watermelon fields near their home, fearing she may have wandered off and drowned in a waste tank.  Han visited police stations daily, begging for help to find her missing child. But when pressed for information, authorities suggested she consult fortune tellers for answers, she said.  In 1981, she opened a hair salon in Anyang, southwest of the capital, and hung an old photo of Kyung-ha in the mirror for customers to see.   She visited radio stations, distributed flyers, and appeared on a television program in 1990 that led to a tip and a painful deception. A 20-year-old woman came forward to claim she was Kyung-ha, and when questioned by Han, seemed to give enough answers to confirm her identity. “I asked, ‘What does your dad do?’ and she said, ‘He drives a taxi.’ So, I brought her back with me,” Han said.

Han’s husband, however, was unconvinced. “That’s not Kyung-ha,” he told her as she stepped through the gate of their home.

Still, Han, desperate for closure, opened her home to the stranger.  Han would not learn the truth until two years later, when the young woman prepared for her wedding.  “The moment I saw you, I thought, ‘I wish that woman were my mom,’ so I lied,” she admitted, Han said.

The woman, who had been abandoned at an orphanage by her own mother, packed her belongings and left town.  So, like Nielsen, Han turned to DNA testing through 325Kamra for proof of a genetic link.  Like Nielsen, Han found a match.  Her missing daughter Kyung-ha was now living in the United States under the name given to her by her adoptive parents, Laurie Bender.  Bender’s child had submitted her mother’s DNA to the same agency nearly a decade ago in search of answers, Han said.  In all the years Han searched for her child, she said she never thought to look beyond South Korea.  “I thought she might have been taken in by a childless couple within Korea or, if she was alive, living somewhere in the country,” Han said. “The idea of adoption especially international adoption never crossed my mind.”

Bender did not respond to CNN’s interview request, but in 2019 she told South Korean television network MBC that on May 9, 1975, she’d “followed a lady onto a train.”

“I ended up going to the end of the line at the train station. I went to the police station that was right there, and they put me in a Jeep and took me to the orphanage,” she said.

Han alleges the woman lured 4-year-old Kyung-ha to a train station in Jecheon, roughly 40 miles from their home, and abandoned her. “Even now, I don’t know who that lady was,” Han said.

Han says the police drove Kyung-ha to Jecheon Infant Home, then headed by director Jane White, an American missionary. Records show that in February 1976, nine months after her disappearance, the child was sent to the US.  The travel document issued by South Korea’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs, which authorizes international travel for adoption, replaced her last name, in Korean, with that of White, and listed the address of Holt Children’s Services as her own.  Jecheon Infant Home told CNN in a statement that White, now 89, is unable to move or communicate after suffering a “sudden illness” in April 2020.  “Since no one other than Jane White can accurately confirm the details of that period, we ask for your understanding that we are unable to respond to Ms. Han Tae-soon’s allegations,” the statement said.

CNN has reached out to Holt Children’s Services for comment.
Identities lost, falsified and fabricated

Holt International was founded in the 1950s by American couple Harry and Bertha Holt, Christians who adopted eight Korean children after the Korean War and set out to replicate their experience for other families.

At the time, South Korea was recovering from grinding post-war poverty, and records show a notable increase in international adoptions as the country’s authoritarian rulers pushed for rapid economic growth in the 1970s and ’80s.

In 1977, Holt International separated from its Korean entity, Holt Children’s Services. Last October, Holt International said in a statement it was one of many private agencies facilitating “adoptions from Korea during the 1980s.”

“Reports of unethical or illegal adoption practices” were “alarming,” the statement said, but added that many news reports omit the social pressures on unwed mothers to give up their babies.

“We remain committed to assisting Korean adoptees and adoptive parents with their questions and concerns,” Holt International told CNN in a statement.

The commission found that Korea’s Special Adoption Act for Orphans in 1961 expedited international adoptions after the Korean War and later included the babies of unwed mothers, abandoned infants and children deemed to need “protection.”  All adoption-related processes were entrusted to private adoption agencies which lost, falsified or fabricated the identities and family information of many children, the commission’s report said.  Large numbers of children endured long flights without proper care, according to the report, which included a black-and-white image of infants strapped into airline seats on a flight out of South Korea to Denmark in 1984.  Yooree Kim, now 52, remembers being on a similar flight to France, and trying to comfort the crying babies strapped into seats next to her by stroking their faces and letting her hair brush against their skin.    Then 11, Kim was much older than the babies around her. She and her younger brother had a happy early childhood in Korea, but after their parents divorced, they moved in with their grandparents.  When their grandmother was diagnosed with tuberculosis, they went back to their mother, but money was tight, so she placed them in a private childcare facility in May 1983.  The move was supposed to be temporary, but by that Christmas, Kim and her brother would be sent to France.  Kim said she was told their parents had “abandoned” them. She said she was abused by her adoptive father in France, allegations he denied before his death in 2022, according to Kim.  Ten years after her adoption, Kim returned to Seoul in 1994 and discovered the truth.  “When I first met my mother, she cried and told me she had nothing to do with my adoption.  My father got down on his knees and apologized. He told me he had nothing to do with it either,” she said.

Kim said her mother told her she used to work at an orphanage and trusted the facility to take care of her children, but when she went back to retrieve them, they had gone.  For Kim, finding her family wasn’t enough. She wants full transparency from everyone involved in what she calls a traumatic and deeply flawed process.  While the commission does not have mandating powers, it recommended that the government and private adoption agencies apologize for their role in violating children’s rights.  South Korean adoptions are now subject to stronger oversight. Under a law passed in 2023, private agencies must transfer all remaining records of international adoptions to the National Center for the Rights of the Child, a government agency, this month.  And from October, South Korea will be bound by the Hague Intercountry Adoption Convention that sets international standards to protect children against abduction, trafficking or sale.  But families torn apart by forced adoptions say that’s not enough.  “I want an apology and compensation,” Kim told CNN.

The reunions

After several phone calls with Han, Bender flew to Seoul in 2019, where the pair reunited at the airport. Han had held on to the image of her daughter as the lively 4-year-old clinging to her skirt. But she was faced with a woman shaped by 44 years of separation.  “The first thing I asked her was, ‘Why did you go to America?’ I had never imagined she could be there,” Han said.

Her hands, trained by three decades of hairdressing, sought proof of her daughter’s identity that her eyes couldn’t provide. Stroking her daughter’s head, tracing her scalp and even feeling the shape of her ears, Han was certain. “This time, it was really my child. The texture of her hair can’t be stolen.”

A pair of shoes further confirmed Bender was Kyung-ha. She’d kept the shoes she wore on the day she went missing.  “The rubber had deteriorated after 44 years. They had crumbled and flattened, but the shape was still there. She had kept the shoes all this time,” Han said. “Can you imagine how much she must have wanted to find her parents?”

Han, who carries herself with unabashed resolve, speaks with a feisty candor after years spent grappling with grief.  She is angered by the lost time and the language barrier that now stands between her and her American daughter.  “If we hadn’t been separated back then, I would be able to say everything I want to her now,” Han said. “But now, even when I try to talk to her, there’s so much misunderstanding. Even after reuniting, we feel like strangers because we can’t truly communicate.”

Han still resides in Anyang, tending to a life shaped by loss. Her spotless three-bedroom apartment, tucked in a quiet complex, is filled with photos of Bender’s younger brother and sister. Bender’s photos are there, too, but a gap exists between images of her as a baby and the adult she is today.  Last October, Han was among the first known Korean birth parents to sue the government, the orphanage and Holt Children’s Services the country’s largest adoption agency for damages over wrongful adoption. Her case is due to return to court in September.  For Han, the fight is not just a way to reckon with her loss it’s about accountability. She’s seeking monetary damages but says no amount of compensation will make up for what was taken from her.  “I want to reveal the truth. Why? Because the government stole children and sold them,” she claims. “They didn’t choose to go adoption was forced upon them by the government.”

“Still, if I win the lawsuit, it might bring me a little bit of comfort a small sense of relief,” Han said. “The government needs to acknowledge its wrongdoing and apologize properly.”

Han says Bender supports her fight but doesn’t understand Korean and doesn’t know the culture or laws of her former home.  “She welcomes what I’m doing. She doesn’t oppose it,” Han said.

Nielsen also struggles to communicate with the mother she believed had abandoned her. Her 93-year-old mother has dementia and does not remember the baby she once lost.   Over time, Nielsen has pieced together more about her background.  In August 1973, her mother fell ill with an infectious disease and, fearing for her newborn’s safety, temporarily entrusted her to social services.  By December of the same year, the child was sent to Denmark, according to Nielsen. Just weeks later, her frantic mother filed a missing persons report with police.  Nielsen’s name and date of birth had been changed on the government-issued travel certificate. As in Bender’s case, the travel document listed her address as the location of Holt Children’s Services. CNN has also asked Holt Children’s Services for further information about Nielsen’s case.  Nielsen is back in Daejeon, to be closer to her mother and to let her know that she holds no anger or blame over the past. But she’s frustrated by the language barrier between them, leaving them unable to understand each other.  “The theft of the language is so profound because the language is a door into the culture,” she said. “The intimacy of being able to speak to my mom is completely gone. So that is what is a big, big loss for me.  My human rights have been completely violated.”

Nielsen is learning Korean, attending weekly classes with a study group, so she can find the few words of comfort for her ailing mother. Sometimes, no words are needed.  Nielsen still remembers the first night she slept next to her birth mother.  “I didn’t sleep much. I just watched (her) I could look at her and feel, ‘That’s my mom.’ There was no doubt about it,” she said.

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https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cj4wn00pz48o?fbclid=IwY2xjawMBl8xleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBicmlkETBUZ2JwbHRHZTJNZUFVbllCAR5uOepqGb8xdLWn744u9qd5-GX1KUZpLrWrHO9b6JQez5sceBDHFgWblcMrLw_aem_-mgwWygh8ZTlH9A6dqiedQ

Adoption support charity shreds 'irreplaceable' files to save space
David Cowan
BBC Scotland home affairs correspondent

A charity has apologised for the "inexcusable" destruction of around 4,800 personal records linked to adoptions in Scotland, including irreplaceable photographs and handwritten letters from birth parents.  Edinburgh-based Birthlink has been fined £18,000 after shredding the files to free up space in its filing cabinets four years ago.  The Information Commissioners' Office (ICO), which imposed the fine, described the lost material as "deeply personal pieces in the jigsaw of a person's history, some now lost for eternity".

The charity's board said it was "deeply sorry" and that it was impossible to say how many people were affected.  A statement added: "We want to assure everyone who's interacted with Birthlink that we will do everything in our power to ensure this does not happen again."

A spokesperson for the Movement for Adoption Apology Scotland campaign said: "These items weren't stored out of administrative duty, but held in the hope that one day, someone would come looking.  That hope has now been shredded, quite literally."

Files destroyed

Birthlink did not keep a log of what was destroyed but it believes only "a very small proportion" of the records included personal documents, which do not exist in any form elsewhere.  Since 1984, the company has operated the Adoption Contact Register for Scotland.  It enables adopted people, birth parents and others to register their details with a view to being "linked" and potentially reunited.  If a connection was made, Birthlink retained what were called "linked records" closed paper files stored in filing cabinets in case they could be of further use in the future.  But by January 2021, the charity was running out of space and reviewed whether it could destroy the files.  Following a board meeting, it was agreed that only replaceable records could be disposed of.  PA Media Nicola Sturgeon, who is wearing a maroon dress with a round neck, addresses MSPs in the Scottish parliament debating chamber. She has brown hair, with blond highlights.  A few months later, the contents of 24 filing cabinet drawers were bagged up and shredded.  Birthlink has estimated that personal data from around 4,800 individuals was destroyed and that less than 10% of the lost files contained "cherished items".  These include photographs, handwritten letters from birth mothers and fathers to their children and handwritten letters from birth families to siblings.  Another 8,300 files survived the process unscathed.  The culling of the records only came to light two years later, after the Care Inspectorate carried out a short-notice inspection at Birthlink in September 2023.  An internal investigation, ordered by Birthlink's interim chief executive, found that a member of staff had expressed concern about shredding photographs and other records at the time.  But they were told "it needed to be done".

Birthlink reported itself to the ICO, who said the charity could have prevented the destruction with "cost effective and easy to implement" policies and procedures.  The regulator imposed a £45,000 fine, later reduced to £18,000, to promote compliance with data protection and deter others from "making similar mistakes".

'Poor understanding'

Sally Anne Poole, the ICO's head of investigations, said: "The destroyed records had the potential to be an unknown memory, an identity, a sense of belonging, answers.  It is inconceivable to think, due to the very nature of its work, that Birthlink had such a poor understanding of both its data protection and records management process."

The ICO welcomed the steps taken by Birthlink to ensure it does not happen again, including new policies and the appointment of a data protection officer.  Birthlink's interim CEO Abbi Jackson told BBC Scotland News that the charity mainly worked with people affected by "historic forced adoption" between 1930 and 1980.  She said: "We want to reiterate our deepest and most sincere regret that this happened.  We have failed people who put their trust in us. We want to urge anyone who thinks they should have had information on file to phone our helpline.  We have a number of very experienced, knowledgeable staff who're there to help on each individual case."

In 2023, the then First Minister Nicola Sturgeon issued a "sincere, heartfelt and unreserved" apology to people affected by the practice of forced adoption.  The Movement for Adoption Apology Scotland campaign said: "The emotional and historical significance of what was lost cannot be overstated.  These were not administrative items, but the last remaining traces of relationships shattered by policies and practices that many now acknowledge as unjust and highly traumatising."

Anyone worried about the loss of personal information can contact Birthlink's support service through dataprotection@birthlink.org.uk

5
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-14946967/scottish-woman-heartbreak-birth-mother-long-lost-family.html

Scottish woman's heartbreak as she tracks down her birth mother after 50 years only to find out she doesn't want to meet

    Paula Stillie, from Scotland, appeared on Long Lost Family: What Happened Next
    READ MORE: Long Lost Family: Emotional moment woman, 66, who was diagnosed with cancer, reunites with daughter she gave up for adoption after becoming pregnant aged 16

By MAANYA SACHDEVA and JESSICA GREEN

Published: 14:21, 28 July 2025 | Updated: 15:14, 28 July 2025

A Scottish B&B owner who waited 50 years to meet her biological parents was left devastated after her birth mother refused to meet her during this week's episode of Long Lost Family: What Happened Next.  Paula Stillie, now 53, sought the help of the ITV program to answer questions about her background growing up in Buckie, Scotland, with the mother-of-one first reaching out to producers in 2021. Paula recalled early experiences of racism while living with her white adoptive parents and how she covered herself in talcum powder from 'head-to-toe' so that she would look more like them. 'I don't know where I come from. What are my roots? Who do I look like?' Paula, who lives with her husband Euan and their son Kyle, said.  'I don't feel as if I've got an anchor in life, I could come from anywhere in the world. I just don't know.  Being adopted you're different, but also of mixed race as well makes you even more different,' she explained. 'Why did I have a different skin colour to my mum and dad?'

She continued: 'I can remember covering myself in talcum powder from head-to-toe and Mum came in and I said, "I'm the same colour as you mum, I'm white". I think that broke her heart.'

In the latest episode of the ITV program, viewers catch up with Paula's emotional journey including the moment when she learned her birth mother did not want any contact with her.  Viewers admitted they were in tears by the end of the episode as Paula's heartbreak turns into healing when she is finally accepted by her late father's Native American relatives living in Montana, US.  In their search for Paula's biological family, producers were able to identify and track down her birth mother, who was living in England but she declined to meet the daughter she had given up for adoption. 'It was a shock that she didn't want to see me,' Paula confessed. 'I was disappointed.'

She admitted there will always be a 'feeling of rejection' when it comes to her relationship with her mother, adding: 'It's so, so sad that she'll never meet me.'

While she rejected Long Lost Family's offer to reunite with Paula, her birth mother offered a clue about her biological father an American man she called Larry Smith. 'It's a real longing within me to find my birth father. There's a whole other world out there that I don't know about that involves me,' Paula said.

Her father had travelled to England with the navy for a short period of time, but he was difficult to track down so the Long Lost Family team turned to DNA testing.  They discovered a distant match with a man named Joe, whose family tree, which was registered online, revealed Paula's paternal relatives were Native American.  The tree also included a man called Lawrence known to his family as John who was Paula's father. However, he tragically passed away in 1982.  Thankfully, researchers were able to discover Lawrence's younger brother Joe, who lived in Montana with the rest of the family.  Joe revealed to co-presenter Nicky Campbell that his sibling, who had no other children, never knew he had a daughter, but would have tried to find her had he known.  Paula's uncle Joe also explained that his grandfather George was part of the Comanche tribe in Oklahoma.  Paula's aunts and uncles Joe, Mary Louise, Nancy and Richard were keen to meet their new niece and welcome her, with Joe saying she was 'bringing John back to the family'.

The relatives met for the first time via video call but in the most recent episode were finally reunited after Paula travels to Montana.  'Being here, doesn't feel quite real. That I'm minutes away from meeting my family,' said Paula. 'It's just like this massive bubble of emotion ready to burst out.'

Following the emotional reunion with her uncle and aunts, she said: 'That was incredible. Opening the door and seeing them standing there, I can't describe the feeling. I've waited for this moment for so long.'

Viewers were left in tears at the scenes, with one writing: 'I wish just once I could get through Long Lost Family without crying.'

Another said: 'What a beautiful family and welcome for Paula and her family #LongLostFamily.'

6
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-14732429/Jack-adopted-three-drug-family-violence-grief-CATHERINE-TAYLOR-familys-nightmare-final-unimaginable-blow.html#newcomment

I loved Jack whom I adopted aged three. Then his drug-addicted family lured him back and the violence began. Through shattering grief CATHERINE TAYLOR tells her family's nightmare and the final unimaginable blow

By HEATHER MAIN

Published: 01:45, 21 May 2025 | Updated: 01:45, 21 May 2025

Catherine Taylor does not use the swing in the front porch of her picture-perfect cottage in Yorkshire. Made for her by her teenage son Jack, it has become an almost unbearably poignant reminder of a happier time.  Catherine, a pharmacist, and her husband Henry, a self-employed builder, haven't seen Jack for almost a year.  Their bright 16-year-old whom they adopted at the age of three is living in a flat 50 miles away and working, they suspect, for a so-called County Lines drug-running gang.  Tracked down by members of his birth family, Jack was lured away from them, they say, with offers of money and cannabis, to which he quickly became addicted.  Most shocking of all, despite Catherine's pleas, she claims that not only have the authorities refused to help her get him back, but social services have actively encouraged Jack to walk away from her loving and secure home.  'It's not just sadness we're feeling, it's intense grief,' she says.

Clearly Catherine and Henry's version of events represents just one side of a highly fraught situation. Yet what they describe is every adoptive parent's worst nightmare a complete breakdown of the adoption itself and the loss of a teenage boy they remain devoted to.  Both 48, they found they were unable to have children when they married 20 years ago, and decided to forego IVF treatment in favour of adoption.  'We were desperate for a family, and we knew our love for an adopted child would be just as strong as it was for a child who was biologically ours,' explains Catherine.

Both came from stable homes and knew they could give a child a similar life in their three-bedroom house with a huge garden and good schools nearby.  In 2012 they were matched with three-year-old Jack.  'We just fell in love with him,' Catherine recalls. 'We were warned he had been very badly abused by his birth family. Social workers said it was the worst case of neglect they had ever seen.'

When a neighbour raised concerns, she was told, social workers found Jack huddled in a corner 'so motionless and detached' from what was going on around him that they couldn't even get any eye movement from him. He had learned how to physically and mentally detach from danger to the extent he was basically playing dead.  'We were prepared for it to take a long time to form a bond. But from the moment we first met Jack, at his foster carer's house, he instantly took our hands and led us to play on the trampoline.  He called us mummy and daddy on the very first day. He just wanted someone to love him.'

Jack quickly formed an especially close bond with Catherine, who gave up her job 'so I could be there for him all the time'.  'When Jack started school, he was anxious about leaving us. At the school gates at pick-up time, I'd see his eyes desperately darting around the playground, scanning to make sure I was there.  We arranged for him to have some play therapy and he soon made lots of friends but he remained very close to me. He would only go to sleep if I was holding him, or, when he got older, he'd want to take one of my jumpers to bed to cuddle up to.'

Over time Jack's anxieties calmed and, when he was six, the family was asked whether they would also like to adopt his newborn biological sister Poppy, who was removed from her family shortly after birth. They agreed.  Now the family was complete and life for Jack assumed the hectic but happy and above all, ordinary rhythms of school, playdates and holidays.  Indeed, the children enjoyed what many would describe as an idyllic upbringing, with trips to Lapland, breaks to the family's holiday home in Wales, sports clubs and, importantly, a loving family.  The couple were open with both children about the fact they were adopted but, Catherine says, neither of them ever showed much interest in finding out about their blood relations. The adoption agency had a 'letterbox' system in place, where both parties adoptive parents and biological family could send letters to each other through social services.  'I wrote a couple of times a year with vague updates, letting them know he was doing well at school, and how much he was growing. I hoped they would write too in case Jack wanted to read about them one day, but I didn't get a single letter back.  I think he used to be quite angry with them. If I tried to talk about them he would shut me down.'

It was when Jack turned 13 that the family's perfect life started to unravel. On trips into the local town, he began to hang out with a new group of friends, and though at first Catherine and Henry thought little of it, they soon discovered the boys were members of a notorious local family who had already dropped out of school. She and Henry were worried and warned Jack not to be friends with them.  Weeks later, however, they discovered Jack had secretly started vaping, after the family dog sniffed out a vape hidden in his room and chewed it to bits.  'It might seem like typical teen behaviour,' says Catherine. 'But given Jack's history, and the fact we knew he was born with addiction issues his mother had been a drug user we were concerned. We talked to him and he promised he wouldn't vape again.'

However, from that moment Jack seemed to go off the rails entirely. First he was caught stealing vapes from a local supermarket, then he began skipping school. He also took to leaving the house at night to see his new 'friends'.  'We were beside ourselves. I felt embarrassed I couldn't control the situation.  The school was increasingly worried about his behaviour and, at one point, the headteacher told us to just take Jack out of school for two weeks and go away as a family. We needed to get him away from the situation with the other boys and find the old Jack again.  And at our holiday home, it felt as though we did get him back. We went for long walks on the beach, played board games, enjoyed pub lunches it was idyllic.'

But it was not to last. Back home, Jack's behaviour now took a violent turn. 'At school, he'd kick doors in a rage or pull soap dispensers off the wall.  Sometimes he'd physically try to attack me. Henry would put himself in-between us and Jack would end up attacking him.'

Once Henry had to go to hospital after being hit over the head with a laptop.  'We were at our wits' end,' Catherine recalls. 'We begged social services for help, but they just offered music therapy.  Jack clearly needed more help than that he was dealing with deep-rooted trauma.  We talked about moving away, but my husband's business relied on local clients we couldn't afford to leave.  Eventually, we found Jack a place at a local private school, and moved him there.'

Despite initially flourishing at the new school, it wasn't long before he was hanging out with the gang again.  Now 14, Jack began to break out of home most nights, forcing Henry and Catherine to call the police to report him missing.  'At one point, we were calling the police at least once a week. Each time he disappeared, we were so worried about his safety; once, he left home for six days and we later found out he had been sleeping under a motorway bridge.'

By this time, Jack had also started smoking cannabis. 'We cut off Jack's pocket money so he wouldn't be able to buy drugs,' Catherine says. 'But then he started stealing from us: clothes, credit cards, technology, and running away in the night.  Again, I begged social services for help. But their only advice was to consider ourselves lucky he wasn't taking harder drugs. I couldn't believe my ears.'

One night, however, after the most violent outburst the family had ever witnessed, the truth came tumbling out.
After a local broadband outage, the wi-fi cut out, and Jack was unable to control his fury. Blaming his adoptive parents, he flew at Henry, leaving him with two black eyes and footprint-shaped bruises on his torso.  A neighbour called the police and Jack was arrested and temporarily placed in a children's home as an emergency measure.  'The police advised us that we needed to press charges this time. At that point, we were at the end of our tether and agreed,' says Catherine. 'Jack was charged with assault and criminal damage.'

On several previous occasions, Catherine had tried to search Jack's social media to see who he was talking to online, but her son had always logged himself out when using the family iPad. The night of the wi-fi outage, however, he hadn't had a chance to do that and what Catherine found made her blood run cold.  'There were photos of Jack sitting smoking with a group and the names seemed familiar. Slowly, the penny dropped this was his birth family.'

In an effort to encourage transparency about a child's origins, today many are given a 'life story book' containing the first names of their blood relations. These were the names Catherine saw dotted across his social media.  Now she read through dozens of messages sent to him from his biological family, who it later transpired had found him via the boys he'd been hanging out with in town.  '"We just want you back, we'll help get you away from that b***h, your real family will look after you."

It was chilling.  'We had taken his phone away from him but in these pictures, he clearly had other phones we'd never seen before.  These were the people who had neglected him so badly as a baby, suddenly wanting him back as a teenager. I felt sick to my stomach.'

Jack was kept in the children's home while Catherine and Henry applied to drop charges against him for attacking his father so he could come back to them but before the application was processed, Jack ran away.  'We got a call saying that Jack had gone to live with his biological grandma. Social services said she was deemed an appropriate guardian because she didn't have a criminal record. Apparently she'd been sending him large amounts of money about £70 every week or so.  She was living in a flat with seven other people, all in and out of prison on drugs offences,' claims Catherine. 'And that was where Jack was staying.'

To her horror, now Jack was 16, he was legally allowed to live wherever he wanted and social services did not apparently see any harm in allowing him to stay with his biological grandmother.  It seemed to Catherine and Henry very likely that Jack was now dealing drugs himself as part of a County Lines operation, where drugs are transported from one area of the country to another.  She later discovered Jack's biological father had died of a drugs overdose and his biological mother was, at that point, in prison. Though social services told her he wouldn't be allowed contact with his birth mum, Catherine discovered he had indeed seen her when she was briefly out of prison.  'It was devastating,' she explains. 'They took my son from me and I couldn't do a thing about it.'

Worryingly, adopted children making contact with their birth families online is on the rise. Sarah Brown, a solicitor who specialises in adoption breakdown proceedings at the Adoption Legal Centre, says social media is playing a bigger role than ever.  Children are either choosing to track down their families themselves, or their biological families go looking for them.  In the cases we see, it's been a catalyst in the breakdown of the original adoption.  We are busier than ever with cases of families who are at their wits' end. Sometimes they are suicidal, or even in fear of their own lives.'

Desperate, Catherine and Henry sought legal advice and applied for mediation with their son through social services, who arranged a meeting with him.  'We sat in a room with a social worker, like a police interview. It was hideous.  I was referred to throughout as "Catherine". I wanted to scream: "I'm not Catherine, I'm his mum!"  Jack looked and sounded completely different there was no inkling of my son. He used to be quite well-spoken, but now, he looked and spoke like a gangster.  I took him a case with his favourite clothes, but he went through it pulling out the designer ones and left the rest in the bag.  He started demanding money from me he shouted that we owed him money for his bed, his bike, his PlayStation.  It took every fibre in my body to remain calm. I told him we loved him and he was welcome to come home any time.  I told him that I felt I had lost my son. "I was never your son to lose," he spat back. That hurt more than anything else.  Jack isn't just a child I'd adopted, I'm not his foster carer I love him the same way any mother would love her son.'

Almost 12 months later, Jack is still living with his birth grandmother and has had no further contact with his adoptive family.  Social workers told Catherine he was doing so well with his biological family, they have decided to close his case. And in what the Taylors regard as the final insult, should Jack ever ask to see Catherine and Henry, their visit will need to be supervised.  When Jack moved out, he made allegations that Henry had attacked him, and although they were investigated by social services and the police and they were cleared of any wrongdoing, the allegation alone means visits cannot now be made without supervision.  'We later found out through speaking to support groups that it's common for adopted children to suddenly make allegations of abuse against adoptive parents once they have made contact with a birth parent,' Catherine says.

'But of course that doesn't make it any less distressing. Neither of us would have ever laid a finger on Jack.'

Official statistics suggest that just over 3 per cent of adoptions break down but campaigners say that's an underestimate. Catherine says she was told their son 'successfully' reuniting with his birth family would not be recorded as an adoption breakdown or disruption.  'It has absolutely broken us,' she says. 'Our daughter is only ten, but she is so angry with him. She also can't understand why the family want Jack back but have no interest in her. She's grieving the loss of him, too.  The pain catches me off-guard at the most peculiar times. Recently, we went away and walked to the local pub for lunch. Poppy and Henry would always walk together and Jack and I would walk behind them that's always the way it was.  But suddenly, I realised I was walking alone Jack just isn't there any more. And my biggest fear is that he never will be. We'll never get him back.'

All names have been changed.

If you have an experience of adoption you'd like to share with readers, please email: femailreaders@dailymail.co.uk

7
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13719265/Long-Lost-Family-Adopted-woman-spent-40-years-searching-biological-sister-having-childhood-shrouded-loneliness-reveals-joy-finally-meeting-sibling.html

Long Lost Family: Adopted woman who spent 40 years searching for her biological sister after having a childhood shrouded by loneliness reveals her joy after finally meeting her sibling

    Liz Allward, 60, from North Somerset, was adopted as a young baby
    SPOILERS AHEAD
    READ MORE: Long Lost Family viewers are left 'broken' and 'sobbing their hearts out' as woman, 71, reunites with her son 55 years after she was forced to give him up for adoption by her ashamed mother

By Alanah Khosla For Mailonline

Published: 15:22, 8 August 2024 | Updated: 17:03, 8 August 2024

A woman who spent nearly 40 years longing to find her biological sister has revealed her joy at finally meeting her, adding that it still feels 'surreal'.  Part-time hairdresser and counsellor Liz Allward, 60, from North Somerset, was adopted as a baby and always had a strong 'intuition' that she had a birth sibling, despite never being told so.  Though Liz had a happy childhood, she always felt a sense of 'loneliness', exacerbated by her adoptive family moving around a lot, making it difficult for Liz to maintain friendships.  It was on her wedding day in 1996 at the age of 23 that her adoptive mother informed her that she had an older biological sister, but with few other details, Liz was unable to locate her.  After years of failed attempts to locate her biological sister, Liz contacted ITV's Long Lost Family on a whim, unexpectedly leading her to the information she had longed to know for years and, most importantly, her biological sister, Deborah.  Talking to FEMAIL, Liz recalled: 'When I was younger I didn't know if it was a brother or a sister; I just knew something was missing.  I was adopted in Leeds at a very young age, and then we moved quickly down to Surrey, then we moved to Bristol.  I had a lovely family and a lovely mother and father, I can't fault them, [they were] very traditional and very honest.'

She added: 'I had a nice life, I was bit lonely during childhood, the moves were difficult for me.'

It wasn't until Liz's wedding day at the age of 23 that her adoptive mother confirmed the intuition she had always had.  Liz recalled: 'When I got married, I asked my mother, I said: '"Am I one of a twin?" She hesitated and told me that there was a daughter born to my birth mother a couple of years before [me]'.

Her instinct was confirmed, but Liz knew nothing more about her biological sister other than her existence.  'I got and married life went on I tried for a quite a few years [to find Deborah], always with the support of friends,' she said.

The mother-of-two sought information online and applied for her adoption papers from North Somerset Council.  It was in the document that Liz discovered the name of her birth sister. She said: 'There was one line that read "Deborah", it was just overwhelming, it was frightening as well'.

When Liz turned 60, she decided enough time had gone by without knowing her biological sister, and with encouragement from her daughter, she sent an application to ITV's Long Lost Family.  'I think after turning 60, I thought: "I've got to do something", my daughter told me to go on Long Lost Family, I thought I'd never get on, but I did'.

'Within two weeks someone replied with the process it was brilliant,' the mother-of-two recalled.

The Long Lost Family team located Deborah, now known as Debbie, and discovered that, unlike Liz, Debbie was adopted within the family by her maternal aunt and that although she knew her birth mother as a child, she had long since lost contact.  Debbie said: 'I was adopted into the family, so I knew a lot of the relatives. Growing up, we didn't have a lot, but we never went without.  We'd had a holiday to the seaside every year and at Christmas, it might have been second-hand things that we got, but we didn't mind, we appreciated everything we got'.

Unlike Liz, Debbie discovered she had a birth sister at the age of eight, explaining: 'I thought about her quite a lot over the years I had never forgotten."

She explained that while she would have loved to find her biological sister, she 'wouldn't know where to start'.  In October last year, she was surprised to come home to a letter from Long Lost Family. 'Everything was going through my head', she recalled.

'It took me all day and I rang the number on it, and that's when I found out that it was real, and I was thrilled to bits'.  There were a few similarities in life along the way, but I think we're both quite sensitive underneath but feisty in other ways.' She added: 'I think we're very similar in lots of ways'.

The mother-of-two continued: 'It filled that hole, and it made me feel complete really, I had this urge to do it at 60, and I acted on it, and it was brilliant, and it's just been a bit of a whirlwind since then it still feels a bit surreal.'

Debbie added: 'It was brilliant, I felt like I had known her all my life'.

The pair are now enjoying getting to know each other and making up for lost time, with the pair chatting weekly on the telephone.  Liz and Debbie are planning on getting to know each other face to face in October, when Liz is planning a visit to Debbie's Yorkshire home.

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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-13617197/Long-Lost-Family-Woman-74-spent-adult-life-looking-baby-gave-aged-17-strict-parents-says-shes-world-shes-finally-reunited-son.html

Long Lost Family: Woman, 74, who spent her whole adult life looking for the baby she gave up aged 17 because of her strict parents says she's on 'top of the world' as she's finally reunited with her son

    Paula Beer was aged just 17 when she made the decision to part from her baby
    READ MORE: Woman, 76, forced to put her baby up for adoption after becoming pregnant aged just 16 is reunited with her daughter 60 years later

By Jessica Green For Mailonline

Published: 00:01, 14 July 2024 | Updated: 01:39, 14 July 2024

A woman who spent her whole adult life searching for her child after giving him up for adoption has revealed her joy at reuniting with her son nearly 60 years later.  Retired council worker Paula Beer, 74, from Bridgend in Wales, was aged just 17 when she made the heart-breaking decision to part from her baby but spent decades after looking for him.  Frightened of her strict parents’ reaction, she had concealed her pregnancy, working long hours in a grocery store in nearby Porthcawl, and only saw a doctor when she was eight months along.  Paula gave birth to her son, Paul, in February 1967, spending just three days with him in hospital before he was taken away.   But thankfully, the Long Lost Family team located Paula’s son whose name had been changed to Jim, and found him living in the southwest. In emotional scenes, birth mother and son are reunited during episode two of the ITV programme on Monday.  After discovering she was pregnant at the age of just 17, Paula came to the conclusion on her own that she’d have to have her baby adopted.  She told FEMAIL: 'My father would've thrown me out, the shame and all the rest of it.  I made the decision to give [Paul] up for adoption, because he'd have a much better life, he'd have had a very unhappy life with myself and my parents.'

At seven months pregnant, Paula went to stay with a kind aunt in Essex, who helped to arrange the adoption.  'That was a very, very, very bad time in my life. It was the worst thing I've ever had to do in my life,' recalled Paula.

She spent three days with her son before he was taken away to be adopted, 'just looking at him, talking to him, hoping he'd remember my voice, knowing what I have to do and loving him as much as I could you know,' said Paula.

'It was a very, very hard time, and parting with him then was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life.'

She added: 'From the moment I held him in my arms for the first time, the love I felt for him then was unbelievable. I didn't think I would feel like that. And I knew I had to part with him. So I wanted not to feel like that.'

Paula later went on to marry and have a daughter but didn’t anticipate the pain of giving up her son would cause her, for the rest of her life.   'Every year on his birthday I light a candle for him, and watch the candle burn and say a prayer and ask God: "please, God, let me find him one day",' revealed Paula ahead of finding her son.

The Long Lost Family team eventually discovered Paul’s name had been changed to Jim, and traced him living in the southwest.   It took Jim several months to decide whether he wanted contact with his birth mother, with the happily adopted psychiatric nurse saying on the show: 'It was a mixed range of emotions, from happy to scary you name it.'

But eventually Jim decided that he did want to meet his birth mother, and was delighted to discover she was Welsh, since he's spent lots of time in Wales and loves it.  Paula who also shares a love for music and the outdoors with her son revealed she was 'absolutely over the moon' after discovering Jim.   She recalled: 'The first thing I said to Davina McCall was "Is he OK?" And she said: "Yes, he's very, very happy." And I said: "Oh, thank god for that." And I said: "Does he want to meet me?" That's my second question. She said, "Yes".   My worst fear was that he didn't want to meet me, and that he'd been perfectly happy with his life so far, that he didn't want me in it, or want to meet me. And that does happen.  So I have been so, so lucky. I thank God every single day, get down on my hands and thank God for my son.'

Recalling their emotional reunion with one another, Paula said it was 'wonderful', with the pair sharing an affectionate hug. She even admitted: 'I would have stayed there forever with him in my arms.'

'We sat down and he held my hands the whole time... It was totally, totally amazing. He's the son I would have designed for myself. He's perfect for me, to me, with me in every way.   'He's my personality, a toned down version of me I feel he's been my son in my life, all my life.'

Following their experience on the ITV programme, the two now video call a few times a week.

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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-13587493/IQ-intelligence-Identical-twins-separated-birth-study.html

Is this proof that intelligence is 'set' the day we're born? Identical twins separated at birth have near-identical IQs, fascinating study from the world's leading expert in twins reveals

    READ MORE:  Exposure to chemical could cause shrunken heads in newborns

By John Ely Deputy Health Editor For Mailonline

Published: 14:00, 1 July 2024 | Updated: 14:32, 1 July 2024

Identical Chinese twins separated at birth by the nation's draconian one-child policy grew up to have almost identical IQs, a fascinating study reveals.  The research, led by Dr Nancy Segal an expert in psychology from the University of California, considered one of the world's leading experts on twins, examined the intelligence scores of 15 pairs of identical twins adopted by different families.  Fourteen pairs of twins were female due to Chinese culture traditionally favouring male children, a bias which led to female children, including twins, being abandoned by parents during China's one-child policy which ran from 1980 to 2016.  These genetically identical twins were separated and raised in different environments and sometimes even in different countries.  This provided scientists with the rare opportunity to test if nature or nurture was the most important factor for IQ.  The twins underwent IQ tests twice, once when they were, on average, 11-years-old and then again, after some years had passed, when they had an average age of 14.  Comparing the results between the twin pairs over time the researchers discovered their scores were nearly identical.  Publishing their results in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, the authors wrote: 'Despite their different homes, educational experiences, and (in some cases) residences in different countries, the twins appear to have interacted with their environments in ways that aligned with their genetic propensities.  This supports the notion that environments do not act randomly in fashioning developmental outcomes rather, individuals behave selectively and actively with respect to the people, places and events that engage and challenge them.'

Dr Segal said that the older twins got the more their IQ scores seemed to align in the long term.  As genetic factors kick in, the environment drops out. So they become more alike with time,' she told The Times.

She based this finding off another aspect of the study which examined data from nine pairs of Danish identical twins who underwent similar IQ tests as adults.  While the data on this group of twins was more limited that the Chinese cohort, it similarly showed that twin pairs tended to match each other for changes in IQ between the two tests.  Concluding their study the authors said the results suggest that 'twins can be expected to achieve similar results on school tests, whereas unrelated siblings can be expected to achieve different outcomes.'

They continued: 'Knowing this will help parents and educators tailor their treatment, resource provision, and expectations of different children within families.  In doing so, they may avoid the frustration that may come from encouraging and/or expecting outcomes and goals that may be outside the child's inclinations.'

Dr Segal and the other authors acknowledged an obvious limitation of their study is the overall small number of participants, a somewhat unavoidable factor given the rarity of identical twins being separated at birth.  As such they say the results should be interpreted with caution.  Dr Segal added: 'Should parents and educators throw their hands up in despair?  Absolutely not. Everybody can become smarter. But we’re not going to all be the same.'

While the latest study suggested separated twins has similar IQs some case examples have shown the opposite.  Dr Segal has previously reported the remarkable case of two identical Korean twins separated in 1976, one raised in South Korea the other in the US after they went missing.  Tracked down 40 years later, they showed remarkably similar personality traits but differed when it came to IQ with the American twin 16 points behind her genetically identical sibling.  It bears mentioning the American twin had suffered three concussions in life that her South Korean counterpart hadn't, and this may have influenced the results.  Measuring IQ and equating it to 'intelligence' in real life has proved controversial.   For example, some experts highlight that people can score highly on IQ tests which measure logic, abstract reasoning, learning ability and memory, but struggle to apply these day to day.   Identical twins are those born from the same fertilized eggs which then splits into two genetical identical embryos.  They differ from non-identical twins which happen when two separate eggs are released and then fertilised at the same time.   Identical twins have been linked to various have been linked to various shared behaviours before.  Some studies have found twins are likely to share nail biting habits, and reports have emerged that some twins share cancer symptoms even if only one of them is suffering the disease.  Perhaps the most starting twin stories come from pairs who were separated at birth but share remarkedly similar lives.  One of the most famous examples of this are the 'Jim twins' Jim Lewis and Jim Springer who were separated at birth.  Dr Segal, who has written about their case, said that despite being raised in different environments the pair both suffered tension headaches, bit their fingernails, smoked the same cigarette brand, both enjoyed woodworking, and even vacationed on the same Florida beach.  The leading expert on twins also worked with another pair separated at birth Ann Hunt and Elizabeth Hamel who were only reunited at the age of 78.  Ann from Aldershot, Hampshire, didn’t even know she had a sibling until her daughter Samantha Stacey discovered Elizabeth while tracing their family tree.   Whereas Elizabeth always knew she had a twin but had given up hope of ever finding her, and had moved to Portland, Oregon, USA.  They have earned a place in the Guinness Book Of World Records as the longest time apart for reunited twins after their emotional reunion in Los Angeles, California.  The girls were born out of wedlock in 1936 in Aldershot and their mother Alice Patience Lamb couldn’t cope and both were to be adopted.  But domestic servant Alice couldn’t find anyone to adopt Elizabeth, because she had a curvature of the spine so only gave Ann up.  When the pair finally made contact, they both learned they had married men named Jim.  Dr Segal who funded their trip to be reunited said at the time: 'Fascinating work on separated twins shows that here are twins growing up in totally different families, sometimes even totally different cultures, and yet they bring with them similar types of attitudes in politics, religion, social behaviour.  Where do these things come from? It’s difficult to know exactly but it seems that their genes linked to intelligence, personality and temperament just lead them to have similar types of world views.'

Reunited after 78 years: Twins separated at birth in 1936 meet for the first time and discover they both married men called Jim

They were just five-months old when their mother made the heartbreaking decision to put them up for adoption in 1936.  Twins Ann Hunt and Elizabeth Hamel were then separated and faced the prospect of never seeing each other again.  But 78 years later the sisters found each other by chance and have reunited.  Ann from Aldershot, Hampshire, didn’t even know she had a sibling until her daughter Samantha Stacey discovered Elizabeth while tracing their family tree.  During their time apart, they have survived a World War, raised a family and have witnessed the birth of their grandchildren.  Ann said: 'I was over the moon, I couldn’t speak. I let Elizabeth speak mostly, I had to pinch myself because I realised that I’ve got a sibling, a sister.  It’s so wonderful I’m not on my own any more. I’ve got no words to say. I’m so happy I have Elizabeth.'

Elizabeth added: 'I’ve been praying for her for many years. I thought being adopted, she could be anywhere in the world. It was amazing to me that she was still in Aldershot.'

The girls were born out of wedlock in Aldershot and their mother Alice Patience Lamb couldn’t cope and both were to be adopted.  But domestic servant Alice couldn’t find anyone to adopt Elizabeth, because she had a curvature of the spine.  Ann was given up and she stayed in Aldershot all her life - unaware of who her mother was and that she had a twin.   Elizabeth stayed with her mother and later moved to Chester and then to the States when she got married.  Elizabeth, who is older than her twin by 20 minutes, said: 'I had curvature of the spine, which in those days was something which made a person unadoptable.  We were both going to be adopted but when mother found out about the curvature of the spine, she decided to keep me.' 

The pair got in touch after Samantha spent hundreds of hours tracing through birth records trying to find out details about her mum.  Samantha, 43, scoured local records for weeks, until eventually she discovered her grandmother’s name, Alice Lamb.  Last April, she then worked out that Alice had had a daughter, who lived in America, after tracking down her stepson, who lived in Chester.  Ann said: 'Samantha said to me "we’ve found your sister but there’s a bonus she’s your twin sister."'

Samantha added: 'She was overjoyed delighted. She instantly rang my sisters. She’s just very happy about it.'

They could not find a phone number but did have an address and Ann wrote a letter to her long-lost sister.  Elizabeth said: 'When I saw the letter, my eyes popped open. I couldn’t get on the phone to give my long-lost sister a call fast enough.'

After a year of talking over the the phone the pair were reunited.  Their trip was funded by twin expert Dr Nancy Segal, Director of the Twin Studies Center (corr) at California State University.  She is now spending two days studying the pair, who beat the previous world record for separated twins by three years.  Dr Segal said: 'Fascinating work on separated twins shows that here are twins growing up in totally different families, sometimes even totally different cultures, and yet they bring with them similar types of attitudes in politics, religion, social behaviour.  Where do these things come from? It’s difficult to know exactly but it seems that their genes linked to intelligence, personality and temperament just lead them to have similar types of world views.'

While former printer Ann stayed in Aldershot her entire life, Elizabeth joined the Navy, where she met Jim - who sadly passed away in 2012 after 48 years of marriage.  The sisters may have only just met for the first time in decades, but it seems they have formed an unbreakable friendship.  Ann added: 'I feel like I’ve known Liz all my life now.'

Ann raised three daughters, Suzanne Trusler, 51, Sarah, 47, and Samantha Stacey, 43.  Elizabeth Hamel raised two boys, one named Quinton, who both joined the navy like their mum.

WHY IS A MEASURE OF MENTAL ABILITY

IQ stands for intelligence quotient and it is used to measure mental ability.  The score is achieved by dividing a person's mental age, obtained with an intelligence test, by their age.  Test questions focus on abilities such as mathematical skills, memory, spatial perception, and language abilities.  The resulting fraction is then multiplied by 100 to obtain an IQ score.  An IQ of 100 has long been considered the median, or most often achieved, score.  Because of the way the test results are scaled, a person with an IQ of 60 is not necessarily half as intelligent as someone with an IQ of 120.  Although the accuracy of intelligence tests is somewhat disputed, they are still widely used.  To be accepted into Mensa, the 'high-IQ society', a person by score in the top two per cent of the general population.  This currently means having an IQ of at least 132.

Famous people's IQ scores:

Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawking - 160

Donald Trump - 156

Emma Watson - 138

Arnold Schwarzenegger - 135

Nicole Kidman - 132

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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/prince-joachim-of-denmark/article-13536565/I-just-man-marry-brother-three-kids-Hes-love-life.html?ito=social-facebook&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR17ea7sCMA6-jEkLTlOVRAwHijaUp1lIimPAUFp8-_U0JKeOs_eovQn7KQ_aem_pENBhdV7khxav3No8brOZA

I just found out the man I'm about to marry is my brother and we have three kids together: 'He's the love of my life'

     A mum-of-three has found out she's related to her long-term partner
     READ MORE: Inside the Colt incest family

By Belinda Cleary For Daily Mail Australia

Published: 03:22, 17 June 2024 | Updated: 08:35, 17 June 2024

A young mother-of-three has been left feeling unwell after finding out the 'love of her life' and father of her kids is also her brother.  Posting to a women's advice group, the Melbourne-based mum said she was adopted at birth but never knew the people who raised her weren't her biological parents.  'I never thought my parents weren't my parents. No one said anything until a few weeks ago when my mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer,' the woman revealed.

She 'started digging' and found her birth mother and 'a couple of siblings' including her fiancé who has a different father.  The mum said she and her brother separated immediately and called their wedding off - but don't know how to explain what they've uncovered to their children.  'I just feel sick. They are siblings and cousins. His mum is my birth mother,' she said. 'My world has imploded I'm not okay.'

She added that they 'obviously can't be together' but love each other 'so much'.  The post divided opinion with some claiming it 'must be fake' and others prompting her to 'run'.  'I would feel so sick,' one woman said.

'I can't believe no one ever told you, this is on them,' said another.

'Haven't you met his mum? Surely she would have recognised you,' said a third.

While others questioned 'how small' her town is.  But some people didn't see the problem with the relationship.  'I would see a psychologist and get some counselling but you don't have to call it off. You didn't know you were siblings,' said one woman.

'It isn't the first time something like this has happened I would say keep it to yourselves and be happy together,' said another.

'I don't see why you can't be together,' echoed a third.

Some asked about their children to which she revealed they are all 'developmentally normal'.  'I wouldn't say anything to the kids, it isn't their fault,' one woman advised.

Others said they should wait to tell them until their older - but get testing done to make sure they are as healthy as they seem.  According to Helesnorge the national health service of Norway where inbreeding has been a problem there are key issues with having children with blood relatives.  If you have children with a relative the risk of malformations or medical conditions is 'twice as high' because both parents are likely to have the defective gene.  Close blood relationships also increase the risk of stillbirth and infant death. Children with related parents are also more likely to have a reduced life expectancy.  Conditions inherited due to blood relationship are often serious. Examples include metabolic disorders, skin diseases and blood disorders, physical and mental developmental problems, and damage to hearing and/or vision.

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https://people.com/youtuber-myka-stauffer-said-child-not-returnable-before-adoption-dissolution-scandal-8659038?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=social-share-article&fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR1ibN1okiBKjZq_Z4ARll5EJSqxjsXaBmXi2osmfpfHn3slD_21CEGTDpQ_aem_AV7iVfqk_c6l31KR3B2DOUJ6DeU953pZV0bG1fs6JZIfe8ve65NHfaf5JekeZntXWMANtYV6pxM20rikhveQG7d4

YouTuber Myka Stauffer Said Her Child Was 'Not Returnable' Before Viral Adoption Dissolution Scandal

Prior to his actual adoption from China, the Ohio mom claimed the child's "only need" was "a nice family that really, truly cares about him"
By Zoey Lyttle
Updated on June 7, 2024 10:08AM EDT

    YouTuber Myka Stauffer re-homed her adopted son in 2020, claiming she and her husband were unable to care for his special needs
    In the docuseries An Update on Our Family, Vox Media Studios included clips from Myka's old vlogs leading up to her family's trip to China to pick up the 2½-year-old, whom they called Huxley
    Myka showed the boy's photos in her pre-adoption videos and explicitly stated that he was "not returnable"

Myka Stauffer spoke confidently about her adoption process well before its unexpected ending.  Vox Media Studios revisited the viral scandal in the new docuseries An Update on Our Family, which explores the family vlogging industry and how Myka and James Stauffer fell from grace in 2020 after they re-homed their adopted son, whom the couple called Huxley. (Huxley has since been renamed by his new family.)  The Stauffers adopted Huxley, who was later diagnosed with autism, from China when he was 2½ and sought adoption dissolution two years later, claiming they were unaware of the extent of his disabilities. Their decision was met with widespread, extreme backlash that eventually drove the Ohio-based family offline.  The Stauffers, as well as Huxley's new family, have not responded to PEOPLE's requests for comment.  The three-part series which was inspired by New York Magazine's 2020 feature on the family includes clips from Myka's since-deleted YouTube videos leading up to their trip to pick up Huxley in Asia. In several snippets, the former nurse claimed she was equipped and willing to learn how to parent a child with special needs.  "We started talking to physicians, we started having meetings, we started doing tons of different things so that we could be really well educated on different conditions," Myka told the camera in one of several videos discussing the adoption process.

"Let’s just say there’s 100 conditions," she continued. "Me and my husband were comfortable with 99 of the conditions. So we were very, very open."

The YouTuber also recorded herself sharing how Huxley's photo stood out to her amongst hundreds of other potential adoptee profiles.  “I have probably seen over 400 kids’ profiles. Not their files, not the reviews, not the referral. Just their little profiles on this site," she said in a video. "His picture spoke to me so much. Like, it gives me chills just thinking about his little picture.”

In addition to showing Huxley's photo online before the adoption was finalized, Myka also told her subscribers about the child's disability, divulging what information she had.  “I don’t know what his medical diagnosis is gonna look like. How much schooling will he need? Will he need a little bit more hands on? Will he be delayed?" she said in 2017, adding, "But if anything, my child is not returnable.”

The mom of three maintained that she and James were ready to cater to his disabilities: “The only need that our little boy has is a nice family that really, truly cares about him," she told the camera in one vlog post.

After the Stauffers revealed their decision to seek out adoption dissolution, their lawyers spoke to PEOPLE at the time about their ultimate hope to "provide Huxley with the best possible treatment and care."

"We are privy to this case and given the facts at hand, we feel this was the best decision for Huxley," Myka and James' lawyers, Thomas Taneff and Taylor Sayers, told PEOPLE in an exclusive statement issued in May 2020. "In coming to know our clients we know they are a loving family and are very caring parents that would do anything for their children."

"Since his adoption, they consulted with multiple professionals in the healthcare and educational arenas in order to provide Huxley with the best possible treatment and care," Taneff and Sayers continued. "Over time, the team of medical professionals advised our clients it might be best for Huxley to be placed with another family."

The vloggers' legal team noted that the Stauffers followed the advice of medical professionals, which, the lawyers clarified, "did NOT include any considerations for placement in the foster system, but rather to hand-select a family who is equipped to handle Huxley’s needs."

Since the adoption dissolution and resulting backlash, Myka's personal YouTube channel and the family's channel titled "The Stauffer Life" have both been deleted. James' "Stauffer Garage" channel remains online, though he only shares content relating to car flipping, detailing and cleaning, per the page's bio.

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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13405027/ANDREW-PIERCE-mother-childrens-home-lengths-never-traced.html?spot_im_redirect_source=user-profile&spot_im_comment_id=sp_jhHPoiRK_13405027_c_2gJcIXV2hYw9E8OC3aSl7w6HGPh_r_2gdRFVp7h68xk2PVkunsnbKN2P8&spot_im_highlight_immediate=true

ANDREW PIERCE: The bittersweet day I first laid eyes on the mother who left me in a children's home 45 years earlier and who went to incredible lengths never to be traced

By Andrew Pierce for the Daily Mail

Published: 02:06, 11 May 2024 | Updated: 09:24, 11 May 2024

Was I doing the right thing?

With the help of friends, I'd finally tracked down a woman who'd gone to extraordinary lengths never to be found.  It was a typically autumnal Birmingham day: dreary grey skies overhead and drizzling with soft rain. I arrived in her street in a black cab, but she clearly wasn't in so I settled down in my seat to await her return.  As the minutes ticked by, my stomach started churning with nervous tension and I struggled to contain waves of nausea.  The taxi driver, who'd been glancing at me in his mirror, turned to gaze at me with concern. 'Are you feeling OK, mate? You're looking very pale.'

At that point, I used my newspaper to clear the cab's steamy rear window. And there she was! Although the slight figure walking up the street was still too far away for me to discern either her age or her features, I knew with total certainty that my quest was over.  At the age of 48, I'd finally found my birth mother.  My mum and dad who adopted me when I was three had told me that, at birth, I'd been placed in Nazareth House, a Catholic orphanage in Cheltenham.  I also knew that when they absorbed me into their family, they'd changed my name from Patrick to Andrew.  I was slightly built with dark hair, while my three siblings were all heavily built and fair-haired, but I never had much cause to wonder about my origins. From the start, I was much loved by my adoptive parents, who treated me in exactly the same way they did their other children.  In fact, it wasn't until I'd left home and was working as a journalist that it dawned on me I didn't even know the name of my birth mother.  My parents, both Roman Catholics, lived in a three-bedroomed semi-detached on a council estate in Swindon. One Sunday in late 1962, a priest at their local church had announced there were dozens of babies at an orphanage in Cheltenham who desperately needed good, loving Catholic homes.  He knew money was tight for most of the congregation. But, as he told them: 'Love costs nothing.'

George Pierce, who worked as a spot welder on a car assembly line, and his wife, Betty, began to give serious thought to adopting. Thus they came into my life for the first time in the spring of 1963.  They started visiting the orphanage regularly, taking me out for walks and for lunch in local cafes. I was always dressed in check trousers, like Rupert Bear, and was apparently an unhappy, introverted child who rarely spoke a word.  Noticing I seemed to be constantly scratching my legs, George ducked me behind a tree one day and rolled up my trousers. He was shocked to discover my legs were a weeping and bloody mass of sores and blisters.  George told his wife: 'We've got to get the lad out of here, Bet!'

It would be the best part of half a century before I'd discover the reason why my legs were in such a terrible state.  By the time the adoption was finalised, I was calling Betty 'Mummy' or 'Mum'. Apparently, the word came easily.  After settling in, I had an extremely happy childhood. Like my brother and sisters, I went to Catholic junior and secondary schools. I took part in speech competitions and became the chief altar boy, singing solos in church until my voice broke.  Occasionally, I'd write letters to the Daily Mirror, my parents' newspaper. Once, when I was 14, I found Mum crying over an article supporting the government's decision to allow adopted children to track down their birth parents.  It was the first I'd heard of the change in adoption law, but all I really cared about was that Mum was upset. So I dashed off a letter arguing that 'blood wasn't necessarily thicker than water', and asking why I'd ever want to find my 'birth mother', when I had the mum I loved at home.  To my astonishment, it was the lead missive on the readers' page a few days later. After Mum read it, she dissolved into floods of tears. She even took the rare step of phoning my Dad on the assembly line to tell him to read the letters page and he too started crying.  It was this letter which I showed four years later to the editor of the Gloucestershire Echo that helped land me my first job in journalism. The editor, it turned out, was the father of two adopted kids.  As for Mum, she cherished that letter until the day she died, which is why I could never tell her I'd decided to find my birth mother.  A decade later, by which time I was working in London, my newspaper sent me to do some research at the General Register Office. While there, I thought it might be interesting to find my birth certificate.  The only information I'd ever had from my parents was that I'd been baptised Patrick James and was born at Bristol Southmead Hospital on February 10, 1961. It was enough: suddenly I was looking at the name of my birth mother Margaret Connolly. There was no name given for my father.  But when I called Mum to tell her what I'd discovered, there was no response at the other end of the phone. Total silence.  As I didn't want to do anything to upset her, I immediately dropped any idea of finding Margaret Connolly. Not that I wasn't tempted.  I had an image of her in my mind as a pregnant teenage Irish girl with dark hair, a slim figure and high cheekbones just like myself. She'd have come over to Britain, I guessed, to have the baby far from her disapproving family.  From what I'd read on the subject, she'd almost certainly be tortured with guilt and desperate for news of the child she'd given away.  By the time I was 48, I'd begun to fear that if I delayed looking for Margaret any longer, she might die before we had a chance to meet.  So I turned to my friend Jane Moore, an old colleague and now a regular on ITV show Loose Women. Among her other talents, she's a whizz at tracking people down, and had already found missing birth parents for four other friends.  Jane told me I needed to get hold of my adoption file. Several months after filing a request for it, I was given a date to turn up at my local social services department, and advised to bring a companion so I took my close friend, the Daily Mail columnist Amanda Platell.  A middle-aged social worker placed a thick blue file down on the Formica desk in front of us. With a slight sigh, she said: 'I have to say that this is one of the most complicated files that I've read. Ever. Your birth mother went to quite extraordinary lengths to cover her tracks, to ensure she'd never be found.'

Margaret had omitted her date of birth from any of the paperwork. She'd only given NHS nurses' accommodation it seems she'd been a nurse as her address. She'd omitted her middle name, making her even harder to trace.  I felt crushed. But I asked Jane to continue searching, convinced that Margaret would want to know her lost child was now a healthy, happy and successful middle-aged man.  The file contained a few new clues. For one thing, Margaret had been 29 when I was born (though we subsequently discovered she was actually 34), which now made her around 80.  For another, she'd stayed at a Catholic home for 'fallen women' in Bristol, just before and after I was born though how she managed that when she lived and worked 100 miles away in Birmingham was unexplained.  Other facts: she'd placed me in the orphanage in Cheltenham though she hadn't agreed to me being adopted and had continued visiting me there for two years until finally letting me go. For my board and lodging, she paid ?2 a week a huge chunk out of her earnings of ?8.10 shillings a week as a state-registered nurse.  Intriguingly, she'd told the orphanage she was getting married to my father four months after she deposited me, and would withdraw me then. Of course, this never happened.  My father's name James Coffey also appeared in a couple of documents. Had he subsequently left her in the lurch?

Everything in the file seemed to lead to more questions.  Jane Moore ran out of leads within a few weeks. But on the very day she decided to give up, she had one last trawl through the paperwork and came across an almost illegible letter that had become detached from the others.  It was from Margaret to the nuns at the orphanage, and in it she mentioned a small village where she'd once lived in Ireland, called Carrigeen. There was also a reference to farming.  That was enough for Jane to hit Google and eventually stumble across a list of sheep associations in Ireland. And there in the Carrigeen area was the name Connolly alongside a phone number. Well, it had to be worth a try!  She was lucky. The man who answered the phone was Margaret's nephew and he told Jane she'd married a man called Patrick Lennon and they lived in Selly Oak, a suburb of Birmingham.  I was having dinner with Amanda when Jane rang to say she'd found my birth mother. I remember being speechless: my mouth according to Amanda was opening and closing without any sound, like a stranded fish out of water.  Next came the tricky part. How best to approach Margaret?

I consulted the social worker, and she said it was best if someone neutral, preferably a woman, went to Margaret's home while I waited close by in case she agreed to see me.  Amanda volunteered to make the first approach. It should take place on a weekday morning, we decided, when Margaret's children or grandchildren were likely to be at work or at school. So in 2009, that's how I came to be in a taxi, parked just out of sight from Margaret's little house, when I spotted her walking up the street.  Amanda waited till she'd gone inside, then rang the doorbell. She told me afterwards that Margaret, a sprightly little lady with twinkling blue eyes, had opened the door, calmed down her yappy dog and greeted her with a big smile. But the smile had quickly faded when she learned why this stranger was on her doorstep.  She denied all knowledge of a child who was put up for adoption. It had nothing to do with her, she kept repeating, nothing at all. 'Why are you showing me this?' she demanded as Amanda held up a slightly battered photograph of me in my Rupert Bear trousers and a red duffel coat.

To which Amanda replied: 'You must know why. It's Patrick.'

The woman's face crumpled and she looked stricken. There was a glimmer of tears in her eyes as she took the photograph and began stroking the little boy's face. 'He's so sad. So sad,' she muttered.  'There are tears running down his face. He's crying...'

In fact, I wasn't crying in the photo at all; I was just gazing at a flower bed.  Amanda told her I was up the road in a cab, and desperate to meet her. But Margaret wouldn't budge.  'I'm sorry you've come so far, but it's not me it's not me. It's so cruel. So very cruel!' she repeated, before thrusting the photograph back into Amanda's hands and slamming the door shut in her face.

There was a sudden downpour as Amanda ran back to the cab. My heart sank. She looked grim soaking wet, with all the colour drained from her cheeks.  'Margaret says that it's not her,' she said, confirming my worst fears. 'She says we've got the wrong woman. In fact, she's totally denying all knowledge of Nazareth House or the hospital in Bristol.'

I'd been on an emotional high, but now I felt utterly crushed, as if someone had punched me in the solar plexus.  Yet the more rational part of me had known my birth mother might deny all knowledge of me, given she'd gone to such great lengths to cover her tracks.  So, on Jane's advice, I'd prepared in advance a short letter, telling Margaret my name was now Andrew, that I'd grown up in Swindon and had enjoyed a very happy childhood with my adoptive family. I didn't want to cause her any unhappiness, embarrassment or harm, I wrote; she'd already suffered enough when she'd had to walk away from me.  Jumping out of the cab, I ran through the rain to push my note though her letterbox, then asked the driver to take Amanda and me to the nearest pub.  It wasn't even 11am but we managed to find somewhere open and demolished a vile bottle of ros? in about 30 minutes flat. While we were tossing alcohol down our throats, Jane called.  When I told her what had happened, Jane's advice was succinct and blunt. 'She is definitely your birth mother. I'm 100 per cent certain. You have to send Amanda back to see Margaret.'

Amanda let out a heavy sigh, dreading the thought of another rebuff. Grimacing as she took a large gulp of the rough wine, she said: 'I'll have to do it. After all, we've come this far and I'm damned if I'm going to give up now.  Besides,' she added, 'you and Jane are right. I've no doubt that it is Margaret. Frankly, Andrew, she looks just like you!'

As the taxi took us back towards Margaret's house, I slunk down on the back seat, trying to keep well out of sight of the neighbours. Not very successfully, as it turned out, because I could see net curtains twitching all over the street.  Full of Dutch courage from the unpleasant ros?, Amanda strode up the road again. It felt like she was gone for an eternity. No more than four minutes later, she was back with tears streaming down her face. Alarmed, I threw open the door and rushed towards her.  'It's her. It really is her!' Amanda blurted out, her voice cracking with emotion. 'Margaret has admitted she's your mother and wants to see you. She was smiling. Beaming. Her eyes were glistening.'

Margaret must have panicked, we decided, when Amanda first turned up.  But the combination of my note and having a bit of time to think had done the trick.  Over the continual yaps of her dog, Margaret had said to Amanda: 'From the moment you left, I have been praying to Our Lord. Praying for you to come back. Praying for forgiveness. It is me! He was my child.  Tell him that I'll see him.'

Still on the doorstep, Amanda told her I was in a taxi only 300 yards away, adding: 'Why don't you walk to the car to see him, or I'll call him and ask him to come here?'

But Margaret was having none of it. 'No, not here,' she said firmly. 'I can't possibly see him here. Someone may see us. I have grown-up children. I also have grandchildren.  I really can't take any chances. They wouldn't understand.  'No one... No one...' she continued, anxiously clasping her hands together, 'no one knows about the baby. I will see him. But well away from the house.  'Ask him to write to me and we will arrange it. I promise you that I definitely will see him.' When she'd finished telling me all this, Amanda's eyes were glinting with tears again. 'I can hardly believe it but we've done it! We really have found Margaret. At last!'

We hugged each other. 'Do you believe her?' I asked. 'Do you really think she'll see me?'

'Oh, yes!' Amanda reassured me, adding: 'You're so like Margaret. With the same high cheekbones and the same infectious smile.'

To say I was elated is a complete understatement. Finally, I was going to see the woman who'd given birth to me and visited me as often as she could at Nazareth House Orphanage until for some unknown reason she'd given me up.  Where would we meet?

Certainly not in her home Margaret had made it quite plain she didn't want her family to know about me. So I decided to leave it up to her to choose somewhere she'd feel comfortable and relaxed.  After I'd written to her a couple of times, she'd asked me to phone her. I was uncharacteristically nervous before I made the call. What would she sound like? Would she be friendly? Would she call me Andrew? How should I react if she called me Patrick?

She answered the phone quickly, saying 'Hello' in an unmistakably Irish voice.

'It's Andrew,' I said. 'You were expecting me to call...?'

'Oh, yes,' she replied. 'How are you?'

That was it. Margaret's first words to her eldest child, whom she hadn't seen for almost 50 years, were extraordinarily prosaic.  Had I expected her voice to be racked with emotion?

Well, rationally, I knew that was a scenario for the story books.  She was friendly and matter-of-fact. After a bit of small talk about her dog, Bobby, and of course, the weather, I asked where she wanted us to meet up. 'Let's meet in the Home Store in Birmingham city centre. There's a very nice cafe,' she said. 'Everyone knows it.'

I asked if she'd like to make it lunch, but she insisted she couldn't be away from home for too long because of Bobby. We agreed on a time and date.  Just as I was about to wind up the call, she said: 'Oh, there is just one thing. I do want to say...' She paused, shyly adding: 'I do think you have a lovely voice.'

Then, with a sharp click, she hung up.  A search on Google failed to produce a 'Home Store' anywhere in Birmingham. Where could it be?

She'd said everyone knew it.  Then the penny dropped: BHS or British Home Stores. It was big, it would be busy and there was a large cafe. And it was a clever choice because she'd be far less conspicuous there than in a chic little restaurant.  Well, BHS was fine with me. In fact, it would give us something less emotive to talk about, as I'd had a Saturday job in Swindon's BHS when I was in the sixth form. I'd worked in the cafe, clearing tables, before reaching the dizzy heights of being assigned to the enormous commercial dishwasher.  Telling her about this, I hoped, would show Margaret I came from an ordinary family background, and make her feel more comfortable.  Anyway, roll on a month and I was again on a fast train from London to Birmingham, accompanied as before by Amanda.  My excitement at the prospect of finally meeting my birth mother was tempered by distinct feelings of nervousness and unease.  What if she didn't like me?

What if she resented my totally unexpected appearance in her life?

And what if she didn't show up at all?

Adapted from Finding Margaret: Solving The Mystery Of My Birth Mother by Andrew Pierce (Biteback, ?20) to be published 23 May. To order a copy for ?18 (offer valid to 25/05/24; UK P&P free on orders over ?25) go to www.mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3176 2937.

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https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13327201/Autistic-mother-killed-baby-adoption-inquest.html

Autistic first-time mother, 22, killed herself hours after learning her six-month-old baby might be put up for adoption, inquest hears

    Fern Foster died on July 8, 2020, after learning that her baby might be adopted
    The inquest concluded that local authority failings contributed to her death
    For confidential support, call Samaritans on 116 123, visit samaritans.org or visit https://www.thecalmzone.net/get-support

By Lettice Bromovsky

Published: 10:39, 19 April 2024 | Updated: 13:34, 19 April 2024

An autistic mother took her own life hours after being told her six-month-old baby might be put up for adoption, an inquest has found.  Fern Foster, 22, died on July 8, 2020, after an email sent to her partner by his solicitor outlined the news that their child might be adopted.  Fern's baby had gone into foster care almost a month after she was born, in January 2020, after the support Fern's family believe she was entitled to was not put into place.  The inquest which concluded yesterday found that a lack of an independent advocate on a regular, consistent and continuous basis contributed to Fern's decision to take her own life.  The court heard that Fern, from Monks Risborough, Bucks, was diagnosed with autism at 15 and struggled to get the support she needed, often using self-harm as a way of communicating her distress.  Fern found out she was pregnant on 25 July 2019 and shortly after, Buckinghamshire Children's Services became involved.  The court heard that Fern, who aspired to become an English teacher, was delighted when she found out she was pregnant, and the news changed her outlook on life.  While she was pregnant, and up to the point of her child being taken from her, she did not engage in any self-harming or other behaviour that would put her or her baby at risk.  It heard how Fern had described the process that ultimately led to her child being taken out of her care as a 'runaway train'.  Senior Coroner for Buckinghamshire Crispin Butler gave a narrative conclusion, recording the cause of death as suicide.  He added that the lack of an independent advocate and the way in which news indicating the adoption of Fern's child was communicated to her was contributing more than minimally to her decision to end her own life.  The court heard how Fern needed help at a much earlier stage from an independent advocate who could help her understand and engage with professionals.  This was the single largest reasonable adjustment that could have been made to support Fern's needs.  Fern had previously indicated intentions of taking her own life were her child adopted, and the court heard that the manner in which plans indicating adoption were communicated to her was a key trigger for Fern's actions.  No communication plan had been put in place and Fern became aware of the news via an email sent to her partner by his solicitor.  Fern's family describe her as bright, kind, caring and conscientious and someone who left a lasting impression with everyone she met.  Fern's sister Rowan said: 'We are pleased that the lack of advocacy provided in Fern's care, and the inappropriate delivery of the proposed care plan for adoption that the local authority had submitted, have been recognised as the causes of Fern's death.  Mothers who face their children being removed should be supported, especially autistic mothers, as autistic women have a 13 times higher risk of death by suicide.  It is tragic that there was never a clear plan to support Fern to be a mother, nor to protect her safety when she was told that would not be possible.  These essential requirements were repeatedly ignored, inevitably pushing Fern to breaking point. This was no way to treat a vulnerable, disabled, first time mum.  We believe that the lack of understanding and acceptance of autism in women and girls significantly contributed to the poor care that Fern received.  She was diagnosed late, repeatedly labelled with a personality disorder that she did not have, and the stigma around this led to her being harmed.  Fern was open about her suicidality, yet she was not taken seriously.  The misdiagnosis of personality disorders must end, as must the punitive and dangerous culture of care which comes alongside them.  Finally, we feel that the right of autistic parents to access the support they deserve is not adequately protected in policy or law. It is imperative that this changes and that autistic parents are protected in future.'

Caleb Bawdon, a Leigh Day solicitor who represented the family said: 'Fern's family welcome the coroner's conclusion which acknowledges that she was badly let down before her death.  It is approaching four years since Fern's death but her family have been clear from the very start about the difference that access to independent advocacy would have made to the outcome. 
'It is a testament to the strength and courage of her family during this time that the coroner has now agreed with them, and they are grateful for the care and consideration he took in conducting his investigation.'

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Books / Coming home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up
« on: April 19, 2024, 02:11:58 PM »
Coming home to Self: The Adopted Child Grows Up - Nancy Verrier

Coming Home to Self is a book about becoming aware. It is written for all members of the adoption adoptees, birth parents, and adoptive parents as well as those who are in relationship with them, including professionals. It explains the influence imprinted upon the nuerological system and, thus, on future functioning. It explains how false beliefs create fear and perpetuate being ruled by the wounded child. It is a book which will help adoptees discover their authentic selves after living without seeing themselves reflected back all their lives.

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Books / Dear Son / Moving On
« on: March 31, 2024, 02:13:22 PM »
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Dear-Son-Moving-Philippa-Hope-Hornsey/dp/1326243519

Dear Son / Moving On
by Philippa Hope-Hornsey (Author)

My life as a daughter, sister, wife, mother and an adoption survivor. When I was 19 years old I was forced to surrender my son. It broke my heart and I became severely depressed which included self harming and being suicidal over the years. In 2004 I found my son who had been searching for me and had found my family in 1999. I had fallen out with my family in 1999 but from 2001 (we had moved) I let my parents know where my husband and I were but they chose not to tell my son. Life has been a rollercoaster but reunion hasn't made up for the lost years and the pain is always with me.

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