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Articles / Psychologist whose advice led to at least a dozen children being removed ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 26, 2025, 03:52:11 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15227741/Psychologist-advice-led-dozen-children-removed-mothers-evidence-thrown-custody-case.html

Psychologist whose advice led to at least a dozen children being removed from their mothers has evidence thrown out in custody case

By HANNAH SUMMERS

Published: 09:06, 26 October 2025 | Updated: 09:06, 26 October 2025

A psychologist accused of peddling ‘harmful pseudoscience’ whose advice led to at least a dozen children being removed from their mothers has had her evidence thrown out in a landmark legal ruling.  Melanie Gill describes herself as a ‘highly specialised’ expert who has been paid tens of thousands of pounds to give evidence in more than 150 family court disputes many of which involve decisions over whether to remove children from parents.  Critics, however, claim that Gill makes hugely controversial assessments of families based on a disputed concept called ‘parental alienation’, where a child has rejected one of their parents after supposedly being manipulated by another.  Now, in a landmark legal judgement, a high court judge has rejected evidence by Gill which led to a mother losing custody of her two daughters.  The bombshell ruling by Mrs Justice Judd, revealed following an investigation by The Bureau of Investigative Journalism, has thrown the family courts into crisis amid calls for a review of cases in which Gill has been used as an expert witness.  In an exclusive interview, the mother at the centre of the case this weekend said Gill’s evidence had torn her family apart.  The mother has only been allowed to see her two daughters under strict supervision once a fortnight after Gill told the family court that she was a ‘narcissist’ who had alienated her children against their father.  ‘The damage caused by Melanie Gill will stay with me and my girls for a lifetime,’ she said.

‘I’ve missed out on all the important milestones in their lives: school plays, birthdays, sports days, first periods, graduations.’

Gill stated that the woman’s children had suffered ‘emotional and psychological harm’ as a result of her parenting and would continue to do so if they were returned to her care without her receiving therapy.  As a result, a judge ordered that the girls should live with their father a decision made against the advice of a social worker and despite allegations, which he denies, that he had mistreated the children.  Gill was paid £10,688 for her assessment of the woman’s family.  But in a judgment published last week, Mrs Justice Judd ruled Gill’s report and the subsequent findings should be disregarded because they were based on a ‘mistaken foundation’.  This followed a crucial ruling by Sir Andrew McFarlane, the president of the family division, in 2022 that parental alienation ‘is not a syndrome capable of diagnosis’ and that instead a judge should look at the facts of the case.  The mother said the ordeal has done irreparable damage to her relationship with her children, who were six and nine when they were taken from her. For the last five years she has not seen or spoken to them on Christmas Day or on Mother’s Day.  The ruling throws the spotlight on the controversial use of unregulated experts by the courts. A former music promoter with a third-class degree in psychology, Gill is not registered with the Health and Care Professions Council. Guidance. Judges can appoint experts who are not regulated, although the body which sets the rules for the family courts is considering whether to ban the use of such witnesses.  Last night, in a major intervention, Claire Waxman, the incoming Victims’ Commissioner for England and Wales, called on Sir Andrew to now review every case where Gill or any other unregulated expert has diagnosed ‘parental alienation’ and where children were subsequently removed from parents.  ‘I’ve seen appalling cases where unregulated “parental alienation” experts have torn children from their protective mothers who were victims of domestic or sexual abuse, and even led to children being handed back to the very person who harmed them, all because those experts dismissed disclosures of abuse as lies.  This judgment must signal an end to this harmful practice, once and for all.  It is a national scandal that unregulated ‘experts’ have been given such unchecked power, endangering mothers and children and inflicting irreversible damage.’

Dr Jaime Craig, chair of the Association of Clinical Psychologists UK, said the mother’s case is ‘just the tip of the iceberg’.  ‘Gill is far from the only expert who has been diagnosing “parental alienation” in the family courts based on harmful pseudoscience.’

Family barrister Charlotte Proudman said: ‘This ruling could have significant ramifications for other families which have been torn apart because of false diagnoses which are wrongly accepted by judges.’

A Ministry of Justice spokesperson said: ‘We share the concerns about these unregulated “parental alienation” experts and we are working with the Family Procedure Rule Committee to prevent them from giving evidence in the family courts.’

It is understood that Ms Gill asserts that she is an expert psychologist in family dynamics and an attachment specialist, with around 19 years’ experience of providing expert reports in care and legal proceedings.  During a 2023 case, she told a court: ‘I have been challenged and questioned on my qualifications in every single private law case I have ever undertaken and I have never been criticised.’

Ms Gill was approached for comment.

12

Articles / My beloved sons were removed by social services and put up for adoption......

« Last post by RDsmum on October 24, 2025, 03:12:41 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/lifestyle/family-parenting/article-15221239/sons-social-services-adoption-unfit-mothers-Angela-Frazer-Wicks.html

My beloved sons were removed by social services and put up for adoption. But read my story before you judge 'unfit' mothers like me, says Angela Frazer-Wicks

By HELEN CARROLL FOR THE DAILY MAIL

Published: 01:08, 24 October 2025 | Updated: 09:47, 24 October 2025

Angela Frazer-Wicks will never forget the sunny July day she strapped her two little boys into a stranger's car and waved goodbye acutely, heartbreakingly aware that she was unlikely ever to see them again.  A social worker was driving them away to be adopted, after Angela, then 29, had been deemed an 'unfit' mother.  As the car carrying her sons, then five and 14 months, pulled away, Angela's knees buckled and she fell to the ground.  'The last words I said to my sons, through the car window, were 'Mammy loves you and I'll write really soon'. Then they were gone,' recalls Angela.

'The pain was so intense, I honestly don't know how I ever stood back up. I stayed in bed for days, wishing I was dead.'

This is a story that is very rarely told. While parents who adopt children who have been removed from birth families have been known to speak out, mothers who lose their offspring in this way rarely do. Perhaps understandably, as these extreme measures are shrouded in shame, and sympathy is scant. It is assumed that if your children are taken off you, you must be at worst violent or abusive, at best feckless.  No one imagines you might be a victim of circumstances yourself.  At the same time, social workers must put the child's best interests first. We have all heard of the tragic cases where children died at the hands of the parents who were wrongly deemed fit to keep them. So why would Angela wish to stick her head above the parapet to speak about this controversial topic?

She says she has chosen to share her story in National Adoption Week to help raise awareness that not all mothers like her are 'abusive monsters' and how crucial post-adoption support is.  'Most people, just as I once did, believe that all birth mothers must have done something hideously bad for our children to be taken away from us,' she says.

'I'm as sickened as anyone by the tragic tales of children being subjected to the most awful things at the hands of parents because social workers haven't stepped in. But, when they do, it's not always because of abuse or severe neglect.  'I hope that my experience illustrates how very complicated the stories of those of us who find ourselves in this deeply sad situation can be.'

After all, Angela's current life couldn't be more different to the situation she found herself in when her sons were taken away. Now 50, she is a respectable married mother to a daughter, 14, living in Wisbech, Cambridgeshire. And, perhaps most surprisingly, she is now in regular contact with her elder son an unexpected outcome she describes as 'something that brings me more joy than I'd ever hoped possible'.

Indeed, such is the dramatic turnaround that in 2023 Angela was awarded an MBE for services to children and families, recognising her work with child welfare charity the Family Rights Group.  Rewind two decades to 2004, when Angela lost her sons, Jonathon and Joseph, and it was a different story.  Back then she was in an abusive relationship with the father of her younger son, who had coerced her into taking heroin a drug he himself was addicted to after insisting it would ease her ongoing pain after her caesarean scar burst following the birth of her elder boy.  While Angela never hurt her sons and says they were always fed and clean, she was warned that if she couldn't keep her violent partner out of her children's lives, they would be taken into care.  'I understand they were worried about my sons, knowing how violent my partner was and that we were both dependent on drugs, but what I needed was support to get away from him, to get off drugs and with raising my children,' says Angela.

'The mistake they made was in seeing me as the problem the person my children needed taking away from not, with the right help, someone who could be part of the solution.'

As the council house they lived in was in her partner's name and she was not permitted to change the locks, even once a restraining order was put in place, she was unable to keep him away.  'I know there is very little sympathy for birth parents like me, but having your children taken away is the hardest and most painful thing any mother could experience,' says Angela, who has now been clean for almost 20 years.

'I would have given anything to be able to raise my sons myself, but I just didn't have the means, or support, to keep them safe.'

It was three years before she turned her life around with the help of a drug rehabilitation programme and following the organisation After Adoption putting her in contact with the Family Rights Group. And, while feeling 'eternally grateful' to her sons' adoptive parents for the 'wonderful' childhoods they had, she dearly wishes she had been able to achieve that before she lost the chance to raise them.  Like many who find themselves in such intensely fraught situations, Angela had a troubled upbringing.  Growing up in the North East, her father, now dead, was physically abusive, beating her with a belt and slippers throughout her childhood.  She left home aged 19 and had little further contact with her parents. When she became pregnant at 23 in 1998, the father chose not to be in her son's life.  The birth of her first son ended in a C-section and, a few days later, back home alone with baby Jonathon, the scar split.  'My insides basically came out of the wound, and I had to pick them up in my dressing gown and phone for an ambulance,' Angela says. 'I was rushed to hospital where the doctors saved my life.'

Traumatised and in a great deal of pain, Angela contacted her local authority to ask if any help could be provided before her return home. She was assigned a family support worker, a woman called Christine, who she credits with helping her turn her life around.  With Christine's help, she found a nursery place for Jonathon, enrolled on a law course at a local college and worked full-time as a paralegal. While paying rent to a private landlord, Angela also managed to save money towards a deposit on a house.  However, when Jonathon was 19 months old, Angela met a man who seemed 'kind and charming', but who turned out to be anything but.  'He showed me a lot of concern and compassion that I'd not experienced in relationships before,' she says. 'He made me laugh and was lovely with my son.'

But when, a few weeks later, she agreed he could move in with her, his kindness quickly turned into coercive control.  'He always had to know where I was, who I was talking to and accused me of having affairs with people at work,' she recalls. 'Within a few months of him moving in, everything fell apart.  Out of the blue I received an eviction notice and discovered that he'd been stealing the rent money, pretending to pay it and then forging the rent book. He'd also stolen my house deposit.  Trying to repay the rent, I didn't have enough money to put my son into nursery, which meant I couldn't get to work, so within a matter of weeks I lost my job, my home, my car. Everything.'

It was then that Angela discovered her partner who died in 2013 was a heroin addict who had relapsed and spent her money on drugs. He had also been stealing the codeine tablets she was taking for abdominal pain from the caesarean.  Apologetic, he promised to find them somewhere else to live securing a council house, in his name and that, once they were settled, he would go to rehab.  It was then that Angela succumbed to taking illegal drugs. When her codeine ran out her GP refused to prescribe more as she was already on the maximum dose. Her partner convinced her that 'a little bit of heroin' would help.  I was in so much pain it was difficult to function,' Angela recalls. 'So I decided to smoke a tiny bit of heroin, thinking it was just until I could get my prescription filled.  But that's not the way that heroin works and, before I knew it, I was completely dependent. The hardest thing of all to bear was how badly I'd let my son down.'

Desperate to turn her life around, Angela contacted social services in the hope of reconnecting with Christine. But by then the council no longer employed family support workers and she was assigned a social worker, who urged her to come off the drugs without offering help to do so.  Living in fear of her violent partner while trying, unsuccessfully, to manage her own withdrawal from heroin, Angela had a breakdown. It was while she was in hospital that Jonathon, then three, was first put in temporary foster care.  Shortly after returning home, Angela discovered she was pregnant with her second child.  Initially, not wanting a baby, her partner walked out. The pregnancy meant she was moved up the list for drug rehabilitation, and she was able to get completely clean with a methadone withdrawal programme in her second trimester.  Four weeks before the baby was due, Jonathon was finally allowed to go back home, a joyous moment for Angela.  However, shortly before the birth her partner also returned, apologising and claiming the prospect of fatherhood had scared him, because his dad had deserted him when he was a baby.  After Joseph's birth, things deteriorated exponentially. When Joseph was six weeks old, Angela went into septic shock after it was found some of the placenta had remained in her uterus. Doctors managed to save her life, only for her partner to throw her down the stairs, fracturing her ribs and breaking her thumb.  She went to court to get a non-molestation order so he would be arrested if he went near her or the children. But the same day, social workers turned up at the door bearing the news that her children were now on the 'at risk register', because she had failed to protect them from seeing her being assaulted.  She was then 'forced' to sign an agreement that should she allow her now former partner near them, the children would be removed immediately.  Over the next four weeks, her ex would regularly let himself into the house: 'I'd wake in the middle of the night, and he'd be standing over me, saying 'Give me money, or I'm going to tell them I've been here and you'll lose the kids'.'

Police said that without evidence there was no proof he'd broken the non-molestation order. In desperation, Angela pleaded with staff at her local social services offices to find her and the children somewhere to live where he wouldn't find them.  Instead, the following day a social worker and two police officers turned up at the door and announced that her children were being taken into care because, in admitting that her ex had been in the house, she had 'failed to protect' them from him and broken the terms of the order she had signed.  That day in 2004 was the last time Angela's sons were under her roof. She spent the next year attending access visits and undergoing a psychological assessment in an attempt to get them back.  But when a psychologist's report stated she would need a minimum of 18 months instead of the required 12 months of therapy to be 'in a position to parent', she was told her children would be adopted. 'I was utterly devastated,' she says. 'I became severely depressed. Stopped answering the phone, stopped going to contact meetings, because seeing my sons was too painful, and not one person checked on me.'

Angela went on to attempt suicide and was offered a place in a women's refuge, which she accepted. Angela was eventually convinced to give written permission for the adoption as she no longer had the strength or support to continue fighting. Over the next few months, she began attending contact sessions again.  'I wanted to make some precious memories with them in the time we had left,' she says.

'Those meetings, in soulless access centres, were incredibly bittersweet. As the final one approached, in the July, all I could think was: 'How can I tell my five-year-old son that we'll soon have to say goodbye?' But I needn't have worried because he took me by the hand and said, 'Mam, you'd better sit down, I've got some bad news for you. Not next week, but the week after is the last time you're ever going to see either of us again. Are you going to be OK on your own?'

Angela becomes tearful at the memory.  Despite the crippling loss and grief, by the end of 2005 Angela had completed a methadone programme and was free of drugs.  She moved away from the North East to Norfolk, where she met her husband Paul, 43, head of technical in a food production company.  Still, she thought about her sons every day, all the more so after having her daughter. Desperate to avoid any investigations following her daughter's birth, Angela contacted social services while pregnant.  Following an assessment, social workers confirmed they had no child protection concerns.  In the early years she'd had 'letterbox contact' with her sons, annual letters with photographs.  However, that stopped when her eldest reached his teenage years and his adoptive mother wrote explaining that they were moving to Australia and he was struggling with the thought of maintaining the connection. Angela insists that her priority was respecting her sons' wishes and doing whatever was in their interests.  Then, out of the blue, in December 2020 she received an email from her old local authority saying Jonathon, by then 22, would like to hear from her and passing on an email address.  'I sent a message saying, 'I'm absolutely over the moon to be in touch, but there's no pressure' and got an instant reply, 'Hi, Mum. This has been a long time coming, hasn't it?'  I couldn't believe he was back in my life, and calling me Mum,' says Angela, smiling, with glistening eyes.

They have stayed in regular contact since, and last October Jonathon came to visit, with his wife. 'Exactly 20 years, three months and 14 days after hugging him goodbye, I hugged him hello again,' says Angela.

'There just aren't words to describe how wonderful that moment was for me. I'd never dared dream it would happen.  'It felt like the most natural thing in the world.'

As well as rejoicing at having Jonathon back in her life, she was touched by the bond that developed between her son and daughter, who had heard so much about her brothers.  Joseph has not had the same desire to reconnect with Angela, a decision she respects, wanting him to do whatever feels right.  Angela tries to be compassionate with her younger self. 'Although it makes me sad, I can't turn back the clock and there's little point in thinking about all the years I didn't have with my sons. If things had been different, I'm unlikely to have met my husband and my daughter wouldn't exist. Likewise, I couldn't have given them the wonderful life they've had with their adoptive parents, and I'd never want to take that away from any of them.'

Jonathon and Joseph's names have been changed

For more information and support visit the Family Rights Group child welfare charity (frg.org.uk) or PAC-UK at pac-uk.org

For confidential support call the Samaritans on 116123 or visit a local Samaritans branch, see samaritans.org for details

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Articles / I always wondered about the little boy in the mysterious photo in my ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 16, 2025, 05:14:54 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-15193659/I-wondered-little-boy-mysterious-photo-mothers-house-brother-given-44-Ive-finally-met-time.html

I always wondered about the little boy in the mysterious photo in my mother's house. Then, I found out he was my brother who was given up, now at 44, I've finally met him for the first time

    Diane's strict father made her put her eldest child up for adoption
    READ MORE: Long Lost Family viewers are left 'broken' and 'sobbing their hearts out' as woman, 71, reunites with her son 55 years after she was forced to give him up for adoption by her ashamed mother

By ALANAH KHOSLA, FEMAIL REPORTER

Published: 12:53, 15 October 2025 | Updated: 12:54, 15 October 2025

A man has revealed his joy at finally meeting his older brother after wondering about his wellbeing and whereabouts his entire life.  Delivery driver Mark Thorpe, 44, from East Norfolk, spotted a photograph of a baby beside his mother's bed as a child, and somehow knew it wasn't him, leaving him to question throughout his early years who the mystery boy was.  It wasn't until he was aged five that his mother, Diane, eventually revealed to him that the little boy in the photograph was his older brother, whom she was made to give up for adoption.  Mark said, 'I was always intrigued by this photo; there were multiple copies of this all around the house. This one was beside her bed, and she had it tattooed on her arm as well.'

There was never a day that went by that Mark's mother didn't think about her first child, whom she had given up for adoption at the age of 19, due to the strict nature of her parents.  'In the years that followed, I know she struggled mentally,' Mark said, adding, 'I know when I was growing up, she went through bouts of depression, and I think my mum's anxieties maybe stemmed from the adoption.'

When his mother sadly died aged 73 in 2023, Mark made the decision to search for his long lost brother, who was originally called Kevin but later named Martin by his adoptive parents.  In an emotional episode of ITV's Long Lost Family, which airs on Thursday, Mark finally fulfils his lifelong wish and meets his older brother after years of living in the unknown.  Thinking back to his childhood, Mark said, 'Mum and I were close, and everything seemed happy to me.'

But despite his positive upbringing, Mark acknowledged some emotional tension from his mother throughout his formative years, adding, 'There was this slight, not coldness, but reluctance to get too close or let too much out.'

It's a reality that Mark rooted back to the adoption of his older brother, and though he loved his late grandfather, he admitted that it was a decision made to please him.  During the episode, the delivery driver travelled back to his grandparents' home. He said, 'She must've been quite nervous telling my grandparents at that age.  The birth father made it clear that he wasn't going to stick around, and then my granddad said, 'Well, you can't keep that baby if you're not married.'  My granddad was stubborn, you weren't going to change his mind. I don't think she had a choice, she had nowhere else to go.'

Mark, a father to his three children, said, 'The thought of that, I'd be lost without my children, it would be like losing a part of your heart.'

After the adoption, Diane struggled with depression. Mark believes her illness was linked to the adoption.  Thinking back to his childhood, Mark said, 'Mum and I were close, and everything seemed happy to me.'

But despite his positive upbringing, Mark acknowledged some emotional tension from his mother throughout his formative years, adding, 'There was this slight, not coldness, but reluctance to get too close or let too much out.'

It's a reality that Mark rooted back to the adoption of his older brother, and though he loved his late grandfather, he admitted that it was a decision made to please him.

During the episode, the delivery driver travelled back to his grandparents' home. He said, 'She must've been quite nervous telling my grandparents at that age.  The birth father made it clear that he wasn't going to stick around, and then my granddad said, 'Well, you can't keep that baby if you're not married.'  My granddad was stubborn, you weren't going to change his mind. I don't think she had a choice, she had nowhere else to go.'

Mark, a father to his three children, said, 'The thought of that, I'd be lost without my children, it would be like losing a part of your heart.'

After the adoption, Diane struggled with depression. Mark believes her illness was linked to the adoption.  Recalling his childhood, Martin said, 'I couldn't have had a better situation to be adopted into than what I ended up in. There's only my mum still around now, she's the one who encouraged me to make use of my music.'

When Nicky informed him of his birth mother's story and how she never stopped loving him, Martin was reduced to tears. 'I'm really touched by that,' he said.

He was delighted to hear that his birth brother longed to meet him.  In a heartwarming conclusion, the brothers finally meet for the first time.  Initially, Mark is apologetic, saying, 'I just think it was such a bombshell for you. I was the one setting the bomb off.'

To which Martin replied, 'Yeah, but it turned out to be full of glitter.'

Mark, emotional but elated by their meeting, said, 'He's full of life and funny. I can tell we have a slightly similar sense of humour,' adding,  'It'd be great to take him to Norfolk to see the rest of the family.'

His older brother was equally pleased with the meeting, saying, 'I think he's a really deep person, I know he's full of interesting stories to tell me, not just about me, but about him as well, so I look forward to that.'

14

Articles / Teacher denies murder and sexual assault against 13-month-old boy he was ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 14, 2025, 10:51:46 AM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15187353/Teacher-denies-murder-sexual-assault-against-13-month-old-boy-adopting.html

Teacher denies murder and sexual assault against 13-month-old boy he was adopting

By RICHARD MARSDEN, GENERAL REPORTER

Published: 14:00, 13 October 2025 | Updated: 16:22, 13 October 2025

Teacher denies murder and sexual assault against 13-month-old boy he was adopting

By RICHARD MARSDEN, GENERAL REPORTER

Published: 14:00, 13 October 2025 | Updated: 16:22, 13 October 2025

A former secondary school head of year has denied the murder and sexual assault of a toddler – plus over 30 other charges.

Jamie Varley showed no emotion as he answered pleas of 'not guilty' when each count was put to him.

The 36-year-old is accused of killing 13-month-old Preston Davey, who he and his co-accused, John McGowan-Fazakerley, were in the process of adopting.

Varley appeared at Preston Crown Court for the 45-minute hearing this morning via video link from the city's prison.

McGowan-Fazakerley, 32, appeared at the same hearing by video link from HMP Durham.

Preston's mother sat sobbing in the public gallery of the courtroom as the charges were read.

Judge Robert Altham, Honorary Recorder of Preston said: 'I can only imagine how challenging that was for Preston's mother to hear. I'm sorry, but it does have to be done.'

Varley denies the murder and manslaughter of Preston on July 27, 2023.

15

Articles / German mayor 'was stabbed by adopted daughter, 17', police believe after....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 10, 2025, 01:51:52 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15174551/German-mayor-stabbed-adopted-daughter-17-police-believe-finding-bloodied-knife-clothes.html

German mayor 'was stabbed by adopted daughter, 17', police believe after finding bloodied knife and clothes

By PERKIN AMALARAJ, FOREIGN NEWS REPORTER

Published: 18:34, 8 October 2025 | Updated: 23:23, 8 October 2025

The newly elected mayor of a German town who was found at her home with stab wounds is believed to have been attacked by her teenage daughter, investigators said.  Iris Stalzer, 57, was voted in as the mayor of Herdecke on September 28 and is due to take office on November 1.  Police said emergency services were alerted shortly after midday on Tuesday by her daughter, who reported that Ms Stalzer had been seriously wounded outside her house in an attempted robbery.  Officers went to the house, where they found Ms Stalzer sitting in a chair with at least 13 stab wounds and determined that the attack appeared to have happened indoors.   She was flown to a hospital by helicopter, having suffered serious injuries, including a wound to her lung. Police said on Wednesday that she is now out of danger.  Investigators found two knives and clothing in the house, which are believed to have been used in the attack, and detained Ms Stalzer's 17-year-old daughter and 15-year-old son.  The evidence was found in her son's bedroom. Investigators also found that large blood stains appeared to have been removed before emergency services were called, though these were visible upon a deep inspection, according to Bild.  When questioned on Tuesday evening, Ms Stalzer pointed to her daughter as the suspect, police investigator Jens Rautenberg said.  There was no immediate information on the nature of the family conflict that preceded the stabbing.

16

General Discussion / Parents trying to conceive after adoption

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 08, 2025, 12:11:41 PM »

Articles on parents trying to conceive after an adoption exist, though the research primarily focuses on the profound and enduring grief and health consequences experienced by parents. Studies show that for many, the force/illegl/decision to place a child for adoption involves ongoing feelings of maternal loss and physical/mental health impacts. While less information is available about parents' desires to have more children, existing data indicates this is a topic connected to the ongoing trauma of the adoption experience and the continued desire for a family.

Key Themes in the Literature

Disenfranchised Grief:
*  A significant theme in research on parents is the concept of disenfranchised grief, where their loss is not fully recognized or supported by society, leading to long-term emotional distress.
 Health and Well-being:
*  Research consistently points to continuing negative physical and mental health consequences for mothers following adoption, such as ongoing feelings of loss and inadequate self-worth.
 Attachment to the Unborn Child:
*  Even when a mother knows she will not be keeping the baby, deep maternal bonds can form, leading to lasting love and a desire to parent.
Limited Research on Post-Adoption Conception:
*  While there's extensive literature on the parent experience of loss and grief, research specifically detailing post-adoption family building and desire for more children is less common.

Finding Relevant Resources

Search Terms:
*  When looking for these types of articles, use terms such as "(natural) mother grief," "(natural) father experience adoption," "loss of child adoption consequences," and "(natural) parent trauma".

Academic Databases:
Utilize databases like National Institutes of Health (NIH) and ScienceDirect.com to access studies on the lasting effects of adoption on birth parents.
Adoption Organizations:
Check resources from adoption support organizations, which often provide articles and information on the adoption experience from various perspectives.

17

Articles / 'I loved you and didn't want to let you go': Mother's heartbreaking message ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 06, 2025, 04:34:30 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-15154935/Woman-long-lost-brother-30-years-mothers-dying-wish-meeting-him.html

'I loved you and didn't want to let you go': Mother's heartbreaking message from beyond the grave to son she was forced to give up for adoption as family find him after 30-year search

    Jayne meets her brother in this week's episode of Long Lost Family
    READ MORE: Scottish woman's heartbreak as she tracks down her birth mother after 50 years - only to find out she doesn't want to meet

By ALANAH KHOSLA, FEMAIL REPORTER

Published: 11:03, 2 October 2025 | Updated: 17:54, 2 October 2025

A woman whose older brother was put up for adoption has revealed her joy at finally meeting him after a 30-year search fulfilling their mother's dying wish.  Jayne Hadlow, 60, from Essex, met her brother Andrew for the first time this year.  The pair's mother Kathleen was unmarried when she had Andrew at the age of 21, and to her heartbreak, her strict Catholic parents put her son who she'd named Jeffrey up for adoption behind her back.  In 1994, at the age of 53, Kathleen sadly died of cancer, and her final wish was for Jayne to find her firstborn and tell him that he was loved.  'I still know that it hurt Mum to the depths of her soul to let him go,' Jayne told tonight's episode of ITV's Long Lost Family.

'She carried it with her for the rest of her life.'

'One of the final things she spoke about was Jeffery, and she said, "Jayne, when I'm gone, can you please find him for me; can you please tell him what happened, and tell him that I loved him and that I didn't want to let him go". She held my hand and she said, "Please, please make sure that you do it".'

Growing up, Jayne and her two younger brothers, Stephen and Jamie, were unaware of Andrew's existence.  But when she was 19, Jayne's life changed forever when her mother told her the truth.  Jayne explained, 'Mum was 21 when she had Jeffery. He was born two years before me. She went home one day and he wasn't there. My grandparents had the baby adopted. I can't imagine the pain of that. She carried that every single day.'

Kathleen was always the life and soul of the party, but there was one day each year when her mood and behaviour completely changed.  Their late father would always take Jayne and her siblings out on bonfire night, but Kathleen always refused to come.  The children would see her the next day and see that she was upset, her face swollen from crying.  Jayne explained, 'Bonfire night every year my father would take us out. We were just super excited to see the fireworks with dad, it was great.'

Despite the festive fun, they would always question why their mother wouldn't come. 'She wasn't her usual bright self.  We'd come back and mum would be in the bedroom and we wouldn't really see her until the next day. We could always tell she'd been upset and crying.'

It wasn't until Jayne was 19 that she discovered the reason behind her mother's sadness.  'She just said to me one day, 'I need to tell you something, you've got a brother; his name is Jeffery, and I had him adopted, well, I didn't have him adopted, he was adopted.  Jeffery was born on the 6 November, 1962. Bonfire night was the night that would bring all those memories back. Now I understand why she was so upset at that time of year.'

Piecing together her family's past, she visited her mother's home in Liverpool, where she was raised.  She said, 'My grandparents were not happy at all at mum being pregnant and not being married. They were very strict Catholics. They sent her away to the Isle of Wight. They were basically trying to hide it.'

Kathleen spent the duration of her pregnancy miles away from family and friends, and when it was time to have her baby, she returned to Liverpool.  'After she had Jeffery, I think the pressure from her parents probably got on her every single day.  I think she fought it as hard as she could, she wasn't going to let him go. But she came home one day and the baby wasn't there, he was gone.'

Jayne added, 'It hurt mum to the depths of her soul to let him go. She carried it with her for the rest of her life.'

Kathleen sadly died at the age of 53, and one of the last things she spoke about was her long-lost son.  Before Jayne went to the Long Lost Family team, she had exhausted all search options and hit a dead end.  However, thankfully, the team discovered that Jeffrey was adopted by a couple who lived in the Lake District and that his name was changed to Andrew.  The show's team of specialist intermediaries found that he is now living in Bristol, and wrote to him to reveal that he has a younger sister who is desperate to find him.  Host Nicky Campbell travelled to Bristol to meet Andrew, who welcomed the news that his birth family was searching for him.  Discussing his life with his adoptive family, Andrew told Nicky, 'I had a great upbringing, a great childhood, I felt a part of that family, they made me feel like a part of it. That's why I never went looking, it was that loyalty.'

However, after hearing the news of Jayne's search, Andrew was visibly taken aback and agreed to meet his birth siblings.  Meanwhile, co-host Davina McCall went to visit Jayne to share the news that her elder brother had been found, who was ecstatic, and after seeing an image, marvelled over Andrew's physical similarities to her mother.  She said at the time, 'Oh wow, I can see mum. Oh, I can't believe I'm actually seeing him! And I never had a big brother. Oh, how amazing.'

Jayne shares the news with her two brothers, Stephen and Jamie, who are also over the moon at the prospect of meeting Andrew.  At the end of the episode, in an emotional scene, the siblings finally had the reunion that Jayne had hoped for.  'As soon as I walked into the room, I just knew instantly that he was a part of me. He was part of our family.'

Jayne told her brother about her family's past, and they bonded over their similarities.  Andrew said, 'It's just incredible, the connection is there, and the instant warmth. Let's get on and fit in what we've missed in the past 30 years.'

He added, 'They couldn't have made me feel more welcome if they tried. It was fantastic.'

Jayne concluded, 'I feel like I've answered mum's request, so I know she'll be looking down, and she'll be so happy.'

18

Articles / My mum was raped by a grooming gangs predator when she was just a schoolgirl ...

« Last post by RDsmum on September 27, 2025, 06:55:44 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15129155/My-mum-raped-grooming-gangs-predator-just-schoolgirl-police-failed-again.html

My mum was raped by a grooming gangs predator when she was just a schoolgirl and police have failed us again

    Do YOU have a story? Email p.thirunimalan@dailymail.co.uk

By PIRIYANGA THIRUNIMALAN, SENIOR REPORTER

Published: 14:46, 27 September 2025 | Updated: 14:46, 27 September 2025

Jodie Sheeran was just 14 years old when she was raped by a member of a grooming gang.  She was plied with Malibu before being taken to a hotel room by a group of older men for an 'Eid party'.  When she regained consciousness hours later she was horrified to find she had been raped and abandoned at a hotel in Blurton, Staffordshire.  When her parents rushed to the police station to see her, she was 'delirious' and 'under the influence', and was covered in a 'sort of a curry powder' all over her body.  After Jodie called the police on that night in 2004, a man in his mid-20s was arrested and charged, but in a devastating blow to the family, the CPS dropped the case the day before it was to reach trial.  Nearly two decades later in 2022, Jodie tragically died having never found justice.  And now the family, including Jodie's son Jayden, 19, who was conceived as a result of that traumatic night, have been left feeling let down by authorities once again.  Jodie's parents Ange and David were led to believe for years that a piece of evidence gathered following the attack was not available anymore, only to now find out that it still exists, but had not been viewed by prosecutors in their investigation.  Jodie had given a police interview on the night of the rape, but it has emerged the footage was not watched by the CPS as it 'was not shared with' them and they were not aware of its existence.  They were instead only provided with detailed notes of the interview.  The reason the tape never reached the CPS remains unclear as Staffordshire Police have confirmed the recording, which the family say they were repeatedly told did not exist, was available when the case was reviewed in 2019 and in 2023 when the investigation was reopened.  The CPS have said they requested all available evidence from the police when conducting the review, but were not provided with it or informed of its existence.  It was only in August this year that the CPS were made aware of the availability of the footage.  Ange told Sky News this week: 'I don't know if I've been misled [or] it was an accident.  To suddenly say evidence has been there all along and I've got every single letter, every email to tell me they haven't got the evidence any more and then it's emerged Staffordshire Police did have the evidence after all it was shocking really.'

David accused the police and CPS of not knowing 'what one another were doing', adding that the made failure has made them 'so angry'.  Jayden, who has been campaigning for his mum's justice relentlessly, said it 'feels like they've gotten away with it', and that while he's 'grateful' the evidence has been found, he questioned what has been done about it.  After watching the tape last month, the CPS concluded that the interview notes taken down by an officer was an accurate copy of what was said in the interview, and that their view that there was not enough evidence to charge the suspect remains unchanged.  A Staffordshire Police spokesperson said the interview was 'available to the senior investigating officers in 2019 and 2023' and a 'comprehensive written record' was provided to the CPS on both occasions.  They explained: 'In August 2025, a copy of the recording was provided to the CPS who conducted due diligence to ensure the contemporaneous written record of Jodie's ABE (Achieving Best Evidence) interview, that they reviewed in 2019 and 2023, was an accurate account of the video recording. They have confirmed this is the case.'

The CPS said reviews carried out in 2019 and 2023 found there was not enough evidence to charge the suspect with rape, and that while all available records were requested during these reviews, Jodie's video interview was not shared with them.  They added: 'The way the CPS handles these cases has changed significantly over the last two decades, however we recognise this offers little comfort to Jodie’s family and we continue to offer them our deepest condolences for the loss they have endured.'

A police spokesperson assured: 'Today, and throughout the investigation and reviews, our thoughts have remained with Jodie’s family and friends. We do not underestimate what they have been through.  A significant amount of work has been undertaken reviewing this case several times over the last eight years.'

The force said the Professional Standards Department at Staffordshire Police investigated a complaint from Jodie’s mother about the handling of this case in 2024 but no police failings were identified in the 2004/05 handling of the case and the investigation was 'to the required standard'.

They confirmed case has been submitted for further evidential review, adding that if any new evidence were to surface, it would be referred to the CPS 'for their consideration'.  Earlier this year, the Daily Mail conducted a sit-down interview with Jayden and Ange in which they detailed their fight for justice, and the everyday difficulties Jayden has faced as a child of rape.  Any opportunity of having a 'normal' relationship with his mum was 'robbed' from him before he was even born, and he has had to grow up knowing that his 'father' is a rapist who roams free.  He told the Daily Mail: 'Just growing up I always felt a bit different to everyone else.  I never called her mum. I always called her by her name. I never ever called her mum or anything like that. Just because I didn't know anything else.'

Jayden is now fighting for more support to be awarded to children of rape who are now officially recognised as victims in their own right under the Victims Bill and is also in the process of suing authorities over their failures to protect both Jodie and him.  Following her death to alcohol ketoacidosis, Jodie's mum Ange requested the CPS to reopen the case into her daughter's rape, but claims she was told to 'let it go'.  About a week or so after the rape, Jodie had to go to a clinic for sexually transmitted diseases, which is where it was found she was pregnant.  Jodie decided to keep the baby, but was moved to a safe house after she was met with threats from groups of Asian men to drop the charges, leading to her giving birth miles from home under an alias and using secret passwords.  When Jayden was born, Jodie is said to have held him up, looked at him, and said 'take him away now, get him off me'.

From just a few months old, Jodie's parents Ange and Dave took shared parental responsibility of Jayden and took the lead role in bringing him up.  Describing how his complex relationship with his mum has affected him, he said: 'It's mental. I can't describe how it makes you feel.  She was lovely with me, she would do anything for me, but our relationship was more like brother and sister.  All mates would say 'oh my mums making tea, this and that' and all my mates when I was at school used to ask 'why don't you call your mum, mum,' and I didn't know, I just thought it was normal. I hadn't even questioned it.  And now, knowing how my mum felt when she gave birth to me, that's sent me even more west.   The way I've been feeling over the last couple years it's hard to describe.'

The family say the effects of grooming, paired with the CPS' 'failure' to prosecute her rapist, meant Jodie struggled throughout her life to overcome the ordeal.  She would fall in and out of alcoholism and would find herself in abusive relationships.  But she would never mention her rapist, bar one occasion.  Ange said: 'She mentioned him to me once.  As Jayden was getting older, she turned round and said 'do you think he looks like...' and she said his name.  She said 'do you think he looks like him?   That was the only time she mentioned him like that. It was heartbreaking.'

While Ange knew the name of her rapist, she never came face-to-face with him.  Jayden, however, has had encounters with him, and says he now constantly 'looks over his back' as he speaks out about his mother's rape publicly.  He said: 'While my mum was alive, he rang me on the phone.  I was trying to get in contact with him, this was before she passed away, and he was saying to me that if I went to live with him that he'd look after me but that I'd have to follow his rules, this and that.  And he was saying that he needed to see me and my mum.  But I didn't even tell my mum I was speaking to him at this point so I said no.  After that I didn't get back in contact with him or anything like that.  But when my mum passed away a couple of years later, I'd gotten hold of him again and he was like 'I don't know who you are'.   He was nasty, you could tell he was a nasty man.  He was trying to meet up with me, and I didn't know what he was going to do if he met up with me so that's why I tried to keep myself to myself and kept my head down.  And then a few weeks ago when I finished work I saw him in a takeaway but he didn't even recognise me.  He didn't recognise me at all.  I knew it was him straight away and I thought 'if I say the wrong thing now I don't know what could happen'. It was very intimidating.  I did say 'do you know who I am' as I was leaving, and he came back with a nasty comment.  He said something like 'do you know who I am little boy?'  I just walked away.'

While Jayden and the family feel let down at the fact Jodie's rapist is still able to roam the streets, he says this is a wider scale issue and there are 'more out there' like him.  He said: 'He is just one of them.  I can't stand him, I'll never understand why he's done what he's done.  But he's just one of them, he's one of a bad bunch, and there's more out there like him.'

Jayden now has a son of his own.  He said: 'My partner at the time was pregnant when my mum was still alive so my mum knew I was going to have a baby.  And then it was the February after the November she died that he was born, so obviously I was still broken at this time.  It ruined mine and my son's relationship.  It was really bad.  Now having my own son, I know I never got to have that relationship with my mum, I was robbed of it.  That's why I now take a step up with my son because I never had a dad, so I'll be there for my son as much as I can.'

The family have recently detailed Jodie's story in a new documentary produced by Rotherham grooming gang survivor Sammy Woodhouse.  They are campaigning for the grooming gang inquiry to be taken seriously as they say they believe the issue is rife across the UK.  Jayden said: 'I presume this has happened in every single town, every city in Great Britain.  100 per cent it will be.  I'm determined to do whatever it takes to get it sorted. I'll do whatever it takes.'

Speaking of her grandson's plight, Ange looked at Jayden as she said: 'It's heartbreaking because it's ruined him for life.  Ruined him for life.  I used to have a lot of dreams and things like that but they're all out the window for me now', Jayden added.

'Hopefully I can find a way through but as it stands I don't see a way out.'  I didn't even know it was grooming'

Ange remembers vividly how her daughter's personality changed before she was abused by the gang.  However,  she admits that more than 20 years ago she had never heard of the term 'grooming'.   I didn't even know it was grooming back then, I didn't even know it was grooming,' Ange said as she spoke in the conservatory of their home.  It was only when I watched the drama Three Girls and Jodie was sitting next to me that I said 'oh my god, that's a replica of you.'  And that's when I knew then that she'd been groomed.'

Detailing how the grooming began when Jodie was around 13, she said: 'You could see a change in her, in her personality, her behaviour.  She was going missing, not coming in at the right time, things like this.  In 2003, my other daughter, Chantelle, she contracted meningococcal septicemia, and it was terrible. So she was rushed to A&E in an ambulance, and by the time she got to the hospital she was covered, she was black and blue.  Anyway, my husband went, and I had to stay because I had a baby at the time. And the hospital rang and said can all the family get up here you need to say your goodbyes.  So obviously she had to be resuscitated, sedated, everything like that. This was when we were living at the hospital.  Jodie had been her behaviour had changed, going missing, prior to this. But we must have been living at the hospital for about two months and in that time, this is when she was vulnerable.  I put my hands up, I couldn't give her the attention she deserved. I did my best with all of them but it was so so hard not knowing if your daughter is going to live or die. She was eleven years old.  So this is when she'd go missing. She wouldn't come the hospital with us. She'd physically try to jump out of the car, the bedroom window.  It was terrible. Honestly the amount of times I would report her missing because I was told to report her missing every single time which I did.  And then she'd arrive back early hours of the morning and they'd either leave her on my front door or my back doorstep and she was just out of it, completely from drink or whatever it was.  The police each time they brought her back they said 'look if she keeps doing what she's doing, she's putting herself in danger, if she keeps doing what she's doing, she's going to end up dead or raped.'  They knew what was happening at the time because they were finding her in cars with older men. They were all older than her, she was 14.  Not once were they in trouble. It was always Jodie, making out like she was that naughty girl, that tearaway, that runaway.'

Recalling the night the rape happened, she said she had once again reported Jodie missing to the police.  It was around 2 or 3am that they then had a knock on the door from the police, informing them that they had Jodie and that she was asking for them.  Ange said of when she got to Longton Police Station and saw Jodie: 'I'd never seen anything like it.  She was under the influence. She was delirious, delirious.   The reports after they tested her blood, they said the amount of alcohol in her system, she wouldn't have known what planet she was on because of her body weight.  Then she kept saying 'they've stabbed me, they've injected me with something', she kept pointing to her leg.  She was covered in like all this curry thing. It was all over her. I was like 'what have they done to you'.

CCTV cameras at Tollgate Hotel, Blurton, is said to have shown a group of older men taking Jodie up the stairs to a hotel room that night.  But, Ange added: 'That wasn't the only hotel she'd been to.  Because many a time we'd drive if we were out going cricket grounds or something and she'd say 'oh I've stayed there mum, been there, been there'.  She kept saying when she'd go missing 'well I've got a boyfriend.'

The gangs would groom her with gifts including mobile phones and alcohol, and would get her to meet up in spaces like car washes.  It was the gifts. She'd have like mobile phones and I'd be like where've you got that from?  She was 13. These men were about 24, 25.'

A Crown Prosecution Service spokesperson said: 'Our thoughts remain with Jodie Sheeran's family after her tragic death.  In 2005, the case against the suspect in Jodie's case was discontinued because the legal test for a prosecution was no longer met, a decision that was independently reviewed in 2019 by a different prosecutor who reached the same conclusion.  Child sexual abuse and exploitation are appalling crimes and since 2005 we have made significant investment in how we prosecute these complex cases.  This includes the recruitment of dedicated victim liaison officers across the country to better support victims of rape and sexual offences, and the creation of a dedicated Organised Child Sexual Abuse Unit to tackle these awful crimes.'
 
'My daughter's death is being used as a political game'

Both Ange and Jayden told of how they've tried every avenue they could to find justice for Jodie but felt that 'not one person in authority cared'.  Instead, they felt Jodie's death was being used by politicians for their own motives.  Ange told MailOnline: 'It's like they try and make it into a political game.  Some politicians they even said to me, 'well you know you need to change your votes'.  They were all blaming Keir Starmer.  Well the Conservatives have been in power and they're all the same.  I wouldn't vote for any of them.  They're trying to turn my daughter's death into a political game.  Every party that's been in power, none of them have done anything.'

The pair also criticised people's attempts to make it 'about race'.  Jayden said: 'It doesn't matter about the race in my opinion.  Look at me, I'm an Asian male myself, I know plenty of Asian males who I get along with very well.  It's not about race at all. I really want to get the point of it's not about the race, it's going on everywhere.  There's dirty males out there who just want to abuse women because they know they've got that power over women.  People will look at our story and try and throw shade on immigrants. This is nothing to do with that.  It's all races, it's everywhere. It's not one particular race.  I think people need to understand it's going on everywhere, it's all different races, and it's disgusting.'

Ange added: 'We've got a lot of Muslim friends because we were brought up in the cricket world, and we've got so many Muslim friends and they've been messaging us, sending us messages saying 'we apologise, we can't believe our Muslim community have done such a thing.'  They shouldn't have to do that, should they?  I think it's just a little minority in each town, it's just a little minority. A minority of our people are horrible too.  People are jumping on the bandwagon going 'deport, deport'.  No.'

On their lack of faith in the authorities, they told of how they feel ignored, with no politicians, police or the CPS willing to take their daughter's case or the overall grooming gang seriously.  Jayden said: 'It just feels like your wasting your time.  You go around in circles.  We even travelled all the way to London just to get our point across. It felt like they listened to what we had to say for ten minutes then told us to bugger off.'

Ange echoed his views, saying: 'Our local MP hasn't even had the decency to respond.  We just get turned away because no-one wants to talk to you at all, they don't want to get their name involved in something like this.  Every time I've gone to anyone, nobody has wanted to help. There's only Sammy Woodhouse that helped me. That's because she's a lived-in experience.  I lost faith in the police, the CPS, social services. I've lost all my faith in everyone.   There is not one person in authority that cares. Not one.  It just makes you think what would they do if it was one of their children.  One of the police officers couldn't even get her [Jodie] name right when I went to the independent review.  I was in tears.  My MP just got up and walked out without even saying 'I'm just leaving the room'.  And their parting words basically were 'you've got to let this go, you're fighting a losing battle' sort of thing.'

The documentary on Tousi TV has now been made free for the public to watch on YouTube.  Jayden said: 'That's why we're grateful for the documentary coming out because it's not coming out from the government or anything.  They've not done this.  My nan has had to go out of her own way while she is going through all this to do it herself.  Which in my eyes are unbelievable.  You get all different politicians and nothing gets done.  Every year it gets worse.  I don't really have much to do with governance or politics. I just know the governments are all the same.  They're just trying to get that promotion.  We lost faith in the authorities a long time ago.'

19

Articles / My baby died at birth and I wasn't even allowed to hold him. Then, 42 years ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 05, 2025, 05:00:19 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-15066945/My-baby-died-birth-wasnt-allowed-hold-42-years-later-emailed-learned-horrific-truth.html#newcomment

My baby died at birth and I wasn't even allowed to hold him. Then, 42 years later, he emailed me out of the blue and I learned the horrific truth

By DIANE SHEEHAN

Published: 01:47, 5 September 2025 | Updated: 08:12, 5 September 2025

As I opened the email, I was transported back more than 40 years. Back to a stark hospital room and a cold stainless-steel trolley where I lay, naked, bleeding, terrified and alone.  Violent tremors shook my body as the trauma of that terrible day in September 1976 came flooding back. Shameful memories I’d been so careful to keep locked away were suddenly screaming for attention. I read the words on my phone again and again. This couldn’t be true, it just couldn’t.  A 42-year-old man called Simon had written to me out of the blue, to say he believed I could be his mother. He’d been adopted at birth and the dates and location certainly tallied; I had indeed had a baby that day, in secret, as a woefully naïve, unmarried 21-year-old.  But Simon couldn’t be my son, because my baby had died. The midwives had whisked it away, without even telling me if I’d had a boy or a girl, before returning to tell me, dispassionately, that the baby was dead.  There were no comforting words, no ‘sorry for your loss’. To everyone at the hospital, I was nothing short of a disgrace and my baby’s death just punishment for my terrible sin.  And so, for four decades, I’d not spoken a word about it: not to my family or friends not even to my husband and two children. I swallowed my grief and shame, but it never left me.  But could this stranger be telling the truth?

Had my baby survived?

With trembling fingers, I opened the photos Simon had included with his message.  There I saw one of his daughter: a small, smiling girl, with my exact dark blonde curls and hazel eyes. It honestly felt like I was looking at a picture of myself as a child.  In that moment, my whole world turned upside down. Forty-two years after leaving hospital with nothing but a broken heart and buried trauma, I was finally on my way to learning the shocking truth.  Like thousands of unmarried mothers across the world, I’d been a victim of a heinous scandal. Such was the shame of having a baby out of wedlock back then, that up until the late 1970s thousands of children were adopted against their mother’s wishes.  In my case, the authorities went one step further by lying to me that my baby had died, so I didn’t even get a chance to object.  Of course, no statistics exist citing how many poor young girls were victims of this particularly cruel crime. If, like me, they’d kept their pregnancy secret, possibly hundreds went to their graves never knowing their child had lived.  Although I count myself as one of the lucky ones as I eventually discovered the truth, at the age of 63, my fury was intense.  It was more than anger; it was a sense of total disempowerment. These strangers had taken control of my life, because they thought that they knew better, and treated me like rubbish to be swept away and forgotten.  I was born in 1955 to a strict Catholic family, the eldest of five children, and raised in Wellington, New Zealand.  We went to a religious school and church three times a week. Our ‘sex education’ if you can call it that consisted of quite frankly ridiculous ‘advice’ such as never to sit on a bus seat after a boy, as you could get pregnant.  When I left home at 19 to work in a pub in Sydney, Australia, mum had slipped me a booklet about anatomy under the bathroom door, but even then I had only the sketchiest ideas about biology and how babies were made.  From Sydney, I got an au pair job in Canada, where I lived an ideal life, riding horses on the family’s land. And it was here, aged 20, that I fell in love with Jason, a handsome man ten years my senior, who lived on a nearby farm.  Of course, when we began having sex, we didn’t use contraception. Utterly naïve, and hopelessly in love, it just didn’t occur to me.  When Jason got a job in California I went to visit him for a weekend but missed my flight home. When I returned, my employer was furious and sacked me on the spot. No job meant no visa, so I had to return to New Zealand.  I was devastated. By then Jason was travelling and, while I considered writing to his old farm in the hope they might be able to pass on a message, since they didn’t know about our relationship, I eventually decided not to.  A month later I got another job in Sydney, at a horse farm run by a Catholic doctor, Mark, and his wife, Alice. When I started feeling nauseous, I initially put it down to heartbreak. Yet I’d seen enough on the farm to understand what my swelling stomach signalled.  Denial and guilt are a powerful combination, however, so I hid in baggy dungarees and worked from sunrise to sunset, deliberately leaving myself too exhausted to think about the future.  My feelings of shame were so intense I didn’t consider telling anyone not my family, or even Jason. But there was only so long I could maintain my state of denial.  One night in September 1976, when I was 21, my contractions started. By morning, the pain was so intense, I staggered to the main house begging for help, saying I had dreadful stomach-ache.  Alice drove me to the local doctor. I heard him say, ‘oh my God’ as he removed my overalls, and I saw the shock and anger on Alice’s face when the truth hit her.

She refused to even go with me to the hospital.  The same attitude greeted me on the labour ward, where one glance at my ringless left hand told the medical staff everything they needed to know.  I’ve managed to block out most of the details of the birth: the agony, the terror and the strange silence that descended as my baby was bundled up and spirited away in a stranger’s arms.  I never heard him cry. I never even saw his face. I was left naked, bleeding, freezing and sobbing on the hospital trolley.  What happened next is still a horrible blur; I can’t remember the specific words used, but I know a woman returned to tell me my baby hadn’t survived.  At that moment, I shut down, without the strength to ask any questions, telling myself I deserved this.  The next thing I remember, some paperwork was thrust into my hand, and a cold voice told me I couldn’t leave until I’d signed the discharge papers. Like a robot I did what I was told.  I was in turmoil, and without anyone to comfort me. Nobody knew about my pregnancy except Alice and Mark, and their house was the only place I had to go.  I can’t recall how I got there, I just remember walking into the house and no one uttered a word. They didn’t ask about the baby, or what had happened nothing.  It was such a dark time. But how could I grieve a child I’d tried so hard to pretend I’d never carried?

I did the only thing I could think of; I put it all Jason, the pregnancy, the baby in a mental box and slammed it shut.  Later that year, when a visiting vet offered me a job elsewhere in Sydney, I left Alice and Mark’s house without saying goodbye.  A new Diane had replaced the naïve, trusting girl who’d first left home at 19 a young woman hardened to the world and determined never to be made to feel so powerless again.  I ploughed all my energy into work, going on to study veterinary science at university and qualifying as a vet.  In 1983, I met Ian, another student. He was my first sexual partner since Jason but, having now abandoned my faith, our relationship felt fun and exciting free from the guilt I’d previously felt.  We went on to marry in 1987, yet I never came close to sharing my terrible secret with him; while he might have been supportive, I didn’t want to risk ruining my fresh start by opening Pandora’s box.  In 1991, our daughter Sarah was born. The pregnancy was a world away from my first one; now, everyone was so happy for me, and I felt loved and respected.  As for the birth itself, it was night and day compared with my previous labour.  And yet, after Sarah was taken to be weighed and measured, I didn’t automatically hold out my arms to get her back. I was frozen. The nurse had to gently ask, ‘Do you want to hold your baby?’

When I did, the wave of love I felt was incredible. Cradling my beautiful daughter in my arms, it hit me: this one I get to keep.  I promised her I wouldn’t let a day go by without me telling her how much I loved her.  I adored motherhood, and at times watching Sarah I’d find myself thinking ‘What if ....?’

Yet I’d quickly push those thoughts away.  When our son Daniel was born two years later, I felt the same fierce love of a woman who knows what it’s like to not bring a baby home. Somehow, 25 years passed. The children grew into happy, healthy adults and, although my marriage didn’t last, I was living a good life, filled with love.  Then one evening in December 2018, I’d been out for dinner with Daniel and on my return noticed an email on my phone from an unknown address.  It was long, and at first only certain phrases jumped out at me. That Simon, the writer, had been adopted at birth, from the same hospital I’d attended, and had recently taken a DNA test, which had led him, via a long, convoluted path, to me.  He’d found a picture of me online and had immediately recognised a similarity to his own daughter, then three.  While some people might have thought it was a mistake, or a scam, when I saw the picture of Simon himself, I was left in no doubt. He was the image of Jason. I knew, just knew, that this 42-year-old man was my first-born child, and that the hospital authorities had lied to me.  Those ‘discharge’ papers at the hospital?

They must have been adoption papers. The cruelty took my breath away.  I had no idea where to turn to or what to do.  Frantically googling for answers, I found The Benevolent Society, which supports people affected by adoption.  The very next day, I found myself sitting in their office with a counsellor.  For the first time in 42 years, I talked about my past. Everything I’d bottled up for decades, all the pain, fear, guilt and shame, came pouring out as well as my new-found anger.  The counsellor told me there had been thousands of forced adoptions in Australia in the past and, shockingly, telling unmarried mothers their babies had died wasn’t uncommon.  With her help I was able to sit down and write a reply to Simon a few days later.  ‘There’s no easy way to say this,’ I wrote. ‘But when you were born, I was told you’d died.’

I tried to explain the impact that losing him had on my life, and told him about Sarah and Daniel, his half-sister and brother.  Without my counsellor I’d never have made it through; my emotions were in free-fall. I was grappling with exhaustion and guilt at hiding this bombshell from Sarah and Daniel, as well as the awful fear that when they did discover it, they’d judge me.  I knew I’d have to tell them at some point, but I needed to meet Simon first, to get my facts straight.  In follow-up emails, Simon explained he’d been adopted at birth by a lovely couple who adored him. Though he always knew he was adopted, he’d had a wonderful childhood.  After becoming a father himself he decided he wanted to find his birth parents, and he’d registered his DNA on an ancestry website, which led him to Jason’s family in Canada.  Jason had recently died, but a relative remembered him mentioning his old girlfriend Diane in Australia, and he’d managed to trace me. When he did, he realised his ancestry results had linked him to some of my relatives too.  Of course, Simon was devastated to learn about the terrible circumstances of his birth. Like me, the sheer cruelty of it astounded him.  His adoptive parents had been kept in the dark too; they’d been told I had chosen to give Simon up but wanted him to be raised by a Catholic family, and for years they’d even sent me letters and photos showing his progress to an address they’d been given. Who knows where they ended up.  The next month I flew two hours from my home in Brisbane to meet Simon.  I was almost hyperventilating with fear. Would blood be enough to bring us together, or would Simon decide he didn’t want me in his life after all?

And what would all this mean for Sarah and Daniel?

Then suddenly I was walking through arrivals and saw him, holding a bunch of white flowers. All my fears flew away, and I fell sobbing into his arms the first time I’d ever held him. He didn’t feel like a stranger at all.  Our conversation about his family and mine was warm and easy.  I couldn’t stop staring at him, unable to believe I could reach across the table and touch him. It felt impossible, yet wonderful.  It was hard to say goodbye the next day, but there was one huge hurdle I needed to clear: I had to tell Sarah and Daniel my secret.  Two days later, I invited them over for a dinner, shaking with nerves as we sat down.  Hearing my shocking story, they were incredible; hurt and horrified for me, yet excited to meet their new half-brother.  My relief was indescribable; I fell asleep with a smile on my face for the first time in decades. It was only after it lifted that I realised the true weight of what I’d been carrying all these years.  A few weeks later, we were all sitting in a busy restaurant in Brisbane, sharing food and laughing. Looking around at my three children was overwhelming, and I felt a sense of peace that had once seemed impossible.  There were still more emotional moments to come, like telling my siblings and seeing their shock and sadness, though they were all supportive. My parents had died years before.  In 2019, a year after Simon’s email, I met his adoptive parents. Though what happened at his birth is so sad, I’m glad he found such a loving family.  I investigated pursuing the matter with the hospital where I’d given birth, but was told the buildings had been demolished and the records destroyed.  I decided not to pour my energy into a fight I probably wouldn’t win, and I refused to let bitterness consume me. Instead, I chose peace, to live for now and spend the time I do have with my incredible family.  It isn’t always easy. The anguish of those lost years, and the love I could have given Simon, is a wound that will never heal.  Still, our relationship is wonderful, comfortable and peaceful. We see each other every month and talk or text three times a week.  I’m so proud of the kind, caring person, and amazing father, he is and the incredible bond we have built against all odds.

*  Names have been changed

*  As told to Kate Graham

20

Articles / The family secret that Minneapolis shooter's mother kept hidden for two decades

« Last post by RDsmum on August 30, 2025, 11:09:25 AM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15048347/minneapolis-shooter-robin-westman-adopted-daughter.html

The family secret that Minneapolis shooter's mother kept hidden for two decades

    READ MORE: What really happened to Minneapolis shooter's 'missing' mom

By DANA KENNEDY IN MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA

Published: 00:32, 30 August 2025 | Updated: 06:53, 30 August 2025

The mother of Minneapolis shooter Robin Westman appeared in a movie about her reunion with a daughter she put up for adoption as a child, the Daily Mail can reveal.  Years after giving up her baby, Mary Grace Westman, now 67, went on to became a devout Catholic and anti-abortion activist who once held a crucifix in protest outside a Planned Parenthood clinic.  Mary Grace has so far refused to cooperate with police seeking information about her son.  She flew to Minnesota on Wednesday afternoon, within hours of the shocking attack at the Church of the Annunciation Catholic School that left two children dead and 18 injured.  Faryl Amadeus, 44, a Los Angeles-based filmmaker, wrote and directed the film 'Mary Meet Grace' in 2021, a fictional retelling of her real-life reunion with her biological mother, Mary Grace.  In interviews, Amadeus - who grew up in Brooklyn, New York, with her adoptive family and was then known as Rachel Millet has since formed a close bond with Mary Grace.  Amadeus, who did not return calls or emails from the Daily Mail, writes on her website that she was adopted and 'shipped from Kentucky, like a box of whiskey' to New York.  'I was in foster care for a month before I was adopted, and that family sent me a card every birthday,' Amadeus said in 2021.

'It meant so much to me to know I wasn't just, like, in a basket somewhere.'

Amadeus was adopted by the Millet family in Brooklyn. The woman believed to be her adoptive mother, Jamie Millet, was not reachable by the Daily Mail on Friday.  Amadeus told the Nerd Daily in 2021 that her film was 'inspired by that intense yearning an adoptee can feel for who they are and where they come from'.  'My birth mother, who appears in the film, found me in 2005 and we later reunited with my bio dad in 2012. The emotional mystery of adoption could fuel countless stories,' she added.

'I love being adopted. It's strange and sad and wonderful.'

Amadeus writes about her birth mother contacting her in 2005 and eventually travelling to Minnesota to meet her 'five half-siblings', who include Robin Westman.  On social media, Amadeus has posted photos of Mary Grace and her half-siblings, including transgender Robin, born Robert Westman.  Mary Grace did not return messages from the Daily Mail on Friday, nor did Ryan Garry, the criminal defense attorney she hired this week in Minneapolis.  FBI agents descended on Mary Grace's first floor condo in Naples, Florida, on Wednesday after she reportedly refused to cooperate with authorities investigating the mass shooting.  But she had already flown to Minnesota, in such a hurry that she called a friend to tell her she feared she had left the patio door open. Police were dispatched to check on the home's security.  Robin Westman graduated from Annunciation Catholic School in 2017. Mary Grace used to work at the school's church but retired five years ago, social media posts show.  Amadeus's last name is courtesy of her husband of many years, Nick Amadeus, also a native New Yorker who is a writer and composer. Among other projects, he co-wrote the screenplay for the 2021 film Separation, co-starring Meryl Streep's daughter Mamie Gummer.  He is the son of actor and writer John Scoullar and actress Linda Robbins, who appeared in the original Broadway production of Amadeus, which her son chose as a stage name.  The couple have two daughters and currently live in LA, according to information online. Faryl received a BFA from NYU's Tisch School of the Arts.  Mary Grace's brother, Robert Heleringer, a longtime Louisville member of the Kentucky House of Representatives. He told the AP this week that he was Robin Westman's uncle but hardly knew his nephew.  He hung up on a Daily Mail reporter on Friday.