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Articles / Parents' 'laughter and tears' at adopting siblings

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 14, 2026, 05:03:28 PM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/crexlx52nxvo

Parents' 'laughter and tears' at adopting siblings

Emma Glasbey
Home and social affairs correspondent, Yorkshire
Published 13 November 2025

A couple who adopted two children earlier this year have urged others to consider adoption too, amid concerns over the falling number of people coming forward to do so.

The Adoption Matters charity said it believed the cost of living may have contributed to a 12% drop in adoption registrations in England in 2025 compared to 2024.

Emma and Mike, from North Yorkshire, adopted their children - a brother and sister - in January after they had previously been in foster care for two and a half years.  Emma said: "There's so much loveliness in them being together and knowing they will always have each other - and we've just got the joy of being able to join in with that dynamic."

"It feels slightly heartbreaking that they had waited so long to find that forever family," Emma said.

"Adoption is intimidating. It can be overwhelming but so is parenting generally."

Emma and Mike said they were passionate about sharing the message that adoption was not a secondary option.  "We don't want people to think that because we're an adoptive family it must be because it's biologically not possible," Emma explained.

"That was a factor, but actually, for us, that felt like it was confirming that adopting siblings is how our family is meant to be."

The couple said they had been shown videos of the children before meeting them at an "adoption activity day" where prospective parents were introduced to children.  We hadn't spotted them yet, but Emma heard our son's giggle from across the room and it was really special getting to spend time with them," explained Mike.

"Emma turned to me and said, 'they have my heart', and it was just that moment where we thought, 'we're all in now, this is it'."

Emma and Mike said they wanted to share their story in the hope it would encourage more prospective parents to find out about adoption.  "The graph is going the wrong way," said Emma.

"The number of children needing a safe and forever family is increasing, while the number of people even willing to consider adoption is decreasing."

The most recent figures showed that in the Yorkshire and Humber region there were 390 children waiting for an adoptive family.  Jacqui Shore, from Adoption Matters, told the BBC that more families were "desperately needed".  "Traditionally in adoption we've seen peaks and troughs, but I don't think we've ever seen the cost of living quite as it is at the moment," she said.

"Local authorities are struggling for money, so in the past some older children or sibling groups might have attracted an adoption allowance from the local authority, but that's not always there anymore."

Emma and Mike said their experience of adoption had been very positive, with Emma saying they had not looked back since adopting their children 10 months ago.  "It's been absolutely wild, we've done so much learning," Emma said.

"We had a trickier start than was expected, but actually we've just really cemented ourselves as that safe place and that we're a forever family we're not going anywhere.  There's just been a whole lot of laughter. Lots of tears, too, but that's what makes us feel like a regular family."

12

Articles / 29 Things I Wish I Knew Before Adoption Entered my Life

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 05, 2026, 05:35:27 PM »

https://celiacenter.org/tag/birth-mother-stories/

29 Things I Wish I Knew Before Adoption Entered my Life

by Celia Center Voices | Sep 25, 2023 | Blog, Featured

Written by First Mother, Claudia Corrigan D’Arcy on SEPTEMBER 18, 2009. Claudia has been online and involved in the adoption community since early in 2001. She originally began independently researching adoption issues in preparation of the successful search and reunion with her own son, Max, whom was placed for adoption in 1987.

This Grown in My Heart Adoption Carnival Topic was supposed to be “10 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Was Touched By Adoption”, but I can’t use the feel good wording of “touched”.  I was not touched by adoption, it’s more like torched, trampled, traumatized, terrorized, tortured, and torn apart by adoption.  Overall, I feel like I allowed the destructive force of adoption into my life.  Adoption was almost more like a crack that happened in my soul. A crack that I thought and was encouraged to believe would be temporary or always below the surface. Over time, the rest of life worked its way in, like water in cement, and caused the  So that gives me number one on my list; the rest is really really easy and I can, also quite easily go on and on, but this carnival only called for the ten things we wish we could have known.. I think I just have to go over it.

1.  I wish I knew that relinquishing my child to adoption was not a one-time event that I would recover from by the most major life-altering “decision” that would alter the very course of my existence for the rest of my life.

2.  I wish I knew that adoption would not be a decision made entirely by me and affect only me, but would have life-altering implications across the entire berth of my family. I thought nothing of how it would affect my mother, my brother, and of course my children, both the one that I relinquished and the children I had later on.
   
3.  I wish I had known what I really was giving up when I relinquished my Max. I understood the concept of a baby, but I had no clue what it really meant to be a mother. I could decide to give up something that I never had to begin with or something that I never let myself have a chance to really experience.
   
4.  I wish I had known that public assistance, social services, paternity, child support, and all manners of help in general was nothing to be ashamed of, to be afraid of asking for or receiving or something that made me less of a person. I still think about my adoption counselor explaining to me rather briefly how I “could” keep my baby and go on welfare and how very horrified I was of that thought and I never even attempted to consider it.
 
5.  I wish I had known how it would feel to know for the rest of my life that I had assisted in denying a man the right to have a relationship with his only child. Had I thought through the ethical complications and moral obligation to the truth and this man’s rights, then I would not have to live with the knowledge of how I horribly and inexcusable wronged another human being.
 
6.  I wish I had known that I was strong and capable and worthy of being the mother that I was meant to be. The normal self-doubts of a young person basically untried by life were not bolstered in the face of adversity, but rather exasperated and exploited.

7.  I wish I had known that it was not my job, nor obligation to make another couple’s “dreams of a family” come true. I wish I had known that I should not have taken pride nor comfort or some sick sense of self-satisfaction by allowing other people’s needs to go before my own, not that I have an issue about giving of one’s self. I donate my knowledge, I give my time, I volunteer; but a child is not giving of oneself, an adoption is giving of another.. a child. I had no right to do that.

8.  I wish I had known that my son’s parents would not be quite as grateful and thankful to me as I had expected, hoped or been lead to believe. I wish I was not quite as disappointed that they just won’t speak to me and I have the distinct feeling that they really would just like me to go back away. I wish that didn’t hurt.

9.  I wish I had known that children really aren’t interchangeable. Just because one party wants something and another party isn’t so sure, doesn’t mean that we can switch things about and pretend we are God and it will work out OK.

10.  I wish I had known that my son had basic rights to his family, his truth, his heritage, his father, his siblings, and me; more than I ever gave us credit for. To think that I could have thought so little of myself, my family, and all the individual traits and histories that make us unique and THAT could have been replaced with a one-paragraph bio and a few pictures is so insulting to every ancestor that breathed before me.

11.  I wish I had known that you cannot re-write life as it comes to you. That we can’t cheat it and pretend that things happened differently than we would have liked. And sometimes, most times, given time time what seemed to be a disaster is actually part of making things work out exactly as they should, but we just don’t know it yet. I wish I had learned to just accept things as they come and live the hand that was dealt to me even if it meant being a mother at 19 because I was a mother at 19!
   
12.  I wish I had known that it was possible to love most fiercely and deeply someone that you haven’t ever really met. I wish I had known that I would know my son before I got to meet him again. That I would know his face and it would be so familiar to me. I would know his smell and I would need it to breathe. That I would know and understand how he felt, thought, and would react just because I knew way before I ever knew.

13.  I wish I had known how much it would suck to hear my other kids say things like” I forget what Max looks like”, or “I don’t feel like I have another brother,” or “If we got real poor would you have to give us away, too?”

14.  I wish I had known that adoption, which was supposed to preserve my teenage way of life, turned out to be something that completely changed my entire life and here I am, over 20 years later and adoption is still a major factor in my daily existence, my thoughts, my dreams and, even worse, is also a factor in my whole family’s lives as well.

15.  I wish I had known that genetics really play a huge portion of who we are and that things like our mutual love of pirates, combat boots, Mohawksand died hair, alternative music, god in the woods, being buried in plain pine boxes, Dr. Pepper, Boston cream donuts, thunderstorms, reading, and writing with these dern dots was all part of who he was before he was born. I wish I knew that my genes had carried more than the color of his skin and the familiar look of our feet and it was something that irreplaceable.

16.  I wish I had known that not every adoptee thinks that being placed for adoption was the best thing since sliced bread, are not grateful, are not happier to have a bigger house, and sometimes, can be quite adversely affected by the whole experience. It was really hard to accept that the thing that I thought was “best” could have actually been much worse.

17.  I wish I had known that there is no real “ready” to become a mother and that the mythology of motherhood as our society has crafted is a vicious losing situation. I wish I had known how easy it is for us to turn on each other and judge our fellow sisters because we are all so concerned about getting it wrong and not being the best supermom on the block.

18.  I wish I had known that it was going to be crazy hard this way, being a birthmother, and that all the pain and sacrifices and sleeplessness would be coming to me anyway, but without the joys and pleasures of being with my child. I wish I had known that I would have wanted to make it work, that it would have been worth it to give up the fun.

19.  I wish I had known that Fear is never a good basis for making a decision.

20.  I wish I had known that the “scandal” was all in my head and that within six months no one would have cared much less remembered. I wish I had realized that my family would not have thought that I was a piece of poop for ver but would have loved and adored my baby as I would have.

21.  I wish I had known that having a baby at 19 would not have “ruined my life”, that being a mother at 19 would not have “ruined my life” and that adoption, well it pretty much ruined my life .. or at least got closer to ruining my life s anything else ever did.

22.  I wish I had known that school could have been put off a few years, but my motherhood was happening now.

23.  I wish I had known that I was being exploited and enabled and I walked right into it.

24.  I wish I had known that adoption was not glamorous or romantic, but that life being a birthmother pretty much sucks.

25.  I wish I had known that the adoption agency really didn’t have my best interest at heart and they weren’t my best friends and I shouldn’t have worried about making them proud by being the “best darn birthmother” and following all the rules.

26.  I wish I had known that putting everyone else’s wants and needs before mine for almost 20 years did not make me better, nor stronger, nor noble, nor brave and didn’t get me a key to heaven.

27.  I wish I had known that a piece of paper would not make me an un-mother.

28.  I wish I had known how much it would really really hurt and how, really, even after reunion, there is no normal and it is never over.

29.  And then one final wish that I still have now; of all the things in my life and all the mistakes and bad decisions I have made, with all the missteps and situations that came to me, whether by my own hand or been done by wrong by someone else; I wish there was a way to change the past and make just this one thing all go away.

I wish I had never let adoption into my life.

13

Articles / Hundreds tell BBC of adopted children's struggles amid calls for lifelong ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 03, 2026, 05:53:23 PM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cjrj0vxnxqjo

Hundreds tell BBC of adopted children's struggles amid calls for lifelong support

Claire Kendall and Judith Moritz, special correspondent

Published 12 December 2025

Hundreds of parents have contacted the BBC about their struggles with getting support for adopted children - as charities call for a government review.  The response came after we reported last month that more than 1,000 adopted children had been returned to care over five years. Dozens of adoptive parents told us they had been blamed for the difficulties of often traumatised young people.  Mina, who contacted BBC Your Voice about her son who died last year from alcoholism, said: "You're just a lone person battling, trying to battle the system."

The charity Adoption UK said it had raised the issue with England's children's minister this week, calling for permanent funding for therapy and a wider review of the support available.  Mina was one of 700 people who contacted the BBC in response to the story, many of whom said they were adoptive parents who had struggled to get help for their children or had been blamed for their emotional and behavioural difficulties.  She and her husband adopted their son Leighton at the age of three, after he was removed from his birth mother when he was 18 months old. He struggled all his life with his mental health and addiction, she says.  "He turned all this pain inside, like I'm not worthy, I'm not lovable," says Mina.

She believes his distress over his adoption led to his heavy drinking and death from liver failure at the age of 26. "He couldn't understand why."

Even as a four-year-old, Leighton would have periods of "deep depression" but his parents' concerns were brushed off by social workers, Mina says. When he was older, she adds, he would self-harm and began taking drugs and abusing alcohol.  She says social workers blamed her and her husband for Leighton's struggles, insisting "it must be something happening at home".

"There's a perception that once a child's adopted, they'll live happily ever after, and there is no platform to complain or to even have your voice," Mina says.

The local authority which placed Leighton for adoption did not respond to a request for comment.  Children's charity Coram one of several organisations to call for greater support for adoptive families or to raise concerns about the blaming of parents in response to our story says the adoption system is "under exceptional strain".

"It's shocking to discover again that adoptive parents, are experiencing blame as the first response when they seek help. That should never be the case," said CEO Dr Carol Homden.

She says "adoption remains an extremely important part of our care system and highly successful for the majority of children" but when children have been removed from their birth families for their own protection, "we need to recognise that they will need potential support for life and ensure that our services are there in a timely and sufficient way".

Coram also runs the largest body representing children's social workers, CoramBAAF, which has joined the call for a review of adoption support, saying: "We must get this right for the children at the heart of this."

James not his real name told us he was reassured to learn he was not the only parent to have gone through something like this and now feels he "owes it to our adopted son" to speak out himself.

He says he adopted a child who had severe foetal alcohol spectrum disorder (FASD) - a condition caused by drinking in pregnancy that can lead to physical and mental problems.  As he grew older, James says, his adopted son's behaviour was sometimes violent because of his condition.

'Heavily blamed'

One social worker suggested they should live in separate homes, says James, with one parent living with their adopted son and their other children staying with the other parent in the family home. A social worker also admitted, he adds, that social services staff had not been trained to deal with FASD.  "We took on a child knowing there'd be issues. We didn't expect everything to go perfectly because it doesn't. But when you ask for help, they need to help," he says.

Eventually, he felt his adopted son was no longer safe to live with the other children James told us and he arranged for him to be accommodated in care again.  James says they struggled to remain in contact with him.  "It was almost like, me and my children, that we weren't to exist anymore because we'd been heavily blamed," James says. "We were literally removed from from his life. They were more bothered on him seeing family pets than step-siblings."

His local authority said it could not comment on individual cases, but pointed to research which it says shows that outcomes for adopted children are "overwhelmingly successful".  The government says adoptive parents do "an incredible job providing a loving and supportive home" to vulnerable children, and while those arrangements do sometimes break down, support is in place to keep them together where possible.  We also heard from some parents who did receive good support and who say it made a huge difference.  Emma and her husband Geoff says they adopted their daughter, who needed extensive help, when she was nearly six. The local authority had an established relationship with a family therapy provider which specialises in adoption, Family Futures.  "They understood that adoption and therapy need to go together," she says. "When we asked for some help they were very keen to give it. They realised if they don't do it now, things get worse, children go back to care and it all falls apart."

Adopted children who have been moved first into foster care, and then into an adoptive family, struggle to feel safe, says Emma, and the family therapy was aimed at addressing that.  "If you imagine being a small child and being put from pillar to post with different people and then you arrive virtually into a stranger's house, you are going to be very scared," she adds.

Geoff said it took about 10 years of seeing a therapist, on and off, before their daughter trusted them.  Without that support, he says he can't see how she would have been able to achieve as much as she has now that she is 21, having moved into supported living accommodation and still keeping in touch with her parents.  "We used to think that we couldn't imagine how she could ever leave home," says Geoff. "Now she's able to live away from us. She's got a place where she feels she belongs."

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Articles / Inquiry (Mother and Baby Institutions, Magdalene Laundries and Workhouses) ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 28, 2026, 06:56:46 PM »

https://www.assemblyresearchmatters.org/2025/11/24/inquiry-mother-and-baby-institutions-magdalene-laundries-and-workhouses-and-redress-scheme-bill-a-brief-overview/?fbclid=IwY2xjawPm2zZleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZBAyMjIwMzkxNzg4MjAwODkyAAEepOClfiBYMmulGT9e6LKabNmy93MkvEnfHR5R_ybT1Sey5k4jv0eEuV-BBvM_aem_momuJNYfswSI7WpBy8iD0Q

Inquiry (Mother and Baby Institutions, Magdalene Laundries and Workhouses) and Redress Scheme Bill: A brief overview

November 24, 2025

Author icon Thomas Lough

The Inquiry (Mother and Baby Institutions, Magdalene Laundries and Workhouses) and Redress Scheme Bill ('the Bill') is currently being considered by the Assembly. This blog article provides a brief outline of some of the main provisions contained in the Bill and what the next steps are in the process.

For more information on the contents of the Bill, you may wish to read the dedicated RaISe Bill Paper, as well as a separate RaISe paper on the Review of the Bill Costs. The Bill itself (as introduced) and the Explanatory and Financial Memorandum (EFM), are both published on the Assembly website.
What would the Bill do?

The Bill was introduced by The Executive Office (TEO) on 16 June 2025. The Bill implements key recommendations of the Truth Recovery Design Panel (TRDP) and subsequent Truth Recovery Programme by establishing:

    a statutory Public Inquiry into the operation of Mother and Baby Institutions, Magdalene Laundries and Workhouses in Northern Ireland between 1922 and 1995; and
    a statutory Redress Scheme to provide financial redress to victims and survivors and their families.

The Bill responds to concerns and evidence presented regarding the treatment within these institutions, including allegations of unlawful deaths, forced labour, arbitrary detention, family separation, and other human rights violations. It also follows ongoing campaigning by victims and survivors and aligns with developments in neighbouring jurisdictions where inquiries and redress schemes have already been established: for example, the Republic of Ireland's Commission of Investigation into Mother and Baby Homes and the subsequent Mother and Baby Institutions Payment Scheme.

Further information in relation to State responses to historical abuse can be found in related RaISe papers:

A statutory Public Inquiry

Part 1 of the Bill allows for the establishment of a Truth Recovery Public Inquiry ('the Inquiry'). This Inquiry would identify systemic failings of certain institutions and public bodies between 1922 and 1995, including their treatment of "relevant persons" (see definition below). The Inquiry would not examine matters already examined by the Historical Institutional Abuse (HIA) Inquiry. While the Inquiry could consider ongoing effects on individuals after 1995, such as ongoing trauma and psychological impacts, it cannot extend the timeframe itself. The exact Terms of Reference for the Inquiry are not contained in the legislation and would instead be prepared by TEO.
What will the Inquiry examine?

The Inquiry would examine 'prescribed institutions'. Clause 3 of the Bill explains that these are:

    institutions known as 'mother and baby institutions';
    institutions known as 'Magdalene Laundries';
    workhouses (within the meaning of the Poor Relief Acts (Northern Ireland) 1838 to 1937), and;
    other institutions (irrespective of whether such institutions are public bodies or not, and whether the activities of such institutions are carried on for, or not for, profit).

These 'other' institutions may be identified in the process of the Inquiry. In order for them to be examined by the Inquiry, they must be provided for in regulations made by TEO. These must be approved by the Assembly before an institution becomes 'prescribed'.

The Bill also provides a definition of 'relevant persons'. In relation to a prescribed mother and baby institution or Magdalene Laundry these are any person admitted to the institution and any person born while their mother was under the care of the institution either at the time or immediately before their birth.

In relation to prescribed workhouses, 'relevant persons' are defined as a pregnant woman or pregnant girl admitted to the workhouse; a woman or girl who had given birth while she was under the care of the workhouse;  and a person born while their mother was under the care of the workhouse either at the time or immediately before their birth.

If 'other institutions' are added by TEO through regulations, 'relevant persons' in relation to that institution can also be added through regulations. Again, these would require the approval of the Assembly.

The EFM makes clear that in this context, the term 'under the care of' is used as a broad term only and encompasses all types of care without a value judgement on the quality of the 'care' given. The Inquiry will investigate the standard of the care that was provided to those relevant persons.
Who will be on the Inquiry panel?

The Inquiry is designed to be inquisitorial rather than adversarial, with no cross examination. It is more of a fact-finding exercise rather than a court case. The Inquiry panel would be appointed by the First Minister and deputy First Minister and must consist of at least one person (the Chair). The Bill otherwise does not legislate for a specific number of Inquiry panel members.

As well as the Inquiry panel, the Bill (at clause 10) allows for an advisory panel that can include victims and survivors, their relatives and those providing support to victims and survivors. Under the Bill, as introduced, this advisory panel would not be mandatory and would be at the discretion of the Inquiry Chair who may appoint such a panel.

The Bill also provides for a number of other areas in relation to the Inquiry. These include powers to require the production of evidence and the payment of expenses to witnesses and others. For further detail on these, please see the RaISe Bill Paper.
A statutory Redress Scheme

Part 2 of the Bill relates to the payment of redress. It is important to note that redress can come in a number of forms, for example: state or institutional apologies (be they private or public), financial payment or memorialisation and these will all have differing levels of importance for individual victims and survivors. TEO have made clear that financial redress in this respect will consist of two parts: a Standardised Payment (SP) and Individually Assessed Payment (IAP). The Bill, as introduced, only makes provision for the SP. The SP is residency-based and set at a standard payment amount. IAP would be harm-based where the payments would relate to the harm caused to each specific individual. TEO have confirmed that it intends to bring forward legislation to introduce this following the Public Inquiry.

The Bill would allow the SP Scheme to accept applications for three years with a potential extension of a further two years. Each application under the Scheme will be decided either by a judicial member of the Redress Service or by a panel. This panel must include at least one judicial member.

How much would a redress payment be and who would be eligible?

Victims and survivors must fulfil several eligibility criteria in order to receive a redress payment. These criteria are set out in the Bill, with the requirement to have attended at least one of the listed institutions (11 mother and baby institutions and Magdalene Laundries) during a time period specified. These are set out in Schedule 2 of the Bill. To be eligible a victim/survivor must have:

    been admitted to a 'relevant institution' within the 'relevant timescale', or;
    have been born to a mother who was in a 'relevant institution' within the 'relevant timescale', or;
    have been born to a mother who was in a 'relevant institution' within the 'relevant timescale' immediately before their birth.

If a victim/survivor is eligible for this payment they would, under the Bill, receive a single £10,000 payment. A victim/survivor would not be eligible under the Bill if their admittance to an institution was paid for privately.

The Bill would also allow for posthumous payments to be made. This is where a person, who would otherwise have been eligible for a £10,000 payment, was alive on or after 29 September 2011 but has since died. In this case, any person who is either a partner or child of the deceased can each apply for a posthumous payment of £2000.

What are the costs of the Inquiry and SP Redress Scheme?

The EFM, which was published alongside the Bill states that the potential costs of the specified Inquiry would be in the region of £12 million to £20 million, but likely to be around £14 million, assuming the Bill is enacted as introduced. For the financial redress covered by the Bill, TEO have estimated a cost of £58 million.

Given the nature of both the Inquiry and Redress Scheme, it is not possible to know the exact cost ahead of time. There are several issues which may impact the cost. For example, the scope of the Inquiry as laid out in Terms of Reference which are yet to be finalised, how many people are involved in the Inquiry, and how long it lasts. The Redress Scheme costs will be impacted by, for example, the number of applications, the length of time it is open for, and any additional institutions that are added to the 'relevant institutions' list.

In addition to this, any amendments (proposals for change) made to the Bill as it progresses through the Assembly could change not only the policy in the Bill but may have cost implications as well. For example, if there was to be a different amount of redress paid to victims and survivors than the £10,000 currently in the Bill.

For a detailed analysis on the potential costs arising from the Bill, you may wish to look at the RaISe paper on the Review of the Bill Costs.

What happens next?

The Bill is currently at Committee Stage. This stage involves detailed consideration of the Bill by the appropriate Statutory Committee. In this case, this is the Committee for The Executive Office. Committee Stage began on 25 June 2025 and will last, at most, until 26 January 2026.

The Committee has been taking evidence from interested bodies (including the Executive Office) and individuals. Committee members are now considering the evidence provided and will then scrutinise each clause and schedule of the Bill and discuss possible amendments to it. Committees have no power to amend a Bill, but they prepare a report for the Assembly, including any proposals for amendments to the Bill.

You can find further information on the Committee's work on the Bill and keep up to date via the dedicated Assembly webpage.

You can also find out more about the stages of a Bill on the Assembly's website where there is more information on how laws are made.

15

Articles / New baby graveyard found at home where 796 infants were buried in septic tank

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 28, 2026, 06:55:49 PM »

https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/real-life/news-life/new-baby-graveyard-found-at-home-where-796-infants-were-buried-in-septic-tank/news-story/03e6349cbe953ecfffc8a10967023bae

New baby graveyard found at home where 796 infants were buried in septic tank

The lengthy excavation of the area where almost 800 infants were buried at a former mother and baby home has uncovered a new horror.

Rebekah Scanlan
December 26, 2025

A second baby graveyard has been found at the site of a maternity home for unwed mothers run by Catholic nuns in Ireland, where the remains of almost 800 infants were already found buried in a septic tank.  Excavations are currently underway at a seemingly inconspicuous patch of grass next to a children’s playground in a small Irish town after a evidence of a mass grave was uncovered.   The land, attached to a home run by nuns between 1925 and 1961 in the town of Tuam, 220km west of Dublin, was left largely untouched after the institution was knocked down in 1972.  But in 2014, amateur historian Catherine Corless, presented evidence that 796 babies, from newborns to a nine-year-old, had died at Tuam’s mother and baby home, leading to an Irish Commission of Investigation into the so-called mother and baby homes.  During its almost 40-year operation, the facility housed a number of women who had become pregnant outside of marriage and were shunned by their families. They were often separated from their children after giving birth.  A planned two-year excavation of the unmarked mass burial site began in July, conducted by the Office of the Director of Authorised Intervention in Tuam (ODAIT), which has since found evidence of a second burial site at the home.  Daniel MacSweeney, who is leading the excavation, told Irish broadcaster RTE a total of 11 sets of infant remains have been discovered in the new location, around 15 metres away from a memorial ground on the site.  All were buried in coffins, and date from the period between 1925 and 1961, when the home operated.  They were found less than a metre below the old surface, which had been covered by gravel more recently.  “We have indications of further potential graves of infant and child size, and over the coming weeks and months we will excavate them and see what we find there,” he said.

“There is also a historic map that shows a larger burial ground in this part of the site. We will also excavate there and see if there are further burials.”

He added that it was advantageous the bodies were in coffins, from the point of view of identifying the remains.  In contrast, the 796 bodies found nearby in the septic tank had “no burial records” and “no statue, no cross, absolutely nothing,” Corless said.

The septic tank was initially discovered in 1975, after two boys had been playing on the square of lawn and came across a broken concrete slab.  After pulling it up, they found a hole, and inside were bones. However, authorities were told about the grisly discovery, and covered it up, the BBC reports.  Locals reportedly believed the remains were from the Irish Famine in the 1840s. Before the mother-and-baby home, the institution was a famine-era workhouse where many people had died.  However, that didn’t add up to Corless, who looked at old maps of the site and found the area where the bones were found labelled as a “sewage tank”.  Another map, from the 1970s after the home was demolished, had a handwritten note next to that area saying “burial ground”.

The determined local historian later requested the names of all the children who had died at the home from the registration office for births, deaths and marriages in Galway, and was soon presented with a list of 796 names.  Her findings weren’t made public until 2014, and led to a six-year inquiry that found 56,000 unmarried women and 57,000 children passed through 18 such homes over a 76-year period.  It also concluded that 9000 children had died in the various state and Catholic Church-run homes across Ireland.  Excavation was only able to start following the passing of a legislation in 2022 enabling the exhumation, identification, and reburial, with the Bon Secours order, an international Catholic health ministry, contributing financially.  Journalist Alison O’Reilly, who broke the story, described it as “the darkest secret in Irish history”.

“People need to know that it’s black and ugly and rotten and what they did to the children that were born in those homes was an absolute disgrace,” she said.

“You wouldn’t do it to a dog.”

16

Articles / 'Taking kids to a police station led me to foster'

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 26, 2026, 12:17:09 PM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2gy7pp88mo

'Taking kids to a police station led me to foster'

Bethan Nimmo
Oxfordshire political reporter
Published 5 January 2026

A former police community support officer has said the "heart-breaking" task of taking vulnerable children to a police station opened his eyes to the strain on the care system.  Chris, from West Oxfordshire, said being faced with the lack of placements for young people in care led to his decision to become a foster parent.  With his wife Tabitha, he now has a permanent teenage foster daughter and offers temporary places for babies.  "I could see both sides of it and see that actually there's a big need there," he said.

"These children need to have the same opportunities as any other child their age.  And when children did go into care, sometimes they were taken to a police station because it was the only safe place to go."

Tabitha said since they started fostering, the security the placement had given her foster daughter had been life changing.  "It's having her own space. It's her home," she said. "This is something she hasn't had for quite a while.  It's her own space and that she is settled and that she doesn't need to move anywhere else again.  She doesn't need bags or anything like that. She can just be herself."

Despite Chris and Tabitha's positive experience, Oxfordshire has seen many foster carers leave the system in recent years.  The latest figures show for the past two financial years there has been an overall decrease in the number of placements, with recruitment not keeping up with those deregistering.  Oxfordshire County Council said it did begin to reverse that trend in 2025, but admitted it was unlikely to reach this year's recruitment target of 20 new foster carers.  Nationally, there has been a 10% decline in foster homes in England since 2021.  Tabitha said it was clear the system was under strain.  "Communication is the massive thing," she said. "Sometimes you do feel a little bit left on a limb.  And we do really understand that the amount of work that social workers have within their day-to-day is massive. It really is."

Chris said like many other public services, there was a need for investment.  "Ideally you'd love to be able to throw loads of money at it and get more people involved and more social workers," he said.

"But it's just not possible, you know, and you make the best of what you've got."

Oxfordshire County Council said it was looking at new approaches to improve recruitment and retention, including incentives like council tax relief.  Sean Gaul, the cabinet member for children and young people, said: "There will always be more that we can be doing, but when I walk around the floor with where the social workers work, where the officers work, I'm seeing a bunch of people that really, really care about what they do.  Where there's a will, there's a way."

The government said it planned to tackle the growing shortage of foster carers across the country with a comprehensive package of reforms to be introduced this year.

17

Articles / Abandoned baby Elsa to be adopted and regularly see two siblings

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 24, 2026, 02:16:14 PM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cd740vpwx4go

Abandoned baby Elsa to be adopted and regularly see two siblings

Sanchia Berg
BBC News
Published 8 January 2026

A girl who was found abandoned as a newborn in a carrier bag in east London is to be adopted and will have regular contact with her two siblings as she grows up, a family court has heard.  "Elsa" was left near a footpath in Newham on 18 January 2024, before being discovered by a dog walker. Subsequent DNA tests established she was the sibling of two other babies a boy and a girl each found nearby in similar circumstances in 2017 and 2019.  Police say all enquiries to find the parents of the abandoned babies have now been "exhausted".  On Thursday, East London Family Court heard Elsa was thriving, that she was already living with her new family, and has a loving relationship with them.  All their adoptive parents have agreed that Elsa who is now nearly two, brother Harry, 8 and sister Roman, 6 should have regular meetings as they grow up.  The children will see photos of each other, and have playdates twice a year.  Judge Carol Atkinson said Elsa's story was "extraordinary" and it was "fundamental to her existence that she shares that story with two full siblings".

She said she had seen photos of Elsa, who was a "beautiful little girl" "a raucous bundle of excitement and laughter".

The judge said had been told Elsa "lights up the space around her", adding that the three children's shared story was exceptional. Over ten years, between 2008–2018, only eight children were recorded as "foundlings" those abandoned at birth in England and Wales.  She said the siblings shared something "extraordinary", adding: "No-one they will meet in life is likely to understand what it is like to be a foundling. But they each know and understand."

The BBC has been following the hearings about baby Elsa for nearly two years.  Elsa was left in a Boots shopping bag in January 2024, when she was less than an hour old.  She was found on the coldest night of the year, so hospital staff named her after the character in the Disney film Frozen.  In June 2024, the BBC revealed she was the third child abandoned by the same mother and father. Her name and those of her siblings have now been changed.  After widespread media coverage, police stepped up their enquiries to find her parents.  Working with the National Crime Agency, officers identified several hundred houses where they believed babies' parents might have been living. They knocked on more than 100 doors, spoke to local residents and took DNA samples.  They also used the babies' DNA to try to identify relatives right across the UK, who they traced and spoke to.

But despite these efforts, police have said the parents have still not been found.  Det Supt Lewis Basford said enquiries were "exhausted" but officers would "continue to review all information and intelligence made available to us".

He urged anyone who "may be sitting on information" to contact the police.  Prof Lorraine Sherr, a psychologist who has studied abandoned children, said Thursday's hearing was a "turning point" for Elsa. She said she now had a stable and permanent home, and the "rare" possibility of early and regular contact with her siblings.  Sherr said the case marked a "true precedent" that the courts, families, police and social services came together to support the child's best interests. She added that the "intense public and media coverage ensured that processes worked smoothly".

18

Articles / Sisters who were separated when their father murdered their mother with a hammer

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 12, 2026, 06:49:43 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15454357/Sisters-separated-father-murdered-mother-hammer-Wales-reunite.html

Sisters who were separated when their father murdered their mother with a hammer in Wales reunite after 50 years

By LETTICE BROMOVSKY, NEWS REPORTER

Published: 00:13, 12 January 2026 | Updated: 01:51, 12 January 2026

Two sisters whose lives were torn apart after their father murdered their mother with a hammer have been reunited more than 50 years later after tracking each other down on Facebook.  Theresa Fazzani, 59, and her 57-year-old sister Janet were just children when their mother Helen Barnes was brutally killed in December 1973 at the family home in Newport, Wales.  The sisters say the trauma of that day and the decades of forced separation that followed, shaped their entire lives.  Helen's husband Malcolm Barnes murdered her with a two-pound hammer before telling the children she was 'sleeping'.  He then bundled the four girls aged eight, five, three and two into a car and drove them on a five-day journey to John O'Groats.  Five days later Barnes confessed to the killing. Although sentenced to life imprisonment, he served just nine years.  In the aftermath, the sisters' lives diverged dramatically. Theresa later discovered Barnes was not her biological father and was sent to live with her real father in London. Janet and the two younger girls stayed together and were adopted in Wales.  For more than five decades, Theresa and Janet had no contact at all.  That changed in July 2025, when Theresa, now a mental health counsellor living on the Isle of Wight, decided to search for her lost sisters through a Facebook group that helps reunite families.  Within 48 hours, the group had traced Janet and the others.  Since reconnecting, the sisters have visited each other's homes and now speak almost daily.  Theresa, a mental health counsellor from the Isle of Wight said: 'I remember walking into the room and seeing my mum on the bed, and Malcolm said she was asleep and that we needed to get in the car.  The next thing I knew, we were in Scotland. I was frightened and confused when I found out our mother was murdered, it was hard to understand when I was so young.  I couldn't understand that Malcolm wasn't my father but was the father of my sisters.  My real dad was horrible, and he wouldn't let me contact my sisters, or even talk about them at all, it was brutal.  I thought about reaching out to my sisters so many times, but I was so anxious and scared of rejection.  I finally decided to reach out to them because I thought, "I'm 60 soon and I don't want to have any regrets".  Since finding them through Facebook, I've been to Wales to meet them all, and Janet and I have visited each other's houses.  The first time we met up was so overwhelming, it was like I'd got a missing part of me back.  Me and Janet are never off the phone to each other. There's hardly a day that goes by that we don't chat to each other.'

Theresa and Janet had an ordinary upbringing in their early childhood, and said they saw no signs their mother was in danger.  'I have no idea why Malcolm murdered my mum', Theresa said. 'We never saw him be violent to her, and he was never violent to us.'

As the events happened when the sisters were so young, they have had to piece things together from newspaper clippings they have been able to locate.  'One newspaper article claimed that Malcolm murdered our mum because she neglected us, but I don't believe this,' Theresa said.

After Malcolm was sent to prison, the sisters were taken in to foster care in Scotland, before being returned to Wales.  Theresa was then told that Malcolm was not her father at all, and was sent to live in London with her biological father and step-mum, whilst her sisters were adopted in Wales.  When Theresa left for London, Janet said that she wasn't able to give her a proper goodbye.  Janet said: 'After she was gone, we were told we'd never see her again. When we were separated, it felt like part of me had been torn away.  I'd lost the two most important females in my life before I was six years old. Growing up without my big sister was really hard, because we had had such a close bond.  The family me and my other two sisters were adopted in to was very dysfunctional and suddenly I was the big sister, trying to navigate a hostile environment without Theresa there to protect me.'

Over a hundred miles a way, in London, Theresa was also having a miserable upbringing.  'My real dad wasn't particularly nice, he hit me', she said. 'Growing up without my sisters was so hard because I wasn't able to share any special moments with them.'

Both Theresa and Janet had thought about reaching out to each other over the years, but fear and anxiety always stopped them.  Janet said a big reason why she never tried to contact Theresa was because she always felt guilty, as it was her father that had killed Theresa's mother.  'When I was growing up, my adopted mother told me I would end up in prison like him', she said.

Janet said she had tried to look for Theresa in 2022, by looking through her mother's documents to find Theresa's surname.  However, she ended up being too scared to reach out.  She said: 'I thought she might hate me because of what my father did, and I thought that if I truly mattered to her, she would be looking for me and that somehow it would come together, and it did.'

When Janet got the call from Theresa, she was in complete shock.  'I couldn't believe it, I was overwhelmed and so relieved,' she said. 'But it was so upsetting to hear how terribly she had been treated too.'

Since reuniting, the sisters have been trying their best to piece together what happened all those years ago.  'We've had to piece everything together ourselves as the authorities sealed our files until 2073', Theresa said.

The sisters weren't even allowed to go to their mother's funeral, and have only just seen her grave for the first time.  'Janet had to track our Mum's grave down which I saw for the first time this year', Theresa said.

'A lot was pieced together when we reunited in July this year.'

19

Articles / British backpacker reveals how she became the legal guardian of nine ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 10, 2026, 01:34:51 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/article-15422487/british-backpacker-legal-guardian-nine-children-orphanage-abuse.html

British backpacker reveals how she became the legal guardian of nine children after uncovering horrific abuse at orphanage

READ MORE: I'm the youngest solo traveller to visit 100 countries - but my age got me into BIG trouble with airport security

By ALI GRAVES

Published: 09:57, 10 January 2026 | Updated: 10:03, 10 January 2026

A British woman has revealed how a travel adventure following her A-levels changed her life forever after she was placed in an orphanage in Tanzania, and ended up becoming the legal guardian to nine of the children who lived there.   Letty McMaster, now 31, from Tunbridge Wells, was just 18 when she set off in 2012 with a school friend on a month-long volunteering placement at the children's home in Tanzania.  The student had planned for the placement to be the first stop on a gap year but the weeks spent with the street children stopped her in her tracks.  Letty quickly discovered that many of the orphans were being subjected to emotional, physical and sexual abuse, with some of them confiding in her 'like a big sister' during her stay.  Speaking to the Daily Mail, she says those first weeks spent in the East African country changed the course of her life.  This is where everything changed. I ended up staying for the most part of the next three years. I learned the language and that's when the truth really unfolded.  When I heard and witnessed what the children were going through, I was determined to give them a proper place to call home where they could be safe, loved and cared for.'

Remarkably, Letty was registered as the legal guardian of nine of the children when she was just 22 years old.  Within those three years, the local government closed the orphanage down but Letty had already set plans in motion to have a home ready for the children to move into.  After taking them into her care at just 22, the children, who ranged from 10 to 16 years old at the time, she has raised them as a family unit for the last nine years and seen them prosper.  She says: 'When I think back, I'm like "oh my goodness, I was still so young myself", but there was no way I wasn't doing it, I was determined. I was ready to do whatever it took - and it took a lot.'

Letty went through different legal processes with social welfare, regional offices and all types of government officials. There was also another moral reason behind Letty's decision.  'They needed a place to call home and not be seen as orphans. At the orphanage, they were very much a tourist attraction with a much darker side. I needed them out of that situation and that cycle of abuse.'

The children were subjected to emotional and physical abuse and according to Letty, learning the local language of Swahili was key to finding out what was truly going on.  In 2019, Letty continued her mission and opened a second home, known as a safe house, specifically for children who are on the streets and need an immediate relief option.  The home has supported more than 100 children per year and here they can play football, have food, shower and receive counselling.

'This was the best way for me to assess the best route of action for each child,' she said.

'Some younger ones can be rehomed with relatives if it's safe to do so but older ones might choose vocational courses.  I support them in a local college where they can learn useful skills like mechanics and carpentry.'

The home is also used to house abandoned babies. Often, when a mother dies during childbirth in the region, relatives need support to look after the newborn.  The team provide those life-saving essentials in the first stage of their lives.  She spends nine months of the year in Tanzania, returning to the UK to work in temporary roles that help fund her cause.  In Tanzania, she works alongside trusted staff, including a security guard, a social worker and a cook.  Back in the UK, she also works on her charity work, fundraising and partnership deals.  Letty, who has a younger sister in the UK, admits that although she takes on a parental role, it's more sibling-like love.  'I see them all like my brothers and sisters, but my family do also come out and visit me in Tanzania.'

Naturally, Letty's work comes at a cost. While initially volunteering, friends and family would donate to help with everyday things like mosquito nets and medical care.  Since then, Letty set up her UK-registered charity, Street Children Iringa, in 2017.  Iringa, a city in the southern highlands of Tanzania where the charity is based, is home to many vulnerable street children due to rural poverty, family breakdown and a lack of child protection services.  Tanzania has one of the highest rates of child vulnerability in East Africa, with an estimated two million children having lost one or both parents to HIV/AIDS, with only 19 per cent of births officially registered.  As the children raised in the family home are now adults, Letty's focus for 2026 is underway with plans in motion to expand Street Children Iringa's reach.   Alongside maintaining the safe house, she is soon launching a new project supporting young mothers and their babies living on the streets.  Many of these young mothers are in this situation after fleeing forced marriages, which remain common for girls as young as 11 in some tribal villages.  Street life in Iringa is tough. Letty describes how many survive by finding rubbish in dumps, finding anything they can to sell to get food and many sleep in dumps or gutters.  It's extremely dangerous at night and a lot end up involved in gangs and drugs.  The safe houses also allow the children to dream big for the first time.  'It's making them believe they can achieve anything and ridding themselves psychologically of being a street child,' she said.

'With the right support, love and believing in them, they can do anything. One of my boys, Mohamed, was involved in gangs and drugs and now he's a professional boxer.'

Mohamed, 19, said: 'I feel so lucky to have been welcomed into the family home. Before this I was alone on the street, involved in gangs and drugs since I was 12.  I have succeeded so much since having a place to call home and the love and support I needed.  Now I am a respected boxer, referred to as a champion and representing my region. I am so grateful to my sister Letty for believing in me when no one else did.'

In December 2020, Letty and Street Children Iringa received a 'Point of Light' award from then Prime Minister Boris Johnson; to date she has raised over £500,000 to support the charity's homes, education programmes and welfare projects over the past nine years.  In the future, Letty would love to take things even further and expand her safe houses across Africa but for now, she is focused on one thing at a time.  Over new year, she flew out for a huge celebratory dinner with her extended family.  'Christmas isn't such a big deal over there, but we always mark a fresh New Year and all our successes past, present and to come.'

To donate to Street Children Iringa, visit, totalgiving.co.uk/charity/street-children-iringa or for more information, visit streetchildreniringa.org.

20

Articles / Scriptwriter says adopted children as film villains is harmful

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 02, 2026, 06:13:16 PM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c39dwglnmw0o

Scriptwriter says adopted children as film villains is harmful

Rowenna Hoskin
BBC Wales

Published 7 December 2025

Hollywood blockbusters and horror films frequently using adopted children as psychopaths and villains causes harm in real life, adoptees have said.  James Evans, 23, was two-and-a-half months old when he was removed from his birth family due to their inability to parent and harmful behaviour.  Now with a masters degree in scriptwriting, James said films such as Thor, Annabelle and The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It, among many others, made him "frustratingly uncomfortable" at how adoptees are depicted.  PhD researcher Annalisa Toccara-Jones said she had interviewed adult adoptees who felt "a real disconnection between what they're seeing in TV and film and what they actually experience".

James, from Cardiff, said adopted characters had their trauma used to explain bad behaviour, which impacts the way society views people like him.  He was fostered by two families before Ruth and Andrew Evans adopted him when he was two and said no film or TV series had ever made him feel "properly seen".  One of the most high-profile adoptees in cinema is the Norse god of mischief Loki in the Marvel films.  While he is Thor's adopted brother in the film, the original myth is that the two are friends, external.  These stories reinforce damaging stereotypes of adopted people as imposters or "devil children" where trauma is used as a "lazy" plot device for evil, he said.  The other end of the spectrum is the "grateful adoptee", when a child's adoption is seen as a fairy tale ending, such as Miss Honey taking in Matilda in the Roald Dahl book and subsequent films.  This ignores "the loss and grief" of children being taken away from their birth parents, James said.  Adopted characters tended to be "criminals, psychopaths, these broken damaged people that are here to cause trouble".

He added that this approach "really knocks your confidence" and affects how adopted people go through the world.  Susie James, 64, from Bournemouth is adopted, has adopted her son, and is researching complex psychological, social dynamics of adoption for a PhD at the University of Bradford.  She said horror films such as Orphan implied adoptees were "ticking timebombs" which fuelled "stigma and fear".  Adopted children are "labelled as coming with some kind of defect, something in the past which is going to turn them into a monster" which makes an "easy plot device for horror".  She said harmful stereotypes could increase bullying of adoptees and "doesn't do anything for their self-esteem".

While James has been "loved and cared for" and has "the best support system" in parents Ruth and Andrew, he said just because his trauma was invisible, does not mean he did not need help.  "There was no post-adoption support when I was adopted back in 2004, I was left to drown in my trauma of grief, loss, identity and attachment, which has had a huge impact on my life."

He said he was often asked how he could remember trauma from infancy, but stressed "it's a huge misconception" that babies and infants can't remember things.  While they can't form explicit picture memories, external there are "subconscious memories" which "become part of the brain and body".  James said the portrayal of adoptees through the fairy tale lens was as damaging as being presented as villains as it tells society they were ungrateful if they behave outside this stereotype.  Both portrayals could be damaging in terms of future adoptive parents as they could think either everything will be easy or are put off because they think the children will be "naughty and really bad".  Language like "real parents" when talking about birth family compared to adoptive families was also unhelpful, he said.  "If an adopted child's parents are parenting them, they are their real parents.  They are the ones who are there every day fighting for their child and that is real parenting. Biology isn't fundamentally what defines parenting, it's what you do."

Despite all this, James and Susie highlighted some good portrayals.  Doctor Who fan James said the show's exploration of the Doctor's childhood during Jodie Whittaker's era felt nuanced and accurate, which makes sense as the writer Chris Chibnall is an adoptee himself.  They also both agreed that Lost Boys and Fairies by Daf James captured the complexity of the adoption process.  Inspired by his own experience, Daf's award-winning drama follows two husbands navigating the adoption process.  "Adopting my three children has been the most challenging yet rewarding thing I've done," Daf said.

"I realised I hadn't really seen it reflected authentically on screen.  Social workers are often antagonists in dramas, rather than heroes. Kids are troubled rather than vulnerable children who need loving homes.  Adoption can change lives, and so can the stories that reflect adoption positively."

Emily Frith, CEO of Adoption UK, said the organisation has heard from other adoptees who were upset by how they are portrayed on screen.  "Horror films and thrillers, where an adopted person is somebody coming into a family and causing a challenge or drama is very othering," she said.

"It's saying there's something really different, whereas obviously an adopted person has the same potential as anyone else in life, they just have stuff that gets in the way."

Her advice to screenwriters was to research and "understand the perspectives of different people with different lived experience".

Ms Toccara-Jones, 38, from Sheffield, who is researching narratives of adoption in media and how it impacts adoptees, said those voices "have been sidelined" in policy making as decision-makers are not adopted themselves.  This influences storytelling in TV and film which then further feeds the way adoptees are seen by society.  Within her research, she has interviewed adult adoptees who she said felt "a real disconnection between what they're seeing in TV and film and what they actually experience" which was "a form of gaslighting".

Susie said she wanted to see adoptees presented "with compassion", detailing "what they've been through" and their "struggle to function and reach their potential in our society" as well as the "trauma that lives inside them and how they navigate that with a support system that's crumbling".

Now he has graduated James is beginning his career in an industry he hopes to help change for the better.  His aim is to bring "authentic representation of adoption from the perspective of adoptees to TV and film".