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31

Articles / ‘Time running out’ for UK to apologise over forced adoptions

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 10, 2025, 05:52:59 PM »

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/feb/09/forced-adoptions-time-running-out-for-uk-to-apologise?fbclid=IwY2xjawIXGuFleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHQNsxDdTlizSyXdnCXdDqXOFfLy2ndSuqFbmdP5BZjxzxQZW784Qqkicyw_aem_BIT1oB19ljZcklzQwx-8rQ

‘Time running out’ for UK to apologise over forced adoptions

Campaigners demand government issue formal apology to women forced to give up their babies in 1950s-70s

Time is running out for the UK government to issue a formal apology to women who were forced to give up their babies for adoption in the 1950s, 60s and 70s, campaigners have warned.  Most of the estimated 185,000 women involved in forced adoptions are now in their 70s and 80s, and some have died without an apology on behalf of the state being issued.  Many pinned their hopes on the Labour government after the previous Conservative administration said in 2023 that a formal government apology was not appropriate. But despite strong cross-party support for such a move, the government has failed to act.  “Time is of the essence,” said Karen Constantine, of the Movement for an Adoption Apology (MAA) and the author of Taken: Experiences of Forced Adoption. “The value of an apology would be immensely healing and resolve unimaginable pain endured for decades by an ageing cohort of women who had their babies taken from them.”

Last year, Veronica Smith, one of the co-founders of the MAA, died aged 83. The loss of her daughter in a forced adoption in 1964 had “coloured the whole of my life”, she said.

She had hoped to testify at a public hearing into forced adoptions, but the government dismissed calls for an inquiry in 2017.  Discussions with senior Labour politicians before last year’s election led the MAA to believe that a formal apology would be issued if the party took power. “It’s beyond disappointing that it hasn’t happened,” said Constantine. “My many formal and informal conversations led me to believe an apology would be forthcoming and that Keir Starmer would deliver it.”

MPs and peers from all parties who had backed calls for an apology were unhappy with the lack of progress, she added.  Lord Alton, the chair of parliament’s joint committee on human rights (JCHR), urged the government “to take ownership of resolving this wider legacy to mitigate the harm that was done” to women. “This isn’t about apportioning blame, but recognising the serious trauma and lasting pain suffered by so many people,” he told the Guardian, speaking in a personal capacity.

Helena Kennedy, a barrister and member of the JCHR, and Harriet Harman, a veteran Labour politician and a former chair of the JCHR, also said the government should issue a formal apology. State and church bodies “sustained a punitive culture of shaming young women who became pregnant outside of marriage”, said Kennedy.

A JCHR inquiry into forced adoptions in 2021 that found the UK government was “ultimately responsible” for actions that inflicted harm inflicted on young, vulnerable women and children. “An apology by the government and an official recognition that what happened to these mothers was dreadful and wrong would go some way to mitigate the pain and suffering of those affected,” it said.

Responding to a request for comment from the children’s and families minister Janet Daby, a Department for Education spokesperson said: “This abhorrent practice should never have taken place, and our deepest sympathies are with all those affected. We take this issue extremely seriously and continue to engage with those impacted to provide support and consider what more can be done.”

The Scottish government issued a formal apology in 2023. Nicola Sturgeon, then Scotland’s first minister, said: “The issuing of a formal apology is an action that governments reserve as a response to the worst injustices in our history.”

The Welsh government formally apologised for the “life-long heartbreak” caused by forced adoptions also in 2023. In 2018, Leo Varadkar, then Irish prime minister, told parliament: “What was done was an historic wrong that we must face up to.”

In 2016, the head of the Catholic church in England and Wales apologised for its role in forced adoptions, and the Church of England also expressed “great regret”.  The Catholic church, the C of E and the Salvation Army ran “mother and baby homes” and adoption agencies in the UK from the 1950s until the 1970s. Unmarried pregnant women were sent to the homes to give birth and hand over their babies for adoption. They were not told they could keep their children and had the right to welfare support. Adoption reached a peak in 1968, when more than 16,000 babies born to unmarried mothers were handed to new families.  Michael Lambert, an academic at Lancaster University who has researched forced adoptions, said the government decided not to take over the homes when the welfare state was created in the 1940s, but instead subsidised their services.  “The weight of evidence from archive material and testimonials is huge,” he said. “It’s not just the birth mothers who are ageing and may not live to see an apology, there is also a generation of adoptees who deserve justice.”

As well as a formal apology, the MAA wants government funding for support services for women and their children who were involved in forced adoptions and full access to historical records.

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Articles / The disturbing REAL reason I believe so many celebrities use surrogates......

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 04, 2025, 05:18:36 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-14356459/child-IVF-cycles-adopt-surrogacy-sickening-banned-CLAUDIA-CONNELL.html#newcomment

The disturbing REAL reason I believe so many celebrities use surrogates. I tried to adopt and had IVF and it exposed the truth to me: CLAUDIA CONNELL

By CLAUDIA CONNELL

Published: 01:32, 4 February 2025 | Updated: 09:19, 4 February 2025

The announcement of the birth of a beautiful baby isn't usually followed by widespread backlash a backlash so vicious that one of the parents feels compelled to take to social media to admonish their critics.  Yet that's what happened when Emily In Paris actress Lily Collins, 35, revealed last week that she had, via a surrogate, become a new mother.  Lily uploaded a picture of baby Tove sleeping in her crib, telling her 29 million Instagram followers: 'Words will never express our endless gratitude for our incredible surrogate and everyone who helped us along the way.'

It drew messages of congratulations and 2.4 million likes. But in among the good wishes were many comments that weren't quite so positive.  'Having babies shouldn't be like placing an Amazon order,' said one critic.

'The future: pregnancy is for poor women only,' said another.

No wonder Lily's film director husband Charlie McDowell, 41, felt obliged to address the many 'unkind' remarks in a comment on his wife's post. He suggested that these people 'spend less time spewing hateful words into the world, especially in regards to a beautiful baby girl'.

McDowell, the director of Netflix films The Discovery and Windfall and the son of actor Malcolm McDowell, pointed out that nobody knows the reason why he and Lily used a surrogate, nor what the surrogate's motivations were. He's right, of course.  He and Lily are no doubt blissfully happy in their new baby bubble, and I'm sure little Tove is cherished. But no happy announcement will ever make me see surrogacy as anything other than an unedifying business, nor prevent me from calling for a ban.  Today, surrogate births have become so prevalent in Hollywood that it's a surprise when a celebrity carries and delivers her own child. Research firm Global Market Insights predicts the industry could be worth nearly $130 billion (£105 billion) by 2032.  How can anyone not feel sickened by this figure and what it represents the commodifying of the female body?

That it has become such a lucrative business is, I believe, in part due to the wholesome version of surrogacy that celebrities present to the world. Paris Hilton, Amber Heard, Rebel Wilson, Cameron Diaz, Priyanka Chopra, Chrissy Teigen and Naomi Campbell are just a handful of stars who have been open about their use of surrogates in recent years.  At the heart of the trade lies a disturbing imbalance of power. Surrogacy is available only to wealthy people. Prices vary around the world, with America being the costliest.  Once medical bills, lawyers and agency fees are accounted for, so-called 'commissioning parents' (those who pay for a surrogate) could end up forking out nearly £160,000 there.  Countries at the cheaper end of the scale include Eastern European nations such as Ukraine, where the cost of surrogacy runs to around £40,000.  These wealthy commissioning parents can't achieve their dream without, to put it bluntly, renting a womb. The surrogate must subject herself to endless tests, take powerful IVF drugs and then put her body through the stress of a pregnancy. Research has also shown that surrogates are at a higher risk of complications.  They then go through the trauma of birth only to hand the child over as soon as the umbilical cord is cut. It doesn't take a genius to deduce that many such women are likely to be desperate and impoverished, reduced to selling their bodies to pay their bills.  I suspect that many of the celebrities who turn to surrogacy do so because they don't want to take career breaks, or gain weight and risk ruining the figures they rely on for their lucrative careers.  We don't know exactly when Lily's daughter was born, but the actress has spent the past three months in London appearing in the West End play Barcelona. Before that she was filming Emily In Paris in France and Italy.  When Charlie's Angels actress Lucy Liu had her son Rockwell Lloyd via surrogacy in 2015, she admitted: 'It just seemed like the right option for me because I was working and I didn't know when I was going to be able to stop.'

I realise that many women who outsource their pregnancies did want to carry their own children but were unable to. My heart aches for women who experience infertility, but it does not give anyone the right to buy a baby.  I, myself, had three failed cycles of IVF. I applied for adoption before giving up after finding the system to be chaotic and discriminatory towards single women. In the end, I had to make my peace with being childless.  Any woman who has undergone IVF will know that the fertility drugs and desperation send you mad. You become willing to throw money at anything that promises to increase your chances of having a baby. I spent crazy sums on vitamins, acupuncture and whacky intravenous infusions to no avail.  I thank heavens that, even at my most desperate, I never considered surrogacy. Some women I befriended via an online fertility forum did, though.   One, who'd remortgaged her house to pay for six failed IVF cycles, took out further loans to use a surrogate at an Indian baby factory where impoverished women were paid to have children for Western couples unable to conceive. These women were often forced into surrogacy by family and kept in grim boarding houses.  As details of these women emerged they delivered 2,000 babies a year to overseas clients and were reduced to brood mares it caused such outrage that commercial surrogacy was banned in India in 2016.  Ukraine then became the surrogacy centre of choice for those without celebrity bank balances.  Before the war, Ukrainian surrogates were delivering around 2,500 babies a year for foreign parents. When the war with Russia broke out, babies were left to languish parentless in hospitals and children's homes, since the commissioning parents were unable to travel to collect them. You'd think it might have led to a ban, but it didn't.  It's all a far cry from the rose-tinted version of surrogacy that is often presented that of grateful parents rewarded with their longed-for 'miracle' child thanks to a kind 'carrier' who, of course, is declared to be part of the family.  In the UK, commercial surrogacy is illegal, meaning that only the 'altruistic' kind where the surrogate mother is not paid is allowed. But don't be fooled into thinking this gives us the moral high ground.  The law lets intended parents pay a surrogate's 'reasonable expenses' and as these can cover everything from food and travel to childcare, clothing and even domestic help, it can run into tens of thousands of pounds.  Greece, like the UK, does not permit commercial surrogacy. But that didn't stop a surrogacy trafficking ring being uncovered on the island of Crete in 2023. Its Mediterranean Fertility Institute was shut down after it was alleged that staff trafficked women from Eastern European and Balkan countries to act as surrogates.  It really isn't so far-fetched to believe the same thing could happen here, and it's why more women need to speak up. If you are appalled at the exploitation of women in the sex industry but stay silent about surrogacy, then you have no right to call yourself a feminist. Anything that harms women is our business.  The only way to keep vulnerable women safe is to implement a worldwide ban, regardless of whether the commissioning parents are ordinary people or multi-millionaire stars like Lily.

33

Articles / Secretive Christian sect coerced young mothers to give up babies

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 01, 2025, 03:57:52 PM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c9d5x83gg45o

Secretive Christian sect coerced young mothers to give up babies

George Wright BC News

Published 1 February 2025, 00:00 GMT

Women who were once members of a secretive Christian sect in the United States have told the BBC they were coerced by the church into giving up their children for adoption.  Hundreds of adoptions could have taken place between the 1950s and 1990s, say former members.  Some of the children who were adopted within the church have told us they were then subjected to abuse and neglect in their adoptive families.  The claims follow a BBC investigation last year into allegations of child sexual abuse spanning decades within the church, which is believed to have up to 100,000 members worldwide and is often referred to as The Truth or the Two by Twos. The FBI has since launched an investigation.

Warning: this story contains details some may find distressing.

Four women who were all unmarried at the time have told us they were given no option but to give up their babies. Three of them feared being cast out of the church and sent to hell if they refused.  One says she was pressured into giving her baby to a married couple in the church after she was raped in 1988, age 17.  "My fear of going to hell was so great that it forced me to make up my mind to give up the baby to this couple in the church," she told the BBC.

Another says she wasn't allowed to see her baby daughter before the child was taken away forever.  The BBC has also spoken to six people given up for adoption as babies between the 1960s and 1980s. One woman says she was physically and emotionally abused in her first adoptive family in the church, and sexually abused in the second.  The adopted children born all over the US are referred to within the church as "Baldwin Babies" because the adoptions were overseen by Wally Baldwin, a doctor from the sect who died in 2004.  Some of the women would stay at his home in Oregon during pregnancy, according to a minister who used to work with Dr Baldwin.  The exact number of Baldwin Babies is unclear. The BBC has spoken to the late doctor's adopted son, Gary Baldwin, who said the original records were no longer available but he believed the number to be "less than 200".  He said that "inevitably" mistakes were made by his father's vetting system but that his intentions were good. Others we spoke to also said they remembered Dr Baldwin fondly.  Because The Truth has no official leader, the BBC instead contacted six of its most senior current officials known as "overseers" for comment. We received one response. The overseer told us any adoptions he was aware of had been done "through legal channels" and he had "heard some beautiful stories".

One woman who was adopted recalled seeing hundreds of photos in an album Dr Baldwin would keep of the children whose adoptions he had organised in The Truth.  Another man who was adopted told us he had personally connected with more than 100 Baldwin babies and mothers.  The church, founded in Ireland by a Scottish evangelist in 1897, is built around ministers known as workers spreading New Testament teachings through word-of-mouth.  Most of the mothers the BBC spoke to believe the workers and The Truth as an institution should shoulder most of the responsibility for the trauma caused by the adoptions.

'If I keep this baby, I'm going to hell'

"Somewhere the church got off track and it became a fear-based cult and I was forced to make a choice," says Melanie Williams, 62, who gave up her baby for adoption in January 1981.

At 18, Melanie became pregnant after falling "madly in love" with a boy from her school.  Not only were the pair unmarried, but the father was not a member of The Truth and refused to become one. This meant Melanie had committed a "terrible sin" in the eyes of local workers.  The workers and her family decided that she could only continue to attend church meetings if she gave her baby to another family in the sect.  "If I keep this baby, I'm going to go to hell. If I keep the baby, I can't go home," Melanie recalls thinking.

She gave birth in a Catholic hospital in Oklahoma, where she was discreetly put in a room on her own.  She remembers being shouted at by a doctor when she began to cry during labour.  Melanie's baby was whisked away before it made a sound and she says she didn't know whether she'd had a girl or a boy.  The new mother was left wondering if her child might be dead.  When she eventually found out the baby was alive, she told a nurse she was wavering on whether to go through with the adoption and wanted to hold her baby.  "You can't ever hold your baby," came the reply.

Years later, Melanie managed to track her daughter down - but she didn't want to meet.  Deb Adadjo, 54, was also unsure about giving up her baby, but felt too much pressure at the time to refuse the workers, who threatened to ban her from church meetings which in The Truth meant you not only got thrown out of the church, but also ended up in hell.  She became pregnant after being raped in 1988.  Recalling holding her newborn, she says "I can still feel her against my chest right now.  In our last moments together, I remember just cuddling with her and telling her that I loved her and that I was sorry, over and over again," she adds.

"I had to let her go, I had no options."

Deb later met her daughter, but they are no longer in regular contact.  Sherlene Eicher, 63, from Iowa, says she never stopped thinking about the daughter she felt her parents pressured her to give up in 1982.  She briefly got to hold and feed her newborn before they were separated.  Sherlene would hold a private birthday celebration for her daughter every year.  "When her birthday would come around I would get her a birthday card and a couple times I made a cake," she says.

"I would journal a lot too wondering where she was, what she was like, what she might be going through at the age she was."

Then in 2004, Sherlene's daughter got in touch by email and they met. They are close to this day.  "When we finally met, we just hugged and hugged and hugged," says Sherlene.

"We talk for like two or three hours on the phone she's a pretty incredible woman."

Adopted babies left open to abuse

Those interviewed said the adoption system involved very little vetting and this set-up the potential for abusive situations. They said when a baby was on the way, Dr Baldwin would contact workers for referrals, and they would recommend a family in the sect to place the child with.  Of the six Baldwin Babies who spoke to the BBC, two faced sexual, physical and emotional abuse in their adoptive families, while one said she had been subjected to emotional abuse by her adoptive father.  One woman said she was removed from her first adoptive home by social services because of extreme physical abuse and was placed in the home of a church "elder" - a person of seniority who holds meetings in their own home and his wife. She said the couple started sexually abusing her within weeks, when she was 15.  Another woman said she was beaten by her adoptive parents on a daily basis and sexually abused by an uncle in her adoptive family when she was five.  Since reports of widespread child sexual abuse started spreading within the church two years ago, former and current members have started connecting in Facebook groups, including Baldwin mothers and babies.  "The momsI know how they feel and I have so much empathy for them. I cry for their stories when they write them. But for myself I have cried all the tears I can cry," says Deb.

"It has been like finding my tribe," says Melanie. "I'm not alone any more.  Our moms were afraid to hug us, our dads were ashamed of us, and the church would only accept us if we made the ultimate sacrifice.  And all these years later, we are all going to be OK."

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Books / Taken: Experiences of Forced Adoption

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 30, 2025, 06:03:39 PM »

https://prampublications.com/?fbclid=IwY2xjawIInHhleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHSxlqrLPaI__ucmWLxheSnjQ07E0zoPBC1qzmFyGgNpeIuANS1-vSagx_A_aem_yfOY8cTs8pyVdecx4BuWSw

Taken:  Experiences of Forced Adoption

PRAM Publications is excited to announce a new work by Karen Constantine, who was incarcerated into a mother and baby home in 1978, she is a long time campaigner, political activist and contributor to magazines, newspapers, radio and TV.

Karen's first non-fiction book, Taken: Experiences of Forced Adoption is a collection of, often shocking, conversations with mothers and adult adoptees who endured time at mother and baby homes in the United Kingdom. These written experiences are born of historic social injustice towards women and their children, they capture intolerance, cruelty, trauma and confusion across the generations.

The conversations are interwoven with Karen's political commentary with focus on the responsibilities of a new Labour government and the need for a long-overdue official apology.

This book is published at a time when historical forced adoption is gaining wider public attention. The movie, Small Things Like These, released this autumn and starring Cillian Murphy, follows in the footsteps of
Philomena, The Magdalene Sisters, The Women in the Wall, Into the Fire, The Removed and The Marian Hotel. ITV News has aired regular reports on the topic and the Movement for an Adoption Apology has stepped up it's campaigning, seeking the attention of the new government.

Taken: Experiences of Forced Adoption by Karen Constantine is published on 19 November 2024 and is available to purchase in paperback and e-book formats. Search for Taken: Experiences of Forced Adoption to order the ebook on Amazon, Kobo, Google Books and other platforms.

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General Discussion / Re: Devotions

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 28, 2025, 06:27:39 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2024/07/01/if-life-doesnt-make-sense-read-this?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_9xYr5jrqE1tOzjqvkVUwmkl5KqmZpQpg5NiS-XXtQVnVayZ5plDdSHVXZai4JWZzcT9fKSTM96Lg304BgG7KkRbP_SQ&_hsmi=311339349&utm_content=311339349&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

If Life Doesn’t Make Sense, Read This
July 1, 2024
by Taylor Joy Murray

“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.” Isaiah 53:3a (NIV)

When I was a little girl, I used to have two journals.  Every morning, I’d open my prayer journal and neatly pen my gratitude to God for His goodness and grace.  Then I’d open my personal journal, where my real thoughts, emotions and questions would messily spill out. I kept this journal under lock and key, promising myself these were words God would never see.  One journal held my praise. The other held my pain. I didn’t know how to talk to God about both. That kind of honesty with God would require a gut-level confidence that He loved and accepted me even when I was sad, confused and angry. But pain had a way of creating difficult emotions inside of me that I wasn’t sure God liked.  I imagine you come to these words today with your own story of pain. Maybe you’ve endured an experience that has carved a line through your story and your soul.

A miscarriage.
Financial struggles.
Unfulfilled longings.
A wayward child.
An ailing body.
Grief that feels cruel.
Lingering depression.
Scars of abuse.

Circumstances like these stand in stark contrast to the idea that life is always happy if we have faith. Growing up, I absorbed a narrative that we demonstrate holiness by demonstrating happiness. But when being “fine” became how I lived out my faith, it left me emotionally fragmented and disconnected, adrift in an internal sea of grief, thoughts and questions toward God. Questions like, Where are You, God? If You love me, why is this happening?

However, Isaiah 53:3a describes Jesus as deeply understanding every excruciating part of the human experience because He lived on earth as fully human and fully God, “a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.” Jesus knows the agony of betrayal and the sting of denial. He knows the ache of grief, rejection and loneliness. He understands what it feels like for suffering not to be removed, no matter how much you plead or urgently pray (Matthew 26:39).  When life doesn’t make sense, Jesus demonstrates that pain and belief can coexist. We don’t have to choose between feeling our emotions and having a relationship with God.  Rather than hiding pain behind praise, our mourning can be a sacred act of worship. Every one of our honest tears is a tiny offering of trust that God loves and sees us. Here. Now. In our darkest days and most dysregulated moments. Our most faithful response to suffering is to follow Jesus' example, allowing ourselves to express our honest sadness.  Today, I wonder what it might be like to come to the journals of our hearts honestly, bringing our full selves to these pages. We have a God who doesn’t want only our best but wants all of us.

36

General Discussion / Re: Devotions

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 13, 2025, 03:24:46 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2024/06/20/a-savior-worth-following?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--uLBOFodEI45D564YSOa8a9nDw_Hgsqy-YlqdpyiP3jT6rlIxWI4M35ErAInJ_Kq1SSrEeNXuBRqZ3wxfcJ-e_ym8XRw&_hsmi=309982337&utm_content=309982337&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

A Savior Worth Following
June 20, 2024
by Karen Wingate

“The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone …” Psalm 118:22 (NIV)

Since childhood, I've known the facts of the Christian faith: God made the world, Jesus came into the world, Jesus died for the sins of the world, and Jesus came back to life. If I believe in Him, I get to be with Him forever.  But as I got older, I met people who questioned the truth of what I believed. At unexpected moments, doubt crept through my mind: Is it true? Confusingly, some people told me it didn’t matter who or what I believed in.  “As long as you believe in something, that’s what counts,” one told me.

“All roads lead to heaven,” another said.

“You believe what you want, and I’ll believe my way.”

And I wondered more. Would I reach the end of life and find out none of what I believed about Jesus was true?

Was I wrong for thinking there was only one way to reach God?

Why did Jesus say no one could come to God except through Him (John 14:6)?

When others challenged my faith, I longed for a clear example of why only Jesus saves.  I found my answer in the form of a rock.  This rock is part of an illustration Jesus Himself gave to show that even our everyday, earthly lives contain problems that have only one solution.  According to Luke 20:17-18, in the last week of His life, Jesus used the fitting image of a cornerstone to describe His unique purpose and identity, quoting a prophecy about Himself in Psalm 118:22: “The stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.”

In ancient buildings and walls, certain unique stones, different from typical, rectangular building stones, were used at pivotal points in the structure. For example, a cornerstone could set a foundation or anchor a wall.  Just as a stone different from all the rest is the only one that will fit the need to hold up a wall or establish a firm foundation, onlyJesus can restore our world to what God wants it to be. Jesus may not fit the mold of what people are looking for in a Savior, but as the Cornerstone, He has a specific, essential purpose: to save the world from sin and provide the gift of eternal life.  When we encounter others who insist that all belief systems are equal, it is hard to stand apart as having a different view. We may be accused of being narrow-minded and unaccepting. We may suffer socially, or even physically, for believing there’s only one way to salvation. But I’m so thankful Jesus lovingly invites all people to trust in Him, and He has given us an everyday example to clarify how He is, and must be, the only way to get to God.

37

General Discussion / Re: Devotions

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 11, 2025, 05:19:26 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2024/06/18/weakness-is-actually-a-gift?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--nndpRbiSUGMkqAVMcNcczxNRV4g6cbL4VnCk-KRJ2Y2sly_xWG3Q_MoD06Phcs91V8tukPPZFCQv_WNUMA20QqQ30nQ&_hsmi=309979821&utm_content=309979821&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Weakness Is Actually a Gift
June 18, 2024
by Dr. Joel Muddamalle

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.'" 2 Corinthians 12:9a (CSB)

Recently, I woke up to my back hurting. How did this happen?

I wondered.  Is it because I worked out too hard?

I hadn’t worked out in weeks.  Is it because I lifted something heavy?

Normally when something heavy needs to be lifted, I call one of my sons.  So why was my back hurting?

Reality check: Because I woke up.  I probably turned in the middle of the night too fast, tweaking and hurting my back. As I write this, I feel the sharp pain between my shoulder blades when I move just right, a reminder of the reality of my weakness.  Weakness no one wants it. No one wants to embrace it. It is the last thing championed and celebrated in our society and culture. Yet when we turn to Scripture, we see weakness is the perfect place for us to experience God’s power.  In 2 Corinthians 12:9a, God says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.”

The presence of weakness in our lives is not evidence of God’s cruelty but is exactly what we need to be reminded of His kindness. He is committed to be with us in and through our weakness.  I’ve always been fascinated by the story of Jacob when he wrestled with God in Genesis 32:24-32. Jacob named the place of his wrestling “Peniel,” meaning “face of God,” because he saw God face to face, yet his life was spared. Wild! Then we find out Jacob walked along “limping because of his hip” (Genesis 32:31, CSB).

Jacob wrestled with the Creator of the cosmos, and he made it out with just a limp! If this isn’t God’s mercy and kindness, I don’t know what is. But having a limp for the rest of his life must have been devastating in some ways. In the ancient world, people walked everywhere. This limp would have represented a reality of internal weakness for Jacob and a visible, external weakness for everyone who saw him.  But I think the persistence of the limp wasn’t a cruelty of God. Rather, it was a kindness because this weakness would always be a reminder of a moment of holy humility.  Humility is an awareness of who God is, which defines who we are so we can rightly relate to other people.  Jacob saw and interacted with God. And in the end, Jacob received a blessing from God, which changed his life forever.  In other words, Jacob’s weakness was tremendously valuable because it instilled in him a deep sense of humility. That humility would serve as a protection and preservation for him as he limped along, always aware of God’s blessing on his life. This was a holy, humble moment for Jacob.  Today, you and I also face weakness and limitations. Fear may be creeping into your heart as you realize you don’t have control over a certain area of your life. Friend, I want to remind you that when you become intimately aware of your limits and inability, you are in the perfect place to become aware of God's limitless and infinite ability.

38

Articles / Film spotlights 'life-long' impact of adoption

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 09, 2025, 07:22:00 PM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cm2y4ng1nedo

Film spotlights 'life-long' impact of adoption

Rachel Candlin
BBC News, West of England

Published 28 September 2024

Two women, who were adopted as babies, have shared their stories to spotlight the "life-long impact" of adoption.  Adele Gardner and Grace Payne feature in a documentary directed by Rwandan-born adoptee, Louise Ndibwirende, who wanted to challenge the assumption that "the adoption process ends with the paperwork".

Speak Little One: The World is Listening is being screened at The Watershed on 28 September for "underrepresented" adoptees and others with experience of adoption.  Alison Woodhead, from Adoption UK, said: "More needs to be done to highlight the voices and views of adoptees; they should be front and centre when it comes to reforming the adoption system."

Grace wearing a thick winter coat and scarf, standing smiling in front of a fence with brightly-coloured street art.  Ms Payne, 28, who was adopted at 18 months due to China's one-chid policy, said: "I got involved in the documentary because I have a passion for advocating for adoptees and promoting more awareness and discussion around the difficult subject of adoption.  Being adopted has massively shaped who I am today and I feel proud of my identity. To feature in the documentary is an honour and something I'll never forget as an incredible display of adoptee solidarity."

"The documentary shines a light on the reality of adoption, a topic often overlooked, whitewashed, and even stigmatised in our society," said Ms Ndibwirende, who was adopted into a French family at the age of three.

"I wanted to create a safe platform for adoptees to share the emotional and sometimes traumatic reality of adoption, so any adoptee who feels their experiences differ to the 'happy-ever-after' narrative knows they are not alone.  Actually there's often a lot of grief for everyone, and especially for the adoptive child and that follows them through different chapters of their life; with relationships, friendships and finding their identity and culture.  These stories deserve to be told without shame or judgement, and I was really passionate about making sure those voices were heard," she said.

Ms Gardner, 67, was adopted at three months in the 1950s when unmarried mothers were encouraged to give up their babies.  "To those who who are not adopted its complexities often remain invisible.  Louise's brave decision to make her first documentary on this subject encouraged me to want to be part of it. By sharing our journeys as adoptees I hope we can shine a light on identity, adoption and ownership of the self," she said.

Adoption UK is an organisation dedicated to supporting people across the adoption community.  Ms Woodhead, director of Public Affairs and Communications, said: "Most adoptees tell us that adoption has cast both light and shade on their lives.  Ms Ndibwirende is absolutely right that more needs to be done to highlight the voices and views of adoptees. They should be front and centre when it comes to reforming the adoption system and children's social care.  That's definitely a shift the sector is trying to make, but adoptee perspectives have been ignored for decades and change is happening too slowly."

Adoptee voices heard

Ms Ndibwirende, 35, who was adopted into a French family aged three years, said interracial adoption added another layer of complexity.  "For me personally, it can cause an identity crisis and challenge in terms of sense of self, which is really hard to unpack.  Looking for my birth family also kind of flipped the life that I had up until that point.  There's a narrative that once you've found your biological family, it's this kind of happy ever after, but it can be peak existential crisis," she said.

"The impacts can last a lifetime. That's why we're campaigning for lifelong support for adoptees, to make sure that adoption gives them the best possible chance to thrive," added Ms Woodhead.

Anyone with experience of adoption, especially adoptees, are being invited to the screening on 28 September and to take part in a question and answer session.

39

Articles / Gay Georgia couple will spend life in prison for sick abuse of their adopted ...

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on December 25, 2024, 04:06:26 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14222835/gay-georgia-couple-sentenced-sexual-abuse-adopted-sons-life-prison.html

Gay Georgia couple will spend life in prison for sick abuse of their adopted sons

By JAMES CIRRONE FOR DAILYMAIL.COM

Published: 23:50, 23 December 2024 | Updated: 00:51, 24 December 2024

Two Georgia men who were convicted in the sickening sex abuse of their two adopted sons are headed to prison for the rest of their lives.  A judge decided that married gay couple William and Zachary Zulock once darlings of the LGBTQ scene in Georgia will each serve 100 years in prison for sodomizing their young sons, recording the sex acts and providing videos of the abuse to other pedophiles, 11Alive reported.  The horrific abuse was believed to take place when the boys were as young as three and five years old.  'These two defendants truly created a house of horrors and put their extremely dark desires above everything and everyone else,' Alcovy Judicial Circuit District Attorney Randy McGinley said at their sentencing.

'However, the depth of the defendants' depravity, which is as deep as it gets, is not greater than the resolve of those that fought for justice and the strength of the victims in this case. The resolve I have seen from these two young victims over the last two years is truly inspiring.'

In August, William Zulock, 34, pleaded guilty to aggravated sodomy, child molestation, incest, and two counts of sexual exploitation of children.  Zachary Zulock, 36, entered into his own guilty plea on October 21 for aggravated sodomy, child molestation, and sexual exploitation of children. Zachary had a bench trial for the two incest counts and was found guilty by Judge Jeffrey L. Foster.  Following arguments from the prosecution and the defense, Foster adhered to the state's recommendation and sentenced both men to 100 years behind bars without the possibility of parole, followed by probation for life.   But due to the seriousness of their offense, neither of them will be eligible for parole until the entire 100 years is up, ensuring they'll die in prison.  In their initial search of Zulocks' posh home in the Atlanta suburbs, police reviewed two weeks worth of footage from interior surveillance cameras, which showed the men sexually abusing the children in several different parts of the house.  The case against the couple began on July 22, 2022, when the Walton County Sheriff's Office got a tip from the Georgia Bureau of Investigation's Child Exploitation and Computer Crimes unit.  Investigators received an alert from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children about suspected child sexual abuse material (CSAM) uploaded to a Google account with a Walton County IP address.  After obtaining a search warrant, investigators raided the Zulocks' home and discovered over seven terabytes of digital evidence, home surveillance footage, and cell phone data that had contained graphic images, videos and text messages discussing the abuse.  In subsequent interviews, both men admitted they had spent years sexually abusing their sons, whom they had adopted in 2018 from a now defunct Christian agency.  This involved them sodomizing the boys and forcing them to perform oral sex on them, they told police.  The investigation into the Zulocks also revealed they were communicating with two other pedophiles Hunter Lawless and Luis Vizcarro-Sanchez about the abuse of their boys.  Arrest documents said Zachary Zulock messaged Lawless on Snapchat that he was going to 'f**k his son' and to 'stand by.' Lawless also told police the Zulocks offered their boys up to him 'multiple times.'  Lawless was arrested after downloading a large amount of child porn that was traced by police to his Gmail address. Lawless admitted he received child sex abuse material from Zachary and was later sentenced to 20 years in prison, with the first 12 to be served in prison.  Incriminating messages from Zachary were also Vizcarro-Sanchez's phone. He pleaded guilty to pandering for a person under 18.  After also pleading guilty to the unrelated crime of stealing computers from his workplace, Vizcarro-Sanchez was sentenced to 60 years, the first 15 of which will be served in prison.  The couple was able to adopt their two sons, who are 12 and 10 years old now, despite Zachary having been accused of raping another boy in 2011. That allegation was reported to police but never investigated by prosecutors thoroughly enough to warrant charges. Zachary Zulock and William Zulock were raising their sons in an affluent Atlanta suburb for the roughly three years they had custody of them.  Zachary worked for a local bank branch while William worked for a local government customer service center, but somehow the couple were raking in $7,500-a-week.  They were able to build their dream home in an area where similar properties sell for $900,000. Behind their façade of a happy family living in a beautiful home was the reality that they were regularly raping their children.  Zachary and William adopted the boys from foster care. The boys, then five and three, had been removed from their heroin-addicted parents and placed in foster care.  The pair said the abuse and the filming of that abuse occurred between 2019 and 2021.  In 2021, just a year before they were arrested on heinous sexual abuse allegations, the pair made inquiries about adopting a two-year-old girl. The adoption agency they used was All Gods Children Inc, a now defunct special needs agency in Georgia. It's unclear how extensive their checks were on the pair before they took in the boys.

40

Articles / I was forced to give my son away after he was born in a mother and baby....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on December 12, 2024, 07:09:37 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-14182105/mother-baby-homes-scandal.html

I was forced to give my son away after he was born in a mother and baby home in Ireland it took me 40 years to track him down

    Maria Arbuckle, 62, told the Guardian about the scandal which plagued Ireland
    READ MORE: Our lives are scarred forever by a medical scandal no one talks about in Australia

By ELMIRA TANATAROVA

Published: 12:11, 12 December 2024 | Updated: 12:20, 12 December 2024

One woman has laid bare the pain of being forced to give her baby away aged 18 and spending 40 years trying to look for him.  Maria Arbuckle, 62, candidly recounted her experiences with Ireland's mother and baby homes, which were designed to provide refuge for unwed mothers - but were years later embroiled in scandal after it emerged the institutions produced high levels of infant mortality, misogyny and stigmatisation of some of society's most vulnerable.  Speaking to The Guardian, she said even though she knew she wanted her child, 'everybody else was telling her she couldn't keep him'.

The campaigner, originally from Derry, has been outspoken about her traumatic experiences with the homes.  Aged 18, Maria met a 19-year-old singer musician who had a penchant for 'Irish rebel songs' and before long, she was shocked to find herself pregnant, never having been 'taught the facts of life'.  The romance didn't last more than six months, and the pregnant teen who was barely making any money in her traineeship with a bookmaker went to St Patrick's mother and baby home in Dublin.  'Psychologists have diagnosed me with complex PTSD [post‑traumatic stress disorder]. They think my time there must have been so traumatic that I blocked it out,' she told the outlet.

Maria says however that she remembers feeling 'terrified' and 'alone' just before giving birth.   After her baby, who she called Paul, after her brother, was born, official records given to Maria in 2021, sent by the Irish child and family agency, claimed she 'wouldn't rest' and 'wasn't being compliant' with the nuns, hence she had to be 'taken away from the situation'.  Maria found herself 'removed' from the home, and didn't see her baby boy until three months later in April, 1981 - for one last time, before signing the adoption papers through tears.  She explained: 'I always thought that I didn't want children that I didn't want to bring a child into the world that I'd grown up in. But I knew when I was carrying him that I wanted him. It was everybody else that was telling me I couldn't keep him.'

While Maria admitted that she was not in a good position to parent Paul, 'things could have been different' if she knew about the support which was available to her.  In 2021, Ireland's ex-premier Micheal Martin apologised to the victims of the mother and baby homes scandal and admitted 'the State failed' after a report found that 9,000 children had died in the institutions over seven decades.  The then Taoiseach had earlier been accused of 'whitewashing' the findings by campaigners who said the report shifted blame from those who ran the homes on to society at large.  He offered a profound apology on behalf of the Irish government, telling the victims: 'Each of you is blameless, each of you did nothing wrong and has nothing to be ashamed of.'

In a speech in the Irish parliament, the Dail, Mr Martin said: 'I apologise for the shame and stigma which they were subjected to and which, for some, remains a burden to this day.'

After her baby, who she called Paul, after her brother, was born, official records given to Maria in 2021, sent by the Irish child and family agency, claimed she 'wouldn't rest' and 'wasn't being compliant' with the nuns, hence she had to be 'taken away from the situation'.  Maria found herself 'removed' from the home, and didn't see her baby boy until three months later in April, 1981 for one last time, before signing the adoption papers through tears.   She explained: 'I always thought that I didn't want children that I didn't want to bring a child into the world that I'd grown up in. But I knew when I was carrying him that I wanted him. It was everybody else that was telling me I couldn't keep him.'

While Maria admitted that she was not in a good position to parent Paul, 'things could have been different' if she knew about the support which was available to her.  In 2021, Ireland's ex-premier Micheal Martin apologised to the victims of the mother and baby homes scandal and admitted 'the State failed' after a report found that 9,000 children had died in the institutions over seven decades.  The then Taoiseach had earlier been accused of 'whitewashing' the findings by campaigners who said the report shifted blame from those who ran the homes on to society at large.  He offered a profound apology on behalf of the Irish government, telling the victims: 'Each of you is blameless, each of you did nothing wrong and has nothing to be ashamed of.'

In a speech in the Irish parliament, the Dail, Mr Martin said: 'I apologise for the shame and stigma which they were subjected to and which, for some, remains a burden to this day.'

Tragically, horror struck Maria again shortly after her reunion with Paul as another one of her sons, Tony was killed aged 38 last October.  As reported by ITV, he was murdered in a brutal knife attack by his friend Nicholas Ward, 38, who was jailed for life with a minimum term of 21 years.  Maria has been vocal in her past struggles with the mother and baby homes. Earlier this year, she was among those calling for survivors of the scandal and families of all victims who died deserve the chance to apply for compensation.  Speaking to the BBC, she said: 'We’re getting older, and the truth needs to be out there.   We weren’t allowed to bond with our babies because we were told they weren’t our even though we were meant to bathe them and feed them every day.'

In June, consultations kicked off on proposals to establish an inquiry into the institutions.  The 2,865-page document published three years ago lifted the lid on years of abuse in homes for unmarried and pregnant Irish women.  Some of the institutions were owned and run by the local health authorities the county homes Pelletstown, Tuam and Kilrush.  Others were owned and run by religious orders; for example, the three homes run by the Congregation of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary, Bessborough, Sean Ross and Castlepollard (the Sacred Heart homes).  Many of the women suffered emotional abuse and were often subject to denigration and derogatory remarks, the commission of investigation's report said.  Studying the homes over a 76-year period through 1998, the CIMBH determined that 9,000 children died in them, or 15 per cent of those who passed through.   The report says 56,000 unmarried mothers and 57,000 children passed through the homes examined.   Many of the women received little or no ante-natal care.  The report gave no single explanation for the deaths, but said 'the major identifiable causes were respiratory infections and gastroenteritis.'

It also highlighted a total of seven unethical vaccine trials on children in the institutions between 1934 and 1973.  Meanwhile women of the period who gave birth outside marriage were 'subject to particularly harsh treatment' at the hands of families and partners.  The CIMBH was established in 2015, after an amateur historian uncovered evidence of a potential mass grave of infants at one such home in the town of Tuam.

Babies 'carried out in shoe boxes to be buried': The stories behind the mother and baby homes

St Patrick's Navan Road, Dublin, 1919-1998

The majority of the 18,829 children admitted to St Patrick's Navan Road were alone at the time of their death.  Originally known as Pelletstown and later operated as Eglinton House, this institution was run by the Daughters of Charity who were employed by the relevant local authority at the time.  A total of 15,382 women and 18,829 children were admitted here between 1919 and 1998, according to commission's report.  Facilities at Pelletstown were described as 'inadequate' with just four lavatories provided for 140 women in 1950. In 1966, women were sleeping in dormitories with 52 and 30 beds respectively that offered no privacy.  A total of 3,615 children died; 78% of deaths occurred between 1920 and 1942, but unlike at many mother and baby homes, the burials of these infants are properly recorded in Glasnevin Cemetery.

Belmont Flatlets, Donnybrook, Dublin, 1980-2001

This was not a traditional mother and baby home but rather a hostel type short-term accommodation for a small number of women and children, about nine or ten at any one time.  It was opened by the Daughters of Charity and was financially supported by the Eastern Health Board. The women lived independently, but got support from social workers and public health nurses.  The commission stated: 'The mothers were there with their babies and left with their babies so the issue of tracing would not have arisen.'

Kilrush Nursery, Co. Clare, 1922-1932

The commission estimates that there were between 300 and 400 unmarried mothers and a much larger number of children in the west Clare facility.  It was run by the Congregation of the Sisters of Mercy nuns up to 1928, and afterwards by lay staff, and conditions were described as 'very poor', with leaking roofs, no baths, and no inside sanitary accommodation.  The mothers who lived there were also described as neglected, with no proper clothing or comfort of any kind.  The number of child deaths in this institution, however, is not known, but the medical officer described the death rate in 1927 as 'appalling'.

Bessborough House, Co. Cork, 1922-1998

The burial sites of the 923 children who died here still remain a mystery, largely due to the failings of local health authorities.  A total of 9,768 women and 8,938 children passed through the institution's doors, run by the Congregation of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary.  One young mother described how she was stripped of her name, belongings and life's savings when she became a resident.  'It would have been impossible to leave; all of our things had been confiscated, we had no clothes and no money,' she said.

'From time to time we were allowed outside, but were always escorted by nuns.  They marched us around like soldiers.'

Sean Ross, Roscrea, Co. Tipperary, 1931-1969

The Sean Ross mother and baby home was among the homes run by the Congregation of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary.  Within 38 years, 6,414 women were admitted and 6,079 babies were born there.  One such resident was Philomena Lee, whose story was turned into an award-winning film in 2013. During her stay, her son was forcibly taken from her and adopted by US parents in the 1950s. A total of 1,090 of the 6,079 babies who were born or admitted at Sean Ross had died, but the registers of burials were not maintained.  However, there is a burial ground, and the commission has established the remains of some children under the age of one are buried in coffins there.

Castlepollard, Co. Westmeath, 1935-1971

Several women told the commission of investigation that they witnessed nuns leaving the hospital with up to ten dead babies in shoe boxes and bringing them for burial on the grounds nearby. The burial sites were later marked by the presence of nails in the wall of a cemetery nearby.   The facility was run by the Congregations of the Sacred Heart, and a total of 4,559 babies were born here, but there is no register of burials for the 247 infants who died.

Regina Coeli, North Brunswick Street, Dublin, 1930-1998

A total of 734 children had died at this hostel accommodation with the peak of mortalities occurring in the early 1940s.  A 1948 report claimed that infant mortality at the facility was three times the rate in Pelletstown and that the hostel lacked 'almost every proper facility in regard to both nursing and structure'.

Dunboyne, Co. Meath, 1955-1991

The Dunboyne Mother and Baby home had the highest proportion of women under 18, with minors making up 23.4% of admissions.  Over one in ten admissions to Dunboyne were aged between 12 and 16, which was under the legal age of consent. There were a total of 3,156 mothers and 1,148 children, with 37 infant mortalities.

Bethany, Dublin city and Rathgar, 1922-1971

This facility was run mainly for Protestant women, and a total of 262 children associated with the Bethany Home in Dublin died. During its 50-year operation in Blackhall Place and later Rathgar, this mother and baby home accommodated 1,584 women and 1,376 children.  The commission found that the decision to no longer admit Catholic women meant that it was less overcrowded than the other mother and baby homes in the 1940s.

Other homes mentioned in the report included: Denny House (formerly the Magdalen Asylum), 1765-1994; Miss Carr's Flatlets, Dublin, 1972-present; St Gerard's, Dublin, 1919-1939; Cork County Home, 1921-1960; Kilkenny County Home, Thomastown, 1922-1960.