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81

Articles / Adoption: Woman recalls prejudice she faced as a child

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 04, 2024, 03:51:33 PM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-berkshire-67137721

Adoption: Woman recalls prejudice she faced as a child

Published 18 October 2023

By Minreet Kaur
BBC

A woman abandoned as a newborn baby by a roadside in Uganda has recalled the "stigma" of growing up as an adopted child in the 1960s and 1970s.  Bharti Dhir was found in a fruit box by a passer-by in the town of Kabale in 1960 before being adopted by a Sikh family.  At the age of seven she accidentally discovered she was adopted.  Now living in Reading, Berkshire, she is helping families starting their own journeys of adopting children.  Ms Dhir, 63, remembers the moment when she inadvertently stumbled upon details of her background at the family home in Uganda.  "I went into my father's office and saw some scraps of paper with my name on it and I saw the words 'adopted' and 'abandoned'," she said.

"Growing up a lot of people in school would say 'you know that's not your real family' this was hurtful as my parents never wanted me to feel I was any different to their other children."

Ms Dhir said children like her, with dual Indian-African heritage were "looked down on".

'An insult'

She remembers comments to her parents like "by adopting an African child you must have had an affair" and "this will bring dishonour on the family".

"People didn't understand why they adopted me as they saw me as a stranger's child," she said.

"I always felt that if you're dark and have curly hair it's not a good thing and this had a huge impact on my sense of self-worth.  "As a child, I felt I was ugly and not a beautiful person, and it was only in my 30s I changed this perception of myself."

The family fled Uganda in the early 1970s with thousands of others in the Asian community, forced out by dictator Idi Amin.  Arriving in the UK the family were among the refugees housed at a camp at Newbury, but she experienced the same prejudices.  "People would say to my mum 'she is very dark; can you give her this skin lightening cream can you straighten her hair?'.  This is an insult I felt and I refused to change the way I look for a partner and I wasn't prepared to put up with it."

She has since documented her experiences in her autobiography, and is now working to help other families in the local Asian community on their adoption journeys.

'Embrace adoption'

"It's more popular to adopt within a family rather than someone outside, as you've kept it within the family and you know exactly what the background is," she said.

She has met three Asian families who have adopted outside of their extended family, one of whom is a friend.  She added: "They consider it a blessing and see the children as their own.  I am now helping the South Asian community to embrace adoption and am there to offer any support or advice.  I can see adoption is becoming less of a stigma but we still have a long way to go before it is fully accepted within our community."

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Articles / Mother and baby homes: NI-born survivor 'abandoned again'

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on October 02, 2024, 12:28:08 PM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-68556291

Mother and baby homes: NI-born survivor 'abandoned again'

Published 18 March

By Eimear Flanagan BBC News NI

A woman from Dublin, born into a mother and baby home in Northern Ireland, has said she feels "abandoned again" because she is excluded from a new compensation scheme.  Sinead Buckley was born in 1972 to an unmarried woman from the Republic of Ireland.  At that time her mother, Eileen, was living in Marianvale in Newry.  A midwife in Dublin, Eileen came north because of the fear and stigma associated with being a single mother.  Marianvale was one of a network of institutions across the island of Ireland which housed unmarried women and their babies at a time when pregnancy outside marriage was viewed as scandalous.  After the birth in Newry's Daisy Hill Hospital, an adoption agency in the Republic arranged for Eileen's baby to be adopted by a family in Dublin.  Ms Buckley grew up and still lives in Dublin, but never got to meet her birth mother.  Eileen died during a Covid lockdown which meant she endured the heartbreak of watching her mother's funeral over the internet.  This week, the Republic of Ireland will open an €800m (£684m) redress scheme, external for survivors of its own mother and baby homes.  Ms Buckley is one of thousands of Irish adoptees who will not qualify, despite her decades-long battle with the Irish state to access her birth identity and family medical history.  "I grew up with a sense of rejection and abandonment and I feel like I've just been completely abandoned again," she told BBC News NI.

"I used to be proud to be Irish, I'm not anymore. I'm not Irish what I am?"

Ireland's Department of Children said that Marianvale was outside the Republic's jurisdiction, adding there were "processes ongoing in Northern Ireland to respond to these legacy issues".

But as a Dubliner, born to parents from the Republic, Ms Buckley said she cannot understand why she is excluded from the Irish redress scheme "because I was born a few miles over the border and adopted back here".

Who qualifies for compensation?

Under the rules, mothers who spent even one night in an eligible institution in the Republic will receive compensation.  Payments start at €5,000 (£4,275) and rise incrementally based on length of stay, external.  But former child residents only qualify if they spent six months or more in homes.   Marianvale is not on the list of eligible institutions, but even if it was, Ms Buckley would still not be entitled to compensation because it appears she was resident for less than six months.  "I wish someone would explain the six-month thing to me because we've suffered through life," she said.

"There's absolutely no humanity in this decision."

She added she paid Irish taxes all her life and now the Irish state "isn't recognising me".  "For me it's not about the money, it's about the principle," she said. "I want to be vindicated."

'Where do I belong?'

Adoption records show her mother was engaged to a Tipperary man when she became pregnant, but Eileen's family opposed her relationship.  When she entered Marianvale, her fiancé was not even told he was about to become a father.  The adoption was arranged by Cunamh, formerly known as the Catholic Protection and Rescue Society of Ireland.   "If the adoption was arranged from counties in the south and agencies in the south run by convents and nuns in the south and women from the south were in there and the children were adopted back into the south it's just a loophole to get out of paying anybody money," Ms Buckley said.

Border babies

Her cross-border journey was not unique.  A recent report into Northern Ireland's mother and baby homes, external calculated that more than 550 babies were moved to the Republic between 1930 and 1990.  "Here in the north, the campaigners have been calling for their public inquiry and redress for more than a decade," said solicitor Claire McKeegan, who acts on behalf of survivors of institutional abuse in Northern Ireland.

In 2021, Stormont's leaders agreed to hold a public inquiry into mother and baby homes, Magdalene laundries and workhouses north of the border.  But two and a half years on, that inquiry is still to be legally established.  "Obviously with the collapse of Stormont, the legislation hasn't happened for them and many survivors and victims are no longer with us," Ms McKeegan said.

The solicitor is due to meet First Minister Michelle O'Neill about the issue next month and said the message from survivors will be: "It must be done and it must be done now."

For Ms Buckley though, it was the Republic's secretive adoption system which she had to fight all her life.  As a teenager she suffered serious health issues and baffled doctors ran lots of tests because they could not access her family medical records.  "My mother told me that at one stage they thought it was leukaemia and that the doctors had been trying to ring the adoption agency just to try and get some history.  They were like: 'This girl is really sick, we need to know.'  And they were just met with closed doors."

Aged 43, Ms Buckley was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis (MS), a condition she later found out runs in her birth family.  She believes she missed out on earlier diagnosis and treatment due to her lack of rights to birth information when she was a teenager.  A new Irish law came into force in 2022 which gave all adoptees rights to access their original birth certificate and family medical history, but adoptees complain of long delays with the new system.  How many survivors get compensation?

It has been estimated there are about 58,200 people still alive who spent time in the Republic's mother and baby homes and county homes (institutions which succeeded workhouses).  The Department of Children confirmed its redress scheme will "provide financial payments to an estimated 34,000 people".

But that means just over 40% of survivors some 24,000 people cannot apply because of the six-month rule.  Awarding payments and medical benefits to all surviving residents would have doubled the cost of the scheme.  "The exclusions are vast and it really is extremely unfair," said Dr Maeve O'Rourke.

The human rights lecturer recently helped design the framework for investigating homes in Northern Ireland.  Dr O'Rourke argued the Republic's 2015-2021 mother and baby homes investigation, external was too narrowly focused and has resulted in a restricted redress scheme.  She said there should have been a wider investigation into adoption across all of society, including the role of adoption agencies, maternity hospitals, "forced family separations" and illegal birth registrations.  "Unfortunately, and perhaps to limit its ultimate financial liability, the Irish government insisted that it would be limited to mother and baby institutions and a sample of county homes," she added.

Ms Buckley took part in a 2021 public consultation, external in which survivors and interested parties gave views on the design of the redress scheme.  Most survivors stressed loss of the mother/child bond was the most important factor that required redress, not the time spent in homes.  Ms Buckley shared her own experience during the consultation but was shocked when she realised Marianvale residents would not be part of the settlement.  "I couldn't stop crying. We bared our souls at that thing, you know? We told them how this has affected us mentally," she said.

"For saving a few quid, we're just collateral damage."

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Articles / Finding out at 87 who mum and dad were

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 30, 2024, 11:25:14 AM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/crkd4em7eelo

Finding out at 87 who mum and dad were

Steven McKenzie
BBC Scotland Highlands and Islands reporter

Published 19 September 2024

Updated 20 September 2024

A woman who was adopted in the 1930s has, at the age of 87, discovered the identities of her birth parents and met living relatives she never knew she had.  Gladys Johnston was three when she was adopted from an Irish orphanage and brought up in the Scottish Highlands as an only child.  At the age of 12 she found out she was adopted, but it has not been until now that she learned who both her parents were, with help from family in Scotland and BBC Alba documentary-makers.  Gladys said she wished she had met her half-sisters many years ago but added: "We are going to have to make the most of what we have left."

Gladys' mother, Catherine Kearney, was a servant working at a boarding house in Drogheda in Ireland when she became pregnant.  The father was a married man and it is believed he was unaware of the pregnancy, leaving Catherine to raise their child on her own.  Catherine gave birth in an orphanage in Dublin and, because of attitudes at the time about children born out of wedlock, she was coerced into giving Gladys up for adoption.  She was three years old when she was adopted by Mary and Duncan Cameron who lived in Ardtoe, a small community on Lochaber's Ardnamurchan peninsula.  Gladys, who raised her own family in Scotland, told BBC Radio's Good Morning Scotland programme: "When I was quite young I was told the people I was living with weren't my parents.  That was some blow to me. I just couldn't cope."

Gladys did not let on to her adopted parents she knew.  She said: "The parents that adopted me were absolutely lovely people. I never wanted to upset them in any way.  I carried this suffering with me for a long time, thinking each day I might get there but certainly not doing anything while they were alive because they were so good to me.  They gave me such a good upbringing and I was so happy there."

Eight years ago, with help from documentary-makers, Gladys traced her mother in Ireland. Sadly, Catherine had died just a few months earlier.  Gladys did discover that her mum had married and had another daughter.  But the search drew a blank on her dad.  She said: "I thought 'this is just half the journey. I’ve traced my mother but it would be wonderful to find out who my father was'.  And it bothered me a lot."

She added: "I yearned to find out who my father was before I died."

Last year, Mrs Johnston was encouraged by a granddaughter to do a DNA test offered by an Ancestry website.  The results, along with further research, led Gladys to discovering the identity of her father, Irishman Joseph Quinn, and finding two half-sisters called Mari and Annette.  It is not known how Joseph met Catherine, but it is believed he met her while travelling for his work as an electrician.  Gladys, who travelled to Ireland to visit her father's grave and is in regular contact with her sisters, said she felt relieved to finally know who her birth parents were.  She said: "I have joined a lovely, lovely family.  I never saw my mother during this lifetime, and likewise, I never saw my father during his lifetime.  I am so pleased to have found out who he was. And now, I feel at peace."

84

Articles / Film spotlights 'life-long' impact of adoption

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 30, 2024, 11:11:10 AM »

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cm2y4ng1nedo

Film spotlights 'life-long' impact of adoption

Rachel Candlin
BBC News, West of England

Published 28 September 2024

Two women, who were adopted as babies, have shared their stories to spotlight the "life-long impact" of adoption.  Adele Gardner and Grace Payne feature in a documentary directed by Rwandan-born adoptee, Louise Ndibwirende, who wanted to challenge the assumption that "the adoption process ends with the paperwork".

Speak Little One: The World is Listening is being screened at The Watershed on 28 September for "underrepresented" adoptees and others with experience of adoption.  Alison Woodhead, from Adoption UK, said: "More needs to be done to highlight the voices and views of adoptees; they should be front and centre when it comes to reforming the adoption system."

Ms Payne, 28, who was adopted at 18 months due to China's one-chid policy, said: "I got involved in the documentary because I have a passion for advocating for adoptees and promoting more awareness and discussion around the difficult subject of adoption.  Being adopted has massively shaped who I am today and I feel proud of my identity. To feature in the documentary is an honour and something I’ll never forget as an incredible display of adoptee solidarity."

"The documentary shines a light on the reality of adoption, a topic often overlooked, whitewashed, and even stigmatised in our society," said Ms Ndibwirende, who was adopted into a French family at the age of three.

"I wanted to create a safe platform for adoptees to share the emotional and sometimes traumatic reality of adoption, so any adoptee who feels their experiences differ to the 'happy-ever-after' narrative knows they are not alone.  Actually there's often a lot of grief for everyone, and especially for the adoptive child and that follows them through different chapters of their life; with relationships, friendships and finding their identity and culture.  These stories deserve to be told without shame or judgement, and I was really passionate about making sure those voices were heard," she said.

Ms Gardner, 67, was adopted at three months in the 1950s when unmarried mothers were encouraged to give up their babies.  "To those who who are not adopted its complexities often remain invisible.  Louise’s brave decision to make her first documentary on this subject encouraged me to want to be part of it. By sharing our journeys as adoptees I hope we can shine a light on identity, adoption and ownership of the self," she said.

Adoption UK is an organisation dedicated to supporting people across the adoption community.  Ms Woodhead, director of Public Affairs and Communications, said: "Most adoptees tell us that adoption has cast both light and shade on their lives.  Ms Ndibwirende is absolutely right that more needs to be done to highlight the voices and views of adoptees. They should be front and centre when it comes to reforming the adoption system and children’s social care.  That’s definitely a shift the sector is trying to make, but adoptee perspectives have been ignored for decades and change is happening too slowly."

Adoptee voices heard

Ms Ndibwirende, 35, who was adopted into a French family aged three years, said interracial adoption added another layer of complexity.  For me personally, it can cause an identity crisis and challenge in terms of sense of self, which is really hard to unpack.  Looking for my birth family also kind of flipped the life that I had up until that point.  There's a narrative that once you've found your biological family, it's this kind of happy ever after, but it can be peak existential crisis," she said.

"The impacts can last a lifetime. That’s why we’re campaigning for lifelong support for adoptees, to make sure that adoption gives them the best possible chance to thrive," added Ms Woodhead.

Anyone with experience of adoption, especially adoptees, are being invited to the screening on 28 September and to take part in a question and answer session.

85

Articles / Forced adoption victim seeks truth from pope Lieve Soens was a product of birth

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 28, 2024, 11:13:13 AM »

https://tribune.net.ph/2024/09/27/forced-adoption-victim-seeks-truth-from-pope

Forced adoption victim seeks truth from pope
Lieve Soens was a product of birth under X system.

Published on:
Sep 27, 2024, 17:39

KUURNE, Belgium (AFP) — The stain of Catholic child abuse looms over Pope Francis’ visit to Belgium this week, but a lesser-known scandal still roils the country: the “forced adoption” of newborns taken from their mothers, with nuns’ complicity.  Lieve Soens was adopted by a Belgian couple in 1974, shortly after she was born in Dunkirk, northern France, to a woman who opted to remain anonymous under a system known as giving birth “under X.”  Now 50, Soens is still trying to understand how her biological mother a teenager at the time was taken by nuns from Lommel in Belgium to Dunkirk, more than 200 kilometers away, to deliver a baby she would never see again.  In her decades-long quest to find her roots, Soens had the support of her adoptive parents.  They were convinced, she says, that they were doing the right thing by taking in an unwanted baby.  They showed her documents from 1974 including her birth certificate mentioning her adoption and change of name, and a bill from the private clinic where she was born.  After they passed away some 20 years ago, she ramped up her efforts.  “I don’t want to hurt anyone, I just want the truth,” she said, while acknowledging her “anger towards the Church, the nuns and the clinic” who all played a role.

Soens is among the guests expected on Friday at Laeken palace, the royal residence where Francis is to deliver a speech to the Belgian nation.

Church apology

In 2023, the Flemish newspaper Het Laatste Nieuws published the hard-hitting testimony of multiple victims of forced adoption, including a mother whose newborn had been taken from her.  The paper’s investigation estimated that Belgian nuns had been involved in around 30,000 such cases between 1945 and 1980.  Most of the births were in Belgium, but 3,000 to 4,000 pregnant women were taken to France. There, the “under X” system erases all filial link between mother and child, said Binnenlands Geadopteerd, a support group for the victims of forced adoptions.  Most cases involved young, unmarried women some of them victims of rape or incest whose parents wanted their pregnancy kept under wraps.  The parents would make contact with Church officials, who provided the link to families wishing to adopt.  The Belgian conference of bishops has formally apologized on several occasions over the scandal when it first erupted in 2015 and again last year.

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Articles / Bessborough mother and baby home should have been bought by the State, Tánaiste

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 25, 2024, 10:02:26 AM »

https://www.breakingnews.ie/ireland/bessborough-mother-and-baby-home-should-have-been-bought-by-the-state-tanaiste-says-1674516.html?utm_campaign=article&fbclid=IwY2xjawFgsENleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHY5wr-MSskhLfed8wOHVvPDrmZDowCoDytIwy1urFl4SqzGGIfYPIubZ6A_aem_eXW8672be1CameFjKhr_Gg

Bessborough mother and baby home should have been bought by the State, Tánaiste says
ireland

20/09/2024 | 14:48 PM

Olivia Kelleher

Tánaiste Micheál Martin has indicated that he has always been of the view that the State should have purchased Bessborough, the former mother and baby home in Cork, for conversion into a memorial or amenity site.

This week a decision made by Cork City Council to refuse planning permission for a proposed 92 unit residential development at Bessborough in Blackrock in the city was upheld by An Bord Pleanála.

The planning authority backed the decision of the local authority because of the historical landscape and potential human remains at the grounds.

Speaking in Cork, Mr Martin said that options should be explored in relation to the use of the site.

“I was always of a view that the local authority with the State should have purchased that site and have a proper memorialisation but also see if we could do things on a planned basis. It is a beautiful area. It can potentially be a very strong amenity area for the area as well, but that was always my view on it.

"I felt at the time that maybe the local authority should have got involved earlier and pre-empted what happened and bought it because there are medical facilities, or HSE facilities on the site," he said.

"There are a variety of facilities on the site, and it is a natural area and a green area as well, and we need to look at that as well."

Meanwhile, Bessborough became notorious for the cruelty and neglect of mothers and their babies.

Of the more than 900 babies who died at Bessborough or in Cork hospitals having been transferred from the mother and baby home over the course of seven decades, less than 70 have known burial sites.

Survivors of the home have broadly welcomed the decision by An Bord Pleanála to deny planning for building on the site.

Carmel, whose mother gave birth to a boy who died in Bessborough, told Red FM News of her delight at the decision by the planning authority.

"I'm delighted it is being refused. All the grounds potentially have burials in them. It is not just one particular area.

There hasn't been an investigation to establish whether there is a mass grave or where the children are but what we do know is that there is witnesses that have witnessed burials take place."

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Articles / The almost unbelievable life-changing coincidence that led me to my birth ....c

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 22, 2024, 01:47:20 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/you/article-13859615/The-unbelievable-life-changing-coincidence-led-birth-family-revealed-Coronation-Streets-SUE-CLEAVER.html

The almost unbelievable life-changing coincidence that led me to my birth family, revealed by Coronation Street's SUE CLEAVER

By Julia Llewellyn Smith For You Magazine

Published: 08:01, 21 September 2024 | Updated: 08:01, 21 September 2024

Sue Cleaver is one of those women who appear to have it all worked out. Best known for her role as Eileen Grimshaw in Coronation Street (a part she has played for almost 25 years), at 61 she’s glamorous and quick-witted, with a huge appetite for life, as confirmed two years ago by her appearing on I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! ‘Now it’s my time to have adventures,’ she says. ‘Fear is not a good enough excuse.’

Yet as a young woman Cleaver was profoundly unhappy. ‘We didn’t have the vocabulary to describe how I felt but I would say I was depressed. My life felt desperate.’

At ten days old, Cleaver was given up for adoption by her 17-year-old single mother. She was in a ‘handover’ home for a short spell before a young couple called Freda and John Cleaver, together with their five-year-old son Paul, took her home.  Despite then being brought up by ‘very loving’ parents, she always felt an outsider, partly because her mother had advised her not to tell other children she was adopted. ‘Mum did it to protect me, as she knew other kids could be horrible, but it left me with feelings of shame,’ she says. ‘I do think most adopted people carry a sense of otherness, of something missing, and perhaps you carry that sense of being unwanted.’

It was all exacerbated by the fact that her parents (both boarding-school teachers) moved from school to school. For five years she lived in the grounds of Gordonstoun, where Prince Andrew was a pupil and where her dog once bit the visiting Queen’s chauffeur: ‘The Queen wound her window down and said, “Did he just bite him?” She seemed to find it funny.’

Cleaver became increasingly troubled, losing her virginity aged 14 and becoming promiscuous. Leaving school aged 16 without qualifications, she fell in and out of jobs before getting pregnant by a 35 year old and having a termination. She went to Canada to work as a nanny six weeks later, aged 17, hating the job but experiencing an epiphany after seeing a friend’s amateur play. ‘I thought, “This is shockingly bad. I could do this better. That’s what I’ll do go home and go to drama school.” Mum thought it was just another madcap idea, but I did it.’

While in Canada, Cleaver also visited a psychic. ‘I don’t even believe in any of that, but she said, “You’ll find your birth mother and you won’t even have to look for her.” I still have the tape recording.’

She thought little more of the encounter, came home and won a place at the Manchester Metropolitan School of Theatre. In her second year, aged 23, she got a tiny part in the play Oedipus at Manchester’s Royal Exchange. ‘I couldn’t have known but that would rock my entire world,’ she says.

During rehearsals she became friendly with Michael N Harbour, an actor who was 41. ‘I had no idea Michael was saying to the stage manager, “My god, Sue’s the absolute double of my wife when I met her, aged 18.”

Once, at a party, he started taking the mickey out of my [northern] accent. I said, “Actually, I’ve cultivated this I’m not from round here.”

He asked where I was born.  I said, “Barnet [North London].”

He started staring at my hands. I thought, “This is weird.”  ‘Then he asked me what my date of birth was. I told him and carried on talking to someone else. Unbeknownst to me he’d gone to a phone box. He rang his wife and said, “I’ve found her.”’

By sheer chance, Cleaver, who relates all of this in her new memoir A Work in Progress, had befriended the husband of her birth mother, Lesley Sizer Grieve, an actress. Five years after giving Cleaver up, Grieve married Harbour and had two daughters, Kate and Emma, with him.  When Harbour told Grieve of his discovery, she was shaken and told him to let things be, as Cleaver might not have even known she was adopted. A couple of nights later, Cleaver, Harbour and another cast member, Leonard, went for dinner. Cleaver started telling Leonard about being adopted, adding she’d never wanted to find her birth mother.  ‘It felt disloyal to my parents and I never wanted to hurt them. Plus, I’d heard stories of people who’d traced their parents and their mother was a prostitute or they’d been turned away on the doorstep.’

Harbour became so agitated that Cleaver joked to Leonard: ‘Maybe he’s my dad.’ At the end of the meal, Harbour told her they had to talk. ‘He drove me to my flat and told me I’d been born Claire and he was married to my [birth] mother. I was so shocked, so confused, just full of adrenaline, not knowing what to do.’

Soon after, Cleaver arranged to meet her birth mother, Grieve, at a hotel. ‘Michael came up in the lift with me and said, “Right, you’re on your own now.” I walked terrified down the corridor. It was like the scene in the film Poltergeist where the more I walked, the further away the door seemed to be. Lesley opened the door and we hugged, without saying a word. That night is a blur, but I saw her again the next day.’

For a while, she says, ‘It was weird between us. Neither of us knew quite how to deal with it it was like falling in love. We wanted to be on the phone to each other all the time. Everyone else was like, “Isn’t this amazing?” But at a certain point it became too much.’

Cleaver felt shaken at her life taking this sudden new path, and for Grieve the reunion while happy revived painful memories. In the summer that year, Cleaver went on holiday to Cornwall with Grieve and her family, but invented an excuse to leave early. Again it was that otherness she felt so different to her birth family.  For about six months Grieve and Cleaver didn’t see each other. ‘We both needed space. It had been such a whirlwind. We were such an amazing story that Michael would regale friends about it at dinner parties. To us it was like, “Hang on, there are two human beings in this!” But then we drifted back on our own terms and from then we had a wonderful relationship.’

Cleaver stayed close to Grieve until she died aged 74, in 2020. She’s also good friends with her half-sisters, who are both actresses. But the discovery hasn’t lessened her relationship with her parents or her brother Paul. ‘Lesley never felt like my mum I’ve only ever had one mum [Freda] and she was so warm and generous. There was no jealousy; she welcomed Lesley with open arms and told her she could visit any time. She took all my baby pictures out of the album to send to her. When Lesley and Michael visited my parents at home, they set up a slideshow of me as a baby it was probably too much for Lesley!’

Still, Cleaver enjoyed deducing which parts of her came from which of her ‘families’. ‘The theatrics are definitely down to my birth family and my emotional side,’ she tells me. ‘But my “nurture” side is practical and I’m down-to-earth like my parents.’

In May 2000, Cleaver won the part of Eileen Grimshaw in Coronation Street, watched by 12 million people an episode at its peak. She enjoyed that rare thing: a regular acting job, which meant that her son Elliott, now 28, with her ex-husband, actor James Quinn, grew up in the same Manchester home, with none of the childhood moves she’d experienced.  But finding her birth mother wasn’t the magic cure for Cleaver’s angst, and she continued to be plagued by self-doubt. She found fame challenging and hated being recognised in public. ‘Once I was walking with elephants in [Botswana’s] Okavango Delta and a ranger raised his gun and called, “Hello, Eileen.’’ I handled that kind of thing badly. The thought of people wanting to get to know me as Sue freaked me out because I always felt lacking.’

She became so fascinated by human psychology that in 2015, she qualified as a psychotherapist, fitting the training around her acting job. It was for her own satisfaction, she’s never practised.  Yet today Cleaver has a more confident view on life. She has remarried (Corrie lighting technician Brian Owen), while Elliott has left home to work designing 3D images for video games. Now she wants to share her experiences with other women. ‘I’ve learnt to listen to my inner wisdom,’ she says. ‘For so long I thought I was broken and weak. Writing the book made me see how resilient I am.’
 
A Work in Progress by Sue Cleaver will be published by Bloomsbury this Thursday, £20. To pre-order a copy for £17 until 6 October, go to mailshop.co.uk/books or call 020 3176 2937. Free UK delivery on orders over £25

88

Articles / Babies have grown up not knowing they were adopted after forced practice

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 20, 2024, 03:57:43 PM »

https://www.gloucestershirelive.co.uk/news/gloucester-news/babies-grown-up-not-knowing-9560006?fbclid=IwY2xjawFaanFleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHSGlhzw-8xgHt_NERAnRM5IebsVsHAxzMlgNAZB9QPSO_leapjLWSngv7g_aem_PDQjh-Gdpp_ZA2qsvrut3g

Babies have grown up not knowing they were adopted after forced practice

'It is vital that people living in Gloucestershire who are affected by historic forced adoption practices feel supported'

By Kim Horton Senior Reporter

06:00, 18 SEP 2024

A support plan has been put in place to helped those affected by forced adoption practices which spanned for almost 30 years. Between 1949 and 1976 an estimated 185,000 babies in England and Wales were taken from unmarried mothers and placed for adoption due to pressure from their families and society.  Evidence from across the UK suggests that many of the adoptions during this time were ‘closed’, meaning that children were given new names, identities, and birth certificates, were not informed that they were an adoptee and had no ongoing contact with their families. Gloucestershire County Council is working in partnership with Adoption West to ensure any mothers, or children who are now adults, impacted by forced adoption practices have access to readily available support.  The impact of this on women and children should not be underestimated, having lifelong and significantly distressing effects. The county council has commissioned Adoption West, a Regional Adoption Agency who amongst other adoption related activity provide support to adults who were adopted and families affected by forced adoption practices.  Leader of Gloucestershire County Council, Councillor Stephen Davies, said: “It is vital that people living in Gloucestershire who are affected by historic forced adoption practices feel supported. At times, they may need help and advice from professionals who understand adoption, which is why I would encourage anyone who has been affected by these practices to get in touch with Adoption West so that they can receive the help they need.”

Adoption West can support adopted adults, birth parents and birth relatives affected by historic adoptions in the 1950s, 1960s and 1970s.

The Adoption West Birth Links Service works with adopted adults and birth parents to provide:

    Support to apply to the Registrar General for the information needed to obtain a certified copy of their birth certificate
    Access to birth record services
    Up to six sessions of emotional support for birth family and adopted adults
    Advice about intermediary services
    Birth parent support groups
    To access support please visit the Adoption West website:
    Adopted Adults - Adoption West or telephone 03303 550 333.

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General Discussion / Panel launch Truth Recovery Report

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 18, 2024, 11:40:32 AM »

https://truthrecoverystrategy.com/2021/10/05/panel-launch-truth-recovery-report/?mibextid=xfxF2i&fbclid=IwY2xjawFXi9BleHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHRCwzWuNZySHX9TtHC3Ue9Fjo_Vl0EIAJIDNJ_DUUdn6t0uxI8dM0hJgew_aem_A3Kltg226owsTIdEpgx9VA

Panel launch Truth Recovery Report
Posted on 5 October 2021 by truthrecovery   

Unprecedented Independent Investigation into Mother and Baby Institutions, Magdalene Laundries and Workhouses recommended in Truth Recovery Design Panel Report.

The Truth Recovery Design Panel appointed to work with victims and survivors, today published extensive Recommendations in a Report to the Northern Ireland Executive. The primary recommendation in the report is to establish an ‘Integrated Investigation’ by a non-statutory Independent Panel feeding into a statutory Public Inquiry. There are also further recommendations for supporting measures to ensure that victims-survivors can participate in the investigation: these include Access to Records legislation and urgent Redress payments.

CLICK HERE to access and download the FULL REPORT by the Truth Recovery Design Panel

CLICK HERE to access and download the EXECUTIVE SUMMARY by the Truth Recovery Design Panel

CLICK HERE for Online Supplemental Report ‘Background Research for the Truth Recovery Design Process – Dr Maeve O’Rourke’

Following all-party agreement in January 2021, the Northern Ireland Executive invited victims and survivors of Mother and Baby Institutions, Magdalene Laundries and Workhouses, to contribute to designing the framework for an independent investigation into the institutions where thousands of girls and women were held and forced into unpaid labour, with many forcibly separated from their babies, during the 20th Century.  The Truth Recovery Design Panel was set up for this process and included the appointment of a Chair, Deirdre Mahon (a Director of Women and Children’s Services and the Executive Director of Social Work in Health and Social Care in NI), along with Dr Maeve O’Rourke (Lecturer in Human Rights, NUI Galway) and Professor Phil Scraton (Professor Emeritus, Queen’s University Belfast).  Following a six-month period of extensive engagement and work by the Truth Recovery Panel, the full report was today launched at Stormont in Belfast, entitled ‘Mother and Baby Institutions, Magdalene Laundries and Workhouses in Northern Ireland Truth, Acknowledgement and Accountability’.

Commenting at the launch of the Report, Chair of the Truth Recovery Design Panel, Deirdre Mahon, said:  “For six months we have worked closely with victims-survivors and relatives who have shared their heart-breaking stories with us and we thank them for their dedicated and tireless pursuit of truth and justice. The Executive’s decision in January, on the Inter-Departmental Working Group’s advice, to decide to set up an investigation and involve victims-and survivors centrally in designing the investigation was a hugely positive step. Nevertheless this decision has come too late for many, and it is essential that these recommendations are acted on without delay.”

Truth Recovery Design Panel member Professor Phil Scraton said: “The Executive required the Panel to recommend a framework of investigation from the breadth and depth of testimonies we received, we propose an unprecedented process, integrating an Independent Panel and a statutory Public Inquiry, alongside access to personal records. We also make recommendations for redress and reparation. Lives and futures lost through the cruelty within these institutions cannot be recovered, but we must acknowledge the inter-generational pain and suffering inflicted on victims, survivors and families. It is now time for that to be recognised and the full truth revealed.”

Dr Maeve O’Rourke, Truth Recovery Design Panel member, said at the launch of the report: “The University of Ulster/Queen’s University Belfast academic research report preceding our work contains clear evidence of gross and systemic human rights abuses in the institutions and related adoption system, including arbitrary detention, degrading treatment, serious infringements of the right to respect for private and family life and discrimination. Victims and survivors continue to describe ongoing abuse, including the disappearance of family members and the denial of identity. It is essential that the human rights of victims, survivors and relatives are at the heart of the forthcoming investigation. Human rights law also requires full access to records and urgent redress and reparation.”

The Truth Recovery Design Panel recommendations to the Northern Ireland Executive are:  Urgent appointment of a non-statutory Independent Panel of experts including those with personal experience, to identify and access institutions’ and other state- and privately-held documents and to hear personal testimonies. The Independent Panel should support victims-survivors and relatives of those deceased to receive information previously denied, and it should investigate current and past human rights violations arising from institutionalisation and family separation. The Panel should inform the terms of reference for a statutory Public Inquiry and provide support as necessary to the Public Inquiry;
*  Legislation, introduced without delay, to appoint a statutory Public Inquiry with powers to compel production of documents and hear evidence under oath from representatives of the institutions and those who serviced them. The Public Inquiry should be chaired by a human rights specialist from outside the jurisdiction supported by a team with a range of expertise;
*  Immediate new legislation to secure access to records for survivors and their families, including: legislative guidance for personal data controllers; a statutory prohibition on the destruction of records; and the creation of a dedicated permanent archive of historical institutional and adoption records operating alongside a similar archive already promised by the Government of Ireland;
*  Immediate redress payments from the beginning of the investigation: an approach taken previously in other jurisdictions;
*  Other necessary reparation measures including: public apologies from the State and all institutions involved; comprehensive funding for health and wellbeing services; funding for voluntary DNA testing; legal aid to access the courts or inquest system; citizenship for those who lost their entitlement due to removal from the jurisdiction as a child; provision of gravestones and memorials.

90

Articles / Into the Fire: The Lost Daughter review a staggering, mesmerising true ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on September 16, 2024, 04:11:04 PM »

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2024/sep/11/into-the-fire-the-lost-daughter-review-a-womans-search-for-her-adopted-child-netflix-true-crime?fbclid=IwY2xjawFVJd5leHRuA2FlbQIxMQABHXoW5z7kX1OTj7Fhy_87DWIyej_VMYltCxMWH7lKTEwY137BclBZWFyVXg_aem_1vrBXmHFeyPduobKSz8sSg

Into the Fire: The Lost Daughter review a staggering, mesmerising true-crime tale

When Cathy Terkanian learned that the daughter she was persuaded to place up for adoption had gone missing, she knew the police would never bother to find her. So she did it herself
Lucy Mangan
Wed 11 Sep 2024 21.00 BST

I feel like it’s been quite a while 10, maybe even 20 minutes? since Netflix’s last addition to the true crime genre (AKA an anthology of male violence against women and girls), but Into the Fire: The Lost Daughter is worth the wait, in the strange and twisted way of these voyeuristic endeavours anyway.  It is the story of Cathy Terkanian’s search for her adopted daughter Alexis (renamed Aundria by her new parents, Brenda and Dennis Bowman). It began in 2010, when she got a letter asking if she could give a DNA sample to the police in case an unidentified woman’s brutalised body they had found was Aundria’s. That is how she discovered that the child she had been persuaded as a 16-year-old single mother to place up for adoption had run away from home in 1989 at the age of 14 and never been seen again. Cathy herself had been a runaway, from a violent mother. The police, she reasoned, were unlikely to have investigated properly (“They didn’t look for me they wouldn’t look for her”). So, once the dead woman proved to be someone else’s daughter, she started her own search.  What unfolds is almost beyond belief. Cathy a mesmerisingly formidable presence whose fierceness nearly burns a hole in the screen begins with a simple internet search that yields her daughter’s new name and details of her disappearance. Then, with the help of her devoted husband Edward and amateur online investigator Carl Koppelman (an accountant who had compiled a searchable spreadsheet of 19,000 missing persons’ names and histories and solved several cases before Cathy met him), she parlayed it into an all-out assault on the world until it returned her daughter to her.  It is an extraordinary story of one woman’s determination but, while it clearly longs to lean into this and become a reverential paean to maternal instinct, the supranatural bond between mother and child and assorted other pieces of semi-claptrap, the actual facts are so terrible that the film-makers manage to restrain themselves and deliver an account that does them justice.  Aundria had not had the better life the 16-year-old Cathy had been promised adoption would provide. Former school friends who contact her through the website she sets up remember seeing Dennis hit his daughter, once so hard at the dinner table for mentioning the food (she and her friend had been given sandwiches while the couple ate hamburgers) that he almost knocked her off her chair. Aundria made accusations of molestation against Dennis that were all but ignored by her school, the police, the church. It was shortly after that that she supposedly ran away.  Gradually, through the website and a freedom of information request, the truth about Dennis emerges. Once again we find ourselves in a world in which a monstrous man is rarely caught after committing awful acts and when he is, never punished in a way commensurate with his crimes. You can maybe watch one or two of these documentaries and shake your head at the unlucky series of failings that led to a predator going free. Taken in sum, they are a damning indictment of the embedded inequities of the system and unparalleled, undeniable proof of how little female lives are worth and how little their suffering counts.  Cathy carries on piecing together Aundria’s story, becoming increasingly convinced not just that Dennis killed her but that her body is buried in the back yard of the house the Bowmans now live in. Carl thinks this is nonsense the wood across from the house they lived in at the time would be the logical place. “But I knew,” says Cathy. “He felt he’d had the right to kill her, that he owned her. And he would keep her close.”

Is that maternal instinct?

Or is that an understanding we all come to as we move through a world where unassailable patterns of entitlement only become clearer the longer we live in it?

One of Dennis’s convictions – 40 years after the event is for the 1980 murder of 25-year-old Kathleen Doyle. Her aunt Christine’s contribution should be etched on the minds of anyone setting out to make or watch these films. “Except for the fact that he took her from us, he is superfluous to her story.  Don’t let the people who did this awful thing be the people everyone remembers. Let them remember the young women who have died.”