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21

General Discussion / Re: Devotions

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 19, 2024, 05:37:22 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2023/05/01/lonely-hurts-but-god-can-redeem-it?
utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=255008545&_hsenc=p2ANqtz--uB0MYq5voP27-kizedPjxJLuEMjmmndlEdw2cr5FTWvM30-tbZkupqMoZIzQ6lI8ZT5dinY_0YNsv5Va81LVJ__IKJA&utm_content=255008545&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Lonely Hurts, But God Can Redeem It
May 1, 2023
by Jessica Manfre

?But Ruth said, ?Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.?? Ruth 1:16 (ESV)

As a military spouse, I?ve become deeply familiar with embracing hard things, purposefully leaning into grace and navigating challenges well.  But sometimes even the strongest of foundations develop cracks. Holding it all together with Band-Aids of positivity doesn?t work long term; it?s just not strong enough and is simply a quick coping mechanism.  Can I make a confession?

In my mind, I?m not supposed to feel lonely or struggle with mental health issues. As a therapist, I have helpful knowledge and tools swirling inside my brain, ready to be utilized. How dare I submit to something I know how to combat! But loneliness, and the basket of negative symptoms it brings, has reared its ugly head and held on to me with a fierceness I wasn?t prepared for.  The book of Ruth was the light in the dark, the scripture I desperately needed to break the grip of loneliness. Though I've always loved the rich narration of the story, reading it during a desperately lonely season of my life was revolutionary. I saw myself in both Ruth and Naomi in so many ways as a military spouse leaving home for a foreign land with no support, experiencing what felt like continual loss, and finding myself questioning my faith.  God doesn?t always prevent us from experiencing life stressors and working through the very real emotions that accompany them. But when we feel lonely, God is standing ready to love us through it while His Word gently reminds us that we?re never truly alone.  Sometimes it takes working through something really hard to reawaken the truth and bring back the good.  ?But Ruth said, ?Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you. For where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God.?? (Ruth 1:16)

This pagan woman was so sure in her convictions and faith in a God she?d only just begun to love and worship! Here?s what I personally take from Ruth?s incredible story:  God doesn?t always prevent us from feeling pain or experiencing hardship. But that doesn?t mean He?s forsaken us. When I lost my grandmother in 2019, my heart shattered into a million irreparable pieces. It would take a stranger sharing my grandmother?s last words in the hospital room to give me the reminder I so desperately needed: ?I?m going home.?

I?d carried such immense guilt because of all the time I?d missed with her due to this military-led life. But it washed away in an instant as I read God?s Word and heard His gift in my grandmother?s final words. He is our home and sanctuary in the midst of hurt.  With God, our trials, hurts and lonely seasons can be used for good. There?s such a redemptive blessing in sharing your deepest struggles out loud. Not only does it remove them from the box you?re so frantically trying to hide them in, but I promise your pain is a shared one. Lean into your Bible, community, family and friends. We have a tendency to act like bitter Naomi in Ruth 1:20-21, pushing away support as we navigate the waves of the bad things drowning us.  I like to believe I hear God whispering this when I feel lonely: Where you go, I go. But it isn?t only imagined He is always with us. We just have to be ready and willing to hear Him.

22

Articles / Father, 33, smashed two-year-old adopted daughter's head against a wall in ....

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 17, 2024, 03:21:50 PM »

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13094483/father-smashed-adopted-daughters-head-wall-bad-temper.html

Father, 33, smashed two-year-old adopted daughter's head against a wall in a 'bad temper' after she squabbled with his 'favourite son' over ice cream as he is jailed for murder

    Zahra Ghulami suffered a skull fracture at the hands of Jan Gholami
    He claimed she had fallen down the stairs while he was at the supermarket
    Judge blasts the father for his attack on the 'vulnerable and defenceless' child

By Jon Brady and James Callery

Published: 07:52, 17 February 2024 | Updated: 13:10, 17 February 2024

A father who killed his two-year-old adopted daughter by smashing her head against the wall lashed out after she fought with his 'favourite son' over ice cream.  Zahra Ghulami suffered a skull fracture caused by 'significant impact' at the hands of Jan Gholami, 33, at their home in Gravesend, Kent, in May 2020. He has been jailed for a minimum of 23 years and six months.  The girl, who Gholami adopted from Afghanistan, was taken to hospital on May 27, 2020 and died two days later; Gholami sought to claim to jurors she had fallen down the stairs while he was at Tesco.  Prosecutor Sally Howes KC told Maidstone Crown Court there had been a 'rivalry' between Zahra and Gholami's son and that the pair had squabbled about going for ice cream before Gholami stepped in and took out his 'bad temper' on the child.  Gholami told jurors that she had fallen down the stairs while he was at Tesco and was vomiting when he got home. A disturbing image was shown to the jury of Gholami carrying Zahra to hospital.  Jurors convicted Gholami of murder in a majority verdict of 10 to two after deliberating for nearly 20 hours at Maidstone Crown Court on January 9.  Gholami, of Oak Road, Gravesend, was also unanimously found guilty of child cruelty and was sentenced to a minimum of 23 years in prison.  His wife, Roqia Ghulami, was cleared of murder during the trial but was also found guilty of child neglect unanimously by the jury.  The 32-year-old, of Oak Road, Gravesend, was also sentenced to two years in prison at Maidstone Crown Court on Friday. She did not give evidence in court but told police she thought Zahra fell down the stairs.  During the trial, Zahra was described as a 'bright, intelligent' child who was 'highly curious' and wanted to find out about everything.  Zahra was admitted to the A&E department at Darent Valley Hospital in Dartford on May 27, 2020, during the first coronavirus lockdown.  She was later transferred to a hospital in London, but tragically died two days later.  The girl's cause of death was given as a severe head injury and skull fracture by Professor Charles Mangham, an osteoarticular pathologist.  When he was arrested by police, Gholami produced a receipt from the supermarket in an attempt to prove his innocence.  He told officers: 'Why are they taking me to a police station? What have I done? I have enough worries. My child is in a coma.  I don't know anything about what happened to the child because I was not at home. I was at Tesco. I don't know what happened.'

He added: 'I am a Muslim. You can't blame me for these things. There are cameras. Whatever happened I was not at home.'

Jurors were told Gholami, originally from Afghanistan, came to the UK in January 2016 while Ghulami was still in Afghanistan with their children.  The couple adopted Zahra in 2017 after Gholami's friend, Zahra's father, felt unable to look after her after his wife died in childbirth.  This happened when Ghulami was in Afghanistan and the adoption was approved by village elders.  In January 2019, Gholami applied for asylum for Ghulami from the UK, and she arrived with the children to join him.  The 32-year-old, of Oak Road, Gravesend, was also sentenced to two years in prison at Maidstone Crown Court on Friday. She did not give evidence in court but told police she thought Zahra fell down the stairs.  During the trial, Zahra was described as a 'bright, intelligent' child who was 'highly curious' and wanted to find out about everything.

Zahra was admitted to the A&E department at Darent Valley Hospital in Dartford on May 27, 2020, during the first coronavirus lockdown.  She was later transferred to a hospital in London, but tragically died two days later.  The girl's cause of death was given as a severe head injury and skull fracture by Professor Charles Mangham, an osteoarticular pathologist.  When he was arrested by police, Gholami produced a receipt from the supermarket in an attempt to prove his innocence.  He told officers: 'Why are they taking me to a police station? What have I done? I have enough worries. My child is in a coma.  I don't know anything about what happened to the child because I was not at home. I was at Tesco. I don't know what happened.'

He added: 'I am a Muslim. You can't blame me for these things. There are cameras. Whatever happened I was not at home.'

Jurors were told Gholami, originally from Afghanistan, came to the UK in January 2016 while Ghulami was still in Afghanistan with their children.  The couple adopted Zahra in 2017 after Gholami's friend, Zahra's father, felt unable to look after her after his wife died in childbirth.  This happened when Ghulami was in Afghanistan and the adoption was approved by village elders.  In January 2019, Gholami applied for asylum for Ghulami from the UK, and she arrived with the children to join him.

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Articles / The UK?s forced adoption scandal was state-sanctioned abuse

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 10, 2024, 11:42:27 AM »

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/may/27/uk-forced-adoption-state-sanctioned-abuse-unmarried-mothers

The UK?s forced adoption scandal was state-sanctioned abuse

Gaby Hinsliff

Unmarried mothers were treated with contempt by authorities in the mid-20th century. The same goes for people deemed not to matter today

When Ann Keen gave birth, the midwives refused to give her anything for the pain. That way, they told her, she would remember it and learn not to be so wicked again. To be treated like an animal in labour, denied the most basic compassion and respect, was simply part of the punishment she had supposedly earned for getting pregnant out of wedlock aged 17. The hospital discharged her without any follow-up care, as if the birth had never happened. But the most grievous part of the story is that she also went home without her baby.  For Keen is one of a still unknown number of unmarried British women coerced into handing over their newborns for adoption between the 1950s and the late 1970s, who are now seeking an apology from Boris Johnson on behalf of the governments of the day. But perhaps just as importantly, they want it acknowledged that they didn?t give their children up willingly. Some were told that if they loved their babies they would want them raised by respectable married couples, not under the shadow of illegitimacy.  Instead of being briefed about the financial support to which they might be entitled, they were warned that keeping the baby would bring great hardship on their families. And while some consented to adoption under this kind of duress, others say forms were simply signed on their behalf by parents or so-called ?moral welfare workers? supervising adoptions. They became, in effect, an unwilling human production line of babies for adoption by couples considered more deserving by virtue of their wedding rings. The grief for the mothers must have been lifelong, and for many it was handed down a generation when their children grew old enough to understand and be disturbed by what had happened.  Oppressive morality, cloaked in religion, is the obvious explanation for how such unthinkable things could have happened. Pregnant teenagers such as Keen would be shipped off by their mortified parents to church-run mother-and-baby homes to hide them from the neighbours, and adoptions were often arranged through church-run agencies; the head of the Catholic church in England and Wales has already apologised for what he called the ?hurt? caused by agencies acting in its name. Yet the long history of shame being weaponised against women in the name of organised religion is really only half the explanation for cruelty meted out not in some secretive Magdalene laundry, but to women giving birth inside British NHS hospitals, who were singled out as different from other mothers. It was effectively state-sanctioned abuse and in a week when much of the country is understandably preoccupied instead with a much more recent failure of the state, it carries urgent lessons.  When Ireland?s taoiseach apologised recently for the ?profound generational wrong? done to survivors of Irish mother and baby homes, following a public inquiry that exposed horrific brutality, some responded with a striking anger. They didn?t want to be told that ?society? or the culture of the time was to blame; they wanted names, audit trails, a forensic examination of government decisions and processes that had allowed this to happen. The British mothers have been refused a public inquiry, but seek the same recognition that this was fundamentally a failure of the state, something Keen understands perhaps better than most.  Astonishingly, the teenager who was slapped for crying out when the doctor stitched her up after the birth grew up to be a nurse, then a Labour MP, and finally as health minister under Gordon Brown an advocate for dignity and compassion in healthcare. But it?s a principle that matters much more widely in public life.  At the heart of almost every account of a public scandal I have read are people who have somehow become dehumanised in the eyes of officialdom; whose feelings were deemed not to matter.  This particular, often unthinking breed of contempt is there in accounts of how police officers yawned through interviews with Girl A, the gang-raped victim of child sexual exploitation in Rochdale, whose case was initially dropped because they considered her trouble: promiscuous, damaged, not a credible witness. It?s there in the shocking stories of the Windrush generation?s treatment at the hands of the Home Office, and in accounts tumbling out in the wake of the Grenfell Tower fire about how residents? safety fears were dismissed.  And it was lurking too behind Dominic Cummings? account of Boris Johnson allegedly grumbling that ?only 80-year-olds? were dying of Covid, as if their lives were regarded somehow as lesser. The nature of who is and isn?t deemed to count may change with the passing decades, but the lesson remains the same; that all too often, terrible things start with a failure of the state to treat every citizen as though they matter.

*  Gaby Hinsliff is a Guardian columnist

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General Discussion / Re: Devotions

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 08, 2024, 02:34:07 PM »

https://proverbs31.org/read/devotions/full-post/2023/04/21/learning-to-chase-gods-glory-through-each-day?utm_campaign=Daily%20Devotions&utm_medium=email&_hsmi=252897507&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-9afXMftAfnemRxduh1IevoD9N0OpCMQu-sIduRPHYL_-noJ6b_KfcIEeRkhI_XsK8GbbnBg2IdRR1tNP1oceIhkM2RKA&utm_content=252897507&utm_source=hs_email#disqus_thread

Learning To Chase God?s Glory Through Each Day
April 21, 2023
by Dorina Lazo Gilmore-Young

"Moses said, 'Please show me your glory.' And [God] said, 'I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name "The LORD." And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy.'" Exodus 33:18-19 (ESV)

When I was a little girl, my mama used to sing this little chorus to help me wake up in the morning: ?Rise and shine, and give God the glory, glory ??

I was never an ?early bird.? I more often dragged myself out of bed than I jumped up with energy. Mama?s song was a cheerful welcome to a new day. She invited me to start with God?s glory.  I chose the word ?glory? as my annual theme word several years ago.That sent me on a treasure hunt through Scripture and everyday life in search of glory. That year, my husband died of cancer at age 40, just four short months after his diagnosis. I was left a widow with three young daughters. I had no idea how God would use that theme of glory to challenge, inspire and lift me during the darkest year of my life.  We talk and sing about it at church and find the word mentioned more than 500 times in Scripture, but what exactly is glory?

If we study the scriptures that mention it, we discover God?s glory is the very essence of who God is, His character. Glory is what sets God apart. It?s the way God reveals Himself to us.  In the book of Exodus, Moses was discovering God?s glory. He wrote this book to help highlight the fulfillment of God?s promises, and through Moses, the Lord revealed His purposes to Israel. Over time, Moses recognized that he didn't want to make decisions or move anywhere without God?s presence. He begged God to show Himself:  ?Moses said, ?Please show me your glory.? And [God] said, ?I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name ?The LORD.? And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy?? (Exodus 33:18-19).

Most of us are like Moses. We want to feel God?s presence in our chaos, our crises and our casual conversations. We would like to see and experience God?s glory but we are not sure how to pursue it.  The Hebrew word for ?glory? is kabod, meaning someone or something heavy in weight, wealth, abundance, importance or respect. Does that sound like God?

We can experience glimpses of God?s glory all around us, but we have to lift our eyes to notice them and respond.  God always makes Himself known through His Word that comforts us during trials. Sometimes, He may also show His glory through a sense of peace gifted to us while we wait for a diagnosis or a breakthrough in a strained relationship. I?ve tasted His glory in a delectable meal prepared by a friend and seen it in the unique pattern of a snowflake or a baby?s eyelashes, all carefully created by Him.  Friends, let?s not miss the examples of God?s glory right in our midst. Let?s call out the glory we see so that others might experience His presence too.

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Articles / Redress payments for Mother and Baby Home survivors continue to be delayed

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 06, 2024, 03:13:18 PM »

https://www.irishcentral.com/news/redress-mother-and-baby-home-survivors-delayed?utm_campaign=IC%20Daily%20-%20Jan%2029%20-%202024-01-29&utm_medium=Email&_hsmi=291808461&_hsenc=p2ANqtz-_GkI8nHOVcgoz4At1LxWChSs3E0fiz8057yiS8MsNM2UjlSCsAmBB2vWC3yt4aSIMNYPtEn4eq3pRp7AAJ_Y4nXmmLBT-ik0FGF-ZQLwE_SCZ0_OQ&utm_content=Story1&utm_source=HubSpot

Redress payments for Mother and Baby Home survivors continue to be delayed
The Department of Children has stated that opening a redress scheme as soon as possible remains a "top priority",
@IrishCentral
Jan 29, 2024

Mother and Baby Home survivors continue to wait for redress payments three years after Ireland's Mother and Baby Home Commission of Investigation recommended compensation for survivors.  The Department of Children has stated that opening a redress scheme as soon as possible remains a "top priority", according to the Irish Examiner.  The Department added that the redress scheme, which was due to be rolled out by the end of 2023, is set to open in Q1 of 2024.  However, the Examiner reports that survivors are still waiting to receive the green light to apply.  UCC law professor Conor O'Mahony described the delay as "simply unfair" to aging survivors.  In 2021, the Commission of Investigation into Mother and Baby Homes recommended compensation for survivors in its final report and the Irish Government subsequently appointed a financial assessor to negotiate with seven religious institutions about compensation.  However, there is no legal framework compelling the religious orders to negotiate, according to the Examiner.  O'Mahony told the publication that the Government could open the scheme to survivors while negotiations are ongoing.   "There's no need to wait until any contributions are handed over, just open the scheme and have it up and running," O'Mahony told the Irish Examiner.

The Commission's five-year inquiry, which was led by former judge Yvonne Murphy, found that over 9,000 children died in 18 institutions run by seven different religious orders between 1922 and 1998, double the mortality rate among children in the general population.  The final report also detailed shocking experiments and physical abuse carried out in the different institutions and recommended financial compensation for survivors.   Up to 34,000 people are eligible for compensation, but the scheme has faced criticism because it excludes certain categories of survivors, including babies who spent less than six months in an institution and those who were fostered out to local families. O'Mahony said the Irish Government is attempting to lay financial responsibility on the seven religious orders as well as maintaining public finances.   The seven religious orders include the Bon Secours sisters, the Daughters of Charity of St. Vincent de Paul, Sisters of the Sacred Heart of Jesus and Mary, Our Lady of Charity of the Good Shepherd, the Sisters of Mercy, the Sisters of St John of God, and lay organization the Legion of Mary.  Children's Minister Roderic O'Gorman has sought financial contributions from each religious order, but only the Bon Secour nuns, who ran the Tuam Mother and Baby Home in Galway between 1925 and 1961, have agreed to contribute to the redress scheme.  However, the Examiner reports that no deal has been secured with the Bon Secours nuns.  Peter Mulryan, a 79-year-old man who spent four years at the Tuam Mother and Baby Home before being fostered out to a family that abused him, labeled the delay as a "disgrace".  "The whole thing is a disgrace. I have never, ever received a penny from the State for the abuses and neglect I suffered," Mulryan told the Examiner.  There isn't a sign of anything. I am disgusted with it to be honest, what they are doing to us, they are playing a game of wait and die so they have less to give a few euros to."

Mulryan added that the delays were "prolonging our agony" and said he is skeptical that redress payments will be made this year.  "They say they are giving us redress this year, I take that with a pinch of salt, how many times did they promise this that, and the other?"

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Articles / 'I regret adopting my daughter I feel like I'm babysitting a stranger's kid'

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on February 01, 2024, 11:13:53 AM »

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/us-news/i-regret-adopting-daughter-feel-31947707

'I regret adopting my daughter I feel like I'm babysitting a stranger's kid'

A mum has sparked outrage after admitting she regrets adopting her daughter as she has never loved her as much as her biological children and still sees her as 'someone else's child'

By Paige Freshwater Content Editor

13:38, 23 Jan 2024Updated15:05, 23 Jan 2024

A mum has caused a stir by confessing she regrets adopting her daughter, admitting she's never loved her as much as her biological children. She shared her story on Reddit, explaining that after having her son through IVF, she chose to adopt for her second child.  However, she confessed she's never been able to bond with her adopted daughter and over time, even began to resent her. The woman wrote: "So years ago before the birth of my first son, I was told it would be hard for me and my husband to conceive. We went through IVF and eventually I gave birth to my son.  A few years later we wanted another child but didn't want to have to go through the time and expense we did the last time with our son. So we decided to adopt. We adopted this beautiful baby girl whose parents were too young to raise her themselves. I loved her so much and treated her no different but I've never had the feeling she's my own. I often feel like I'm babysitting someone else's child. I feel terrible but I can't help it.  I've tried forcing myself to feel it but I just don't. She's 15 now and I've never felt a connection with her."

But four years ago, the woman discovered she'd fallen pregnant naturally - and was expecting another girl. This only strained her relationship with her adopted daughter further, as she started to feel more excluded from the family.  "We were so surprised since it just happened naturally and we found out it was going to be a girl. During the pregnancy, my hormones were all over the place and I started hating my adopted daughter because I felt if I had just waited then I wouldn't have to have had her. When my daughter was born everything just felt right. I felt a proper connection like with my son and I bonded straight away."

In search of sympathy, she confessed: "I sound horrible but adopting her was a massive mistake. I wish I could go back in time. I love her to pieces but unfortunately not as much as my biological children. I hate myself for it since I promised her parents I'd love her no different and I feel like I've let everyone down."

To this, one Reddit user replied: "Therapy for you. Under no circumstances tell your daughter that you don't love her as much as your bio kids, though that's something that's not hard to miss. Reach out to her birth family, if they're decent people and you haven't maintained contact, and see if they'd be interested in spending more time with her. This girl deserves to be enthusiastically cared for and loved by the people in her life. What about your husband? Does he feel the same way?"

Another person commented: "Since you already had a biological child you shouldn't have adopted. I have heard lots of adoptees say they have always felt like they were competing with the biological child of the adoptive parent. I will say at least you have the courage to be honest, which is rare among adoptive parents. Does the child have any interaction with her birth family? Perhaps if she had a good relationship she could go back to them."

A third person chimed in: "I really hope your adoptive daughter doesn't know how you feel. Have you looked into professional help for yourself to dissect what's going on and why you haven't allowed yourself to bond? There are so many techniques out there that could have been used to create that bond. I know because I used some of them when I struggled to bond with my adoptive daughter. They worked. I feel so upset on behalf of your 15-year-old. I hope she never finds out and that you've said this because you want things to change.  You can work to repair and create that bond rather than dwelling on the past and your own anger and regret. I hope you haven't damaged her through any perceptible emotional distance on your part. How dreadfully sad that you still feel you are babysitting someone else's child after all these years. Please stop dwelling on what might have been and step up to being the best parent you can be to her by seeking help if need be."

27

Articles / New rights for UK donor babies as they turn 18

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 30, 2024, 08:08:35 PM »

https://medicalxpress.com/news/2023-10-rights-uk-donor-babies.html

OCTOBER 3, 2023

New rights for UK donor babies as they turn 18
by Helen ROWE

Around 30 young adults conceived via sperm or egg donation in the UK will soon be able to discover the identity of their biological parent.  The new rights come as rising numbers of children are being conceived using the technology, posing a range of challenges for the children, their families and donors.  The UK law removed the anonymity of egg and sperm donors in 2005 and gave children the right to receive basic information about them when they reached 18.  With the first children covered by the legislation turning 18 this month, they will finally be able to request details such as the donor's full name, date of birth and last known address.  Advances in fertility treatment methods and changing social attitudes have seen an increasing number of donor-conceived children being born not just to people facing fertility challenges but also same-sex couples and women in their late forties and even fifties.  Initially the numbers of children who will have the right to know will be small, with just 30 people becoming eligible between now and December this year.   Data from the UK's Human Fertilization and Embryology Authority (HFEA) shows that will rise to more than 700 people by the end of 2024, increasing to 11,400 by 2030.  According to the latest available figures from the regulator of fertility treatment and research using human embryos, 4,100 UK births around one in 170 were the result of donor conception in 2019.

Few months off

The cut-off point for the legislation has left some donor-conceived people disappointed that the identity of their donors will remain a mystery.  "I'm happy for the people who want to find out but I'm also a little annoyed that I was a couple of months off, so I won't have the chance," 19-year-old student Jamie Ruddock, from Brighton on England's south coast, told AFP.

Ruddock said he had known for as long as he could remember that he had been donor-conceived and while he was not looking for another father figure he was still curious.  His older brother along with their father had begun looking for the donor via a DNA ancestry testing service but had not had any success.  "My brother definitely has a bigger sense of curiosity than I do but if my brother finds him I would like to have a conversation with him," he said.

People in the UK conceived by egg or sperm donation will now be able to trace their biological parents.  Nina Barnsley, director of the UK's Donor Conception Network, said many of those eligible to ask for the information might not even be aware of how they were conceived.  When new techniques such as artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization (IVF) were first introduced some four decades ago, infertility was something of a taboo subject and parents often did not tell children how they were conceived.  But for many years now, psychologists have advised families to be open with the information as early as possible.  Others might not have realized the significance of the legislation or have other priorities.

'Incredible gift'

"Certainly in terms of our donor-conceived young people, many have got far more important things going on in their lives with exams and girlfriends and boyfriends, travel and work and other challenges," said Barnsley.

"Being donor-conceived may well just be low on the list of interests."

Having the right to access the information, however, could still be important to them in the longer term, even if it also brought potential challenges.  Some parents would inevitably be "anxious about making the donor into a real person in their lives and how their children would feel," she said.

At the same time many were also "curious about these donors and wanted to thank them to acknowledge their contribution towards helping them make their families," she added.

Donors are being urged to get in contact with the clinic where they donated and make sure their details are up to date.  "This is a very important time for young adults who were conceived by the use of donor sperm or eggs. Many will hope to find out more about their donors as they reach 18," said Professor Jackson Kirkman-Brown, chair of the Association for Reproductive and Clinical Scientists (ARCS).

He said it was important that donors too reach out for support and guidance to help them navigate any approaches.  "Being a donor is an incredible gift and alongside the sector ARCS are keen to recognize and support those who enable people to have the families they desire," he added.

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Articles / ?Real taboo?: include birth trauma in UK women?s health strategy, MP urges

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 26, 2024, 12:57:09 PM »

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2024/jan/09/real-taboo-include-birth-trauma-in-uk-womens-health-strategy-mp-urges

?Real taboo?: include birth trauma in UK women?s health strategy, MP urges

Theo Clarke shares own experience and says large number of people contacted inquiry into birth trauma after call for evidence

Birth trauma remains a ?real taboo? and should be part of the UK government?s women?s health strategy, an MP leading an inquiry into the subject has said.  On Tuesday, the all-party parliamentary group on birth trauma launched an inquiry, led by the Conservative MP, Theo Clarke, and Labour?s Rosie Duffield, looking into the causes behind traumatic births and to develop policy recommendations to reduce the occurrence of birth-related trauma. The inquiry is open to parents and professionals in the maternity field, and is expected to report on its findings in April.  Clarke, the MP for Stafford, said she was ?delighted? to be launching the first parliamentary inquiry into birth trauma, and said the topic was ?long overdue for discussion within parliament?.

?I was amazed that literally within the first five minutes of announcing the call for evidence on social media we already had submissions into our inquiry inbox, probably the quickest response I?ve ever had to anything I?ve announced as an MP in my career,? Clarke said.

?That really shows how incredibly important this subject is and how mums in the UK feel that they need to be listened to and they want their stories to be heard.?

Clarke was inspired to launch the inquiry after needing emergency surgery and thinking she was going to die after the birth of her daughter in 2022. ?I gave birth to my daughter last year and had a third-degree tear, which is a very significant birth injury, and which resulted in me having a huge surgery,? she said.

Between 25,000 and 30,000 women experience PTSD after birth in the UK, according to the Birth Trauma Association.  The inquiry is currently collecting written and oral evidence to inform the policy report. The report is due to put forward policy recommendations for the government and will be published April 2024.  Evidence will be heard over several sessions between February and March. Its main objectives will be to ?identify common features in maternity care (antenatally, during labour and birth, and postnatally) that contribute to birth trauma, highlight examples of good practice, both in the quality of maternity care and in providing support to women who have had traumatic birth experiences, and to look at the impact of birth trauma on women?s relationships, ability to bond with their baby and future decision-making?.

The inquiry said they particularly welcomed submissions ?from people from marginalised communities such as those who are racially minoritised, LGBT, economically disadvantaged, homeless, asylum-seeking or displaced, care-experienced, neurodivergent or facing any other circumstances [that mean] their voice is less likely to be heard?.

Clarke spoke of her own experience during a Commons debate on birth trauma in October, and said the reaction to her speech showed just how important the issue was to many people in the UK.  She said: ?There is such a focus on the baby post-birth that we sometimes forget about the mums and the fact that they need care too. And I was really amazed when I shared my personal story last year the huge amount of people that contacted me from across the country that shared their own difficult stories.  It was very clear to me that there was a real taboo about talking about birth trauma, and people felt that they couldn?t share with friends or colleagues at work if they had had a birth injury or had mental psychological distress based on giving birth.?

Separate to the inquiry, Clarke has called on the government to consider birth trauma as part of the women?s health strategy update next week, because ?it is recognised and included?.

29

Articles / Police investigated child abuse claims at Whitgift last year

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 22, 2024, 11:28:06 AM »

https://insidecroydon.com/2024/01/20/police-investigated-child-abuse-claims-at-whitgift-last-year/

Police investigated child abuse claims at Whitgift last year
Posted on January 20, 2024 by insidecroydon   

The Met has confirmed that they followed up complaints about sexual abuse at the ?47,000 per year boys? private school, after pictures and messages were shared on social media, which may have contributed to the suicide of a former teacher. By STEVEN DOWNES

A public relations firm was hired last year to provide ?crisis management? as the Metropolitan Police  investigated allegations of sexual abuse of boys attending the ?47,000 per year Whitgift School.  At least two Whitgift teachers left their jobs abruptly and under suspicious circumstances, one of whom who cannot be named for legal reasons was accused of having hacked into the school?s computer system in order to access contact details for former pupils.  Others, without any direct involvement in the alleged misconduct, were dragged in to the growing scandal, with one former teacher committing suicide as a consequence.  The police investigation was being carried out last year just as another former Whitgift teacher, Paul Dodd, was being sentenced to four years in prison after being found guilty of sexual abuse charges dating back to the 1980s, some that had involved boys as young as 10 years old.  Whitgift School is one of three private schools run by the Whitgift Foundation, the owners of the Whitgift Centre shopping mall in Croydon town centre and the borough?s biggest land owners. The Whitgift Foundation is registered as a charity and is closely connected to the Church of England: according to its most recent annual report lodged with the Charity Commission, eight of its Court of Governors were appointed by the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby.  The Foundation has begun to suffer significant financial pressures, after more than a decade of waiting for Westfield to conduct a massive regeneration project on properties it owns in Croydon town centre. The Foundation has even decided to close down one of its private schools, the Old Palace girls? school.  But last year the charity, with its then chief executive absent on long-term sick leave, decided to hire an expensive PR firm to help it navigate the significant reputational issues arising from paedophile scandals emerging from Whitgift School.  Sources close to the Foundation and Whitgift School have assured Inside Croydon that the departure of Chris Ramsey, the headmaster who is to stand down in July, as was exclusively revealed by this website this week, is entirely unconnected with the latest set of abuse claims.  Ramsey, a linguist by vocation and a Spanish speaker, is leaving to become head of an international school in Madrid.  ?The opportunity to run an international school overseas, which as a linguist he has always wanted to do, has come unexpectedly, and it is a great shame for the school, but it is an enormously attractive move for Chris and one which governors have agreed he should take,? the Foundation said after iC had revealed that Whitgift?s headmaster was leaving.

Meanwhile, the Metropolitan Police has confirmed to Inside Croydon that Whitgift School was subject to an investigation into allegations of suspected grooming of children.  On Wednesday, January 3 [2023] police received a third-party allegation of suspected online sexual communication with a child that was alleged to have taken place during December 2022.  A police investigation was carried out and no offences were identified.  The investigation was closed with no further action. However, should any further information be provided to officers, this will be assessed.?

Parents of pupils at the school, and others connected to Whitgift, have contacted Inside Croydon this week to express deep concerns about the school?s response to safeguarding issues.  Reports in the national press have quoted a former Whitgift pupil and ex-governor of the school alleging ?inappopriate behaviour by teachers over a 40-year period?.

They said, ?If anything at all cropped up they would just try to smother it and move on, it was all about reputational risk.  The reports appeared in the Daily Express, who related that Whitgift School refuted any suggestion of cover ups, stating ?it has worked with the relevant authorities and within regulations of the relevant time to investigate and report any incidences reported to it?.

?Fundamentally, it?s always been about cover-up.?

The Express claimed to have interviewed at least 10 people associated with Whitgift, prompted by recent allegations relating to the actions of teachers on social media, some of whom it was alleged were having sexual relationships with former students.  Despite the police involvement, Whitgift School did not advise parents of the allegations until six days after they were approached by a newspaper reporter. On July 19 last year the school wrote to parents claiming ?all of these matters have been thoroughly investigated?.

Convicted: child abuser Paul Dodd

What Whitgift School and the Foundation was not able to do was cover-up the historic abuse case involving Paul Dodd, which after neary 40 years was to be placed firmly in a public spotlight when the former history and games teacher was hauled into the dock to face charges relating to his abuse.  It was in the late 1980s that the then Whitgift headmaster, David Raeburn, received allegations that Dodd had taken a 10-year-old boy into the school changing rooms alone, had him strip naked and stared at his genitals.  As Inside Croydon reported at the time of Dodd?s trial at Gloucester Crown Court last year, Raeburn did not go to the police when this was reported, deciding instead to deal with the matter internally.  Dodd remained at the school and was allowed to take boys on trips. Dodd isolated a further two boys and abused them. One victim of abuse, interviewed late last year by the Express, accused Dodd of using the school?s rules to empower his abuse of young boys.  It was school policy to have a teacher in the changing rooms and showers to ?oversee? boys getting washed. As was documented in the criminal case against Dodd, another rule forced boys to wear swimming trunks under their shorts or nothing when playing rugby. Underpants were not permitted for rugby.  ?When Paul Dodd was involved,? the Express reported, ?these policies were used as cover for abusing children.?

The court heard how Dodd locked a child of 11 or 12 in a room before lifting his boxers to stare at his penis. Another 10-year-old victim was taken to a quiet area where the Whitgift teacher grabbed and squeezed his genitals.  A report of the final incident did prompt Raeburn to act. Dodd was sacked, the assault was reported to police and the Department for Education. Dodd left the country, to take up teaching posts in New Zealand, until he was discovered assaulting boys there, too.  ?Dodd?s crimes were unforgivable, and our thoughts are with those impacted by them,? a spokesperson for the school and the Foundation told the newspaper.

?It is critical that matters such as these, regardless of their historic nature, are thoroughly investigated and that justice is served.  The School assisted the police and relevant authorities throughout their enquiries and we are grateful for their work in bringing this man to account."

Roll of honour: eight of the members of the Whitgift Foundation?s Court of Governors were appointed by the Archbishop of Canterbury, according to the charity?s latest annual report.

?We are absolutely committed to our safeguarding responsibilities and we will ensure any allegation is passed to the authorities. It is important to us that those who have suffered feel able to come forward and we will provide appropriate support.?

More recent allegations of misconduct and abuse have taken a tragic toll. While at least two members of staff left Whitgift following the computer hacking allegations, one of the teachers named in the allegations ultimately took their own life.  Parents have expressed their distress and disquiet over how a popular and gifted physics teacher, Dr Kevin Ralley, became implicated in the Whitgift scandal.  Dr Ralley had left Whitgift and had been teaching at KCS Wimbledon at the time of his death.  Concerns had begun after images from an account that appeared to be connected to a teacher started to circulate on social media. As well as containing pictures of one member of staff in a state of undress, the posts made serious allegations about two other teachers at Whitgift.  It was claimed one was messaging former students ?by getting their number off school systems? and sending them ?very explicit content?. It suggested another was ?adding students and ex-students on social media by catfishing and trying to get inappropriate content?.

?Catfishing? is the practice of using someone else?s pictures to create a fake social media account.  Also shared were a series of screenshots that claimed to be from a WhatsApp conversation between a teacher and former pupil.  The messages suggested the ex-pupil had sexual contact with two other teachers. Referring to the penis size of one of the teachers repeatedly, one message added: ?I know I?m third after Kevin and [another teacher] haha but I?d love to get to know how naughty you are.?

?We are absolutely committed to our safeguarding responsibilities and we will ensure any allegation is passed to the authorities. It is important to us that those who have suffered feel able to come forward and we will provide appropriate support.?

More recent allegations of misconduct and abuse have taken a tragic toll. While at least two members of staff left Whitgift following the computer hacking allegations, one of the teachers named in the allegations ultimately took their own life.  Parents have expressed their distress and disquiet over how a popular and gifted physics teacher, Dr Kevin Ralley, became implicated in the Whitgift scandal.  Dr Ralley had left Whitgift and had been teaching at KCS Wimbledon at the time of his death.  Concerns had begun after images from an account that appeared to be connected to a teacher started to circulate on social media. As well as containing pictures of one member of staff in a state of undress, the posts made serious allegations about two other teachers at Whitgift.  It was claimed one was messaging former students ?by getting their number off school systems? and sending them ?very explicit content?. It suggested another was ?adding students and ex-students on social media by catfishing and trying to get inappropriate content?.

?Catfishing? is the practice of using someone else?s pictures to create a fake social media account.  Also shared were a series of screenshots that claimed to be from a WhatsApp conversation between a teacher and former pupil.  The messages suggested the ex-pupil had sexual contact with two other teachers. Referring to the penis size of one of the teachers repeatedly, one message added: ?I know I?m third after Kevin and [another teacher] haha but I?d love to get to know how naughty you are.?

Much missed: Dr Kevin Ralley

The ?Kevin? referred to in the message was Dr Ralley.  It was the release of these images that led to the complaints to the Met investigation.  According to the Express: ?Whitgift conducted an ?independent? investigation into the alleged wrongdoing which a spokesperson claimed had found ?that what took place did not involve any pupils and the former pupil said to have been involved was an adult at the relevant times?.  There was, therefore, no evidence of any criminal wrongdoing, albeit the behaviour fell below expected standards of a member of staff at the school.?

One teacher resigned before the investigation began. Another teacher was dismissed, the Express reported.  Whitgift claimed the probe had not ?centred? on the young teacher as he had left the school two years earlier. A Whitgift spokesperson said that Ralley ?declined to be interviewed as a witness by the external investigators? and ?nothing emerged from our investigation to support Ralley being involved in any criminal conduct?.

It was known that Ralley, although a high-achiever academically, was in some ways vulnerable. The existence of the investigation, and his being mentioned in the messages, was enough for Dr Ralley to take his own life. He was 38.

30

Articles / Sexual exploitation review finds child protection failings at Rochdale Council

« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 20, 2024, 03:15:08 PM »

https://www.cypnow.co.uk/news/article/sexual-exploitation-review-finds-child-protection-failings-at-rochdale-council

Sexual exploitation review finds child protection failings at Rochdale Council

Joe Lepper
Wednesday, January 17, 2024

Rochdale Council and police failed to protect children at risk of sexual exploitation in the Greater Manchester town more than a decade ago, an independent review has found.  It found ?compelling evidence of widespread organised exploitation of children? in Rochdale from 2004 to 2012 and a failure by the council?s children?s services and Greater Manchester Police to protect them.  In 111 cases looked at the review found ?there was a significant probability? that 74 were survivors of child sexual exploitation and in 48 of these cases ?there were serious failures? to protect the child by the council and police. 

    Supporting families affected by online sexual offending
    Rochdale multi-agency team supports CSE victims

The review also looked at work carried out by Sara Rowbotham, coordinator of the NHS sexual health service in Rochdale and the Crisis Intervention Team, which investigated child sexual exploitation cases and included former police detective Maggie Oliver among its members.  Two serious case overview reports published a decade ago had criticised Rowbotham and the team for not following child protection procedures and not communicating information on cases to social workers and police.  But the review found that by 2012 council and police were ?aware of approximately 127 potential victims?. These had been referred by the Crisis Intervention Team to the council but ?had not been acted on over the years?.  During the review?s probe this figure, of cases known about but not being acted on by the council, more than doubled to 260.  ?This information was clear to all the partners three months before the publication of the serious case review overview reports in December 2013,? found the review.

It concluded there is ?compelling evidence to support the view that the Crisis Intervention Team was sharing explicit information with the authorities on the exploitation of multiple children?.

Malcom Newsam, the review?s lead author, said that Greater Manchester Police (GMP) and Rochdale Council ?failed to prioritise the protection of children who were being sexually exploited by a significant number of men within the Rochdale area.  We have also concluded that Sara Rowbotham was unfairly criticised? after being wrongly accused of not referring cases of children at risk of exploitation.  For several years, Sara Rowbotham and her colleagues were lone voices in raising concerns about the sexual exploitation and abuse of these children,? he added.

?Both GMP and Rochdale Council failed to respond appropriately to these concerns, and it has been a gross misrepresentation to suggest that the Crisis Intervention Team in some way was complicit with this failure and to tarnish the reputation of this small group of professionals.?

Rochdale Council?s leader Neil Emmott said the local authority is ?deeply sorry? for its failures relating to the scandal.  ?I want to reassure the public that those responsible are gone and long gone,? he said.

?No amount of contrition or apology can ever repair the awful damage that was done to the lives of these survivors.  As the current leader of Rochdale Council, I want to repeat the apology we have made previously but also to reassure the public that far more rigorous practices are in place today to protect our children.?

However, last year Rochdale children's services was criticised by Ofsted for not making "sufficient progress" to improve. It said changes in senior management and the Covid-19 pandemic had hindered efforts to improve support for vulnerable children.  The independent review had been commissioned by Greater Manchester mayor Andy Burnham in 2017.  ?This report is hard to read,? said Burnham.

?It gives a detailed and distressing account of how many young people were so seriously failed.  That said, it fulfils the purpose of why I set up this review in the first place. It is only by facing up fully and unflinchingly to what happened that we can be sure of bringing the whole system culture change needed when it comes to protecting children from abuse.  I would like to thank those who have had the courage to come forward and share what happened to them. We know how difficult it must have been and still is.  We are sorry that you were so badly failed by the system that should have protected you.  I would also like to praise those who blew the whistle on their behalf, particularly Sara Rowbotham and Maggie Oliver, and for the support they have provided to them ever since. That took huge courage and determination, and we thank them for it.?