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Articles / The Baby Brokers: Inside America?s Murky Private-Adoption Industry
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 15, 2024, 12:46:52 PM »
https://time.com/6051811/private-adoption-america/

The Baby Brokers: Inside America?s Murky Private-Adoption Industry

Shyanne Klupp was 20 years old and homeless when she met her boyfriend in 2009. Within weeks, the two had married, and within months, she was pregnant. ?I was so excited,? says Klupp.

Soon, however, she learned that her new husband was facing serious jail time, and she reluctantly agreed to start looking into how to place their expected child for adoption. The couple called one of the first results that Google spat out: Adoption Network Law Center (ANLC).  Klupp says her initial conversations with ANLC went well; the adoption counselor seemed kind and caring and made her and her husband feel comfortable choosing adoption. ANLC quickly sent them packets of paperwork to fill out, which included questions ranging from personal-health and substance-abuse history to how much money the couple would need for expenses during the pregnancy.  Klupp and her husband entered in the essentials: gas money, food, blankets and the like. She remembers thinking, ?I?m not trying to sell my baby.?

But ANLC, she says, pointed out that the prospective adoptive parents were rich. ?That?s not enough,? Klupp recalls her counselor telling her. ?You can ask for more.?

So the couple added maternity clothes, a new set of tires, and money for her husband?s prison commissary account, Klupp says. Then, in January 2010, she signed the initial legal paperwork for adoption, with the option to revoke. (In the U.S., an expectant mother has the right to change her mind anytime before birth, and after for a period that varies state by state. While a 2019 bill proposing an explicit federal ban of the sale of children failed in Congress, many states have such statutes and the practice is generally considered unlawful throughout the country.)  Klupp says she had recurring doubts about her decision. But when she called her ANLC counselor to ask whether keeping the child was an option, she says, ?they made me feel like, if I backed out, then the adoptive parents were going to come after me for all the money that they had spent.?

That would have been thousands of dollars. In shock, Klupp says, she hung up and never broached the subject again. The counselor, who no longer works with the company, denies telling Klupp she would have to pay back any such expense money. But Klupp?s then roommates?she had found housing at this point both recall her being distraught over the prospect of legal action if she didn?t follow through with the adoption. She says she wasn?t aware that an attorney, whose services were paid for by the adoptive parents, represented her.  ?I will never forget the way my heart sank,? says Klupp. ?You have to buy your own baby back almost.?

 Seeing no viable alternative, she ended up placing her son, and hasn?t seen him since he left the hospital 11 years ago.  Movies may portray the typical adoption as a childless couple saving an unwanted baby from a crowded orphanage. But the reality is that, at any given time, an estimated 1 million U.S. families are looking to adopt many of them seeking infants. That figure dramatically outpaces the number of available babies in the country. Some hopeful parents turn to international adoption, though in recent years other countries have curtailed the number of children they send abroad. There?s also the option to adopt from the U.S. foster-care system, but it?s an often slow-moving endeavor with a limited number of available infants. For those with means, there?s private domestic adoption.

ANLC was started in 1996 by Allan and Carol Gindi, who first called it the Adoption Network. The company says it has since worked on over 6,000 adoptions and that it?s the largest law corporation in the nation providing adoption services (though limited publicly available data makes that difficult to verify). ANLC?s home page is adorned with testimonials from grateful clients. Critics, however, see the organization as a paradigm of the largely unregulated private-adoption system in the U.S., which has made baby brokering a lucrative business.  Problems with private domestic adoption appear to be widespread. Interviews with dozens of current and former adoption professionals, birth parents, adoptive parents and reform advocates, as well as a review of hundreds of pages of documents, reveal issues ranging from commission schemes and illegal gag clauses to Craigslistesque ads for babies and lower rates for parents willing to adopt babies of any race. No one centrally tracks private adoptions in the U.S., but best estimates, from the Donaldson Adoption Institute (2006) and the National Council for Adoption (2014), respectively, peg the number of annual nonrelative infant adoptions at roughly 13,000 to 18,000. Public agencies are involved in approximately 1,000 of those, suggesting that the vast majority of domestic infant adoptions involve the private sector?and the market forces that drive it.  ?It?s a fundamental problem of supply and demand,? says Celeste Liversidge, an adoption attorney in California who would like to see reforms to the current system.

The scarcity of available infants, combined with the emotions of desperate adoptive parents and the advent of the Internet, has helped enable for-profit middlemen from agencies and lawyers to consultants and facilitators to charge fees that frequently stretch into the tens of thousands of dollars per case.  A 2021 ANLC agreement, reviewed by TIME and Newsy, shows that prospective parents were charged more than $25,000 in fees not including legal costs for finalizing the adoption, birth-mother expenses and other add-ons (like gender specification). The full tab, say former employees, can balloon to more than double that.  ?The money?s the problem,? says Adam Pertman, author of Adoption Nation and president of the National Center on Adoption and Permanency. ?Anytime you put dollar signs and human beings in the same sentence, you have a recipe for disaster.?

Even though federal tax credits can subsidize private adoptions (as much as $14,300 per child for the adopting parents), there is no federal regulation of the industry. Relevant laws governing everything from allowable financial support to how birth parents give their consent to an adoption are made at the state level and vary widely. Some state statutes, for example, cap birth-mother expenses, while others don?t even address the issue. Mississippi allows birth mothers six months to change their mind; in Tennessee, it?s just three days. After the revocation period is over, it?s ?too bad, so sad,? says Renee Gelin, president of Saving Our Sisters, an organization aimed at helping expectant parents preserve their families. ?The mother has little recourse.?

Liversidge founded the nonprofit AdoptMatch, which describes itself as a ?mobile app and online resource? that aims to ?increase an expectant parent?s accessibility to qualified adoptive parents and ethical adoption professionals.? She says the hodgepodge of state statutes invites abuse: ?Anyone that knows or learns the system it doesn?t take much can exploit those loopholes very easily for financial gain.?

Thirteen former ANLC employees, whose time at the organization spanned from 2006 to 2015, were interviewed for this story. Many asked to remain anonymous, out of fear of retaliation from the Gindis or ANLC. (The couple has filed multiple suits, including for defamation, over the years.) ?The risk is too great for my family,? wrote one former employee in a text to TIME and Newsy. But whether on or off the record, the former employees told largely similar stories of questionable practices at an organization profiting off both adoptive and expectant parents. ?These are such vulnerable people,? says one former employee. ?They deserve more than greed.?

The Gindis have long faced questions about their adoption work. In 2006, the Orange County district attorney filed a scathing complaint contending that while operating Adoption Network, the couple had committed 11 violations, including operating as a law firm without an attorney on staff and falsely advertising Carol as having nursing degrees. Admitting no wrongdoing, the Gindis agreed to pay a $100,000 fine.  Since around that time, the Gindis? exact involvement with ANLC has been difficult to discern amid a web of other companies, brands and titles. They both declined interview requests, but Allan did respond to emailed questions, explaining that he plays what he termed ?an advertising role? for ANLC, including for the company?s current president, Lauren Lorber (the Gindis? daughter), who took over the law practice in 2015. Before that, an attorney named Kristin Yellin owned ANLC. Former employees, though, say that despite an outwardly delineated setup, Allan in particular has remained heavily involved in ANLC operations. As far back as 2008, even though Yellin was the titular owner, ?everyone knew that Allan Gindi ran it,? according to former employee Cary Sweet.

(Sweet and other employees were plaintiffs in a 2010 discrimination and unlawful business practices lawsuit against ANLC. The company denied the allegations and the parties settled for an amount that Sweet says she isn?t allowed to reveal but called ?peanuts.?)

In an interview, Yellin bristled at the idea that Allan Gindi was in charge during her ownership period, saying, ?I realized what the Gindis? role was and how to put boundaries on that.?

Lorber, who declined an interview for this story, wrote via email that Allan has been a ?leader? in adoption marketing. He maintains, also by email, that over a 25-year period, each attorney for whom he has provided his ?highly specialized marketing services? has been ?more than satisfied.? In an earlier text message, Allan also characterized the reporting for this story as ?an attack on the wonderful work that Adoption Network has done and continues to do.?

Sweet, who worked with both expectant and adoptive parents at ANLC from 2008 to 2011, says she wasn?t aware of Klupp?s experience but remembers a situation involving a staff member?s threatening to call child protective services on a mother if she didn?t place her child for adoption. In a 2011 deposition taken as part of Sweet?s lawsuit, Yellin stated that the employee in question had told her that they had conveyed to the mother that ?if you end up not going through with this, you know social services will probably be back in your life.?

Yellin said that she found the comment inappropriate in context but did not perceive it as threatening or coercive.  Lorber, who has owned ANLC since late 2015, wrote in an email that she?s unaware of any incidents in which birth mothers were told they would have to pay back expenses if they chose not to place their child. But Klupp isn?t the only expectant mother to say she felt pressured by ANLC. Gracie Hallax placed two children through ANLC, in 2017 and 2018. Although the company arranged for lodging during her pregnancy (including, she says, in a bedbug-infested motel), she recalls an ANLC representative?s telling her that she could have to pay back expenses if she backed out of the adoptions. Madeline Grimm, a birth mother who placed her child through ANLC in 2019, also says she was informed that she might have to return expense money if she didn?t go through with the adoption. ?That was something that I would think of if I was having any kind of doubt,? she says. ?Like, well, sh-t, I?d have to pay all this back.?

The experiences described by Klupp, Hallax and Grimm fit a pattern of practices at ANLC that former employees say were concerning. Many describe a pervasive pressure to bring people whether birth parents or adoptive couples in the door. This was driven, at least in part, they say, by a ?profit sharing? model of compensation in which, after meeting certain targets, employees could earn extra by signing up more adoptive couples or completing more matches. Former employees say birth mothers who did multiple placements through ANLC were sometimes referred to as ?frequent flyers.? (Lorber and Yellin both say they have never heard that term.)  ?The whole thing became about money and not about good adoption practices,? says one former employee. As they saw it, ANLC made a priority of ?bringing in the next check.?

Adoptive parents, former employees say, were sometimes provided inaccurate statistics on how often the company?s attempts to matchmake were successful. ?They almost made it seem like birth mothers were lining up to give their babies away,? says one. ?That?s not reality.?

(Yellin says in the 2011 deposition that the data were outdated, not inaccurate.) Clients pay their fees in two nonrefundable installments, one at the beginning of the process and another after matching with a birth mother. As a result, former employees say, if the adoption fell through, there was little financial incentive for ANLC to rematch the parents, and those couples were routinely not presented to other birth mothers. ?Counselors were being pressured to do this by the higher-ups,? claims one former employee, recalling instructions to ?not match couples that are not bringing in money. Period.?

Some prospective adoptive parents whom the company deemed harder to match those who were overweight, for example, say former employees were given a limited agreement that timed out, rather than the standard open-ended contract. There was also a separate agreement for those willing to adopt Black or biracial babies, for which the company offered its services at a discount. (In her 2011 deposition, Yellin acknowledged that there were multiple versions of the agreement and providing staff with obesity charts. When asked if obesity was a reason clients got a limited agreement, she said, ?Specifically because they were obese, no.? In regard to whether what a couple looked like was considered, she responded, ?I can only speculate. I do not know.?)

Former ANLC employees also allege the company would encourage pregnant women to relocate to states where the adoption laws were more favorable and finalizations more likely. ?I believe it?s called venue hunting,? one recalls.

And while that former employee made sure to note that ANLC did produce some resoundingly positive, well-fitting adoptions, they say the outcome was largely a matter of luck, ?like throwing spaghetti on a refrigerator to see if it?ll stick.?

Yellin acknowledges that when she took over the company in 2007, ?there was a feeling that some of the adoption advisers had felt pressured just to make matches.?

But she says she worked to address that and other issues. Yellin says she put an end to the use of the limited agreement, and denies that ANLC ever advised birth mothers to relocate to other states to make an adoption easier. She also says she wasn?t aware of any instances of birth mothers? being coerced into placing their babies. Other practices, though, she defended. Charging lower fees to parents willing to adopt babies of any race makes business sense, Yellin says. ?Their marketing costs were lower. That?s just the reality of it.?

Lorber maintains that fee structure stopped in 2019. More broadly, she noted that of the thousands of parties that ANLC has worked with over the years, the complaint rate is less than half of 1% and ?that is one track record to be proud of!?

But ANLC?s practices over the years could have legal implications. Experts say that reports of any organization?s putting pressure on birth parents to go through with an adoption would raise concerns about whether those parents placed their children under duress which can be grounds for invalidating consent and potentially overturning adoptions. And ANLC may be violating consumer-protection laws with a clause in its agreement that makes clients ?agree not to talk negatively about ANLC?s efforts, service, positions, policies and employees with anyone, including potential Birth Parents, other adoption-related entities or on social media and other Internet platforms.?

The federal Consumer Review Fairness Act of 2016 makes contract clauses that restrict consumer reviews illegal, as does the 2014 California ?Yelp? bill. ?It would certainly be unlawful,? says Paul Levy, an attorney with the consumer-advocacy organization Public Citizen, who reviewed the agreement. ?If they put this in the contract, what do they have to hide??

Stories of enticement and pressure tactics in the private-adoption industry abound. Mother Goose Adoptions, a middle-man organization in Arizona, has pitched a ?laptop for life? program and accommodations in ?warm, sunny Arizona.? A Is 4 Adoption, a facilitator in California, made a payment of roughly $12,000 to a woman after she gave birth, says an attorney involved in the adoption case. While the company says it ?adheres to the adoption laws that are governed by the state of California,? the lawyer, who asked to remain anonymous because they still work on adoptions in the region, says they told A Is 4 Adoption?s owner, ?You should not be paying lump sums. It looks like you?re buying a baby.?

Jessalynn Speight worked for ANLC in 2015 and says private adoption is rife with problems: ?It?s much more rampant than anyone can understand.?

..Speight, whose nonprofit Tied at the Heart runs retreats for birth parents, worries that the industry sometimes turns into a cycle of dependency, as struggling women place multiple children as a means of financial support. (The same incentive may also encourage scamming adoptive birth parents, with purported birth parents who don?t actually intend to place a child for adoption or are never even pregnant.) Anne Moody, author of the 2018 book The Children Money Can Buy, about foster care and adoption, says the system can amount to ?basically producing babies for money.?

Claudia Corrigan D?Arcy, a birth-parent advocate and birth mother who blogs extensively about adoption, says she routinely hears of women facing expense-repayment pressures. Some states, such as California and Nevada, explicitly consider birth-parent expenses an ?act of charity? that birth parents don?t have to pay back. In other states, though, nothing prohibits adoption entities from trying to obligate birth parents to repay expenses when a match fails.  ?How is that not blackmail?? D?Arcy asks, emphasizing that in most states, fraud or duress can be a reason for invalidating a birth parent?s consent.

According to Debra Guston, adoption director for the Academy of Adoption & Assisted Reproduction Attorneys, conditioning support on a promise to repay or later demanding repayment if there is no placement is ?at very least unethical.?  States are ostensibly in charge of keeping private-adoption entities in line. Agencies are generally licensed or registered with the relevant departments of health, human services or children and families. Attorneys practice under the auspices of a state bar. But even when misdeeds are uncovered, action may be anemic and penalties minimal. In 2007, Dorene and Kevin Whisler were set to adopt through the Florida-based agency Adoption Advocates. When the agency told the Whislers the baby was born with disabilities, the couple decided not to proceed with the adoption?but they later found out that the baby was healthy and had been placed with a different couple, for another fee. After news coverage of the case, Adoption Advocates found itself under investigation. In a 2008 letter to Adoption Advocates, the Florida department of children and families (DCF) wrote that it had found ?expenses that are filed with the courts from your agency do not accurately reflect the expenses that are being paid to the natural mothers in many instances.? Although DCF temporarily put the organization on a provisional license, a spokesperson for the department says that after ?enhanced monitoring for compliance,? it relicensed the company, and there have been no issues or complaints since. (When contacted, Adoption Advocates? attorney replied that the company is ?unable to respond to your inquiries regarding specific individuals or cases.?)

More recently, in 2018, the Utah department of human services (DHS) revoked the license of an agency called Heart and Soul Adoptions, citing violations ranging from not properly searching for putative fathers (a requirement in Utah) to insufficient tracking of birth-mother expenses. Rules prohibit anyone whose license is revoked from being associated with another licensed entity for five years. But a year later Heart and Soul owner Denise Garza was found to be working with Brighter Adoptions. DHS briefly placed Brighter on a conditional license for working with Garza but has since lifted all sanctions and never assessed any fines.  Enforcement is even harder when middlemen operate as consultants, facilitators or advertisers or under any number of other murky titles that critics believe are sometimes used to skirt regulations. There is little clarity on who is supposed to oversee these more amorphous intermediaries.  Jennifer Ryan (who sometimes goes by ?Jennalee Ryan? or ?Jennifer Potter?) was first a ?facilitator? and is now a kind of middleman to adoption middle-men. Her ?national online advertising service? refers expectant parents to lawyers (including her own son), facilitators and other intermediaries; as of November 2020, the company was charging these middlemen fees starting at $18,800 for each birth-mother match (with the idea that the cost is passed on to families). Ryan declined an interview but, in an email, she says she does approximately 400 matches annually. Among the websites Ryan operates are Chosen Parents and Forever After Adoptions, which both include a section that lists babies for adoption, sort of like a Craigslist ad. One example from last August: ?AVAILABLE Indian (as in Southeast Asia India) Baby to be born in the state of California in 2021.  Estimated cost of this adoption is $35000.?

Many advocates say they would like to see reforms to private adoption in the U.S. Even Yellin, a proponent of private-sector involvement in the adoption space, says there probably ought to be more regulation. But calls for systematic change have remained largely unheeded, and agreeing on exactly what should be done can be difficult.  Some believe the problem could be addressed with greater federal-level oversight pointing to the foster-care system, which a division of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services helps administer, as an example (albeit an imperfect one). But Liversidge notes that family law has traditionally been a state issue and says that is where fixes should, and will likely need to, occur. She wants to see improvements such as an expansion of mandatory independent legal representation for birth parents, better tracking of adoption data and the reining in of excessive fees.  Illinois attempted to take a strong stand against adoption profiteering in a 2005 adoption-reform act, which barred out-of-state, for-profit intermediaries from engaging in adoption-related activities in the state. But Bruce Boyer, a law professor at Loyola University who championed the legislation, says, ?We couldn?t get anyone to enforce it.?

Only after much pushing and prodding, he adds, did advocates persuade the state to pursue a case against what Boyer called the ?worst? offender: ANLC.  The Illinois attorney general filed a complaint in 2013 alleging that ANLC was breaking the law by offering and advertising adoption services in the state without proper licensing or approval. To fight the suit, ANLC retained a high-profile Chicago law firm, and within months, the parties had reached a settlement. ANLC agreed that it would not work directly with Illinois-based birth parents, but it did not admit any wrongdoing and called the resolution ?fair and reasonable.? Boyer disagrees. ?They caved,? he says of the state. ?There were no meaningful consequences that came from a half-hearted attempt.? The attorney general?s office declined to comment.

What few changes have been made in adoption law are generally aimed at making the process easier for adoptive parents, who experts say tend to have more political and financial clout than birth parents. At the core of the inertia is lack of awareness. ?There?s an assumption in this country that adoption is a win-win solution,? says Liversidge. ?People don?t understand what?s going on.?

Many proponents of change would, at the very least, like to see private adoption move more toward a nonprofit model. ?It?s a baby-brokering business. That?s really what it?s turned into,? says Kim Anderson, chief program officer at the Nebraska Children?s Home Society, a nonprofit that does private adoptions only in Nebraska (with a sliding fee based on income) and which rarely allows adoptive parents to pay expenses for expectant parents.

Whatever shape reform ends up taking or mechanism it occurs through advocates say it will require a fundamental shift and decommodification of how the country approaches private adoption. ?A civilized society protects children and vulnerable populations. It doesn?t let the free market loose on them,? says Liversidge. Or, as Pertman puts it, ?Children should not be treated the same as snow tires.?

Yellin kept working with ANLC as an attorney until late 2018. By then, she says adoption numbers had dropped significantly because of increased competition and a decreasing number of expectant mothers seeking to place their babies. But the company seems to still be very much in the adoption business. During the pandemic, Adoption Pro Inc., which operates ANLC, was approved for hundreds of thousands of dollars in stimulus loans, and its social media accounts suggest it has plenty of adoptive-parent clients. According to data from the search analytics service SpyFu, ANLC has also run hundreds of ads targeting expectant parents. For example, if you Googled the term ?putting baby up for adoption? in January 2021, you might get shown an ANLC ad touting, ?Financial & Housing Assistance Available.?

Meanwhile, Allan Gindi continues to play an advertising role for ANLC (and to use an ?@adoptionnetwork.com? email address). Court documents connected to a bankruptcy case show that, in 2019, Gindi expected to make $40,000 per month in adoption-advertising income. (He says that number was not ultimately realized but did not provide any more details.) Lorber?s LinkedIn profile says that ANLC is a ?$5 million dollar per year? business. ?And that?s just one family in Southern California,? remarks Speight, who used to work for ANLC and who runs a birth-parent support nonprofit.

?Think about all of the other adoption agencies where couples are paying even more money.?

Klupp?s Facebook feed still cycles through ?memories? of posts she made when she was placing her son through ANLC. They?re mournful but positive, she says; in them, she tended to frame the decision as an unfortunate necessity that put her son in a loving home. ?I thought everything was really great,? recalls Klupp, who has since immersed herself in the online adoption community.

What she?s learned has slowly chipped away at the pleasant patina that once surrounded her adoption journey; such a shift is so common, it has a name, ?coming out of the fog.?  ?They take people who don?t have money and are scared, and they use your fear to set you up with an adoption that you can?t back out of,? Klupp says of the industry. ?I?m sure even the parents that adopted my son didn?t know half the stuff that went on behind the scenes. They probably paid this agency to find them a baby, and that?s what they cared about. And this agency takes this money from these people who are desperate.?

Klupp isn?t anti-adoption; in fact, she?s been trying to adopt out of foster care. The problem, she says, is the profit. Today, she believes she has a better understanding of the extent to which ANLC influenced her and now views her decision as, at the very least, deliberately ill informed, if not outright coerced. She says she?s taken to deleting the Facebook posts about her son?s adoption as the reminders pop up they?re too painful.  ?It seems like the agencies have some universal handbook on how to convince doubtful moms,? she says. ?I know in my heart that I would have kept my son if I had had the right answers.?

?With reporting by Mariah Espada and Madeline Roache
32
Articles / Adoptees 4 Times More Likely to Attempt Suicide
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 13, 2024, 04:43:28 PM »
https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/810625?form=fpf#vp_2

Adoptees 4 Times More Likely to Attempt Suicide

Jenni Laidman

Adopted offspring were nearly 4 times more likely to attempt suicide than nonadopted offspring, according to a study published online September 9 in the Pediatrics.

The study included 692 adopted children and 540 nonadopted children, all residing in Minnesota. Fifty-six offspring in the study attempted suicide; 47 of those were adoptees.

The study's lead author cautioned, however, that the increased risk did not characterize adopted children as a whole. "The majority of adoptees are psychologically healthy," Margaret A. Keyes, PhD, told Medscape Medical News. Dr. Keyes is a research associate at the Department of Psychology, University of Minnesota, Minneapolis. "With elevated risk, we are talking about a very small number of people."

Dr. Keyes and colleagues conducted an initial interview of children and parents and then completed a second assessment roughly 3 years later (mean interval, 3.36 years; standard deviation [SD], 0.45 years) between 1998 and 2008. The appraisal included a comprehensive mental health assessment, a personality assessment, an assessment for the presence of childhood disruptive disorders such as oppositional defiant disorder, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, major depressive disorder, and substance abuse disorders. Parents and children were asked separately whether the child had attempted suicide.
Among the 47 adoptees who attempted suicide between the first and second assessment, 16 were boys and 31 were girls; of the 9 nonadoptees who attempted suicide, 4 were boys and 5 were girls.

The odds ratio (OR) for reported suicides among adoptees compared with nonadoptees was 4.23, after adjusting for age and sex. When the odds were adjusted for factors associated with suicidal behavior, such as substance abuse, depression, disruptive behavior disorders, and disruption in family and school life, the OR remained significantly elevated, at 3.70.

Dr. Keyes said this research is in line with findings in earlier studies, including research in Sweden showing increased numbers of suicide attempts among adoptees. A 2002 Lancet study also found that intercountry adoptees were more likely than other Swedish-born children both to die from suicide (OR, 3.6) and to attempt suicide (OR, 3.6).

"They have documented this [increased risk] in very large national cohort studies," Dr. Keyes said. A US study published in Pediatrics in 2001 also found an increased suicide risk among adoptees. In that study, the researchers assessed 6577 adolescents, including 214 adoptees. Of those, 7.6% of adoptees attempted suicide compared with 3.1% of children living with their biological families.

The current study should stand as a warning to clinicians to take the concerns of adoptive parents seriously, Dr. Keyes said. "Adoptive parents are sometimes viewed as overreporters and quick to refer to helping agencies, social service agencies, or their family doctor. I think their concerns should be taken seriously and not necessarily viewed as overreporting or overanxiousness. They may be looking at a real phenomenon in their family."
The authors did not find that specific adoption factors, including age of adoption placement, ethnic minority status, intercountry adoption, and domestic placement, predicted suicide attempts. However, a variety of behavioral issues were more common among suicide attempters than nonattempters (aggregate risk, 1.9 SD), and those same behaviors were more common among adoptees than nonadoptees (aggregate risk, 0.31 SD).

Among the risks associated more consistently with adoptees were childhood disruptive disorders (mean difference [d], 0.40; 95% confidence interval [CI], 0.27 - 0.53; P < .001), reports of family discord (d, 0.40 [95% CI, 0.22 - 0.58; P < .001] when reported by parents and d, 0.26 [95% CI, 0.12 - 0.39; P < .001] when reported by children), academic disengagement (d, 0.21; 95% CI, 0.08 - 0.27; P < .001). Adoptees also had greater levels of teacher-reported externalizing behavior (d, 0.28; 95% CI, 0.12 - 0.43; P < .001) and teacher-reported negative mood (d, 0.34; 95% CI, 0.20 - 0.48; P < .001).

The researchers note, however, that these differences were more pronounced when they compared those who attempted suicide and those who did not, regardless of adoptive/nonadoptive status. The authors reported a d of 1.05 (95% CI, 0.76 - 1.33) for childhood disruptive disorders between attempters and nonattempters and 1.05 (95% CI, 0.76 -1.34) for major depressive disorder (P < .001 for both), a d of 0.64 (95% CI, 0.36 - 0.91) for substance disorders (P < .001), a mean difference of 0.71 (95% CI, 0.43 - 0.99) for low control (P < .001), a d of 0.69 (95% CI, 0.41 - 0.97) for alienation (P < .001), and a d of 0.52 (95% CI, 0.23 - 0.81; P < .001) for low well being.

Parent-reported family discord was also greater for attempters than nonattempters (d, 1.01; 95% CI, 0.67 - 1.34; P < .001), as was child-reported family discord (d, 0.92; 95% CI, 0.61- 1.23; P < .001). Teacher ratings for externalizing behavior and negative mood were also higher for those who attempted suicide (d, 0.92 [95% CI, 0.57 - 1.27] for externalizing behavior; d, 0.71 [95% CI, 0.37 - 1.05] for negative mood; P < .001 for both).

The mean age for adopted children in the Minnesota study was 14.95 years (SD, 1.9 years); nonadoptees had a mean age of 14.89 years (SD, 1.9 years). All the adopted children had been placed in permanent homes before the age of 2 years (mean, 4.7 months; SD, 3.4 months), and 96% were placed before 1 year. Seventy-four percent of the adoptees were born outside the United States; 90% of the international adoptees were born in South Korea, and 60% of the international adoptees were girls.

Chuck Johnson, president of the National Council for Adoption, an Alexandria, Virginia?based advocacy organization, emphasized the good news from the study, saying that most adoptees are not at risk for suicide.
"It doesn't surprise me that children who've been adopted in great numbers have struggles, which, I guess, if you took to its natural consequences, would increase the suicide rate," he told Medscape Medical News. "But the thing that really comes out at me is it appears a vast majority of children are doing really well."

The authors and the commenter have disclosed no relevant financial relationships.

Pediatrics. Published online September 9, 2013. Abstract


33
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-12948247/surrogate-mother-childhood-unhappy-banned.html

I was born via surrogate but from Day One there was no bond with my mother and my childhood was unhappy. That's why I believe so strongly that this cruel and immoral practice should be banned

By Olivia Maurel

Published: 02:53, 11 January 2024 | Updated: 07:29, 11 January 2024

Growing up, I couldn't understand why I was born in Louisville, Kentucky. There it was in black and white on my birth certificate, yet it didn't make any sense. My parents had never lived in Kentucky, we weren't American and had no family connections to the place whatsoever.  When I asked my mother, she told me she chose Kentucky because it was where her favourite film, Gone With The Wind, was set (it wasn't) and she always wanted her child to be born in such a romantic location. It's also why she called me Olivia after one of the film's stars, Olivia de Havilland.  At the time, I thought this was a beautiful story, like a fairy tale.  Many years later, however, I discovered my mother's fairy-tale fantasy concealed a devastating truth; I was born in Kentucky because an American surrogate gave birth to me there.  Mere seconds after I was born, I had been rapidly removed from the woman who had become pregnant with me using her own eggs and had carried me for nine months. Rather than being placed in my biological mother's arms to be nurtured and adored, I was handed over to a man and woman who had, put simply, paid an awful lot of money for me.  My birth 31 years ago may have concluded this particular financial transaction, but it was just the beginning of a trauma that I struggle to cope with to this day.  It seems barely a week goes by without a celebrity declaring the birth of a child born via surrogacy, be it Paris Hilton or Khloe Kardashian.  In the UK, the Law Commission has put forward a recommendation that would see parents who use surrogates get legal status from birth.  Currently the surrogate mother is the legal parent until the intended parents gain a parental order, which can take months. Yet while my heart truly goes out to any woman who longs to have a child, as someone who was the product of a surrogacy birth, I can never cheer these announcements.  My experiences have led me to conclude that surrogacy is nothing short of cruel an immoral act that can cause lifelong damage.  Becoming a parent myself entirely naturally, in my mid-20s has only crystallised my view. The sacred bond between mother and baby is, I feel, something that should never be tampered with.  When writing about the trauma adopted children are said to suffer after being taken from their birth mothers, some psychologists refer to this emotional and physical severance as 'the primal wound'.  I believe it's the same for children born via surrogacy: a profoundly painful experience that disrupts the innate connections between birthing mother and child.  Little wonder, perhaps, that I have such unhappy memories of my childhood. Even as a young child, I had a sense that something was 'off' in my family. My French parents were very wealthy, and we split our time between Palm Beach in Florida and the South of France, living in fabulous homes, with a full complement of nannies and staff.  My education was the best money could buy; we went on the sort of holidays most people could only dream of.  Materially, I wanted for nothing. But emotionally it was a different story.  Neither of my parents were affectionate 'huggy' types and a succession of nannies, an army of different women, looked after me much of the time.  Why, you might wonder, when my parents went to such lengths to have me, did I not feel showered with love?

I simply don't know. Mum was 49 when I was born; it could be her age made it harder for her or the lack of that precious biological connection between us. Whatever the cause, there was no bond from day one.  I was so needy as a young child, I would scream the place down if my parents left the house. It got so bad they had to take me and a nanny with them if they went out to have dinner with friends.  Things were no better at school, where I was so clingy I suffocated friends until they grew sick of me and dumped me.  The older I got, the more I realised how unusual and unlikely it was for someone of my mother's age to have a baby. And I couldn't get Louisville, Kentucky, out of my head. When I was 16, I did some online research and saw Gone With The Wind wasn't set in Kentucky it was set in Georgia.  But what did keep showing up in my online searches was that Louisville was a big centre for surrogacy. Instantly, something clicked.  When further research revealed surrogacy was illegal in France still the case today I put two and two together.  The realisation that I had been lied to all my life sent me spiralling out of control as I tried to blot out my feelings.  My dark worries were kept to myself; I never spoke to my parents about this. That would have necessitated a closeness that just didn't exist. Lonely and confused, I started on a journey of self-destruction.  I drank heavily, smoked marijuana and partied non-stop, anything to stop the thoughts that plagued me. Was my mother really my mother at all?

Who was I?

My parents no doubt thought I was a troubled teen who would just sort herself out eventually.  But my depression deepened to such an extent that, after leaving home, I made several suicide attempts, which my parents knew nothing about.  My behaviour became more reckless. Now aged 20 and living in France full-time, one night, after drinking to the point of annihilation, I was raped. Telling the police wasn't an option because I felt so ashamed and blamed myself.  Finally, I realised I needed to escape from this cycle of trauma. I sought out a therapist, and weaned myself off drink and drugs.  Shortly afterwards I met Matthias, the man who became my husband. He was my saviour and psychologist all in one. Without him, I don't think I would be here today.  We married when I was 24 and I soon became pregnant with my daughter Eleanor, now six. Having been raised by an older mother, I was certain I wanted to be a young mum.  While I had no proof I had been born via a surrogate when I fell pregnant, I felt it with every fibre of my being. I told everyone as much, including my husband and his loving family. My pregnancy progressed well. As my unborn daughter began to kick, it raised all sorts of feelings.  Even before I'd held her in my arms, I knew you could offer me millions and I'd never give her up.  There was an almost transcendent joy at the thought of this little one being so close to me in my womb. That feeling continued in my subsequent pregnancies: my sons Theodore and August are four and two respectively.  Perhaps understandably, I was highly focused on my own children's births being just right. I wanted home births for all (although I ended up having a hospital delivery with my daughter) and for them to be instantly placed on me for skin-to-skin bonding, just as Mother Nature intended.  It was my mother-in-law who helped me definitively find out the truth of my parentage. For my 30th birthday in 2022 she bought me a kit for one of those DNA ancestry sites.  Before taking it, I decided to tackle my father. One day, while driving to our holiday home in the mountains, I said: 'Dad, I know I was born via a surrogate. I know Mum didn't give birth to me and you need to tell me because I deserve the truth.'

He replied: 'I need to talk to your mother before I can tell you anything.'

It was enough for me; with this sentence, he had effectively confirmed my fears. I waited for him or Mum to come back to me with the full story, but they never did, and I didn't see the point in asking again.  I sent my DNA sample off and was very quickly matched with a first cousin living in America.  I messaged her and said I believed I had been born via surrogacy. Although it was an awkward thing to ask, did she know if anyone in her family had acted as a surrogate?

She replied straight away: 'I know someone.'

I felt my life change instantly: nerves, excitement and, yes, pain, overwhelmed me.  She put me in touch with my half-brother, who in turn put me in touch with my three half-sisters.  They were so loving and willing to answer my endless questions and, slowly, I learned the whole story.  Their mother was the surrogate who had given birth to me and was also my biological mother.  Most surrogates are what is called 'gestational carriers' they carry the baby and deliver it but are not biologically related. Incubators, in other words.  But my birth mother had used her own eggs and was artificially inseminated with my father's sperm.  Aged 38 when she had me, she already had five children with her husband. Her youngest child died in a tragic accident when he was two.  Shortly afterwards, she contacted the surrogacy agency. She was so obviously grieving I believe she should never have been accepted as a suitable candidate initially, she didn't even tell her husband about her plans.  But, in my view, as surrogacy involves vast sums of money, the wellbeing of birthing mothers is all too easily overlooked.  After a while, my American siblings told me my biological mother wanted to make contact.  We began to exchange messages. At first, I felt such anger. I wanted to ask her: 'Why did you keep five of your children and sell me? Why wasn't I good enough to keep?'

Instead, though, I asked her favourite colour. Purple. Same as me. She sent me pictures of herself pregnant with me and I felt suddenly connected. She looked just like me: the eyes, the hair, the jawline. That was my mother all right.  It was the first time I'd looked like a relative.  She told me that every year on my birthday she thought about me and said a prayer. I want to believe her, but am not sure I do. Those things are easy to say to a person desperate to hear them.  More than anything, I wanted to know about my birth.  I learned that my birthday was chosen for me the pregnancy had been induced so I arrived on December 10, a date that fitted in with my parents' travel plans. Even my arrival was contractual and unnatural.  My birth mother was asked if she wanted to hold me and says she told the midwife: 'No, I can't. Because if I do I know I'll never let her go.'

Instead, I was taken away by the nurse and she never saw me again.  After a few weeks, our messages petered out. I don't think we'll be in touch again.  Sadly, I believe she suffers with mental health issues and has disconnected relationships with all of her children.  That said, I have an ongoing relationship with my cousin, her mother (my aunt) and my half-siblings. They have become the family I always wanted and I hope one day we can all get together in the flesh.  At last, after decades of suspicion, I had absolute proof of what had happened to me.  Yet I didn't confront my parents. I felt as if I would be spitting in their faces somehow.  They paid a lot of money to have me commercial surrogacy can run into six-figure sums they had raised me and I still felt a loyalty towards them. I had hoped that knowing all would bring me closure. Instead, hearing the truth plunged me into a depression and I was forced again to seek psychological help.  The more I reeled from my discovery, the more I realised I had to use my experiences to help other people.  Last year, I posted a video on TikTok which led to me becoming involved with the campaign that calls for the universal abolition of surrogacy. I ended up telling my story at an international conference on surrogacy held at the parliament of the Czech Republic. My speech went viral.  I've been moved to tears by the messages I have had from women who tell me how deeply they regret their decisions to be surrogates and how they pine for the babies they gave up.  We can only protect women like them and the babies they have if we ban all forms of surrogacy, including so-called altruistic surrogacy, where the surrogate is not paid a fee for carrying a child, as is the case in Britain.  After much thought, I have concluded that altruistic surrogacy is a myth.  Even in countries such as the UK where commercial arrangements are banned, large sums are paid in the form of expenses.  The reality is a woman's body is still being rented and a baby is still going to be separated from its birth mother. In my view, it makes no difference if the surrogate is not the biological mother.  It's her womb that has nurtured the child. It's her voice the baby has heard day in, day out, as it grows within her. It's her scent that will soothe the child. It is her they feel bonded to.

And while I feel so deeply for those who cannot have children, the sad reality is we can't all have what we want in life.  From all my research, I cannot see there is a 'good' version of surrogacy. In countries where it is or has been legal, it has often gone wrong.  For example, Thailand banned surrogacy for international intended parents completely in 2015 after a high-profile case where an Australian couple hired a surrogate who gave birth to twins, a healthy girl and a boy with Down's Syndrome.  The couple took the girl home and left the impoverished mother to care for the boy.  This week I heard about one British agency that offers financial incentives to potential surrogates: Apple watches, theme park tickets, gourmet meal kits, even sex toys.  I knew the minute I started to speak out publicly I would become estranged from my parents.  Sadly, that's exactly what has happened. They see their grandchildren but we don't speak any more. In a way, it's a continuation of the awkwardness and distance that has always been there. That said, I love them and don't bear a grudge.  But I'm unable to stay silent while I still struggle with the traumatic legacy of surrogacy.

As told to Claudia Connell 
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https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/aug/11/the-children-who-say-they-were-wrongly-taken-for-adoption

?My mother spent her life trying to find me?: the children who say they were wrongly taken for adoption

For years, Bibi Hasenaar felt rejected because she was adopted aged four. Then she saw a photo that described her as missing ? and began to uncover an astonishing dark history
Rosie Swash and Thaslima Begum
Fri 11 Aug 2023 06.00 BST
Last modified on Fri 11 Aug 2023 12.39 BST

Bibi Hasenaar has had two lives. One began in November 1976, when she was about four, arriving in the Netherlands to meet her adoptive parents. ?I remember it vividly. There?s a photo of us at the airport with other children arriving from Bangladesh it was published in a Dutch paper.?

Her older brother Babu was there, too.  Her other life appears only in fragments. She remembers being in a children?s home with another older brother and having her food stolen by older children. ?It was not a nice place to be,?

Hasenaar says. Her only memory of their mother is her long black hair. But of the flight out of Bangladesh, she remembers every detail. At her kitchen table in the village of Muiderberg, 30 minutes? drive east of Amsterdam, sipping hot water and fresh ginger, the 51-year-old slowly recounts the long journey that changed her life.  The plane, which felt huge to Hasenaar, who was malnourished and small for her age, was empty save for the four or five children who were being escorted for adoption. Babu was holding a black and white picture of his new family, but, Hasenaar says: ?No one explained anything to me; I didn?t know what was happening.?

She remembers a constant feeling of shock, interrupted briefly by awe when the plane took off and she realised they were in the sky. The only adult she recognised was an English woman she had seen at the children?s home in Bangladesh, who was there to escort them to their new families. At one point, Hasenaar became hysterical. ?They tied me to the seat with a rope because I could not be calmed. I wasn?t allowed to go to my brother in the rows ahead; I just felt so alone.?

At Schiphol airport, things got worse. The children were taken to await the arrival of their adoptive parents. ?It was a big room, and I felt very cold,? Hasenaar says. ?They wouldn?t let me go to my brother.?

To her horror, she soon discovered why: Babu had been adopted by a different family. Hasenaar began to cry inconsolably.  Bibi Hasenaar has had two lives. One began in November 1976, when she was about four, arriving in the Netherlands to meet her adoptive parents. ?I remember it vividly. There?s a photo of us at the airport with other children arriving from Bangladesh it was published in a Dutch paper.?

Her older brother Babu was there, too.  Her other life appears only in fragments. She remembers being in a children?s home with another older brother and having her food stolen by older children. ?It was not a nice place to be,? Hasenaar says.

Her only memory of their mother is her long black hair. But of the flight out of Bangladesh, she remembers every detail. At her kitchen table in the village of Muiderberg, 30 minutes? drive east of Amsterdam, sipping hot water and fresh ginger, the 51-year-old slowly recounts the long journey that changed her life.  The plane, which felt huge to Hasenaar, who was malnourished and small for her age, was empty save for the four or five children who were being escorted for adoption. Babu was holding a black and white picture of his new family, but, Hasenaar says: ?No one explained anything to me; I didn?t know what was happening.?

She remembers a constant feeling of shock, interrupted briefly by awe when the plane took off and she realised they were in the sky. The only adult she recognised was an English woman she had seen at the children?s home in Bangladesh, who was there to escort them to their new families. At one point, Hasenaar became hysterical. ?They tied me to the seat with a rope because I could not be calmed. I wasn?t allowed to go to my brother in the rows ahead; I just felt so alone.?

At Schiphol airport, things got worse. The children were taken to await the arrival of their adoptive parents. ?It was a big room, and I felt very cold,? Hasenaar says. ?They wouldn?t let me go to my brother.?

To her horror, she soon discovered why: Babu had been adopted by a different family. Hasenaar began to cry inconsolably.  After three days with her new family, she was still in distress. ?My new parents got in contact with the adoption agency and said: ?It?s not possible for this girl to stay here she is so sad and just wants to be with her brother.??

The couple who had adopted Babu agreed to take her, too.  But Hasenaar says she felt unwanted, both by her second adoptive family, who had only asked for one child, and by her birth mother, who she believed had given her up. Life in the Dutch village was completely alien. ?I had to sleep when I wasn?t tired, eat when I wasn?t hungry,? she says.

While Babu who chose not to be interviewed for this article adapted, Hasenaar says she has always been headstrong. ?You can do what you want to me, but I don?t change my mind. So I think that was for my Dutch parents the most difficult part. Family life was awful.?

As a teenager, she strove for independence, taking on numerous part-time jobs. ?I was also a little bit crazy,? she laughs. ?I have done things that are not good for you to print.?

Even now, Hasenaar seems like a woman determined to enjoy life on her own terms. During a tour of the eccentric property she is renovating with Herman, her husband of 34 years, she says: ?It used to be a commune, for people who liked to live off-grid I would like to do that myself one day.?

The huge garden is dotted with chickens and colourful hanging ornaments; in a field behind her house, there are two camels. She shows off a huge scar on her thigh where one of them recently bit her.  Hasenaar left home at 17 to be with Herman, whom she married in 1991. ?He saved me,? she says, matter of factly. ?And his family were so nice to me; they just accepted me.?

She and Herman had children quickly, and Hasenaar was a mother of four by the time she was 26. Sometime in 1993 when she was in her early 20s, had two young children, and was working in a bar and studying part-time Hasenaar began receiving letters from a person in Bangladesh claiming to represent her birth mother. The letters claimed that she had never intended to give her children up for adoption. ?There was no internet then, no way of checking anything,? she says.

Several letters arrived bearing the notary stamp of a Dhaka-based lawyer, asking for money to help with the case. After posting back the equivalent of a few hundred pounds in cash, Hasenaar heard nothing.  She contacted Wereldkinderen (World Children), the charity that had facilitated her adoption in 1976 while operating under the name BIA. ?They told me that my mother was making it up because she was ashamed." 

Hasenaar suggested she go to Bangladesh to investigate. ?They told me it was dangerous to travel there, especially while pregnant, and that I would be seen by Muslims as an unbeliever. I was young and ignorant, and my adopted parents were always talking positively about the organisation, so I trusted them. I decided it would be unsafe to go.?

I looked at the old newspaper pictures and I said to myself: ?That?s my brother.? And then: ?That?s me!?

The letters stopped. With few options left, Hasenaar focused on raising her family. Then, in the summer of 2017, a friend sent her a link to a documentary. It was about children who had been adopted in the Netherlands, and a man who had discovered he had been taken from Bangladesh without his mother?s consent. ?He talked about missing children,? Hasenaar says. ?I immediately got goosebumps.?

An elderly woman appeared on screen, holding an old newspaper. Hasenaar could barely take in what she was seeing. ?There were at least four children described as ?missing persons? in that newspaper. I looked at the pictures and said to myself: ?That?s my brother.? And then: ?That?s me!? I couldn?t believe what I was seeing.?

She dug out her adoption papers, which she had never closely examined before. She realised her date of birth was wrong, and she was listed as having arrived alone. ?It felt so surreal,? she says. ?All of a sudden, everything changed. I always felt that there was nobody in the whole world who wanted to take care of me, or who was missing me. And I realised, looking at those pictures my mother, she really was trying to find me.?

Six months earlier, in January 2017, a man named Abdel Kader heard that a documentary crew, alongside a charity, was looking into the possible disappearance of children from Bangladesh?s Tongi region 40 years earlier. Kader knew he had to approach them with his own family?s story.  Tongi, situated on the outskirts of Dhaka, was once home to the Dattapara camp for refugees of the 1971 war. The brutal nine‑month conflict, during which East Pakistan broke away and became an independent state, was one of the bloodiest of the 20th century. It was the result of the Pakistani army?s violent response to Bengalis seeking self-rule, and saw mass rape, ethnic cleansing and airstrikes that razed entire villages to the ground.  By the time Bangladesh had won independence in December 1971, hundreds of thousands had been killed and millions more displaced. To resettle slum dwellers in the capital, three camps were set up; one of these was Dattapara. Conditions at the camp were deplorable, and in 1975 various NGOs including Oxfam, World Vision and the Salvation Army arrived to provide aid. In the years after the charities left, the camp grew into a slum, and a sense of despair still lingers today: a high school sits on the mass burial site of a genocide.  In the middle of the small bazaar of Tongi?s Ershad Nagar neighbourhood stands a set of tall iron gates bearing the letters ?TDH?. The building, now used to administer ad-hoc health services, such as Covid-19 vaccines, was once the site of a children?s relief programme run by Terre des Hommes Netherlands (TDHn), a European NGO. Local families claim that in the 1970s the programme was used as a cover to kidnap young children for adoption abroad. TDHn denies these allegations, saying it was not and has never been an adoption agency.  After becoming displaced during the war, Kader?s family arrived in Tongi ? and never left. They were incredibly poor. There was no chance of employment at the camp, and Kader?s mother, Samina Begum, a widow in her early 30s, had been left to care for three young children. Her situation was distressingly common, and like most of her neighbours, she survived on handouts from local charities, including TDHn, which distributed food and rations from a building inside the camp.  In autumn 1976, when Kader was 16, his mother was approached by men claiming to be TDHn foreign aid workers who told her they ran a children?s home within the camp where she could enrol her two youngest children, Bablu and Rahima, aged five and four. Wary, Begum turned them down, but then different men, some Bangladeshi but one described by Kader?s family as a white man, all claiming to work for TDHn, kept returning with promises. Other mothers had done the same thing, they told her. The children would be fed and educated, they said. The home could provide medical care. TDHn says the organisation did not run a children?s home and did not mandate staff to engage in adoption-related work.  Kader says that after being assured she could visit and that the children would be returned to her when they were older, Begum finally gave in.  The following week, she went to the building where she had dropped her children off, but the guards wouldn?t let her in. Though she was briefly allowed to see Bablu during one visit, the week after that they told her the children?s home was temporarily closed. In the third week, they said her children had been taken to another location. In a state of panic, Begum demanded to see Bablu and Rahima. In response, Kader said she was threatened with a gun and told never to come back. Begum would later learn that her children had been taken to the Netherlands for adoption and now went by their middle names, Babu and Bibi. She never saw them again.

My mother was a fighter. Trying to find ways to get her children back consumed her everyday life

Kader, 63, suffered a stroke in March 2023 that left him unable to move properly and struggling to breathe. But when describing what happened to his mother, fury enters his voice. ?Listen, my mother was a fighter. From that moment, trying to find ways to get her children back consumed her life.?

He remembers going with his mother to the police station so she could report what had happened to her children. ?She was literally thrown out,? Kader says angrily. ?We were poor. It was difficult to get our voices heard.?

Undaunted, she approached a lawyer for help, and asked a local journalist to place a picture of her missing children in a newspaper ? the one that was featured in the documentary Hasenaar saw.  Samina died in 2008. ?My mother was a strong woman, but fighting the system for so long took its toll on her,? Kader says.

Once energetic and joyful, she became withdrawn and fell into depression. ?She stopped talking and eating. There were days where I couldn?t even recognise her. In the process of losing my siblings, I felt I had lost my mother, too.  I was only 16 when they were taken. That day changed my life forever,? he says. ?My father died during the war, so my mother was all we had. I was a lot older than my siblings and it was often my job to look out for them, so when they were taken I felt partly responsible. There were three of us siblings, and then all of a sudden it was just me. I felt very alone,? he says.

Hasenaar and Kader had their first phone call in 2017. It was a conversation fractured by translation issues, but laden with emotion. Hasenaar wept as her brother told her their mother had died. A few weeks later, the siblings were reunited at the airport in Dhaka. ?I couldn?t believe my eyes when I first saw Abdel,? Hasenaar recalls. ?He looked exactly like my brother Babu. They even dressed and spoke in the same manner. When we reached the village where I am from, everyone came out to welcome me. They told me how much I looked like my mother, and that made me really happy.?

In finding out the truth about her mother and the circumstances of her adoption, Hasenaar has also unearthed details of a scandal, mired in the turmoil and poverty of Tongi, and decades-old allegations of an adoption ring. Samina Begum was one of dozens of mothers who made the allegations against TDHn. All claim they handed over their children believing it to be for temporary care, only to discover that they had vanished abroad to be adopted by strangers. The charity says it investigated the claims and found them to be ?wholly incorrect?, adding that many local people wrongly understood TDHn to be an adoption agency, which it was not. But Begum was seemingly undeterred and is described as having built a coalition of mothers to fight for the return of their children.  ?Samina was incredibly brave,? says Sayrun Nisa, another mother who lives nearby and also claims her child was taken. The group of mothers that Begum had convened protested outside TDHn offices. ?She knew how to make a lot of noise. She would tell us that we couldn?t just sit by and do nothing. That we had to fight to get our children back,? Nisa says.

The ?boarding school scam?, as it is often referred to, is well known to those who work in international child protection. It is a simple, brutal trick played on families in desperate circumstances. ?Generally, the scam works best in locations where poor parents commonly send children to a ?boarding school?, ?orphanage? or similar for food, shelter and education, often where the majority of children are there temporarily a kind of safety net for poor families,? says David M Smolin, an expert on illegal international adoption practices, who lives in Alabama.  Smolin cites examples in Nepal and Cambodia. ?Sometimes the parents know the child is going to a foreign country but understand it to be a kind of study-abroad opportunity, and expect that they will have continuing contact.?

He knows this because he and his wife decided to adopt two girls from India in 1998. As soon as the girls then adolescents despite being listed as aged nine and 11 by the adoption agency ? arrived, the couple realised from their agitated state that something was seriously wrong. ?About six weeks after their arrival in the US, my wife and I received information from another adoptive family suggesting that the mother had not consented and that the father was not as we had understood dead,? Smolin says.

They discovered that the children had been taken after their mother placed them in a children?s institution for what she believed was temporary care. But it took six years for the Smolins to establish the truth. ?The most shocking thing was that no one seemed to care that our adoptive daughters might have been, in effect, kidnapped,? he says. ?The agency did not seem to care, the governments did not seem to care, other adoptive parents did not seem to care, and the psychologist we consulted did not seem to care. It shocked us that you could have stolen children in your home and no one would think that was a problem.?

It was only with the help of the prominent Indian activist Gita Ramaswamy that the Smolins were able to find the girls? mother, who said that, when she discovered her children were gone and asked for them back, she was told that the orphanage had spent a lot of money on the care of the children, and named an impossible sum that would be required for her to get them back. Of course, this was not correct; but, again, without literacy, lawyers, a certain status in society, she was powerless.  ?What happened to us and our daughters profoundly changed our understanding not just of adoption, but the world,? Smolin says. ?We realised for the first time the depth of injustice in which some people count, and others simply do not. 

The couple helped the girls reunite with their mother, and Smolin has since dedicated much of his career to exposing enforced adoption.  Nigel Cantwell has worked on international adoption for more than 30 years. He identifies the ?boarding school scam? as one of a number of methods used to secure illegal adoptions. Others include falsely informing a mother their child is stillborn, obtaining consent by manipulation, falsifying documents, and straightforward abduction.  He says: ?From the 1950s to the early 1970s, international adoption was driven by a humanitarian response to the perceived problems of newly decolonised countries, and to war and disaster. But then this saviour ideology was rapidly reinforced and even overtaken by the realisation that intercountry adoption was a means of family formation.?

There was no effective legal framework in place for international adoption. ?It was the wild west,? says expert Nigel Cantwell

International adoptions from developing countries to the west began to rise in the 70s. ?The received wisdom is that there were fewer children to adopt nationally because of better access to contraception, and the diminishing stigmatisation of single mothers.?

There was no effective legal framework in place. ?It was the wild west,? he says. ?Undocumented children were being taken across borders, their identities completely wiped out. The process was increasingly tainted by deliberately illegal, demand‑led, nasty actions.?

Adoption from Bangladesh seems to have mirrored the pattern identified by Cantwell, moving from emergency response to a business model. One horrifying element of the 1971 conflict was the use of ethnic rape as a weapon of war against Bengali women, leaving thousands of forced pregnancies in its wake.  The government responded by introducing emergency legislation that permitted late-term abortions, and the Bangladesh Abandoned Children Order, which allowed foreigners to adopt the thousands of ?war babies? who had been left at orphanages around the country. In 1972, hundreds travelled to do just that, arriving in a chaotic country assembling itself from the ruins of war. Prospective parents would arrive at orphanages and pick their baby from a row of cots.  Within a few years, there were a number of charities formally organising the adoption of Bangladeshi children to foreign countries. Soon, older children were routinely available for foreign adoption, too. Adoptees were often transferred to the care of new parents with little more than a piece of paper confirming their name and orphan status. In other cases, charity workers were apparently open about making up the details of children in their care, to hurry along the bureaucratic process.  It?s hard to establish an accurate number of Bangladeshi adoptions abroad during the 1970s. Children were sent to countries including Canada, the US and the UK. Official figures show that between 1975 and 1979, 454 children were adopted in the Netherlands alone. Many, like Bibi Hasenaar, came from Tongi.  What went wrong with the Dutch adoptions during this period remains the source of major dispute between the former country director of TDHn, Moslem Ali Khan, who also worked for BIA, and the dozens of families who maintain their allegations that he and TDHn stole their children, claims that they both deny.  Several of the mothers still living in Tongi repeat these claims when interviewed for this article. One woman, now 80, says she was tricked into giving her son over to men claiming to work for TDHn, and has not seen him since. Another witness claims to have seen a truckload of children being driven away from Tongi in the summer of 1977 as parents chased the vehicle, crying. One mother claims that her newborn baby went missing weeks after she turned down men claiming to work for TDHn; that she returned from the bathroom to find the baby gone from its cot.  On a damp autumn morning in Norfolk, a wood stove burns in Dr Jack Preger?s cottage as he arranges a stack of paperwork on the kitchen table. It comprises copies of legal papers and handwritten statements that the 93-year-old has kept for nearly 50 years, despite several relocations abroad ? including a sudden deportation from Bangladesh in 1979.
Born in Manchester in 1930, Preger, a self-described ?nice Jewish boy?, was politically active at Oxford University, where he studied development economics, and contemplated becoming a rabbi before settling on farming and relocating to Wales. It was there, spreading manure at his hill farm, that Preger describes hearing a voice telling him to train as a doctor.

After completing his medical training in 1972, Preger heard a radio appeal for the newly independent Bangladesh, where millions of refugees needed urgent care. Again, he felt a calling, and responded, going on to establish a clinic in Dhaka.

In 1977, Preger was at work in his clinic when he heard a commotion outside. ?I remember very clearly. Two women were on the road, shouting and screaming and rolling in the dust.? ]He went out to speak to them. ?They told me they were from the Dattapara refugee camp. They said they had been offered help for their children in a children?s home in Dhaka, had been told they would be able to visit, and that when the conditions at Dattapara had improved, they could have the children back.?

Preger, who had experience working with TDHn as a doctor, says he first heard rumours of an adoption ring operated by TDHn employees in 1974, but had been ?absolutely overwhelmed? by victims of the famine and floods ravaging the country and was unable to look into it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      On the day the two women appeared outside his clinic, he was with a volunteer nurse. ?She asked me: ?What are you going to do?

And I said: ?If I help them, I?ll be finished.? But I did help them.?                   

Preger soon had a list of the names of 25 mothers, which he collected alongside a signed statement that they had all been tricked by TDHn into giving up their children with promises that they would later be returned to them. About halfway down, Samina Begum?s name appears. A note alongside it reads ?Children sent abroad: one boy, one girl?.

Preger began to go public with what the mothers of Tongi had told him, first approaching TDHn itself and then the Bangladesh government. He says he contacted the Anti-Slavery Society (now Anti-Slavery International), based in the UK, but they could find no record of the complaint. He contacted the Dutch government and the British Foreign Office, and, in 1978, he got in touch with two prominent lawyers in Dhaka, husband and wife Nazmul and Sigma Huda, asking them to help him look into the claims of child trafficking.  Once Sigma Huda started digging, she, too, became convinced ?something sinister? was at play and began collecting evidence. She believes that the issue goes far beyond Preger?s list; based on the testimonies she took in 1978, Huda thinks this has happened to hundreds of families.  Now 77 and still working as a lawyer in Dhaka, Huda was recently widowed after Nazmul died in February. She claims to have met numerous obstacles when trying to gather evidence of the mothers? claims. ?I was prevented from accessing any of the children?s homes or from visiting Tongi,? she recalls. ?I was a young lawyer and it was my first time dealing with such a case. No one was willing to support me and I started to make a lot of enemies.? Huda says she filed a legal notice against TDHn but was forced to drop the case when she could not make progress with the mothers? claims. TDHn said it has not seen evidence from Huda to substantiate her claims.  ?It is still one of the biggest regrets of my career that I wasn?t able to help those mothers,? says Huda, who went on to become the UN?s special rapporteur on human trafficking. ?To think there are hundreds of adopted Bangladeshis out there, who have no idea that their birth mothers never voluntarily gave them up. What happened to those Bangladeshi children is the very definition of trafficking.?

Preger shows us affidavits from 1986, almost a decade after the children had gone, which indicate that many of the mothers were still fighting to get their children back. On every document, they claim one man as responsible for taking their children under false pretences:  Moslem Ali Khan.

Khan, also known as Manzur, was country director of TDHn in Bangladesh from 1975 to 1982, and denies all these claims. He was also working for BIA, which operated a children?s home in Dhaka called Netherlands Intercountry Child Welfare Organization (Nicwo) and oversaw adoptions to the Netherlands. According to TDHn, its building in Tongi was later used by Nicwo as a children?s home, which they believe contributed to the misconception that TDHn was involved in adoptions, despite the transfer of lease taking place after the original allegations arose.  Preger knew Khan well. According to Khan, now 76, this was because Preger had approached him for help with a children?s charity he was running and Khan declined as he had concerns about Preger?s work. According to Preger, Khan started a smear campaign against him after Preger went public with the allegations.  Nearly 50 years on, Khan and Preger maintain their claims against each other. Preger was deported from Bangladesh in 1979, when, as he describes it, he was presented with an extortionate visa fee he could not pay. He believes it was a final act to silence him.  Preger?s allegations were the subject of several investigations. In December 1979, the Bangladesh government produced a report based on interviews with those on Preger?s list, stating that the parents gave up their children voluntarily and that they knew ?very well that the children will never be given back to them? and were destined for international adoption.

The report states that the parents did not want their children back and that they were ?allured? to sign the statements by promises of cultivable land, cattle and other inducements, which Preger denies. The report concludes that Preger?s allegations were ?false and baseless? while absolving everyone of any wrongdoing.  The mothers we meet say they were never approached by any official as part of the investigation. ?This is the first time anyone has come to ask me about what happened,? says Aasia Begum, another of the mothers listed in the report. ?I have never been visited by any government official. I didn?t even know an investigation had taken place.?

TDHn also investigated Preger?s claims in April 1979 and concluded they were ?incorrect?. The mothers were not interviewed as part of their investigation.  In 1982, the Abandoned Children Order was repealed when a new nationalist government came to power after one of a series of military coups. The practice of allowing foreign families to adopt Bangladeshi children was banned, and Khan was even briefly imprisoned, though never charged, for his role in facilitating foreign adoptions. After his release, Khan stopped working as TDHn?s country director.  In a statement to the Guardian, Khan denied the allegations made against him in their entirety. He said he had worked for both BIA, overseeing the intercountry adoption of children, which was not illegal, and TDHn. There were, he said, many charitable organisations in Bangladesh at the relevant time dealing with such adoptions. He said his only involvement had been in signing papers on behalf of the adopted children for families in the Netherlands, and that the allegations directed at him personally were false and had been fabricated by an individual motivated by a personal vendetta. He pointed to the government inquiry in 1979, which found the allegations against him ?were false and baseless?, and recorded the families as saying they had not been coerced into giving up their children, but rather had done so voluntarily for ?financial, social or medical reasons?.

In the years that followed, further legal action was brought against Khan by families whose children had been adopted abroad, but he has never been convicted of any crime. Though Preger continued his attempts to get the mothers? claims taken seriously, the case eventually drifted from public view. Everything appeared to have gone quiet; families of the missing children began to accept they would never be reunited.  But then, 40 years later, something interesting happened. A combination of social networking sites and DNA testing reignited interest in the cases. By the late 2010s, adoptees in the Netherlands began finding they had relatives in Bangladesh, and that the stories their adopted parents had been told about them being abandoned or orphans were untrue. A number of them launched legal action.  Such was the scale of the complaints, the Dutch government held an inquiry and temporarily paused all international adoptions to the Netherlands after they found evidence of ?forgery of documents, child trafficking, fraud and corruption? across the system, from Bangladesh but also Brazil, Sri Lanka and Indonesia.  TDHn also conducted a fresh investigation in 2019, which concluded that it was impossible to determine exactly how each adoption was established at the time.  A spokesperson for TDHn told us: ?The allegations that local TDH Netherlands staff were involved in misleading parents to give up their children for adoption have never been substantiated.?

The spokesperson described Hasenaar?s account as ?terrible? and the wider allegations made to the Guardian by women in Tongi as ?heartbreaking?, but said ?these allegations confirm that local people incorrectly perceived TDH Netherlands to be an adoption organisation?.

As of 2019, TDHn has been working with and providing financial support to a charity that works to reunite adoptees with their relatives in Bangladesh.

For Bibi Hasenaar, the various investigations and inquiries are meaningless. She no longer has trust in official bodies or systems. In 2018, she filed a case against the Dutch government, TDHn and Wereldkinderen for their alleged involvement in her fraudulent adoption, but the initial judgment concluded that she had taken too long to bring her claim ? despite the fact that she had only discovered the truth the year before. However, after the government inquiry in 2021, the state dropped its claim that her case breached the statute of limitations. As a result, Hasenaar is appealing, and expects a decision this autumn.

Wereldkinderen, which BIA merged with in 1983, told the Guardian they were currently involved in ?judicial procedures? brought against them by Hasenaar and were unable to comment on this article until the final verdict of the court was handed down.

    I?m glad we got to see our brother in person for one last time

In April, after speaking to the Guardian, Hasenaar?s brother Abdel Kader died, just a few months after being reunited with his sister and their brother Babu in Dhaka. ?I?m glad we got to see him in person for one last time,? she says. ?I spent the last three hours of his life on a video call with him. He was in a coma, but I spoke to him anyway. I cried. It breaks my heart that we lost out on so much. He was the only connection we had to our birth family ? now that he?s gone, it feels that has been lost, too.

?Going on this search has opened up many wounds,? Hasenaar says now. ?It has been painful for both me and my family, but I have no regrets. My only wish is that I could have met my birth mother in person. But it makes me happy to know that she never gave up on me, and that her efforts weren?t in vain. I grew up thinking my mother didn?t want me, only to learn that she had been searching for me her whole life.?
35
Articles / Wokingham children put in care hundreds of miles from home
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on January 07, 2024, 02:39:06 PM »
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-berkshire-67881197

Wokingham children put in care hundreds of miles from home

By Nick Clark
Local Democracy Reporting Service

Vulnerable children have been housed in private care homes hundreds of miles away from home, new data has revealed.

Young people in Wokingham, Berkshire, have been sent as far as Lancashire, Yorkshire and North Wales.

The borough council said it was due to a lack of suitable accommodation in the local area.

It cost the authority more than ?6m between April 2022 and October 2023, figures showed.

Data obtained by the Local Democracy Reporting Service showed the council paid more than ?350,000 to one private provider in Preston, about ?100,000 to First4Care which runs homes in Doncaster and upwards of ?250,000 to Life Change Care in east Lancashire.
'Vast profits'

Money was also paid to children's care homes in Norfolk, Kent, Hampshire, Leicestershire, Northamptonshire and Wales.

Councillor Prue Bray, responsible for children's care in Wokingham, said she wanted the authority to open more of its own homes.

She said: "There will always be some children who need really specialist care but at the moment we are one of a large number of authorities who have found ourselves with children where there's no place for them anywhere in the country.

"If you've got a child in that situation, the nearest place might be Scotland or Wales - just horrendous."

It can cost tens of thousands of pounds a week to house a child with a private firm, with many operating from hedge funds and making "vast" profits, the council said.

The authority has bought three properties in Earley and Arborfield which it plans to open as homes for children.
36
Articles / Delay and frustration in adoption law's first year
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on December 31, 2023, 04:19:34 PM »
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp3dx01v8x8o

Delay and frustration in adoption law's first year

Eimear Flanagan
BBC News NI

Published
3 October 2023

An Irish law that gave adopted people the right to access their birth records has led to more than 10,000 applications during its first year of operation.  The Birth Information and Tracing Act, external was designed to end much of the secrecy embedded in Ireland's 70-year-old adoption system.  But for many adoptees waiting decades for answers about their early lives, the new procedures meant delays and frustration.  The legislation created a new family tracing service and throughout the year 5,500 requests to find relatives were submitted.  However, due to the complexity of some searches, 53% of tracing requests are yet to be allocated to staff.  "I am relying on a system that is working at a snail's pace," said Linda Southern, who is searching for her birth parents.

The 48-year-old Dubliner was adopted in 1975 at six weeks of age.  She spent her first 47 years not knowing her birth name nor the names of her mother and father.  That is because until 3 October 2022, Irish adoptees had no automatic right to see their own birth certificates, nor to know their biological parents' identities.  The new law was supposed to give adoptees access to birth records within 30 days, or 90 days in complex cases.  Two organisations tasked with releasing records struggled to handle an early surge of applications.  The Adoption Authority of Ireland (AAI) and child and family agency Tusla both missed statutory deadlines.  "The initial surge led to wait times which would be frustrating and which we regret," said AAI interim chief executive Colm O'Leary.

"When you're starting off a process and you're learning that records are held across various sources, it takes time to become familiar with all of the record types," he explained.

A Tusla spokeswoman said "a significant portion of the applications are classified as complex which means they require more time".

But adoptees argue authorities should have been better prepared.  "Surely, state bodies would have had a basic idea of the number of adoptees who would want to at least get their birth information," said Ms Southern.

After initial delays, she received her own documents which for the first time revealed her original name and parents' names.  However, she still needs help finding her biological family and spent the past year waiting for news.  "I don't know if they will ever trace my birth mother or not.  If they can't, I should be told," she said.

"They should have presumed the majority would want to trace better to presume that too many people would wish to trace birth families than too few."

'Belfast baby'

Loraine Jackson had hoped her birth files might shed some light on her cross-border adoption.  She grew up in Dublin, with barely any information about her birth.  But in her early 40s, she found out she was actually a native of the United Kingdom, having been born to a single mother in Belfast in 1948.  Her parents died years before she could trace them.  When she spoke to BBC News NI last year, she expressed hope her files might reveal how or why she was taken across the border for adoption.  After months of waiting, a "fat package" arrived in the post which included an unredacted version of her adoption agreement.  For the first time, she saw her relatives' signatures and finally found out who authorised her adoption.  "My birth mother had not been present at the signing. Her sister signed for her," Ms Jackson explained.

She also expected her files would contain information about the standard of care she received in Bethany children's home in Dublin.  But apart from a photocopy of her name in Bethany's admission book, she was disappointed.  "The information just didn't seem to be there. Whether records were not kept as well in those days, I don't know."

Although left with many unanswered questions, her maternal aunt's role in her adoption was new information to her.  "It was definitely worthwhile doing, and I'd advise anyone who hasn't applied yet to go for it."

AAI staff received a wide range of feedback from adoptees about their birth files from delight to disappointment to disbelief.  "A lot of people have said: 'Is that it? Is there nothing else?'" Mr O'Leary said.

He acknowledged some adoptees were dismayed to learn that nothing more exists on file than details they already knew.  Others have received heavily censored documents.  "Sometimes the authority gets records that are already redacted prior to us getting them we cannot unredact it," Mr O'Leary explained.

He also said AAI staff can apply redactions themselves, in cases where personal information refers to a third party.  However, he added applicants can request a review if they believe files were "inappropriately redacted".  The interim chief executive acknowledged the AAI's 12 social workers have "significant" tracing workloads.  But he said tracing "is not a linear process" and adoptees often pause the search themselves to digest new information.  "You're dealing with a very emotive situation," Mr O'Leary said.

"People may initiate a trace, thinking that their birth mother would want to hear from them, and they have to take on board that the birth mother does not want contact."

But the new law produced positive outcomes too - the AAI's tracing service has facilitated 44 family reunions.  "Sometimes I'll go to the kitchen and I'll see a social worker taking out the fancy crockery and making tea" Mr O'Leary said.

"They're bringing it into a room where a family is being reunited."

He added that when staff help connect families "there is a sense of success, and of delivering on the legislation".

The AAI's backlog of birth record applications is almost cleared and by last week, just 56 were outstanding.  Tusla has a much larger backlog which it expects to clear by June 2024.  It said from 1 September, all new applications are being processed "within statutory timelines".

If you are affected by the issues raised in this story, help and support can be found at BBC Action Line.
37
Articles / Life 'amazing' after adopting triplets - Coventry couple
« Last post by Forgotten Mother on December 31, 2023, 03:57:05 PM »
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-coventry-warwickshire-67754231

Life 'amazing' after adopting triplets - Coventry couple

21 December

By Vanessa Pearce
BBC News, West Midlands

A couple who have adopted three-year-old triplets said life had become "much more amazing and stressful and fun".

Paul and Richard have spent years making Christmas special for their local community in Coventry, putting on spectacular light shows and raising more then ?30,000 for charity.  Now they are set to spend their first Christmas as an extended family after adopting the children in July.  "It's changed the whole thing, it's going to be crazy," said Paul.

"We went into the adoption process not knowing what to expect, but it is almost like it was meant to be."

The couple said they had always wanted children but had not previously considered taking on three of them at once.  "Last January I was looking through the online forum where details of the children were, when I spotted these triplets and thought there was no way would we get them, no way would we be able to help them," the 42-year-old electrician explained.

"Unbeknown to me my other half Richard had also spotted them."

He said they had talked through the decision, taking into consideration the cost and space in the house.  "Everyone was saying how mad we were," said Paul, "but every negative each of us brought up, one of us found a positive to overcome it.  The way it has worked out has been absolutely amazing."

The process of applying to adopt had been "gruelling," he added, "but it's so rewarding, they're so adorable, they're just a joy to be around."

Richard, 39, described the adoption process as "quite intense and very intrusive" but said, now they were home and settled with the children, to have Christmas with their own little family was "just beautiful".  Paul said the couple had been supported by the adoption agency and local authority.  "They've both been fully on board with us," he added.

The couple were nominated for a BBC CWR Make A Difference Award for being good neighbours, for their annual Coundon Christmas light show.  Paul said he had first been inspired to put up decorations as a 12-year-old after spotting a neighbour's display.  "I bought some lights with my pocket money and stuck them in the tree," he said.

"And each year it got bigger and bigger and the family started coming around, and then the neighbours."

About 500 people attended this year's lights switch-on, a first for their new family.  "The music was playing and the lights were flashing, they took in the crowds and were excited," he said.

"But they just kept thinking it was their party and were so happy about that.  I know we've given them a secure home for them to grow up in, but I think it's made our family complete by them being here - it's such a warm feeling."
38
https://www.brusselstimes.com/838673/catholic-church-put-up-30000-children-for-adoption-without-mothers-consent

Catholic Church put up 30,000 children for adoption without mothers' consent
Thursday, 14 December 2023
By The Brussels Times with Belga

The Catholic Church sold around 30,000 children to adoptive parents without their mother's consent or knowledge, new testimonies reported by Het Laatste Nieuws reveal.  Created just after World War Two, institutions run by nuns took in underage girls and pregnant unmarried women until the late 1980s. These women were subjected to unpaid labour, humiliating conditions, and in some cases, sexual abuse.  During childbirth, some women were given general anaesthetic while others had to wear a mask all ways to prevent mothers from seeing their child, who were immediately separated after birth. Some women were even sterilised. Others were forced to sign a document renouncing their child or were told the child was stillborn.  The children were then sold for large sums between 10,000 and 30,000 Belgian francs (roughly between ?250 and ?750), sometimes much more to adoptive families.  Unkept or destroyed files are now making reunion processes extremely difficult, says Debby Mattys (57), who was put up for adoption by the nuns and spent over 20 years looking for her birth mother. "My mother was 18 years old when she had an unwanted pregnancy," she told Het Laaste Nieuws.

"The Church has a crushing responsibility. Not just for what happened in the past even now they still abuse power by allowing files to disappear or because they do not actively cooperate in the inspection of files. Apologies are nice, but they don't buy us anything."

In 2015, the Bishops' Conference apologised to the victims of forced adoptions in Catholic institutions at the Flemish Parliament.  In response to recent testimonies, the bishops have expressed their compassion for victims' pain and trauma. The Church is calling for an independent investigation into the conditions described by the women involved.
39
https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/failed-adoption

As someone who was adopted as a baby, I'm here to tell you that no child should be treated like an unwanted Christmas gift, no matter how much trauma we come with

?Adoption is not like pick-n-mix."

By Michele Theil
3 December 2021

Earlier this week, BBC Woman?s Hour posted a clip of their interview with former BBC journalist Eleanor Bradford to talk about her experiences of adoption, and specifically about her ?heartbreaking? decision to return her adopted child to care after eight years.  I am an adoptee myself, who was lucky to be adopted shortly after birth and given a better life than I probably would have had elsewhere. When I saw this pop up on Twitter, I was curious, but what she said appalled me. Bradford said that she decided to give her son back into care because of his behavioural issues, which caused problems for her other son (they are biological brothers), in what is termed by professionals as a ?failed adoption.?  Failed adoptions do not happen often, with chief executive at the charity Adoption UK saying that ?only around 3 to 4%? occur each year.

But, what happens in these situations are extremely private and are usually on the recommendation of professionals who feel that a child might be better served elsewhere. It is incredibly rare that an adoptive mother would choose to ?return? their child to care like an unwanted Christmas gift.  She mentioned that though the family feels ?an emptiness? from the absence of her son, she said it wasn?t ?entirely negative? because she now could place her bag on the table. In a piece written for The Sunday Times over the weekend, Bradford explained that her son was ?determined to create a chaotic environment,? and implied that he was prone to theft, thus forcing her to lock away her purse and hide the key from him. Luckily for her, she no longer has to do that!  Though Bradford claims this decision was best for all involved, and has ?reset? her relationship with her son, she entirely overlooked the trauma associated with this decision, compounding the feelings of abandonment he likely experienced prior to adoption.  Plus, there has been a lack of consideration as to how his younger brother might feel about this. Bradford?s decision to adopt both boys was to keep them from being separated in the first place, but because one didn?t turn out perfect, the brothers were separated anyway.  She wrote, ?the younger one is a joy to parent: a poster boy for adoption,? which is an abhorrent way to discuss adoption.

Adoption is not like pick-n-mix, you don?t get to throw away the imperfect ones. What about the long-lasting trauma for the younger child, who may feel like every little mistake could be the reason he is sent away like his brother?

I was never a ?perfect child?, and in many respects, I certainly do not live up to some expectations that were set for me at a young age. My mum wanted me to be a lawyer, live at home in Hong Kong, and live up to the ideal of a ?perfect Chinese daughter?. Instead, I am a journalist living in the U.K, miles away from being a ?perfect Chinese daughter? but this isn?t a reason for abandonment.  Bradford also said: ?It?s ironic that we have done so much to give those children a better life, and yet when it goes wrong, we are unsupported, and we can?t speak out.?, arguing that there is a taboo faced by people who go through ?failed adoptions.?

Her rhetoric, and the framing of her situation by the BBC, suggests that she is a kind-hearted person who fell victim to the failures of the adoption and care system, with her distress being more paramount than the care deserved by her child.   Centring herself in the narrative, she did not mention how her son reacted to being ?left behind? again, forced back into care after eight years with who he thought was his ?forever family?. She adds that she ?is still his mum?, and that the family stay in regular contact with him. But children, whether adopted or biological, should not be treated this way.

The ?stigma? that Bradford says she has faced for her decision is well and truly justified: adopted children should not be treated like a crappy gift from a distant relative, we can?t be sent back for store credit.  We deserve respect and we deserve to have loving families who will support us through ups and downs, just like you would a biological child. If a biological child was acting out and exhibiting ?behavioural issues,? you would likely seek counselling or behavioural adjustment therapy, perhaps send them to a new school with more structure, or a number of other solutions you wouldn?t give them away or leave them to fend for themselves.  Parents face a myriad of issues from their children, which can involve drinking, drugs, teenage pregnancy, bad grades, stealing, or anything else they may disapprove of. What they do in such situations is individual to the needs of the parent and the child, but I would bet that the majority of parents out there would stand by and support their children unconditionally, if they can, because that?s their child. Adopted children should not be treated differently when an adoptive parent signs on the dotted line agreeing to care for that child, they become yours for life.  As an adoptee who definitely ticked off almost every box on the ?difficult teenager? checklist, I cannot be more thankful that my adoptive parents did not make the same decision as Bradford. I often stayed out all night drinking, would shoplift for the thrill, and have experimented with drugs. But, not once did they ever consider ?sending me back? because I was their child, for better or for worse.  There are so many families in the UK who want children and I?m sure many of them would find Bradford?s decision abhorrent as they would do anything to have a child, including one that may have a disability or be neurodivergent, like her son. But, unlike most of them, she gave up on helping her child overcome the challenges that he faced.  I am not the only person, nor the only adoptee who feels this way. Deputy Editor of The Face Magazine Jessica Morgan tweeted yesterday: ?As someone who is adopted, I find this woman absolutely repulsive. Children are not toys, nor are they disposable like this. If you adopt a child, you do the work. Yes, we come with baggage, trauma, issues, even mental health issues and putting them back in care only hurts them more.?

There are countless more tweets and reactions to Bradford?s story, all expressing the same shock and disapproval at her son being sent back to care, as well as her choice to publicly announce it like it is something to be proud of.  Adoption is a very noble prospect, and those that can give children a home are to be lauded. But, giving away your adopted child just because you couldn?t deal with them is not acceptable, and it is important to remember that adoptees are not toys, they are real people who will be devastatingly affected by these decisions.
40
https://www.irishcentral.com/roots/history/jane-russell-adopt-irish-baby

Actress Jane Russell's adoption of Irish baby nearly ended her career
The glamourous Hollywood star?s career nearly came to an end after she controversially adopted an Irish baby in 1951.
James Wilson
@jameswilson1919
Feb 03, 2023

Hollywood star Jane Russell?s adoption of an Irishwoman?s child in 1952 nearly ended the actress?s career.  Russell had already adopted a girl with her husband, NFL quarterback, and kicker Bob Waterfield, but wanted to expand their family, according to TheJournal.ie.  News of the star?s desire for another child reached Hannah McDermott, a Derry woman then living in London with her husband and young son. Reportedly Hannah offered her custody of baby Thomas on condition that Jane and Bob provided him with a good home, love, and education.  When the news made the papers, the controversy rippled across the world and young McDermott suddenly found her home in London besieged by photographers.  Local historian Willie Deery told the Belfast Telegraph he believes McDermott was motivated out of love for her child, ?Hannah came in for a lot of criticism, but I think what she did was out of love for her child.  And the adoption caused Jane Russell all sorts of grief. Howard Hughes thought all the bad press would finish her and he ordered her to return the boy, but she stood her ground and refused to give up the child.?

Baby Thomas was issued with a passport by Ireland?s London Embassy where staff were oblivious to the child?s true need for documentation. After the scandal broke, a Government memo circulated claiming that the entire incident was a ?publicity stunt? by Russell and that one of the guarantors for the passport?s application had explicitly stated the baby was not being adopted.  And it was not just Irish civil servants who had had the wool pulled over their eyes. British legislation had come into force the year before banning such adoptions and Home Secretary (Justice Minister) Sir Maxwell Fyfe told Parliament nine days after the ?adoption? that authorities believed the child was traveling to America for a three-month ?holiday?.  Today, both Bob Waterfield and Jane Russell have passed away, and their son Thomas remains in the United States, reportedly living in Arizona.  He was one of thousands of Irish children adopted by American couples during the 1950s. Most of them, unlike Thomas, were born outside wedlock and state papers reveal that as many as ten a month were placed in US homes.  Back then, the Irish Government played little role in the practice, restricting themselves to issuing each child with a passport, trusting the Catholic Church?s vetting of prospective parents.  As most were born out of wedlock and living in homes, one Minister for Justice Gerald Boland wrote that he ?favored the sending of children to America for adoption in suitable homes where the alternative would be life in an institution in this country?.

It was an attitude not uttered in public but one that quietly prevailed in the Irish Government, so much so that they did everything to facilitate such adoptions. One memo warned that it would be, ?quite embarrassing if, in some case, a child had to be left in this country owing to the impossibility of issuing a passport in time?.

Disturbingly, Irish diplomats even wrote boastful memos back to Dublin that ?Moreover, there is no ?color? problem here [in Ireland] so that intending foster parents in the US know that Irish children are ?guaranteed? in that respect.?

Subsequently, it?s been revealed that the vetting process in America was not as above-board as the Irish Government assumed. Monsignor O?Grady of the Catholic Charities admitted in 1956 that some of the charity?s adoptions had been ?irregular? and organized by a ?commercial operator? in Texas and Wisconsin?.  The idea of an Irish child being bought and sold clearly rattled Ireland?s Department of External Affairs and in the wake of the Russell case a letter between London and Dublin was fired off stating, ?I have taken an extreme case for my example but the fact is that, if any child who left this country for adoption in America figured in an unsavory press campaign, racket or other exposure, it is this Department that would face the music.?

Nevertheless, the practice continued right up until 1970. In 2013 a British film, "Philomena," was released starring Dame Judi Dench dramatizing the story of a mother who goes in search of her son in America some 60 years after his forced adoption in Ireland.

* Originally published in Jan 2017. Updated in February 2023.
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