https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-06-16/hold-people-who-were-adopted-out-as-children-call-for-standalone/102470042Andrea always felt like an outsider now she wants support for all forced adoption survivors
By Claire Moodie
Posted Thu 15 Jun 2023 at 10:15pm
Thursday 15 Jun 2023 at 10:15pm, updated Fri 16 Jun 2023 at 12:32am
Key points:
Andrea found out she was adopted when she was five
She's struggled with the trauma ever since
She wants to make sure other adoptees are better supported
Andrea's birthday is always fraught with despair. Even when she was a child, Andrea struggled to enjoy the day of her birth. "Yes, of course I enjoyed the presents and got excited, but I could not take this blackness off me every time it came to my birthday," she said.
"Everyone is saying, 'ignore it' but it doesn't go away, it's so much a part of you, you can't deny it."
Even now at 57, a school teacher with with two grown-up daughters of her own, birthdays remain a source of dread. "A couple of days before, I just become very negative, just go in a spiral," she said.
"Recently, I said to my girls, 'I refuse to celebrate it anymore. I will celebrate it on Mother's Day celebrate being a mother and having a family of my own'."
Before her latest birthday in March, the build-up was so intense it led to a mental breakdown that put her in hospital. "It sent me over the edge, I wanted to die. I couldn't take the pain anymore."
But this latest meltdown, while extreme, was also a turning point. I sort of felt like it had to happen. Otherwise, I would have kept going on the same cycle of deal with it, bury it," she said.
Andrea is not alone
After decades of struggling, Andrea now has more clarity than ever about the reasons behind her birthday trauma and the complex mental health issues she has battled with. A breakthrough came recently via the television news. A report about a government inquiry into adoption caught her attention. A West Australian parliamentary committee was investigating adoption practices between the late 1930's and 1980's when thousands of babies were removed from their mainly unmarried mothers during the forced adoption era. It wanted to hear from people who had been affected, following a similar inquiry in Victoria which led to a redress scheme for mothers. Public submissions to the WA inquiry close today. The story featured adoptee Jen McRae, who has campaigned relentlessly, arguing not enough has been done to support survivors of forced adoption since a Senate report made recommendations in 2012. Suddenly, Andrea discovered she wasn't alone.
Growing up an outsider
After contacting Ms McRae, she realised there were kindred spirits lots of them, a group that validated her feelings and experience. There were mothers who lost their babies and children, now adults, who were adopted out many struggling to put the pieces of their broken lives together. For many of them, their birthdays are a day of sadness and grief the day they lost their baby or their biological mother. Andrea's birthday marks a double tragedy. Born in 1966 at Hillcrest, a maternity hospital for unmarried mothers, she was adopted out to a couple, who went on to become Christian preachers. Andrea grew up with their three biological children, knowing she was adopted from the age of five, and feeling like an "outsider". Shy and introverted, she spent a lot of time talking to herself, as if in her own world. "My father used to say you're always talking to someone'," she said.
"And of course, I said it was Jesus Christ."
The twin she never knew
But Andrea now believes her secret friend was her twin John, who died 12 hours after his birth. She didn't know she was a twin until she was nine, when she said it was dropped into the conversation one lunch time. "I was excited and devastated at the same time," she said.
Years later, she was able to obtain John's death certificate and traced his remains to an unmarked grave in Fremantle cemetery. "His plot was just a piece of dirt on the ground with a number on it," she said.
"It was a common grave for other babies who had died. I couldn't believe there was nothing there, so I wrote his name in the ground and I cried. It was heart-wrenching. I couldn't believe how much I felt considering I didn't know him. But I did, I knew him, I grew with him."
Since then, Andrea has tried to access John's hospital records under Freedom of Information but has been unsuccessful. She feels the records are a crucial part of the puzzle she is trying to put together to fully understand her history. The fact that she can't access them, is a source of frustration as she says "he is my other half".
"We're constantly having to jump through hoops to find our identity," she said.
"My hope is that no-one else suffers like we have. We can't change what has happened to us, but we can change the future."
Not enough support
Among its terms of reference, the adoption inquiry will identify what measures are currently available to help people affected by adoption practices of the past and how people can be better supported. Both the states and Commonwealth currently fund services, but advocates say they are not nearly enough. For example, Ms McRae said there was currently a nine-month delay in receiving adoption records and this had proved a huge barrier for people trying to make submissions to the inquiry. The state government said the Department of Communities had recently engaged additional temporary staff to help respond to requests for information. In a statement, a spokesperson said that providing past adoptions records could be a complex and lengthy process due to the research involved in locating as much information as possible. Mrs McRae hopes the inquiry will lead to lasting changes to improve the lives of people affected by forced adoption. "We need to re-write the narrative around adoption and for the West Australian community to understand that we have done this to thousands of West Australians," she said.
"We've removed newborn babies from their mothers simply because their mothers were not married and this legacy travels through time and impacts you."
In particular, there's concern for late-discovery adoptees people who are not finding out until their middle age that they were adopted. Another concern is the trauma being caused by existing contact veto restraining orders that prevent parties to adoption from contacting each other. Ms McRae argues a new standalone service is needed to cover the state, including regional areas, offering specialist counselling and to provide ongoing support to families trying to reunite. For many families, she says, it is extremely challenging.
Finding her way
With the help of the organisation Jigsaw, which is partly funded by government grants, Andrea found her biological mother many years ago. For the past two months, Andrea has been focused on writing her submission and starting the healing process, knowing that she is not alone. "The change in me in just seven weeks is huge," Andrea said.
"I'm starting to feel positive for the first time in my life. I'm taking control, but I also understand that I wasn't just an ugly, unlovable and sh**ty person. I was a reflection of what was going on around me. What was going on inside of me was fractured and torn apart. People say you're the strongest person I know but you can be strong and still be crumbling. And I think I've been crumbling all my life."
To contact the Forced Adoption Support Service in your state or territory, call 1800 21 03 13.
