https://www.the-sun.com/lifestyle/4945877/sons-taken-care-forcibly-adopted/'MISSED OUT' My sons were taken into care then forcibly adopted I’ve never felt such desperation
Yasmin Harisha & Carol Driver
16:00 ET, Mar 21 2022 Updated: 7:33 ET, Mar 22 2022
CRADLING her precious newborn daughter in her arms, Laura Anderson realised her life had come full circle. Fifteen years earlier, Laura was left devastated when her two sons were taken away from her and she was classed a “vulnerable teenager". Social services cited Laura’s mental health and an incident when eldest son CJ had suffered an injury while not in her care as the reasons behind the heartbreaking decision. Now, at the age of 32 and mum to two-year-old Ava, Laura, from Silsden, West Yorks, agrees that for her sons, CJ and RJ* now 16 and 14 respectively being adopted was the best decision. Laura, who works in banking, says: “I have missed out on so much with the boys, so now I have Ava, I don’t want to miss out on a single thing. I’m not glad the boys were taken into care but I am glad of the outcome. They’ve had an education they wouldn’t have had with me and life experiences and holidays I wouldn’t have been able to provide them with. So while it would have been an OK life, they have had a phenomenal life with their adoptive parents.”
When Laura fell pregnant at 17 in 2006, she was in a tumultuous relationship. But she tried to make co-parenting work when they split after the birth. However, after finding a bruise on five-month-old CJ’s head, Laura rushed him to hospital, where she was told he was seriously injured. Social services investigated and assessed Laura’s mental health, concluding that CJ who suffered no lasting injuries would be put up for adoption. No criminal charges were brought. Laura was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder. She says: “I had never felt such desperation. All I knew for certain was I didn’t injure CJ. I still have a lot of anger that CJ’s injury happened and I couldn’t prevent it, and that I don’t know who did it, so I can’t tell CJ if he asks. My baby was taken away by someone else’s actions, not mine, and me and my son paid the ultimate price for that.”
In 2007, Laura gave birth to second son RJ prematurely and he was taken to intensive care. She was told not enough time had passed between CJ being taken into care and RJ being born and there were still concerns over the injury, so she was not allowed to take him home. She says: “If I’m honest, I knew he wouldn’t be allowed to come home. I still fought for him but because it was the right thing to do, rather than wanting to do it.”
Laura asked social workers whether Peggy and Chris, who had adopted CJ, would want RJ and was pleased when told they would. When Laura was introduced to the couple at a facilitated meeting in 2009, she was told the plan was for a closed adoption with one letter and one photo a year. However, in a rare move, Peggy asked Laura to keep in touch, sparking the beginning of a friendship that pushed the boundaries of adoption rules. In 2012, Peggy asked Laura if she wanted to meet with CJ, six, and RJ, four.
‘Too inexperienced and lacking in support’
But meeting her sons, Laura says, “was like a slap in the face”.
She adds: “I’d expected the connection and the bond to pick up exactly where it left off. These weren’t the babies I’d said goodbye to. I knew I’d never get them back. When I got my head around that and I saw them as a family, it was incredible. Peggy and Chris were perfect loving and kind. It was a kind of closure and that’s not something a lot of birth parents get. I’m their birth mum and they know they’re adopted. They call me ‘Mummy Laura’ but they are now Peggy and Chris’s children. I’m accepting of that.”
Since 2012, Laura has met with the boys once a year, as well as on special occasions, including Ava’s birth. Laura and Peggy launched a podcast called Two Good Mums in April 2020 to discuss their unique relationship and encourage other birth mothers to not be ashamed to share their stories. Laura has also written a book, called Baby Of Mine: A Birthmother’s Journey Through Forced Adoption, in which she reveals her acceptance about what happened. She says: “I did have mental health issues and I was too young, too inexperienced and lacking any kind of support. But somehow social services went out and found probably the most perfect parents I could have ever asked for. The boys definitely got a better life than they would have had with me.”
After finally meeting the love of her life, marketing manager husband Stewart Anderson, 38, in 2010, Laura sadly suffered four miscarriages while trying for a baby between 2011 and 2013. Ava was born in July 2019 but suffers from hemiplegic cerebral palsy, a type of infantile cerebral palsy resulting from damage to the part of the brain that controls muscle movements. Laura says: “I’m the one keeping an eye on her, so I wrap her in cotton wool, making sure she doesn’t get hurt. I judge myself now much more harshly than I would have done had I not had two children removed. I’m my own worst enemy with Ava now, always on high alert. But if feels like I have been given a new chance in life.”
*Names have been changed
