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‘I loved you and didn’t want to let you go’: Mother’s heartbreaking message from beyond the grave to son she was forced to give up for adoption – as family find him after 30-year search
‘I loved you and didn’t want to let you go’: Mother’s heartbreaking message from beyond the grave to son she was forced to give up for adoption – as family find him after 30-year search
- Jayne meets her brother in this week’s episode of Long Lost Family
- READ MORE: Scottish woman’s heartbreak as she tracks down her birth mother after 50 years – only to find out she doesn’t want to meet
By ALANAH KHOSLA, FEMAIL REPORTER
Published: 11:03, 2 October 2025 | Updated: 17:54, 2 October 2025
A woman whose older brother was put up for adoption has revealed her joy at finally meeting him after a 30-year search – fulfilling their mother’s dying wish.
Jayne Hadlow, 60, from Essex, met her brother Andrew for the first time this year.
The pair’s mother Kathleen was unmarried when she had Andrew at the age of 21, and to her heartbreak, her strict Catholic parents put her son – who she’d named Jeffrey – up for adoption behind her back.
In 1994, at the age of 53, Kathleen sadly died of cancer, and her final wish was for Jayne to find her firstborn and tell him that he was loved.
‘I still know that it hurt Mum to the depths of her soul to let him go,’ Jayne told tonight’s episode of ITV‘s Long Lost Family.
‘She carried it with her for the rest of her life.’
‘One of the final things she spoke about was Jeffery, and she said, “Jayne, when I’m gone, can you please find him for me; can you please tell him what happened, and tell him that I loved him and that I didn’t want to let him go”. She held my hand and she said, “Please, please make sure that you do it”.’
Growing up, Jayne and her two younger brothers, Stephen and Jamie, were unaware of Andrew’s existence.
But when she was 19, Jayne’s life changed forever when her mother told her the truth.
Jayne explained, ‘Mum was 21 when she had Jeffery. He was born two years before me. She went home one day and he wasn’t there. My grandparents had the baby adopted. I can’t imagine the pain of that. She carried that every single day.’
Jayne Hadlow (pictured), 60, who lives in Essex, told ITV’s Long Lost Family of her 30-year search to find her long lost brother
Jayne met her brother Andrew for the first on this week’s episode of ITV’s Long Lost Family (pictured together)
Kathleen was always the life and soul of the party, but there was one day each year when her mood and behaviour completely changed.
Their late father would always take Jayne and her siblings out on bonfire night, but Kathleen always refused to come.
The children would see her the next day and see that she was upset, her face swollen from crying.
Jayne explained, ‘Bonfire night every year my father would take us out. We were just super excited to see the fireworks with dad, it was great.’
Despite the festive fun, they would always question why their mother wouldn’t come. ‘She wasn’t her usual bright self.
‘We’d come back and mum would be in the bedroom and we wouldn’t really see her until the next day. We could always tell she’d been upset and crying.
It wasn’t until Jayne was 19 that she discovered the reason behind her mother’s sadness.
‘She just said to me one day, ‘I need to tell you something, you’ve got a brother; his name is Jeffery, and I had him adopted, well, I didn’t have him adopted, he was adopted.’
Jayne’s mother Kathleen (pictured) gave birth to Andrew when she was 21 before her parents gave him up for adoption behind her back
‘Jeffery was born on the 6 November, 1962. Bonfire night was the night that would bring all those memories back. Now I understand why she was so upset at that time of year.’
Piecing together her family’s past, she visited her mother’s home in Liverpool, where she was raised.
She said, ‘My grandparents were not happy at all at mum being pregnant and not being married. They were very strict Catholics. They sent her away to the Isle of Wight. They were basically trying to hide it.’
Kathleen spent the duration of her pregnancy miles away from family and friends, and when it was time to have her baby, she returned to Liverpool.’
‘After she had Jeffery, I think the pressure from her parents probably got on her every single day.’
‘I think she fought it as hard as she could, she wasn’t going to let him go. But she came home one day and the baby wasn’t there, he was gone.’
Jayne added, ‘It hurt mum to the depths of her soul to let him go. She carried it with her for the rest of her life.’
Kathleen sadly died at the age of 53, and one of the last things she spoke about was her long-lost son.
With the help of ITV’s Long Lost Family team, including co-host Davina McCall (pictured), Jayne was able to meet Andrew for the first time
Co-host Nicky Campbell (pictured) delivered the news to Andrew that his biological sister Jayne was searching for him
Before Jayne went to the Long Lost Family team, she had exhausted all search options and hit a dead end.
However, thankfully, the team discovered that Jeffrey was adopted by a couple who lived in the Lake District and that his name was changed to Andrew.
The show’s team of specialist intermediaries found that he is now living in Bristol, and wrote to him to reveal that he has a younger sister who is desperate to find him.
Host Nicky Campbell travelled to Bristol to meet Andrew, who welcomed the news that his birth family was searching for him.
Discussing his life with his adoptive family, Andrew told Nicky, ‘I had a great upbringing, a great childhood, I felt a part of that family, they made me feel like a part of it. That’s why I never went looking, it was that loyalty.’
However, after hearing the news of Jayne’s search, Andrew was visibly taken aback and agreed to meet his birth siblings.
Meanwhile, co-host Davina McCall went to visit Jayne to share the news that her elder brother had been found, who was ecstatic, and after seeing an image, marvelled over Andrew’s physical similarities to her mother.
She said at the time, ‘Oh wow, I can see mum. Oh, I can’t believe I’m actually seeing him! And I never had a big brother. Oh, how amazing.’
Jayne shares the news with her two brothers, Stephen and Jamie, who are also over the moon at the prospect of meeting Andrew.
At the end of the episode, in an emotional scene, the siblings finally had the reunion that Jayne had hoped for.
‘As soon as I walked into the room, I just knew instantly that he was a part of me. He was part of our family.’
Jayne told her brother about her family’s past, and they bonded over their similarities.
Andrew said, ‘It’s just incredible, the connection is there, and the instant warmth. Let’s get on and fit in what we’ve missed in the past 30 years.’
He added, ‘They couldn’t have made me feel more welcome if they tried. It was fantastic.’
Jayne concluded, ‘I feel like I’ve answered mum’s request, so I know she’ll be looking down, and she’ll be so happy.’
Adoption Paperwork
April 2005
Can’t get my mind of the email I received from D yesterday apologizing for not responding sooner but she will be checking the file again to make sure she hasn’t missed anything. I can’t stop thinking about why I can’t remember signing the consent to surrender form. Anne from Empty Arms seems to think we possibly signed the paper(s) at a magistrate’s home rather than at court but I really can’t remember doing either. If I did go to a magistrate’s home or court to do this then I certainly do have a big whole in my memory – it’s almost scary.
Rick reminded me this morning that he needed to get to the hospital before 9.15 am and I was shocked I had forgotten after all the nagging I’d done. It’s beyond me why he had to take his sample (instructions from hospital) on a Tuesday but at least it’s been done now. We couldn’t have done it next Tuesday as we are going to Hove to look at the flat and to see family then it’s the following Monday that we have got our next appointment. At the moment I just feel like crying as I’m so stressed out with it all. I’m expecting bad news that nothing can be done to help me to conceive so if it’s bad news I’m prepared but if it’s good news then I will have something to look forward to. The only thing that worries me a bit is how A will react if I do get pregnant. I know he has been nagging me about this but if it does happen then the reality will set in that I will have a baby to think about so less time to do things like be involved in his website.”
D from the ARC had been the one who had sorted out the copies of the adoption papers for me so I had contacted her again as I thought a copy of the consent to surrender form would be included. One month on and I still haven’t heard from her nor is it likely I will ever get a copy of that paper. I don’t even know what court it is held at.
*At this time we were also still going through tests to find out why I hadn’t conceived. It was quite a stressful time for both of us which wasn’t helped by my son adding to this as he was constantly telling me he wanted a sibling. As it turned out I didn’t get the Consent to Relinquish form and eventually I just gave up. I kept trying periodically but was constantly given the run around so in the end I got tired and fed up of the stress it was causing.
Almost a volatile time
It felt strange talking about Anthony with my cousin as I didn’t say much about him when sending letters to my parents who rarely mentioned him. Of course my mum was extremely annoyed about Anthony wanted me and my family in his life but the extent of this came out over the next year or so. My sister and I hadn’t had any contact for six years by this time and it would another five years and our mum dying before we did.
Rick had joined the site that Anthony had set up and he had included Rick’s family tree on the site, we were administrators of that side. When I thought about the early days it was difficult as Rick had his issues to deal with and Anthony had problems accepting him. Rick wasn’t his father who wouldn’t accept Anthony but it got easier.
Anthony and I started chatting on msn messenger as we had fallen out over the adoption papers a few weeks previously although we have been sending the occasional email. We could both be stubborn at the best of times but I was relieved we talking again. The fall out with Anthony at that time was due to Anthony wanting to ask questions about the adoption papers but as I had never seen them I couldn’t answer him. When I tried to talk to him about the papers he kicked off so I sent him an email stating why certain things had been crossed out and replaced with other words. I also let him know what was true and what wasn’t.
*This was a period when life was good with the occasional hiccup. I was getting used to the occasional bad times from my son and was just letting it go over my head. At times I would be bewildered why he would suddenly be angry. I also knew I wouldn’t get a reasonable response back if I asked as I was expected to be psychic and just know. Eventually I found out he had been as bad with my family although by 2006 I saw it as understandable with my mum as she had lied to him. Me knowing my parents could have been honest to both of us since late 2001 contributed to this. My dad was forgiven much quicker as he knew exactly what my mum was like so it was easier than dealing with her wrath.
At this time I couldn’t stop thinking about why I couldn’t remember signing the Consent to Relinquish form. A friend from an online group, Empty Arms, seemed to think we possibly signed the form at a magistrate’s home rather than at court but I was sure I hadn’t done either. If I did go to a magistrate’s home or court then I certainly had a big whole in my memory – it was almost scary.
*As it turned out I didn’t get the Consent to Relinquish form and eventually I just gave up. I kept trying periodically but was constantly given the run around so in the end I got tired and fed up of the stress it was causing.
Adoption Paperwork
I remember when I first received a copy of the adoption papers which I should have received when my son was adopted. On reading them it was no surprise to realize that I had a ‘hole’ in my memory I hadn’t given information on them. It was still a bit irritating to read half-truths and lies though, the only absolute truth was descriptions of myself and my ex. The only other bit of truth was about my mum being asthmatic and that she had been in contact with Rubella so I’m partially deaf and a hardly noticeable speech defect. The only thing that really disappointed me was that I thought there would be a copy of the consent to relinquish form and nobody told me that it wouldn’t be included even though I had mentioned not remembering signing the form so wanted to see a copy.
When I saw my counsellor, from After Adoption, for the last time which was the same day as I got the copy of the adoption paperwork I mentioned this. All she could do was mumble was something about the consent to relinquish form being at the court that dealt with the adoption. I left it that as she had never been very helpful about explaining my rights so just didn’t know what to say but it has been on my mind since then.
The subject was brought up in another online group I belonged to specifically for women who have had a child adopted but haven’t had any more children. Some of the others said they have copies of the consent form so it has got the rest of us thinking about this so we are going to try and get copies as well. Yesterday I emailed my contact at the Adoption Resource Centre thanking her again for being so helpful before over the other paperwork then went on to explain what I was after this time.
I hated this feeling of having holes in my memory from that time and I couldn’t ask my parents as it had never been open to debate to discuss Anthony’s adoption. The only person I discussed Anthony with was my dad, post reunion, and then it was stilted, he only mentioned Anthony when they had spoken to each other – I hated that so much. I got more support from my in-laws and they openly admitted they didn’t understand what I have been through. Rick’s eldest sister and brother in law were fine about meeting Anthony the last time we saw him and they often asked after him. One thing that cheered me up is that Rick had second thoughts about viewing the flat of the lady who wanted to do a mutual exchange with us. I wanted to get back down south but I didn’t really want to give up a house for a flat as we had dogs and it wouldn’t be fair on the cat even though she was a ‘house’ cat as she liked sunning herself outside.