Reminder of the need for support

Back in early 2005 Rick and I were talking about starting up an adoption support group for adopters, adoptees, formerly fostered adults and foster carers as well as natural mothers.  We had been talking to someone who would become a friend but at the time he thought it a terrible idea.   Unfortunately, like most people who don’t have have ad adoption connection, he believed that all adoptions are necessary, the natural mothers are terrible people and it’s always best for the babies.  It caused a lot of stress for me as he didn’t know much about my adoption connection and it left me very upset.

We managed to get talking about the realities af babies being adopted and it’s not that uncommon for babies to be adopted unnecessarily.    He realized then that he had been wrong to assume mothers were drug users/and or prostitutes as the history of forced adoption still isn’t all that well known.  Back then I was finding the courage to be more vocal about the subject and knew I was rubbing some people up the wrong way (generally) but I wanted to get the truth out.

I found attitudes were, on the whole, positive towards me when friends found out about my son.  Occasionally there were awkward moments which I learned to deal with even if it meant changing the subject.  There were also the well intentioned comments about how ‘wonderful’ it was that we had reunited.  I would take a deep breath, smile and just nod my head.  At times I wanted to scream at them that no it wasn’t wonderful and my son should never have been adopted.  People meant well and I knew that I had two choices; either watch what I said or be honest.  With time I learnt to say it how it was in a calm way.