The never ending slippery slope

I wish there was research ‘out there’ that was easily obtained to educate people on the negatives of adoption.  There are also better options to adoption which are often dismissed by the ‘adoption is a perfect’ brigade.  Maybe I don’t want to stop torturing myself by reading articles, reading blogs/websites by adopters painting the ‘win/win’ option of adoption of newborns.

One such couple ‘begging to buy a baby’ on Facebook and also have a website painting a picture that it’s wunnerful for a mother to make the strong choice of adoption.  The only problem with that is it’s coercive and misleading and even mothers who have made that choice have admitted that reality can be different post adoption.  I’m not ignoring that there are mothers who are comfortable with their choice and never regret it but that isn’t necessarily the norm.  I have ‘met’ mothers who are comfortable with their choices and have respected their choices as as I took the time to get to know them.

This one such couple https://www.facebook.com/timandsarahopetoadopt and their website is https://www.timandsarahopetoadopt1stbaby.com/home.html .

*Please note I am fully aware that there are parents who should never have had children in the first place, there are parents wh0 need help and support (but doesn’t make them bad parents), parents who choose adoption and don’t regret it.  The points I make are my opinion but that doesn’t make me a bad person, I am simply airing my views on what I don’t like about adoption particularly when money is concerned.  It is criminal the way adoption charges are justified in countries such as the U.S.A.

I believe there are better ways of raising a child such as kinship fostering where a child can be raised in a safe environment, and, maintaining regular contact with one or both parents unless the child is at risk from their parent(s).

On Facebook they are really plugging their website with repeated posts which is irritating and the website is sickly sweet. On their website they make themselves so wonderful and can give a child a wonderful, perfect life where he or she will want for nothing.

“We’re completely open and honored to adopt a baby of any race because we feel that skin color does not make a family.”

  • Uh, so if you adopt a baby from a different ethnic group they won’t notice they will look ‘diferent’?
  • Nobody else will notice or comment that the baby’s ethnicity is different?
  • Will it occur to you to embrace the baby’s ethnicity?
  • How will you deal with potential racism towards your child when he or she is older?
  • Do you seriously think we live in a racist free world?
  • Do you think your potential child will look into your eyes and think ‘yes I do know where I come from’?
  • Just think about it, no matter how much you may love your adopted child unconditionaly no matter what their colour is you cannot give them everything.

I do actually have second cousins who are obviously adopted due to the colour of their skins.  They are loved for who they are, have good friends, good lives but they have had to learn to deal with looking different to their family.  None of the family can truly understand how they feel as they are the only black family members.  I am just thankful that the family will always be there for them.

“Though we tried but were unable to have a biological child, we always thought adoption would be a wonderful way to become parents. …. never felt that biology makes a family. 

I know I am very cynical and lost my faith in human nature when it comes to adoption you are ‘saying’ all the right things yet I still have my reservations.  It’s got nothing to do with what happened to me as I live in the UK and adoption is different here to the U.S.A:

– no private adoption

– all adoptions here have to go through social services

– no amended birth certificate (adopters get an adoption certificate

– no such thing as closed records and it doesn’t cost much to adopt.

What I’ve learned has been from mothers, adoptees, adopters and foster carers when it comes to American adoptions.  It has horrified me what goes on nor does the system seem to be improving.

  • I do understand what it’s like not to conceive a baby with my husband so I can sympathise with you
  • I also know what it’s like not raising my only son and you will never, ever know what that’s  like
  • There is nothing wrong with believing that adoption is the way forward to make a family
  • Biology doesn’t always make a family – I have had friends over the years that have been family ro me
  • If you was adopting out of foster care I would respect your decision
  • Adopting from foster care is giving a child a family instead growing up in the care system
  • Adopting a newborn screams your desire to have a clean slate baby for your own as if born to you
  • Adoption should never be about buying a baby for your needs, it should be about the child’s best interests
  • What type of adoption do you want?
  • Will you promise to have an open adoption?
  • Or will you promise anything just to get some random baby from a mother who feels she doesn’t have a choice or thinks (niavely) that adotion is best for her child?
  • Will you honour an open adoption?
  • Will you play God with your potential baby?
  • Have you even thought about the long-term effect on your potential baby?
  • What are your views on legalised lies such as amended birth certificates which implies as if born to you?
  • What about closed records?
  • Will you always be honest with your potential child?

Honesty should come first which goes beyond potential adopters praising themselves up and stating how wonderful their potential adopted child’s life will be.

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September 2020
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