Mother’s Day 2020

Today has felt really strange due to covid-19, self-isolating and trying to deal with Mother’s Day.  Normally I really hate the day and will do my best to avoid anything that will make me sad, today hasn’t felt Mother’s Day even though it’s been talked about on Facebook.  Of course, with all the churches being shut has added to the strangeness of the day.

It’s now 38 years since I first hated Mother’s Day and all because of forced adoption – I wouldn’t wish it on anybody as it is soul-destroying.  Nobody has really acknowledged that I am a mother as the only child I had was adopted but I am still a mother.  There are people now who know about my son but it was 23 years before I really started talking about him after I found him.  It was a shock as I wasn’t actively looking as I believed what I had been told that I would never be allowed (legally) to search for him.     

He was also shocked as he had been searching for me and had found my family quite quickly.  For about 18 – 20 months my family didn’t know where I was due to an argument I had with my sister and I stopped talking to them.  My parents knew where I was from late 2001 but still chose not to tell me he was searching for me nor did they tell him they had contact with me.

I’m not sure what’s worse – the not knowing anything or to go through reunion then falling out, it’s an ongoing struggle that will only go when I die.