adoptee
The American musician reclaiming his lost Welsh roots
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c98ggvrqmjdo
The American musician reclaiming his lost Welsh roots
Nicola Bryan
BBC News
- Published20 April 2025
Updated 21 April 2025
He doesn’t speak Welsh and has only visited the country once but American singer-songwriter Brian Fennell has just released his third studio album using his Welsh alias.
Fennell performs under the name SYML, which means “simple” in Welsh.
Growing up in Seattle he always knew he was adopted, but it was not until he was given his adoption records at 18 that he learnt his birth parents were Welsh.
He said his artist name was a way of honouring his heritage.
“It’s saying that this is where I come from on some level,” he explained.
Fennell, who was previously part of indie band Barcelona, said writing his “cinematic and melancholic” music was a way to explore his feelings over being adopted.
“It’s becoming easier for me to write songs that dig deep compared to speaking about [my feelings] to even my partner or my kids,” he said.
“It is therapeutic to be able to pour it out.”
His latest album, Nobody Lives Here, continues his exploration of his identity as someone who has been adopted alongside other themes such as grief and mortality.
Fennell was born in the US and adopted at just three days old. His birth parents had not named him.
On receiving his adoption papers he learnt his parents – who were aged 17 and 18 when he was born – were second-generation Welsh immigrants.
He was also given a hand-written letter from his birth mother, which he described as “the most gutting” thing he had ever read.
“I think one of the most gutting things was the blank spaces where my name was meant to go,” he said.
“It was a really sweet note sort of explaining why it wasn’t the right time for her to be a mother and for my birth father to be a father.
“I think I’ve only read it twice, it’s so intense to read.”
From the moment he discovered his heritage Fennell embraced his Welshness.
“It was the first moment that I was like ‘I have a bit of a country of origin’,” he said.
“I sort of wrapped myself in it.
“I got like a Welsh flag to hang on my wall. I was Googling ‘Welsh people – what do they look like? What are they?’.”
He also got a Welsh tattoo that reads “echen”, meaning family or tribe.
He released his eponymous debut album in 2019.
“In choosing a Welsh name – syml – that was a bit of an honouring, at least an honouring from my perspective, and saying that this is where I come from on some level,” he said.
“And choosing a name like ‘simple’ was a bit of a reminder not to overcomplicate, whether it’s art or relationships or thinking about where you’re from and everything that comes out of that.”
He visited Wales in October 2019 to play a gig at Clwb Ifor Bach in Cardiff.
“I had this comical moment when I got out of the touring van in Wales for the first time, I had this idea that I should kiss the ground or something, like I’d returned home,” he laughed.
He said in reality he was met with a car park, but he loved playing to a Welsh audience.
“It was a sweet experience, the folks were welcoming of somebody with an imposter Welsh name,” he laughed.
Part of his performance was a Q&A session so he got to chat to the crowd.
“I remember there being a bit of a funny moment where I just couldn’t understand some of the accents,” he laughed.
He was inevitably asked about his Welsh stage name.
“I was coming into it admitting, like raising a white flag ‘I’m not Welsh so I’m not going to pretend to be’ but also explaining why it is significant to me to have a Welsh name and it was really well-received,” he said.
There are still many things Fennell does not know about his birth family and his heritage, for instance where exactly they were from in Wales.
“Back in the ’80s when I was adopted, in the US many adoptions were closed and so there was very little information,” he said.
“Even to this day if I wanted to learn more I would have to go and apply and get the approval of my birth parents to release that information and since I was 18 that’s not sat well with me.”
Also, the unknown can be scary.
The musician said all his life he has intentionally not finished TV series or books because he did not want to know the ending.
“I think I intentionally leave these big question marks,” he said.
“I save myself from knowing everything because it might not be good and so I think I guard myself in ways and I’m sure it’s rooted in [being adopted].”
Having his own children – aged 10, eight and three – has filled Fennell with gratitude for the parents who raised him as well as compassion for his birth parents.
“A big moment was when my son was born because that was the first person I’ve ever met that I’m blood-related to and that instantly filled so many voids that I knew about and didn’t know about,” he said.
It also gave him a new perspective on his own start in life.
“I have finally been able to get to a place after having three kids… where I am interested in digging in a bit more,” he said.
“The longer I wait obviously the smaller the chances I’ll get those answers.”
‘I regret adopting my daughter I feel like I’m babysitting a stranger’s kid’
https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/us-news/i-regret-adopting-daughter-feel-31947707
‘I regret adopting my daughter I feel like I’m babysitting a stranger’s kid’
A mum has sparked outrage after admitting she regrets adopting her daughter as she has never loved her as much as her biological children and still sees her as ‘someone else’s child’
By Paige Freshwater Content Editor
13:38, 23 Jan 2024Updated15:05, 23 Jan 2024
A mum has caused a stir by confessing she regrets adopting her daughter, admitting she’s never loved her as much as her biological children. She shared her story on Reddit, explaining that after having her son through IVF, she chose to adopt for her second child. However, she confessed she’s never been able to bond with her adopted daughter and over time, even began to resent her. The woman wrote: “So years ago before the birth of my first son, I was told it would be hard for me and my husband to conceive. We went through IVF and eventually I gave birth to my son. A few years later we wanted another child but didn’t want to have to go through the time and expense we did the last time with our son. So we decided to adopt. We adopted this beautiful baby girl whose parents were too young to raise her themselves. I loved her so much and treated her no different but I’ve never had the feeling she’s my own. I often feel like I’m babysitting someone else’s child. I feel terrible but I can’t help it. I’ve tried forcing myself to feel it but I just don’t. She’s 15 now and I’ve never felt a connection with her.”
But four years ago, the woman discovered she’d fallen pregnant naturally – and was expecting another girl. This only strained her relationship with her adopted daughter further, as she started to feel more excluded from the family. “We were so surprised since it just happened naturally and we found out it was going to be a girl. During the pregnancy, my hormones were all over the place and I started hating my adopted daughter because I felt if I had just waited then I wouldn’t have to have had her. When my daughter was born everything just felt right. I felt a proper connection like with my son and I bonded straight away.”
In search of sympathy, she confessed: “I sound horrible but adopting her was a massive mistake. I wish I could go back in time. I love her to pieces but unfortunately not as much as my biological children. I hate myself for it since I promised her parents I’d love her no different and I feel like I’ve let everyone down.”
To this, one Reddit user replied: “Therapy for you. Under no circumstances tell your daughter that you don’t love her as much as your bio kids, though that’s something that’s not hard to miss. Reach out to her birth family, if they’re decent people and you haven’t maintained contact, and see if they’d be interested in spending more time with her. This girl deserves to be enthusiastically cared for and loved by the people in her life. What about your husband? Does he feel the same way?”
Another person commented: “Since you already had a biological child you shouldn’t have adopted. I have heard lots of adoptees say they have always felt like they were competing with the biological child of the adoptive parent. I will say at least you have the courage to be honest, which is rare among adoptive parents. Does the child have any interaction with her birth family? Perhaps if she had a good relationship she could go back to them.”
A third person chimed in: “I really hope your adoptive daughter doesn’t know how you feel. Have you looked into professional help for yourself to dissect what’s going on and why you haven’t allowed yourself to bond? There are so many techniques out there that could have been used to create that bond. I know because I used some of them when I struggled to bond with my adoptive daughter. They worked. I feel so upset on behalf of your 15-year-old. I hope she never finds out and that you’ve said this because you want things to change. You can work to repair and create that bond rather than dwelling on the past and your own anger and regret. I hope you haven’t damaged her through any perceptible emotional distance on your part. How dreadfully sad that you still feel you are babysitting someone else’s child after all these years. Please stop dwelling on what might have been and step up to being the best parent you can be to her by seeking help if need be.”
Disliked adoption phrases Part Two
Over the years family (my in-laws) and friends who found out, I had a son and we had connected have made ‘uneducated’ comments. I got sick to death of the ‘how wonderful’ it was that we reunited comments in particular. Other comments have been ‘it was for the best’, ‘you were young’ and so on which, in turn, has meant that I have had to be extremely calm and explain that I could have raised my son. I shouldn’t have to explain myself but it’s the only way to explain the dark side of adoption.
It’s been far easier to explain to the adoption community of the dark side of adoption. I’ve had my battles and it’s been worth me standing my ground.
I hate it when anybody says ‘it was God’s plan’ because it’s never in God’s plan that newborns are adopted. If that was true every parent would be surrendering their baby for adoption and adopting somebody else’s baby. It is as bad as saying God put a baby in another woman’s womb just so a couple can adopt him or her.
I remember my son asking me not to say anything negative about his adopters. My response back was on the lines of ‘Why would I as I don’t know them?’
Over the years I have been irritated by the DNA/nature doesn’t matter but nurture does and even a few adoptees have said that to me. If they don’t matter why do mothers feel profound feelings of pain and loss, why do adoptees want to know who they look like?
I’ve been told a few times that I’m not a mother as I didn’t raise my son with my mother being one of them. She and the others didn’t ‘get it’ that
Thankfully these days I don’t get so involved in adoption in real life online unless I feel up to it. It’s really not worth the aggravation, arguments, bad feelings or the effect on it has on my mental health.
Disliked adoption phrases Part One
I am giving credit back to this post https://medium.com/@Flip.Side/phrases-from-adoption-ideology-ad3caf09c6a2 for giving me the material to write about.
After spending so many years of hiding my feelings of loss and not dealing with my son’s adoption my eyes were finally opened up. The support has been great and I wish I had known about it years earlier ago. On the other hand I also found out people can be very cruel and hurtful by their words and actions. I was shocked in the early years how judgemental people can be towards other sides of adoption. After 16 years I am much more ‘hardened’ to the unkind side of adoption and naivety of people who think surrendering a baby is ‘the right thing to do/mother to young to parent.’
One of the early comments that made me laugh as it is stupid. It’s when adoptees are asked if they know their real parents. Even if I didn’t have an adoption connection I would still think it’s a ridiculous question. A real parent to me is the one raising the child whether they are the mother, father, adoptive parent, foster carer, family member to the best of their ability. All parents make mistakes and not all parents are decent.
My son’s adoptive parents are real parents and so am I.
In the early days of the reunion I got sick to death of the ‘you were chosen’ lines given to adoptees. Adoption in the UK has evolved since the 1940s but even so, adoptees haven’t been ‘chosen’ they’ve just been the next available baby. Over the years changes have been an end to private adoptions, the number of babies adopted has dropped, and, open and semi adoptions have been introduced. Since the contraceptive pill, abortion easier to have, changes in benefits and social housing has made it easier for mothers to either raise their children or not to have a child.
Telling an adoptee they were wanted is terrible because the person asking doesn’t know the circumstances behind their adoption. The mother could have died in childbirth, the mother (or father) may not have been given the chance to prove they could be a good parent. Not all adopters should have adopted in the first place. Just because a single person or couple has been approved to adopt (in the UK) doesn’t mean they will be good parents. There are cases where adopters have killed their adopted children or abused them, it’s not just natural parents who abuse their children.
Telling an adoptee their mother loved them enough to give them up is cruel as far as I’m concerned. I loved my son so much I didn’t abort him but neither did I plan for him to be adopted. His adopters believed the adoption agency when they were told I wanted him adopted. It took a reunion for them to find out I never agreed to the adoption. In fact they found out the three letters I supposedly wrote to them were written by someone else and I only received one of the letters they wrote. That was bad enough as they thanked me for allowing them to adopt my son. It was devastating to read that as they didn’t know the truth. Yes there are mothers who choose adoption but I’m not one of them.
Adoption isn’t a selfless sacrifice generally – I get back to my comment that some mothers do choose adoption. I felt worthless when my son was adopted, that I didn’t matter and it reinforced what a family member said to me that I wasn’t capable of raising a child. It has been a lifelong feeling of worthlessness. Nobody knows what kind of a mother I would have been because I wasn’t given a chance. There are other reasons why I didn’t have other children but that is going off-topic.` I was a victim of forced (illegal) adoption and had I known my rights I would have raised my son.
I don’t like the ‘adoption is in the bible’ argument either. Yes I know Joseph wasn’t the biological father of Jesus but Mary was his natural mother. Oh and Joseph didn’t pay a huge wedge of money to buy Jesus he stepped up as a father figure as he was commanded to do. For Jesus to fulfill a prophecy he had to be born into this life and God wouldn’t have been in the physical world as nobody could look at his face and live.
Moses isn’t, like Jesus, an example of adoption as we understand it. His mother placed him in a basket and put in water to save his life. He was raised by a pharaoh’s daughter and his mother was part of his life, in other words he wasn’t officially adopted. Later on, in life, he killed an Egyptian, returned to his family, and led the chosen people to the promised life.
Telling adoptees they were given up is quite commonly used alongside placed. I didn’t ‘give up or place’ my son he was in effect stolen from me. I never agreed to him being adopted and as far as I know I didn’t sign the Consent to Relinquish form. If I did I didn’t know what I was signing and very conveniently nobody can find the form so I can’t prove anything.
The blood/DNA doesn’t matter argument is open to debate but they do matter. If they didn’t then parents wouldn’t care what baby they had as long as they were raising one. Apart from that people have a right to know who their family is with medical information high on the list for being important. I have had mother figures in my life but they’re not the mother who carried me for nine-months then raised me. They have been important in my life but can’t be compared to my mother. Some people should never have children but that doesn’t mean any child of theirs who has been adopted doesn’t have a right to know who they are.
I hate adopters referring to the mother of their adopted child as their birth mother as she didn’t give birth to either of them and it’s a type of entitlement. When these people feel offended when they are pulled up about it they should then educate themselves. I am not my son’s birth mother, I am his mother the same as his adoptive mother is also his mother. Parents can love more than one child so why can’t a child love more than one mother?
I shall continue with this another day.