mum
Contacting family
7th April 2005
Sent my cousin Simon a message through Genes Reunited this message so it will be interesting to see if he responds as I haven’t spoken to him in years. Hoping he will take the bait about me asking him if he would like an invite to our site on MyFamily.com. It would be good as I have had problems finding out info on that side of the family and I can’t exactly ask for help from my mum. It does hurt at times that she never responds to my letters and leaves it to my dad – he doesn’t bother responding very often either. I don’t even know how they feel about me having tests to find out why I haven’t conceived. The way I am feeling at the moment is that if a miracle happens and I do get pregnant I’m wondering if it is really worth me telling them. I know, if it does happen, I will let them know but I’m not expecting a response back so that will be their loss.
Received a lovely message from Margaret, Rick’s cousin who lives in the States. She regularly looks on our site and has contributed as well to it so we are pleased she has an interest in it though Rick’s cousin Barry has been contributing too. Margaret had asked who Anthony was, so Rick asked me to respond to that one as he felt it would sound better from me. I let Margaret know yesterday morning so she responded quickly – I got the impression she felt a bit guilty as she thought Anthony may have been a cousin of Rick’s. Her response was perfect though and she has been accepting as well. I sometimes wonder about my family – Simon responded back through Genes Reunited but has let me know what his dad’s email address is. Sent my uncle an email anyway to let him know how I am and to pick his brains. I have sent him an invite to our site as well so hopefully he will have a look at that as well.
My contact with my cousin has been sporadic over the past year usually because he forgets to respond to my emails then has a dig at me months later. That’s just about what I expect from my relatives and I’m not sure which side is worse. Still, it doesn’t bother me as I know I’m thought about and they do support me in their own strange way. My aunts, uncles and cousins have always seemed to have thought more of me than my own parents and sister.
Talking
Recently I made a new friend connection on Facebook who is an adoptee and has written Your Secret My Story. I do want to get the book as from the little I know about it has helped me to talk a bit more to my sister.
Back in September we went down south to see family and give one of my sister’s granddaughters, our great niece, her birthday present. Before we came back my sister and I went through some crates that had come from our Dad’s home after he passed on. We came home with two crates of photographs and a few pieces of paperwork as my sister knows we are into family history/genealogy. Anything we didn’t want she said to chuck.
While we were going through the paperwork there were a couple of photographs of my son there so we talked about him. She feels bad because she feels she should love him as he is her nephew but doesn’t like him. I can understand where my sister is coming from as he can be very charming one minute then be angry when he doesn’t hear what he wants to hear. I told her not to feel bad about it as we had the same attitude and whilst I love him because he is my son and always will, I struggle to like him at times. We are so much alike with likes and dislike, even mannersisms, but adoption wrecked any chance of a happy reunion.
When we went back down south in November for my birthday the subject came up again. This time my sister mentioned that she and my parents refused to give my son any information as I was the one whom he needed to talk to. At the time when my son found my family I wasn’t talking to them due to an argument but two years of not talking to my parents I got back in touch with them. Instead of being honest with my son they continued to tell him they didn’t know where I was. My sister didn’t know where I was so she was honest. She told me that our parents told him the same and if they found out where I was they would let me know he wanted contact. I told my sister they never said a word to me so delayed contact for three years. It would have continued if I hadn’t found him.
I also told my sister of a conversation I had with our Mum over the phone back in 2006. She was visibly upset when I told her our Mum had said she couldn’t understand why my son wanted to know me as I was nothing to him and his only family was his adoptive one. My sister said it was cruel of our Mum to say that. I haven’t told her of the letter our Mum wrote to my son telling him to accept that I didn’t want to be found.
My sister needed to be told of both as she believed our parents would be honest with me about what actually happened. She has a better idea why I was so angry at that period in my life.